I knocked on the door to the crystal castle. It was still very cold outside. It had started snowing last night just as I had arrived home, and the soft flakes of ice still fell, slowly drifting to the ground and sparkling in the sun. I watched on fall directly onto my nose. The door opened then, and I looked up to see Spike.
“Hey, Fluttershy.” He moved to the side so I could walk in, closing the door behind me. “Twilight is upstairs with Starlight.”
I hesitated. Starlight was probably still sick, and Twilight was trying to help her get better. I glanced up the stairs and then to the front door. “Oh, well, if she’s busy, I can come back later.” Still, I didn’t move from my spot.
Spike shook his head, already walking away. “Nah, it’s fine. She’s mostly better now, I think. Unless you want to join me in making ruby muffins?” He looked back, but I shook my head.
The crystal castle was always difficult to navigate. Twilight and Spike never seemed to have a problem finding their way around, but being in the palace in Canterlot probably helped hone their skills. Finding Starlight’s room took nearly five minutes, but the sound of giggles led the way. The door was half-open. Their conversation flowed out into the hallway.
“Yes, yes, laugh all you want Twilight Sparkle.” Starlight’s voice was raspy, but she sounded full of cheer. Or as full of cheer as Starlight could ever sound. “Perhaps a crush on Sunburst is funny now, but we’ll see what happens when you get a crush.”
There was a pause and then another giggle. “You know I already have a special somepony. No crushes here.”
More giggles escaped the room, more words flowed out, but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think. My heart had lodged itself in my stomach and my eyes were burning. Of course Twilight already had a special somepony. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself. I couldn’t turn back now. Spike would tell Twilight I had stopped by, and she would be confused as to why she hadn’t seen me. As much as I wanted to take flight, I had to stay.
It wasn’t the worse news. I took a shaky step forward, toward the door. After all, Twilight deserved to be happy, and if she had found someone to be happy with, I would be happy for her. My hoof was less shaky on the second step. Besides, I could buy ice cream on my way home. I made it the rest of the way to the door and walked in. “Hello, girls,” I said, looking between them.
Twilight’s face lit up. Her smile widened, her eyes sparkled, her entire posture shifted slightly towards me. All signs I used to believe meant she liked me. I pulled my eyes away from Twilight and looked at Starlight. The mare had definitely been under the weather. Her nose was still red, her hair was everywhere, and the wave she gave was slow. “Hey, Fluttershy. I didn’t realize you were coming by.”
“Oh yes,” I said. “I heard you were sick yesterday, and I wanted to see if you felt better.” I walked over and sat on the floor, opposite of Twilight. Now that I had pulled my eyes from her, I found I couldn’t get them to go back. Instead, I took in the room. A small bookshelf lined the far wall. A rug was in the larger area of the room, along with a couple cushions. One of Trixie’s posters hung on the wall. I brought my eyes back to Starlight. “Spike said you were feeling a little better.”
“I am,” she nodded. “Twilight was just keeping me company. I hate being stuck in bed all day.”
My eyes fell on Twilight again, and I swiftly looked away. Silence was where I felt at home, but this silence was not good. I wasn’t looking at them, but I could tell they were staring at me. Probably wishing I would go and stop making things awkward. I swallowed, resisting the urge to shake my head at myself. Of course I would come and ruin everything. They had been so happy before I showed up. I should just go.
A hoof touched my shoulder, and I jumped. I looked up, directly into the eyes of Twilight. Her eyebrows were pushed together in concern. “Fluttershy, are you okay?” Her voice laced with worry. I moved away from her hoof before nodding. She stared at me for what felt like an hour. “Are you sure?” she finally asked. “You know you can talk to me.”
I wanted to laugh out loud. Actually, no I didn’t. I just wanted to leave. “I know. I will if I need to, I promise.” I gave her a small smile, no teeth, and stood. “I just wanted to make sure Starlight was better. I really should be going now. I have to find a treat for Angel Bunny.”
“Oh,” she said. I glanced at Starlight, who was silently watching us, her eyes flicking back and forth. Twilight moved forward, coming closer to me. “You can come back later, if you’d like. We could all read stories, or listen to the radio.” Twilight’s wings were clutched tightly to her side and she was biting her lip.
“Not today. I’ll see you later, okay?” I walked around Twilight and toward the door. I stopped just before the threshold and looked back. Twilight was sitting on the floor, watching me leave. Both she and Starlight had the same shocked expression on their faces, thought Twilight’s splayed ears showed her confusion as well. “Thanks for the offer. Maybe another day.”
I walked the quiet path to my cottage alone. All the times I had thought Twilight liked me, she was most likely being a good friend. Of course she was. Look at her, today, by Starlight’s side while the mare recovered from an illness. Look at anything she had done for any of the girls. Had I really thought myself special?
With a defeated sigh, I trudged my way home.