“Everypony please. Calm down.” Starlight Glimmer stood on the steps of the Castle of Friendship. The doors stood open behind her in case she needed to beat a hasty retreat. Still, she was confident she could resolve this situation. This was Ponyville after all, the best little town in all of Equestria. These were her friends. They would listen to her, right? “I can’t understand you when you’re all shouting at once.”
The angry shouts and clamor did not die down. Starlight sighed and turned to the blue mare beside her. She lifted an eyebrow and tilted her head toward the crowd. The mare smirked with a look that said, “watch and learn.”
She stepped to the fore and took a deep breath. “The Great and Powerful Trixie demands you be QUIET!” The force of her voice rolled out across the town square and overcame the lesser voices which sought to resist it. Despite themselves, the residents of Ponyville quieted down. Starlight let out a relieved sigh and smiled at Trixie. A smirk rested on the blue mare’s face. She bowed. “The Great and Powerful Trixie respectfully yields the stage to Starlight Glimmer.”
“Thank you.” Starlight looked out over the crowd assembled before her and gave them her best, friendliest smile. “Well, everypony, what seems to be the trouble?”
“Twilight’s the trouble, that’s what!” a voice called from the back. The crowd murmured and threatened to burst back into an angry chorus, but a glare from Trixie quieted them again.
Starlight felt a drop of sweat drip down the back of her neck. “If you have a problem with the current state of affairs, you really should take it up with Twi-- Empress Twilight herself. I don’t make the rules.”
“Yeah,” Lyra stepped forward, “But you’re her apprentice. You have her ear.”
“Was her apprentice,” Starlight said, “That kind of fell by the wayside when she became Empress of Equestria.”
“But you can tell her what’s wrong,” Bon-Bon countered, “She’ll listen to you.”
Starlight opened her mouth to protest, but shut it again. “Okay. Very well. I’ll do it. Whatever you want to say, I’ll be sure to send it along.” The assembled ponies blinked and smiled, pleased by their plan’s success. “What should I tell her then?”
The wave of sound and voices crashed over her like a avalanche descending from the tallest mountain. Not even Trixie could quell it this time. Starlight glanced back at the inviting palace right behind her and longingly imagined shutting the door and locking all of her problems outside. But then, Filthy Rich stepped to the fore and turned to the other residents with an almost fatherly smile.
“Hold on there, everypony,” he said and his deep, resonant voice pulled them all up short. No wonder he was such a good salespony, Starlight reflected. “Why don’t we do this orderly-like? Let’s form a line and have everypony step forward and tell Ms. Starlight here exactly what’s on their mind.” A soft muttering rose from the crowd, but they seemed to find the idea agreeable. “That being said, I’ll go first.” The stallion rounded on Starlight, eyes narrow. “Now what’s this I hear about me and my family being labeled “Enemies of Harmony”?”
Starlight felt her grin straining and cracking under pressure. “Empress Twilight has been compiling a list of those she feels are a threat to the stability of Equestria and good-will between ponies.” There was a pause. Filthy Rich’s look grew downright hostile. “It’s a personal list,” Starlight quickly added, “I have no control over it.”
“Slander!” the stallion proclaimed, disgust in his voice, “I won’t stand for this. None of us will.”
“Well,” a filly’s voice piped up, “Diamond Tiara doesn’t have goodwill towards anypony.”
This set off a riotous debate or “vigorous discussion” between the residents of Ponyville between those who thought the filly made a good point and those who maintained that the idea of putting citizens on lists and publicly shaming them was a horrible idea.
Starlight decided she’d had enough. “Everypony! Listen up!” The “discussion” died down to a dull roar. “I have had a very long day and I am going to bed. I will be leaving several reams of paper and a pen by the palace door along with a collection box. Please leave your complaints, concerns, and rude comments in that box where I will collect them at noon tomorrow! That will be all. Goodnight.”
She turned sharply. “Trixie, would you be so kind as to fetch a table and a box? I’ll get the paper and pen.”
“Trixie is at your service.”
“Thank you. At least somepony is.”
Starlight almost made it. She was almost inside when she felt a hoof tap her on the shoulder. Irritated, she whirled. “What?”
