f0st3r21
Joined 25th Apr, 2022 ·
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Well that is an intriguing start. A very nice way to introduce the story and your character I Bellevue.
No cake? I don't believe this pony is Celestia at all, she is Chrysalis in disguise!
Congrats on finally getting your story published!
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Thank you for the first post of my first story to be a Kind one!
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… I have a few jokes about cake planned later, but it might be a minute before I get to show this princess again.
Yeah. I was quite surprised. Was definitely expecting another rejection… feels heavy.
Great start can't wait for more
First before I read this, just gotta say.... def mega goated with the sauce on that cover art. 10/10
Caught a typo.
I need to lower the sun and raise the mood and then get to sleep.
moon
Looking forward to more.
Love to see more of this, interesting concept and love the intro chapter!
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Thank you.
Caught a grammar error.
Thanks for the chapter.
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I’ll get them one of these days.
Those sneaky sneakers keep surprising me with how they sneak by me.
Caught a typo.
It will be interesting to see how thing turn out for this pony.
I look forward to the next chapter.
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Thank you for enjoying so far.
i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/047/023/cover1.jpg
yeah, limiting infinitely is a bit of an oxymoron, but intrigued nonetheless about the conclusion. I liked the part about the soul. Certainly an interesting beginning, though I think this chapter would have been preferred that the previous, since this sets up the story, while the first was a bit of a confusing beginning.
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Possibly, I could have moved this as a flashback later? I have some planned later and am wary of diluting the tool. What can you do.
Yeah, I had trouble getting through the moderation. Not enough “named canon characters,” in this chapter.
I think I maybe did a C+ with the sci-fi.
Thank you for reading and commenting!!
And here I come in dirty boots to your comment section, do not be swayed too much by my words I want to mean well.
Why and how would any goverment in the world care about or notice a dumb shack falling apart in the middle of nowhere? Do you really need them to notice anything? If that has any purpose for plot reasons even if I don't like where it might be hinting please ignore that comment.
What about just the eight group? Their indetification method could be asking who are five and eight. Ponies do not know what "V" or "Ocho" is, the members only know. Speaking of 8 I wonder how will you handle as much as 8 OC's.
It is fine just make sure he does not stay like that forever.
Oh man I hope not all members of the eight end up being blabbering fools after paying the same price, it would be more interesting if each one of them paid it in most useful memories to them or memories that defined them the most. This could be the seal blue text is speaking about.
Instead of the eight teaming up in less than a week they could struggle for months or some years (less OC's for a moment and easier to handle plus potential to pull deus ex machina two or three times with one of the group breaking the seal) until they one by one or two at once slowly reform their group.
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No, it’s cool. I’m pretty sure I’ll make mistakes. This type of thing can be quite helpful. 👍
I would like to think a large enough tremor would warrant some kind of response even if it is a small one and in the middle of nowhere. An explosion to register on a seismograph isn’t small. Three didn’t take any half measures on that self-destruct device which might have brought more attention than less… I am still developing the investigation, so it might be a little while before it comes back up.
I shouldn’t give details on how they’ll show up… but they will show up in some manner.
Thank you for reading!!
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lol yeah, he’s definitely overstimulated! And has some attention issues.
The others all have unique problems of their own but not these same ones. They all have their own plot threads… Six’s situation makes me laugh more than it should…
The smart one is here. Will at least one of them - the enthusiast grow a pair and start doing something the moment they enter?
So far one was staring at the wall and the other was staring at the rope. Don't you think they could do little bit more within 3k words?
If you are going to make introduction for each of the Eight you could skip some of their extensive thinking in favor of showing them already within certain situation and add some snipets of thought here to show who they are.
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👍 Stuff will happen. I promise.
Next chapter, the colt rolled really high and really low on several encounters. 👍
Thank you for reading!
Well so far the quality is pretty nice regardless of schedule.
The image that this generates in my mind is quite comical, good humor.
Also, do you plan on introducing all 8 of the characters, or just focus on 1? I hope you just focus on 1, as doing all 8 will certainly be difficult. Looking forward to more!
