Hoofed by Your Own Petard

by Tortfeasor

Small Cheer and Great Welcome

Disclaimer: I made you a disclaimer but I ated it.

Twilight Sparkle wanted to protest Rainbow Dash’s mad plan more, but before she could voice any more protests the rainbow maned pegasus had burst from their stand of trees. Before Twilight begin to call to Rainbow Dash to stop, the ponies who had been standing there had disappeared in pursuit of her friend and the forest was again quiet.

Waiting several seconds just to make sure she propped herself up on a tree with her front hooves to get a better view. Off in the distance she could see several ponies running towards Rainbow Dash, but the coast near them was clear.

“Let’s go,” she turned to her friends.

She and Rarity pried open the stand of trees with their magic and they started towards Ponyville again. From the start they moved slower than Twilight had hoped, but without risking further injury to Applejack there wasn’t much they could do. They tried to move as quietly as possible, and every time they heard something approaching she or Rarity would use her quiet spell to give them cover. Several times they still had to duck into bushes or shadows and hope that guards or Nightmare Children making their way towards Rainbow Dash didn’t spot them and start a second pursuit in the forest.

“Let’s stop here,” Fluttershy said after about an hour and a half, “it’s not good that we’re moving Applejack around so much after an injury. I know you don’t like stopping unless we have to but if we have to move her it’s much better to stop every once in awhile and let her rest.”

“I don’t want to hurt Applejack more than I don’t want to stop,” Twilight sighed as she stepped into some shadows. “We haven’t seen anypony in awhile, and it will give Rainbow Dash a chance to catch up to us if she’s managed to give all those ponies the slip.”

The others all seemed to share her desire to get to Ponyville as fast as possible. But they also recognized that between letting Applejack rest and letting Rainbow Dash catch up they needed to stop at some point.

“You know what girls?” Pinkie Pie said as she gently laid Applejack down. “When we get to Ponyville and Applejack gets better we need to have a ‘we’re really close to beating Nightmare Moon and Applejack is all better’ party! I mean we barely celebrated after we beat that mean nasty Arabus in Coltcinnati, and we were only in Manehatten long enough to get those books. We’ve done good girls and we should celebrate!”

“I heartily agree dear,” Rarity was unsurprisingly the pony to bring Pinkie Pie back down to Equestria, “but we are in a bit of a hurry. If we don’t get the elements and beat Nightmare Moon soon ponies are going to start starving to death.”

“I know, but we’ve been working so hard to bring back the sun and we haven’t had a single break. I’m just worried that we’re going to get all tired and sad and then we won’t be able to save anypony.”

Twilight smiled, Pinkie Pie really did just want them to be happy. “I promise Pinkie Pie, once we get the Elements of Harmony and beat Nightmare Moon we’ll have a party ponies will be talking about for a thousand years.”

“Thanks Twilight!”

Suddenly there was a rustling from the trees and silence descended on the group. They all ducked back into the trees and prepared to fight whatever came out of the trees at them. Their biggest fear was the guards or Nightmare Children, but between hydras, manticores, cockatrices, or even an Ursa there were plenty of things to worry about in this forest.

Twigs started to snap and Twilight lit a small flame above her horn while Rarity lifted a chunk of earth, Pinkie Pie edged closer to Applejack and Fluttershy made ready to bolt for other cover. The noise came closer and closer and they all nervously waited to see what they would have to face next.

They were not expecting Rainbow Dash.

“Wait,” Twilight whispered, “we don’t know if anypony is following her.”

Rainbow Dash looked around, probably for signs they had been there, but they’d been careful to cover their tracks. It was only when the rainbow maned pegasus was about to head on to look for them somewhere else that Twilight finally stepped out of her cover and caught her friend’s attention.

“What were you waiting for?” Rainbow Dash griped. “I was just about to take off somewhere else and leave you behind.”
“Sorry,” Twilight said, “but we weren’t sure if you were being followed or not. I’m guessing you managed to lose them?”

“Duh,” Rainbow Dash smiled as the rest of the group emerged from hiding, “they all came running and flying after me, and they never had a chance.”

“Wonderful darling,” Rarity floated Rainbow Dash’s saddlebags over to her. “Now let’s take advantage of not having an army nipping at our tails for a change and get as far towards Ponyville as we can.”