Two fillies recoiled. Rarity and Applejack’s little sisters. Starlight reined in her anger. “S-sorry, Ms. Starlight.” Sweetie Belle scuffed a hoof against the floor.
Starlight took a deep breath. “No, no, it’s fine. Everything’s fine.” She shook her head. “How can I help you girls?”
“We was just wonderin’,” Apple Bloom began, “Well, Applejack’s been gone a real long time now. Longer than she ever has.”
“So has Rarity,” Sweetie Belle added.
“An’, well, we reckon y'all might know the answer.”
“When will our sisters be home?” They looked up at her with eyes half-hopeful, half-scared.
Starlight sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t know much of anything anymore.” With that, she turned and closed the door behind her.
From the other side of the square, two sets of eyes watched them. There was no malice in their gaze, but infinite compassion in one and thoughtful reflection in the other. “Doc?” the first said.
“Yes, Miss Hooves?”
“I just don’t know why everything’s gone wrong.” Tears welled in the crooked eyes of Derpy Hooves. “I’d never leave Dinky or Sparkler. Never! Why do those two have to be left behind when they have sisters who love them?” A horrible thought occurred to her and her eyes went wide. “They do still love them, right?”
Whooves regarded her with solemn eyes. “The world is not always what we wish, Miss Hooves. It is only what we, its inhabitants, make of it. If things go wrong, we have no one but ourselves to blame.”
Derpy looked down and sniffed. A muffin found its way into her mouth and she slowly chewed it, for once finding no relish in the act. “Did we do something wrong then?” she asked, “Did I mess up again? If...if I’d given Twilight my last muffin that one day, would she have not gone to Canterlot?”
Whooves closed his eyes and sighed. “Once, a long time ago, Equestria and the Crystal Empire went to war. During that time, there lived a pony named Past Protest. He was a cleric of sorts and lived in the Crystal Empire. After the war was over, he wandered the land, healing and helping any creature he found. He spent the rest of his life doing more good in a day than most do in a year. And yet when asked if he was proud of his work, his face fell. It was penance, he said, for sins of the past. Of course, they asked him what sins he possibly could have done. He never explained fully, but his answer has been passed down for generations.”
“First they came for the Equalists, and I did not speak out because I was not a Equalist. Then they came for the Dissenters, and I did not speak out because I was not a Dissenter. Then they came for the young, the old, and the crippled, the sick, the diseased, and unwanted, and I did not speak out, because I was not a one of them.”
“Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.”
He gestured to the scene before them. “This is how it begins, Miss Hooves. Evil always starts small. A list here. A label there. Whenever a pony tells you that someone is your enemy, you should always take a hard look before agreeing. And even if you do, never think in terms of “us versus them”. Not even if the Princess of Friendship tells you to.”
Derpy shivered. “I don’t want to do nothing.”
Whooves smiled. “Fantastic. Because neither do I and, frankly, I think that taking on a god could get quite lonely at times.” He hopped to his feet and offered her a hoof. “Shall we, Miss Hooves?”
She stared at it, then at him. “You mean right now?”
“Yes.”
“But do we have a plan?”
“Not a one!” Whooves giggled. “Exciting, isn’t it?”
“Don’t you need a plan for these sorts of things?”
“Not if you think quick on your hooves.” He put a fore-hoof to his chest. "But never fear! I am a doctor, after all."
Derpy gave a small smile and took his hoof. Gently. She’d had too many accidents from being too eager. Ponies had landed in the hospital from it. “Lead the way,” she whispered. You had to whisper when you were in a conspiracy, right?
They burst into Dr. Whooves’ lab. Earth pony technology lay everywhere, most of it half-disassembled. “The Doctor”, as the ponies of Ponyville jokingly called him, always had some project or the other going on. It only lasted as long as his enthusiasm, which left many still on the drawing board or collecting dust in the corner. “I’ve been working more on that time-travel business,” Whooves said as he swept the table clean of blueprints and spare parts, “Haven’t made any progress on that front. Actually, I discovered how to manipulate space instead. Now if I can just find the key to that dratted thing.”
