Album 1: The Greatest Gala Ever
Chapter 10: The Gala Begins!
The night arrived rather suddenly, almost a mad blur, getting everything set for the BEST Grand Galloping Gala ever. The party wasn't even officially starting, but already guests were arriving. Hell, Celestia even convinced Blueblood to be the greeter, freeing her up to FINALLY have some fun on the craziest GGG Ever. And what better way to kick off a GGG with humans than with a human song, eh? I know Pinkie agreed!
As the last song died down, what should I see save none other than a certain pretty pink party pony bouncing along, being trailed by...A BUGBEAR!? With a cyborg arm!? Fucking hell, EVERYONE is more badass than me! Five bucks and a one night stand with Celestia says he's another human, like Me, Griffin, and that Aoi dude.
Pinkie hopped up to me and whispered in my ear. I've not grinned this much in a LONG while...oh, she's good.
"Yo! Griffin!" I shouted, pulling Pinkie in a close hug with one arm. "Me and Pinkie are gonna do something 'special'!" I almost busted out right there at the look of disgust on his face. Someone's got a dirty mind! And I thought I was the pervert around here. I held Pinkie close, and whispered a few words in her ears. Spike and Celestia inched closer, both curious at what we were about to do.
Sorry pervs, it's not gonna be kinky...unless you're into this.
When it's time to party we will party hard!
Pinkie and I ROCKED THE FUCK OUT with enough force to send the uber-badass Griffin flying backwards!
You,
We began singing, me and Pinkie in near-perfect tandem
You work all night (all night)
And when you work you don't feel all right
And when,
When things stop feeling all right (all right)
And everything is all right
Me, Pinkie, Celestia, the bugbear, and Spike all stomped forward, leaping up on top of five different tables, going from left to right: The Bugbear, Pinkie, Me, Spike, and Celestia
'Cos we will never listen to your rules (no)
We happily flip off the nobles to our left
We will never do as others do (no)
Flip 'em off to the right
Know what we want and we get it from you
Point forward with both hands
Do what we like and we like what we do
FUCK YEAH, DANCE TIME!
So let's get a party going (let's get a party going)
Now it's time to party and we'll party hard (party hard)
Let's get a party going (let's get a party going)
When it's time to party we will always party hard
Party hard (party hard, party hard, party hard party hard, party hard, party hard party hard, party hard, party hard...)
We began bouncing on the balls of our feet [or tips of our hooves, for Celestia and Pinkie] while holding our left hands up and in front of us, and our right hands down behind us, forming the classic 'Rock On' hand sign, AKA 'The Horns', bouncing along the tables, stomping food and drink out of the way, often into the faces of nobles that are finally, FINALLY starting to loosen the fuck up. Bouncing down alternating between a pelvic thrust and headbanging, we're pretty much sending an already fractured GGG up into a mad uproar.
All right
You,
You fight that fight
And when you're fightin' you feel all right
But when,
When things stop feeling all right (all right)
And everything is all right
'Cos we will never listen to your rules (no)
We will never do as others do (no)
Know what we want and we get it from you
We do what we like and we like what we do
So let's get a party going (let's get a party going)
Now it's time to party and we'll party hard (party hard)
Let's get a party going (let's get a party going)
When it's time to party we will always party hard
Party hard (party hard, party hard, party hard party hard, party hard, party hard party hard, party hard, party hard party hard, party hard, party hard...)
The mad party continued in full mayhem until the song ended. I WAS going to end it by diving into a cake...but that got jacked up when Fleur, Lyra, and The-Changeling-Possibly-Known-as-BonBon (I still think she could be a changeling, so sue me) all plowed into me, stopping from splattering it over the duo.
As the crowd clapped for our little song, I looked at Griffin and nodded towards a quieter corner of the festivities. I smiled calmly as he follows along.
"Um, did you know Pinkie Pie can read minds on occasion?" I whispered into his ear, playing in JUST the level of smug certainty to make him think.
"Well, anything is possible with Pinkie, so I believe it. It would explain a lot but what does that have to do with...... No. Nononononono. She didn't. PLEASE TELL ME SHE DIDN'T!" He's begging, HAH! From unstoppable badass to begging a bug. I wanted a smug grin, but now I don't have to fake it. This is just TOO rich! I shook my head to calm down and sighed. I probably would be feeling pretty dumb now too. I certainly wouldn’t want Pinkie to tell anyone what she’d seen in MY thoughts.
