S2 Finale Chapter 14: Canterlot Wedding pt 1
-Xavier's Recap-
Heat Season happened. This time we were better prepared. The moment we started seeing mares acting strangely, and the lack of any stallions around, we locked up the house like The Walking Dead. Rainbow, Twilight and I have been seeing each other for years, maybe, but I prefer my first... well.. second time to be with a non-sex-craved mare. Twilight, although she had pills, still left her scent on my floor last year, so that's another reason why my house was a no-pony zone during heat season. No exceptions. Of course, I had to deal with a grouchy herd after heat season ended. I didn't really care because, as Fluttershy said, "No means no." They got over it quickly thankfully. My buddies agreed that I didn't have to get raped by mares if I didn't want to.
Also, Hiroto may be on the way to making our phones work again soon. That kid is freakishly smart! He's made batteries that stores magical energy he gets from the air or something. I couldn't understand half of what the guy was saying, but it sounded smart and nerdy. Not that it's a bad thing or anything. You can never have enough smart people. That goes the same for Equestria and Earth. The more brains the better. He could take a break for a while though. And he could use some exercise too. At this rate, he'll be Ponyville's first Sumo Wrestler. Having brains is good, but it won't help much with stopping a heart attack when ya get it. Anyway, Hiroto invented the magic battery along with enhanced walkie talkies that have a connection that'll reach all the way to Canterlot. And the crusaders said he was making a super weapon. Shame on you Jack for actually believing that bullshit.
-End of Recap-
(Saturday 6/3)
I was tea bagging over Jack's dead body in Halo multiplayer when I heard knocks at the door. I was too busy owning almost everyone and catching up to my brother in scores, so whoever was knocking at the door was made to wait. The knocking did continue for those ten minutes, but when I ended up being tied with my bro, I went to the door and opened it for Twilight, who in turn wasn't too happy with me making her wait.
"What took you so long?! I was out here waiting for hours!" She said.
"I was in the middle of something." Twilight looked behind me to see what the humans were doing before raising an eye at him. "Hey! Trae always win and I finally tied to him, alright?!"
"Really?" She asked, bemused.
"Anyway, what's got your tail in a twist, huh?"
"Well, if you must know, my brother is getting married, and I'm the last to know about it." She started ranting. "I thought I was special to him. I expected to be the first to know, not the very last!"
"Mhm.." I said, already having the life drained out of me.
"I mean, how would you feel if Traevon got married but didn't tell you?" She asked.
"Wouldn't care. Private weddings are a thing."
"Seriously?" Twilight asked, dumbfounded. "You seriously wouldn't care?!"
"Nope. Some people prefer not to have traditional weddings on Earth. Not all weddings have to have hundreds of people attending and a priest, or white flying doves, or cake, or all of that expensive stuff." I explained.
"But in Equestria, it's..." She sighed. "I'll explain it later, but Celestia wants all of you to be there."
"Hell no!" Jeff said from the other room.
"Nah, too sappy for me." Said Jack.
"But the princess-"
"Can kiss my ass! I'm not going!" Said Jeff.
I looked at Twilight. "Don't force it, please. Bro and I'll go at least. He'll be headed there with Octavia."
"How did you know?"
"He told me about a wedd- oh this is the same wedding! Heheh, woah.. more people knew about this wedding, even people who didn't really care. Holy shit, Twi!" I chuckled.
Twilight's face was red as she was fuming. "You're not helping!" She said through her teeth. I picked her up and hugged her.
"Twilight, you know I love picking on you. Relax, I'm sure your bro had a good reason why he didn't tell you."
"Like what?" She said, her ears folding to the side. "What could be so important that he couldn't bother to tell his BLSFF?"
"Not gonna ask what that stands for, but..." I looked at Canterlot and noticed something strange. "think it might have something to do with why the city looks like a pink snow-less snow globe?" I said, pointing. There was a bubble around the whole city.
Twilight looked, but was unphased. "Yes, I admit that's weird, but what does that have to do with my brother and his wedding? The pink is probably just there to make it look all lovey dovey. It doesn't explain why he didn't tell me."
