Alowicious "Owl" Nocturnus has always wanted to be a pilot in the Equestrian Mech Program. But after failing to qualify, he settles as a technician, helping to maintain the machines at their Canterlot base.
After he is accidentally run through a training simulation, however, the AI Twilight Sparkle selects him to be her pilot, sending him down a path he thought lost to him.
However, a dark force is rising in the nation of Griffonia. One which seeks vengeance for past wrongs. One which desires to see Canterlot, and all of Equestria, fall.
Despite still not having completed his training, Owl must lead a squad of fellow misfit pilots to take on Griffonia. But with a team consisting of a glory hog, a overcautious prodigy, an antisocial loner, a mute orphan, and a depressed alcoholic, the job might be harder than expected.
NOTE: The prologue consists of worldbuilding and a little bit of context, but otherwise has little to do with the main story. Characters within the prologue will not persist beyond it. Feel free to skip the prologue if you feel you can pick up the situation from context.
EDIT: Prologue removed since it sucked.
This is neat. I'm ready to read more of this world.
This is fantastic. I normally reserve these for longer stories as they are easier to analyze, but you deserve it, I think.
The prologue was perfect. It really set up the world and left me with enough questions to be interested. If I had not read the description, I would have been confused, but knowing who the main character was going to be cleared that up.
The first chapter humanized the protagonist, made him relatable, and set up our expectations for the future main characters, then ended with a perfect cliffhanger. You were able to get the really important exposition out of the way and then show that action was just around the corner. Very good.
And chapter two did not disappoint. It paid off that action, foreshadowed important upcoming events, and believably tied loose threads together that will undoubtedly be the beginning of the main plot later.
I have seen very few technical errors, which drastically improves reader experience.
I am not a mech guy. But with Gen:LOCK, my mind has been changed a bit in that regard, and I was primed for a good mech story.
I like it.
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Thanks for the comment! I'm honestly glad people are enjoying the story. I agree, the prologue could have been better/clearer, and I've been considering rewriting it, but that'll have to wait for another day.
As for the technical errors, printing off the chapter and reading it by hand helps!
Questions are being posed. The world is not slowing down for our protagonist. I look forward to meeting the rest of the cast.
If Owl and the rest of his team had voice actors, what would they sound like?
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Good question.
Well, Owl lacks confidence, and is really the main focus of the fic. A voice actor with a higher pitched voice that isn't too annoying would likely work well. Maybe Jay Baruchel?
Angel is a glory hog, and can come off as annoying due to his self-focused attitude. A voice that would likely work well for him is one that can be just a little grating on the nerves, though not overly so. I'm thinking Todd Haberkorn would work well.
For Tank, he's a big, strong dude. A deep voice would suit him well. But he can be a bit hesitant, so having it be a bit quiet or subdued would be nice. Perhaps someone like Patrick Seitz would work.
Next would be Winona. Hurt, depressed, and always drunk, but still a badass, so nothing too lilting or flowery. I'd think Colleen Clinkenbeard would be a good fit.
For Opal, she's antisocial. She has her strengths, but she rrely interacts with others. A subdued voice, but not a wilting one, would be nice. Ingrid Nilson would be my best guess.
Finally, Gummy. He doesn't talk, so...guess we don't need a voice actor!
Just my best guesses at good VA options! Thanks for commenting!
Ha ha ha. Some of these jokes just slay me.
For people wondering where the prologue went:
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/849250/steelborne-update-prologue-removal-and-new-schedule
Have review.
First impressions leave me really disappointed this got cancelled. It's a really good mech story so far!
Oh, I like this BOP character. Interesting touch, using the show's developers as characters like that. Never seen that before.
Well, that's a painful cliffhanger. It's too bad, I would've loved to see where this was going! Your take on the pets is fascinating, and I really like the mech theme you had going.