"Thanks for helping me, Fluttershy."
"You're welcome, Hawker," she replied as we left her cottage, "I'm really sorry for what Rainbow did."
"You don't need to apologise for the actions of others. I suppose I'll have to be on guard from now on when she, and Pinkie, are around."
"I'll speak to them for you. Ask them to stop being mean."
"I don't think they'll listen, even to you. Your friends hate me."
"They don't hate you."
"Rainbow orchestrated a prank that dropped a bucket of treacle all over me, Twilight refuses to listen when I tell her I'm from another world and Rarity humiliated me with her dresses. All that's left is Pinkie and that background pony."
"You mean Applejack?"
"Yeah. She seems a few beans short of a casserole."
"Hawker," Fluttershy said with a small degree of force, "Please don't talk about my friends like that."
"Fine, but if they shoot their mouth off I'm not holding back."
Fluttershy said nothing back, but looked on in worry. Whilst I like Fluttershy and wouldn't hurt her feelings, I'm not going to let that stop me from putting her idiot friends in their place.
We carried on walking in silence for a few minutes until we reached the centre of town. Ponies were out and about going about their daily routines with a few casting glances over to them, some of them laughing when they saw me; memories of my previous visit to their idiotic little town still fresh I the memory.
Cunts.
Eventually Fluttershy left me on my own, having her own errands to run. With nothing else to do I decided to have a look around town, which would be more pleasant if the locals stopped snickering behind their hooves every time they looked at me.
Stopping by the window of a music shop, I browsed the window display which had a range of vinyl records and some musical instruments on show, along with a few vinyl turntables. Even though I couldn't afford one, or anything for that matter, I decided to have a look inside, if only to see what the Equestrian music scene was like.
Entering the shop I was pleasantly surprised to see a more rustic decor and a few rows of tables with long lines of boxes, organized side by side all full with vinyl records. Nearer the front and to one side were the turntables, furniture to place them on and amps headphones.
Walking over to the where the records were filed, I began browsing. Most of the names I didn't recognise though the odd few I'd heard of before like Sapphire Shores and Countess Coloratura.
"Hey there."
I turned to see the easily recognisable Vinyl Scratch approach.
"Hi."
"You looking for something, or just browsing?"
"Just browsing, I'm hard up right now."
"I know the feeling. Feel free to sample the tunes on the set up over there," Vinyl replied, pointing to the kiosks where some ponies were already listening to music in headphones.
"Take as long as you like," Vinyl added, "You need any help, come and find me."
Vinyl left me and I decided to go over to one of the empty kiosks. Placing the phones on my head a selected one of the songs available. I'd no idea what they would be like or what kind of music they did.
I quickly deduced I didn't like this particular artist and selected another.
My second choice was much better. The closest Earth equivalent I'd say would have to be Billy Joel.
I continued listening for a bit, enjoying about half the available songs before deciding to head back into town.
"Hear anything you like?" asked Vinyl, who was organising the records.
"A few things. When my financial situation improves I might come back here and buy a few things."
"Cool. If you decide to buy a turntable from the premium range, you get five records of your choosing at no extra charge. If you go for a budget turntable, you get one free record."
"I'll be sure to remember," I replied, I always like a good deal, "See you round, Vinyl."
"See you round, Hawker; don't be a stranger."
I left and headed back into town towards the market where it had gotten a bit busier than before. I could still see some ponies giving me funny looks but apart from that I was left alone. I wasn't particularly interested in buying anything, but I enjoy the atmosphere of a lively market; something that at home at least is becoming increasingly rare as online shopping tightens it stranglehold on commerce.
I soon found myself out of the market area and in front of Sugar Cube corner. It being impossible to miss and leaving one to wonder how it got planning permission, I decided to have a look inside despite the risk from the Pink One.
I couldn't deny it smelt good.
As I heard the bell above the door chime, I saw Mrs Cake approach from behind the counter. A blink-and-you'll-miss-it look of disdain appeared on her face before she put on her happy customer service face.
