Through The Galaxies

by FoolAmongTheStars

iii. Starlorn

Author's Note:

n. a sense of loneliness looking up at the night sky, feeling like a castaway marooned in the middle of the ocean, whose currents are steadily carrying off all other castaways—entire worlds and stars whose only remnant is a scrap of light they flung overboard centuries ago, a message in a bottle that’s only just now washing up on our shores.
_{From star, a luminous dot in the cloudless sky + -lorn, sorely missing. Pronounced “stahr-lawrn.”}

Some days she regretted listening to Sunburst, for the kitchen work was grueling.

The kitchen was always hot, muggy, and crowded, filled with angry creatures yelling at each other all day and night. She was assigned dishwashing duty and the tower of plates around her never shrunk no matter how hard and fast she scrubbed. The kitchen was run by a one-eyed griffon everyone called “Chief”, who was old, grouchy, and for some strange reason seemed to have a bone to pick with Starlight, maybe because she was new and always messing up. She couldn’t help it, the technology in this place was different than what she was used to. There seemed to be a button for everything and Starlight had the unfortunate talent of always picking the wrong one, causing more than one explosion, which was why she was relegated to doing dishes the old-fashioned way, the way she was used to.

The work was mind-numbing and exhausting, something she was grateful for at night since it guaranteed her a few hours of sleep before the nightmares took hold.

She shared a small two-bedroom apartment with Sunburst, Moondancer, and Shining Armor, in a city that was chaotic, ancient, and modern all at once. Contemporary architecture was built on top of ruins of ancient stone constructions, haphazardly and with little regard for beauty or safety, creating tight, narrow roads below that were always brimming with pedestrians no matter the time of day. The males shared a room while she ended up bunking with Moondancer, who only gave her the cold shoulder ever since Sunburst and Shining had hastily set up a bunk bed for them the night she arrived.

Starlight did her best to keep out of Moondancer’s way and be a good roommate, but her nightmares would make her scream and cry in the middle of the night, waking everyone along with her. But if they were annoyed with her, they never mentioned it. Shining would act like nothing was wrong, cracking jokes throughout the day to cheer her up, while Moondancer cooked meals for all of them without complaint. Starlight would laugh politely at his jokes, since most of them were very bad, and made sure to finish every meal Moondancer prepared, even if the food wasn’t very good, and gave her wicked stomach aches.

She couldn’t stop the nightmares, not without some serious and costly medication that Sunburst suggested she tried, so her solution was to wait for everyone to fall asleep, climb down off her bunk bed, and sneak out into the city. Sometimes she would wander all night, sometimes she would fall asleep in a park bench or a dark corner somewhere, where no one would care for a strange mare losing her mind in the streets.

It was a good solution until Sunburst found out.

He was there waiting for her when she exited her room, sitting alone on the ragged couch and dressed in a thick blue cloak despite being a humid night. Starlight sighed and headed for the door with him on her heels, but besides that, she didn’t protest or try to stop him like she did at first, she didn’t want to pick a fight tonight, in fact, she was glad for his company.

They went down a few flights of stairs—because the elevator had been broken for months and the landlord didn’t care to fix it—to the lobby and out into the street. When she got here she remembered thinking that there was some kind of party or festival going on, and when she asked Shining about it one day, he laughed.

“It’s always a party here at night,” he answered with a chuckle, “because the daily lives of some ponies are so dull it drives them insane.”

Her senses were immediately assaulted by the noise and the lights of the street. Rivers of creatures walked passed her, some in silence, but the majority were singing and dancing, laughing or crying, sometimes all at once, and if she didn’t have a specific destination in mind it would have been all too easy to be swept away by the crowd. They turned right and headed north, with the light of the neon signs and of the three moons shining down on them in between the narrow spaces between buildings.

Starlight stopped at a liquor store first and came out with enough cheap booze and snacks for two.

At Sunburst’s confused look, she said. “We need to talk.”

“About?”

“Everything.” She said and gestured towards the street with her head. “Let’s go to the park.”

She didn’t wait for his answer before she took off, confident that Sunburst would follow, which he did but not without dragging his mechanical hooves on the crack pavement.

