he/they. Trying out writing for a bit
[New to writing, feel free to state your criticisms]
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You follow him, but you know nothing about him. A character with unknown motive, an unknown name, and an unknown origin.
He doesn't seek to make to make an impact, he doesn't seek a higher purpose, he just wishes to live the life he wants. That might change, but you'll have to find out. This is his story.
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It's understandable, don't worry, I like the type of narration
hey, saw the post in promotions.
I really like it, it made me anticipate the reveal
I would like to return and might recommend to others in my lil review series - details on my page - once the story's complete.
only slight thing for now - while I love the build up to the mystery character, the introduction of the Mane 6 is feeling a little flat. When I was reading, I was all:
"What is this colt gonna do?" "Which pony will he see first!?"
Then I hit this Flutters description, and that tension was released. Also, while we <3 her, we don't need description to relate to her. Also, the sweet but extraneous stuff with Skitter could have been tightened.
What do you think?
(edit minus my complete inability to stick to one tense :P )
Also, while writing that... so, your grammar is great in general, but dialogue is such a pain and was for me when I started, because it has weird grammar. You might want to check the writing guide. I am by no means a grammar person
but to illustrate:
edit argh it thought I was writing in code :P
11890825
Cool cool ty 🙏
11890995
Oh my lord thank you I've been having such trouble formatting proper dialogue TwT.
If you don't mind I would like some elaboration on the "tension" of Fluttershy's reveal. I was attempting to do a perspective switch to focus on her for a bit, and I'm not quite sure how well that decision went. Would you like me to just focus on Zetche?
11891743
oh, hey :) didn't see this in my alerts for some reason.
when I was reading through the first time, I did feel that the switch lost the momentum the story had, yes. I think a switch in style/perspective is fine, good even, but getting the reader quickly back to the events in the previous chapter would help to preserve that momentum.
11891785
Oooh alright I see what you mean! Tysm <333