Fluttershy clutched the yellow slip in her hand and read it for the thirteenth time as she walked through a hallway. Why Principal Celestia needed her so soon after school started that Friday, she wasn’t sure. She was hoping it had nothing to do with Mr. Doodle or Mr. Cordwood.
Fluttershy frowned as she felt today’s stress weighing down on her shoulders and a anxious heat all across her body. For the past two days Mr. Cordwood had been trying to pry for her name without directly asking, even though he had that much more opportunity to ask. It seemed the more Fluttershy saw him on a daily basis, the more confusing and bipolar he acted. It drives the little woman crazy, not knowing why he acts so strange. She had been practicing her patience with him in hope that, possibly, he wouldn’t be so mean to her. On the one hand he had shown he knew how to be gentle and understanding, and he tries to be generous with his vast brain of knowledge during class, all while thoroughly enjoying himself. Then out of the blue, he puts on this facade of aloofness and hides the pain Fluttershy already knows is there.
The young woman gripped her head lightly as her headache from the previous night’s fight with her house mate beat against her skull. Her mother had yelled at her, slapping her hard, causing a head wound and an noxious migraine.
Fluttershy opened her eyes once again and realized just how much of a hypocrite she was being. Here she was keeping a mask on her face and hiding what really goes on in her life, but she tries to speculate and figure out what is going on in another’s. It was none of Fluttershy’s business why Mr. Cordwood acts the way he does, he does it out of pain for certain. However, his reasoning should remain unknown unless he were to tell her about it. Which would most likely never happen since Mr. Cordwood always pushed away any sort of kindness Fluttershy had to offer. They wouldn’t be the best of friends if they couldn’t even be good acquaintances. Either way, the year would be a dizzying loop of sarcastic remarks and kind gestures on top of her already poignant homelife, whether it was welcome or not.
Fluttershy practiced her smile before walking into Celestia’s office, keeping her happiness at the front lines, and her depression covered by the familiar mask. The edges of her smile creasing, making small dimples show at the corners of her lips. She smiled brightly before relaxing into a tender, small smile as she walked up to the door. Her delicate hand reached for the knob and she turned it slowly, knocking lightly on the wood of Principal Celestia’s door as it opened.
“ Um, hello? Principal Celestia? I...got a note-” Celestia was looking out her window at the pleasant view of the front lawn of Canterlot High. It was a sunny day, but the winter months were already starting to show through the colorful tree leaves. There was still an abundance of green, but the trees were painted with orange and yellow flecks if one paid enough attention. Before Fluttershy had walked in, Celestia had found herself focused on a tree off to the side of the lawn, deep in thought.
The tall woman, hearing the door close, turned to her student she had summoned and smiled brightly like the sun beyond the window.
“My child, please, come sit.” Celestia gestured to the chair in front of her desk, still smiling warmly. Fluttershy smiled back and obliged. The room was quiet for a moment, before Celestia sat down at her desk and began to speak again.
“I understand you are confused by why I have called you here?” Celestia said it like a question, but Fluttershy stayed silent. “Well, if you remember correctly, I had you assist me in picking up a friend of mine from the airport earlier this week. You do recall?” Fluttershy held her breath for several moments. She didn’t really want to discuss her thoughts on him, but her principal seemed to be asking out of concern. Fluttershy didn’t want to get Mr. Cordwood in any trouble, perhaps she should stay quiet about his mishaps and rude demeanor towards her. Fluttershy smiled thoughtfully up at Celestia before responding.
“ Oh yes, I do. He was very sweet and fun to be around. It was very enjoyable to be in his company.” Fluttershy said innocently, hoping Celestia would then leave the subject alone. But of course, she didn’t. Celestia smirked then laughed light heartedly.
“Fluttershy, there’s no reason to lie to me, I know full well of Cordwood’s antics. I know him too well to be fooled to believe that he is anything but misunderstood, and often offensive to those he meets.” Fluttershy mentally face-palmed, of course Celestia would know who he is really, they were friends. The young woman then thought harder on that. No, they weren’t, because Mr. Cordwood said he didn’t have any friends to her personally. The Principal noticed Fluttershy’s confused look and carried on with the conversation.
“I know how hard it must have been to be around him-” Celestia stated sadly, to which Fluttershy looked up quickly and interrupted the Principal in a fleeting moment of rescue for the man who couldn’t defend himself at the moment.