"She only told me of some things that pertained to me.... You know, I'm not NEARLY as depraved as you seem to believe. If I was doing something sexual, I'd say it." Nice facepalm, dude.
"Great, just freaking perfect. Not even my thoughts are safe anymore. You know what? I give up. I can't win with you people. I think I'll just fly around and kill time before the concert." Ah geez, now i’ve gone and frustrated him. I followed along for a bit. I still wanted to talk to him.
"Sorry. Look, I’m just saying you shouldn’t go getting so judgemental. We just met and already you assume the worst. I mean, that’s not exactly the nicest thing in the world to do, even if you ARE a pirate.”
"S..s...spider." Wat.
"What was that? Gotta speak up." Please tell me he didn't say-
"Spider." OH YOU SUNUVA-! ...I looked past him to see what he saw, and right there was a HUGE AS FUCK Huntsman Spider dangling from a thread barely an inch from his face!
"OH SHIT! SPIDER!" For well over an hour after that one moment, the night was a blur. My mind locked back in on itself after, FINALLY, the adrenaline subsides, and I found myself in a slow dance with Celestia, the two of us cuddling nice and close. I was able to make vague recollections of Griffin chasing Luna, the spider becoming a molten puddle of plastic, that bugbear dude, 'Celt' I believe his name was, singing The Safety Dance, and a royal fuckton of other strange stuff. The Gala had barely begun and already ponies and humans are pairing up. Celt's dancing with Pinkie Pie, Aoi with Rainbow Dash, me and Celestia, Griffin and Gilda. The night was going beautifully....
"Best Dance Ever." The Princess and I said, blushing at the odd timing. I, ever the cheeky bastard, gave her a peck on the cheek. To which she responded in kind. We spotted the other humans and their 'dates' heading outside, with Griffin buying, literally, ALL of Applejack's stock! Over 3K in gold Bits! I moved to join, but was stopped by Chrysalis. She gave me that look. You know that look. The look your mom gives when you're about to fuck up horribly.
"Well, milady." I sighed, "Seems this is where we part ways."
"So it seems, my little Knightmare." She frowned, but nodded gracefully, "Come join us when she's done with you."
"I shall, milady. Be well and Blessed Be." I sighed, watching her trot off to join my fellow humans, then turned around to face Chrysalis. "Okay, what, pray-tell, is so important?"
She raised her brow and smirked, "You have empathy sickness." She stated, as if it's a matter of fact. I've read enough fanfiction to guess what 'Empathy Sickness' is.
"Where I come from that's called 'Having a conscience'."
"For us changelings, it's practically begging to get killed." She frowned, "Do you even know what you can eat?"
"Aside from love? I'm gonna experiment and see what's good and what's not." I turned around and walked away.
"Don't bother. Ninety-nine percent of food ponies can eat, would most likely kill you." OK, THAT stopped me.
"You-you gotta be shittin' me!" My jaw DROPPED straight to the floor, cracking one of the tiles. "I...I expected not being able to have bacon...but no APPLES!?"
"Not bananas, nor oranges, nor berries. Our bodies simply aren't BUILT for solid foods. Anything more resilient than yogurt wouldn't be digested at all, anything too sweet and you'll puke it back up. And don't bother with alcohol, anything stronger than what little bit got spiked into the punch would kill you. Even that would leave you drunk out of your mind." I dropped my ass to the floor, listening to Chrysalis explain, in excruciating detail, exactly what I can eat, how much, and what would happen with a majority of the foods available on the buffet and AJ's stand, most of which were unpleasant, and a few, such as with the hard apple cider, were downright fatal.
Eventually, she was done lecturing me, and I went to join our little troupe of insanity.
"....I can't eat anything..."
"Why?" asked Celt, "birdbrain bought it all, so it's free!"
"No, I mean I LITERALLY can't eat anything." I sighed. "Chrysalis says my body can't handle apples, I'd puke them up. And the cider would kill me."
"Damn, Knight! You can't even eat real food. That's too good. Finally gets to Equestria, and can't eat Sweet Apple Acres food. Sucks to be you!" I officially HATE Griffin the Griffin right now!
"YOU'RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE, GRIFFIN THE GRIFFIN! A COMPLETE AND UTTER ASSHOLE!" I roared, literally shaking the stained glass well over a hundred feet away. Full on Royal Canterlot Voice right there. I! AM! PISSED!
"Woah, sweetie!" Celestia admonished, her words slightly slurred, "Tone down the Canterlocks, okay?" ...did she just say 'Canterlocks'...?
