Reflex is a wonderful little thing, isn't it? As soon as any sort of issue arises, your body has already taken action before your mind even knew what was happening. It's a wonderful little bit of fight-or-flight instincts that can take you out of basically any danger just long enough to get your head around things. One thing though, is that reflex lacks a certain kind of foresight, and sometimes, that lack of foresight can get you into even more trouble than you were in the first place.
This is one of those times.
Before I knew what was happening, I found myself shifting, my form going up in the same sickly green flames I knew all too well and found myself as an exact copy of Spike, before planting one claw over his muzzle, another firmly on his chest, and slamming him hard into the wall.
Now that I'm back in control, I can see what a bad move this was. I mean, if I had just remained calm, I could have just talked to Spike, explained that I meant no harm, and be done with it. I would have someling to be myself around, instead of yet another cowering enemy.
I guess I'm lucky I calmed down when I did. When backed into a corner, changelings are trained to kill. I'm no exception. Sure, I'm no soldier or warrior, but I can still hold my own in a fight. Anyling that steps hoof outside the hive has to be able to at least incapacitate a foe long enough for them to get away, and with us infiltrators, our entire deal is getting rid of the original and taking their place. Curious that this mission is different…
I can feel Spike squirm beneath my grasp, eyes wide. I may be an exact copy of him, but I'm still quite a bit stronger than he is. Looking into his eyes, I can see an all too familiar sight: pure, unadulterated terror. Every single other time I've seen that emotion on someone else, it's always been easy to ignore. I was trained to be completely uncompassionate and merciless, and after seeing that kind of primal fear so many times, you tend to get a bit desensitised. But this time, something's different. I can't put a hoof on it, but this time, I think I actually care.
I see Spike glance up at my still-broken horn. The limiter has been passively healing it, but I still have a long way to go before I can comfortably use magic again. The biggest thing though, is that Spike recognises me. Black Light, the unicorn with the broken horn.
I realise I've been scowling, my newfound claws digging painfully into Spike's scales. I soften my expression and loosen my grip, surprised at my actions. I sigh, a voice not my own filling with an unexplainable sadness. "Please…" I appeal. "I'm sorry, just let me explain before you…" I can't bring myself to finish. Spike stares me straight in the eyes, staring right at his own twisted, demented reflection. Despite this, he nods. Or at least, he tries to. It's kinda hard with his head held firmly against the wall. Okay Peek, time to make the biggest mistake of your entire career. Sure, he might be lying, about to run into Twilight's bedroom and have her zap me right into Tartarus, but what other choice do I have here? At least I know Spike at least has a history with this thing, however annoying and technicolour it might be.
"Okay…" I breathe slowly. "I gonna let you go…" Slowly, I take pressure off of my doppelganger, letting him finally standing before me as I step back.
Spike massages his throat, softly coughing into a claw. Seems I held him down a little hard… "You're…" he starts, voice still filled with a certain caution. He's trying to hide his fear. Cute. It might be hidden, but it's still radiating off of him stronger than ever. He knows that one wrong move could cost him his life, and he's terrified. I wish he wasn't scared of me, but he has every right to be. My kind's done terrible things, and so have I. But that was the past.
I nod, casting my eyes downward. "A changeling." I finish for him.
"Why are you here?" he asks, his voice wavering. Guess I still do owe him an explanation.
I sigh. I'm about to reveal everything to Twilight's little squish pet. This could go so many different directions. Let's hope that I have enough dumb luck to talk my way out of this… "My name is Peek, and I'm a changeling infiltrator." I shift back to my natural form and sit down, my ears splaying back. "I was tasked by Queen Chrysalis to drive Twilight and her friends apart by infiltrating her friendship group disguised as a regular pony…"
Spike nods slowly, still hesitant to say anything. I pause, a sort of uneasy tension still hanging loosely over us. At this point, I'm just waiting for the moment. All changelings know the moment. The moment when you're found out, pried out of hiding and forced to face the things you've done, the people you've deceived, and, if the situation demanded it, the ponies you've killed. Even if you had never done any of those things, there's one crime every single changeling is guilty of. It's something that is impossible to escape and a crime unforgivable by everypony in Equestria; Being. Simply being a changeling is one of the most heinous crimes possible to commit, and, unfortunately, justice must eventually be served.
The pause is getting longer and longer as the silence drags on, Spike still staring right into me, and I myself staring at the cold crystal floor beneath my jagged hooves.
"I don't want to do it…" I hear myself say. I sound… distant. My throat is hoarse and I feel a knot welling in my chest. "I don't…" I cough and look Spike back in the eyes. "I don't want to hurt her, I never wanted to-" I stop, feeling a tear roll down my cheek. The knot in my chest is almost painful now, and I feel as if I'm on the verge of breaking down in the middle of the hall. I clench my teeth and shut my eyes tight as I feel even more tears silently roll down my face, lingering on my jaw for a second, before falling unceremoniously to the cold, hard ground beneath me.
All I can do is hang my head, shoulders slumped as I silently sob into nothingness, uncaring to the world around me. I'm not sure how long I sit there, but soon enough I feel a claw on my shoulder. My eyes snap open and I almost reflexively move to push Spike away, but I find myself frozen in place, paralysed save for a constant trembling that I had no idea was happening. It's now that I realise, under the light of Luna's glowing moon, that I am utterly terrified. I don't know why and I don't know how, but right at this moment, I'm more terrified than I have ever been.
Spike starts stroking my foreleg in a futile attempt to calm me down. He's not scared of me anymore at least; why would he be? I'm pathetic. No, he's not scared. The emotion that has taken its place is much more humiliating: pity. Spike pities me. He pities the puny changeling sobbing quietly in the halls of this prissy pony castle.
I… I guess I can't blame him. At least I know he feels sorry for me, as much as I detest the simple notion.
"Hey," Spike whispers quietly. I bring my head up slowly to meet his eyes, the knot in my throat ever-present and growing quickly. "I won't tell anyone."
I wipe my eyes on the back of a hoof, my teeth still clenched tight. "Promise?" I manage to choke out, my voice failing me.
Spike nods, giving a little smile. I keel over and just let everything go, not really caring much about… well, anything really. I dunno, it just feels good to just be here, the moon lightly beaming down upon me, letting all of my stress flow out of me. And sure, that sounds cheesy as all heck, but at this point, I don't care. I'm too far gone to care.
I can still feel Spike stroking my forehoof lightly as a continue to cry, and I'm thankful. I guess I can understand why Twi keeps this little guy around. And now, I have a person that I can drop my guard around, just being me, not having to hide any part of myself. Sure, I can drop my guard at the hive, but there, I didn't matter. Sure I matter here in Ponyville, but I can never really drop my guard. Having someone who knows both sides of me is going to be a big help in this, and I'm thankful.
I don't know how long I sat there, Spike by my side, but before long, I had cried myself dry, staring at my reflection in the cool crystal floors of this magnificent palace. Not once did Spike leave my side. I wouldn't have blamed him if he had left, but he stayed. To think, a couple of days ago, I was a highly trained changeling infiltrator, prepared to kill on sight if necessary. Heh. How the mighty have fallen, am I right?
I dunno where this is going to lead, but none of that really matters to me at the moment. All that matters is that I'm home.
"Thank you…"