“No, not at all, I meant what I said...about Mr. Cordwood being fun and entertaining...of course, he was rude and there was something...odd...about him, but he wasn’t what I would consider ‘hard’ to handle!” Fluttershy said defensively. Celestia looked at her student in surprise, then smiled brightly again.
This will be easier than I originally thought. Celestia thought in relief.
“If that is how you perceive him, and personally, I agree. That is why I need your help, any other person wouldn’t see him the way you and I do.” Celestia began. Fluttershy looked at her, even more confused than before.
“What do you mean, Principal Celestia?” Fluttershy asked.
“When we were younger, we knew each other well during our elementary years; we went to a boarding school together. He was several grades older than me but we got along fairly well. Cordwood was often...picked on for his intelligence, but it didn’t seem to bother him as much as it did me-” Celestia got up, a nervous habit of walking around entitled her to stand as she spoke. “I will spare his story, for his sake, but something back then triggered him to push everyone away. He’s been this way ever since. After his graduation, I never saw him again, I only knew he had left for another city to pursue his studies and become a teacher. I only just recently met him again while I was in Arabia for the summer. I -somehow- convinced him to come to America and be a part of my school, offering him a position once he completed his studies.”
“Wow, he’s been in school a long time, hasn’t he?” Fluttershy deducted, her face now more solemn than before. Celestia chuckled nervously before continuing.
“Not too long, but he does love to learn. Though sadly, in recent years he has become quite arrogant and refuses to associate with others in a friendly manner. This is why, well, I would understand if you were to decline my offer...maybe you could try and help him be kinder?”
Fluttershy looked at her crazy Principal with her mouth agape for several moments, before closing it abruptly and smiling nervously.
“A-are you sure t-that no one e-e-else can do it?” She stammered as Celestia’s face fell into a frown.
“I’m afraid not, no one else would have the amount of patience to deal with him and certainly not the kindness to treat such a fickle person that he is.” Celestia looked at her student sorrowfully. “I understand if it makes you uncomfortable, and I’m sure eventually I would be able to help him open up and trust others again, given time.” Celestia moved to the door, she was prepared to open it and allow Fluttershy to leave without another thought on the Cordwood subject. She knew that Cordwood was in one of her classes, but now Fluttershy wouldn’t worry about it if she didn’t agree to helping the teacher’s assistant. Afterall, Celestia had put him there on purpose for this very reason. She wanted nothing more than her old role-model back on his feet again, and she knew well enough of Fluttershy and her personality to know it would help significantly with “reforming” Cordwood. But she also knew how difficult it would be for Fluttershy to agree to this, to try and help a man who was ignorant to such gestures. So, Celestia opened the door and was about to say goodbye when-
“Wait! I-” Fluttershy thought for a moment. She was just asked to help a sad and angry man be kind like he once had been, and by Celestia’s account, she was the only one who could do so. The times she’d spent with Mr. Cordwood at school and their first encounter were only of his sad eyes and mean remarks and her being kind and sweet to him. It was an endless game that Cordwood loved to play, to torment her and laugh at her expense. And yet… as Fluttershy suffered and Cordwood taunted her, all she could see were his sad eyes. The way they pleaded even though he smiled, shrugged, and joked. Those eyes that were dark and dangerous and swirled with mystery. The eyes of a lonely soul that knew of no one who loved them. Red irises that seeked adventure and knowledge, who were kind, even though they were scared. That was his pain. He was scared, he was sad, and he was lonely. He wanted someone to be there and talk to him so he wasn’t alone in the dark alley by himself. Cordwood wanted a little bird to rest on his head and tell him how silly he was for not loving himself. He was a cat, a sad, lonely cat with sad, red eyes.
Fluttershy knew then what she had to do.
“I-I want to do it! I want to-to be his friend!” She said determined, getting up and practically skipping to the shocked Principal by the door. “I’m not sure if I can really do it but-I will certainly try. I understand how lonely he must be and I don’t wish that on anyone. So maybe-maybe I can be his friend and show him kindness, maybe I can open his heart?”
Celestia looked down at Fluttershy and smiled proudly, then hugged her tight. Fluttershy’s eyes widened in surprise, then softened, happily returning Celestia’s hug.
“Thank you.” Celestia whispered to her beloved student.
“Of course, but, do you really think I can befriend him?” Fluttershy asked, she was worried she might not be able to succeed, but that wouldn’t stop her from trying. Though, it would be nice to have the support from her Principal.
