), I do love fussing over stats where anything of interest is concerned, Fimfic included. Happily, I’m not alone (because duh 
): Recommendsday blogger, fic writer and all-around awesome chap TCC56 does too, and in his latestGhost Mike's Ponyfic Review Monday Musings #5 · 5:00pm Apr 4th, 2022
Dazzle Feather: "This just in – Reunification Hero Sunny Starscout, upon hearing Ghost Mike had a Generation Five-themed review week lined up, was more ecstatic than Princess Pipp was to hit No. 1. Her joy quickly turned to sour grapes upon seeing the contents within. More as this situation develops."
After over six months, we’re finally on the cusp of the next batch of Generation Five content! Okay, it’s the Tell Your Tale webseries, which is likely to be no different than the lightweight EqG shorts or the stop-motion FiM sketches, just with some marketing muscle thrown behind it. Even apart from the artstyle (which I am willing to forgive if money is being saved there to boost the CG series), I don’t anticipate it holding my interest (or most people’s) past the first few mandatory curio episodes. I’m sure I’ll end up posting thoughts on it regardless. But it does give me good timing to review only G5 fics this week, no?
Perhaps it’s just the fact that I barely got to experience any of Friendship Is Magic firsthand as it was happening (and that which I did I’ve since written 90+% of off), but I’ve found myself endlessly fascinated by the development trend of Generation Five fics thus far. This despite the fact that I can’t call the film any better than decent, and that the hard G4 connection, which I find a crippling failure with almost nothing salvageable about it, is an element many fics naturally jump on. But that’s of little direct relevance right now, I just felt it fair to disclose my bias.
In any case, the trajectory has been telling of the kind of film A New Generation is – in the six months and change since the film came out, we’ve had just under 500 fics based on it. That would be reasonable for most animated films’ fanfic fandoms, but it can’t help but pale in comparison to FiM. In fact, it’s even substantially less than Equestria Girls, after the first month (ANG ranged from 53-63 in November-January and just 23 in February – it rebounded in March, fair, but only to 48 – while EqG averaged 72-106 and 53-75 in the same timeframe respectively). It’s reasonably clear why, especially after my research of the fics we do have – this film’s worldbuilding (and also characters, they were designed for their role in the plot, but mostly the worldbuilding) is just not as instantly conducive to writing and expanding on. And also, the kid-friendly elements and downplayed threat level make writing higher-rated fics more challenging, shown in how almost 55% of G5 fics are rated Everyone.
A television series is, of course, far more conducive to providing fertile grounds for fanfic, and I’m sure we’ll see an brief uptick with the Make Your Mark special in May, and again with the first season in September and the Winter Wishday special in November (as for the webseries, I’m guessing it’ll make a Pony Life-level contribution – that being peanuts, at least as far as fics that could only be spawned from it and not also the CG content). But the general feeling of being a more modest output rooted in the film’s general wheelhouse, with some diversions simply due to the fandom’s size, that’s probably going to be a given.
And perhaps because people are waiting to see what the specials and show do, relatively few fanfics thus far have delved into events after the film beyond the immediate aftermath. The risk of getting jossed into non-Canon never stopped many G4 fanfics from being written, so that can’t be it alone. Regardless, G5 fics thus far are largely very short (barely 6,700 words per story, while FiM averages 16.3K), and mostly little character or fluff pieces. Perhaps because of that, and the limited range of fics available, I’ve read G5 fics I almost certainly would not have otherwise. So there’s some disposable, rudderless content today, and again in the future.
Also, as I’ve been reading them reasonably regularly over the last six months, there are some quality entries I’d read and rated before I started reviewing – if you’re looking for more top-notch ones, I’ve attached a list of rated-but-not-reviewed G5 fics for the top three rating tiers (Pretty Good, Really Good and Excellent) at this post’s bottom.
Okay, that’s enough of a prelude. Let’s get to today’s batch. Despite the short length of most fics I tend to review, this is easily my largest Monday Musings yet. Just so happens I found a few longer fics to read.
This Week’s Spectral Stories:
New Recruits by Quoterific
Pipp Petals: Pet Patrol by SockPuppet
The Parable of the Toymaker by Jarvy Jared
Mother-Daughter Date by Mica
Princessy Things by Lets Do This
What day is it? by Xiutik
Slave to Desire by libertydude
Weekly Word Count: 47,882 Words
New Recruits by Quoterific
Genre: Slice of Life/Comedy
Hitch (with Sunny, Izzy, Zipp and Pipp)
1,652 Words
February 2022
In the wake of magic being restored to Equestria, and all ponies being friends again, Hitch decides a good step to keep the peace would be some new law enforcement hires. His choice proves… unconventional.
I’ve read a few of Quoterific’s short G5 fics, and by and large found them wanting.* They don’t nearly live up the potential of their premises (they are largely all comedies), simply presenting the facts plainly and having everypony be nonplussed at everything within. Add on top of that functional-yet-wooden dialogue, and description delivered plainly without a spark of wit, and it’s fair to say they are completely neutral. Sadly, New Recruits only shows marginal growth.
