• Member Since 28th Oct, 2015
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Battlecat


Just a random guy who stumbled into a fictional universe that actually inspired him to write.

Sequels1

E

Twilight Sparkle has been lonely for a long time. Long before she moved to Ponyville she had discovered she was attracted to mares. The day she arrived in her new home, she laid eyes on the most gorgeous mare she had ever seen. A mare she was certain would never feel the same way about her. As time passed she fell deeper in love with Rarity even as she became more certain those feelings would never be requited by her friend.


Twilight x Rarity in case you hadn't guessed.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 25 )

Sequel please! :raritystarry::twilightblush:

7764828 - I'll have to mull it over for a bit but there are a couple possibilities. I'm glad you enjoyed the story! :twilightsmile:

It's always sad to see fics where twilight has such poor self confidence, to the point of self loathing. Humility is a fine line; go to far and you believe there's nothing worthwhile about yourself. Twitter needs a hug, and some therapy, the poor thing. Hopefully Rarity can help her get both. :raritywink::twilightsmile:

7765235 - It is indeed sad to see Twilight in this sort of state but I can see her falling in to this psychological trap. Especially if something bad happened to reinforce that belief before she moved to Ponyville. At this point, even if the romantic relationship didn't work out, Rarity wouldn't abandon Twilight.

Thank you for reading and the comment!

Really well done. I'm not partial to the ship, but has never stopped me from enjoying a really good fic such as this. If only I could give it two thumbs up! :rainbowlaugh:

7767871 Thank you very much! I also try to avoid judging the romance fics based on who it pairs up even though I do have some preferences. Presentation and characterization is far more important from my perspective.

7767937 exactly right now im trying to make the best possible one i can make with my current set of skills. I try to read to draw inspiration from talented writers as well as a means to improve my self. I feel like yours has help me. A little. :scootangel:

7768233 - Seems like a good idea! Take inspiration wherever you can find it!

Good luck!

It's a cute and pretty nice fic, and good for a first attempt!
If I have a comment, it's probably my personal preference: I didn't like a series of short sentences punctuated by periods. Like I said, this is a personal preference probably because it reminded me a lot of Enid Blyton, which really wasn't my fancy. This was a little more prominent in the first section of the story, before Rarity came in. After that, the dialogue was more fluid compared to the narrative.

So all in all, well done! I'm sure it's really good, just that some ridiculous personal preferences I had made me comment...Still, thumbs up and good luck with all the future endeavours!

7771745 Thank you!

You know, I hadn't even noticed the shorter sentences in the early part of the story until you pointed it out. To be honest, that's not actually my normal writing style so I must have been in a weird head-space when I wrote that part. I appreciate you pointing it out!

This was a nice short story! If short stories are a challenge for you, it certainly didn't show. It didn't feel rushed and it was overall satisfying.

I hope it works out for them. :heart:

Well done!

7779778: I'm very glad you enjoyed the story; thank you for letting me know! There might be a sequel in the future but it's not imminent.

So, is Rarity bi-curious? Or is she willing to overlook physical attraction to see if they can spark something together?

7800143 - It's mostly option number 2 at the moment. I've started a sequel so I'll probably delve into that a bit more.

7882180 Thank you very much! :twilightsmile:

Greetings,

You requested a review via the Reviewer's Cafe.

Here it is.

Cheers!!!

8252491Thank you very much for the review and your kind words! I'm glad you enjoyed the story so much even though it wasn't one of your preferred pairings!

8262953

It was an absolute pleasure. Both in the read and in the writing of the review. Thank you for writing such a fun little story!!

Absolutely beautiful!
A well considered romance very sensitively handled - a joy to read.
I hope their date goes well ...

8390879 I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was a joy to write this one.

Cute!
I'm much more of a Rarijack shipper, but I can't deny this ship is so nice.
I really like that you didn't have them start kissing and making out right at the end. I see so many fics do that and it often ends up feeling a bit rushed. Having these two characters have a slow build up, and a bit open-ended, fits so well.
And I'm such a sucker for cheek kisses :heart:

8525413 - Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it! :twilightsmile: Of all the short stories I've written, this is still my favorite.

Now if I could only sort out my writer's block on the sequel.

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