“I know you will.” Celestia said confidently, holding Fluttershy’s chin gently. Fluttershy blushed, receiving so much high praise made her embarrassed. She did feel more confident now, and she was excited to help Celestia more than anything, and that was to help Cordwood.
It was too early for Cordwood, the man yawned loudly, holding his hand to his mouth, hardly muffling the sound. He knew he shouldn’t have spent all night reading, but he did it anyway, there was nothing better to do.
Cordwood sat on the window sill, meditation style, rummaging through some paperwork he hadn’t finished last night. While he pondered how many times a piece of paper had to ask him if he was allergic to anything, he sucked on a pink cotton candy flavored sucker. His favorite type of candy. He sucked, and wrote, multitasking as he listened to Doodle teach his third hour students. The hours of the first half of the day molded together and passed so quickly.
It was awfully boring in that classroom, like most of the school it was white and green. You would think it’d be more colorful and welcoming. Unless you considered the posters and the art room as enough color to make the school seem remotely alive, this building was a good representation the school of the dead.
And that’s saying something since I was raised in a Boarding School
Cordwood laughed to himself quietly, Doodle failing to notice in the slightest. The class was always very quiet and dreary, making it seem like it was grey inside. Luckily Cordwood, being up against the window allowed his back access to the warm rays of the winter sun, reminding him there was actually life outside of Mr. Doodle’s jail cell.
The man sighed heavily, writing down his short-handed signature on the last page of his college enrollment.
Yes, he was smart, and was capable of becoming a teacher at any point, but knowledge gave him a sense of power and there was always more to learn. So he thought he would go to college for one more year to get more stuff crammed in that genius of a brain before he started his career in teaching.
Another sigh escaped him, this time through his nose. He put the contract down in front of him and stared off, outside of course, towards the land of the living.
Definitely nothing like this place…
When he became a teacher, he would be fun, and try new and better techniques besides lecturing the class’s ears off. No, he would make everything worth while and it’d be a hands-on experience. That was the best kind of learning. To touch and to feel it for yourself.
His mind wandered, and it went nowhere else but to the most recent memories of a young woman with long irish pink locks and a gentle smile that melted your heart.
Cordwood opened his eyes abruptly, his pupils shrunk in realization of his daydream.
He missed her.
It made sense, the room he was in could be considered the anti-fun zone, no games could be played when there was no opportunity. It was only a game, just a game. He thought on that. Many people wonder why he plays these “games”, and enjoys toying with others’ minds. If he was honest, he didn’t know anymore.
I guess when you’ve done it for so long you forget what the point was in the first place. He thought to himself, Doodle’s voice became more monotone and you could practically hear sleep beckoning through the still air. Cordwood closed his eyes for a moment and dreamed, he shouldn’t be afraid to see her again if he did, but this time he only saw black calmness.
Most thought he was crazy and aloof, but that was only something he held up to shield himself. The calm peacefulness was something he longed for, since life was always so tiring. His brain worked sluggishly and his blood slowed down, his heart rate steadying as he thought more deeply and muffled out the background noise.
It wasn’t that long ago to him, the depression, the sadness that took over his life. The black pit of his vision turned to something blue, light blue, with soft white streaks gliding across it.
“Hey, what are you doing? Don’t you wanna play with me? You promised you would teach me to write today too…” A young girl’s voice echoed throughout his memories. The person she was talking to was unknown at the moment, and her face was blurry as she popped into view.
“Sorry Tia-” A young boys voice responded, he sounded so young and fragile, sickly. “I’m afraid I-I can’t today...I-um…” The voice paused, then a stifled noise came from him.
“A-Abay? What’s wrong, why are you crying? Was someone mean to you again? I can help you-”
“No, don’t...don’t bother! T-There’s nothing you can do to help…”The young boy stopped himself and breathed heavily, then he stood up. The young girl's face was clearer now, she was so small compared to him. She was only a child, and the young boy was some adolescent. Apart from the blurry tears, he could see her face was small and round and her eyes sparkled, she was crying too. Her hair was put into two neat ponytails that were a light pink and she wore a dark blue uniform.
The young boy looked to her, then at the sky and sighed a heavy, shaky breath.
“There’s nothing you can do to help me Tia...I-I think I just want to be alone…” The boy said calmly.
