Hoofed by Your Own Petard

by Tortfeasor

Come All Sad, and Solemn Shows

Disclaimer: I used to own My Little Pony back in 1840. But I lost it in a bet with Abraham Lincoln.

“How did I meet Gilda?” They’d been slowly walking for little more than an hour after the attack when Twilight had asked the question out of the blue. They’d all in that time offered to carry Applejack, even Fluttershy, but Pinkie Pie kept insisting she was fine and she was keeping up with the group.

“I don’t want to pry,” Twilight waved her hoofs in protest. “It’s just it sounded like you knew her pretty well. So I was wondering how she wound up working for Nightmare Moon and you’re here with us. It sounds a little bit like what happened between Shady and I, but I get the sense that you two knew each other a lot better than we did.”

“Oh, that makes sense. Well it all started at the end of flight camp. The ponies running it decided to have some sort of ‘cultural exchange’ for the last week, and Fluttershy and I drew the short straws to show our visitor around.”

“This is a total bummer!” Rainbow Dash kicked the clouds beneath her hoof. “There’s only a week of flight camp left and I still don’t have my cutie mark. And now I have to show this griffon around all week. Do you know how many pegasi still don’t have their cutie marks after flight camp? Me! That’s who. I’m going to be a laughing stock at school.”

“I’m sure it won’t be that bad,” Fluttershy meekly said. “I mean for all you know your special talent could be working with griffons. And even if it isn’t you’re still a great pony. Cutie mark or not you came after me when I fell of that cloud. That has to count for something.”

“Thanks for trying Fluttershy,” Rainbow Dash sighed, “but let’s just go get this over with.”

Griffons were one of the few species besides pegasi capable of naturally standing on clouds. They opened the door to the small cloud shack and got their first look at a griffon. She stood on four limbs like a pony and had wings like a pegasus, but the resemblance ended there. All four of her limbs ended in wicked looking claws and the sharp curve of her beak left no doubt what she ate. Griffons didn’t, normally, eat ponies and she wouldn’t eat any meat in front of them at all, but Rainbow Dash still had to stomp down a fair bit of nervousness.

“You’re the best they had at flight camp?” The griffon’s curious look carried not a little malice. “I knew Equestria was lame-o loser ville, but a blank flank and what are those, butterflies? I just knew I’d be saddled with a pair of dweebs while I was here.”

“Rainbow Dash isn’t a dweeb.” Fluttershy’s meek exterior dropped away. “When I fell off that cloud a few weeks ago she almost did a sonic rainboom to rescue me.”

“Come on,” Rainbow Dash patted at Fluttershy with a hoof, “a sonic rainboom is just an old mare’s tale. It was a nice bit of flying but I wasn’t even close to a sonic rainboom.”

“Sonic rainboom?” The feathers over one of the griffon’s eyes rose. “That’s actually pretty awesome. I’m Gilda. Stick with me after we get out of this lame place and we’ll spice boring town right up.”

Graduating high school as a blank flank. Was there anything in the entire world that could possibly be worse? Well, okay, maybe there was one thing that could be worse. Rainbow Dash looked into the audience and saw most of her friends throughout high school watching the ceremony, and not just because they weren’t allowed to walk. They’d all be coming back to school in the fall as students. She’d probably be with them if Fluttershy hadn’t browbeat her into really studying for her finals and limping through several classes with gentlecolt’s C’s.

“You see Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy whispered to her. “I told you that you could do it.”

“Thanks,” Rainbow Dash smiled back. “But I still have no clue what I’m going to do now that I’m out. Without a cutie mark I don’t know what to do with my life and nopony is going to hire a blank flank for long.”

After getting their diplomas all the newly graduated ponies were milling about with one another.

“We did it Rainbow Dash, woo hoo!” Fluttershy’s shout of excitement left a fair bit to be desired.

“And now to get out of here!” Rainbow Dash threw her robe into a growing pile and stretched her wings. “You might be hitting the books to go to med school, but me and Gilda are going to go enjoy the world before we have to slave and toil in a dead end job.”

Fluttershy’s smile disappeared like it had never been there. “I’ve said it before Rainbow Dash, but Gilda isn’t a good influence on you. I know I’m particularly sensitive, but even I can tell that her pranks are just plain mean. Somepony is going to get hurt sooner or later if you keep hanging out with her and I’m afraid you’re going to get in trouble for it.”

“I never quite went to jail hanging out with Gilda, but I came pretty close a few times. I was fresh out of school and didn’t know a thing about the world so I thought it was just the police being as Gilda would put it ‘totally lame,’ and it never occurred to me that what we were doing was stupid and probably dangerous to other ponies.”

