Your name is Nightfall Abyss. You're a soon-to-be Keyblade Wielder at Canterlot High School. Your most hated enemy is Sunset Shimmer, who has plagued the school with her darkness. You're the only one she fears. While you are respected for standing up to her, you're also feared by your fellow students for using the powers of Darkness to fight. Life is simple. But when a princess from another world comes out of your world's keyhole, your entire life is turned upside down. Will you accept her ideals of friendship and let go of your darkness? Or will you fall deeper into the blackness of your heart and destroy both her and Sunset.
Inspired by Kingdom Hearts: Masters of Tomorrow by Golden Flare
Chapters (2)
>Your name is Nightfall Abyss
Oh boy. It's one of those.
8768641
What?
8768655
I mean no offense by this, but you wrote a story that can be found elsewhere on the site.
I'm not saying you plagiarized, I'm saying you followed a trend. This is a story that pops up once a month (used to be once a week). It is unoriginal and boring. I can likely tell you exactly what this story is about within the first chapter and the flaws in it without reading it.
Grammatical mistakes, story flaws, plot holes, thematic issues, etc..
If this is a story you wish to write, feel free, but you can do better.
8768666
Very well, if you can tell me the whole story right now, tell me how it'll play through.
8768975
General trends? I already said that with the following line, but if you mean specifics I can certainly try.
An "cool" (read Edgy) protagonist uses the powers of darkness (and edge) to fight against his foes. In this case, the villain is Sunset Shimmer (Bold, I will say this is unique. Do you, by chance, hate Sunset Shimmer?). This might evolve to some form of god later in the story, but that's a coin flip.
Somewhere along the way he'll meet Princess Twilight Sparkle and she'll instantly "feel a connection" with him, for whatever reasons. Maybe he saves her, maybe they're born with it, maybe it's plot convenience. She tries talking about friendship, he'll claim how he's feared, hated, powerful, and his way of life is superior. She'll act OOC and say, "Wow, you must have have bad friends, but open up to me", and will either cure him with her womanly wiles or learn to live with his edge.
After that, we'll go down two alternate routes. Harem route and solo route.
Harem Route includes him meeting all the mane 6 (in this case humane) and, one by one, converts them to his harem. Details aren't important, he'll just do it because. Go on to Solo route as not much else changes.
Solo route: The girls all confide in him and allow the OC to lead them, despite having no reason to. Twilight would make a better leader, but for some reason this nobody who is nothing more than a punk will have good plans, a solid head, and leadership under his belt.
Slowly ramp up to final boss, some form of god, defeat it through friendship or edge (your choice).
Extra points if you entertain the following:
OC never faces serious threats
Everyone acts OOC around the OC
OC one-ups everyone in everything they're good in
Now, this is just by going off the description and general trends. Not 100% accurate, but I think it's a close enough guesstimate to be valuable.
8768985
Wow, so right but so wrong. I do intend to have him meet Twilight at some point. But I'm not a harem fan, and he certainly won't lead them. Since when is Darkness ever accepted with those bitches?
8769016
You'd be surprised. Far too many writers go down the path of "Totally kewl OC leads the Group". If you'd like, I can point out a few of these stories. Since I was wrong... my apologies.
8769035
Yeah, I'm trying to break the usual fanfic habit of making the OC join the 6.
8768985
Mind if I save that triggering pasta?
8770925
Feel free.
About the requests, do they have to be Disney worlds? Or can they only be worlds known in Kingdom Hearts?
8834135
They can be any video game, anime, or cartoon show you can think of. I'm not sure I can mention all of them, but I will do my best. And especially Disney movies/shows can be requested.
8834667 Okay then, how about Undertale?
8834828
You see, the problem with that is there's an infinite number of possibilities with that game. And the player is not necessarily the good guy or the bad guy. And the player is to a degree invincible. What would you suggest I do with that world? (not to be rude)
Jojo's Bizarre Adventure
Papuwa
8836188 I propose that Nightfall convince the player (AKA Frisk) not to harm others as Chara (his evil side) tries to disregard Nightfall's advice and drive Frisk towards genocide
That's the best I can think of at the moment, what do you think?
8837017
Perhaps. I'll try to incorprate it in, but no promises.
8838361 That's all I ask
you no if he has Darkness in his heart he could us it for good right
9107493
I'm following a Riku path with Nightfall, with a few changes to the story. Need I say more?
9110062
no