Apples and Pears Bloom at the Same Time

by IGIBAB

Apples and Pears Bloom at the Same Time

"I can't believe I lost it for almost ten years!"

Granny Smith blew the dust from an old book. She had gathered all her little family, after making an unexpected discovery. And they all knew what it was. What it contained. They were all staring at it.

"Where was it...?" Applejack asked.

"It was on top of our tallest cupboard. After... everythin' happened, I wanted to keep that away from you. I was afraid it'd make you think about them too much. But y'all old enough, now."

The three siblings looked at each other, nodding slowly, bracing themselves. Apple Bloom climbed on a chair to be high enough to see. Granny laid the book on the kitchen's table and opened it.

They all breathed in, containing their stupor. These were only photos. And barely enough of them to fill two pages. But...

"We don't have much from before they got married. Your father wasn't the kinda colt to take pictures and your mother was too scared her father would find out if she took some."

Granny pointed at the first one.

"This is the day after they got married. Poor Buttercup was still getting over her father's decision."

Bright Mac had a hoof around Pear Butter in the photo, and both were smiling awkwardly but happily at the camera, standing in front of the barn. Granny's hoof went to the second photo.

"And that's when they announced to me you were coming into this world, Big McIntosh. I thought Buttercup had just eaten too many apple pies."

All three looked at the photo. Their mother was clearly pregnant. Not overweight.

Still, it felt weird for all three of them, for a very simple reason.

"It's the first time I've seen pictures of them," Applejack muttered.

"It's the first I've seen them," Apple Bloom added more vigorously.

She couldn't believe her eyes. She had heard stories. But Bright really had the same color as her. Or rather, she had the same color as him. He was just like Big Mac, but with her colors.

And he was smiling in all of those photos. A big kind smile, like her older brother sometimes had. And Buttercup, she was radiant in all of them. A joyful face – like most of the time she was with her husband, Apple Bloom had heard – and an embarrassed but proud grin on the photo of her pregnancy.

"I think those are the only photos we have of them," Granny sadly explained. "And with you, for that matter."

She pointed at both pages. There was another photo after Big Mac's birth, one for his first steps, one for Applejack's birth, one with them playing with their parents. Granny also appeared in one where they took a family picture. And Apple Bloom realized something.

"I'm... not in any of those..."

She had tried to not sound too disappointed. But to no avail. Granny saw her granddaughter's ears go down and her face saddened.

"I'm sorry Apple Bloom... We had a photo of them holdin' you after you were born, but that's the only one we ever took before..."

Her voice died down. As it usually did when referencing this particular incident.

"Well, where is it?" the filly asked, looking at her grandmother with hopes.

"I lost it..." she confessed with shame, closing her eyes. "T'was that day, when I was about to put it in the album. I had the glue ready, everythin' was set on the table and then... Burnt Oak rushed through the door and..."

Granny opened her eyes and looked at the book on the table.

"When I had time to think about it again, I couldn't find the picture..."

She turned her eyes to her granddaughter. Apple Bloom wasn't even looking at her anymore, nor hiding her disappointment. She just stared at the album without saying anything.

Applejack and Big Mac looked at each other with a shared helplessness painted on their faces. In the end, Apple Bloom's big sister laid a gentle hoof on her head, trying to comfort her.

"At least we have a lot of photos of you growin' up," Applejack softly said. "More than your brother and I have."

"Yeah, I guess so..."

The little filly sighed. Her siblings exchanged a wince.

"I'm sorry sugar cube..." her big sister said.

Apple Bloom looked up, only to see the three sad face staring at her. She tried a smile and waved a hoof:

"I'm fine, don't worry."

"If you wanna talk, you can say so, you know?"Applejack said.

Apple Bloom stepped down from the chair and away from her sister's hoof.

"Nah, I'm good. I'm gonna go for a walk. I'll... take a look later."

Big Mac and Applejack silently asked Granny with a glance. She closed her eyes and shook her head, telling them to let her be.

Apple Bloom walked out and they all waited a couple of seconds before Granny said:

"She never saw them until today and now she knows she won't even see herself with them. I have no idea what she might be feeling right now, but she's the only one that can deal with that."

Applejack looked at the door, thinking.

"I think I might have an idea."