“It started becoming a problem when I came back to Ponyville to start looking for a job.”

“I’m sorry miss, uh,” the weather pony looked back down at her paperwork, “Rainbow Dash. But working with the weather is a job that requires us to trust you, and that means a background check. When we ran one on you… well the fact that you haven’t been to jail isn’t for a lack of trying. You don’t work well with others, you don’t respect authority, your definition of ‘fun’ is probably closer to most pony’s definitions of trying to get somepony killed, are you getting my point here?”

“What? But all those were just harmless pranks. I mean I know that wouldn’t be cool if I was on the job but that was just going out and seeing Equestria after getting out of school.”

“Filling a seniors home with alarm clocks set to go off at random times at full volume is not my idea of a harmless prank! Lots of those older ponies have weak hearts. You’re lucky nopony died or we wouldn’t be talking right now because you’d be in jail.”

Rainbow Dash sputtered angrily but eventually walked out of the weather office. Everywhere she went was the same story. With the entry level positions she was looking for her being a blank flank was no problem, but as soon as they did some digging into her past with the police potential jobs couldn’t throw her out the door fast enough.

“You didn’t get the job.” Fluttershy said as Rainbow Dash walked through the door to her apartment. The yellow pegasus had gotten a part-time job at an animal hospital that earned her credit towards her medical degree as well as paying enough for her to afford a small apartment.

“No,” Rainbow Dash sighed as she flopped down on a comfy cloud couch. “Same old, same old, as soon as they find out about all that stuff I did with Gilda they stop being interested. At least this job told me no face to face. Usually it’s a letter, or more often they just forget I ever existed.”

“I’m sorry,” Fluttershy smiled sadly. “I just know you’ll find somepony who will give you a chance someday. Even if it’s just for one storm or to move some clouds, and once you show them what you can do things will get better.”

“Thanks Fluttershy,” Rainbow Dash smiled. Her best friend always knew what to say to lift her out of a funk.

Fluttershy flew slowly back from her classes. A cloud of birds and butterflies following her made it too beautiful a day to waste rushing from place to place. It was her day off from the animal hospital and as much as she wanted to spend the day resting back at her apartment she was determined to spend some time with the cute little critters that had convinced her to come down to the ground in the first place.

She flapped her wings and giggled at how the butterflies flowed around her wings to keep pace with her. Most ponies didn’t stop to appreciate how beautiful all the life around them was so Fluttershy tried to appreciate it enough to make up. Eventually though, even her sedate pace though Fluttershy had to get back to her apartment. Not that she didn’t like her apartment.

“Hey Fluttershy,” the yellow pegasus was less surprised than she cared to admit at seeing Rainbow Dash sitting on her couch.

“You’re not supposed to be back from this weather job for two weeks. Please don’t tell me you got kicked off another weather patrol team.”

“It’s not my fault!” Rainbow Dash complained. “I only hung out with Gilda on my day off. And I made sure that nothing we did got anywhere even close to the other weather ponies. How am I supposed to help it if all those ponies are total sticks in the mud?”

“Oh Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy sighed. “Didn’t you listen at all to that one pony who told you that being a weather pony is a job that means other ponies have to trust you? You can’t just be a good pony on the job and then go almost get arrested on your day off. What did Gilda even have you doing that got you kicked off the weather team?”

“It was great!” Rainbow Dash started laughing. “We got a whole bunch of plastic ties and tied everypony’s doors together. Nopony could open their doors! It was so funny watching all those ponies standing outside their doors looking totally helpless. They had to get the fire department to come cut all the ties!”

Fluttershy had been told her glare was actually rather terrifying. For that reason she didn’t use it on her friends unless she had no other choice. She didn’t think she had any other choice after hearing Rainbow Dash.

“That wasn’t funny at all Rainbow Dash. Locking all those ponies out of their homes was very cruel. And what if somepony was hurt and help couldn’t get to them because the door was locked? Or what if being stuck caused them to miss an important meeting, or what if they were late to work and go fired because of your prank?”

“That’s,” Rainbow Dash was clearly sulking, “nopony got hurt, so it was cool, okay?”

“It’s not cool, and you know it. But you always let Gilda talk you into these sorts of things. You have to learn to say no to her Rainbow Dash. Or someday she’s going to have you do something that I can’t help you after, and I don’t want to lose you as a friend.”

“I’ll try.” Rainbow Dash said at last.