* Their G4 fics I’ve read fare marginally better mostly on the backs of inherited strengths from the source material, and more experience and refinement writing those characters – however, the same issues mostly still apply.
Even if the twist is all but given away by the cover art and the description, it still is given away too early in the short fic. The buildup of Hitch’s Stern Drill Sergeant talk would be funnier for a more sustained portion if one line saying who the new deputies weren’t was removed, no other changes. It’s a pity because this early stretch is where the comedy potential shines through a little. After that, the rest of the fic is plain and uninteresting, especially when the rest of the Mane 5 show up in the 2nd half.
I keep giving new Quoterific fics a go because the potential is always there (and they are pretty good at combining cover art and short descriptions to make their stories’ prospects intriguing). Which makes it all the sadder it remains untapped. Best advice is to go full comedy and ham, far more than seems necessary. Given how much they’re holding back at the time of writing this fic, that should balance out to a more wacky and funny result, one which can be further refined.
Rating: Weak
Pipp Petals: Pet Patrol by SockPuppet
Genre: Comedy/Dark
Pipp, Zipp, Queen Haven
1,489 Words
February 2022
Of late, more and more pets in Zephyr Heights have gone missing. While Pipp is sympathetic and willing to give the lost notices of her fans’ pets signal boosts on her streams, they’re taking up too much time lately. But a content creator is nothing if not proactive, so Detective Petals is on the case!
She has no idea what she’s getting into.
What we have here is basically a black comedy leaning hard on the absurd and mad (and intentionally OOC, arguably). It progresses through short, clipped scenes which pile on characters being unhelpful, bizarre events springing on Pipp, or both. And they’re funny, or at least amusing enough that the fic is never dull. It’s certainly a change, to have Pipp being so proactive and going all Shadow Spade (even if she doesn’t see it that way), if for selfish reasons. Not the first direction I would have picked to extend her character beyond her limited development in the film, but I approve. It’s fun and gets some personality out of her (even if it’s mostly just playing copycat on Rarity).
Then it turns out it’s all leading up to a reveal of a misinterpretation that can best be summed up by a few reactions in the comments (altered slightly to avoid spoilers):
FanOfMostEverything: “On the one hand, God damn it, Sock.”
Scyphi: “I can hear Twilight sighing in disappointment from a whole generation away.”
Thought Prism: “Son of a...”
KingSombraTheTyrantRuler: “”
Tipper: “Sockdamnit. I laughed. Take your upvote.”
It’s a stupid, feghoot-level reveal, but darn it if I didn’t grin. And since this fic gives engaging personalities to two characters who largely didn’t have that in the film, if by taking the kind of liberties permissible of a warped black comedy, I approve.
Not much else to it. Those wary of comedy snippets this unexpectedly dark without scruples might want to steer clear, but the rest of us, it’s a short, groan-worthy diversion you’re glad to be groaning at, and well-constructed and told to boot. Which fits, SockPuppet is an experienced and versatile author.
Rating: Decent
The Parable of the Toymaker by Jarvy Jared
Genre: Drama/Romance
OC, Argyle
20,538 Words
January-February 2022
Maple Craft is the daughter of the master toymaker and woodcrafter Master Mallet. Though a young mare now, she continues to work under him as she always has, now painting much of what he’s commissioned to craft. One day, a young stallion shows up with an unusual commission: six pony figurines, only two of them earth ponies, and in exacting detail. Maple had no idea how this would go on to change everything.
My synopsis tease does not do this fic any justice whatsoever. This is a phenomenal story, breaking through my iron-cast resistance to fics founded on the G4 -> G5 connection. It’s already doing the wise thing of taking one unexplained thing in the film’s setup – where did the Mane 6 figurines come from, in a world that’s rejected the very ideals they represent – and crafting a prequel piece out of them. Then it crafts two absolutely wonderful characters out of Maple and her father, figures who we really only get snatches of across the 20K words here, yet who spring to life through the way the story is told.
It’s told in 1st-person from Maple’s point-of-view in a style that splinters in fragments and recollections along the chronological story path, an odd choice that is justified alone by the effect this has on the characters, bathing in the effects ponies or people can have on each other through minimal or lengthy contact. Then the ending comes along and it all makes much more sense. That’s another thing – the story ends with realisation on the reader’s part about how everything has filtered in, leaving them well impressed at the piece’s structural integrity in a way that, with very rare exceptions, can only happen when a story is fully finished before a single chapter is posted.
On top of all that, what else is being said here, about how with love comes loss, ends up being really penetrating, both through the relaxed middle and then the more biting, raw climax. I’m not ashamed to admit I teared up a little.
I’ve read some good G5 fics I think everyone should look at, even a few great ones. But it’s not hyperbole to say this is the best one yet. A bravo showing from Jarvy Jared, who’d written some good works before but really blew my expectations away with this (and they were already reasonably high). Read and adore.