---

Thinking about her parents wasn't something Apple Bloom often did. Up until now, she barely had any idea as to what they even looked like, so it wasn't really a very productive thing to do. She didn't think about them directly, she only thought about what they could have been like. What it would mean for her. Which were, at best, sad speculations.

Indirectly, that might have been why she was getting along so well with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. Both didn't have parents, in a way, since theirs were always out traveling somewhere. At least, their parents had less influence on their lives than for someone like Diamond Tiara. So Apple Bloom felt some kind of reassuring connection with them.

Yet, today, something had changed. She had seen them. She didn't recognize them. But... That smile. Her mother's smile. It had felt so familiar. As if some part of her still remembered it, despite being too young at the time. It was reassuring. Warming. More than her sister's smiles had ever been.

Apple Bloom wasn't sure she liked it. She was a stranger. Her mom was a stranger. Yet, she felt a connection so profound that she couldn't explain. How dare she look so important, when Applejack, Bic McIntosh and Granny Smith had been the only ones there for her?

That was selfish from Apple Bloom. She knew it. Her mother didn't choose to... She would have rather been there. For her.

But had she ever been? There wasn't even a photo to prove that. Nothing but words and acts she couldn't even remember.

The little filly kicked an apple from the branch she was sitting on. Almost on top of the tree, overlooking the surrounding orchard, under the light of the sun. She saw birds flying over the hills.

"How does it feel...?" she wondered, hoping that an answer would suddenly manifest itself.

The apple hit the ground a couple of meters below, bouncing off into the distance. Apple Bloom sighed. What were those feelings in her?

She leaned her head against the last branches, bending them a bit.

"I don't get it..."

She let her hooves down, knocking on the branches again. She heard a crack. Then the one she was leaning on suddenly broke. She lost balance, tipped to the side and began to fall.

"Whoa!"

She saw herself falling, but that didn't happen. Something grabbed one of her foreleg, catching her before it was too late. She looked up, only to see a light-orange filly with a blond mane, holding her. She seemed as surprised as Apple Bloom was, but was still holding on tight onto her hoof.

"Wha-" Apple Bloom tried to understand, still dangling in the air.

She had been alone on that tree. She was certain of it. Who was that, and where was she coming from?

"H-Hi," the filly stuttered, still shocked, a nervous smile on the face.

"H-Hey..." Apple Bloom said, unsure about how to react. "Thanks for catchin' me."

"Sure."

She wasn't confident in her words, but she lifted Apple Bloom back on the branch nonetheless, following:

"Couldn't let my cousin break a leg on the day I met her."

"Your cousin?" Apple Bloom repeated, looking at the ground with a bit of fear still in her heart, then back at the filly.

She was about as tall as her, with curly blond hair held by green hair ties at the end, both for her mane and tail. She had emerald eyes, looking at her with an indescribable emotion in them. Something between fascination, joy and surprise.

"Yeah. I'm your cousin, Pear Blossom."

"Pear...? Wait, so you're from my mom's side?"

"Eyup."

"As in, first cousin?"

"Yeah," the filly nodded.

Apple Bloom squinted.

"I'm pretty sure my mother didn't have brothers or sisters."

Pear Blossom seemed a lot more hesitant suddenly.

"Well... Why don't we talk about that down on the ground? I mean, it's dangerous here, I'm not sure the branch will hold us both."

Apple Bloom stayed suspicious but agreed nonetheless.

"Sure..."

She went down the tree with precaution, followed by Pear Blossom. Once they were on the ground, the new filly searched in a bag Apple Bloom hadn't noticed before, and she pulled out a small photo.

"See, that's a photo of my parents," she said, giving it to her. "That's me, my dad and my mom. She's your mother's sister."

The picture was of two ponies holding a baby in their legs, looking at her rather than the camera. The stallion was quite tall and muscled, while the mare looked a bit more frail. She resembled Pear Butter a lot actually, but with blond hair. And she had the same smile, as she was looking at her filly wrapped in a white towel. And that filly in the picture was definitely the one in front of Apple Bloom right now. She did have an accent that sounded like her family's as well.

"I had an aunt and I didn't know it!?" Apple Bloom exclaimed.

"Well, she doesn't like to talk with her family," Pear winced. "She says it reminds her too much of her sister and she's at beef with our grandfather."

"Still. He never spoke about her."

Apple Bloom looked up at her cousin, still surprised but mostly amazed.

"Well it's nice to meet you! I'm Apple Bloom!" she said, extending her hoof.