“That’s all I’m asking for,” Fluttershy smiled. “Now, let’s go out and get something to eat. It’s a far too beautiful day to spend it inside.”

Fluttershy was not good with confrontations. So perhaps that was why she’d chosen to closet herself in her bedroom while Rainbow Dash and Gilda screamed at each other in her living room.

The griffon was apparently taking her friend’s reluctance to go along with her latest ‘prank,’ messing with a town’s water supply to give it drastically low pressure, as a rather serious and personal betrayal. Fluttershy didn’t have words to describe how proud of her best friend she was for realizing all the ways such a prank could go horribly wrong and hurt lots of ponies. She rather doubted that Rainbow Dash was happy at having to choose between her friends, but Gilda’s latest plan really would be over the line that would get them both arrested.

“… thought there was one pony here who wasn’t a twerp!” Gilda’s shout came through the door.

“You’re being a total jerk!” Rainbow Dash shouted back. “You were a great friend to go flying with, but until you stop wanting to hurt ponies for kicks just get out!”

Fluttershy heard some more angrily muttered words after that and then one of the more memorable door slams of her life. She waited about half a minute, just to make sure it was all over, before venturing out into the rest of her apartment. Rainbow Dash was sitting in the, fortunately unwrecked, living room.

“Are you okay Rainbow Dash?”

Her best friend turned to her. Fluttershy had never seen Rainbow Dash cry before but there were definitely darker streaks of her coat that could be nothing else.

“I’m… I feel like a jerk. I called Gilda a jerk, but I still feel like I left a friend hanging.”

Fluttershy hugged her friend. “That’s not true Rainbow Dash. You did everything you could to talk her out of this. You saved me from falling off that cloud, but something I learned in school is that you can’t save ponies, or griffons for that matter, from themselves.”

“I know, you’ve tried hard enough to save me from myself.”

“Well you might not be the best case.” Fluttershy laughed. “I guess I saved you from yourself.”

“Thanks Fluttershy. I probably don’t say this enough, but I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

Rainbow Dash stepped into Fluttershy’s apartment and let her saddlebags drop to the floor. Another month another being let go from a weather team. At least this time it had been because they hadn’t needed another pony on the team and being the newest member she was the obvious choice. She’d long since grown used to, and tired, of blowing her top at something or somepony and being let go from a weather team as ‘not a team player.’

“I’m home Fluttershy.”

“Oh, Rainbow Dash, I thought you’d be home a few days ago. You went almost two weeks before letting your temper get the best of you. That was almost a record. We’ll find you a permanent weather team soon at this rate.”

“Actually, it took thinking all your happy feely slogans till I heard them in my sleep but I didn’t let my temperature get the best of me,” Rainbow Dash smiled. “It just turned out to be a less complex job than they thought and they didn’t need all the ponies they’d brought on for the job. I was the newest pony on the team so I got let go.”

“I’m so proud of you Rainbow Dash!” Fluttershy smiled and wrapped her friend in a hug.

“Fluttershy, I still have to breathe.” Rainbow Dash croaked through her hug constricted throat. Fluttershy gasped and let go with a blush. “Thanks though, I mean it. I promise I’ll get a job with a weather team and keep it. First thing I’ll do when I do get that job will be to get out of your mane and give you back your couch.”

“I don’t mind you staying on my couch at all.” Fluttershy managed to sound like she was the one apologizing. “You’re a nice roommate, you’re clean, you don’t let your temper snap when I’m around, and I’ve gotten so used to you sleeping on my couch that if you left I honestly don’t know what I’d do with it.”

“Thanks, I think. Look, I’ll unpack a few things and then start looking for a new weather team tomorrow.”

“Actually I might be able to help with that,” Fluttershy smiled. “I try to keep an ear out for any job openings and I heard that Ponyville is looking for a new pony for their weather team. I know it’s a chance since you couldn’t just leave the city if you lost your temper, but I really think you can handle this. There’s something really big coming up in Ponyville in a few weeks. If you can make it through that without losing your temper I think you can make this last.”

It would definitely be a risk, but Fluttershy had never steered her wrong before. “Alright, I’ll do my best.”

“I didn’t know it at the time but turned out Gilda decided to go ahead with her prank without me.” Rainbow Dash wound down her tale. “And Fluttershy was dead right. Gilda got herself arrested and deported. I’d probably still be in jail if I went along with it.”

“That still doesn’t explain what Gilda is doing back in Equestria.” Rarity pointed out the glaring hole in Rainbow Dash’s story.

