She said, 'Honey, how do you dare to drift?
On an equatorial breeze?'
And I said, 'Darlin' it's never too late to gloat'
And you'll never keep afloat
On a dead lover's boat
If you refuse to plug the holes
If you refuse to plug the holes
Bard strummed the last few chords of his guitar and leaned back. He brushed his brown silky bangs aside and exhaled.
“Hmmmmmyeahhhhh...” His muzzle scrunched. “Granted, it could use a griffon harmonica solo somewhere roundabouts the middle, but—hey—beggars can't be choosers.” He winked across the office. “And this here Stronghold ain't no place for beggars, ya reckon?”
Echo groaned.
“Mr. Bard, in all seriousness,” Revan spoke in a gruff tone. “I would very much like to conclude our discussion on the business arrangements at hoof.” His brow furrowed. “Do we have an aggreement or not?”
“Erm... about what?”
“About my proposal!”
“What proposal?”
“About you joining the Syndicate!” Revan snarled. “And, if you must know, I'm appealing to your mercenary talents, not your gifts as a minstrel—” The room's foundations shook, and the stallion glanced once more towards the nearest walkway. “There it is again. By the Queen's Frost... what is that...?”
“Uhhhh...” Bard gulped, shuffling slightly. “Bad juju, if ya ask me.”
“Bad.... juju...?”
“And there's only one way to scare the bad luck away!”
“... ... ... a dagger to the throat?”
The Stronghold shook again.
“Uhhhh... soul-cleansin' music!” Bard strummed the guitar again. “And, wouldn't ya know it?! I feel another song comin' on!”
Echo groaned even louder.
“Mmmffnngh...” Revan facehoofed. “Mr. Bard, honestly—”
“Now y'all just sit down and relax!” Bard leaned forward, plucking away at the strings. “This here's an old gem from the eastern waters! It's been sung by just about everypony! Even Whinny Nelson sang it! Then again... hell... Whinny Nelson could sing anythang, eheheh...” He cleared his throat and warbled loudly: “Verlaxion river dun run dryyyyyyyyyy!”
Cl-Cl-Cl-Cl-Clink!
Using a metal talon, Wildcard scooped layer after layer of platinum bars into his bag. He cleared one shelf, then another. Within minutes, he had already filled one satchel, and he zipped open the second one to prepare for the next bounty.
“Good... super!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, squatting down to open her own loot bags. “We're making good time! Now, if we can just get out of here and zoom off to the escape route before anypony finds out what's going on in here—”
“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight's voice cracked.
“Shhh! Don't crowd me, ringo,” Rainbow said.
“Rainbow, look!” Twilight pointed past the mare's head.
“Nnngh...” Rainbow turned around. “What is it...?” Her eyes widened.
Rarity floated above a cluster of notebooks, paper sheets, and blueprints. “I think we've landed the jackpot, darling!” She pointed emphatically. “Take a look for yourself!”
While Wildcard fumbled to get his second bag filled, Rainbow Dash shuffled over to the shelf on the far side of the vault. Up close, she found layer after layer of documentation—all hoof-signed by Boss Revan and the other higher-ups of the Syndicate. There were sheets of paper outlining business operations—both clandestine and otherwise. She spotted supply lists detailing the shipment of explosive materials. Turning a few other sheets over, Rainbow Dash spotted lists of citizens' names, some of them scratched off in garish red ink. Then—last but not least—she found architectural blueprints of Rust, with various locations circled and labeled with descriptions of explosive ordinances. There was a common connection between each of the locations...
“These are the places that were bombed,” Rainbow Dash muttered. She turned the sheet over, squinting at unfilled circles and checkpoints. “And these must be the next spots on the list.”
“Look carefully,” Rarity said, pointing. “There're even notes that detail the ponies who live on those floors and what they owe the infamous Revan!”
“It's even got the individual residents' names listed!” Twilight remarked with a shudder. “These criminals planned every arson down to the T!”
“They even estimated their potential gains in bits for each 'job!'” Rarity fanned herself, grimacing. “Oh, how exceedingly disgusting!”
“We've got business ledgers here explaining everything!”Rainbow exclaimed. “This is it! This is the black heart of the Syndicate, and they're leaving themselves completely, totally naked!” Her voice cracked, “And not even in the cool way!”
