Lord Bearious, son of King Kronus and queen Gaia, had it all, before it was snapped away.
thanks to https://www.fimfiction.net/manage/messages/14501408/proofreader for editing the story
What is mob to a king, what is a king to a god, and what is a god to non believer?
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This reads more like a prologue then a one shot. I like it and look forward to what comes next.
9789322
It is a level one story of the villain team up I told you about
9789340
I'm aware. Was trying not to spoil it, but I think my critique still stands. This feels like the prologue to that story and maybe should be there. But I respect your creative decision and agency. I continue to look forward to what comes next. However you choose to present it, I am sure it will be enjoyable. I followed you for a reason after all.
9789351
And I can't wait for your story
This is one of my favorite out of your stories! (And I've read quite a few of them by now ) Some parts I noticed that I couldn't let go without fixing:
Perhaps consider changing it to: 'Why, is there someplace you and Star Swirl need to be?...'
Run on sentence! Might sound better like: 'Thousands of years ago, before Princess Celestia was even born, there was a prince. A young black alicorn with a fiery mane, named Bearious, son of King Kronus and Queen Gaia. The prince was kind-hearted and good to his ponies. He was one of the most powerful warriors anypony had ever seen, and a great wizard as well.'
Why did he say 'nervous'? Star Swirl asked if he was excited.
Please don't take these the wrong way; not trying to take over your story, just trying to help. This definitely gets a thumbs up from me, and an assured reread in the near future. Nice work!
Seems... oddly specific. Interesting story thus far. I'm interested to see where it leads.