On the eve of the five-hundred-and-thirtieth year of Celestial Peace, a shocking accident befalls one of Equestria’s aviators during the Wonderbolts' performance at the Summer Sun Celebration.
Flaire d’Mare attempted to warn against the danger that caused the incident, and thus, she is commissioned to improve the safety of the Wonderbolts’ uniforms at the behest of their tenth leader: General Flash.
Assisted by the optimistic young aviator Fairy Flight, Flaire will do whatever she must to ensure a safer future for the Wonderbolts.
Even if that means confronting the inner wound of her long-endured grief.
Written as an entry into the Quills and Sofas 2024 Wonderbolts Sitewide Contest.
Cover art illustrated by me.
Chapters (9)
Really enjoying this so far! Really interesting premise.
Flaire d'Mare is a fascinating protagonist, don't think I've read anything quite like her and that's great! She's wonderfully brittle and from the crumbs we have so far, I'm finding myself eager to find out more about her backstory.
Following with interest!
Very impressive.
edit even though I was just randomly browsing, I liked this so much I wanted to do my smol review of it! It is smol and can't really do it justice, though.
REVIEW HERE
beautiful art and great writing - have your t-up
On a skim, the story direction could be a little clearer, but then it is only the first chap of a longer fic, so that's unsurprising.
I love it when people let horses horse in their stories
the phrase "whinnied a laugh" is interesting. Equivalent of "snorted a laugh" I guess. I am definitely stealing that
great phrase.
The adverb metaphoricaled me in the sternum.
I really love, love how you write things. I'm trying to learn to write in order to bring my old fanfics back to life in new way!
Flaire is really good character, her knowledge and wisdom but yet being somewhat flawed holds true to most of us!
Edit: Congratulations on making it into featured!
This is good! If the rest of the chapters are similar, this will go in my favorites. There is so much about this that I like. The premise. The characters. Flaire is awesome. She rivals Rarity. Maybe a follow up with Rarity reading about her? You have made fashion design interesting by illustrating how she takes into account anatomy. Fashion and the Wonderbolts can be glad she just didn't become a chiropractor instead of a designer. Fairy Flight is also a hoot and the fact she is "stretchy" and overcame it to become a Wonderbolt is also great. I hope she does get to lead the Wonderbolts eventually.
I'm stating to slowly question of what happened to Clarity. I await more upcoming chapters with baited breath.
I have a genuine question about these statements:
What does this mean? Like, I have heard about the trick where you can calculate how far away a lightning strike is if you see the flash and then count the seconds until you hear the thunder, but I was under the impression that the shorter the time between flash and thunder the closer it is.
But these sentences seem to imply the opposite? When you say that a storm is "moving in", doesn't that mean it is getting closer? And if it takes 30 or more seconds to hear a thunderclap, isn't that really far away? Why would you seek shelter specifically then?
Am I misreading this or is this concept just turned on its head in this story?
I'm in agreement with PopsicleTart on the thunderclap count confusion, but for all of that, it is a great way of framing your OC. The counting device, as well as Flaire's preoccupation with military practicalities, gives her a sense of tack, which in turn transfers to the opulent prose and careful pacing of the writing. Even with all the talk of confections and couture, this reads "black and white" to me, achieving its mood through the clarity of its facts. I also appreciate the setup between Flaire and General Flash, which is straight out of the golden age of Hollywood.
Looking forward to more.
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Thank you all! I'm glad you've been enjoying it so far. ♡
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The concept is indeed turned on its head in this opening scene — well noticed! The way you've described the trick for measuring the distance of a thunderstorm is correct, but Flaire has internalized a backwards version as a compulsory response that operates on her mind's own distressed internal logic. There is a bit of intentional ambiguity in those passages and more on this subject will appear in the coming chapters.
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You've given me such a glowing compliment with this, thank you so much! I really appreciate your keen analysis of the tone, too.
As an additional note, while Flaire may as well be an OC with what little we know of her in the show and supplemental material, she is actually a canon character! She, along with General Flash and Fairy Flight, are named in episode 21 of Season 4, "Testing, Testing 1,2,3." All three of them are as far into background character territory as you can get, and I was inspired to give her and these other notable figures of Wonderbolts history a bit of attention, as I don't believe I've ever seen anyone attempt to flesh them out.
I love how you give insights to your characters. You're doing very good at fleshing them out. In a way you remind me of Admiral Biscuit in your ability to do so. My guess on what's going on with Clarity. Clarity was Flaire's sib and something happened with lightening that either killed or disabled her so she couldn't fly again... Flaire wanted to become a doctor to help her, but couldn't take cutting up cadavers. Clarity eventually died of a broken heart because she couldn't fly again. Perhaps Fairy is Clarity reincarnated.
Just what I'm getting out of it. No matter if I'm right or wrong, I'm really enjoying this story.
Shit hits the fan in 3, 2, 1.
I meant to comment this on an earlier chapter, but the polyester pants are a terrible idea not justfor their propensity to build static, polyester is made of plastic and so when it combusts it doesn't burn, it melts. When it melts it will quite literally fuse to your skin. That wonderbolt was lucky he didn't need skin grafts over his entire back half.
Great story so far. Eager to see where it goes.
Oh, you cheeky bastard.
It IS turned on its head in this story, for an important narrative reason.
That is clever, making the reader question something that is off in the first chapter so that they keep reading to seek an answer.
I look forward to Flaire speaking her truth, and we will see if Flash will try and censor it.
Or if he even needs to. Public perception is hard to change, even when you have proof.
But I hope at least Fairy will listen. And that she will take the Wonderbolts one more step, into the future.
I'm glad that Flaire seems to be taking her stand!
If I've put things together, then it seems as though Clarity had some sort of epilepsy/adjacent condition. And the lightning effect the Wonderbolts performed maybe sent her into a fit that killed her.
An absolutely delightful tale. Thank you for sharing it.
Today I learned that horses have a sternomandibular muscle instead of a sternocleidomastoid. Not exactly the same function between humans and equines, but pretty close.
Neat.
Even though I was expecting something like this. It was a emotional kick in the gut. Very well written and an excellent chapter. I feel for all parties involved and morn Clarity's tragic death so young, as well as it's effect on Flaire who only wanted to do something wonderful for her sister.
I enjoyed this story and I'm glad you wrote it and I read it.
For some reason, Flaire strikes me as a physically fragile character. She is always surrounded by silks and chiffon and has been described in terms of confection desserts. Her storefront and her salon are gilded, almost incongruous to the action which is taking place within its view. And the cigarette, her favorite habit, always a symbol of physical indifference. Deep-chested General Flash forms a burly contrast. I admit, too, that the way she thinks and talks about anatomy being intrinsic to fashion has me imagining her in terms of bones and muscles.
One very minor critique I have is to be careful about giving your cast alliterative names.
Thank you for writing this wonderful story!