Just an ordinary writer that's all:)
Sunset Shimmer & Adagio Dazzle got married and a new change begins in the first chapter. The Mane 6 are really angry, but Sunset didn't cared about having a baby looking like Adagio Dazzle. Meanwhile, Sonata tell's Aria she's moving out to stay with Sunset and Adagio. Uh oh... this might not end well... or will it?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well, shit. I'm boned with a boner. You get a like!
I like the premise but you need to give it more meat. Until then, sorry.
The concept of the story is really interesting, but... it's just way too rushed. They want a baby, stuff happens, Aria and Sonata come by, stuff happens, the children are there, the end. I personally can't sympathize with any of the characters. What the story really needs is a bit more story around the dialogue. Also, you never explain how they got pregnant despite living with other women.
I really don't want to anger you in any way. The idea behind the story sounds amazing and it has a lot of potential. But it needs a bit more work to use this potential.
Something something spelling grammar
Feels A bit too Rushed and not enough Words, But besides That, The story idea is very good. Myabe an editor can help? I'll still give you an upvote.
6245200 They got pregnant well, you know how lesbians get pregnant? That's how they got pregnant. I also added Lamborghini Gallardo and Ferrari LaFerrari cause I LOVE those cars a lot! The reason why I rushed cause, I have to start school in a week and I need some sleep.
6245221 I promise I will add stuff to the story to make it more you know, interesting.
6245227 Thanks!
6245289
You mean... test-tube fertilization? Well, then the question should be: who's the father?
6245200 Thanks! I really need to work on my other story, Friendship Games. It's not real perfect. A lot of people hate Friendship Games.Well anyway, I'll pick up from the Bonus Chapter on the sequel. Well, I never been to the SDCC at all. I mean, from where I am, it's like 3 days from here.
6245300 Yep! Adagio's the father. Sunset's the mother. I really did this story at Orange Beach in Alabama.
6245001 Thanks!
6245300 Yeah!
6245295 You're welcome!
6245371 I'm going to post this on Equestria Daily ASAP!
This is a nice script, but you need more than dialogue to make it an interesting story.
6245391 Okay, the reason why I went to fast cause, I do FIMFiction like 1:00 AM- I don't know. I've been on my laptop so much that even Wizard 101 isn't running right on this computer. My computer is a HP Windows 8.1 and it's pink. I wish I could get the Equestria Girls App, but Hasbro put it on Apple. Why I'm not surprised that when you first use it'll crash. Apple got on my nerves that one time, I broke the screen cover a little by that was accidently. Now, I use a Windows Phone and Laptop! The MLP App will do better on laptop. Well anyway, I'll be busy tomorrow cause, I have to go to a Baby Shower.
It's a good premise, but it's rushed and rather strangely executed.
6245449 A lot of this stuff, I did at night. I properly was really tired, but somethings not making me going to sleep and I have to start school in one week! Last school year, when I woke up in class, they were being honest, I was snoring in the middle of a lesson!
6245500
Another tip: Sunset and Adagio would both be addressed as mothers, unless one is genderbent.
This is what I am... At times...
6245391 Thanks for the tip!
This shit is faster than sonic!
6254124 What is?
6254127 This story it is extremely fast I need more meat
6254124
Lol
6254143 I'm working on it today!
6260265 Im not saying bad tho its just short and Aria's death?
I'm sorry fine she is the bad guy but I thought she going to get revenge? then poof she dead...
I don't know it seems really really strange but twilight is fine...
Look just make more detail more story and I promise you people will thumbs up this straight away!
Cool?
6261141 Sure thing! Just leave some ideas in the comments and I'll get back to you!
6283847 Thanks! Even though Sunset and Sonata have different daughters, I would considered this photo to be Sunset's 2 daughters:
derpicdn.net/img/2014/12/19/788111/full.jpeg
I almost ship it now.
Didn't cared should be didn't care.
Tell's should be tells.
Haven't read, added to Read later but I saw that off the bat.
6369866 By that, what are you talking about?
6370124
Its in your description.
This story is really fast-paced, lacks narration, and has a lot of grammatical and spelling errors. I didn't enjoy it. I'm sorry.
A pill that'll make you pregnant?
... 
Patently absurd.
6370124 She's correcting your grammar.
6465792 Who is?
6465816 This girl: 6369866
6466161
6465816
Oh, yup!
6466606 Woah thank's for editing! I'm going to edit also right now but because of the Lunar Eclipse tonight, I hope that won't put out my internet. The next one will be in 2033! Who's going to see it then!?