"Well, I'm assuming we're gonna be staying a night in Canterlot, so I suppose you should pause on the ranting a bit and let me pack at least?" I said, scratching behind her ears. The girls love it when I do that. She nuzzled and waited outside while I went up to get my things. Bro was already packed, and by the time I was and down stairs, his herd was already waiting for him at the front door with Twilight. Didn't think Vinyl was the type to go to weddings. They aren't necessarily 'wubby.'
We met the others on the train to Canterlot. Lyra was babbling on about being a bridesmare while bro patted her back. But that got me thinking. I don't remember them telling me about marriage.
"Hey, Twilight. Can I ask ya somethin?" She looked up at me with her ears perked up. "I was wondering, isn't marriage a thing between only two people or ponies? How would that happen if a stallion has a herd?"
"Why are you asking?" She asked. "Is something on your mind?"
"Well, where I'm from, marriage is usually between one man and one female. However, apparently you can have as many females as you want here, so how does it work?"
Twilight giggled. "Thinking about the future? Xavier, some ponies fall for only one other pony, and that pony can only love said pony. It's rare, but it does happen." Son of a bitch... "But a stallion can get married to his entire herd if he wanted to. It all depends on how everypony in the herd feels about it. So relax." I have a headache...
I nodded my head, pretending that she was right about why I asked. I hope marriage is more rewarding here than on Earth. I closed my eyes and took a long nap.
"Xavier, wake up. We're here." Twilight said, unhappily.
I did as told, waking up as I was shaken lightly by the unicorn. Yawning, I got my bags and walked out of the train behind a grumbling Twilight. I scratched behind her ears to help her relieve tension. "I'm sure he has a good reason. Relax, Twi."
"I'll try." She said, giving me a weak smile, but her folded back ears didn't lie. She was still very irritated. I noticed there were quite a few guards around, and frankly they looked in better shape than they did during my first encounter with them. A few might even be able to take me on. Soon, we found my favorite guard of all, Shining Armor.
"I've got something to say to you, mister!" She said, storming up to him.
"Twily!" He came down from his post. "Aw I missed you kid! How was the- wait.." He caught notice of me.
"Hey. Nice to met ya again, Shining Armor." I snickered while waving. No matter how many times I hear it, it doesn't sound any less cheezy.
"You brought him here?! Are you nuts?! He's trouble waiting to happen!"
"Well, yeah, the princesses invited him."
"You knew I was trouble when I walked in. But the princess didn't know no no." I sang.
"This isn't about him, Shining. This is about you." She said. "How dare you not tell me in person that you were getting married! I'm your sister for ponies' sake!"
Long story short, someone tipped off a big danger that was on its way to Canterlot and Shining was responsible for holding the shield up. After he finished explaining, Twilight turned her head to look at me, knowing what was coming.
"Called it!"
"Excuse me, Xander or whatever your name really is, can I speak to my sister in private please?" Shining asked.
"Oh don't mind me. I'm practically not paying any attention anyway. This is an issue between you and your sis."
-3rd Person-
Frankly he was being true to his word. He stood from a distance and was more focused on the other guards who were eyeing him suspiciously. I guess if Shining hates me, so do they. A smile spread across his face as he thought of a way to make his stay here more fun. Good. They're gonna really hate me soon enough. he thought. After a while, another tall pony that had a pink coat and a pink, yellow and purple mane walked out of a building to her fiance. Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, aka Cadence, who Xavier didn't know was actually Twilight's childhood foalsitter.
Twilight was excited at first, doing a dance only she and Cadence knew, but when she didn't dance back and seemed uninterested in her, Twilight was wondering what was wrong. More so, she noticed Xavier was looking at her funny. His furrowed brows she assumed was because of how Cadence seemed rude to Twilight. It was something else, but he couldn't put his finger on it just yet, but it was off to him. When Cadence left with shining, Xavier walked up to her.
"You okay there Twilight?"
She shook her head. "I don't know, but something isn't right.."
The two decided to follow Cadence around. Well, correction. Twilight decided to follow Cadence around and Xavier was dragged along with Twilight. The more they followed, the more Twilight's distaste for Cadence grew, and the more Xavier looked at her funny again as he started seeing more strange things about her, but he remained quiet.
"I can't believe this!" Twilight exclaimed. "I don't know what caused her to change, but I don't like it."
Xavier rolled his eyes. "Really? Ya don't say."
