Well... almost nothing...
Pipp stood behind the teacher's desk in the new computer lab at the Maretime Bay Adult Education Center. Once the pony tribes ended their senseless isolation, one of the first things that came to light was this invention of the pegasi called the internet. The earth ponies and unicorns were intensely interested in having easy access to the collected knowledge of all ponykind. Between her role in reuniting the ponies and her social media presence, Pipp was offered the job of teaching the ponies about this life-changing invention, which she happily accepted.
"All right, everypony's here," said Pipp with a bright-eyed smile. "How about we start by going around the room and sharing what we're looking to get out of this class?"
"I'm looking forward to using the internet to explore pegasus and unicorn culture, and I've been thinking about setting up a website to show off what my father had discovered from ancient Equestria," replied Sunny.
"Mom says I need to learn about all this fancy pegasus technology so we can develop new stuff to sell now that the defense industry is dead," said Sprout.
"I bought one of those 3D printers, but then I found out that you need a computer to actually make things with it, " said Izzy.
"Well, thats... interesting!" Pipp turned towards the projector screen at the front of the room, which showed a computer desktop with the web browser open. "So, the basic idea here is, everything on the internet - every page, every image, every video - is defined by what's called a URL, or Uniform Resource Locator." She picked up a laser pointer and aimed it at the browser's address bar. "To get to a particular site, you can type in the URL in this area and press 'enter'. Or, if you don't know the URL, you can use a search engine. You type in a few words describing what you're looking for, and it will show a list of sites related to what you typed in. Today's browsers will automatically know whether you've typed in a URL or a search query." She turned back towards the class and gestured towards a computer near the teacher's desk, to which the projector was connected. "Would anypony like to try it?"
Sprout raised his hoof. "Mom was looking for aluminum tubes for something, but she's having trouble finding the right size tubes in Maretime Bay. Maybe I could use the internet to find somepony who sells them?"
"Sure!" replied Pipp. She set the projector to show the screen on the computer Sprout was sitting at. "Go ahead!"
Sprout searched for "8 inch tube". The search results showed plenty of metal shops, but scrolling down Sprout saw another result from a site called Ponyfans. Curious, he clicked on that one. He was greeted with a high-resolution close-up photo of some stallion's penis, surrounded with text bragging about its impressive size. "Eeewww, get it away!" he shouted, cringing and covering his eyes.
Pipp rushed to change the projector back to her computer. "Okay, maybe I should teach you about this button next." She pointed her laser pointer at the browser's "back" button. "Clicking this button will take you back to the last page you were on - nice if you click on something you didn't mean to. So, would somepony else like to give it a shot?"
Izzy raised her hoof. "I found this site with 3D printed things!"
"That sounds neat! What kind of things?"
"Let's see... there's this model labeled 'ponut', and this one called 'nipple stretcher', and this one called 'stroker robot', and - hey, they spelled 'flashlight' wrong!"
"Aaahhhh!" shouted Sprout.
"What is it? asked Pipp.
"I thought 'ponut' had something to do with donuts, so I put it in the search bar hoping to find some donut shops, but it turns out it means private parts!"
"Remember, you have the 'back' button," said Pipp in her best attempt at a calming voice.
"Hey, these are all pegasus private parts!" Posey complained. "Why aren't there any earth ponies in any of these sites?"
"Well, that's what this class is all about. Maretime Bay has just started getting internet service set up." Pipp replied. "Maybe once you've had some time to practice the basics, I could show you where you can learn how to make your own website for... stuff like that."
"And all these computers came from Zephyr Heights! What, are our computers not good enough for this 'internet' of yours?"
"I don't mean to offend anypony, but they kind of... well... aren't. Your personal computers might be able to handle very basic internet activity, but stuff like playing video requires a lot more processing power than they have."
"So all you pegasi have just been hoarding your fancy technology all this time?"
"To be fair, before Sunny came along, the earth ponies were under the impression that the pegasi were all out to swoop down and abduct their foals and all that nonsense. If we had tried offering you our technology, that probably would have just resulted in us getting shot at with sticky goo." Pipp struggled to remain professional.
"Oh... right." Posey shrank back into her seat, making a mental note to find somewhere to discreetly dispose of her Pega-Periscope Goggles. "Also, umm... Is this where winged dogs come from?"
"What's the name of the website you're looking at?"
"Let's see... Here it is, PreenHub."
"Then whatever it is you're looking at, I can confidently say that that is not where winged dogs come from!" Pipp groaned, then looked at the other students. "Has anypony found something that isn't pornographic?"
Sunny raised her hoof: "I just found this video titled 'A Celebration of Unity', and it features Queen Haven. How about that?"
"That sounds great! Go ahead and play it, please!" Pipp set the projector to Sunny's screen.
Sunny clicked the "play" button, and the class was treated to a video of Queen Haven having a threesome with Alphabittle and Hitch.
"Class dismissed!"
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Oh dear...Poor Pipp hahaha
It is nice that Pipp shows everypony, how the internet is really, really great. Maybe they could even sing a song about it by the end
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A fun little story
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i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/017/354/risitas.jpg
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It sounds like the classroom has a fast connection, so they don't have to wait.
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Which is essential while browsing, as there's always some new site.
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Be sure to keep track of time, otherwise you'll browse all day and night.
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This is a real danger, as thanks to their great setup, it's like you're surfing at the speed of light.
well that’s never a good start to anything!
aww that is very Izzy for somehow managing to do this
well we know where this is going
sigh, that is indeed what humans use pretty much any new technology for, those obsessed weirdos
aww poor Pipp
rip
oh so that’s how Hitch is in this!
well if ponies are like h*mans, this is, indeed, how all that would have turned out. thank you for writing!
And this is why the first part of any introductory Internet curriculum should be Safe Search. What it is, why it’s important, and why you should never turn it off. Really, Pipp, I expected better from you.
Thoroughly entertaining seeing the other tribes behold ponymade horrors beyond their comprehension. Thank you for it.
An oddball ghost happened across your fic and read it. Have a review!