Celestia regrets having sent her sister to the moon. Luna wonders if her sister hates her.
Ponies all over Equestria rejoiced over the defeat of Nightmare Moon. These ponies had no idea about the cost it took to grant them this peace. Princess Celestia had to seal her own beloved sister, Luna, away on the moon. For the first time she is going to have to raise her sister's moon. She wonders if there had been something she could've done to prevent her sister's descent into darkness.
Nightmare Moon was finally defeated. Since Discord, Equestria had never seen such terror. In one last desperate battle Princess Celestia managed to save Equestria from being plunged into eternal darkness. The sun rose again for the first time in almost two weeks. Harmony was restored. Why wouldn’t everypony want to celebrate? Parades and parties were being held in Celestia’s honor all over the country, but every last one of them had a special guest of honor missing. Princess Celestia was nowhere to be found.
The Princess resigned herself from the festivities. There would be no grand speeches or retellings of that last fateful battle. Not even at the main festival currently being held in Canterlot. All of the praise she received today rang hollow in her ears. If she listened to one more pony singing her praise then she’d likely burst into tears on the spot. This couldn’t be allowed no matter how much she wanted to. She needed to keep a brave face for her little ponies. They would require a strong leader to guide them through the times ahead and she would do her best to fit that role. Nopony could know about the hurt she felt when she banished Nightmare Moon to the moon for one thousand years. Because despite of everything that Nightmare Moon did, deep down inside, she was still her beloved little sister, Luna.
She banished her own sister and still everypony praised her for her actions! It was too cruel, but she couldn’t tell them to stop. Nopony except her knew about the true identity of Nightmare Moon. This is exactly as it would stay. She wouldn’t allow her sister’s name to be tarnished because she couldn’t handle their praise. So she’d bear this burden as best she could. Only when she found herself alone would she allow the tears to fall.
Quietly Celestia sat by the edge of a lake just outside of Canterlot. The whoops and hollers of celebration were faint, but she could still hear them. The noise made her feel sick to her stomach. Even out here she couldn’t find sanctuary. For hours she didn’t stir or make a sound. Everything became cast in an orange glow, but the beauty wouldn’t find an audience with her. That glow meant that soon she’d have to raise the moon, Luna’s moon.
“Was there something I could’ve done to stop you?” Celestia asked peering up into the heavens. “How did we end up like this dear sister?”
She could remember the day her parents brought home a small foal swallowed by an oversized blanket. Luna giggled at her approach. For some reason her heart raced as she got closer. What if her little sister didn’t like her? But her fears were short lived. She felt an immediate connection form between the two of them the moment she laid eyes on her sister.
“You were such a happy foal. I wish you could’ve stayed that way. I still know your first word. Wow this makes me feel old! You’d tried to say my name, but all you could ever pronounce was Tia.” Celestia found herself amused by the memory. That little nickname stuck with her throughout life and became the catalyst to the most important promise that she ever made.
“No matter what I will be there for you,” she recited quietly. What a simple and heartfelt promise. It should’ve been easy to keep right?
As her older sister, she felt a duty to protect her. But often it is the most important promises made that end up being broken. If she knew about the consequences of her actions beforehand then she would’ve tried harder. Shouldn’t she of tried harder regardless? Youth had blinded her. How could she have known that her failure would cause her sister’s descent into darkness?
“Luna I tried to keep my promise to you.” She looked at her reflection in the clear lake water. If she didn’t know any better she would’ve said that her reflection glared at her. She sighed. “No I didn’t. Sister do you remember the day I was assigned to raise the sun? My nerves were getting the better of me that day, but then you came into my room and do you remember what you said to me? You said, ‘Someday I hope to be like you Tia!’” Her lips curved into a brief smile. “I never told you this, but your words gave me the confidence to perform my task. I should’ve told you.
“Luna, you don’t want to be like me. I became so enraptured by my own glory that I didn’t see the pain I was causing you. You have to believe me; I never intended to hurt you! Yet even when you confronted me I still couldn’t see your pain. Though maybe I could and was just trying to turn a blind eye.”