The park was nothing more than a group of empty lots with half-finished constructions that were discarded long ago, taken over in part by the populace of this planet for recreational activities—some more wholesome than others—and the rest by nature. Starlight liked it because it was quiet, and the feeling of grass under hooves and the whisper of the trees in the wind soothed her, especially when she leaned against Sunburst’s shoulder to sleep.

They headed to an abandoned shed with a tree growing on its side like a tumor and went inside. The door had disintegrated decades ago, so they made do with a sheet of rusty metal, not that there was anything inside worth taking, just a couple of empty crates and a dirty carpet Starlight had dragged in for them to sit on. Sunburst pulled out a lamp and lit up the room with a push of a button while Starlight set up their midnight snack, placing the food and the drinks in the center of the worn-out rug.

Starlight took a big sip of her beer, grimacing at the taste, and waited for the alcohol to enter her veins to give her a false sense of courage before she spoke.

“Remember when Twilight told us about tree houses?”

Sunburst paused mid-chew and smiled. “Yeah, I think she said that tree houses were made on top of trees, not underneath them,” he gestured to the roots of the tree breaking through the walls, becoming one with the structure and eroding the concrete away. “Remember when we built one in the hangar?”

Starlight laughed. “I still don’t know how we managed to climb so high.”

“My mom was furious.”

“I thought my dad would have a stroke.”

“He nearly did when you slipped.”

“Oh, yeah, it would have been bad if you hadn’t caught me with your magic.” Starlight took a sip of her beer before mumbling quietly. “You saved my life twice already.”

“True, but who’s keeping score?” He chuckled when Starlight lightheartedly punched him on the shoulder, which emitted a hollow sound.

“Remember when we said we would build one when we find Equus?”

His smile faded and he looked away, but Starlight persisted. “Sunburst, what happened?”

She hated this, she never wanted to pry, not after everything he had done for her, but she was fed up by his aloofness and secrecy. She couldn’t stand it, especially coming from the only friend she had in this forsaken place, how could she depend on him when he kept so many secrets from her? The fear of truly trusting him kept her up at night just as badly as the nightmares did, the Stone of Harmony a heavy weight on her chest she couldn’t part with. Twilight had given it to her for a reason, she only wished she had more time to explain what the reason was, all she knew was that she had to keep it safe until she saw Twilight again and that she couldn’t stay on this planet forever.

It felt like eons had passed in silence, which ended when Sunburst mumbled. “They found the astrolabe.”

“A what?”

“An astrolabe, a star chart depicting an unknown galaxy, my parents believed that it was the galaxy where Equus is located, but before they could contact Twilight about their findings,” Sunburst sighed and took a swig of his drink. “We were attacked by slave traffickers.”

Starlight felt her heart sink to her stomach but kept quiet as he continued. “They took everything, even the astrolabe, but it wasn’t enough. They wanted me and Sunset as well, my parents tried to stop them, but they were outnumbered and outgunned…”

“Were they…?”

“Sunset wouldn’t let me see, all I heard was the shots.” His expression was stony and blank, but the hoof holding his drink was shaking. “We were sold to work in the mines of Ceres, digging up crystals to make more guns and lasers like the ones that killed my parents. We only lived there for a month before we were rescued by the Everfree Rebels, but I lost my leg as we escaped, if it weren’t for the rebels and Sunset I probably wouldn’t be here.”

“Just one leg?”

He gave her a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “How I lost the others is a story for another time.”

He tugged on his cloak, revealing his left back leg. The prosthetic went all the way to his hip, his cutie mark engraved in the metal where it once was on his skin, he pointed at the bottom of his hoof, where another symbol had been engraved: a cluster of swirling stars. “Professor Starswirl made this one and the first one, but he taught me how to make and repair them when I started to outgrow them and get into too many accidents. We lived with him and the rest of the Everfrees until we were old enough to decide what we wanted to do, Sunset wanted us to join them but I wanted to continue our parents' mission. We argued and went our separate ways.”

“That sounds like Sunset,” Starlight said with some fondness in her tone, Sunburst’s rebellious sister couldn’t stand injustice and called it out when she saw it, even back in the peaceful days when they all lived aboard the Ark. “Have you found anything, about Equus?”

