• Member Since 21st Jul, 2023
  • offline last seen 20 minutes ago

Penanka72


Check out my stories and see if you like them. go on, I don't bite…

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We follow a girl who live in a small town in Liverpool, fulfilling her dreams of playing football at the highest level until… Her path took a strange turn as she magically appeared at the magical lands of Equestria.

Chapters (20)
Comments ( 36 )

Seems solid, Can't wait for more

Liverpool vs Everton🔥

So I don't know if this is out of nowhere but what happened to her brother?

Imma be honest with you, I've got zero knowledge about football or soccer whatever you wanna call it. One thing I do know however is that this chapter was written really well so you better believe I'm gonna keep sticking around

Pretty cool to have a choose your own adventure deal, but if both choices don't end up in kinda similar ways the whole story could start to loose some of its coherencey.

Neat little peak into the future. Or is it the past? I'm assuming the green mare is the heroine but it's been a while since I read so I could be wrong.

"Are ya ready, Sis? I hope ya know I'm not gonna go easy on ya, kidda.” With a mischievous grin on his face, Jason playfully taunted Amelia, dressed in an old, worn-out grey tracksuit. His football boots were laced up and ready for action, and he held a ball at his feet, a playful challenge in his eyes. It was a familiar scene, one that often marked the beginning of their football battles. The air was filled with friendly competition as Jason prepared to showcase his skills, ready to engage in another spirited match with his sister.

Kiddo? I belive is what you meant.

Anywho looks like I definitely miss-remembered who the protag was. I agree with my previous comment, it still seems solid.
The sudden jump from describing a war torn world to soccer (or football) is kinda confusing but it could work to the stories benefit.

11917493
Kidda=Kiddo, just a different way we say it over in Liverpool. Also, the prologue will make sense as soon as you read chapter 11!

11772052
I think a different place and perhaps also time.

I approve your story. Hopefully there will be a conclusion to her victory.

11920687
Amelia hasn't won anything yet, BUT! She will get there and hopefully join the team she wants.

Wings… I HAVE WINGS!?!?!? “WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN’ ON!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!”

I gotta say…I am REALLY invested in this story so far! I haven’t played any sort of sport in a long time, but your vivid descriptions of every game take me back in the best ways. I really love Amelia as the protagonist. She comes off as very relatable in her desire to be the best and overcome the stereotypes associated with being a pegasus and a goalkeeper. She honestly kinda reminds me of me to be honest. I can’t help but have that same sort of drive for the stuff I do, and her feelings really do come across to the reader. I really do want her to succeed, and I’m rooting for her. Your passion for this premise really shines through with the investing descriptions and tone. Plus, the lore potential with Discord’s story and the mysterious force that brought Amelia to Equestria is very interesting to think about. I also want to compliment some of the interactive “choose your ending” type chapters you put. That’s actually very creative, and a great way of exploring multiple avenues, though if you plan to do more of these, I would suggest having more story differences in each outcome. All of the choices so far appear to end the same way, when the point of having these sort of interactive chapters is to showcase different outcomes to every choice. It’s just something I suggest you do if you plan to have more of these.

Overall, this is a really cool story with a ton of potential. Once I started reading, I could not stop. I keep wanting to know what happens next and I can’t wait until you update this further. Keep up the great work!

11921104
Aw thanks, it's little things like these that keep me going despite it being hard to be consistent.

11921085
That's probably what Amelia would have said yeah:rainbowlaugh:

Suddenly, a wave of loud cheers reverberated throughout the stadium, drawing their attention to the pitch. The Toffees, adorned in their vibrant lime green jerseys, crisp white shorts, and matching lime green football socks, emerged from the tunnel. They jogged onto the field with a sense of purpose, their heads down in deep concentration.

However, the euphoria of the cheers quickly transformed into a chorus of boos and whistles as the opposing team made their entrance. These players, dressed entirely in red, were met with a barrage of disapproval from the home fans. Undeterred, the away supporters responded with their own fervent chants, creating a spirited and electric atmosphere within the stadium. The stage was set for an intense clash between the Toffees and The Reds, sparking a palpable sense of anticipation among the spectators.

Well, there's your FIRST problem. The Reds are red... But the Toffees are green and white!:ajbemused:

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There’s a reason for the colours of shirts and the names of the clubs, it's not random.

Ah, your'e from Britan I see.

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Up the brits🤌

That day was none as the Match of Truce.

Wouldn't it be known not none

Amelia realised that her knowledge of hoofball, as they called it here - a term she found more appealing than 'soccer' - was rather limited. She found herself pondering over the rules of the game. Were the players allowed to use magic or fly during the match? Could there be more than eleven players on the field at any given time? The thought intrigued her.

Hold it, hold it. often you refer to therm as having feet, but you call this hoofball? I'm confuzzled.

11923060
It's another term ponies call it, please bear with me here😭. Also, COUNTER ARGUMENT! It's like Americans calling the NFL Football. At what point do the players kick the ball in the NFL?:rainbowhuh: So the same logic applies!… I think… I don't know, just go with it!

I've been reading this story and I think it's good keep up the good work

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