The first time Luna confronted her about the sun’s favoritism was on the day of the first Summer Sun Celebration. A day set in honor for her sun bringing light and warmth to the land. Before that day she never realized just how much all the ponies loved her. The adoration from the crowds intoxicated her.
At some point Luna pulled her aside to address her concerns about the overt praise of the sun and the negligence of the moon. “‘Aren’t the sun and the moon supposed to be equals?’” The words her sister had said rang true in her ears. Why shouldn’t she have her own celebration too? It would only be fair.
“I told you that I would have a talk with everypony. I told you that I would make them see the value of your night. I said all of this, but I never followed through. I was under such a high from all of the praise that I… I dismissed your concerns to nothing but petty jealousy! It was so wrong of me. In the end, I had absolutely no attention of speaking to our citizens! Not a day, week, or month later. Not ever!” Celestia paused shaken by her own words. Did she really never intend to tell anypony about her sister’s concerns?
Looking back she could see the sorrow etched subtly in her sister’s face. It both amazed and horrified her to know that she suppressed seeing something so obvious for so long. Couldn’t she have done something to comfort her sister? “I… you deserve better than me. I failed you. I don’t deserve to be your sister.” She felt tears rolling off her cheeks. “I have a confession to make. A time came when even in my forced obliviousness I could no longer chock up your concerns as nothing but jealousy. I saw how everypony kept treating you, but I still didn’t act. Even after the night I saw you sitting on your room’s balcony.”
Every night she’d pass by her sister’s bedroom door en-route to her own room. That night hadn’t been different. Her bed’s covers were calling out to her with the promise of a warm embrace. However, something interrupted her before she could answer their call. Her sister’s normally closed door was ajar ever so slightly. Simple curiosity drove her to peer inside. This is when she saw Luna. Her sister’s eyes appeared red and puffy, like she had been crying for a long time. This wasn’t the worst thing she saw though. No, the worst had to be that dejected expression as she gazed at the empty world below.
“I saw the effect of what everypony’s negligence was doing to you; I saw what my negligence was doing to you. Right then I should’ve done something. I should’ve hugged you on the spot. I could’ve apologized and finally acted like your big sister. Instead I left. Without a sound I closed your door and pretended that I didn’t see anything! That night I bet you decided to take matters into your own hooves didn’t you?
“Luna, did you know that after our fight the Elements of Harmony abandoned me like I abandoned you? I feel empty. Sister, without you I have no one. Is this what loneliness feels like? Did you feel this way when you sat on that balcony? I am truly sorry.” She sighed. “I… suppose my apology is too little too late isn’t it?”
Celestia remained aware of each second that passed. For each second dimmed her light and brought her one step closer to her greatest fear. Now the sun completely vanished beyond the horizon. Underneath the scrutiny of millions of stars the time arrived for the moon to rise, but she wasn’t ready!
“Please don’t make me do it! I… I can’t do this right now! Please… just a… just a little more time. Please.” She knew that her pleads were futile. Equestria needed the night and she had a job to do. Still it couldn’t hurt to try, right? The moon rose unhindered by her pleas. Just looking at it burned a hole into her being.
All of her strength was sapped from her body. She collapsed in despair. The moon reached its apex. On its surface she could see the monument to her greatest sin. A picture of her sister, carved into its surface. Her tears flowed freely and they wouldn’t stop.
“They say that time makes things better, but how can time heal the pain I’m feeling?” she asked barley louder than a whisper. “I did this to you!” she shouted. “It should be me up there. I should be punished not you! There are so many things that I would do differently. If I could give up my life, selfish it may be, I would. I’d do in a heartbeat to spend another minute with you! Luna I… I just want you to know that I love you and miss you. And I know I don’t deserve to ask this, but… please, can you ever forgive me?”
“Come on this isn’t funny anymore!” Luna said as she tried and failed again to teleport back to Equestria. Was Tia playing a joke on her or something? You foal; you still believe that this is just a joke? Look at where you are!
