On losing a parent · 2:02pm May 10th
All,
I was planning on writing a 'state of the writer' post this weekend to update y'all on what I've been up to. But, well, I suppose the state of me right now is everything all at once.
My mom passed away suddenly yesterday. She was 77.
Earlier yesterday dad and I had gone to see her in the nursing home she's been in since February. (TLDR: her alzheimers got bad enough that assisted living wasn't enough for her, so we had to move her to a familycare home). Dad of course visits every day. I can only go once a week due to my new job's work schedule, which puts my weekends on Wed-Thurs now. (TLDR on that: got laid off last summer after 17yrs in IT; tech market sucks, finally decided to pivot into sales but the hours suck)
Anyway: we visited earlier in the day, then 2 hours later they call us with the news. She was very late-stage alzheimers, so what likely happened is the brain stopped reliably communicating with the heart, causing it to stop. At least it was quick and painless, and she's no longer trapped in her own head. I suppose in a way, the mom I knew was already gone, robbed over the course of 7 years of constant degradation to the point she was a blank slate. So while this specific point was sudden, it's been a long slide before that too.
Fuck cancer, but fuck alzheimers along with it too.
If you're on good terms with them, hug your folks and cherish these days, everyone.
-Vic
My sincerest condolences, Vic.
I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent can be really tough. I hope your mom rests in peace and again I'm so sorry about her passing.
My condolences to you and your family, Vic.
I was thinking of you this morning, just before I read your post. Please take care and know that I’m here for you.
Oh, shit, Alzheimers? That got my grandfather. You have my sympathy, it's a terrible thing to go through for all involved.
I'm sorry for your loss Vic, if we get a chance this August, let's hang out for a bit and talk.
I'm sorry to hear of your loss. My condolences.
I'm sorry. (Holding bible) May i?
Really sorry to hear that. I hope you're doing alright.
My condolences.
My deepest condolences. I fully empathize with your loss. I have faith that she's with God, and that someday, you'll see her again.
You have my deepest condolences.
And I sincerely agree. Fuck cancer, and fuck Alzheimer's too.
oh man :( I'm so sorry
My most deepest condolences, Vic.
I'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your mother. I wish you all the love and support from those around you.
so sorry for your loss.
Well... I know words don't help much... but please know I mean it when I say I'm very sorry. You have my condolences.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It was hard when my dad passed, even though we'd known for a while that it was going to happen soon. Take care
My dad died in 2020, of dementia. I'd thought that final step wouldn't be so hard, since he was long gone by that point--couldn't speak or hear, always seemed to be in a dream or nightmare--but it was. It didn't hit me until we left the cemetery. It was snowing, and I couldn't stop thinking all night that it was much too cold to leave him there, that I should have wrapped him in something warm. And it didn't really hit me until a few weeks later, when my reptilian brain finally realized that he wasn't coming back. I had a lot of regret, mostly over things I never asked him. I wondered when it would stop hurting.
The funny thing is, now it has stopped hurting, and sometimes I feel guilty about that.
5781408
What I'm trying to say is, it feels bad now, but it might get worse before it gets better; and then when it does get better, you might feel worse when you realize it feels better. Just a heads up.