Twilight sat up in the bed, silvery moonlight casting its glow over the blankets. All was still, noiseless, only the occasional chirp of a cricket or distant notes of a night bird's song to break the silence. Celestia was asleep. Twilight reached down and stroked between her shoulder blades, gently caressing her back. The alicorn groaned slightly and rolled over, nearly knocking Twilight off the bed. Twilight steadied herself and inched closer to her, wrapping her hooves around Celestia's barrel. Celestia nuzzled into her, more groans escaping her lips. Occasionally, a shout in some garbled, half-forgotten tongue would come through. Twilight listened closely, but the words made no sense.
Above all other things, Twilight was a scientist. She made observations and drew conclusions from those observations. Observing her marefriend's fitful sleep, some hypotheses had slowly formed in Twilight's mind. The steps of the scientific method wheedled at Twilight's mind as Celestia's breath came in ragged gasps and the words of a dead dialect of Equestrian came out more rapidly, more frenzied.
Twilight rested her head on Celestia's chest, heard the hard thump of her heart banging against her chest. Ask a question. Why was Celestia's sleep so troubled?
Construct a hypothesis. The obvious hypothesis was that she was having a nightmare. She had had nightmares before and had brushed off Twilight's questions about them. I dream of things that happened long ago. She had explained. Long ago. How long? Not even she was really sure of how old she was. In her day, Queen Rarity of Unicornia was considered a young and untried ruler not the builder of an empire that would last for five centuries and only end in an age of fire.
Queen Rarity's tomb was long forgotten as she had lived four-thousand years ago. From that starting point, Twilight had concluded that Celestia was around four-thousand years old. What horrors had she seen? What evils had she fought against, just how many had she lost?
She nestled against Celestia's chest. Test with an experiment. In this case, that ranged from difficult to impossible. What could she do? Invade the sanctity of the Princess's mind? If Celestia were kind she'd only dump her. If Celestia was truly angry, she'd find herself in a dungeon.
Possibly in the place she was banished to.
And if she did such a thing, she'd deserve worse. She wouldn't dare violate Celestia's soul in such a way. She loved her far too much. Besides, after the Smarty Pants incident she had vowed to never cast a spell on a Pony's mind ever again.
Celestia called out. Twilight cooed over her as if she were a frightened foal. On the other hoof, Luna went into Ponies' minds when she watched over their dreams. Was it really so different? Luna was a Goddess who could do it without the risk of damaging the Pony's soul. Twilight was a mortal who knew better than to play with fire.
Twilight touched her horn to Celestia's. Twin tear tracks twinkled on Celestia's face in the light of Luna's orb. Twilight could almost hear Luna urging her on. That would be a very good defense to use when she was facing an angry sun goddess. Actually, she almost could hear Luna's voice.
She shook her head. She was attempting to justify the decision she had already made. Perhaps, she was missing a step of the scientific method. She reviewed it once more in her mind, knowing that it had never steered her wrong before.
An alternate method would be to simply wake her up. Twilight shook Celestia's shoulder fiercely. Celestia cried out, a shrill shout. Twilight nestled close to her, offering the comfort of her presence.
Observation: The nightmares had gotten worse. What could have sparked that? Twilight thought back to Celestia's strange behavior on the train when they'd passed Heliopolis. How she'd fallen silent and appeared troubled by something. There had been a battle at Heliopolis. Could Celestia have been remembering it? Celestia did have a hooves on approach to armed conflict, having campaigned alongside her troops before the empire had become so large and centralized that doing so had become impossible.
Celestia suddenly wrapped both wings around Twilight and drew her close. Her heartbeat was slowing, she was growing calmer. That was good. Calm was very good.
Then, there was a sharp uptake in her heartbeat. Twilight felt a renewed urge to wake her or comfort her or even call up forbidden magic to enter her mind.
The runes she would have to call upon, the powers she would need to invoke were already imprinting themselves in her mind, her magic stirring. She could feel it working its way up, about to spiral up her horn. With an act of pure will she halted the process.
She lifted up and levitated over an oak wood manebrush from the table and ran the bristles through Celestia's mane which was still rather than floating as it did during the day. For a few moments, she brushed the long multicolored strands. Celestia sighed in what sounded like contentment.
The sunrise was yet far off and Twilight yawned, her magic faltering. She laid the hairbrush back in its place and snuggled against Celestia. Celestia nuzzled her and her eyes opened. "Twilight?"
Twilight shifted. "I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"
"Were you brushing my mane?"
"Yeah."
"It felt nice. Why?"
Twilight stretched her forelegs. "You were having a nightmare."
Celestia said nothing. In the distance, a lonely cricket sang a song of longing to its mate who answered though far away. The princess closed her eyes. Twilight knew full well that she wasn't sleeping. She turned her back and tried to ignore it when half-an-hour later the groans began anew.