That was an idea everypony could get behind. Rainbow Dash buckled her saddlebags while Pinkie Pie lifted the unconscious Applejack. Still casting about with all their senses for signs of pursuit they set off towards Ponyville as quickly as they dared.

They continued on for several more hours pausing only when they had to let Applejack rest from being moved around. Finally they spotted a small hill near a pond that would do to catch a few hours of sleep before moving on again.

“This place is nice,” Twilight sighed with relief at being able to drop her saddlebags after a long day. “Fresh water, a good view, and the forest around here is quiet enough that we’ll hear anypony coming a long way away.”

“This whole part of the forest has been quite noise-free,” Rarity pointed out. “I wonder if all the ponies running around making noise has scared the wildlife off?”

“I don’t think so,” Fluttershy said from where she was looking over Applejack. “I noticed a lot of broken branches and crushed plants while we were walking. I think there’s a large creature in this part of the forest the other animals are scared of.”

“Fantastic,” Twilight rolled her eyes, “just what I needed to help me sleep. A large scary thing out there that might decide to come our way.”

“I’m sure we’ll be fine,” Fluttershy hurriedly said. “Very few animals eat ponies, and even those that do will only hunt ponies if they have no other choice.”

“Not helping Fluttershy,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Sorry,” Fluttershy whispered, “I’ll just keep quiet.”

“It’s fine,” Twilight tried to comfort her friend, “we’re just all on edge from being chased for so long. And the possibility of something else coming after us really isn’t doing any of us any good.”

“What we all need is some relaxation,” Rarity opened her saddlebags and pulled out a bowl normally used to hold food. “I for example am going to go get some water and use it to try and clean myself though I don’t harbor any delusions that it will be particularly effective or long lasting.”

Twilight stifled a laugh. Whatever the circumstances Rarity would gripe about dirt and try to keep herself pristine. But like all the others when the time came she would dive into whatever muck and grime was in their way if it meant coming closer to the Elements of Harmony. Not for the first time she felt unbelievably lucky to have made such good friends.

Taking Rarity’s advice she decided to pull out the books they’d stolen in Manehatten and read them once again. In particular she wanted to search for any clues about the elusive sixth element of harmony. Both books said it was a complete mystery, but if she could gain so much as a clue to what the sixth element was or even wasn’t then she would feel like her research had succeeded.

Pinkie Pie was the first one to notice trouble. She perked her head up and looked about trying to find the source of the bad feeling. “Do you girls feel that?”

“Feel what?” Rarity said from where she was toweling her face.

Twilight heard a dull thud and saw the water in Rarity’s bowl ripple ominously. “Girls, I think we should get ready to run in a hurry.”

They began to frantically pack but it was becoming clear that whatever was coming their way would be on them very soon. Already Twilight could see trees bending and swaying with its passage. Whatever it was it was huge. She wasted a few precious seconds of packing to look over at Rarity’s bowl of water just in time to see a terrifying ripple again. What in Equestria was so big it could do that just walking?

Then it roared.

The air around them seemed to vibrate, and Twilight was sure she wasn’t the only one who felt that roar in her bones. At last Twilight got her first look at what was coming their way. Of all the things she feared they’d run into on their way to Ponyville an Ursa Minor ranked behind probably only Nightmare Moon herself.

“Um, what now?” Rainbow Dash asked the question they were all thinking.

Twilight swallowed hard, she was the best read about creatures like this, so if anypony knew how to get them out of this alive it would be her.

“Fluttershy, get Applejack somewhere safe then come back here.” The yellow pegasus nodded before grabbing the unconscious earth pony and flying off. “Rainbow Dash, when it gets closer I want you to start flying around it. Annoy it so it concentrates on you but don’t get yourself hurt. When Fluttershy gets back she’ll give it something else to be mad at.” Rainbow Dash performed a rather flamboyant salute before taking to the sky. “Pinkie Pie, I need you to uproot a tree. It has to be big enough and tough enough that the Ursa can hold on to it for awhile.” Pinkie Pie smiled wide and bright before running off to find a tree to bring down. “Rarity, once the others have the Ursa distracted we’ll need to find a way to put it to sleep. It’s just a baby Ursa so I’m hoping the tree Pinkie Pie brings back will be like a stuffed toy to a filly or colt. Once it’s asleep we’ll need to find a way to move the Ursa away from here. Otherwise when it wakes up it could still have our scent and if it decides to follow us it wouldn’t hesitate to follow us into Ponyville or Canterlot itself.”