"I'm serious! She used to be so nice, loving and caring. She used to be the best babysitter I've ever had, but now, she's marrying my brother and she's become somepony I wish I never ever met!" She said. "And my friends don't even seem to notice her jerky behavior!"
"Twilight, you need to relax. Sure, she may seem different than you remember." Xavier tried to explain. "I mean, maybe it's because she's sick, or something happened in her life to cause her to change?"
"I don't even want to know." Twilight grumbled.
"I mean, if I was a beautiful pink alicorn mare and suddenly ended up with a jagged horn, fangs, weird wings and holes in her legs, I'd probably be grouchy too, but then again, I'm a guy. I wouldn't give a fuck."
Now it was Twilight's turn to have a funny look."Jagged horn? Holes in her legs? What are you talking about? Cadence never had any of those. Are you sure you're talking about the same pony?"
"I've never saw a pony like her, but I'm pretty sure there are many more types of ponies I'm unaware about." Xavier shrugged. "I think I'm gonna stop by Donut Joes. See you at the wedding rehearsal."
"Okay, but I'm gonna talk to the girls again. They have to understand that this wedding is a mistake."
And so the two went their seperate ways. Xavier headed to Donut Joes for a sugary snack whereas Twilight went to bug her friends more.
-Xavier's POV-
"Thanks again, Joe." I waved after leaving the store.
"Come back soon. Have fun at the rehearsal." Joe said before the door closed.
I rolled my eyes, mumbling an "I'll try" before I headed to the castle. Before I arrived to the throne room, I noticed the girls minus Twilight were wearing dresses that looked similar to the ones they were in when they went to the Gala with.
"Hey Eggsy! You'll never guess what happened!"
"Princess Mi Amore Cadenza made us her new bridesmares!"
"Gee, Rainbow Sap. Never knew you of all ponies would be excited about these types of things." I said, chuckling.
"W-well, just this once I am, alright?" Rainbow said as her face flushed.
Rarity was clopping her hooves. "Ooh this is just so exciting. I cannot wait for the rehersal!"
Rainbow walked up to me. "You're gonna watch, right big guy?"
"Sure I am." I replied. That was before I realized I tempted fate. "...Right after I use the can." So I zipped through the labyrinth of a palace the princesses have and made it to the nearest laboratory.
After I took care of business and getting lost a few times, I made it back to the throne room just in time to see the pink princess running out in tears. Well, not really in tears. Her face looked as dry as a desert, but she was sobbing. Guess it may have something to do with her medical condition. Then, Shining Armor came running after her.
"Hey, Xander, did you see Cadence run by?" He asked.
I shrugged pointing my thumb to the direction she went behind me. "That chick needs to get laid, badly." He simply snorted and galloped past me. I went to the throne room, but found Twilight's friends and my bro walking past her. They all had the look of disappointment on their faces.
"So are we still doing the thing with the thing?" I said, my brain being too lazy to say what it actually was while making walking gestures with my hands for some odd reason.
"No, and you can thank Twilight for that."
I looked up at my bro. "Why? What happened?"
"You need to talk to her about how she behaves around ponies that look abnormal." He replied.
"You see it too? I kept quiet about it around her. Didn't wanna be rude." I shrugged.
"And I applaud you for doing so." He said before walking off with the girls.
I saw Celestia passing Twilight. "You have a lot to think about." She passed me as well without even saying anything and closed the doors to the throne room.
"Can someone or pony please tell me what the hell is going on?"
"It's all my fault..." Twilight said quietly. "I was too protective of Shining and I might have even ruined the wedding!" She started sobbing. "What am I supposed to do? I thought I was going to gain a sister but I ended up losing a brother instead!"
I was compelled to cheer her up, but she was pretty mean towards Cadence. Sure with reason, but... Well, she was being a bitch. Even I would've had a hard time dealing with it if she was a bitch to my friends and was into my bro. So I said "Fuck it" got down and hugged her. She hugged back when I heard the sounds of hooves clopping up behind me. I turned my head to see a pink holed hoof.
"Oh hey Cadence." I said.
Twilight looked up at her with tears in her eyes. "Cadence, I'm so sorry..."
The answer she received was far from what I expected. "You should be."
Before knew it, Twilight and I were surrounded in flames. I didn't wanna touch the thing, but I noticed Twilight being pulled through the floor. I tried to pull her up, but whatever this magic was it was pulling on her, but not me. Shit... I'm magic resistant, that's right. Twilight tried to hold on to my leg, but it was all for naught as soon, only her hoof was sticking out of the floor, sinking until no trace of her was there. Standing up, I turned to Cadence.
"Bring her back, please."
"I don't know how you're still standing there, creature, but whatever you are, you are in no position to demand anything from me." She replied.
"I'm only going to ask you one more time."
She laughed. "And all I have to do is scream, and Shining will be galloping to my rescue."
"Did Shining ever tell you how we met, and how I kicked his ass? Heh, Twilight wasn't too happy with me." I smiled. "Ya know, I know ya look funny, don't know whether or not it's because you have a disease that causes ya to have holes in your legs and a jagged horn, or you're some type of pony I've yet to meet, but that's no excuse to for being a bitch."
This took her by surprise, her eyes widening when I said that. Her shocked look was then replaced by a devilish grin. "So, you're able to see through my disguise, creature?" She went up in flames as she began to reveal her true form.
"So... You're not Cadence? I mean, you just turned from pink to black. Ya still look funny, just edgier."
She stomped her holed up hoof. "No you fool! I am not Cadence! I am Queen Chrysalis! Queen of the changelings!"
"The fuck's a changeling? Wait... is that why your legs look like Jeff used them for target practice?"
"ENOUGH!!" She hissed. "If you can see through our disguises, then I'll have to see to it that you don't interfere with my plans."
"Don't care. Just give Twilight back and I'll let ya marry her douche brother."
"And then I'll deal with your brother too." Yup. That did it. She was on the ground a split second later from a roundhouse kick that would've made Chuck Norris proud. She got back up and started blasting me with her green changeling magic blasts (I'm no good with coming up with names for these on the spot. Shut up.) only to realize she wasn't doing shit. When I got close to her, I grabbed her by the horn and punched her again.
"Shouldn't have threatened my bro. What're ya gonna do now, bitch?" I asked. She smiled and screamed, but in Cadence's voice. Of course,I turned to see armed guards pouring in the room. What's worse, so did Celestia, Twilight's friends, and my brother. Shining was pissed.
"LET HER GO YOU BASTARD!" He yelled, charging at me. I pulled my gun on him and stopped him in his tracks.
When I looked at the changeling queen I was holding by the horn, she was pink again and sobbing. You're kidding...
"Put. My niece. Down." Celestia commanded.
I had a moment to think. I could tell them that she's not really Cadence, but they wouldn't believe me. If changelings were like spies from Team Fortress 2, I could shoot her and watch her corpse change, but then there goes the risk of her not changing back and thus making it look like I just murdered the ruler's niece. Then, there goes my life. I went with option one.
"What if she isn't who you think she is?"
"I SAID LET HER GO!" Celestia said, using her RCV. I shrugged, letting go of Not-Cadence as she went back to her whipped Shining. "Guards! Take him to the dungeon."
I turned the safety off of my S&W and tossed it to bro. I won't be needing it where I'm going.
I was sitting in the castle's dungeon, being stared down at by not only Celestia, but Rainbow and her friends too. Rainbow shook her head at me before leaving with her friends, mumbling "I can't believe you."
"What should we do with him, Traevon? He threatened and assaulted a princess."
Bro shook his head. "Frankly, I think he was under your student's influence when he did."
"Wanna know where she is?" I asked.
"Where is she, Xavier?" Celestia and Trae asked.
"I don't know. The 'bride' does though." I said.
"This isn't any time for games! You're in a lot of trouble here! You attacked Celestia's niece! That'll look bad for everyone! Me, Brianna, Jack, Jeff, every one of us! So cut the shit and talk!" Traevon yelled. It wasn't too often anyone would hear Trae raise his voice. It was a rarity. Fuckin Rarity...
Unfortunately for the two of them, I only gave them the one fingered salute before I walked to the corner of my cell and sat there. I wasn't really mad. More along the lines of disappointed, sad, and worried. Disappointed at my bro, sad that Rainbow and Fluttershy might hate me, and worried about Twilight. There is a silver lining in all of this however. One that made me started thinking positive thoughts to help me through this turmoil.
Shining still doesn't know that I'm railing his sister.