Rating: Excellent
Mother-Daughter Date by Mica
Genre: Drama/Slice of Life
Zipp, Queen Haven
2,256 Words
February 2022
Hearts and Hooves Day. Best day of the year, right? Well, if you've got a Very Special Somepony, sure. Maybe not so much otherwise. For Zipp Storm, the routine she does with her mother every year is the best choice out of a bushel of bad apples, so she keeps it up, despite the repeated friction. Yet a date is a two-way street, and this time, maybe there will be some reciprocation.
This fic was something of a surprise, doing two things well that usually aren't done well at all. The first being, of course, romantic loner fics, of which there's a Valentines/Hearts-and-Hooves subset, I'm sure, though I can't recall any to mind. The second is G5 fics set after the film's end, not before (to my mind, almost all the worthwhile ones thus far have been prequel pieces). Though this fic being set where it is, well over a year after the film's end, only has minimal bearing on it, so perhaps that's a moot point.
In any case, what we have here is a dinner between Zipp and Haven, two ponies who find it very difficult to get along, yet because they're both loners in their own way, and mother and daughter, they spend a lot of time together and know each other very well. I cannot undersell how effective the depiction of this relationship is (I daresay any adult who similarly is still mostly with a parent(s) will find this fic spookily relatable), where neither of them want to be here, but are trying their best to be polite, and largely succeeding. As the evening proceeds, mostly in silence with some lapses, it turns towards Zipp's frustration at her lack of a romantic life, an area her mother seems to only have generic platitudes of hope to say about. The way both know more than that – especially regarding a secret Zipp has which isn't stated, only hinted at cryptically enough that many readers might not get it – and the way the roles get reversed as the meal ends, that was a glowing strength too.
Just for a fresh take on the relationship between Zip and Haven that feels so right and cuts quite deep, the fic would be well worth the read. That it's written competently on top of that (the alternation between dialogue and description is especially well-done, letting them reflect the mood and tone at the table), and has extra value as a kind of Lonely Hearts fic that is realistic yet hopeful, makes it quite the festive treat.
Rating: Pretty Good
Princessy Things by Lets Do This
Genre: Slice of Life/Comedy/Drama
Sunny, Izzy, Pipp, Hitch, Phyllis
9,956 Words
February 2022
With magic and harmony restored to Equestria, Sunny is doing what she can to adapt to her newfound powers, sun-moving duties, and level of respect. Yet as she goes about this with her friends’ help, she finds more and more ponies are tense and fearful around her. Why will not remain a mystery for long.
In many ways, this is the first G5 fic I’ve read that actually feels like what a follow-up tv episode from the film would be like. Not what the actual G5 show will do, I’m sure – in particular, this reminded me of the opening episode of Dragons: Riders of Berk, the television spin-off to How to Train Your Dragon. That was all about taking the major change to everyone’s livelihood from integrating dragons and vikings, and (somewhat realistically) tackling the logical hurdles as a fallout, complete with doubt and falling back on old ways of thinking, within the confines of the town. All of that is true here, just with ponies. And despite its 10K length, the story keeps itself fully focused on Sunny, letting the other aspects of the reunification be merely minor lore sprinkling at the sidelines (the action never leaves Maretime Bay, for one thing). It’s quite focused without feeling constrained, not an easy balance to hit.
Really, though, there’s just a certain flow to the incident and events that feels very tv episode like, for better or for worse. I’m sure the Make Your Mark special, once it airs and is not remotely similar to this, will age this comment like mouldy cheese.
Characterisation throughout is decently strong, once one makes allowances for the dialogue being plain and straight-laced. Let’s Do This is effective at getting inside a character’s head without needing internal monologues or soliloquies or even lengthy thoughts, and their ability to maintain a light and breezy tone regardless of the topic at hand is impressive for its competent consistency. Sunny’s plight of not wanting special treatment, and especially not to be feared, takes some slight detours along the way that make it land quite effectively. If all one wants is that, this fic’s got your back.
The story’s pacing churns along nicely without dragging or getting too speedy. While the self-aware jokes, or those commenting on G4 lore as reinterpreted in this canon, almost exclusively fall flat (this is just not even close to the tone of comedy needed to justify a line like "Sounds like a ten-episode streaming series right there!"), as is almost unavoidably the case with G5 fics, the lore and world-building that can exist without direct reference to G4 largely lands. The digression into the Maretime Bay schooling system mid-story is especially satisfactory.
And yet… for all that this story does right, there are simply too many misguided ideas scattered throughout, at both the macro and micro level. Even if one gets past how hurriedly the idea of Sunny having sun-raising powers and duties is put in, one also has to deal with the unexplained thing of pegasi needing to manage weather again (some other fics at least toss in a line about weather no longer operating itself after the reunification, but we don't even get that here). There’s enough issues like this to make it quite transparent that the setup has been beaten into its current shape to tell this story, regardless of if it creates shortcuts or hiccups. And there are still weird decisions later, like Hitch being largely absent from the group even when his Sheriff duties don’t demand he be elsewhere – it comes across as author-mandated sidelining. I could name others, but that’s enough to show the point.