“Rainbow, this is exactly the sort of thing Theanim Mane predicted we'd find!” Twilight exclaimed.
“Darn straight it is.” Frowning, Rainbow squatted down and stripped her saddlebag off. “Which means one thing.”
By now, Wildcard had paused in the middle of his task. While the flooded foundation shook beneath them again, he turned to look curiously the pegasus' way.
“Wildcard, don't stop on my behalf!” Rainbow exclaimed, frantically rummaging through her belongings. “In fact... here!” She tossed him one of her lootbags.
The griffon caught it, goggles rattling in confusion.
“Grab as much as you can!” Rainbow pulled Dr. Mane's camera out and laid as many of the business papers out as she could, then took aim with the lens. “I'm gonna do the same... erm... in my own way.”
Wildcard sighed heavily and gestured with his metal talons.
“Look, if you're trying to protest or something, then quite while you're a head, shadow guy!” Rainbow Dash took shot after shot. Click! Click! She made sure to capture the blueprints and the explosive markers from all angles. Click Cl-Click! “Face it, we need this! Cuz if everything falls flat on its face in Shoggoth, then we need something to show that we did the seas a royal service!” She smiled, winding up the film as she prepared for another capture. “After all, I wanna leave this crudhole a good guy, don't you?” Click!
“Yodel-laaaay-yodel-leeeeeee-yodel-loooooooooo!” Bard's throat quivered as he wrung out the last note. Then, with a contented sigh, he leaned back in his seat. “Mmmmm... nothin' like them old campfire blues to get the soul shimmerin' deep inside.”
“Mmmmfff...” Boss Revan muttered into his desk. “...all we need is a sunset.”
Bard grinned wide. “Just what I was gonna say!”
Echo rolled his eyes.
“Mr. Bard...”
“Hey! I know!” The mercenary grinned wide. “Any requests?”
“Unngh...” Revan rubbed his temple tiredly. “...do you know anything by Chris Maretin?”
Bard blinked. “... ... ...who?”
Echo looked up, leafy ears pricked high.
“What is it, boy?” Bard hummed.
With galloping hooves, two stallions rushed into the room, dripping all over with water. “Boss! Boss Revan!”
“Oh, praise Verlaxion!” Revan wheezed, jumping up to his hooves. “Errrr... I-I mean...” He cleared his throat, then marched past the seated Bounty Hunter. “What the Hell's the meaning of this?! Barging in on this important meeting with our esteemed associate?!”
“Boss, we...” The guards exchanged nervous glances, gulping.
“Well?!?”
“At f-first, we thought we could contain it! But now it's risen up to the second floor!”
“What has?! For shit's sake, will you just spit it out!”
“We've been flooded, boss, sir!”
“Flooded?!”
“Sabotage! On the bottom floor!” One of the guards winced. “Somepony's snuck in and planted some kind of explosive!”
“Huh? An explosive...?” Revan's ears folded back as he gasped in realization.
Gritting his teeth, Bard stood up, straightened his hat, and swung his guitar at full force.
“Wait a second—” Revan slowly turned around—CLANNNNNNG!—and got a face full of acoustic vibrations. “Guhhh!” He fell flat on his back.
“H-hey!” The two guards reached for their crossbows.
“Hopah!” Bard was already tossing a grenade pellet from his satchel.
P-POWWW! Both guards flew back, their bodies slamming into the dooframe of the room. They slumped to the floor, out cold.
Bard shrugged his shoulders, steadying his guitar as the instrument vibrated to a stop. “Concert's over, ya bloated yokels.”
“Mrmmfff... holy vagina mushrooms,” Echo grunted, stumbling weekly to his hooves. “And to think, for a second there, I was convinced you would really take him up on his offer.”
“And, y'know what, I was almost convinced too.” Bard tipped his hat back with a smirk. “But that wouldn't do right by Dubya-Cee or Miss Dash.”
“Jee,” Echo droned. “Do you always bleed out your mouth?”
“Once in a full moon.” Bard trotted over Revan. “Ya hear that, varmint? You make a good offer n'all, but I'm awfully sorry...” He winked. “...you and everythang about this place just stinks to high Hell.”