"Welcome, Hawker."
"Hi," I replied somewhat half-arsedly.
"Were you looking for anything in particular today?" Mrs Cake asked.
"Not really. I'm just looking around town, I'm very short of money right now too."
"Oh dear, well I don't know what to do about that."
"I'm in a bit of a rut right now, but I'll get out of it. Eventually."
"Well, I suppose I can offer you one free cupcake. We do offer them to everypony that comes here."
"Really? Thanks."
Mrs Cake came back with a cupcake and offered it to me. I would have preferred to choose one but beggars can't be choosers. I undid the wrapper and took a bite.
And very nearly vomited it back out.
'You don't like it?" Mrs Cake asked, shocked.
"Not really," I replied, forcefully swallowing it, "A little too sweet for me."
"'Oh dear, we've never had somepony not like our cakes before."
"There's a first time for everything."
I replied, looking for somewhere to dispose of the rest of the uneaten cupcake. Finding a bin I threw the rest away, prompting a gasp from Mrs Cake and the sudden appearance of her other half.
"You ungrateful lout!"
I looked over to see Mr Cake approaching me, his hooves stomping hard on the floor.
"My wife offers you a cupcake at no charge and you throw it away!"
"It was too sweet for me. If it had less sugar in it I might like it."
"There's nothing wrong with my wife's cupcakes. You just wanted to cause another scene, didn't you?"
"No," I replied firmly, "I just don't like things that are too sweet, which that cupcake was."
"So you decided to just throw it away?!"
"What else was I to do with it? I don't know why you're so angry."
Mr Cake clenched his teeth, "You said untrue things about our cupcakes! They are the finest in Equestria!"
"They're too sweet for me."
"They are NOT too sweet! They are perfect!"
"It's called having an opinion you fucking cunt."
If Mr Cake was shocked by my words, he didn't show it but the thud I heard was Mrs Cake collapsing to the floor. Hearing this, Mr Cake rushed over to her.
"Is she alright?' I asked
Mr Cake looked up to me and got muzzle to muzzle with me.
"Get. Out."
If he was trying to intimidate me, he didn't succeed; that being said I had no desire to stay either so I just left and walked in any direction that took me away from that place. In hindsight I should have paid more attention to where I was walking as I found myself at a place that radiates evil itself.
"What are you doing here?"
I was brought to my senses and saw that that I had entered enemy territory. Namely the premises of Carousel Boutique. Of all the places in this town I had to absentmindedly walk into, it had to be this place.
"Excuse me?"
"I said, what are you doing here?" she snapped, holding a large pair of scissors in her magic.
I looked around and decided to fuck with her.
"I'm here for a pretty dress."
"Don't get clever with me, Mister! Now what are you doing here?"
"I didn't realise I was, I kinda zoned out."
"I don't believe you. You expect me to believe that you just happened to walk in here without realising it?"
"No, I expect you to be the same stuck up bitch you've always been towards me in the short time we've known each other."
"Curb your language in my boutique, Mister."
"Or what? I'll scare away the mares. Why would any mare want to wear this shit anyway?" I asked, motioning to the dresses on display. To be honest I didn't mean it, I was just angry and my mouth was acting before my brain. I was in too deep though and had to carry on through.
"Well I never!"
"Well I never," I mimicked in a high pitch, "Do you realise how utterly ridiculous you sound?"
Though I refused to show it, I got slightly worried when I saw her levitate a fancy looking dress and tiara in her magic. I'd been humiliated with it before and had no desire to be humiliated again.
"I'm going to give you five seconds to get out of my sight....or else," she hissed with chilling venom.
"One," she began, I didn't move.
"Two."
Still not moving. She wouldn't waste a good dress on a 'ruffian' like me.
"FIVE!" she yelled, lunging at me.
"Cheating bitch!" I yelled as a began to run away.
I made it to the front door where, as had become the norm, the universe decided to screw me over. Again.
The door flung open, scoring a direct hit on my muzzle.