But the problem is bigger than those little details – the fic has odd tonal diversions that feel like weird justifications for the comedy tag. The fic is light and breezy, but it’s not a comedy, and even when it’s not self aware or meta jokes (another clinker: the end indication that Twilight is watching over and laughing at Sunny’s misfortune), the laboured jokes (as opposed to the more natural character asides in the mode the film operated, which do work) tend to grind the momentum to a halt.
I get the feeling most readers, being less demanding and more easily swayed as regards the G4 elements (which are still less obtrusive here than in most fics), will take to this more easily. Lets Do This continues to show their writing chops, and the characters and plot layering continue to excel without being showy about it. They just need to better think through the ideas that are included, and scale back on the less-justifiable ones. Reign in the indulgence, in essence. But it’s a more enjoyable lark than their other G5 fics, approaching the level of their G4 stories. That’s worthy of admiration.
Rating: Decent
What day is it? by Xiutik
Genre: Romance/Comedy/Random
Pipp, Hitch, Sprout
2,099 Words
November 2021Reread for Chapter 1 only
Pipp fancies taking a walk through Maretime Bay to enjoy the scenery and pick up some more selfies against the town backdrops. Sunny, Izzy and Zipp are busy making a pizza, but they suggest asking if Hitch wants to go. Dropping by the police station to ask him, she finds a unique calendar with pictures of him for every month.
This is a cute, if rather rudimentary, little shipfic. It gets a little mileage out of some comic chemistry between a surprisingly humble Sprout and Pipp, and there’s a few moments of funny embarrassment from most ponies involved. It should be noted the author’s first language isn’t English, and it does show a little, though not nearly as much as it might have.
However, tinkering after the fact drags it down. The fic added a 2nd chapter a few days later following debates in the comments, and for my money, this weakens the fic – the comedy and embarrassment is dialled way back, letting it be mostly just bland “both of them feel warm and fuzzy for the other” inner monologues. The last quarter of the fic is just bland mush that takes quite a bit out of it.
Were I just looking at the first chapter, as I did when I first read this, it would merit a Passable, but taken as a whole, the fic slips below that. Of course, those who like the idea of a cute li’l Hitch/Pipp story (and I do see the appeal of the ship, even if I have no feeling for it or most ships) will probably be more forgiving.
Rating: Weak
Slave to Desire by libertydude
Genre: Adventure (with Violence)
Queen Haven, Izzy, Other
9,892 Words
January 2022
Three years on from the return of magic, the three pony tribes are meeting in Maretime Bay to finalise their reunification into one kingdom under Princess Sunny. But it is not a happy day for all. Queen Haven is being forced to abdicate for this, and knows full well that she will be judged as a footnote in history after this. Yet all that falls by the wayside when strange creatures attack from nowhere, and Haven is forced to team up with a friend of her daughters’, while also tapping into a side of herself she’d long since buried.
That above premise is a good hook (if diluted a little by an overlong story description), with lots of intriguing ideas, not least Haven being forced to step down, Sunny being the ruler now, and it being three years since the film’s events (virtually all G5 fics thus far are in its immediate aftermath). However, it is really only the pretext for the story – once the attack begins, barely 1,000 words into a 9.9K story, the above elements become superficial or do not matter at all (Sunny is literally never mentioned again, for one thing).
No, the fic is really just a “Haven/Izzy team-up against vicious drones/their mysterious leader” story. That might still be fine, even coming off of a opening that promised something else, but this ends up being awfully lopsided too, veering from idea to idea, from tone to tone, and from focus to focus (not least how Haven says one thing about her past, but shows another, and the fic doesn’t seem aware of this disparity). Thus, none of the elements really land even marginally, and in the case of the character-based ones, like Izzy’s reluctance for violence or her culture clash with Haven (though this does start out adequate), this cut off the fic’s reader investment at the knees. It leaves it just a fic inching on bloodiness with a mean streak that ends up being somewhat unpleasant to digest. And the revelation of what the enemy is is such a non-starter with no context that I can’t imagine even those properly familiar with said element coming away satisfied.
I didn’t notice this was a Generation 5 Bingo Contest entry until after I read it. That certainly explains why these particular elements were chosen (less so the particular G1/2/3 character), but still not how haphazardly they were connected. It does put into context why so many elements are dropped as it goes, and why the fic ends so abruptly without even returning to the elements that opened it – the 10K word limit, applied to a fic with this many ideas, wreaks havoc. And people wonder why I am doubtful by default of Bingo contest entry defaults.
I can’t recommend this even to the curious. The elements are too scattershot, the tone and prose style all over the place, the mean elements and streak of violence don’t feel organic. It’s all just a hodgepodge, and no amount of interesting ideas confined to the setup can rectify that. They only make the wasted potential more dominant.