“Oh, t-that’s okay, I’ll wait till you feel better and then we can-”
“Tia…” The little girl went quiet as the boy took slow and shaky breaths.
“I don’t think we’ll be able to talk to each other again...I-I’m sorry...I’m just-better off on my own. You can go make some new friends, and you're smart, you don’t need me anymore.”
“But-But I want….I-I want you to teach me. sniff W-why won’t you stay with me...I’ll be all alone…”
The boy lifted his hand slightly in guilt, then thought better and put it down as another tear fell from his cheek.
“I-It’s better to be alone...than to feel what I’m feeling now, Tia. Feelings...hurt, so I’m giving them up...but don’t fret, this is what I want. Don’t worry about me...just don’t.”
A loud shriek sounded throughout the halls of the school and Cordwood awoke abruptly and fell off the counter on the floor, receiving a classroom of laughs just as the students began filing out. His heart rate was fast now, he must have been dreaming; Doodle’s long lecture making sleep come to him faster than it usually had.
“Awake now, are we?” Doodle said coming up to the man on the floor and kicking Cordwood’s shoe with his foot lightly. “Good rest I assume?” Cordwood slipped his foot slowly away from the teacher as he looked up at Doodle with shrewd eyes. “It’s lunch time kid, get you somethin’ to eat before I make you clean out the cobwebs on the walls.” Cordwood didn’t know if the teacher was actually concerned about his hunger, which he didn’t know he had, or that Doodle just wanted the “kid” out of his hair. The teacher’s assistant stood up quickly and brushed off his clothes nonchalantly as he grabbed his lunch sack and walked out without another word.
He walked down the halls and watched a blurry reflection walk on the shiny white walls beside him. Cordwood rubbed his neck, it being sore and achy from not sleeping correctly he supposed, and then he yawned.
“Ugh, everything is so boring in this dumb school.” Cordwood mumbled bitterly, not even bothering to trail off that sentence. It was a fact to him, it ended in a period and wasn’t trailed, being a legitimate statement that he had concluded. As far as the eye could see, there were neutrals. All he could see were dull colors. From whites to dull greens to horrible blues that stained the walls as things considered art on paper. Hideous, he thought again. No matter how colorful and welcoming the adolescents that came here claimed to be, their school was still an awful bland and it clashed easily with the masses.
Instead of straining his eyes any longer, Cordwood focused instead on his shoes and listened to his lunch box make a shuffling against his leg. It was a calming sound to him, and again, he felt sluggish. He was always like this; he had thought maybe the nightmares would go away at some point. Yet, the scenes kept replaying over and over in his mind until he decided it’d be to better stay up and read a book. Sleep would come eventually as it had in Mr. Doodle’s class, but it was enforced and was fleeting, and every time rest came it left a deeper scar.
Cordwood shook his head. No! It would not be this way forever, it would go away soon enough, he couldn’t stay this way for an eternity. He wouldn’t live through it, he knew that. The medicines didn’t help anymore, the sessions were too long ago to remember what he had learned, all he could recall were the long hours of a low mumble as his child-like eyes looked out the window. The time that he sat in a chair and looked to the side where a mass of judges sat so they could see his pain as he spoke. These memories would just go away later, wouldn't they?
“Afternoon, my friend.” A voice echoed in the hallway, and the footsteps closed in on their targeted person.
“Marhaba-er- Afternoon…” Cordwood corrected himself, his head being in the clouds messing up his dialect. He spoke in English perfectly after his native tongue had held itself, allowing Cordwood to be professional. The teacher’s assistant turned to see an old face coming closer to him. Not really old, more like a young face from a distant memory. She still looked as pretty and proud as ever. “Celestia.” He growled a little, it wasn’t that he was annoyed with her, it was the feeling she gave him. Regret.
“Marhabaan to you too, teacher…” Celestia smiled thoughtfully. “I understand it must be a bit hard for you to adapt to the English tongue, you’ve only just arrived this week after all, after being on Arabia for so long...” She sympathized.
“I know English well enough Tia, don’t pity the possum when it isn’t dead.” He began to walk once more after Celestia had caught up with him. “And might I say your flowing candy advertisement is as lovely as ever...how much does Airhead pay you for that hair?” Celestia giggled.
“Is it that chromo today?”
