Shortly after Luna and Celestia left for an unexpected 'break', Luna re-entered the meeting room. She was alone, without Celestia, who was now in her bedroom, counting cakes and eating sheep.
Or was it the other way around? Meh.
As Luna made her way to the podium, she dared look around the room. What she saw was...certainly unexpected.
All of the villains that had come from across Equestria were peacefully (more or less) sitting next to a campfire. Well, it was more of a deskfire, really. Somepony should get Ember something that prevents her from lighting the room on fire when she sneezes...
Probably a good idea.
Intrigued by this most unusual sight, Luna took a left turn and walked up to the group of side characters villains. The first thing she realized was that they were roasting marshmellows. Where they had gotten them, she didn't know. She was both curious and afraid to find it out.
"Where did you get those?" She asked Discord who sat in front of her.
Discord's head made a 180 degree turn and faced Luna while his mouth was still filled with Marshmellows. "Megic." He gave out as he eat noisily.
Luna looked over to the others around the fire. She saw that they were all using rulers as sticks and had stuck a marshmellow on the end of it. Well, mostly only one marshmellow. We won't talk about Starlight. 'Equality' in a nutshell, I suppose.
Luna coughed awkwardly to gain everyone's attention, in which she succeeded, considering everyone in the room was now staring at her.
"As much as I enjoy seeing you all sit together peacefully like this..." She gulped, "I believe it is time for us to continue the meeting."
Oh dear, they did not like that. From one moment to the other, it seemed like the entire room was out to murder Luna from the looks of it.
Well, except for Discord. He really didn't care about some peasants below-average villains starting a mob.
"And why are we not allowed to be together? Huh?" Asked Starlight, threatening Luna as she pulled out the Staff of Sameness.
It took Luna a moment to realize what Starlight was doing. "Starlight..." She began, "...that's a stick."
Starlight was unmoved and now held the staff in an offensive position. "It is not a stick but the allmighty Staff of Sameness! Bow to me or you will face its power!"
If Luna wasn't such an overly serious pony she probably would have laughed right into her face at that point. "And that power is...?"
"Making people equal, obviously." Starlight stated confidently.
Luna lowered the staff with her right hoof, looking at Starlight with a questioning look. "So your goal is to touch people's butts and make them equal?"
"Of course!" Starlight exclaimed without thinking first. "Wait..." She added as her brain started realizing what she had just said.
Needless to say, Discord and Trixie were fairly amused and nicknames like "The butt-toucher" quickly came to be.
Say goodbye to your reputation amongst the world stage, Starlight.
You never really had one, anyway.
"Alright, alright. Settle down, everypony." Luna said as her audience began to increasingly mock Starlight. "Why don't we get back to our usual business and continue the meeting? I am sure we still have much to discuss."
Of course, Sombra immediately jumped at Luna. "You mean I will get my precious home back!?" He yelled in a begging motion, grabbing Luna by her collar.
Luna laughed at Sombra's euphemism. "Oh Sombra..." She chuckled, "Of course not."
Sombra's eyes teared up as he stared at Luna with big eyes, begging her to give in.
Fortunately, Luna had become immune to big, watering puppy eyes over the course of her life.
She had also become incredibly evil quite jealous occasionally, but we don't talk about that anymore because the equestrian history is for nerds.
I'm looking at you, Twilight.
"Quit it, Sombra." She told him as he eyed her with big eyes.
"B-but...Empire..." He begged once more.
Luna simply shook her head in denial as Sombra lowered his head and walked off, mumbling something to himself that rhymes with "Bill yourself."
"So. Are we good? Or any other immediate complaints against continuing our meeting?" Luna asked into the group. They looked at each other, yet noone appeared to raise their voice or hand. (Because we all know ponies have hands, don't we? HASBRO?)
"Very well then, let's get back to business then." Said Luna, turning back around and wanting to step up to the podium.
"Um...what does one do if their desk is...on fire?" Asked Ember, standing in front of the desk that was burning.
"You can share one with Trixie if you want." Offered Luna as she walked away from them towards the podium.
Trixie, who had already taken a seat at her desk, looked up from a paper on her desk in shock. "Wuuuaat!? You can't do that! You can't make me sit next to that dragon thingie! What if it breathes fire and roasts me alive?" Paniced Trixie as Ember stood next to her.