Rating: Bad
Spooky Summary of Scores:
Excellent: 1
Really Good: 0
Pretty Good: 1
Decent: 2
Passable: 0
Weak: 2
Bad: 1
I’ve disclosed this in past review blogs, but from about May last year to January, I rated and shelved fics without reviews and only occasional comments. Giving blank feedback was one of the main reasons I migrated to this new system. But it does mean there’s many fics, G5 and otherwise, I’ve read and rated but haven’t reviewed. I’m not going to go back and review these, it’s more productive to do so for fics I haven’t shelved. But as we’re still in the early phase of G5 fics, and I want to end this blog on a more positive note, I thought I’d share my preferred fics. So, here, without comment, are all the rated-but-not-reviewed G5 fics that made it into my top three ratings, ordered by the sequence in which I read them:
Pretty Good:
This Is How A Unicorn Thinks by Casketbase77
Pegasisters by The 24th Pegasus
The Queenly Mask by spookyalice
Twilight Sparkle's Majesty* by Apple Bottoms
The Book of the Arrival by Tunneling Carp
The Once and Future Nuisance by FanOfMostEverything
This Is How A Unicorn Talks by Pineta
What Do Pegasi Even Like? by ArDee
* Technically a G1/G4 fic that includes a timeline diversion to G5.
Really Good:
The View from Above by Jeevesie
Finding a Haven by SockPuppet
Late Delivery by WaywardSon
Excellent:
A Little Bittle Of Sunshine by River Road
My life for more Haven stories.
Well, this was a pleasant surprise. I hope it is not too self-indulgent for me to say that whenever my little fairy tale gets noticed and reviewed positively, it makes me feel all warm inside for having delivered something I'm truly proud of.
I'd like to respond to a few of your comments, as I think they enable a greater discussion about the story and why, it seems, to have worked as well as it did.
Your observation about this being a G4-> G5 connection story is well-met, and I think your expression of concern regarding that concept is well-warranted. I, too, was concerned when I started writing it, as I wasn't sure if it would be wholly justified. The chances of the show either rendering the thing itself non-canonical or otherwise refusing to delve too deep into that connection are high enough, so I know that in time, my take may be rendered null and voice. But as you point out, a story that explores that gap between the two eras has the benefit of having that gap to explore, thus enabling a certain degree of freedom and longevity--at least, for the time being.
I believe that the story did this through its focus on characterization more than lore. That was both intentional... and, I will also admit, a product of my own strengths and weaknesses. I'm not a world-builder. I never was one, and likely never will be. For as much as I was intrigued by the prospect of building out a little "canonicity" of my own regarding G5 and those figurines, I was less concerned with getting the history right and more with making sure that the conduit for that history--the characters--were true and well-rendered.
Some readers, I think, might be put off by that, as while the story presents a suitable explanation for how those figurines came to be, it does not really associate them with the wider world of G5. That was deliberate on my part, as I didn't want to go too far into that territory--I didn't think it conducive to the story, nor did I think I was fully capable of it. Effectively, the only world I wanted to build was a miniature one, one that could be found in someplace as small and as humble as a toymaker's shop.
I'm glad to see that my choice in style was accepted quite happily. I don't usually write in first-person, but this story seemed to demand that I do so. I think that's because, more than anything, this is Maple's story - both literally and figuratively. I hope this doesn't sound mad or crazy, but when I began to draft the story, it really felt that Maple was telling me the story, and I was simply recording her words and her voice, more than me writing the story myself. I'm a big proponent of the power of narrative voice, and I think, by allowing voice to dictate the type of narration, I was able to accomplish a certain degree of authenticity. Indeed, when I look back on this story and read through some parts, I recognize very little of myself in its text. Someone else was talking, then - that someone else was, of course, Maple Craft.
Does the average reader take careful note of voice? To be honest, I'm not so sure. But I think the more important thing is making sure that whatever voice a story chooses, it's an effective one - and it seems that the one taken for The Parable was the best one I could have found.
Another thing that struck me from your review was your observation of the story's structural integrity, and how it seemed that the story was "fully finished before a single chapter [was] posted." That honestly really was the case, which is, as you say, rare, and rarer especially for me.
I began writing this story in November, and I began writing it in long-hand. This was in the middle of midterms, in the middle of my final semester at college, and in the middle of a bunch of other pressing concerns. The amount of time I would have devoted to finalizing it should have been lengthy even for its humble 20k-word length. Yet, I found that once I began writing it, there was no point where I became stuck. When I reached the end, it was with no real surprise or difficulty. I just knew how the story would begin, and how it would end, and why. More pressingly, after going through several revisions, I realized that the story's opening sentence was one of the few things I could not change - it seemed to be one of the integral parts that I knew had to be there from the very beginning.
I won't attribute this to supposed structural genius or anything that obtuse. But I do agree with the assessment of the story's structural integrity. In as much as it felt I was not writing the story so much as recording it for posterity, it also felt that I did not really have to do a whole lot of "fixing up," because the story was exactly as Maple told it to me - nuts and bolts and all. It was tightly woven from first word to last, in a way that feels almost like a unique high, and one that, as you say, is super rare.