“I wish I knew,” Rainbow Dash shrugged, “but after she stormed out of Fluttershy’s apartment I haven’t seen or talked to Gilda until today. I guess she probably got dumped somewhere in the Griffon Kingdom and then went back home. I thought about sending her a letter every few months, but when I’d try to start it I never got anywhere.”

Twilight turned as they trotted along. “Well whatever brought Gilda here it’s not much of a surprise that Nightmare Moon would be inviting all sorts of ponies and creatures who didn’t get along with Celestia to serve her. That would make it easy to build army that wouldn’t have any problems hurting all the ponies who used to look up to Celestia. There is one thing in particular that worries me about Gilda and any other Griffons Nightmare Moon has recruited. Griffons are carnivores, and even if ponies haven’t been part of their diet for a long time I wouldn’t put it past Nightmare Moon to put us back on the menu if she thought it would help stamp out resistance to her rule.”

“That’s horrible!” Fluttershy gasped. “How could Nightmare Moon do that to other ponies?”

“I don’t think she really cares about other ponies Fluttershy.” Rainbow Dash tried to be gentle with her friend. “And the way Gilda was talking and acting back there I think I could see her eating a pony just for kicks. We’re going to have to be really careful from here to Ponyville. When Gilda finds out she didn’t kill Applejack she’s probably going to come right back to try finishing the job.”

“Well that’s what you’re here for darling,” Rarity smiled at Rainbow Dash, “to keep a lookout so Gilda and her horrible thugs can’t sneak up on us.”

“Shhh!” Pinkie Pie signaled from up ahead where she was carrying Applejack. “There’s somepony up ahead.”

They hadn’t been a particularly loud group to begin with, but as soon as Pinkie Pie whispered her warning they were quiet enough that one could have heard a pin fall into the earth.

“I guess Gilda brought some friends,” Twilight whispered.

“We still have to get to Ponyville,” Fluttershy whispered back. “Applejack isn’t in any immediate danger out here but if she doesn’t get some proper rest at some point that could change or she might not heal properly.”

“We can’t stay here,” Rarity edged towards the others. “Twilight, do you think we could use your quiet spell to cover ourselves while we move? It will slow us down quite a bit but at least we’ll still be moving.”

Twilight responded by lighting her horn and waiting for her friends to get ready. Slowly they crept up to where Pinkie Pie was waiting with the unconscious Applejack. From Pinkie Pie’s vantage point it was obvious that while they were still a ways away there were lots of ponies in the woods ahead searching for them.

“We should get moving,” Pinkie Pie said as they slid up alongside her. “They’re probably expecting us to be pretty close to where we were when Gilda attacked. So if we can get close to where they are now they might not be looking as hard.”

Twilight was shocked at the seeming change of attitude from the normally jubilant pony, but a look at Rarity said this was one of those times where Pinkie Pie was simply being Pinkie Pie.

Nopony seemed to have a better idea so they set off as quickly as they dared to avoid notice and hurting Applejack. Rainbow Dash was constantly waiting for somepony or something to jump out of the trees at them but they followed Pinkie Pie’s unerring directions and met nothing as they worked their way towards the ponies looking for them.

“Rainbow Dash,” she heard Twilight whisper. “If we get caught I want you to take Applejack and get away from here.”

“What?” Rainbow Dash tried to shout at a whisper. “No way, I’m not going to leave you guys hanging if we have to fight our way to Ponyville.”

“Please,” Twilight pleaded. “I know you don’t want to leave, but if we’re caught there’s nopony else who knows how to beat Nightmare Moon. You have to take Applejack and get out of here. Let her heal up and then you two can go find the Elements of Harmony and use them to bring back Celestia, defeat Nightmare Moon, or whatever it is they’re supposed to do.”

Rainbow Dash glared at her friend before softening her look and sighing. “Fine, but only if it looks like it’s a fight we can’t win. And if I do have to take Applejack and run I want you guys to hoof it to Ponyville as fast as you can. We’ll try to meet up and go from there, okay?”

Twilight nodded and turned forward with a look of determination on her face.

Pinkie Pie led them forward for several more minutes before stopping in front of a particularly thick stand of trees.

“It’s a good hiding place,” Rarity gave the trees an appraising look, “but it’s an obviously good hiding place. It’s certainly the sort of place I’d look if I were looking for somepony.”

At that moment they heard a rustling in the trees off in the distance that could only be the sounds of ponies looking for them. Good hiding spot or not they were going to be using the stand of trees. Horns glowing Rarity and Twilight tried to move aside branches and bushes to let them into the trees without leaving any trace that anypony had ever been there. It was a chore moving Applejack into the stand of trees but they somehow managed. In short order five pairs of eyes tried to pierce the thick cover of plants shielding them from the searching ponies outside.