She closed her eyes and tried to block it out. Tears welled up in her eyes and fell down her cheeks. Tia...why won't you tell me what's wrong?
Would it be so terrible if she took a quick peak inside her marefriend's head? Celestia had forgiven her for worse. Yet, she didn't want to take advantage of that forgiveness.
It would not be difficult. Not for her. Over the past few days, her magic had grown. In a few days she would be back to full strength. Even a beta level unicorn (the level she was currently on) could cast this spell.
She squeezed her eyes shut. The groans were a small background noise that she could ignore. The silence of the night just amplified it. The groans would occasionally taper off, but then they'd start up again.
Ignore it, ignore it, ignore it. She ordered herself. If she would just trust me. Why doesn't she trust me? I can help her. She's helped me before.
She too had had nightmares and had sought Celestia's comfort. Would Celestia not give her the chance to return the favor? She rolled back around. Celestia was on her side, her wings twitching. Twilight buried her muzzle into the cloud of feathers, caressed the wings with her teeth and tongue, setting straight the crooked feathers and pulling out the broken ones.
Once more, Celestia's groans faded away. Twilight hoped that it would be the last time. Temptation was building. To not know something was a torment to her. To not know what was bothering her beloved, to be forbidden by ignorance from rendering aid, was like walking barehooved over the fiery Plains of Tartarus.
She finished up the preening and levitated a few broken feathers she'd plucked into a pile on the floor. It would be something to explain to her in the morning. Twilight yawned and rested her head on the pillow. If she feigned sleep long enough eventually sleep would come to her just as it had come to Celestia.
It did not. Instead she rolled over on her back and stared up at the ceiling of the tent. Thoughts ran through her mind. Celestia had at last quieted down, but Twilight's mind was racing.
Celestia murmured something which sounded like a call for her father. Or for aid. It depended on how the word was pronounced.
She could be subconsciously asking me to help her. Or simply calling for her father. Maybe she's reliving her foalhood.
She turned, trying to find a spot on the bed comfortable enough to lull her mind into a restful state. Either no spot existed or her mind was too worked up for any such spot to soothe her.
Celestia's mumbling subsided, quieting down. There was definitely a rhythm to it.
The first time they had shared a bed as marefriends Twilight had noticed it. Back then, it had only been a few frantic whispers in the middle of the night. Twilight had shrugged it off. Everyone had bad dreams sometimes. Why should Celestia be any different?
It kept happening, that was the problem. It kept happening and Celestia wouldn't tell her why.
It was pure selfishness on her part, she knew it was. Celestia had opened herself up to Twilight, given both her heart and now even her body. It was greed and only greed that made her want even this part of Celestia. To know her secrets and fears, to defend her from whatever troubled her.
It was part of her warrior heritage perhaps. Or the fact that she was wholly devoted to Celestia.
To an unhealthy degree, maybe? The part of her brain that never stopped analyzing things asked her. She politely asked that part of her brain to shut up for a second.
She growled to herself and rose up on the bed. A breathing exercise might subdue her runaway thoughts. First she breathed in, letting her breath cleanse her body of tension. She drew up energy from her root chakra, guided it to her heart chakra and towards her throat chakra where it traveled up to her crown. She breathed out in a long sigh.
She breathed in once more. The energy spiraled back down at her direction from her crown chakra down to her root. She focused on her root. The chakra of connections, sexuality, the earth. An excess of energy had settled there. Natural enough. She was in love and lust both. She concentrated on that energy, began to transform it, work it into an enchantment.
Before it got too far, she stopped herself. She was about to cast the spell that would allow her entry into Celestia's mind. The enchantment was released, the energy dispersed throughout her chakras.
What is wrong with me? I've finally snapped haven't I?
Did Celestia's trust mean so little to her? Maybe she was a terrible marefriend. Maybe that's why Celestia wouldn't confide in her.
She returned to her meditations. If she were calm, then sleep would eventually claim her. She wasn't sure how late it was. There was no clock in the tent. Was that another modern convenience Mustangs didn't believe in? Probably. Without the constant reminder of a clock, time seemed to slip away.
If no one was actively observing it and keeping up with it, what meaning did time really have? It was night, late into the night. Her body told her it was time to sleep so she should sleep.
Only her mind, her silly, restless mind objected. A shout escaped Celestia's mouth. Twilight recognized a word in an ancient form of Equestrian. The word meant "help" in the form of a command. An order.
She could hardly ignore a royal order. Readying her magic, she pressed her horn to Celestia's own. "I'm sorry, Tia. Please forgive me."
The magic weaved itself according to the proper patterns. With a burst, she released it.