Derpy looked around in awe. The workshop always amazed her. Everything was so shiny and sparkly. “Ah-ha!” Whooves held up a hoof triumphantly, “Behold!”
She stared at the object held in his grip. It wasn’t very shiny, except for that glowing button on the handle. It took her a moment to place exactly what it was, since she hadn’t been allowed near construction tools for a very long time. “Doc? That’s a screwdriver.”
“Yes!”
“With a blue light-bulb stuck on the end.”
Whooves beamed. “And who would ever expect a screwdriver to be a key! See, I insert it into a very special door which has a lock set to the resonance frequency of this particular screwdriver and it pops open. No other screwdriver will work, it has to be this one. The blue light is so that I can tell it apart from the others.”
“Resonance frequency?” Derpy was accustomed to not understanding what Dr. Whooves was talking about.
“It’s a, er, how to put it? It’s a key to a sonic lock. A sonic screwdriver, if you will.”
“Oh.” Derpy smiled. She still had no idea what that meant, but it sounded important. “How does it work?”
“I just...I literally just…” Dr. Whooves sighed. “Nevermind. It’s not important.”
“Okay!”
“Onwards then.” He turned and led her to the back of the workshop. “The door it opens is back here. See, when they abolished the local police force, they didn’t have any need for the old police call boxes. Not that the things were much use anyway since you couldn’t exactly hide in them until the guard came with a rampaging Timber Wolf outside, but that is neither here nor there. The important thing is that I managed to secure one.”
Their destination was a squat, blue box with a door on it. Whooves inserted the screwdriver with his mouth and twisted it. The box hummed for a moment and popped open. He stepped aside and bowed. “After you.”
Derpy frowned and pushed the door aside. Then she gasped. “It’s bigger on the inside!”
Dr. Whooves chuckled. “That’s what I said! Fascinating, isn’t it?” He tapped the bare metal floor. “A bit bare right now. Just an empty room, save for that little button panel to your left. But if I can get it to be larger and finally nail down that time travel bit, I just might have the beginnings of something fantastic.” He sighed. “But as incredible as this is, it’s not going to be enough. It might give us a nice spot to plan, but it doesn’t help us against Empress Twilight.”
A determined expression came over Derpy’s face. “I might know a pony who can help.”
“Is she capable?”
“Oh yes!” Derpy nodded a few more times than was strictly necessary. “And if anypony knows how to beat impossible odds, it’s her.”
///////
Daring Do was not scared. Not one bit. She was a professional. Sure, she may be hogtied with a sprained wing and a whole tribe of primitive earth ponies dressed in war regalia dancing around her, but she’d been in tighter spots. Of course, she’d seen better temples too. As ancient, stone edifices went, the interior here didn’t have nearly enough murals or statues. Also a bit light on the death-traps. But the carvings on the altar were exquisite. Some real talent went into making them. And that sacrificial dagger! That alone would make this whole ordeal worth it.
She looked up at the visage looming over her. An winged pony with one eye on the heavens and one on the earth. Probably a symbol of some religious significance. Master of two worlds or something like that. Eternal vigilance. Really, who knew? That lay in equinology.
The chanting grew to a fever pitch. Daring cast her eyes about for an opportunity. This was fine. There was always a way out. Always. There had to be. The priest took up the dagger. Okay, that escape route better hurry it up here. Now he was sharpening it… Anytime now. Come on, come on. She began to fidget uncomfortably. The savage leered at her. The dagger was raised high. Sweet Celestia! That thing was wicked sharp! Okay, okay, calm down. Calm down. Nope, panic. Now was an excellent time to panic.
An unholy flash of light blasted her right eye accompanied by a loud pop. She slammed it shut and squirmed away. Then, she heard a voice speak in good, honest Equestrian. “Wait...where’d the workshop go?”
“I told you. This device manipulates space. We step inside, we pull a few levers, and voila! The door opens to a different spot.” The speaker sighed. “Time, though. Time is difficult.”
Daring blinked the spots from her eyes and took stock. First, there was not a dagger lodged in her ribs or other places. That made this day a hundred times better already. Score one for the good guys. Second, one of those old, tacky, police call boxes sat right next to her. She was fairly certain it had not been there before. She tended to have an eye for the details. And three, Ditzy Doo stood right over her.