“Not really,” he said with a sigh. “I’ve been looking for clues for nine years, all while trying to strike it out on my own—searching for a lost planet it’s not easy or cheap, you know.”

His somber look told her there was more to the story than he was sharing, and she wanted nothing more than to hear all he had to say, but she figured that it was enough for tonight. She moved closer to him until they sat side by side, and she put a foreleg around his withers to pull him into a hug.

“Thanks for telling me.”

He tensed for a moment, but relaxed, leaning into her. “I’m sorry, we should have talked sooner, but these past few weeks have been crazy.”

Starlight nodded. “Hey, when you get a new lead, would you take me with you? I want to help.”

“Sure,” he said, and this time his smile reached his eyes. “It would be nice to work with someone who understands.”

She wondered if it was Professor Starswirl or Sunburst who created his synthetic eye. In the low light, it looked almost natural, perfectly matching the dark aquamarine of his real eye and the soft way he looked at her. She never had the chance to look at it this closely, there was always something in the way, something to do, something to worry about, but none of that mattered now, not with him so close and caught under the gentle glow of his eyes. He leaned in slowly, hesitant, almost waiting for her to reject him. She proved him wrong by meeting him halfway. His lips were warm, soft, and a little chapped, and her heart did somersaults inside her rib cage, and she couldn't stop giggling, probably ruining the moment somewhat. He put his metallic hoof over her cheek and she winced at the cold metal over her warm—much too warm—skin.

He broke the kiss, looking startled. “I-I’m so sorry!”

“No! No, it’s okay!” Starlight reassured him before he could run away. “It was nice! I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“Ok,” he paused. “…just nice?”

“Nice enough to make me want to do it again.”

She couldn’t help it, his grin was so cute and goofy that she had to kiss it. Again and again, until they were both out of breath and red-faced. After a while, they broke apart but kept close by pressing their foreheads gently together, waiting for their hearts to settle.

“I need to step out for a bit.” She said after a few minutes of silence and stood up, heading for the door.

Sunburst watched her go with a gentle expression. “Sure, don’t take too long.”

The night air was several degrees cooler than inside the shed and she shivered as she went to a densely forest area to take care of business. She felt like gravity had released her, her body jittery with nervous energy that made her want to jump, dance, and run all at the same time. One of her oldest, dearest wishes had come true, even if it wasn’t exactly how she envisioned it, but if she learned anything from living here, it was that happiness was fleeting and that she had to savor the good times as they came because it was hard to tell when they would come back, if at all.

Even now she could feel it fading, the fire inside her turning to cinders as her mind cleared. Happiness was fleeting here in Trojan L5 and creatures would do anything for it, even taking it by force. Working in the kitchens she had witnessed such things, but what came to mind wasn’t the stealing and the fighting, it was something more intimate that was hidden behind sleazy smiles and fluttering eyelashes that culminated in muffled groans from inside the janitor’s closet. Her blood ran cold when she realized she might not be the only mare he kissed in that shed. Once he got what he wanted, would he go to his buddies later and brag all about it? How he seduce the little dishwasher mare with pretty lies? How easy it was because she was naive and stuck up and—?

Starlight shook her head. No, the Sunburst she knew was not like that…but that Sunburst had been a colt, the stallion waiting for her in the shed was a different pony. Even if he told her a little about what happened to him during all these years, who knows what else had changed, besides his exterior.

Once she did her business in the bushes, she marched back up the hill with determination. She would not get anywhere by ruminating on this, she had to talk to him and figure out where he stood. She only prayed for two things: to be smart enough to see through his lies, and for him to be kind enough to be honest with her.

A cloud passed and covered the three moons just as the shed came into view. She stopped when she saw a figure standing in the way, she thought it was Sunburst at first but the shape was wrong, they were too short to be him, their long mane and tail swaying in the breeze. The wind picked up and pulled the clouds away, letting the moonlight shine on the clearing.

“Moondancer?”

The mare didn’t answer, just watched as a pair of diamond dogs jumped from the shadows and took Starlight down before she could scream.