“Nnnnghh...” Revan stirred, squeezing his pained eyes open. “Kill you... and your whole family...”
WHUMP! Bard kicked him in the chest.
The Syndicate Boss exhaled heavily, then fell unconscious.
“Good luck with that, partner.” Bard zipped his guitar back into its case and whistled towards the sarosian. “Hop on, buddy! We're blowin' this joint!”
“Grmmfff...” Echo nervously complied, clutching to the mercenary's backside. “Years ago, I promised myself never to straddle another stallion within minutes of hearing the verb 'blow.'”
“Oh go soak yer fat head!” Bard grinned and galloped out the room with Echo in tow. “It's skedaddle time!”
Ride 'em, cowpony.
How has something not gone wrong yet.
'Bout time we crowned Boss Revan 'King of the Chumps'.
Photography faux pas involving a lens cap in 3, 2, 1...
Achievement unlocked: Honky Tonk Man
6224378 Everything's gonna go relatively smoothly up until the point where we finally accept the fact that everything is going well for our heroes for a change.
It's not until that moment when the author goes full 'fuck you' and sinks the boat or throws in a seamonster named Shell. And before you even realize it, we're halfway through book 10 and still lamenting over the fact that there was one time when everything was going almost too smoothly and we fell for it.
This raises questions.
Also
Please tell me she didn't leave the lens cap on...
This is all going way too smoothly. References to vagina mushrooms notwithstanding.
There's an old saying about the road to tartarus and good intentions...But Dash's final destination would make Tartarus look like a foals playground.
Also who really wants to climb a 260 floor tower hidden between time?
-Memories given light, ease a lonely flight. Ynanhluutr.
6224378 As I said in a lot of chapters before, RD's plans always fail for some reason or another, unless the plan is well-planned, like how they extracted the Changeling Queen back in Val Roa.
6224378
Don't jinx it.
The one line we have of the second song makes me thing it's a ponified Raleigh & Spencer, but given THE AUTHOR's (assumed) musical tastes I'm probably wrong.
So much reading....I plowed through days and sleepless nights of amazing litterary gold to get this far and if I've noticed one thing here (as other readers seem to have) it's that RD's exploits NEVER go this according to plan, something's bound to go wrong! But we'll have to wait till the next chapter or two to find out! And here I thought because of the chapter title it would be a nice heartfelt memory of harrowing exploits with her other most loved bounty hunter roarke...I hope she's not gone and dash doesn't abonden (or at least doesn't forget and something about roarke comes up more) that love once she resurrects the ghost of crapplejack...necrophelia is still a crime even in equestria. She better go back for her! Guess I'm still having a hard time letting go of the jury and still missing roarke most radical...sigh. But what most baffles me is how could probably the most intense, masterful, Pulitzer Prize winning litterary epicness, and captivating series on this site with unpronounceable titles and brief descriptions of "going east" (and I'm glad I finally took a peek after seeing so much of it!)by a geniuse shakaperian author who goes by the name "imploding colon"?!?! Because that's what my colon is doing right now, imploding...with awesomeness!! Always earned a like and always in my favorite folder...as always!
Knew Bard couldn't be swaying! Although clearly he cares about Wild Card deeply; I wonder if that's still gonna bite them in the ass later... It just seems too important to be a once-off thing, y'know?
I know that the lens cap thing was already pointed out in the comments...but let's be honest, it's GOING to happen. That is the ONLY way this can go. Might as well start thinking of ways for Dash to salvage things when that does happen.
Echo: " Oh no, guards are after us. Quick, Bard, play some getaway music!"
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Watch, now that you've said it, Twi or Rar will point it out and she'll take the pics again without the lens cap.
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He really is a huge chump, letting Bard sing like that for him. I guess that just comes with being a villain in this kind of story however.
Fixed
I guess you could say he was made to face the music.
Echo is best Doggy.
no mention of the lense cap being removed.......
oh boy
i wanna know the backstory to this so badly
Y'know, I was kinda hoping that the chapter title would have a bit more significance.