Seconds later four ponies in black robes came into view and started poking around the neck of the woods Rainbow Dash and friends had hidden in. Pinkie Pie’s plan seemed to have worked as none of the Nightmare Children seemed to be searching too hard.

“Why are we even looking here?” One of the Nightmare Children complained. “Even if those traitors were crazy enough to attack us head on there’s no way they’d have made it this far in so little time.”

“Orders are orders,” another black robed pony chided, “and you don’t want to deal with that crazy griffon for not obeying orders do you?”

“I guess not,” the first pony replied. “Anyways, this looks like as good a place as any.”

As good a place as any for what? The ponies in the stand of trees looked nervously at each other.

“Go back and find Gilda,” the second pony said, “and tell her we’ve found a location for her to move her command post up to.”

“Yes sir,” a third voice said.

She couldn’t see anything through the trees but she could hear the sounds of a pony going back the way the four ponies had come. Gilda must have been somewhere back there, and soon she was going to be right outside the stand of trees they were hiding in with Celestia only knew how many ponies.

“We have to run right now,” Fluttershy whispered. “They’ll find us if we stay here, and we can’t outrun an army of them if we’re carrying Applejack.”

“We could try to fight our way out,” Rarity said, “but I’d rather not go through what we went through in Manehatten again. Even if there’s nopony around this time to get hurt.”

“I just don’t like our chances of fighting our way out,” Twilight sighed. “We’re down a pony, a pony and a half since one of us has to carry Applejack, and we can’t move nearly as fast as we did in Manehatten.”

“Can we try sneaking our way out?” Pinkie Pie carefully lifted Applejack to rest on her back. “We’ve got Twilight’s quiet spell, and we wouldn’t have to move all that fast so carrying Applejack wouldn’t be a problem.”

“That’s not going to work and you know it,” Rainbow Dash grumbled. “You girls take Applejack and run. I’ll fly out of here as fast as I can before that and draw them all off. You know they can’t keep up with me. I’ll lead them around for awhile, lose them, and then catch up with you.”

The other ponies all started to protest, but as they tried to think of something that would work better they all came up blank.

“Be careful Rainbow Dash,” Twilight levitated the pegasus’ saddlebags onto her own back. “If you can’t find us try to make your way to Ponyville. We’ll meet there.”

Rainbow Dash nodded and started slowly counting to three with a hoof. On three she burst out of the stand of trees as fast as she could. She made a circle around the surprised Nightmare Children to hide where she’d started and then she took off in a random direction. A pegasus racing through the sky quickly caught the attention of the ponies serving under Gilda and before long Rainbow Dash had a number of followers. Sadly Gilda herself didn’t make an appearance. Rainbow Dash really wanted to rub her beak into the dirt before leaving the griffon in her dust.

The ponies following her were a persistent bunch though. They knew how to fly in a pattern so that one pony took the wind resistance and left the others fresher than they might have been. They were smart enough to keep up with her, but were they fast enough?

Rainbow Dash pumped her wings and started climbing. The ponies behind her would have to work plenty hard to keep up with her, and she hadn’t even started trying yet. The ponies behind her tried to keep up for awhile before realizing it was futile. Proving unpleasantly smart once again they stopped climbing and started circling below her, waiting.

“Okay,” Rainbow Dash smirked, “let’s take smarts out and put skill in!”

She dove.

The ponies below her were waiting but there was no way they could be ready. A rainbow colored blur shot by them and kept heading towards the trees. Rainbow Dash plummeted towards the sea of green beneath her. The air was thick around her and it was fighting back as she tried to dive faster and faster. She remembered the old stories about pegasi flying so fast the air stopped fighting them. If she went just a little faster…

No, she had to lose these ponies so she could get back to the others and help Applejack. She dialed the speed back just a bit and tore through the trees. Leaves and branches tore at her wing feathers but she didn’t lose anything important. Going even lower she started weaving between the trees. It was risky, but the leaves above wouldn’t rustle so her pursuers would have no clue where she was going. She spent several minutes like that before slowing to a stop.

Silence enveloped her and she listened. Her mad flight had scared the animals to silence and without any breeze the only sound she could hear was her own breathing. She’d drawn the guards and Nightmare Children away from the others and lost them. Now she just had to catch up to the others, but how was she going to do that when she didn’t even know where she was?