...
Falling.
She was falling through an endless abyss. Ten-million pinpoints of silver light swirled around her. She reached out her limbs, trying to grasp onto something. There was nothing to grasp onto.
No down, no up, no here, no there. Just the endless void filled with something that was nothing.
After screaming for one-million times one million years, she felt something unfolding around her. The first noise to shatter the silence was the thunderous roar of combat spells.
Thick columns of ash and smoke billowed up from what had been stone buildings. Everything was grey, obscured by a thick cloud of smoke that rose from a rolling wave of flame and heat. There was not a building that was not burning, flames running up and down stone, devouring wood, roaring down cobblestone roads.
Unicorns dressed in armor shot down spells from the rooftops that only added to the flames. An army of Earth Ponies advanced ever closer. The spells bounced off their armor. Pegasii darted in the sky, indiscriminately shooting down both sides. Arrows whistled through the air, striking down Unicorns, hails of arrows cutting down Earth Ponies.
Twilight felt her stomach heaving. Why? Why would the Three Tribes be warring against each other? She collapsed to her stomach on a rough, granite roof that somehow wasn't burning. Feeling a hoof on her shoulder she looked up to the face of her former mentor.
Celestia looked down at her, her expression unreadable. Twilight shied away. The Sun Princess was dressed in the golden plate armor of another age, blood caked to the iron blades running along her wings. "Why have you not evacuated, Civilian?" Her voice was rough, cold. "Heliopolis is doomed. I do not think General Stone Crusher will give quarter to any Unicorns nor will King Wind Slicer."
An arrows headed straight towards her. Her horn glowed and it was snapped in half. She summoned a shield around herself and Twilight. She turned. "There is no hope left. The Great Peace is dead. Let them do as they wish." She took off her crown, tossed it to the ground. It shattered. Her shoulders sagged. "Tell me, my little unicorn, should I take you with me or will you die with this mausoleum?"
"C-Celestia...can't you stop this?"
Celestia bitterly laughed. "No. No, I tried. I can't. I am very tired."
Twilight rose. "Where will you go?"
"Everfree and plant a forest to hide in for ten-thousand years."
An explosion rocked the city. Celestia stumbled back. "Damned megaspells. Should have thrown every damned warmage in the dungeons and burned their texts."
Twilight had never seen nor felt such magic. Each spell left a conflagration, an explosion of white hot fire that reduced roads to magma and buildings to ash.
Celestia glanced at her. "Death or escape, my little pony. Choose wisely. Go on. Take your time."
"Get me out of here."
Celestia nodded and her horn lit up. Instead of the pop of a teleportation spell they stayed where they were. A series of explosions turned the remaining roads into paths of flame that licked at the already burning buildings.
Beads of sweat poured down Twilight's face as she began to orient herself. The Three Tribes were currently being led by zealots who each wanted independence. Celestia had shut herself away while conditions outside Canterlot deteriorated. The Unicorn dominated parliament had grown corrupt, raising taxes to a burdensome level and discriminating against the other tribes.
Celestia had tried to intervene. The Civil War Period was always glossed over in the Crown-approved textbooks. There was no need to reopen the wounds of the past was the official reason. The only thing that came out of it was Celestia had had a severe illness and had not been able to effectively rule.
Of course, that wasn't the true reason. Or, it was true in a manner of speaking.
"Retreat! Retreat!" The shout rang out over the tumult of the battle. The Unicorn Army began to run as a storm of arrows slashed through their ranks and Earth Pony hooves crushed them down. The Pegasii swooped down, their bladed wings crashing against Earth Pony armor.
Twilight looked away. Celestia stood there watching. "Why have you not evacuated Civilian? Nothing more can be done." She took off her crown, somehow mysteriously reappeared, and threw it down. "No matter how hard I try, nothing can be done."
Twilight hazarded a glance, confused as to how the Unicorns seemed ineffective against Earth Pony armor. Anti-magic charms? Spells that can reduce buildings to ash? This is beyond any magitech we have today.
"I burned the books Twilight. All of them."
Twilight looked over at Celestia. "What?"
Celestia continued staring out at the carnage. "I gave the warmages of the Three Tribes two options. Life in the dungeons or turning over their texts. The texts were burned. I'd do it again. Anything to keep this from happening again."
With the smell of blood and ash choking up her nostrils, Twilight felt herself agreeing with her mentor's actions even if the thought of books being burned did make her shudder. "Some magic is too dangerous to be used. I know that better than anypony."
"Yes. Like entering into another Pony's mind."
Twilight winced. "Yeah. Please, try to understand. I was worried about you."
"Must I have no secrets?"
Twilight bit her lip. "Something was bothering you. I was worried." Her ears drooped. "I'm sorry. I'll leave."