"Nice to meet you," Pear responded with a relieved smile, before grabbing her hoof and pulling her in a hug.

Apple Bloom was caught off guard for a second by this sudden proximity, but that wasn't uncommon in the family. So she returned the hug, smiling and giggling. Although it felt a bit weird. Maybe because she was a filly too?

"I'm so happy I finally get to see you..." Pear Blossom whispered, her voice shaken a bit.

"You wanted to meet me for a long time?" Apple Bloom asked, a bit confused.

"I already know you a bit," the filly explained, letting go of the hug, still emotionally smiling.

"Huh? How?"

"I've done research. I wanted to know more about my family, since my mom doesn't talk much about it. I was so excited to learn I had a cousin that was the same age as me."

"Yeah, that's kind of exciting!" Apple Bloom said, happy, handing back the photo, which Pear declined.

"Keep it, you'll have a memory of me that way. I can't be there too long."

"Because of your mom?" Apple Bloom guessed, putting the photo in between her mane and bow to not lose it.

Pear winced again, yet she was still smiling a bit, just embarrassed.

"Yeah. As I've said, she doesn't like to talk about her family."

"Aw, that's a shame. I would have loved to introduce you to the rest of the family and my friends."

"The Cutie Mark Crusaders? I would have been so happy to!"

"Wait, you know them?" asked Apple Bloom, intrigued.

"I-I... I've told you, I did some research," Pear awkwardly giggled. "Everypony knows about the Cutie Mark Crusaders in town, so... Like, you've helped a lot of people."

"Yeah, that's true," Apple Bloom nodded proudly. "Alright, come on then, I'll show you our clubhouse at least! It's not far!"

"Oh, thanks!"

Apple Bloom started to walk and Pear went by her side. Both were smiling.

"So, where do you come from?" the Apple asked.

"Oh, you know. Small place. You wouldn't even know the name."

"Yeah, probably, but what direction?"

"It's somewhere between the Smokey Mountains and Filly Delphia."

That didn't really help Apple Bloom since she wasn't too good at geography, so she couldn't really place those two on a map. But she nodded nonetheless, following with another question:

"You live in a farm?"

"Eyup."

"With a pear orchard?" she guessed.

"Nope," Pear giggled. "There's mostly apples there. But enough about me, what were you doing up here?"

Apple Bloom smile faded a bit.

"Oh, you know, just... thinking about things."

The filly looked at her, suddenly worried. Apple Bloom just shook her head and said:

"Hey, we're there!"

Indeed, they had arrived in view of the Cutie Mark Crusaders' Clubhouse. Apple Bloom rushed forward, climbing up the ramp and Pear Blossom followed, looking at her with a tender but still slightly concerned smile.

Once inside, the Pear looked around, admiring the posters with the CMCs' heroes and passions on them, the board with their plans, and just enjoying how lively the place felt.

Apple Bloom cleared her throat, drawing Pear's attention. She was standing behind the reading desk, suddenly looking formal.

"Alright," the yellow filly stated. "All the founding members aren't present, but I'm sure they won't have any objections."

"For...?" Pear asked, walking up to her, intrigued.

Apple Bloom smiled and raised a hoof, then pointed it towards her.

"As your cousin, I hereby declare you an honorary member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders."

Pear Blossom was stunned. She looked at Apple Bloom, then covered her own mouth with a hoof, asking:

"F-For real...?"

"Eyup!"

To the young Apple's surprise, Pear's eyes filled with tears she couldn't hold back. Yet, she was still smiling.

"Are you okay...?" the filly with a bow asked.

"Y-Yes. I'm honored, thank you. Even though you barely know me."

"Heh, it's fine," Apple Bloom said, waiving a hoof. "That's what I do for the family members."

Pear whipped her tear with a hoof, laughing a bit.

"Never been part of a club..."

"Well that's your first one."

Apple Bloom went by her side, adding when she noticed something:

"And maybe we can get you a cutie mark when we get the time."

Pear looked at her own blank flank, before she hastily waved a hoof:

"No, no, I'm fine really. I'm sure it'll come soon."

"Are you sure?" Apple Bloom asked, tilting her head.

"Yes, don't worry. Everyone in the family had theirs a bit late, I shouldn't be different."

"You have sisters and brothers?"

"No, I was talking about my parents."

"Oh..."