I slowly turn my head and meet Celestia's derped gaze. After a growling sigh, I nodded. "As you wish, your majesty." I gave her a peck on the cheek, eliciting a giggle from the officially drunk-off-her-ass Princess before standing up and heading back inside, dragging my feet slightly. I heard her trotting after me, but make no response.
"How much HAVE to had to drink?" I asked, finally growing curious.
"Lord Fester and I have shared three cases of The Royal Pink." She counted using her pinions, "About eighteen bottles a piece." Great....that's the drink Pinkie made 'especially for the Princess'.
"Wait..'Lord Fester'?" Oh FUCK! Now I wanna find my guitar and play the Addams Family theme song.... That may lift my spirits. Where'd I put that thing, anyway? Wandering inside, I heard something about putting the drunk people in a ward. Turning back, I saw griffin and the other humans leading or being led towards a hallway. Celestia was with them too. Well, she probably DOES need her sleep. Phooey.
A loud crash interrupted me from my thoughts. Turning towards the source, I could see Chrysalis and Luna glaring at each other near the bar, a broken stein in between. What in the blazes is going on here?
“Just because we get have made a pact does mean I trust you yet Queen!” Did Luna maybe also have a little to drink? Her speech was a little slurred.
“Fine by me, Moony!” Chrysalis was obviously displeased about something. I wonder what.
“WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!” Time to step in.
“Ladies, let’s keep it down why don’t we? We can always go dance, right? Doesn’t that sound like a great time?” ….Smooth.
Luna didn’t seem to think so. “Hush! You are her brood! She is likely controlling you!” Definitely had something to drink. Not as much as Celestia though.
“As if I would control the likes of him! We’re simply all connected through a network!” ‘Likes of me?’
“I bet you are simply angry at the fact that he bested you in combat after our little battleship brawl!”
“How dare you! That was a fluke!” Oh, this is not going to end well...
“Ladies...?” They continued glaring, stepping closer to each other. Oh dear.
“No, that’s it isn’t it? You feel weak that one of your lowest subordinates got the best of you! He’s not even supposed to be able to fight!”
“Hey! I’m getting better...”
“Arrrgh, first battleship and now this. YOU’RE GOING DOWN!”
And Chrysalis launched herself at Luna, removing the already small distance between them in the blink of an eye. Luna may have been slightly drunk but she still had some wit about her and dodged the charge, spinning on her hooves. In her state, however, her sway knocked her into the bar. Chrysalis spun as well, standing on her hind hooves and jumping to deliver an aerial roundhouse kick. Luna had no time to react as the kick impacted her side, flipping her up and over the bar into some bottles.
Luna stood and with a single flap was airborne; Chrysalis followed behind shortly. They began trading blows with their front hooves.
Jab
Jab
Cross
Hook
Uppercut
Jab
Jab
Hook
Uppercut
Cross
JabHookCrossJabUppercutPalmHit
JABHITCROSSSPINFLIPHOOKUPPERCUTJABCROSSHOOK
It was like in those Dragonball Z fights where you can’t see their fists. AND I COULDN’T SEE THEIR HOOVES. It was ridiculous! How had I fought Chrysalis before? I should have been dead in seconds! The speed at which their hooves were moving was amazing!
Luna was slowly losing ground though, as their aerial battle carried them all around the room and back to the bar, where Luna got slammed on the heavy wood. The patrons of the Gala had been watching and were gasping and ‘ooo’-ing and ‘Ahh’-ing.
An audible crack and the bar was split in half. Both Luna and Chrysalis stood up and bounced back to opposite positions again, Luna a bit shakily, even more so now that she was hurt AND inebriated. She spat and steadied herself.
In a blink, Chrysalis sent 10 magic blasts her way and followed with a shielded charge. Luna sent a few of her own magic blasts and erected a wall beneath Chrysalis - who used it to flip twice and slam down on Luna HARD, shoulder first throwing dust everywhere. A groan came from the cloud as I thought I saw Luna stand and lean against the bar.
“Hah! I win!” Chrysalis was obviously very satisfied.
“Ugh...Fine, whatever. We’re still tied. I’ve had a little too much anyway.”
The cloud of smoke cleared and Luna, though she looked relatively unharmed, flew back to her perch in the balcony. Chrysalis followed her with a smug look on her face.
“....I just realized Chrysalis went easy on me....”
Damn, was that awesome! What was I doing? Hmmm...OH! Right! Guitar! Where is that thing?