Ember sighed in annoyance as she had to share a desk with an immature, weak and, most of all, loud magician. She pulled over a chair and sat down at Trixie's desk, making Trixie nudge away from her a bit in fear.
"Looking at you, I don't think it's that hard to roast you at all, really." Said Ember as she smiled at Trixie sarcastically, who herself was busy shivering in fear and biting her lips in order not to scream. "Miss Wannabe Hoofdini." She added.
"Wannabe!?" Trixie yelled at her, now enraged rather than scared, "Why youuu-"
"Ahem" Interrupted Luna as Trixie and Ember were about to clash. "May I have you two settle down?" She asked politely.
"I don't know, this kid over here seems like it should be put into it's place." Replied Ember, staring at Trixie, as she did to her. Trixie only grumbled at her in return.
"Yes, well. Let me rephrase that. Settle down peacefully..." She paused, taking a breath, "Or a kick in the face and get a broken nose."
Taking in what, of all the characters in the room, Luna had just said...the two adversaries decided to settle down peacefully. Rather forced and with no other option, but still peacefully.
Luna, having arrived at the podium, cleared her throat before returning to the meeting at last.
"Alright then. So, is there anyone that wishes to adress an issue or topic of interest here?" Luna asked into the room.
"Except for Sombra." She added, seeing the dark ruler raising his hoof.
"I have a topic of interest." Said Starlight.
"You? What interesting things could you talk about?" Mocked Chrysalis who sat next to her, rolling her eyes.
Starlight leaned over to her in reply to the obvious insult. "Said the oversized cockroach." She countered, driving Chrysalis mad.
"At least not an idiotic little pony that touches other's butts to draw an equal sign on it!" She lashed out, in reference to the earlier joke.
"She's right!" Shouted Sombra across the room.
"Shut up, Sombra! Nopony likes you! Grab your stuff and go back to where you came from!" Starlight replied equally as loud.
"I would if I had my empire!" Sombra replied, making Luna hit her face on the podium. Hard. Perhaps now she knew how Celestia ended up in bed so quickly now.
"I wonder why you lost it!" Starlight said in a mocking voice.
"Not because of your stupid, silly communism, that's for sure."
"I am NOT a communist!" She pleaded.
The room seemed to think differently, including Luna.
"...Nah, you're pretty communist." Started Sombra.
"Yeah, communist." Agreed Chrysalis.
"Indeed." Discord gave out, busy playing with his pencil.
"I am not!" Starlight shouted.
"All who agree that Starlight is a communist dictator raise their hands, hooves or claws." Luna said in an annoyed tone, wanting to finally burry this subject.
Everyone's hands or claws rose up in aggrement all of the sudden. Well, apart from Starlight of course. fucking pleb.
"So that's that then. Anyone else with a..." She sighed in regret, "...proposal?" She closed her eyes for a moment, hoping not to hear what she was afraid of hearing.
"I do."
"Gods have mercy on me..." Luna moaned to herself in though before opening her eyes again. It was Chrysalis that had spoken up this time. Why? Well because we need her to talk more so we can get those sweet, juicy vie- This line has been removed by Hasbro, sorry 'bout that :/
"Yes...what is it?" Luna asked in exhaustion.
"Well, you see...my changelings and I have been starving for a long time and we require love to survive." Chrysalis explained.
"Soooo...?" Luna asked her.
"I think we should occupy Canterlot in order to ensure our survival." She stated with an innocent smile while folding her hooves on her table.
Luna hit her head on the podium as hard as she possibly could while yelling "Concussion! Concussion! Concussion!" The others could only watch as Luna's little 'experiment' didn't exactly accomplish what she had aimed for.
Unless she wanted to break the podium, of course. Because that's exactly what she had accomplished. Don't know if royal insurance covers that one, Moonbutt.
"Please, for the love of everything that is holy, tell me you are joking." Luna moaned in despair.
Chrysalis cocked her head slightly and simply replied with: "Why would I be joking?"
"...Are you alright?" She asked as Luna's right eye twitched, as did her head, in combination with a very "I will stab you in your rib cage"-like look.
Next time at who shot Harambe MLP: Diplomacy is dumb: Cadance meets Sunburst on the public restroom, Luna destroys the death star and the water cooler kills Sombra.
Probably.