Pear spotted Apple Bloom's ears slightly flopping down at that mention and a little sadness passing in her eyes.

"... I'm sorry for your parents," she said emphatically. "I've heard the story..."

"It's... fine," the little Apple slowly said, lowering her head. "It's just... I would have loved to ask them how they got their cutie marks. To talk about it with them... It's such a big part of what I think about and..."

She sighed, unable to find words to end her sentence. Pear looked a bit around, before saying:

"I'm sure they had their cutie marks late as well, like you."

"Why's that...?"

Pear attempted a kind smile.

"Because apples and pears bloom at the same time."

Apple Bloom looked her in the eyes. She felt those words. She was an apple, like her father, and a pear, like her mother. Surely, the cutie mark things also ran in the family. But there also was something in the way that Pear smiled that was just... comforting.

"Thanks... You know, I was actually thinking about them when I almost fell and you saved me."

"Something in particular about them?" Pear invited.

"Well... Just about how it feels to have parents."

Apple Bloom turned away, sitting down on the floor, following with her head low:

"I don't even recall anything about them. Before Granny showed me the photos earlier today, I didn't even know what they looked like. I don't know their voice, how they smell, how their embrace feels."

She raised her hooves, looking at the ceiling, following:

"I don't even have a photo of me with them! For all I know, I could be somepony else's daughter!"

She let her hooves down, sighing again. Behind her, Pear was biting her cheek, containing her reactions. She just went by her side to lay a kind hoof on her shoulder.

"They feel like strangers...?" she guessed, swallowing with difficulty.

Apple Bloom shook her head.

"Strangers that I never even saw... And that I will never see. Yet..."

"Yet...?"

"When I saw the photos... When I saw my mom, looking at the camera, smiling... It just... I felt like I had seen that smile before. It felt familiar. Reassuring. Is this how a mother's smile is supposed to feel?"

She turned to Pear, with tears in her eyes, seeking an answer, only to see that she was also on the verge of crying.

"It is..." the filly with a light-orange coat nodded. "It's what a mother does."

"Then why will I never experience that again...?" Apple Bloom asked desperately. "All my friends get to know that, all of them. And I don't. I have to pretend I know what it's like when someone talks about something they did with their mom and dad."

She was shaking, trying to keep her breathing steady, but to no avail. It was getting quicker, as she was herself letting go of all her contained frustrations. Without knowing why, or even noticing, she felt more comfortable sharing those with Pear than with anyone else in her family. So she continued:

"I don't know what it's like to have a father that shows you how he works! I don't know how a mother telling bedtime stories sounds! I don't know what it's like to be comforted by your parents when you're crying! The best thing I can do is compare that with what my brother and sister do, but I know it's not the same! Why can't I know how it truly feels?"

Apple Bloom's cheek became wet. Pear Blossom had a little sob and suddenly grabbed her, pulling her closer, hugging her head against her shoulder, to Apple Bloom's surprise. Yet, she didn't try to stop her. That embrace felt... different.

"A mother is a shoulder for you to cry on when things aren't great..." Pear whispered. "Warm and comforting, just like your sister. But coming from a softer place."

Apple Bloom understood what she was trying to do. What she was trying to offer to her. Carefully, she returned the hug. Pear continued:

"She would caress your mane gently, knowing the spots that comfort you the most. She'd slowly rock you a bit left to right, telling you that everything is going to be fine in the most kind voice you've ever heard."

She followed each of her words with the gesture. She felt Apple Bloom's legs holding onto her even tighter, as she wasn't holding back her tears anymore. The young apple didn't know why, but she felt she could let herself go with that cousin she barely knew. She felt safe. That embrace felt warm. Protective. Reassuring. More than with her big sister. Even her voice sounded kinder.

"She would tell you how proud she is of everything she saw you do. How strong you are for making it through everything harsh that happened to you. How much she loves you, my little apple."

Apple Bloom sobbed uncontrollably. Something heavy was disappearing in her. A weight on her heart, slowly getting lifted. Pear closed her eyes, silently crying as well, feeling a lump in her throat, still continuing her kind whispers:

"She would say how sorry she was for not being there when you needed her most... That she would love to hear all the things you have to tell her, all the stories you want to share... I'm... I'm sure she still watched over you during all those years..."

Apple Bloom's grip became tighter. Pear simply let her empty everything she had buried in her, kindly rubbing her back and caressing her head.