And I am glad (hopefully this does not mark me as somewhat psychotic, lol) that you found the climax to be a tearjerker. While I expressed no difficulty in writing it, I did worry that readers would find its culmination to be somewhat cliche, if not underhanded. At the same time, I sort of "knew" that this was inevitable. If there was to be a happy ending, it would not involve her father.
In a way, her father knew he was fated to die. In Chapter One, he specifically mentions black or white sails, which is a reference to the myth of Theseus and how his father died after seeing black sails. Another line from Chapter Five reads, "How often do children think their parents immortal? Or unaging? Forever young? I wish I could say that and believe in it, too." Death coats the story in more ways than one, even as it's a story that celebrates life, new life, old life--but I guess that's to be expected. Life and death cannot be separated. They can only be accepted. Granted, these were things that came about from third and fourth draft edits, but I think that I recognized the only way to sell this, was to point a few arrows in its tragic direction. Perhaps we could all benefit from a few directions every now and then, if only to remind us that life, in all of its losses, is still a thing of triumph, and love.
My comment is probably super long, but that's because I found I had a lot I wanted to say, both about this story, and in response to your own review. I really do appreciate you having taken the time to read and provide a thoughtful response to it! I'll try and leave it at this:
I believe that the goal of storytelling is to tell a true and authentic experience accessible to all, for all, and that the best stories are, themselves, universal motifs in the ever-advancing history of literature and existence. I think The Parable of the Toymaker is my closest attempt to turning that literary philosophy into a reality, even if it is but a fairy tale--a tale about a pony named Argyle, who came to a toymaker and his daughter by sea, bringing with him his notes, his smile, and his impossible dream.
I'm literally my own worst enemy.
- finds a nice story
- reads first chapter
- excited by excellent story
- reads comments ...
I'm shooting myself in the foot.
Y’know, those two pics at the top remind me what amazing and consistent character animation was done for that movie! Just look at Sunny’s face: she is clearly right-
handhoof dominant. Her face-on expressions are always open on the right and slightly compressed on the left, giving a lively and realistic asymmetry to her facial acting. Damn, those guys were good! I hope we get lots more from them. And maybe the scripts will be good, too—It could happen.I have only read a few G5 fics, and have been pretty underwhelmed for the most part, so this is a very welcome post for me. The Parable of the Toymaker goes on my list! I skipped the author's comments above, but I might return to them after I read the story.
5648587
Never read the comments!
5648559
To my initial surprise, Queen Haven has been, thus far, by far the most consistent character in terms of likelihood of providing quality fics. Small sample size of just 28 fics she's tagged in, yes, but still! I first took note of this with two quality entries for her in the Imposing Sovereigns III contest some months back, and there's been a few more since.
I suppose the burdens of a royal leader, and being a mother to children like Zipp and Pipp, provides two obvious direction for development: pressures of a royal doing the wrong thing for the right reason, and being a parent through it all. And this fandom certainly had written on the pressures of being a royal! For over a decade at this point. It's a topic we love to write and to read.
Despite me generally not caring much for Zipp or Pipp, I am often intrigued by a Haven fic these days. You can certainly expect her to pop up in future reviews! And I really don't know why I read Slave to Desire in the first place, but it does show there's still low-quality stuff even with the most-consistently written character thus far.
Hey, I think this is the first time I've read one of the stories you're reviewing! Well, I haven't read all of it. As of the time I reviewed it myself, Jarvy Jared had only published 2 chapters, but I did really like those.
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I find it particularly interesting when a story works so much better if told a certain way. Most stories could be told as omniscient or limited, as past or present, and it wouldn't make much difference. in those cases, I go to past tense limited, as it's what most readers are comfortable with. But I like coming upon an idea that just wouldn't work very well in past tense, so you have to tell it in present, or the same thing between first and third person.
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I spent like 30 minutes last night trying to find a gif transitioning between those two facial poses. Obviously it was a bust, so I had to settle with static images, and in order to get the quote in the preview space, I had to push the 2nd image below the break. So it's not an impactful as it could have been here. Them's the breaks.
I see you too are a man of culture.
Or at least with the observant eye one gets from lots of first-hand experience in 3D CG character model experience. Probably both!
The character animation really just slaps in this flick, and this is coming from someone for whom most CG character animation (at least in the major Hollywood films) is often lacking. For instance, Disney's CG output almost never fails to dazzle as far as effects animation goes, but the character movement? Mostly meh (seriously guys, start 2D animation back up again, everyone wants it). And then this film comes along and every few minutes, you get a moment that makes me actively think "dang, that's some effective manipulation of the character rigs", whether it be for a laugh like this, or a more subtle emotional moment.
It helps, of course, that we're working with non-humans here, where you can go anti-realism to a degree and not have the hurdle of us humans (and ghosts
) picking out the smallest imperfections. It's no accident the best-animated characters in Disney's CG output are mostly the non-talking animals. Even if non-human animations tend to usually mean a more infantile tone in practice, there's a reason animation goes for that so much, and I've been especially distraught in the 2010s to see most CG animation default to humans as a result, where the quality bar is set much higher.
