After an almost fatal encounter with Ahuitzotl, Daring Do witnesses an ancient powerful weapon, the Pegasus Pendant, being taken before her own eyes by her cunning arch nemesis. With a new companion, Stellar Spike, at her side, Daring makes it her quest to retrieve the devastating weapon from Ahuitzotl before he can discover and unlock it's dreadful capabilities. But can Stell be trusted?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Much too fast, learn how to pace your story properly. I suggest finding an editor to bounce ideas off of, however the biggest suggestion I can give is to either read or watch any adventure story/film. The thing they excel in is build-up, there is always some sort of build-up to nearly everything! Plot, character, the artifact the character may be searching for and has a pacing between everything not just speedily rushing the story.
1136882
This is my first fanfic, so thanks for the tips!
1136967
No problem.
I like it so far. I hope another update comes soon. (You may want to check your spelling, I noticed one or two errors, but they were small and didn't detract from the story at all. I'm just being picky
)
The story is well crafted and I think that the speed of it accurately describes the situation. It moves faster during the physical activities (the climb and the chase) and it slows down as Daring Do does. The symbolism and use of language is rather effective and I could easily see this story appearing in the form of a GCSE creative writing assignment and getting a good grade (B/A).
1236712
Thanks dude