They stayed like this for a moment. Probably far too long. That hug should have felt awkward for each of them, but it didn't. They both took in deep breath after deep breath, getting their nerves back to normal. Apple Bloom dried her tears, before finally letting go. Pear released her embrace.

"S-Sorry," Apple Bloom apologized, still slightly sniffing. "Is... Is this what your mom tells you?"

Pear had a sad smile, looking at her, shaking a bit.

"Yeah... And I'm sure that's what yours would tell you too..."

Apple Bloom returned the smile. Pear's ear twitched slightly.

"I'm going to have to go soon..." she said.

"Already...?"

"Apple Bloom!?" a voice suddenly called outside. "Are you in there!?"

"Applejack...?" the filly with a bow said, intrigued.

She went to the window, looking down. Her brother and sister were here, as well as Grand Pear. She wave a hoof.

"I'm here. Hi Grand Pear."

"Are you alright...?" the elderly pony asked, concerned by her state.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said, drying the last tears she had, feeling surprisingly lighter. "It's just... I'm good."

"You wanna come with us?" Applejack proposed. "We're going to take a photo all together."

"Why is that?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Well, we realized that none of us have a photo with Grand Pear. So we might as well take one, as a family. That'll be great for the album."

"Can Pear Blossom come with us to take it?"

Applejack briefly glanced at her brother and Grand Pear with confusion, before asking:

"Sorry, sugar cube, who?"

"Pear Blossom. Our cousin, from mom's side."

Applejack frowned, silently questioning her grandfather. To which he answered, slowly shaking his head:

"I don't recall anyone in the family named like that."

"Oh come on," Apple Bloom said, offended. "She's mom's sister's daughter."

"Apple Bloom," Applejack pointed out, worried. "Our mother was an only child."

"No, her sister just decided to not talk with the rest of the family because it made her think about our mother."

Grand Pear walked a bit forward, kindly opposing:

"Apple Bloom, I'm sorry but I think I would know if your mother had a sister. And if that sister had a child. I really don't know who that Pear Blossom you're talking about is."

"Well, why don't you ask her, she's right-"

Apple Bloom stopped as she turned back to look at her cousin. She wasn't there. The little yellow filly was alone in the clubhouse.

"-there..." she ended, confused. "What in tarnation...?"

She looked around. No one. Pear Blossom had just vanished.

"Apple Bloom?" she heard her sister call outside.

She rushed back to the window, a bit panicked.

"Have you seen someone get out!?"

"Nope," Applejack replied.

The filly was completely lost. They would have seen it if Pear Blossom had gone out by the door or the other window. Plus, both were still closed. Apple Bloom hadn't heard them get opened.

Applejack looked worried.

"Everything's alright?"

"I-... No, she was right there! I don't get it!"

The three below looked at each other, just as confused as she was. Big Mac shrugged, not understanding either.

"We still have no idea who you're talking about, sugar cube," Applejack worried.

"It's our cousin! Hold on, I have a photo with her parents!"

Apple Bloom searched in her bow and pulled out the photo, brandishing it in front of the others. They all squinted, extending their necks, but Applejack said:

"We can't see anything from here, little sis."

"Urrh! Hold on, I'm coming."

Apple Bloom rushed out the door – after taking one last glance to make sure Pear Blossom wasn't hiding behind a curtain or a poster – and down the ramp, handing the photo to her family, explaining:

"See, that's her as a filly, and her parents. Her mom looks just like ours!"

The three of them were gobsmacked. Even Big Mac looked shocked.

"Apple Bloom, where did you get that photo!?" Applejack asked.

"I told you, our cousin gave it to me! I didn't believe her either, before she showed it to me, but-"

"Apple Bloom, that's you!" her sister cut.

"Say what now?" the filly said, raising an eyebrow.

"That's you with our parents!"

The little filly looked back at the photo. She couldn't believe her eyes. That stallion. It wasn't the same one as before. It was her father. The mare had changed a bit as well, it was undeniably her mother. And the little baby they held in between them, at the center. That yellow coat, those red hair. It was her.

Apple Bloom's heart dropped. Her brain couldn't process what was happening.

"But... I... What!? How!?"

"That's the photo they took with you," Applejack followed. "Granny thought she had lost it, remember?"

"Y-Yeah but..."

Grand Pear tilted his head, looking at Apple Bloom's hoof.