"FUCK!" I screamed, nursing my bleeding nose.
"Thank you, Applejack; your timing was impeccable," Rarity said as I heard her walk over. I staggered to my hooves and began to nurse my bleeding nose.
"No problem Rarity, here's them apples you asked for."
"Thank you Applejack, would you be a dear and put them in my kitchen and get some tissues please."
"Sure thing, Rares."
I watched as Applejack left, leaving me with the Demon Seamstress. I began to move away bus was quickly stopped by Rarity.
"Don't! You! Dare!" she seethed, "You will stay where you are so I can clean your nose up."
"It wouldn't be bleeding if you didn't give me reason to run."
"You wouldn't need to run had you not given me reason to test my wares on you. Again."
"All I said was-"
"All you said was 'why would any mare want to wear this sh-...well, a lady doesn't use such language," Rarity replied, closing her eyes and putting her head in an upwards position in a very 'noble' like way.
"I'm not wearing one of your dresses. Search around and you might find some stallions who would entertain you. But not me."
"Oh, really?" she asked, looking back to me and raising an eyebrow.
"Yes."
"And how would you know this?"
"The same kind of guys existed in my world."
I saw Rarity roll her eyes, "Of course, I forgot. You come from a world of talking, hairless apes. "
"That's right," I replied, "Not matter how ridiculous it seems yet no-one will listen, let alone believe me."
I looked back at Rarity whose expression was now impossible to read. After several seconds, Applejack returned.
"Here you go, Mr Human," she said, hoofing a tissue over.
"Thanks," I replied, holding a tissue to my nose.
"You're welcome. So, trying on another dress?"
"No."
Applejack only laughed, "Then why are you here?"
"Learning to play the violin."
"That's great. Rarity's a good teacher."
"What?" I asked, in genuine shock.
"Rarity has been playin' the violin since she was a filly."
I looked from Applejack to Rarity who only nodded in confirmation.
"I don't-"
In a flash, Rarity teleported a violin onto view and began to play it.
Excellently well.
"-believe you."
I stared on blankly in disbelief. I said that as a sarky comment, not to be taken literally or unintentionally legitimate.
Applejack walked up to me and put a foreleg around me, "Dresses, tiaras, violins, tea, Rarity might never let you leave."
That scared the absolute shit out of me.
"See you later Rares; you too, Princess."
"Fuck off!"
Applejack just laughed and shut the door behind her. If I had a brick I would have thrown it at her. Turning back around I saw Rarity looking pissed off once more. Does she ever have a different expression?
"What now?" I asked.
"What did I say about swearing in my boutique?"
"I don't give a fuck."
Rarity stomped a hoof down hard and marched right up top me.
"Listen to me now, Mister! Ever since you arrived here you have been brutish, rude, unsociable, uncouth, foul mouthed and confrontational. It ends, NOW!"
"It doesn't end now!" I yelled back, "It never will. It will never end until someone believes me!"
Rarity didn't say anything back, but instead looked at me fore several seconds; her face softening the entire time. Looking all over me, I had a feeling things were about to take an interesting turn.
"I tell you what, Hawker, I'll make you a deal. And I will only make it here and now. If you refuse, I will not extend the offer again."
"I'm listening."
"You come with me, right now, to the spa for a full treatment."
I wanted to tell her to piss off, but I held my tongue; remembering what she said.
"Why a spa treatment?" I asked.
"Your hooves are in terrible shape, I can only imagine how painful it is walking on them."
I didn't want to admit it but she was right. It was painful walking but I had no idea how to care for my hooves and I'd be laughed at if I asked.
"Also," Rarity continued, "Your wings need a good preen. It's little wonder you struggle with flying considering the state they're in. Also, your fur needs a good brush, it's looking rather tattered. Your mane and tail too could also do with a good clean.,"
"And how exactly do I pay for this? I'm skint in case you've forgotten."
"Skint?"
"Broke? As in I have no money."
"Oh, I've never heard of the term before."
"Probably because it's a term from where I come from."