“You certainly don’t think small, do you?” Rarity laughed nervously.

“The only thing minor about an Ursa Minor is its name. I don’t think there’s an easy way to deal with something like this.”
Rarity sighed. “Well I suppose anything going easy for us was too much to hope for. Any ideas how to put something the size of a city block to sleep?”

“Maybe,” Twilight watched the moving forest with apprehension, “how good are you at making wind?”

“Hardly an expert, but it’s useful to clean off just unearthed gems so I can manage a little bit.”

“Okay,” Twilight paced back and forth, “those reeds down by that pond where you went to grab some water should make some sort of note when you send wind through them. I’m not looking for a masterpiece. All we need is something to put the Ursa to sleep. I’ll start lifting it and when it’s asleep you can join in and we’ll send it somewhere that’s not here.”

Another roar of anger sounded and the movement in the trees started jerking back and forth as it made its way towards the two unicorns. Rainbow Dash had apparently started annoying the Ursa Minor.

“I’ve got Applejack behind some rocks,” Fluttershy came flying back.

“Good,” Twilight said, “now go help Rainbow Dash keep the Ursa distracted. You don’t need to hurt it, just keep it from paying attention to what Rarity and I are doing.”

“R…Right.” Fluttershy didn’t sound particularly enthusiastic but flew off nonetheless.

The thrashing of the trees increased as the Ursa gained yet another target for its ire. Twilight didn’t think that Fluttershy would approve of something as minor as making an animal angry, but they didn’t exactly have a choice if they wanted to stay alive.

Another sound of branches breaking started coming from behind and Twilight her adrenaline start to pump before turning and realizing it was just Pinkie Pie dragging a tree towards them. She had to briefly pause to think how much her life had changed to think of a pony dragging a tree as nothing out of the ordinary.

“Is this good?” Pinkie Pie eagerly asked as she deposited the tree at Twilight’s hoofs.

“Perfect,” Twilight smiled. ”Rainbow Dash! Fluttershy! You can bring the Ursa over here now!”

Twilight’s horn started to glow and the tree slowly lifted. Before she’d started learning magic from Rarity she wouldn’t have dreamed of something like holding a tree, but if her crazy plan was going to work a tree would be just the beginning of what she was going to demand from her magic. She watched her friends out of a corner of her eyes and saw Rainbow Dash dodge a swipe of a paw so narrowly that rainbow colored tail hairs went flying. Every instinct in Twilight cried for her to run or help her friends right now, but she forced them down and concentrated on her magic.

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy began leading the Ursa towards Rarity’s waiting spell. As the last few trees between the Ursa Minor and the ponies on the hill crashed down a note began to sound through the air. Twilight would never have called Rarity’s musical effort anything but amateurish, but it was a steady note, and if Twilight remembered correctly that was all a pony needed to lull an Ursa Minor to sleep. At least that was the plan. Rarity’s talent wasn’t making wind and she seemed tapped out working so far from what she was used to. And while the Ursa was definitely drowsy but it was still swatting and snapping at Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, and worse it was still coming towards the hill.

The whistling note grew louder as Twilight added more magic to the wind going through the reeds. That had the desired effect as the Ursa began to totter on the verge of sleep. At that moment she floated the tree Pinkie Pie had uprooted, leafy branches first, towards the Ursa. Just as she’d hoped the creature sleepily grabbed the poor tree and cuddled it just like she’d done with her Smarty Pants doll so many years ago.

Even asleep the Ursa’s breathing was a deep rumble that Twilight felt as much as heard. Letting Rarity once again take sole control of the wind Twilight started to lift the Ursa and the tree. She’d hoped to have help with this but she’d have to find it in herself to do it on her own.

Twilight had done more with magic since the sun disappeared than she ever thought she would. All of that was peanuts compared to levitating and moving an Ursa Minor and a sizeable tree. She poured magic into her horn until it seemed her whole world was a relentless tide of power, and still it seemed she was barely holding on to the spell. Slowly, almost imperceptibly at first, Twilight Sparkle began to move a creature that would consider a pony’s house a light lunch.

Gradually the Ursa Minor began to float back the way it had come. It would never win any races at the speed it was going, but then it was taking everything Twilight had just to keep it afloat. Her friends were completely silent with awe at the feat being performed in front of them. They had always believed that when confronted with such a creature a pony had two options, run or die.