But enough of that. Great character animation that does what such stuff is supposed to do – show personality, whether that be Sunny being right-hoofed, or her level of resigned sass that pokes through at times.
Eh… you might be waiting a while. I was watching a video interview with the two directors (Robet Cullen and José Luis Ucha) and Animation Director Graham Gallagher for a Zoom event hosted by the Irish Film & Television Academy two months back. Lots of interesting info in there, but towards the end, when they were asked on Boulder Media's upcoming stuff, it was just a few tv shows. That, coupled with many of the staffs' online portfolios/resumes being updated with what they did after the flick, makes it clear Hasbro didn't have another feature film for Boulder to move the staff that they hired for this film onto. Thus, most of them left (some folded back into their TV division), as they were hardly going to work on TV pay for their skill level (most of them, anyway – for instance, the storyboarders largely had experience in Hollywood productions, stuff from Sony Animation, that kind of thing).
Basically, the CG division of Boulder disbanded. So it'll be at least four more years before we see them doing this again. Weirdly, the staff were scattered around the globe enough that even without lockdown, the film would have been largely produced remotely anyway. Just another fun fact. They had animated 6-8 minutes of the film when lockdown struck, another fact from the above interview.
Could be, could be, you never can tell.
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One in thirty-four odds?
Eh, could be worse! 
Me, I've largely shied away from reading incomplete stories now, as apart from anything else, it'll be much harder to do a review when the reading's been scattered across several months. Only fics I'm already reading as ther've updated still have this pleasure – everything else now waits in the backlog until it's done. Obviously it's a different story for you, what with the EqD pre-reading!
ah! :D I appreciate that little list at the end
Many thanks! Much appreciated.
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Not at all, I think most of us would feel that way! I know I would. And really, you should thank TCC56 and his Recommensday blogs – as I said in his edition a few months back, I'd noticed this fic, but passed on it at the time due to being incomplete, and likely wouldn't have remembered to return to it upon completion without his acclaim reminding me.
Not going to respond to all of what you said, but a few things worth replying to:
It's funny – I came into the fandom late enough (early 2018) that many, many fics I've read are non-canon due to later seasons, so I'm totally immune to that being a reading obstacle. But I still sympathise with it being a writing obstacle – even in the one G5 fic I wrote, I still subconsciously took steps to future-proof it against new canon developments. In any case, though the fact that the show almost certainly WON'T delve into the G4 connection, and especially the origin of those figurines, means I think your story actually won't be rendered non-canon. At least not harshly.
Absolutely the right call, and I say this as someghost with a marked preference for indulgent worldbuilding in his genre fiction. Characters are almost always our gatekeeper to a great world of fiction, and what you wanted to do with this piece was about what and how the characters' journeys and events (and, yes, tragedy) would make us feel. The worldbuilding was just a tool for that, and coupled with the 1st-person viewpoint, keeping it to a narrow-scope piece with just a few characters, with the glimpses of the wider world being just that, glimpses, fed into and enhanced the piece. Your miniature world crafted for this fable served its purpose, and then some.
Well, it's just like filmmaking technique – you notice when it's technically incompetent, but otherwise, you're not supposed to. But we sometimes do, for the effect it produces. Some of us, anyway – many viewers/readers don't, but if the voice is doing its job, they'll feel the desired effect. It's not their job to notice why it works, they only need to enjoy it however they want. In any case, you excelled here on that front.
It wasn't guesswork, ha, I did confirm this from checking your blogs. But I did also feel this from reading the fic, so the observation stuck.
It is nice to hear the character of Maple became so vivid for you in the writing process that it felt like she was telling you what to do, not the other way around. Always great when that sort of thing happens! Ditto for the story falling into place in ways you wouldn't have expected.
Few writers in any medium don't feel this impulse, you're fine. But you were right to be concerned over how readers would take the conclusion. Only by being your own worst critic could you push yourself.
Fairy tales and fables get banged up on easily, but they stick around for a reason – they strip something to its essence in a way that makes it all the more penetrating, when done right. Some heighten reality and are absurdist, sure, but many do still there to the principle you mention, when one actually examines them.
Oh, just so you know – the primary story of yours I'd read before was the recent one of Twilight's parents on a boat trip. So that was what I was primarily referring to with the "Jarvy Jared has written some good works before, but this is quite a few steps up" comment.
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I thought you might.
And not just because I (probably, can't 100% confirm) got The View From Above from your Fic Recs. I would, at the bare minimum, hope everybody gives the Excellent and Really Good fics there a read, and the Pretty Good ones that appeal to them.