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They will all show up in some form. The colt will have a few obstacles to overcome before he can search or leave clues.
Surviving as a youngster is a challenge.
Another banger chaptor
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Thank you for enjoying that foolish colt.
Language barrier will be an interesting challenge to overcome. Also, was that a stormlight archive reference that I spotted? Anyway, will certainly be intriguing to follow. How often do you plan on posting chapters?
My first thought going into the story was confusion, not because the writing was hard to understand or because I had a hard time following the plot, but more so because I had no reference point. It was unique, that what I read so far, and although there have been a few human-to-pony foal stories, this one's approach is different. I will definitely stay and see where it goes, simply because of the intrigue I am feeling towards it. As for the story itself, it takes its time, but it does not lag behind or rush, it cuts the fat and yet focuses on what is important, even if that thing is breathing.
I like it, it's not enough to form an actual opinion, but I will definitely stick around to find out. To that end, you have another reader, dear author.
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I look forward to it
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I have up to ch 13 written right now with another handful in drafts, but I discovered -to my delight- that some insightful comments can drastically affect future content. Next chapter will be a prime example of that. I’m hoping to try for Fridays until I get caught up.
I found if I cite every reference, the notes get annoyingly long, and it’s fun to see if any hidden ones get caught.
Language can make some fun slapstick and misunderstanding jokes, and it is a lesser used tool in fantasy. I hope I can use it without looking like too much of a dummy.
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I consider that high praise given the quality of some of the stories I’ve read on this site. (I would throw money at some of them just to keep going or get a conclusion.) Thank you very much!
I am finding this story quite nice and funny, cannot wait to see more and like how you included most babies/foals cannot understand people since they don't know how to really talk or such yet
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I’m glad you have enjoyed the silliness so far.
In the beginning, I had assumed that he was going to hide the fact that he had turned into an alicorn colt. Now I see or at less think I see, that he is younger then I had assumed. Possibly even closer to newborn foal. I wonder how this "milkmare" I going to handle random newborn alicorn.
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I hope she does well. I think she’ll provide some fun.
Thank you for your interest.
Are you going to do the Reflections arc. Because honestly that's my favorite.
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Like from the comics? If I do, it would have to be a little after certain… hmm…
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What does hmm mean? And yes I did mean the comic arc. Fiendship is Magic was also good.
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I don’t want to give anything away too soon. I’m also open to suggestions. I’ll definitely be looking into this one.
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Are you going to explore that nightmare spirit that was from another dimension that corrupted Luna.
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I’ve got to finish reading that part of the omnibus I have, but I totally plan to utilize the Nightmare. Deepening the character sounds tempting and neat. She’s got a hoof in several events I’ve already got going on.
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You can see the comics on YouTube.
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That’s awesome. I had no idea!
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Some are even voiced. I like hearing Rarity and Fluttershy simp over good king Sombra.
It's 4:47 in the morning I woke up my little sister and start this s*** out of my cats what the f*** can't stop laughing
Okaay. Gotta say I love the premise of this story. But the last part in this chapter was just "Weird kink but okay"
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👍
Mission Accomplished
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I can’t say for sure that the princess was being that way. I think she may have just been trolling her new assistant… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But thank you for enjoying the other parts!!
Interesting premise - enough to get on the Featured List. Into the "Read Later" pile you go.
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Well it was still funny just not what I was expecting when the title said cake joke. And to iterate everthing about this story was and is hilarious.
*won’t
I believe something should come after “the update” like here or ready, but I’m not sure if I’m wrong or not.
I just wanna say I actually really liked this chapter, despite it being a bit hard to follow along with at some points. Very interesting concept, though “The Math” definitely carried lol.
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Good catch. I’ll have to adjust those. Pretty sure it should be, “is the update ready.” I’m happy you’ve enjoyed it so far.
I would say *won’t but I’m honestly not sure if this is intentional or not.
*born
of them *as
Those are all of the mistakes I saw or noticed whilst reading this, either way I enjoyed this chapter/half chapter.