As the Ursa Minor disappeared from view Twilight reached her limit. With a groan she let the creature down and collapsed to the ground. She didn’t think she’d ever been so tired in her life. It felt like she’d run back and forth between Canterlot and Manehatten about three or four times without stopping to rest. After what she’d been through her friends wouldn’t mind if she lay down and got… a little… sleep…

“Oh come on!” Rainbow Dash’s shout brought Twilight awake with a jerk.

“Wha?” She groped about for words with a brain that had three hoofs in dreamland and the last hoof waiting to let go.

“We just beat the biggest, meanest, and angriest thing in all Equestria, and neither of us got our cutie marks!”

Twilight laughed drowsily. “Is that all? I’ll care when I wake up.”

Twilight Sparkle’s first impression of Ponyville was… rustic. On a clear day the town was visible on the horizon from the surface of Canterlot, and it was popular among tourists who wanted to venture to the edges of the Everfree Forest without being in too much danger. It was also, if she remembered correctly, where this whole mess had begun.

“Home sweet home, I guess.” Rarity looked about the near empty streets of the town. Everywhere they went it seemed like fear of Nightmare Moon kept ponies indoors. Except, of course, the guards she was controlling and the Nightmare Children who served her.

“This place looks so sad,” Pinkie Pie frowned.

“I know it’s hard,” Twilight put a hoof on Pinkie Pie’s shoulder, “but we have to keep quiet and keep moving. Nightmare Moon can see this place from the royal castle in Canterlot, and we know that both Gilda and Trixie are around here. If they find out where we are we’re finished. We’re so close to the elements now. We’ll go to Sweet Apple Acres and once Applejack is safe we can go into the Everfree Forest and get the elements.”

“Not without me you aren’t. I missed too much while I was out and I’m not missing anything more.” Applejack had regained consciousness the morning after their fight with the Ursa Minor. Between her broken leg and the deep cuts courtesy of Gilda she was moving slowly and only by leaning on one of the others. Twilight was still amazed at how fast Applejack was healing. It might not have been as flashy as unicorn magic or pegasus flight, but earth ponies had plenty of gifts of their own.

“Okay,” Twilight smiled, “not without you.” Twilight’s first instinct told her to get to the elements as fast as possible, but there was a persistent voice at the back of her head that said she’d need Applejack both to get the elements and then to use them.

“What are we doing to do if we run into somepony who recognizes us?” Rainbow Dash looked around as though she suspected somepony to come shouting their names at any second. “I mean even if Applejack lived there Manehatten was a really big city. But Ponyville isn’t exactly packed to bursting with ponies. Rarity and Pinkie Pie are celebrities here, Applejack was born here and visits all the time, and Fluttershy and I live just outside of town and came into Ponyville all the time. If there’s just one pony here who likes Nightmare Moon, or wants to get that huge bounty on our heads, or even a pony who’s just scared that if we get through Nightmare Moon might take it out on the town we’re in trouble.”

“I’m sure nopony here would do that,” Fluttershy muttered. “Ponyville is full of good ponies, ponies who are our friends, and they wouldn’t…”

“Stop right there!” It wasn’t a native of Ponyville who had stopped them but a group of ponies in black robes.
“So much for sneaking,” Rainbow Dash whispered.

“Wait!” Rarity whispered back. “Didn’t you hear Twilight? If we start fighting our way through Ponyville we’re finished. Let’s try to talk our way out of this until we have no other choice.”

“I don’t recognize you,” the lead Nightmare Child arrogantly stepped up to them, “state your names and your business in Ponyville.”

Twilight didn’t want to do it. She’d sworn that part of her life was behind her. She wasn’t going to do it, she wasn’t, she wasn’t, she wasn’t, she wasn’t! She was.

She lowered her eyelids just a fraction, placed a soft yet promising her face, and shook her mane just so. Making eye contact with the Nightmare Children she slowly walked towards them with a step that barely but noticeably swayed her hips from side to side as she walked, and lastly she curved her tail just enough to be visible to the Nightmare Children without revealing anything.

The trick to getting large tips at Touchy Hooves had been to look attracted and attractive to a customer, but in the end to simply string them along for as much as they would give. The stakes here were a little higher than a few bits but the game, the rules, and the way she’d win were all the same.

