Sunset Shimmer was feeling very above it all when it came to life as a first year at Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry, not weighed down by the same concerns as the witches and wizards in training she was sharing classes and dorms with.
All around her at the dining hall table, students had their noses deep in books and notes, rolls of paper and bags with even more books in them.
Being above it all was good, because if she wasn’t, she would’ve started feeling very isolated by now.
She chomped down on another piece of toast before emptying her glass and refilling it, then emptying it once again. The orange juice was especially good this morning.
“Uuuuurgh!” Ron moaned loudly, as he let his book drop to the table, making the others around him look at him in annoyance.
But it was futile. Ron’s temporary surrender triggered the same reaction in everyone, and everyone gingerly put their books back into their bags and rested their chins in their hands. Even Hermione put her books down, though without the same exhausted expression.
“Don’t you need to study?” Harry asked Sunset, with just a hint of accusation.
“I’m memorizing,” she lied, and tapped the side of her head. “Can’t read all the time. You have to process it too.”
“That sounds good,” Seamus said, and grabbed a fistful of bacon.
In truth, Sunset was trying to deal with a problem that the school didn’t teach her to solve, and that was what she was going to do in less than three months.
“Where do you people live?” she asked the table in general.
Ron raised an eyebrow in her direction. “What do you mean?”
“Where do you live when you’re not attending Hogwarts?” Sunset asked.
“With my family?” he suggested.
“And where is that?” Sunset asked, with overdone patience.
Running out of way to deflect the question, Ron grunted slightly. “Devon,” he said, and noticed the expectant silence, and not just from Sunset. “My family has a house out in the country. Mind you, most wizard families live out in the country.”
“Country, eh?” Sunset said, to herself. “Like a manor?”
Ron looked offended for a moment, before noticing how genuine Sunset’s expression was. “Hrm, hardly. It’s a cottage we’ve built five more cottages on top of, and an attic. Thought you could ask your friend Malfoy that.”
Sunset wasn’t paying attention to the accusation in Ron’s voice, and caught him off-guard when she nodded in approval. “A tower, then? I’ve always said you can’t be a proper wizard without a tower.”
Unnoticed by Sunset, a look of surprised satisfaction slowly grew across Ron’s face.
The attention shifted clockwise towards Hermoine, who simply said, “We live just outside London, and we don’t have any towers, but then again, my parents are muggles.”
“But do you have any turrets?”
“Uhm, well, yeah... one,” she admitted.
“That counts, in a pinch.”
“Why? Do you live in a place with a bunch of towers?” Ron asked.
“There were a few around,” Sunset said.
Which was true in a sense, Canterlot Castle, and the city as a whole, largely consisted of towers- square, round, thick, thin, tall, and taller.
“That makes sense when you think of the muggles I live with, they hate magic, and there are no turrets in their house,” Harry said, and turned to Ron and Hermione and mumbled, “I’d like to know if living in a tower would make my cousin healthier or just always tired.”
Sunset remembered Harry mentioning that before, but hadn’t felt comfortable pressing him on the subject. “Why do they hate magic?”
“They hate anything that isn’t normal. Normal to them that is. They want to seem as normal as possible.”
“Yeah? Where does one live to seem as normal as possible?”
“A suburb in Surrey.”
Sunset was mentally cataloging all the options for residence as her classmates listed off where they lived. Neville, as Sunset pretty much knew already, lived with his grandmother in an old wizarding house, though not an overly distinguished one, as old wizarding houses were quite common. Lavender and Parvati similarly lived in not-quite-as-old wizarding houses, Seamus lived in a muggle village in Ireland, and Dean in Manchester.
“Well, what about you?” Ron asked.
“Oh, London,” Sunset said, airily, being the closest to the truth with her having lived there for a few days.
Not that she was worried about it, but Sunset still had to solve the problem of being, frankly, homeless.
There were many solutions though. For example, with a little work, she could compress soil and do some magical chemistry to create an underground house just about anywhere, but something told her that the best approach was to try and live as normal as possible during the summer.
When breakfast was over, they made their way to Flitwick's classroom, and all of Sunset’s classmates, except Hermoine, were becoming so spent from all the studying in general, that they struggled with basic housekeeping spells.
This obviously followed a pattern that Flitwick was used to, because he patiently kept trying to jam the information into the overstuffed brains of the students.
“Come now, keep stirring,” he said, as the class, chins in hands and eyes drooping, waved their wands to manipulate a dozen rags to clean the blackboard. “Weasley, Finnigan, you’re trying to move the same rag.”
Ron and Seamus jolted to attention, making the rag in question tear in two.
And so it went, the days rolled on sluggishly, on from the winter and its cozy snow, and firmly into the season of rain and grey skies. Regions where the weather is left unattended could result in some long and mediocre springs, and that was definitely the case here.
Sunset had adjusted the spells she coated her clothes in accordingly to account for the moisture in the air, so that she stayed warm and dry, but she still missed living in a place with a dedicated weather team keeping things tidy so she didn’t have to teleport out to catch some rays the few times she could.
It sounds like you are keeping busy, but how do you actually feel?
While everyone else was down in the common room or library, studying, Sunset was sitting in her bed with her book propped up against her knees.
She poked her lower lip with her pen.
Fine, I guess, but also
I don’t know. Not fine.
Because fine is not good enough?
Sunset’s mouth fell open slightly from that, before sighing and slumping a little.
Even when on another plane of existence, Celestia could, appropriately enough, read her like a book.
No.
You’ve always wanted so very much, Sunset. That’s one of the things that makes you you.
Sunset almost shied away from the text, even though she could feel the gentleness of Celestia’s tone through her words.
That sounds
I don’t know
it sounds bad. It sounds like a flaw.
It can be, but so can most traits. The loyal and the generous can dedicate themselves to unworthy causes, the honest can be cruel, the kind can be smothering. You know this.
And what about me?
We must all be vigilant against that which prevents us from turning into our better selves, whether from without, or within. When one has powers such as yours, one must be more sagacious than most, my little Sunset.
Sunset considered the conflicts in school she had managed to stay out of.
I think I’m doing well enough. Some of the students here really dislike each other. I’ve stayed out of it.
That is good, but remember that so many words of wisdom conflict for a reason. Words of peace might lose their meaning when swords are drawn, but few have been saved by apathy.
Sunset rolled over in frustration, and lay her book in front of her, and scribbled in lazy frustration.
I wish I could just get it over with.
Celestia seemed almost amused.
No you don’t. You like challenges.
Yeah I do, but
Sunset paused, and looked up into the bed canopy, searching for words.
You wish you could know if you’ll succeed, when all is said and done.
Yes
So do we all, but the future cannot be truly known. What we can do is hone our wisdom and skill, and use it the best way possible, and that is true for everything. From the smallest task to when the fate of the world rests on your withers.
Sunset knew what Celestia was talking about. In her extensive research, she had found hints of a great darkness coming to Equestria, which Celestia had defeated once before, but never spoken to anyone about.
Sunset knew that if she became an alicorn, she’d have to face this darkness as well.
She didn’t have her research notes, but her best estimates gave them around 307 years before the darkness returned.
And now, I have a great test for you, Sunset. One I am not sure you will appreciate.
This piqued her interest. What test could Celestia have for her when she was on another plane of existence?
Alright? What is it
The book was still for several moments, before it finally reacted.
I have a new student.
Sunset’s mind… went blank.
Celestia could take on another student if she wished. Of course Celestia would take on another student, but that didn’t mean that she was throwing Sunset away. But it did mean that she was throwing Sunset away. Celestia was betraying her. But she had already thrown Sunset away in favor of that pink, girly monster. But she hadn’t- Celestia had said that she loved Sunset. Celestia saying that she loved Sunset conveniently placated her, it was a distraction, a way of shutting her up. Sunset didn’t care. Sunset was furious. Sunset was disappointed. Sunset would weather this with dignity. Sunset would prove her sagaciousness by being understanding. Sunset could take care of herself. Sunset would slam the book shut and never open it again. Sunset would say that she understood and never contact Celestia again in the vain hope that she could somehow make her pain known.
Sunset felt all these options rush through her head all at once.
Sunset… was surprised by how none of them seemed to stick..
I see.
The book was still with apprehension for several moments.
Sunset? Are you still there?
Yes.
Are you angry with me? I understand if you are.
...
I don’t know.
Do you want to keep talking?
Sunset had to pause again before she could continue.
I don’t know that either.
If you don’t, I just want to say that this does not mean that I don’t love you, and it does not mean that I have given up on you, or that you are less deserving in any way, it simply means that I ran across another unicorn filly with great talent.
I know that.
Yes, but I want you to know that with your heart, not just your head.
Sunset struggled to keep her composure. Not outwardly, that was easy, but internally.
That can take much longer, I know.
And I know how frustrating it is to be probed about one’s feelings before coming to terms with them.
Sunset’s eyebrows knitted together slightly.
You don’t say?
What I am saying is that I understand if you would rather talk another time.
Sunset’s scoffed.
That sounds like a challenge.
I am just trying to be understanding, Sunset.
You’re also really irritating when you do this.
I know, and I am sorry.
Sunset’s expression eased, and she let out a sigh.
Yes. I would rather talk another time.
Take care, my little Sunset.
Sunset’s pen hovered over the page for a moment, before she decided to just close the book.
She stood up, and walked out of the dorm, doing her best to not draw attention to herself as she crossed the common room and walked out into the castle corridors. She wanted to try and clear her head with a walk, not talk with anyone.
When she was alone with her thoughts, her gait slowed down into a frustrated saunter.
A part of Sunset told her that Celestia had the right to take on new students. To hold that against her was stupid.
Another part told her that Celestia should’ve just left her at the orphanage if she was going to toss her aside that freely- she would’ve been better off on her own.
A middle part between those two suggested that what Sunset really wanted was just for Celestia to acknowledge that this would hurt Sunset’s feelings.
The angry part of Sunset sneered at that, saying that if she wanted to spare Sunset’s feelings, she shouldn’t have gotten a new student. Better yet, she shouldn’t have held Sunset back like she did.
But Celestia did acknowledge that Sunset would be hurt. Besides, it was Sunset who left.
Which just meant that Celestia knew that what she did would hurt Sunset, yet she did it anyway. It was also Celestia who took Sunset under her wing, making her emotionally dependent on her, which was why she was hurt.
The cold part of Sunset scoffed, and meant that it made no sense to both be sad about Celestia’s decision and feel that they would’ve been better off without ever having known her in the first place. Celestia hadn’t done anything wrong.
Which was all grand and noble, but didn’t stop it from hurting.
Sunset slumped with her shoulder against a wall, frustrated with herself, and wishing she could just get this over with already.
“Sunset?”
Sunset turned around to see Neville standing behind her, fidgeting.
“Hey, Neville”, she sighed. “What’s up?”
“Well, uhm, Madam Pomfrey said that you helped me up to the medical wing and I, uh, thought I should say thank you and then I… well uh… noticed you looking… sad.”
Sunset nodded along with Neville's stuttering presentation, and let out a bitter half-laugh.
“I guess,” she said, hanging her head slightly, and slumping back against the wall. “It’s stupid.”
“Why?”
Sunset raised her head again, and looked up into Neville’s round face, full of genuine concern.
“It just…”
But that was as far as she got before she had to stop and think about why it was stupid.
“I… it’s just not… it’s… I’m… I’m just jealous.”
Now it was Neville’s turn to struggle for words.
“Y-you? Wh… why would you be jealous?”
Sunset looked up at Neville, somehow not seeing that question coming, before laughing and shaking her head. “Yeah… why would I?” she asked herself.
Sunset had been so lost in thought, so uninterested in the world around her, that she managed to miss the smell of Argus Filch creeping up on them, and putting one hand on each of their shoulders and spinning them around, with some difficulty in Sunset's case, to face him, making Neville jump in alarm.
“What’re you two whisperin’ about then, eh?” he sneered.
But this time Sunset was not in the mood. She placed her hand on Neville’s shoulder, and used her frustrations and anger as a focus.
She scowled at him, locking eyes with him, and like the other times, she slipped out of his focus, and this time she took Neville with him.
Neville’s scared expression gradually made way to worry and uncertainty, as Filch demeanor changed from threatening, to unfocused but angry, to confused and annoyed, and finally to disoriented. He wordlessly let go of them, and slowly backed away, almost stumbling as he sauntered off, ignoring them completely.
Neville’s eyes followed him with worry and disbelief, before he turned to Sunset.
“What was that all about?”
She shrugged, casually. “Maybe he’s been drinking.”
That made sense to Neville, who nodded sagely.
“I’m hungry,” he said. “Are you?”
“... Yeah.”
When at the Gryffindor table, Sunset was resting her cheek on her fist while nibbling on a piece of toast.
“Do you… want to talk about it?” Neville ventured.
“No,” Sunset mumbled. “And I’m guessing you don’t actually wanna hear about it.”
Neville was quiet for a few more moments before speaking again. “Maybe you should write home?”
“I did write home.”
Neville immediately opened his mouth, but closed it again, understanding, at least a little more.
After a moment of uncertainty, Neville carefully said, “you… said your parents were gone, right?”
That got Sunset curious, and she lazily yanked her head in Neville’s direction, who recoiled a little until he noticed her expression.
“When did I say that?” she asked.
“In the… in Diagon Alley,” he said. “You know, when you were talking to my grandmother.”
Sunset thought back to that interesting time when she had just arrived in this world. “Oh yeah… I probably did.”
“So… who did you write to?”
Sunset didn’t smile, but something about this conversation at least wiped away some of the melancholy from her face.
“My teacher.”
Neville’s eyes did that search pattern thing that people sometimes do when processing new information. “Oh. So that’s why you’re so good at magic?”
Sunset shrugged and mumbled something non-committal.
Neville smiled in amusement, and Sunset realized that this was probably the first time she had ever seen him do so.
“But you are,” he insisted. “You’re probably even better than Hermoine.”
“Allow me some modesty,” Sunset said. “But… yes, she taught me magic, among other things. At least the magic I didn’t teach myself.”
“... Did you have a row?”
Sunset stared at the table for a few minutes, idly brushing off some crumbs down onto the floor.
“... Yeah.”
“And that’s why you’re sad?”
“Who says I’m sad?”
“Well, uhm… you’re… crying.”
This made Sunset look up. She brought a finger up to feel a wet stream on her cheek.
“Oh, great, have I been doing that for long?” Sunset muttered, and lazily grabbed a napkin and roughly wiped her face in it.
“Uh, no.”
Sunset looked up at the enchanted ceiling, a part of her curious why they magiced it to display the sky above instead of just making it transparent, before letting out a long sigh.
Neville was a scaredy cat, but something made him sit there and gently try and understand an aloof girl like herself, the demographic with possibly the highest chance of them all to abuse his concern, taking it and throwing it back into his face for some kind of twisted self-satisfaction.
She had to admire his guts at least.
“She wasn’t just my teacher, she was my mentor, my only real friend, and the closest thing I had to a parent, and now she has another student.”
Neville opened his mouth, then closed it again.
Sunset looked at him curiously, to see if he had more questions, but he just looked away. It seemed like his mouth would stay closed this time.
At least the conversation was distracting.
“And you lived with your grandmother, and you were shopping with her as well. Same deal as with Harry?” Sunset asked.
“No-yeah-uhm… well, no.”
He looked up at Sunset’s curious face, and she realized that this was not a happy topic.
“They… can’t take care of me,” he finally said, reluctantly.
Sunset turned back to her food. This would have to be enough on this topic for now.
“Hey,” she eventually said. “I’ve found some good spots to practice potions where no one notices. Wanna practice with me some time?”
A smile tugged at Neville’s mouth. “S-sure.”
—
Sunset entered the first year girls’ dormitory in Gryffindor tower again, and sat down on the bed, placing her book in her lap again.
She didn’t know whether she wanted Celestia to respond right away, or some other time, but she decided to write anyway.
What’s her name?
To her trepidation, the book lit up just seconds later.
Her name is Twilight.
Twilight Sparkle.
Tell me about her.
11079616
Very nice chapter, I think the short chapter did a good deal of character growth for Sunset,
In your mind do you think the Twilight most power spell would be levitation as seen in the Show & her counterpart in EG?
Also may I ask when the story line of Unicorn Blood that was found by McGonagall will come back?
Way I see it, a writer should never be afraid to break the plot if the situation demands it.
For one thing, Dumbledore and the staff know Sunset doesn't have a place to go to, so they're not likely to allow her to skip off on her lonesome. Depending on where she ends up spending the Summer, who she spends it with, could go to all sorts of interesting places.
11080193
How do you think the storyline of Sunset benign a Unicorn should be handled & what would the reactions of the rest of the staff?
Go Neville! The guy is in Griffindor for a reason, and here we're getting to see it early.
11080193
Sure, but if I derail the HP story this early, I have to come up with something to replace it later down the line, and that leads to less canon events for Sunset to interact with, which is one of the draws of a crossover, etc. So that's one of the reason it's taking a while to write this, every action, even a minor one, has the potential of cause a cascade of changes down the line in the canon story, and I wanna predict as many of them as possible.
If I can just keep it entertaining through year 1 and 2, I think I'll be on much safer ground in the future.
11080201
Yeah. Kind of a shame I can't have a big reveal that he really is one, but I guess its all fine.
11080192
Thank you.
It seems like Twilight's signature spells are really powerful levitation, and her teleporting, so yes, I can see that.
Sunset having unicorn blood will come up in the future, I'm thinking the end of year 2 at the latest.
11080206
Looking forward to seeing what you do with year 2, also as the story does on will Sunset's actions or presences cause ever greater changes in the timeline & if so how big of a change would you make?
11080208
*Holds hands apart* about... yay big?
11080209
Still looking forward to it, In some theory's and fanfics Sunburst is a younger or older brother to Sunset, what do you think could they be family or not, also do you think EG is cannon to the show?
As always, the way to make a power fantasy entertaining is to make it not a power fantasy.
11080210
I've seen one other story where Sunburst is Sunset's brother, and I have no preference on that. I think we see Sunburst's parents in the show though, which wouldn't mesh with this story as Sunset is an orphan, unless she's mistaken that they're dead. Discovering long-lost family members isn't something that stands out as particularly necessary for this story though, or something I particularly wanna write about. She might not have biological parents, but she has a parent figure she can have plenty of drama with.
As for whether EqG is canon, it is stated by the creators that it is not, which I assume is why none of the EqG media has any impact on FiM, which I think is a shame because it's some of the stronger material, especially for fanfiction.
11080211
Is that a comment in general or towards something specifically in this story?
11080216
In this chapter, Sunset's overpowered powers just plain don't come into it, except 1) to note that they're setting her apart, thus creating a conflict they can't help with 2) to prove useless in the problem of finding a home for the holidays, and 3) to hide from Filch, which is something everyone else can also do, except they have to start earlier than Sunset has to. Everything else in the chapter is work on conflicts that, again, can't be solved with big magic hammers. And that's why it's a good chapter. So yes, the comment is specifically about this chapter, but my bits are on it applying to the story as a whole in the end.
11080226
Ah. Well, there's no authority on the terminology, I don't think "power fantasy" is in the dictionary, which is why this can be difficult to communicate clearly about. I consider this story to be a power fantasy, because the protagonist is blatantly overpowered, and one of the great appeals I'm going for is how cool and/or interesting it would be to be overpowered, but also the bad and/or unexpected sides of it. A story where the overpowered character solves everything instantly and with little to no difficulty in a way that is boring? In those cases I think the term boring suffices.
Then again, I can see how most power fantasies are boring, to the point where it's assumed that they are all boring.
One hook you might be able to hang some plot a on, is the fact that Harry's Story is so centered on Harry that it is nearly blind to the rest of the non British Wizarding world. Yes, there are a handful of events that take place in eastern Europe ( the Giants mostly) but even the two other Wizarding schools mention have no meaningful affect to the plot.
So imagine that there is some other evil event brewing elsewhere like South America (rather than another Valdermort clone, something like muggle cult accidently raising a real daemon) none of the Hogswart cares because it's overseas but Sunset thinks it might be a creature from Equestria (Grogar?) and decides to summer there to investigate. No effect on the Harry plot but gives Sunset something to desk with over there summer.
It is remarkable how much there wasn't to the first harry potter book, although I feel like you've got a pretty decent conundrum in sunset needing someplace to live. Though I have doubts that Dumbledorf would just let her disappear without some sort of watching her all things considered.
I really liked the characters in this chapter too, Neville was great, good to see dialogue between sunset and celestia.
I also feel like Sunset is going to end up influencing the plot in some way regardless. After all, the 2nd book does contain a deadly snake nearly killing a bunch of people, I'd find it hard for sunset to avoid that all year. If anything I do imagine something will happen when it comes down to when Neville tries to stop the trio from going out like he does since that seems to be an avenue.
11080293
Yeah, that's why I wanna get past this. I especially wanna get to book 3, I feel that's when stuff starts getting interesting, but the summers could be fun as well.
But yeah, her presence is very much going to influence the plot, to the point where it might be described as going off the rails, just not yet. I even wanna keep her away from the final confrontation during the first year.
Glad you like it though, and that I managed to make it interesting regardless
11080276
Not to be dismissive, but it might be best if Sunset doesn't interact with the greater world. I've said this before, but to me, the whole premise of the Harry Potter books kinda falls apart if you take the wider world into consideration. Voldemort spent 12 years trying to take over the UK, possibly Ireland as well, and while it's strongly hinted that he was winning, it was obviously going really slow, so it doesn't seem like he was world-conqueror-material. So it's best if the British isles are the whole world in HP, and the rest of the world is quietly ignored. *Cough* Shouldn't be difficult for Brits *cough*
I'm planning on Sunset taking a limited look at muggle society during the summers.
Oof, good luck with figuring this one out. It's been a little while, but I've read them enough times that I'm pretty sure that it does improve later on, somewhat. Except for maybe the last book, which is heavily Harry-centric; but there's also a lot implied going on in the background that someone could probably work with it a little bit. (Though you're probably intending to take a lot of what's already there way off the rails, by that point, lol.) You can also maybe peruse a fan wiki and other fanfics for inspiration in regards to the goings on at Hogwarts outside of Harry and company.
11080307
Yeah, they totally get better around the middle, and spoilers, but: the stories of the later books, at least 7 and perhaps largely 6 as well, are pretty much not gonna happen.
Now, I haven't read much HP fanfiction. I've read one fic that I really like, Harry Potter and the Natural 20, and that one is so balls-to-the-wall that I'm not sure I can get inspiration from that one. Besides that, I haven't seen anything that's hooked me.
I know the trouble of not having the overpowered character not derail the story.
I have the idea of having Discord be sent to the Harry Potter universe. He looses his memories but not his chaotic power.
Then I realized that he would just completely destroy the plot of the Harry Potter books. So I haven’t wrote anything of the idea.
Now I think you are doing a great job with this project. Keep up the good work, I look forward to the adventure.
I can see how trying to avoid too much filler is a problem. I think the main thing you've got available, assuming you don't have other plans for it, is her interactions with the teachers, since the protagonists don't interact with them as adults much at this stage of the series. Sunset is both trying to hide her nature and the adults' angle on the main events makes more sense for her, as they're putting counter pressure on her by being suspicious and could feasibly avoid revealing so much that she interferes.
Sunset assuming she's on her own for the Summer makes sense for how she thinks, but Dumbledore knows she's got nowhere to go so it'd be a bit weird for the adults to just set her loose without complaint. She still looks like a young kid.
Fleshing out Neville's relationship was nice, though. You can see the hint that he's brave at times.
11080302
Totally agree that the setting is kind of flimsy if you look too hard. Voldemort is pumped up as megahitler but in the end he's kind of just a weird lich obsessed with the UK; they make so much of the horcruxes being a huge problem, but dying appeared to put him out of commission for around a decade. His power honestly felt mostly political; it didn't feel like he was invincible even if he was the best wizard.
It was absolutely delightful to see Sunset and Neville interact.
11080323
11080329
I think him supposedly being "best wizard" might be part of the problem. The early parts of the books made him out to be the whole deal, this impressive, powerful, cunning, learned, ruthless, and persuasive figure, but when he finally appeared and started trying to take over again, he was just Murderman in charge of a gang of other murdermen. Some wizard.
But yeah, interactions with the teachers is another thing I'm gonna do. I just have to be careful to parcel it out at the right pace, I don't wanna run through all the possible interactions too soon. The story is in a bit of a lean period right now, and things will be better in year 3, but I still have to save some character interactions to have then as well.
Dumbledore's plans for her during the summer is something that doesn't seem all that obvious to me. He could find her room and board, but it would be more appropriate if the authorities, that is the Ministry of Magic, got involved, and perhaps he can be persuaded to not draw their attention to her, since he doesn't seem to have a high opinion on the ministry as a whole.
Glad you liked the character interactions though
11080352
Thank you
11080321
I can totally see that, Discord was often too much even for a team of professional writers to handle.
Thank you. That's very nice to hear
You are correct in your points. Really giving Sunset her own friends like Longbottom is a good idea. The best time to really get her into the main Harry Potter plot is the third year. By that point the staff should know she is gifted and be making some things more difficult for her. It makes me wonder what extra classes she will be taking that year?
loved the new chapter!
Now this is just my two cents. But why do you HAVE to keep Sunset outta Harry and friends dealings with Voldy? Hell getting Voldy outta the way earlier could open more options for Sunset and her new friends (not that she'd admit to em being friends yet lol) to do
11080312
Ah, fair enough. Not everything's a winner; HP is a popular enough series, even now, that there's a lot of what you might call "shovelware" out there for it in the fanfiction department. I get most of my enjoyment out of HP crossovers, tho, like this one.
I suppose you could just trawl the wiki, maybe even shanghai tropes and scenarios from other popular (or less than popular) media for it. Inspiration can come from more than just the source material; you might need to take a bit of time to think about what it is you want to do or focus on, though, as well as the thoughts and behaviors of relevant characters throughout, as well as how Sunset would interpret them. She's perceptive, but even she can be wrong about things, and pretty spectacularly, too; I remember her clocking Professor McGonagall as a teacher who liked to be strict and stern for the sake of her students' suffering, when that couldn't be anything farther from the truth.
11080372
I'd say the obvious move is to arrange her staying with another student's family, but if he's still unsure of her safety then that makes less sense. Maybe he just dumps her on Hagrid?
And I think Rowling made a mistake by having the ultimate bad guy spell be "you die now", because it made wands into crummy guns in a lot of fights. The best wizards should be blowing up rooms and throwing towers at each other, summoning powerful minions... But no most fights are just shooting death lasers at each other. So it's hard to envision one wizard being so much more dangerous than the others because everyone shoots the death beams.
Well, for what it's worth, I enjoyed this chapter. Maybe in some other stories, character development in place of actual conflict gets old after a time, but in this, I never get tired of reading about Sunset interacting and learning about the HP world.
As for your conundrum, the easy answer there is to create your own plot/conflict that runs parallel to the main story.
For instance, Sunset's ultimate goal is to discover the way to ascension, to become an immortal alicorn. She's already said that's what she's going to do, after all.
So, she starts looking into what paths to eternal life exist in HP, and the first one she finds is.....the Philosopher's Stone. The second is the properties of Unicorn blood. Both of these put her in striking distance of the plot, and there could be some interminglement. Perhaps Sunset wants the stone sonshe can study and replicate it, and because of that, she breaks out of Hogwarts and tracks down Nicolas Flamel to ask him to teach her. Of course....she doesn't know the stone is at Hogwarts nor the close friendship Flamel has with Dumbledore. She learns, though! And is now faced with answering hard questions to the headmaster. Maybe her quest for immortality and incredible intelligence/ambition causes Dumbledore to make a few disturbing ties between her and a certain Dark Lord we all know....
Thus! She is made to go to detention with Harry and crew to find the dead unicorn.
There are so many unexplained mysteries in HP that you could expand on, such as the Veil of Death in the Department of Mysteries or the most powerful magic of all, according to Dumbledore, LOVE.
11080312
Harry Potter and the Natural 20 is amazing. That story took one look a canon, nodded its head, and chucked it straight out the window. I wish it'd get an update....
Things you could possibly build on, Sunset can become suspicious of Quirrel but can't openly move against him because she'd give herself away and possibly expose herself and lose any chance at a halfway normal life.
Discovering and befriending fluffy is an option. Not to mention fixing the locked door so that it will actually keep the First Years out.
Fixing the traps so that they are no longer so easy a Firsty can get through.
Also, keep in mind that this is your version of the story. You are not locked into Harry and Company defeating Voldy. No reason why Sunset can't do it. Maybe give Harry credit at the end.
"307 years"
How long did it take for Sunset to reach Hogwarts, exactly?
Well, she was off, just a little bit. Understandable given the lack of concrete information, but Twilight evidently would succeed where she failed, even if it wouldn't matter too much.
_______________________________________
I think I speak for pretty much everyone reading this, but, we're willing to wait. Waiting is probably the easiest thing to do in the world, if you have a distraction, of which there are many. So from this angle time would be the least critical component.
Of course, that also mean you have to spend more time doing it, and that's much harder. But so far I believe your effort was absolutely worth the result.
My, there's a lot of comments coming in as I'm writing this. Alright, here we go:
11080378
I'm thinking the same thing, perhaps even get the chance to have Sirius grow a little as a character?
Third year subjects? That's tricky: We only get to see the ones Harry is taking. I'm considering having Sunset look forward to Divination, because we barely see any of it in the show, but what we do see "works" so to speak, so she might be thinking that wizards really have something to offer in that regard. That would lead to her getting frustrated by what she does get, but that's the same joke that the books tells several times, so I haven't decided on that. Muggle studies; again, the purpose of Muggle Studies in the books is that it's a joke, that witches and wizards are really bad at understanding muggles and they're really behind the times, this time with the added difficulty of not having much canon to go on. I'm not sure what Arithmancy is, but I suspect Rowling could've benefitted from taking that course. What could be fun, and perhaps difficult, is to portray Sunset's presence leading to Hagrid being a much better teacher than he is in the books, and not getting as many blows to his confidence.
11080382
Thank you
As for whether I have to keep Sunset away from Harry's story at this stage, well, it's like Jack Sparrow says: It's about what I can do, and what I cannot do. Can I have Sunset accompany Harry & Friends on their adventures early on? Sure. Can I believably portray that in a way where Sunset doesn't solve most or all of the challenges right away? Probably not. Can I have her accompanying them early on without wasting the overarching story of the Harry Potter books? I doubt it.
11080397
Thank you, too
On your suggestions on what I could do: I do all of that. I... think we all do exactly that. We've all seen things that both work and don't work and learned from them. And yes, I have to take some time to think through what I need to do, which is what I was talking about when I mentioned the production triangle.
Now, on Harry Potter fanfiction: I haven't seen much I like, but I am in no way dismissing HP fanfics, I'm just saying that I haven't found much because I haven't looked much. Finding things you like is something of a skill and I haven't honed my ability to find HP fics I like. This means that I have less established, functional conventions to draw from, but if I think positive, that should mean that if I pull this story off, there's a big chance it's going to feel more original.
11080405
Oh I actually already have an idea I like for what she should be doing the summer between years one and two, I just gotta come up with a way for her to slip out of the adults' notice.
And you are totally correct on the death spell point. It made the ultimate combat spell a boring, medium-skill-level-requirement ray gun. Rowling takes something of a swing against video games in book four, I think it is, which is funny, because her actions scenes could really have benefitted from her playing some video games.
Okay, that's gonna have to be enough responses for one comment. I'll have to portion this up.
It's about time she started making (and interacting with) real friends. And from what I know of him, Neville is perfect for some side story action away from the main plot of Harry Potter you're trying to avoid. If they start hanging around together, Malfoy might think she's doing it to spite him after the scuffle last chapter.
As much as it pains me to suggest, since it'll most likely force you to resort to the hated method of trap of exposition, but maybe you could do a series of time skips if you're having so much trouble in book 1? Or, failing that, you could try the tested and approved method of crossover stories: escalate the stakes. For example: if Harry has a lightsaber, give Voldemort a Death Star.
Maybe Sunset comes across something that terrifies her into not accompanying them? Maybe Hagrid's three-headed dog provokes an instinctual and irrational terror in Sunset? Like it reminds of the dog that guards Tartarus, which in her terror causes her to jump to the conclusion that imprisonment and/or He'll is located down that trapdoor. Thus, she's incapacitated by her own fears and whatnot, meaning that although she's present, she's not operating at 100% or even at 75%!
Just an idea, from a suggestion. I still quite enjoyed this chapter since it had some positively GOLDEN character development moments!
11080419
That is the real issue isn’t it. We never see beyond the two classes Harry takes and we know that Divination was a joke class. With as studious as Sunset is and her now talking to Celestia I could see her taking Runes, Arithmanacy, and one other. You can make those two what ever you want by having Sunset ask some older students about them, like Percy. Then have her talk to Celestia and develop where you want to go from there. Really I would have her take Runes, Arithmancy, and Care of Magical Creatures. That way she has one class with Harry and you can have her interacting with other students more often. Plus that would have her in all of Harmonie’s classes after she drops the other two.
Some potentially fun interlude material could be Celestia telling Sunset what a disaster little Twilight is.
The comments! They're coming too fast! This is like when mlaabq was at its most popular! Oh don't stop though, I actually love it, I just need to get some pizza.
11080407
11080409
Thank you
I'm gonna say that character development doesn't get old as such, it's just that characters can only develop so much in a vacuum that sooner or later they're gonna repeat their character development, or just wallow in it
Well yes of course, that's exactly what I'm doing. It's just that this is neither harder nor easier than coming up with a wholly original story, or not have Sunset have her own story at all.
Dumbledore telling Sunset that love is the most powerful magic could lead to an amazing scene though, with her loudly groaning and going, "Uuurgh! Not this again!"
She's already had someone come and steal everyone's attention with the power of love once before, she's not gonna be happy if that happens again
Making her own philosopher's stone, or trying to, is interesting though. I hadn't considered that. Thank you
And yeah, Nat 20 is great
11080412
Oh I have another idea. Voldemort is Harry's enemy, but there are other things for her to do, things that could spice up the HP story quite a bit
11080413
It happened instantly, but her calculations for when Nightmare Moon returns is a little off.
11080416
Ah, yeah, you already said
Are you saying that Twilight finding out about Nightmare Moon didn't matter?
11080421
Yep, and the cast of characters will increase in year two with Ginny and Luna. Another pair that could come in handy for that purpose is Fred and George of course
11080441
I feel I'm pretty good with exposition though. I think it went pretty well in mlaabq. But yeah, perhaps some time skips are in order. We're nearing the end of book 1 anyway.
But something to consider is that the best reason Sunset has to not be involved in the story to stop Voldemort is that she has no reason to think he's still alive. The wizarding world believes he's dead and she has no reason to think he's not. Except perhaps that in Equestria, Dark Lords returns regularly, so at least she'll not have too much trouble accepting that part.
Also, yeah, powering up the bad guys is a good idea, but what if I were to skip vertical increase in threats, and instead make them horizontal? That's my plan so far
11080445
I've never been sure how runes are supposed to be magical though. I used to be able to read some futhark runes, it wasn't even all that hard.
I'm gonna see if I can find something on the subjects on wikis or in fanfics in time for when the third year rolls around.
11080448
Naaw, Twilight is a good girl
There are plenty of ideas to be had if you're creative enough. I know that in Scipio Smith's SAPR story, it merged the world of Remnant with the world of EQG. This chapter reminds me of a particular chapter in that story and Sunset's reaction was somewhat similar.
If nothing in this world is a challenge to Sunset, then make one. You can even make adjustments to the events of the MLP universe if you wanted.
I can only hope that I have inspired some ideas.
11080504
If I'm "creative enough", sure, can't argue with that
Haven't read SAPR though, I'm under the impression that it's based on RWBY, which I'm only familiar with by reputation. And there's plenty of stuff that's a challenge to Sunset, just not in a martial sense, and not-martial challenges is what I'm more comfortable writing.
I have plenty of ideas though, it's just that most of them are for the middle books, and I need to get to those without pre-emptively ruining the story
11080460
I assumed you were going that way with her need for potions practice and interest in immortality. And I thought it was hinted as a possibility earlier in the story. I don't know. The possibilities are endless, you just have to find the ones that work and tickle your fancy.
11080534
Her first year I can imagine her biggest challenge is learning how to make friends.
One idea I had for Sunset to do. Is she could research why Muggle technology doesn’t work in Hogwarts.
I had the idea that strong magical areas affect technology much like an EMP. Basically magic fries the wires.
11080545
Well, she is currently focused on another path to immortality, and she doesn't even know what a philosopher's stone is
11080552
Yeah, and she's even only going to make partial progress during it.
11080556
Then non-electrical devices should work at Hogwarts. I haven't checked out much in the Harry Potter fan community, but I can imagine that HP fics with guns are generally frowned upon
Sunset will be looking into muggle stuff though, that's already decided
11080460
Oops. I thought I might, but I wasn't sure and it bears repeating. Maybe
And - yeah. It didn't really help her at all in the end. Or, rather, it helped by preventing her own meltdown; she expected something to happen, and so rallied quicker than she otherwise might. Instead of panic, she focused, and was able to utilise Pinkie's talents to point her the right way, accidentally though it might be.
You're doing a great job at writing it while not interfering with the book's story, and I'm still finding these parts of it entertaining. Keep up the awesome work!!!
11080597
Oh, no, I meant the response to the previous comment was something you just said, so I came off as a little repetitive. Oops
I guess so. I still feel it came together well enough in the episode though.
Thank you. The acknowledgement that writing can be hard is nice
11080598
Aaw, thank you, and I'll do my best
So Sunset knows about Twilight now? That's going to make her already delicate relationship with Celestia even more delicate.
11080631
In a sense, but she has a better chance to reconcile with her as things are now than in the movies
11080206 I think this showed it perfectly well. Sometimes heroism isn't bashing down the door and rescuing the prince/princess, sometimes it's just being there, offering an ear to listen or hand to hold when nobody else will. It is the quiet heroism of Samwise Gamgee, and altogether rarer (or at least less recorded) than the regular sort.
Just have her discover The Room of Requirement. She can do anything she wants in there. Even recreate Canterlot, and walk around it awhile. She can even live in there too. Just make sure she doesn't develop Barclay Syndrome, that's (holodeck addiction).
---
In the final episode of FiM, when Twilight sings "The Magic of Friendship Grows", Sunset is in the picture of ponies behind her. So, yes. EQG is indeed canon.