“Ditzy!” she called, “What the hay? Where did you come from?”
“The box!” the other pegasus replied with a smile.
Somehow, that explanation made the most sense. About as much as she expected it to anyway.
Daring glanced around. The natives stood in awe. One pointed to Derpy and shouted something in their strange tongue. As one, they fell to their faces and began to chant. A brown earth pony poked his head out the door and looked around. “Fascinating,” he said.
“You know, I’m not above taking a little help,” Daring called.
“Oh! We actually need your help,” Ditzy replied, “Twilight Sparkle’s taken over Equestria and everything’s wrong. So we’re starting a rebellion.”
"Bit premature to call it a full-fledged rebellion, but yes that is what we are doing," the stallion said.
There were at least ten things wrong with that statement. Firstly, they were asking a pony who was tied up on a sacrificial altar to help them, not vice versa. Daring Do said the only sensible thing she could think of in response. “What?”
“And there’s nopony who can face impossible odds and defeat them like you. So we need you to join.”
“Again, what?” Daring asked. When the first time failed, try again. That tactic had only failed her a few times in her life.
“So we jumped in Doc’s magic box…”
“It’s not magic. It’s science! Technomancy at worst.”
“And since you mentioned in your last letter that you were headed to this area, and since you always wind up in the center of the nearby temple somehow, we popped right on over!”
Daring’s head spun. “Let me repeat myself one more time. What?”
One of the natives rose to his feet and said something suspiciously like a question. The earth pony nudged Ditzy. “Ms. Hooves, quick, act like a goddess.”
Ditzy’s crooked eyes went wide. “What?”
“Hey! I said that first!” Daring protested.
“The natives appear to have mistaken you for their goddess,” the stallion explained. He pointed to the statue for emphasis. “It would behoove you to act the part.”
Ditzy looked around and gulped. She raised a hoof and the natives cowered. “H-Hi everypony! My name is Derpy Hooves and I’ll be your goddess for this evening. Um…” She backed into a pillar, a pillar which just so happened to be crumbling from years of erosion. It collapsed right behind her. With a squeal, she launched herself forward and slammed face-first into the idol. A long crack made its way up the statue towards the head. “Oops.”
Daring threw herself sideways and kicked the flabbergasted priest off the altar’s raised pedestal. That beautiful dagger fell from his grip and landed right near her mouth. With an expert twist, she snagged it and sliced the ropes from her legs. “I think we’ve worn out our welcome!” she called to her two unexpected companions. Years of practice had taught her how to talk even while holding a torch, a rope, or even a ceremonial dagger. “Let’s scram.”
She seized Ditzy, who let out a surprised squeak, and dragged her into the box. Her mouth dropped and the dagger fell from it. “It’s...it’s bigger on the inside!”
The stallion laughed. “Why do I get the feeling I’m going to hear that a lot?” He slammed the door shut and pulled a lever. The world took two steps to the left. “And we’re home!” Humming to himself, he pushed the door open and trotted into what had to be the messiest workshop Daring Do had ever seen. Ditzy scrambled to her feet and followed him. She turned back to Daring and smiled.
“You coming, Daring?”
“Y-yeah. One sec.” She rubbed her mane. “Hey Ditzy…”
“Derpy, actually. Derpy Hooves.” Ditzy giggled. “I changed my name, just like you did, “Miss Yearling”.”
“I didn’t do that for fun! I did that so I wouldn’t be hounded by…” Daring rubbed her face with a hoof. “Nevermind, “Derpy”. So where are we right now?”
“Ponyville, of course!”
That about did it for Daring’s already tenuous grip on reality. She took a deep breath. Alright, Daring, you’re the world’s greatest adventurer. You can handle this. Weird box that transports you hundreds of miles, no big deal. Ditzy is now calling herself Derpy. Bigger deal. And hanging out with a stallion. A stallion who built the crazy box. That right there was a little much. And there was also that last little thing…
“What do you mean Twilight Sparkle has taken over Equestria?”