Certainly, between them and the higher-rated fics that actually got reviewed today, I'm sure I've provided stuff that'll pop up intermittently in your Fic Recs for months to come! My
evilplan to influence the direction of other fics review blogs is working!5648619
That's particularly why I think voice - literally how a story sounds - is an underrated vital component of storytelling, that tends to go under the radar of a lot of new writers (sometimes even veteran ones, if I'm being honest). Famously, Gabriel Garcia Marquez said that he figured out the voice and therefore narrative style of One Hundred Years of Solitude through primarily recollecting how his grandmother used to tell him stories. One can hear how oral his novel sounds--it almost exists to be read aloud more than read in silence. Marquez also reportedly "heard" the first line to One Hundred Years of Solitude while driving with his family, heard exactly how it's read, and from then on knew the rest.
[It should therefore come as no surprise when I say, I'm a huuuuuuge fan of Marquez, and that this kind of methodology has influenced a lot of my stories. Like Marquez (but this is not to say I'm even remotely at his level), I "heard" the very first line of The Parable of the Toymaker, and just... knew the rest. :D]
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Yes, I remember seeing you there! I'm glad you remembered my story and gave it a chance, then.
No doubt I'll sound pedantic if I admit that sometimes I do wish more attention and acclaim - or more attention and derision, I suppose - were given to the voice of narratives. To be fair it is far easier to talk about plots and characters than the sound of text, and I know I don't always have a good reason for why a story is written the way it is, other than, "It just sounded like this to me." But I do think that a consideration for voice would benefit the writer who has only cared about the traditional components of character and plot. If nothing else, it'll teach what we generally call "style" more effectively than "style guides."
On A Riverboat To The Sea was, in many ways, the prototype to this story - even if it was completely different in scale and scope! I tend to think of my itinerary as a continuous progression of skill, whereby what worked in one story I see if I can apply in another, and what didn't work in one story, I seek to improve upon in another.
Though On a Riverboat and The Parable are fundamentally different stories on almost all levels, I think an argument can be made - one that I might even support - that the motifs of the former resonate more strongly in the latter, through the latter's stronger consideration of the former's inner message - the power and influence of history upon the personal, and the striking effect that momentous occasions have on the unsuspecting individual.
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Well, that's a damn shame. But yeah, one of the only good things about Covid is that it proved that world class animation could be done from home! They don't need to fly a whole crew to Dublin to get them to work together again.
EDIT: I JUST REALIZED I WAS TALKING TO TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE IN THIS COMMENT AS IF THEY WERE ONE PERSON LOL
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100 years of solitude? A fellow man of culture i see. I read that book senior year of high school like 3 years before I got into ponies and fucking loved it and retrospectively realized it was the start of my love of magic realism which flows through my love of shows like Pony and She-Ra and owl house and more
Anyway I kind of just skimmed all the comments and block itself because there's so many words and when I have no ADHD meds or methamphetamine in me it's hard to read this many words but maybe I'm just a more forgiving person than you but calling the G5 movie only decent felt like damning with faint praise to me. Like I wouldn't say it's a masterpiece but it feels close to me but then again I said the same thing about the G4 2017 movie and everyone apparently barely tolerates that and I'm like holy fuck this slaps lol so maybe I just have low standards
You pretty much hit the nail on the head. When I was writing this story, I thought I was writing it with the previous Bingo contest's word limit (around 12 or 13,000 words) and wrote accordingly. Unfortunately, by the time I realized it was 10,000 words, it was almost time to submit the story and I had to rush through the story deleting passages that ate up too much word space. It was really frustrating, as there was a lot of interesting elements that had to be cut in the name of limitations (i.e. the hippogriffs were seen coming to their senses, a more in-depth fight with the main villain, a deeper examination of Haven's final realization). This, plus the fact that I was cranking out the story fast, is probably what makes the ideas seem scattershot, as I was constantly changing things in the story up to its very uploading. I'd been in a writing funk for a while, so I was less focused on overall quality than just finally finishing something after so long not being productive.
As for the mean-spiritedness of the story, that comes mostly from the fact that I really don't care for Gen 5 as a whole. I felt the movie was pretty hamfisted with its message and was creatively bankrupt to lean on Gen 4's canon instead of just making up its own. Haven was the only character who I liked, so the story was essentially me writing a story where Haven rules and the rest of the world drools. The idea that Haven had to become the greatest pegasi specimen of all time was a riff on Doc Savage and his creed of honor, but twisted to represent somebody being the best just because the culture expected them to be. It was a deeply cynical perspective, and I personally think the story's biggest flaw is that it couldn't nail that consistent dark tone. This story taught me if you're going to go scorched earth on something you dislike, go all the way with it.
It's great to see some quality 5th gen stories getting some attention.
Just finished The Parable of the Toymaker and it was excellent in many regards. Hadn't heard of him before this, but I'll be following the author and reading more of his work. Thanks very much for the rec!
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[Ghost Mike's head inflates that little bit more.]
Turns out having a story rated Excellent gets people to prioritise checking it out quickly. Who knew?
But you're very welcome, buddy. Much as a writer gets all warm and fuzzy when people read and like his work, so too does a reviewer/recommender feel great when people really enjoy what they found thanks to him.
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Well, you're batting a thousand, so far!