"There's something written on the back," he said.

The filly turned it around. Indeed. With a harsh but feminine mouth writing. The words "Go, my little apple. Cutie Mark Crusaders forever!" were there.

"How's that possible...?" Applejack muttered.

Apple Bloom didn't know. And she was still far too confused to really get a good grasp of what had happened. But, somewhere, her heart understood something. She had it. The picture with her parents. The proof that she was, indeed, their daughter. She flipped the photo again, to look at them. Bright Mac was looking at the little baby wrapped in its white sheets, a hoof over his mare's shoulder, looking proud and happy. But Pear Butter, she was looking at the camera. At her. With a kind, comforting and warm smile. Happy as well.

Comments

[TheGJ90]

Oh my stars... That sweet Pear!

[zachary12]

nice work

[TotalOverflow]

This was a sweet story. Considering the story I wrote about the Apple family, I'm always predisposed to interest in other takes on their family dynamic and backstories. I enjoyed the concept of finding an old photo album and Applebloom's heartbreak at once again realizing she never got to experience a connection to her parents was well done. I especially enjoyed her moment expressing how difficult it is to hear her friends talk about their parents, and how she just has to pretend it doesn't bother her. That felt very believable and heartfelt.

I do have some feedback and critique, if you're open to it. A couple grammatical things first. As I've learned in recent years, it's usually better to simply rely on using "said" instead of trying to use more interesting dialogue tags. I understand the temptation (trust me) and I've done it lots myself, but using phrases like:

"I think those are the only photos we have of them," Granny sadly explained. "And with you, for that matter."

"Something in particular about them?" Pear invited.

"Apple Bloom, that's you!" her sister cut.

In general prove to be more distracting than offering variety in the verbiage. I'm of the opinion that using tags like "asked" or "giggled" are fine when used sparingly, but technically, it should be "said with a giggle."

I also felt some of the dialogue and sentence structure to be a bit mechanical, and could be refined with a bit more editing. I'd love to see more flow and rhythm to the dialogue, and displays of affection between family members. You can use exposition as a chance to explain characters as well, two birds with one stone. As a personal taste thing, I enjoy when stories lean into the accents a little bit more, especially for characters like Granny Smith who speak with a pretty strong drawl.
I might tweak something like this that Granny Smith says:

"We don't have much from before they got married. Your father wasn't the kinda colt to take pictures and your mother was too scared her father would find out if she took some."

Into something more like this:

"Yer pa weren't fond o' photos. Always was suspicious of newfangled devices, but Ah think he jes' was embarrassed o' his mane. Yer ma wanted to take more, but, well, she never did anythin' without Bright Mac. If he didn't want somethin', she weren't the type to do it behind his back. Shame to say it, but these are all we got."

Some people don't like the accent being incorporated into the written dialogue, and that's fine. It can be understood just fine with something like "She said with her characteristic drawl." It's a matter of taste. I just wanted to show how I'd go about it

As for prose and general descriptive text, I'd also suggest finding ways to more smoothly transition between sentences. Lead the reader from one thought to the next, and watch out for long interludes in the middle of sentences which can distract from the main subject. I'd take this:

And he was smiling in all of those photos. A big kind smile, like her older brother sometimes had. And Buttercup, she was radiant in all of them. A joyful face – like most of the time she was with her husband, Apple Bloom had heard – and an embarrassed but proud grin on the photo of her pregnancy.

And tweak it to this:

And in every single photo, a kind, warm smile spread across his face. She knew that smile; Big Mac had the same one. Buttercup, meanwhile, had flushed cheeks and a genuine, if awkward smile, as she held a hoof upon her pregnant belly. Even from within a photograph, her joy radiated, a joy she couldn't help but spread whenever Bright Mac was nearby. At least, that's what Applebloom had been told.

Bear in mind what is the purpose of every single sentence? What are you telling the reader? In that last example, you're describing her parents' appearances and personalities through the way they smile and hold each other. But, you're also reinforcing that Applebloom never got to experience it herself. Save that harsh reality for the end, when it can gutpunch the reader. Inserting the comment "Applebloom had heard" in the middle of another thought doesn't allow the reader to truly grapple with it. Saving this sad remark for the end, however, contrasts strongly against the happy and joyful previous sentences, and gives the reader a moment to ponder it.