"If you say so. But fear not, because I will pay for the treatment."
"Really?"
"Yes. I meant what I said with my offer. So. Mr Hurricane, shall we head to the spa now?"
I followed Rarity into the spa, very conscious of the looks I was getting. I didn't know for certain what would be done to me, only that I would be getting the full treatment. I continued following Rarity and one of the spa ponies into the back rooms and at myself down as instructed.
"So what's the first thing I'm having done?"
"We will both have our hooves fully manicured. In your case, they will be completely cleaned."
"Does it hurt?"
"No."
"How long does it last?"
"As long as it needs to if you want perfectly manicured hooves."
I didn't, but this was the only way to get her to listen to me.
"When do you want me to start talking?"
"Not yet darling, but I promise I will listen."
After my hooves were tended to, I admittedly felt better already, and walking was no longer painful. I followed Rarity to what looked like a bath hidden behind privacy curtains.
"Get in, darling," Rarity said, dropping her dressing gown at the pool side, "It's lovely and warm."
Following suit, I dropped my dressing gown and got in to, the very warm water immediately feeling joyous.
"Just settle down and relax," Rarity said, "And tell me what you want to say."
This is it. The moment I've been waiting ages for. The chance to finally be heard without ridicule or interruption.
"Well, where should I start?"
"What not tell me your 'human' name?"
I told her my actual name, and the names of the places of where I was born and lived. I couldn't tell if she believed me or not, but she was at least listening.
"It sounds like a nice place."
"It has its positives. Pity I'll never see it again. Still, there's some things I won't miss from there, school for instance."
"What was your school life like?"
"School was a bit shit. Teachers who had little interest in teaching and parents who seldom ever came to my defence. I had a lonely childhood. No true friends and often on my own."
"Surely there was somepony you spent time with?"
"Not really. I was very much a loner. I struggled with confidence a lot, always uneasy in front of crowds and audiences."
"Fluttershy is very similar, she too hates being in front of ponies".
"Fluttershy has friends to support her. I have no friends. And no girlfriend for that matter either, never even been on a date."
"Surely you jest?" Rarity replied, looking shocked. I should have expected as such from a romantic like her.
I shook my head, "I'm only ever seen as a friend. I eventually gave up."
"There's somepony out there for everypony."
"Not for me."
This tired old argument. Why is it hard for some to accept that not everyone is going to be lucky in love? A romantic like Rarity would never understand. Clearly though, she saw it was an awkward topic and decided to move on.
"Well what about work? Or your hobbies?"
"Work wise I have a mediocre job. It pays the bills and whatnot but it's not something to be prideful of. I'm not really a talented person. I don't excel at anything, I just...drift by. Unnoticed."
"Surely there's one thing you're really good at? Your special talent?"
"Being a loser? Does that count."
Rarity looked at me with what looked like pity. She needn't bother giving it, I don't want pity. I'm just saying it as it is.
"What about your family?" she continued, "What where they like?"
"I had an abusive childhood. The only physical contact I had as a child was when I got hit."
"Surely you jest?" Rarity asked, worry evident on her voice.
I shook my head, "No. Never once got a hug from my parents, and later on they wondered why I was always distant with them."
"They couldn't realise why?"
"They would deny what they did. They've been out of my life for years now and I don't miss them, nor do I have any desire to reconcile or anything ofd the sort. Good riddance to them."
Not much was said after that. Rarity thankfully not prying for info in what was still a sore wound. I don't talk about that as it brings my anger to boiling point and can sometimes get the better of me.
The rest of the spa treatment went well and as much as I hate to admit it, I actually enjoyed it. And I did feel better after having my fur cleaned, mane and tail brushed and wings preened.
I was waiting on the reception area while Rarity paid for our treatment, with my mid wondering back to the start of the day when I was the victim of a juvenile prank. Covered in treacle to now feeling like a new pony, I wondered where I would go now. I was again jobless, and was broke. That and I left what few possessions I had in my dorm at Wonderbolt HQ. Hopefully Spitfire had managed to salvage them before they too were subjected to a treacle shower.