“More so than usual, you must be exhausted to brush off my insult that quickly, Tia.” Fact. It ends with a period. He knew it wasn’t just the insult dodge, he noticed the owl-like dark circles around her eyes, and the sluggish walking making him move painfully slower than he would want to. All of these factors correlated with the fact that Celestia was drained.
“I have learned to brush past your mean banter toward me as brutal sarcasm till this point. I’ll admit though, I am a little weary...running a school as I do will leave you wanting retirement as quickly as you had received the job.” The white, pretty faced Principle carried on in silence after that, Cordwood walking lazily beside her. Cordwood felt the pain of hunger and decided to eat what he had in his lunch box as he walked down the hall. It was best to walk while eating than to sit some place possibly ear-splitting; and it would have stayed peaceful if Tia hadn't began talking again as Cordwood took a bite of his peanut-butter sandwich.
“Cordwood, what do you plan on doing while you’re here?” Cordwood chewed for a moment, the sweet peanut-butter tasting bitter the longer he was next to Celestia.
“Learn.” He answered simply, then took another bite.
“Are you still going to college? Aren’t you a bit old to still be going?” Celestia teased.
“Of course not-” Cordwood retorted through a stuffed mouth. “I’m only 27!” He pouted, pausing after chewing and swallowing. “It’s my voice isn’t it?” Cordwood complained once again.
“Hehe, no, I just thought with that brilliant mind of yours you would already be a chemistry professor or something. I can understand that what happened may have held you back a few years, but I thought you would have been done by now…” Celestia trailed off when she looked at Cordwood’s fallen face. Her eyes widened, she coughed and apologized. “Forgive me, that wasn’t my place, I hadn’t realized you were still-”
“I’m over it.” Period. He was, most definitely, but it still hurt to talk about it at any point in time. Ever. This was a forbidden subject, but he was still over it. Definitely.
The hallway grew silent again, most of Cordwood’s sandwich uneaten as it usually ended up being. Celestia and Cordwood listened to the shuffle of his lunchbox against his pant leg instead. The principle thought deeply as she focused her hearing on the quiet noise, her arms crossed and her brow furrowed in a worry look.
“Will you always be like this, friend?” Celestia watched Cordwood put away his sandwich back in its box. He was silent again, and for the longest time Celestia thought he wouldn't answer.
“Like what?” He broke the silence with a strained voice.
“Distant. Not just from me, but from everyone around you. You say you’re over it, but you don't act that way. You're constantly pushing others away and-”
“Enough, Tia.” He stopped in front of her, his hand outward to make her stop as well. The hall was dim here, and the air was pressed with tension and intense breathing from Celestia. Fear coursed through her as she looked up at the tall man before her, but all she could see was a young boy with a cold gaze.
“I don't need anymore therapy from anyone else...especially someone like you. Don't you have some drones and a prison to run instead of being my mother?” His eyes looked dead, frozen in place as they stared the young Principal down as if to scold her for being disrespectful. They were dark and dangerous, more so than usual, Celestia could sense his emotions went quickly out of balance.
“I-” Celestia paused for a second, taking a deep breath. She was a mentor, but she was also a friend, and she knew that her friend needed help. “I'm not being authoritative, I only wish to see you happy Cordwood.” She started, but Cordwood interrupted her with a pathetic laugh.
“Happy? Happy?!” He aggressively stepped forward and pointed to Celestia with fire in his eyes. “There is no such thing for me, Tia. I could try, but the moment I see it, it will be gone before I can even feel what it's like. You may think you can command everyone around you to do your bidding, and you may think you can grant people whatever they want...but you can’t, especially for me...there are no such things as miracles…” he stood straight up and began to walk away, and in a sudden moment of boldness, Celestia spoke up again.
“What if there was?” He stopped. “A way you could be happy again, Cordwood.” He turned around and stared at her in surprise. “What if you opened up...or trusted someone just one last time and it ended well for you…what if that person could make you happy, and you could believe again...in miracles?” Cordwood stared at her with a confused brow, then his face twisted into a sorry excuse for a smile.
“Yeah, sure, when this miracle comes, if ever, let me know!” He walked off waving his goodbyes. Yeah, right, like that's gonna happen. “Now if you excuse me,” he said, lifting his lunchbox at eye level, “I’m on break!”
Celestia stayed in the spot Cordwood had left her in the hall, alone with her thoughts.
“It already has Cordwood...just take it when she comes.” Celestia whispered to herself, then turned back around to go to her office, the discussion between her and Cordwood long since over.