Celestia reached out, wrapped a wing around her. "Don't go. Twilight, I have wards around my mind. The only way you could have gotten in here was because some part of me wanted you to be here."
Twilight nuzzled against her. "I'm still sorry. If you wanted to dump me..."
"Oh, Twilight. Never." She nuzzled her ear.
Down below, the battle went on. What had been a city was now only a plain of ash and smoke.
"This is the most shameful moment of my life, Twilight. I ran. I secluded myself in the Everfree. Thirty years later, my loyalists had to beg me to retake power. It took a century to rebuild my empire."
Twilight pressed herself against her side. "You've been at the most shameful moment of my life. Several of them actually. Do you want to go inside my mind? It'd only be fair."
"Hmm, I must admit I'm curious as to what's in that cute purple head of yours."
Twilight cast the spell to unlock the wards around her consciousness. "It's open."
Celestia's horn took on a golden glow.
...
Celestia found herself floating in a void that stretched endlessly around her. Multicolored waves floated through the abyss. Stars shone all around her, violet pulsating stars. Immediately taking control, she flared her wings and floated on the plains of her beloved's mind. The current pulled her and she allowed it.
Twilight's memories, not guarded like her own or faded with the weight of centuries, flashed all around her. An infant unicorn took tentative steps, guided by Twilight Velvet and Night Light. An older Unicorn filly laughed as she rode upon the back of her brother. Her first attempt at levitation. Her first magic surges, powerful bursts of magic that left rooms in tatters. Her tantrums were enough to shatter plates and cups.
Celestia recognized, through Twilight's eyes, the expressions on other's faces at the demonstration of this power. Pure, raw fear. A frightened purple unicorn filly rested in her mother's embrace during a storm. Her father taught her how to direct her magic, how to let it flow through her without controlling her. Her brother defended her from bullies. Her family was a refuge for her. But outside of that, she was scared. Unsure.
What if I hurt someone? What if I can't control my magic? Twilight's frenzied thoughts rushed through her mind.
Kindergarten. She discovered books. For this, bullies swarmed towards her. Books were her friends. She'd read storybooks over and over, shutting out the harsh world and its taunting bullies.
Freak. Loser. Teacher's pet.
The cruel insults were drowned out as she became increasingly absorbed by books.
Then Celestia saw herself and almost didn't recognize herself. The memories came in flashes. She was a Perfect Being, infallible. She stood and raised the sun. Here was power with restraint, force wed to control. Here was what she, Twilight, was looking for.
Celestia sifted through her mind, skipping over lessons in how to use her gifts. Conversations over tea. Delving deeper and deeper into magic's mysteries as they sat by a fire reading over old books. Forbidden whispers from the shadows. She saw Twilight, was Twilight, as she entered into a dark magic bookstore hidden from sight. She was sixteen, reckless. She studied forbidden magic and, horrified at what she was becoming, ran out.
What would Celestia think? What would her family think?
Celestia sensed that Twilight was leading her somewhere.
She landed on the floor of a library and saw Twilight as she panicked. She'll send me back to magic kindergarten!
Back to bullies and taunts. Celestia's heart broke. "Oh Twilight, I would never..."
She couldn't look away as Twilight cast the spell. The town broke into chaos. Stallions and mares beat and trampled on each other as a child's toy, a symbol of innocence, floated around them.
Twilight stood beside her as she stood in the sky. Another her appeared like a goddess of fiery vengeance. "Oh, oh Twilight, is that really what you thought of me?"
Twilight looked away. "Back then? It was foolish and I was suffering the side affects of facing Discord, but yeah. I was truly afraid. Your approval was-maybe still is-everything to me."
"That's not healthy."
She chuckled. "Yeah. I know." She looked down at the brawl. "This is the most shameful moment of my life. We're even now."
"I wasn't angry with you."
"I don't believe you."
"No. Really, I wasn't. I was concerned for you." Celestia placed a hoof on her shoulder.
Twilight leaned against her. "We all have moments of our lives we're not proud of."
Celestia was silent for a long time. "Twilight, I turned my back on my duty and a nation was thrust into the flames. No one was really hurt by your spell."
Twilight shook her head. "You were incapacitated by Luna's fall. Depression is as much an illness as any other. Trust me, I know."
They leaned against each other, both seeking support.
Celestia smiled. "The dawn comes love. It's time to wake up. We have a lot to discuss."
Twilight avoided her gaze."Are you mad at me?"
Celestia captured her lips in a kiss. "No. In fact, I'm glad. I feel better having had shared this with someone."
Twilight returned the kiss. Celestia drew back. "But we should probably discuss this nice little thing called 'boundaries.'"
Twilight nervously chuckled.