"Are you alright, darling?"
I looked up and saw Rarity in front of me again.
"I'm OK."
"You don't sound so sure."
"I'll be fine, just a lot on my mind. Thanks for the spa treatment anyway.'
"You're welcome. You certainly look better for it."
"I feel better. So, what now?"
"Well I'm heading back to my boutique, I have a few commissions to work on. What about you?"
"I think I'll look around a bit more. There's still plenty of daylight left."
"Well, enjoy the rest of your day, darling,", Rarity replied, surprising me with a hug.
I returned it, enjoying her embrace. Apart from smelling nice I enjoyed the moment and the hug was sincere, not done just for show or routine.
"Goodbye, Hawker. Don't be a stranger."
"Bye, Rarity," I replied as I watched her leave. I soon followed and began to make my way towards to water fountain In the centre of town, if only to relax on the bright afternoon sun. Finding an empty bench in the shade of an oak tree, I sat myself down and allowed myself to drift off to sleep, getting some much needed rest.
Unfortunately however, that wasn't to last long.
"Hawker Hurricane!"
I looked up from my snoozing to see two Solar Guards standing over me.
"You are under arrest for verbal assault and are summoned to appear before Her Majesty Princess Twilight Sparkle. Come with me at once."
"Fuck off."
The guards did not like my response and immediately slapped some hoof cuffs on me and secured my wings on place. I tried resisting but to no avail. All it resulted in was being almost dragged to Twilight's crystal eyesore.
Being dragged through town was humiliating enough, even more so with ponies watching. Within minutes, I was in Twilight's throne room where the might Princess herself was sitting on her crystal throne, flanked by the Elements . Twilight had her tiara on while the girls had their element necklaces on. Rarity too was there and she looked somewhat disheartened, while Rainbow and Applejack looked like they wanted to flay me alive. Fluttershy was trying to hide behind her mane while Pinkie....her mane and tail were flat. I got the feeling that wasn't a good thing.
I was still being dragged rather roughly towards Twilight, much to my displeasure.
"Unhand me you fascist pricks!"
"Silence!" the guard bellowed as they shoved me into the dock.
Bowing before Twilight, the guards force me into a bow as well.
"Let go of me you bastards!"
"Be silent!" Twilight shouted, "Court is in session."
"Fuck you and your tinpot kangaroo court," I snarled, forcing my head up to look her dead in the eye.
The guards looked like they wanted to twat me but Twilight held them off.
"Guards, at ease," she said.
The two guards backed off slightly, allowing Twilight to address me.
"Hawker Hurricane, you stand accused of verbal assault. How do you plead?"
"Verbal what? Are you fucking serious?"
"ORDER!" Twilight bellowed, slamming her hoof down three times, "There will be no swearing in this court unless use of such language is specifically required to answer questions put forward. Swear one more time without valid reason and you will be found guilty of contempt of court. Now how do you plead?"
"Not guilty and I find this entire 'trial' an utter farce."
"The court notices your comments. Also, the five remaining Elements of Harmony have the right to raise objections and will serve as jury for this trial. Bring in the first witness."
Wow. A proper jury couldn't be formed yet but her friends conveniently are? I watched as Mr Cake walked in and took his place in the witness box, scowling at me the entire time.
"Mr Cake," Twilight began, "For the Court Record, please state your name, occupation and residence."
"My name is Carrot Cake, and I'm a baker and joint owner of Sugarcube Corner. I live in the flat above the store with my wife, Cup Cake."
"Thank you, Mr Cake. Now, please tell the court what transpired earlier today."
"Well, I was baking a fresh batch of cupcakes for the mid-afternoon rush when I heard the door bell chime. I was going to go to the store front but heard my wife was already there so I remained in the back."
"Did you know who had entered?"
"Yes, I recognised his voice."
"For the record," Twilight continued, "Please state the name of the pony whose voice you recognised."
"Hawker Hurricane, the same pony currently in the dock."
"Thank you. Please continue with your testimony."
It took a lot of effort to not laugh at how much of a farce this was. If you went to a local police station with this they'd laugh you out the door.
"I heard my wife offer the...defendant...a cupcake. He took it but started complaining that it was too sweet-"
"OBJECTION!" Pinkie yelled, "THOSE CUPCAKES ARE NOT TO SWEET!"
"Pinkie Pie," Twilight replied, "Whether the cupcakes were too sweet for the defendant is not the issue on trial, also such a matter is one of an opinion, not a fact. Objection denied."
Twilight actually showing some neutrality in this matter? I'd have thought she would be all to willing to disregard the rules simply because it's me she's dealing with.
"Please continue, Mr Cake. What happened after the defendant started complaining?"
"He threw the rest of the cupcake in the bin. I was angry, wasting it like that. He said 'what else was I supposed to do with it' or very similar words. I again argued they were perfect and that's when he said what he said."
"What did he say, Mr Cake? I assure you you will not be in trouble for repeating the words."
"He said.....it's called having an opinion you...f-f-fucking....cunt."
Mr Cake looked like he wanted to faint now too. I looked up at the girls and their reactions were what you'd expect them to be and not much different from before. Applejack and Rainbow looked like they wanted to let their hooves deliver justice, Fluttershy was breathing rapidly into a brown paper bag, Pinkie was now brandishing a large rolling pin and Rarity looked....disappointed.
"Hawker Hurricane," Twilight said firmly, "What say you in your defense?"
"I gave him my honest opinion and it was too much for his brain to cope with."
"Did you swear at him in the way he described?"
"Yes."
"You admit to using those words but you pleaded not guilty?" Twilight asked.
"How is him being butthurt a criminal act?"
"Is that all you have to say?"
"You've already decided to rule against me, why waste my breath?"
"The jury will consider your guilt."
Twilight turned to the girls who each wrote on some parchment and handed them over to Twilight. I saw her raise an eyebrow slightly, as if surprised by something.
"Hawker Hurricane, you have been found guilty by majority vote of 4-1 of verbal assault. I hearty sentence you to one month community service and pay a fine of two hundred bits to the victim. Case dismissed."
I felt the hoof cuffs being removed and immediately felt my anger rise to boiling point.
"Are you fucking serious?!"
"EXCUSE ME!" Twilight yelled, "DO YOU WISH FOR ME TO FINE YOU FOR CONTEMPT OF COURT AS WELL?!"
"One month of slave labour and a two hundred bit fine because one mare can't handle a bit of strong language?!"
"It's community service!" Twilight yelled back in response, "And the fine was-"
"Was what?! I don't even have a hundred bits to my name! In case you forgot Twilight, I'm destitute. How am I going to pay a fine with no money?!"
"That's not my problem, but if you don't pay it will increase two hundred bits each time you are sent official court reminders."
"I can't pay the stupid fine. I don't have a job!"
"As I recall, you did have one until you walked out of it because of a prank."
Sick of her condescending bullshit, I quickly reached out and grabbed her tiara, surpassing myself with the speed and accuracy I used.
"Give that back now!" Twilight demanded.
Why she couldn't just magic it back onto her head I don't know, but she does seem the sort to overlook simple solutions to simple problems.
"Why? So you can lord yourself over me? Take it upon yourself to mess with my life because one wimpy stallion can't take criticism?"
"I don't need to explain myself to you. Now give that tiara back, NOW!"
Ignoring her, I began placing the tiara on my head and before I could start mimicking Twilight's mannerisms and voice, something very strange happened.
I don't know how to describe it, other than I began feeling woozy and tired.
All of a sudden I felt like I was being judged. By what I don't know, but I didn't feel in any danger.
I could see my entire life layout before me. The whole worthless saga of disappointment and failure.
I don't know how long it lasted, but I remember it ending and my vision going blurry before collapsing into a heap on the floor.
When I finally woke up again I found myself in a hospital bed. I had expected to be shackled to the bed but the noticeable helmet of a guard through the room door window was probably enough of a deterrent, they thought, to stop me from escaping.
They can have all the guards they want. I'm not doing community service nor am I paying that fine.
It wasn't long before the door opened for what I assumed was the doctor doing his usual rounds.
"Oh, you're awake."
"So it appears."
"How are you feeling?"
"Fine. What happened?"
"I don't know. All Princess Twilight said was after you...put on her tiara-"
I felt a bit silly hearing that.
"-it acted in a very unusual manner. Did you experience anything while wearing it?"
"I didn't feel any pain, if that's what you mean. But I did feel....something. Like I was being judged, or watched."
"Anything else?" the doctor asked, taking down notes.
"Not really," I replied, deciding against telling him about seeing my life flash before me. He wouldn't believe me any way.
"I would like to pass this information on to Princess Twilight, with your permission. It might help her find out what happened. After all, an Element of Harmony artifact behaved in a very unusual manner to one not its bearer. She has a very serious interest in finding out what happened."
"Fine. While you're here, do you have my record on file?"
"We had a copy hot mailed to us. I can have it brought to you soon."
"Hot mailed?"
"You've not heard..." the doctor replied, "It essentially uses the same magic Princess Twilight's assistant uses when communicating with Princess Celestia. Princess Twilight adapted it to allow communications over vast distances from multiple sources. It allows hospitals for instance to much more quickly send and receive patient records."
"Cool. There's something similar in my world."
"Errrr, yes. In the meantime, I'll leave you be. A nurse will be arriving shortly with lunch, vegetable soup."
"Lunch?"
"Yes. You were out the whole night. Also, I'd advise against leaving. There's guards posted outside your room. I tried to prevent it but I was overruled in the matter."
"I won't try to run. I'm hungry."
"All the more reason to stay," the doctor replied with a small laugh, "Rest now, Mr Hurricane. I'll check on you again later where we'd like to run some tests just to ensure there's no...side effects from your experience."
"Fine. I'll see you then."
I had my lunch and it was probably the best meal I'd had since arriving in this silly little world. Unfortunately, my good mood was to be ruined by the arrival of Equestria's Godmother.
"I hear you have been causing trouble."
"Do come in," I replied, my voice dripping with sarcasm, "Make yourself at home."
"Don't use that tone with me, subject."
"Fuck off, I don't take orders from you or obey you. You are NOT my princess. There is only one sovereign I answer to and that sure as shit isn't you!" I shouted, pointing a hoof at her.
Holding off her guards with a raised wing, she turned back to me. A stern scowl formed on Celestia's face as she slowly approached me.
"Listen to me, and listen well my little pony. You are my subject and as such you will obey me. You have been a very troublesome pony ever since Twilight told me of you. The ponies of this town have overwhelmingly negative views of you."
"I don't care what they think."
"You should."
"Why should I? They don't give a shit about me."
"Do NOT swear at me."
"Fuck off.'
Celestia said nothing for a few seconds as she continued to stare angrily at me, neither of us breaking eye contact. Eventually, she decided to speak.
"You will serve the sentence laid down by Princess Twilight or I will have you thrown in the dungeons for contempt of the crown."
"You have nothing but contempt of me yet that's OK? Fuck off and take your hypocrisy with you."
"Swear at me one more time and I'll-"
"You'll what?" I replied, getting to my hooves and inner face, almost touching muzzles, "What could you possibly do to me that's worse than I'm already suffering? Just piss off Celestia and stop adding to my misery."
I watched as Celestia stood back a bit and pulled it some parchment and a quill, making a note of some sort.
"Guard, deliver this to Princess Twilight. It informs her that Mr Hurricane is having his community service sentence extended by three months to a total of four months, and an additional fine of 1,000 bits for contempt of the crown."
"Yes ma'am," the guard replied with a bow before leaving.
"I hate you," I said in a hiss with venom, looking at Celestia, "I fucking hate you."