6224951 Normally, yes. In this case... Kinda?
6224696
Why must you use the phrase 'only way it can go'? I can see so many other ways things can happen. The camera itself could break, get lost, etc, which would prevent RD from proving the teams virtue to anyone else, especially if all they did was burglarize someone else. Hard could lose his guitar in a freak lethal accident involving banging someone else over the head. Revan and his Syndicate could have a backup vault (because only a moron keeps everything in one place)/have some non-liquid assets they can turn into cash, and still be functioning and swear unholy vengeance upon Dash, like everyone's favorite villain, Shell.
So seriously, never say something is the only way something can go. There is any number of routes that can arise for things to go terribly, terribly wrong.
First thing wrong. Bard is a deadly mercenary, and yet let the helpless boss Revan alive, and the guards also, and didnt close the extremely secure door behind him, leaving it as a distraction.
The optimumm place for this currently perfect plan to fail is during the flood pipe escape.
The pumping fans are in the waterflow, are very high power, and if you are lucky, are sealed against intrusion on both sides by heavy duty metal grates.
If you are unlucky. Remember Iron Man on the Avengers flying base? Like that, but without the remaining in one piece.
Bard now reminds me of lucky luke for some weird reason... god, I'm old
Well, I will think different and expect everything to turn as good as they expect. Maybe with one or two extra midboss battles here and there.
What's gonna go wrong?! We all know SOMETHING is gonna go wrong! WHAT IS IT! Where is this all going to go to Tartarus!!!
Yes, yes it could.
That's gonna be interesting. Because y'know... chat with Luna.
Welcome to the up-to-date club 6224592 .
6225323 So you're saying that Revan is Diet Shell?
I almost have a feeling that the "lens cap" thing is what Wildcard was gesturing wildly about.
As everyone else has said; Lens cap! Lens cap!
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I figure his expensive camera is an SLR - I'd be surprised if he's got something with separate optics for setting up and for taking the shot. It'd be immediately obvious if she were shooting with the lens cap on.
Wait, why didn't Bard go out the window?
Lens cap fail is too obvious. I might bait and switch by having her initially forget to remove the lens cap, it then gets pointed out to her, but the lost time retaking pictures bites them later.
6225701 I really can't see Twilight not noticing something like that and not saying anything
It's working. It's working. Yeeeeees it's working.
-Spirit (Yeast and Treacle)
EDIT: Also, I'm caught up again! After a week of downtime I can read the story live again.
6224781 That is the kind of thing either of them would notice. So if it really happened, it'll be mentioned soon--or it didn't happen at all.
6224500 Rainbow's plans only work if they are made off screen, there is a great deal of evidence to support this theory by now.
My honest first thought was "It means that he knew exactly what we would find because he set us up and this has been a trap all along". Was genuinely freaking out there for a moment.
At this point, I would like to remind everyone of the one behind it all...
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got that right
6226460 Valid Question. I would assume it would be along the lines of, If we stole the documents, they could claim we forged it, Snap a picture of it, they search the syndicate base, find the document in the vault, *boom* super proof. Either that or, Mane had told her to take pictures so she's just, doing what she's told without realizing the logical next step.
6230485 This sort of thing is a thing that You see spies doing in a lot of movies for I figure, two reasons. One being yeah, if you have pictures you can catch the bad guys red handed with the evidence on them, nobody can claim you faked it. The other? If the Proof of their nefarious deeds goes missing, then they know they have been found out and start covering it up, But if you Just take pictures and leave everything where it was, Then they may not realize that you found the evidence.
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I imagine dwelling in damp caves brings with it a milleu of minor medical misfortunes. Disallow your mind from tarrying to the potential issues Sarosian mares must be wary of while sleeping, upside down, from a cold cavern ceiling.
Some issues are better left unimagined.
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I am surprised no one here has even referenced Quick Draw McGraw, El-Kabong, yet. Goodness I feel old.
This isn't a dime store "romance" novel, darling.
I think Bard is becoming a favorite of mine. I sincerely hope he sticks around for at least a little longer.
Good vibrations are applied to the ears. Bad vibrations are applied to the face.
This caper's still going surprisingly well......NTTAWWT
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Poor Revan. You were only trying to make your city a better place one bomb at a time. Now a bunch of goody horse-shoes had to blow your joint. And not in the Zaid way.