“I’m sorry.” It would have been a mistake to call Twilight’s voice sultry. It hinted at sultry but promised nothing. She slowly walked up to the Nightmare Children, by some miracle all males, and made sure they got a good long look at her. Their ears perked up at her voice and as she brushed one of the Nightmare Children with her tail she knew she had them wrapped around her hoof.

“We weren’t planning on stopping in Ponyville, but my friend hurt her leg and she needs to rest.” Twilight Sparkle’s co-workers at Touchy Hooves had always said her best feature was her rear. She made sure all eyes were watching that rear as she walked back to point at Applejack’s splinted leg. A quick look back disguised as a sultry look told her she had their undivided attention. When she looked back away from the Nightmare Children she sent a pleading look at the others to do something with the distraction she was creating.

“It’s not a problem, is it?” Twilight set a pout on her face that made her look weak and helpless. Just the sort of mare who needed help and was willing to be generous in her ‘rewards.’ “I know we’re supposed to be careful going somewhere without getting royal approval, but we didn’t have a choice, and it would just be a few days until we’re on our way again.”

“Well,” the Nightmare Child in charge seemed quite flustered yet taken in by Twilight’s performance, “normally we do discourage unauthorized travel. But your friend is clearly injured and I think we could easily be… convinced… that you’re not a danger to Nightmare…”

He was rudely interrupted as empty flower pots came down on his head and those of all the other Nightmare Children who had stopped them. Immediately Rainbow Dash jumped forward in case any of the Nightmare Children hadn’t been completely knocked out.

“They’re out cold,” she said after a quick check.

“I think I need a shower after that,” Twilight shuddered, “I swore I’d never do anything like that again.”

“Don’t worry Twilight,” Pinkie Pie said, “we all know you used to be a stripper and we’re okay with it.”

“Thanks Pinkie” Twilight sighed, “I’m just afraid I’ll never live it down. We’ll save Equestria, I’ll die at the age of ninety five, and the first line on my obituary will still be an exotic dancer at a club in Canterlot.”

“That’s not true!” Pinkie Pie insisted. “Besides, you’re not the only pony here who’s done things she’s not proud of. Before we became rich and famous Rarity and I had to mine all our own gems, and once when we were mining we left a Diamond Dog to die.”

Twilight wasn’t sure whether she was more surprised by Pinkie Pie’s revelation, or that Pinkie Pie was acting rather serious for once.

“She’s right,” Rarity sighed, “Diamond Dogs are greedy, territorial brutes. We were lucky not to run into them while we were still fillies or we might not be here right now. Our luck ran out towards the end of high school, but by then we knew the dangers of mining so far from civilization and we were ready. Most of the Diamond Dogs ran away as soon as they realized we would put up a fight, but several were greedier and kept coming. Eventually they gave up and dragged most of their wounded away, but there was one Diamond Dog who was missing a leg and none of his friends was around to drag him away. If I’d been a bit older I probably would have put him out of his misery, but I was still young and the idea of directly taking a life was still something beyond me. Pinkie Pie was willing to do it but I talked her out of it and we went home. We stayed away from that particular gem field for some time, of course. But when we came back we stopped to take a look and sure enough there was a corpse right there. Not one of our prouder moments, but Twilight you have to realize that everypony has done things they aren’t proud of. Your lower moments at least turned out to be useful.”

“Thanks girls,” Twilight smiled, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Probably curl up in a ball and get nothing done.” Rainbow Dash smirked.

“You know Rainbow Dash,” Twilight deadpanned, “call me an egghead, but I don’t think you’re going to get a cutie mark as a psychologist.”

“I don’t want to interrupt,” Applejack said from where she was leaning on Fluttershy, “but somepony is going to miss this patrol sooner or later. We should get to the farm as soon as we can so nopony comes looking for us.”

Thoroughly chagrined, the others followed Applejack through Ponyville and out onto the road towards Sweet Apple Acres. Upon seeing the farm Twilight’s first thought was that it looked like a place that was normally much busier than what she was seeing. Under only moonlight she noted the trees seemed limp and unwilling to put forth more than a few unappetizing apples.

“Somepony should have spotted us by now,” Applejack looked like she really wanted to lie down.

“Applejack?” A yellow filly with a red mane and hair bow poked her head out the front door of the main house. “Applejack! Big Macintosh, Granny Smith, Applejack’s back!”

Several lights came on in the house and knowing that they were surrounded by friends Twilight Sparkle felt safe for the first time since the Summer Sun Celebration.