Not really a criticism, but to me it was immediately obvious who the cousin truly was the second she was introduced. Her sudden appearance in the tree, the similar colours, the photo that all but perfectly matched the missing photo, etc. If this was your intention, for the reader to clue in right away, then well done. However, if you wanted to keep it as a bit of a reveal, it might require some reworking, such as having her approach from someplace else, saving the photo for a little later, and having a different colour scheme (maybe her colours could gradually change to match those of Pear Butter as the story progresses). In any case, just wanted to share that thought

Overall, it's a sweet story. It's really nice to see these thoughts of a character like Applebloom explored further and how even though she keeps a brave front, she feels lots of sadness inside. I hope you keep writing and further developing your skills!

P.S. I'd also consider changing the title to "Apples and Pears Bloom Together"

[IGIBAB]

11905721
Hi, thank you for your kind comment ^^ I'll go through it point by point.

I especially enjoyed her moment expressing how difficult it is to hear her friends talk about their parents, and how she just has to pretend it doesn't bother her. That felt very believable and heartfelt.

I'm glad I added that at the last minute then ^^ (It's the only place where I somewhat used my own experience)

As I've learned in recent years, it's usually better to simply rely on using "said" instead of trying to use more interesting dialogue tags.

Advice I've seen on this seem to vary from one person to another, at least in English. I try to only use them when they add something to the story, instead of just clarifying who's speaking but maybe I'm overusing it. I've recieved comments about my dialogues not being clear enough recently, so those things really seem to be my bane XD Thank you still for the advice.

For the accent, the first draft had the first part entirely written with the accent, but I've stumbled on some articles that discourages it. When I was writing in french, I was confident in my ability to make a text that sounded peasant-like (I don't know how to say it in english, that's how we say it in french) and was even praised for writting an Applejack that reads like Applejack. But in english, I have to check every abreviation/deformation and I'm not even sure it sounds correct everytime, because my grammar-check tools can't help me for that. So, aside from the "g" at the end of "-ing" words that vanishes, the "Ah" instead of "I" and some other small stuff, I prefer to keep a normal spelling. Even though I would love to put an accent in it, if I was even capable of writing a correct one.

This follows into the flow of the text again. I think, sometimes, I just lack the vocabulary and a general understanding of the rythm. I try to say things out loud, and for the part you've quote, I had figured the "And Buttercup [...]" was a bit on the nose in terms of rythm. But I didn't know how to change it, and it's hard to know sometimes if it's just me imagining things or not. So, thanks to you, I know my feeling was right on that one.
And yeah, I have to work on my dialogues. Even for my books in French, it's still the thing I have to revise the most with my editor. I like your example.

And, if I had wanted to keep the cousin's identity a secret, I wouldn't have put Apple Bloom on the top of a tree where no one can appear like that out of nowhere. x) I think the story is better when you've already guessed it and you go through it, and everything just confirms it. It adds a bit of dramatical irony, we know something Apple Bloom doesn't. And also gives some implications. Apple Bloom would have really hurt herself, or even die, if she had fall. That's only why Pear was allowed to intervene, which is implied in the fact she can't stay for long. Even if the reader doesn't get the "she was allowed to intervene", her stating she can't stay for long explains why she never did it before. And I need to make it obvious at the end, because I know some people won't get it if it's not in their face (I did so many obvious twists back in the days, and half of my readers didn't see it coming. Some people just go through a story without thinking about it too much, so I have to write for them as well). So, with the "reveal", I'm certain everyone gets it, which is the whole point of the story.

For the title, well, I don't know. "Together" implies with someone, wereas "at the same time" is more like "around the same period"? (I might be wrong, English and all...) Which is a way of saying AB is still alone, but she got her CM at around the same age as her parents? Idk, I'm very weird with titles sometimes.

Anyway, thank you for your comment. I'll try to apply your advice for my next stories and chapter. Glad you've enjoyed it. Emotional stories are my roots and I felt like this one wasn't just... that great. So it's reassuring.

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If I can say, I never had any inclination that english wasn't your first language, so very well done! I'm happy you found some of my feedback useful, and yes: a lot of writing is down to personal preference and style for sure. Regardless, it takes a lot of determination to not only learn a new language, but to write stories in it as well, so huge respect for that! Keep up the good work!
As for the identity of the cousin, I definitely felt that I was supposed to know who it was pretty quickly, and I agree, knowing the identity made their interactions more meaningful. So well done there too