Dear Princess Celestia,
I guess I don't blame you for having me locked up in here. I should have known the wards I used would fail with my consciousness, but obviously I wasn't thinking clearly. With Spike visiting the dragon lands all week, I have to imagine it was you or Rainbow Dash who found me and my letter.
I still don't feel like I deserve these wings. I have a lot to learn. But the doctors have helped—especially Redheart, I might have to do something for her if I ever feel comfortable exercising authority again—and the pills have helped, and I don't feel like I have to die quite as strongly anymore. I could still make a convincing argument, though. I don't think anypony here knows how to deal with ponies who can actually make a rational case for their own demise.
My... handler... says I should focus on something more positive. For now, I don't want to say too much, but Fluttershy is the best. She's been here every day. My other friends have stopped by almost as often, but she was here when I woke up. I guess it really leaves an impression when the first thing you see is one of your best friends crying on you.
More positively—Why she's the best. She actually has a lot more to say than the rest of my friends, and she feels the most like she's here for me, instead of for herself and her own fear and worry. She can talk endlessly about what everypony has been doing while I've been here. Listening to her, I feel like I've been out and about with the ponies I love, not trapped in this dull institution. Did you know that Rainbow Dash and Harry the Bear are wrestling partners now? Or that it's traditional for bears to have wrestling partners, and they're smart enough to help ponies take care of other animals?
That was a weird tangent, but it's been on my mind. Anyway, about Fluttershy. I was still pretty bad when I woke up. I asked her why she was crying over somepony like me—don't worry, I'm past that now!—and she blurted out that she loved me. Like, love loved me. Loves, I guess. Apparently she's had a crush on me since we met and didn't have the courage to say anything. That is just so like her.
I don't know how to deal with this.
I must continue to sign as
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Princess Celestia,
Ha ha ha, and other flat and unamused forms of laughter.
Yes, that means I received your copy of Courtship for Dummies. Do I need to remind you that I'm not a virgin? Surely you remember who I gave my virginity to. I don't need dating advice, and talking to Fluttershy is nowhere near as intimidating as approaching a pony more like, for example, you. Things are just really complicated right now.
Writing this out, though, I guess I understand the point. She loves me. I knew she loved me as a friend, and I believe her when she says it's more than that, though I don't know what sh. Do I love her? Am I willing to give her a chance, once I get out of this dismal place? I guess those are the important questions.
You're as bad as Discord sometim Thank you for helping me understand that, in your own special way. I'm just not ready to deal with this right now. I'm not sure I ever will be; I don't deserve. How does a mur pony like me ever know she won't hurt someone she cares about again?
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle