Como Salsa para los Tacos: Grace Manewitz
Admiral Biscuit
To humans, a brand headquarters ought to be a glistening tower of glass located in a major city. To ponies, an Antebellum house in Kentucky was a perfectly cromulent headquarters, and as such, Grace Manewitz didn’t find anything unusual about her new place of employment.
Yum! brand foods wanted corporate diversity, and hiring a pony as an executive secretary was diversity. In time, perhaps, she could get promoted, theoretically even rising to the top leadership position like David Gibbs had.
Grace had no intention of rising through the ranks. She’d gotten her job as a secretary to Jason Skala, Chief Operating Officer, and that was where she intended to stay for her tenure at Yum! foods.
She wasn’t familiar with Earth corporate culture, but was well aware that offices generally had a herd-like structure which ran on politics and gossip, and that was a game that she knew how to play. For the most part, it would be less competitive than the Manehattan fashion scene; all she had to do was be good at her job and keep her head down and not kick anybody unless they really deserved it.
Most of the rabble didn’t aspire to the job of executive secretary to the COO, which put her a hoof up on her first day, especially as an outside hire. Most of the rabble weren’t smart when it came to clawing up the corporate ladder; in a week she’d have all sorts of insider knowledge.
She’d wanted to get in as Julie Masino’s secretary, but there weren't any openings in that office. Not yet, anyway; if she played her cards just right, she might manage to wrangle a lateral promotion.
Just the same, she wasn’t a pony who would look a gift horse in the mouth.
•••
Humans had keyboards which had over a hundred buttons, humans had programs for spreadsheets and computer letters and such, humans had complicated telephones and she’d studied them and mastered them. In the name of accessibility she got an Orbitouch keyboard and a touchscreen and a stylus, and by the end of the day she’d mastered all three, and learned lots of gossip ‘for her ears only’ about the other staff in the office. For the most part, that wasn’t what she wanted to learn, but she nodded her head at the right times. Keeping a boss happy was an art form. So was keeping a client happy, but for now that wasn’t exactly her job.
As the secretary to the COO, there wasn’t much she was barred from knowing. Information was filed away, stored for later. On the outside, she was the very picture of an efficient and thoughtful secretary. She got to know the team who worked in their department and praised their good work when the COO didn’t. On another hoof, she covered for him when his three martini lunch turned into four then five then the rest of the day off.
Two weeks in, she had enough of a grasp of the job that she could start to ask questions without it raising an eyebrow, most often when she was entering data into spreadsheets. “Hey, Jason, what’s this Star of the West Milling?”
“Oh,” he replied absently, “That’s where we get flour.”
“Flour.” She made a mental note—that was a subject to be revisited. “For tortillas?”
“Yup.”
Discounting his ‘working lunches,’ he had a complicated schedule, and she had to juggle what meetings were mandatory, which were good for climbing the corporate ladder, and which should be ignored. With or without a good excuse; it depended on the situation. Golf games were also ‘meetings,’ and she shut down anybody who thought otherwise.
“He’s in a meeting, huh?”
“Yes, sir. Mr. Skala is in a meeting at the moment.”
“He’s not on the links?”
Grace didn’t let her voice change, even though she knew full well he was. He’d even put on his silly golfing clothes before leaving for the day and instructing her to hold his calls. “Mr. Skala is in a private meeting at the moment. Is there something I can help you with?”
“Maybe.” She kept her ears perked, even though there was only the quiet hiss of an open line, and a very faint hum of background conversation. “Listen, you’ve got to keep this on the down-low, okay.”
“Of course, our conversation is confidential.” That wasn’t entirely true; obviously she’d give Jason highlights.
“You’ve heard about the latest cilantro issue?”
She hadn’t. “Go on.”
“It’s a supplier issue, Riverside County.”
Grace scribbled that on a notepad. “Send me an e-mail, and I’ll get it sorted.”
“Probably minor, not on the scale of the Kenosha Beef recall. But there could be a contamination issue, and I thought he’d want to know before he had to do damage control.”
“Uh-huh.” She scribbled down ‘Kenosha Beef.’ “How many stores do you think it could affect?
“Couple dozen, maybe up to a hundred. Do you have access to shipment info?”
She did have access to that. It had been very useful already. “Yeah, give me a second. What am I looking for?”
He told her, and a few ergonomic keyboard slides later, she had the information he needed. “You ready for a list of store numbers?”
“Go ahead.”
Grace recited off the list, neatly dumping the problem back on his lap. It was still worth a note to the boss, and another note for herself, two more things for further investigation. Who and what was Kenosha Beef, and where exactly did the cilantros come from? She pushed her glasses up her nose and went to work on her computer—now she had a couple more suppliers’ names to explore and see what she could sniff out.
•••
She’d already learned that Taco Bell had its own headquarters in Irvine, California, while the Louisville office she was at housed the higher-ups for the parent company. She didn’t know if there were any other ponies actually working at Taco Bell’s headquarters, but figured that there probably were. Jason hadn’t mentioned it, anyway.
If Grace had been in charge of the operation, there would have been a pony in Irvine, ideally in a mid-level position that gave her access to large parts of the building.
She hadn’t expected to actually get to visit it, until Jason told her that he had several meetings he needed to attend there and he wanted her to fly out there with him.
•••
Yum! had a private jet, so instead of visiting Louisville International Airport again, she’d gotten to ride out to Bowman Field and got first-class treatment and a direct flight to John Wayne Airport, followed by an executive-car ride on Interstate 405 which was hardly enjoyable. She could have trotted along the highway faster than the car was moving.
From outside, the headquarters wasn’t that impressive. A low-slung building with lots of glass and neat rows of planters and strange white-trunked trees out front, it wasn’t nearly as appealing as her office in Louisville, except that it was bigger.
Inside was a different story. The front entrance was lit up with Taco Bell lavender lights, and inside there were signs that showed the restaurant’s timeline, along with other corporate memorabilia that she would have liked to get a better look at, but had to keep up with Jason.
The back conference room where they set up their temporary camp had a view of Interstate 5, which had the same slow-moving traffic as the 405, and the backside of a shopping mall on the other side of a dozen or so lanes of traffic.
“There’s an old airport on the other side of that mall,” Jason said. “They’re turning it into a park and subdivision now . . . I think it was the Marines. And just up the highway is Disneyland.”
“Really?”
“If you want, you can go—after our meetings, I’m gonna spend a day at Tustin Ranch and Strawberry Farms, and unless you want to go golfing . . . I’m sure we can arrange for a car to take you.”
“It’s tempting.” It really was. Keep your mind on the mission, Grace. “I think, though, if you don’t mind, my time might be better spent here. I can learn a lot by walking around and talking to people.”
“Keep thinking like that and you’ll have my job someday.” Jason chuckled. “Now, we’re going to be going over financials first, do you have the printouts?”
She did have the printouts. Stock prices and dividends and the end-of-quarter bonuses were completely boring, but too much of her job involved them.
•••
True to his word, after two days of meetings Jason went off golfing and gave her free rein of the headquarters. She’d already learned where most things were, but hadn’t had a chance to examine them to her satisfaction.
She started with the history, learning about Glen Bell and how he went from selling hot dogs to tacos, how he’d franchised the first restaurant in 1964 and only three years later had a hundred stores. Grace snickered when she found out that one of his early restaurant names had been Taco-Tia—that was a bit of information ponies didn’t know.
From there, Grace visited the social media room. Hundreds of people working at computers, with a big screen showing who was talking about Taco Bell and what they were saying.
More to her interest was the test kitchen, an auditorium-like space with rows of seating and a turned-around Taco Bell prep station. Chief Innovation Chef Matthews was working on double-stacked taco variations, and let her try one made with black beans and rice.
Further on, there was a row of numbered voting booths where people were encouraged to try new menu items. They would be slid through a slot in the wall; unfortunately for her, there weren’t any new items to try.
They also had a small gym with treadmills and just for fun she cantered on that for a few minutes, long enough to work out some of the stress but not long enough to start sweating. By the time she’d finished, she’d attracted a small audience.
For exercising properly, there was an open area just a short ways down the street with white-trunked trees tied to boxes she could gallop around in, and she could shower off in the hotel afterward. Sometimes she attracted an audience there, too, mostly construction workers.
At the end of the day, she took a brief pilgrimage to Taco Bell Numero Uno, which was on a trailer in the parking lot—one of the people in the social media room had told her about it, and how they’d helped save it when it was threatened with being demolished.
It didn’t look like much, certainly not what she associated Taco Bell with, but it was the same restaurant in the black-and-white photos on the timeline.
The Plot Thickens™
10427804
Also the nacho cheese, but it's supposed to.
I remember my time at Taco Bell, didn’t have a nice office job, but I do remember rocking beans.
Wait, I know exactly which Taco Bell HQ this is. I pass by it all the time. Pretty spot on with the details.
Wow, a keyboard actually useable by ponies
I have to appreciate how ponies have embraced the concept of cromulence.
Though that's an idiom that raises some questions.
Ah yes, the glamorous Princess Tacotia, alicorn of gas giants. Especially the methane layers.
This almost feels like a "competent changelings" story. The characters are slowly integrating and ingratiating themselves in another culture, waiting for the right moment to make off with their ill-gotten gains. Thankfully, this should end in legal action rather than an armed response or weaponized sunfire.
Me gustaría ver como reaccionan cuando se enteren que Taco Bell fracaso en México XD
So the ponies are committing Industrial espionage on a pretty major scale.
I can see multiple ways this ends poorly. from simple "sorry, we can no longer employ ponies, or even allow you on the premises because we cant trust you to not steal our IP/trade secrets." to a full-blown diplomatic incident since this seems to be state-sponsored and if it's not limited to Taco Bell. And of course the lawyers are going to have a field day, especially if pony-made knockoffs are a common thing (see all the problems we've had with China doing stuff like that).
still a cute story.
Irvine?
'Course not! She is a secretary, not a dentist!
Yus! Those things are quite fun to use and would be perfect for the modern pony.
10427804
Ponies are everywhere
10427832
It is indeed.
I wonder if Taco Bell gets their cheese in big cans like we did when I worked at mom & pop restaurant?
10427838
I’ve worked at a couple of fast-ish food joints (both independent, not corporate) and it was generally fun. At one job, I invented jalapeno milkshakes; sadly, the idea never took off. They were pretty good, though. Hot, then cold.
10428006
The one in Irvine or Louisville?
Either way, googling for the win Never been to either.
10428117
It’s probably not the only design that would work, but it’s the only modern one I’ve seen that’s hoof-friendly.
10428165
Ponies, like, know things.
derpicdn.net/img/2013/12/31/511041/large.jpg
It’s common knowledge. Although, yeah, what exactly is a gift horse to a pony.
Sun’s gotta run on something.
I haven’t consulted any lawyers, but my gut feeling is that depending on what, exactly, the ponies do with the knowledge they gain, there might be nothing Yum! brands can do to stop them. As far as I know, you can’t patent or trademark a food (generally), just the name. A process, maybe, but AFAIK Taco Bell doesn’t have any special processes.
Possibly they could even brand their stores as “Not a Taco Bell” and be legit.
10428297
Assuming Google Translate is on the ball (big assumption, I know), I’m not surprised that Taco Bell would have failed in Mexico. “It’s basically like your cuisine except it sucks” isn’t a good way to establish a brand.
10428306
In terms of one business, yes.
Historically, Taco Bell was based on Glen Bell committing small-scale industrial espionage, so there’s a history there.
In terms of the story, I think it likely falls into a grey area. The ponies are certainly more organized that some dude working/observing how another restaurant does it and taking those ideas and running with them, but--depending on what the ponies do with what they learn--it could fall in the category of ponies learning how industrial restaurants work, and copying the ideas for their own franchises (Culvers is another example of learning from established franchises, and then starting one of their own). The other end of the scale is knockoff Taco Bells using the same machines, ingredients, menu items, etc. And you’re right that China (and other countries) have a different approach to intellectual property than we do, and that can be problematic.
In the endgame, it could very well wind up as either a legal battle or a treaty bullet point, or it’s also possible that there would be space for both in the same market. And probably years of employment for lawyers and/or diplomats. (maybe that’s their actual endgame)
still a cute story.
10428532
Heh, oops.
10428756
I’ve never used or seen the real thing in action, but I have seen videos of them.
For better or worse, I stick with what I know, ‘cause decades of muscle-memory are not worth overcoming for me, but I can see the advantage to an orbitouch. [Also, as a side note, ‘what I know’ doesn’t include correct touch-typing; I can’t use a split-keyboard ‘cause I hit some keys with the wrong hand. I also typically only use ctrl, alt, and shift with the left hand, due to typewriter habits carrying over.]
10429012
Irvine
This one would have major trademark issues due to using "Taco Bell" in the name.
However, it shouldn't be too hard to come up with a unique "Taco X" name if you really wanted.
And i suppose they considered but rejected the idea of a franchising agreement?
So long as two people disagree on something, there will be employment opportunities for lawyers. Same for countries/diplomats.
10429120
"Taco Pony", maybe. Or "Tacos & Pottery" to go with Quills & Sofas and such.
10429027
Another bad way to establish a brand was when Chevy tried selling the Chevy Nova in Mexico, seemingly unaware that in Spanish, "Nova" means "won't go."
I absolutely love these Slice-of-Life stories of yours. You make the mundane fascinating and leave the reader wanting to know more about the characters.
That last was a major hint, btw. I want to know MOAR about these ponies!
The adorable espionage continues.
The gift horse idiom was used in canon (season 1 in a friendship lesson, I believe), so I'm okay with it.
10429215
“If you don’t want a burrito, could I interest you in a vase?”
10429302
Yeah . . . whenever possible, I try to get native speakers to make sure I’m not making a fool of myself in stories. You’d think that GM would have thought of that.
You’d think.
10429306
Thank you!
You will absolutely get another chapter with Chapulin, and probably another with Grace. That I promise.
10429997
As it should.
I didn’t know that, but that doesn’t surprise me.
10430384
Ah, makes sense; thanks. :)
Obviously.
I mean, who doesn't like to look at a cute pone running an treadmill?
derpicdn.net/img/view/2019/5/25/2048637.jpeg
Source.
(I wanted to post something animated, but didn't find anything fitting on short notice, so you are stuck with this one.)
10429997
10430375
Found it! See 0:34 for the quote.
10431443
Exactly!
IRL horses on treadmills are a thing, for various research purposes (and back in the day, for labor). So when Big Mac and RD were running on the treadmill to make apple cider, that’s historically accurate.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOTc35OrNgw
There’s a Pony Life clip of RD on a treadmill but it’s kinda horrifying.
Huzzah!
Grace (and other ponies on Earth who need to type a lot) should carry around a personal OrbiTouch keyboard in a suitcase or something so they can quickly plug it into the front USB port of any computer they need to enter text into.
10701737
I’ve still got an old Compaq Portable III (which was portable in the same way your microwave is portable; it can be carried by a human and works if plugged into a three-prong outlet), and it came with an embroidered carrying sack. [With a reinforced carrying strap, since it weighed 26 pounds.]
If Orbitouch is really on the ball, they’ll sell a slightly more expensive version of their keyboard complete with a keyboard saddlebag, tastefully styled for the professional pony. Optional magnets in the slidy bits so that ponies with ferrous shoes never miss a letter, wireless options (possibly with a thaumic receiver for charging on the go) for ponies who prefer dongles to cords, overlay cards with the Equestrian alphabet . . .
It was a running gag in Silver Glow’s Journal how much Camelbak could clean up on the pegasus market; Orbitouch is also perfectly positioned to make a killing when it comes to hoof-friendly keyboards.
Grace Manewitz absolutely seems like the type of pony who would count the keys to make sure she was correct in thinking that.
(I just just counted the number of keys on the one I'm using right now. 103. )
11434608
She would. And she probably detailed it in her notes back home, too, along with a diagram of the key arrangement.
The 'standard' full US keyboard is a 104- or 105-key [according to Wikipedia] (the one with the keyboard, the right column (with scroll lock, delete & insert keys, etc., and number pad). I just counted mine, and it also has only 103 keys. I might have miscounted, but I don't think I did.
According to my Amazon purchase history, the one I'm using right now is a 104 key, my Das Keyboard is 104, my Unicomp Model M is 103, and my pretty okay wireless is 104.