Okay, maybe this could be considered a bit excessive sending her to the moon and all. But surly her sister had a reason for sending her here, right? Think about it! How many times have you tried to return to Equestria? How many times were you just sent back where you started? You know what this means. “No, she wouldn’t.” Are you sure? You were trying to plunge her beloved Equestria into eternal darkness after all. “But—” Just admit it! Your sister banished you!
No, this couldn’t be true. There was no way that her sister would banish her! Tia always loved her jokes. She probably just decided to play a particularly cruel prank on her to punish her for not lowering the moon for a couple of weeks. Any minute now Tia would bring her back and confirm that this was just a prank. She’d then apologize to her older sister for things getting so out of hoof. Everything would be fine.
You really believe that don’t you? Do you think she will be so quick to forgive you after what you’ve done? “I would’ve lowered the moon eventually.” No you wouldn’t have! “Yes, of course I would've!” You think that you can lie to yourself? Do you think it will help you sleep better tonight? A lie is still a lie and in the morning you will still be trapped here.
A chill traveled down her spine. Did her sister really send her away? The thought terrified her. Was she… shunned? No, Tia wouldn’t do that would she? She knew how much she hated being alone, right? She’d never do this. You really think that don’t you? This is rich! Do you actually think that your sister paid you any attention? All she cares about are her subjects and herself. Forget Luna.
“Tia please I don’t want to be alone again! I’m sorry. Things weren’t supposed to get this crazy. Honest. I just wanted our citizens’ love and respect that’s all! I just wanted what you had. Please, Tia, I… I’m scared; don’t abandon me here!” You’re not completely abandoned. I’m here with you; I will always be here with you.
Her mind went back to her fillyhood. Back then her sister had always been there for her. One night in particular stood out. A nightmare had awoken her from a deep slumber. The details of the nightmare were lost to the passage of time. All she remembered now was that it terrified her. No longer could she go back to sleep. Every creak from the castle caused her to jolt. Shadows loomed over her bed like demons. Without a second thought she dashed out of her room and into her sister’s room next-door. When she woke her sister up she had tears streaming down her face.
“Do you remember what happened next, Tia? You didn’t get upset; you didn’t kick me out. Instead you wiped away my tears and do you know what you told me? ‘Why don’t you sleep with me for the night? I’ll keep you safe from the shadows.’ Right then I felt so lucky to have you as my big sister. I guess not even you could save me from my own darkness. We used to be so close when did we start to drift apart?” Not that she ever tried to save you. Face it Luna. Your precious big sister doesn’t care for you as much as you thought.
That wasn’t right. She knew her sister cared for her deeply. That’s just why she banished you because she “cares!” Do you still honestly believe she cares for you? You do don’t you? Fine, then can you tell me who is going to raise the moon in your absence? “I had forgotten about the moon, but how can I move it if my magic won’t work right? The only other pony that could do it is… Tia.” Exactly! She has replaced you with herself. I bet that Celestia planned to replace you from the start. Now there is no need for her to share her spotlight. I bet that she is glad to have you gone! “No. There is no way. None! She told me… she told me that we were going to rule as equals! She’d never replace me… right?”
It was too horrible to think of. Her only sister replacing her! That’s right. Your sister doesn’t love you. She hates you! “Please don’t say that!” she sobbed. “Is it true sister? Do you hate me? Do you not love me anymore? Please tell me that you don’t hate me.” She waited for an answer that would never come. Your sister can’t hear your cries. Even if she could she’d ignore you just like all of the other times. Face the music. At this moment everypony including your sister is probably celebrating your banishment! Soon everypony will forget that you even existed. The forgotten princess!
Why did this have to happen? How did everything end up so wrong? She only wanted some recognition, some respect, some… love. Were these things too much to ask for? Now she’d lost everything including the most important pony to her. “How did we end up like this Tia?” You already know the answer to that. It all started on that first night.
Excitement filled the air that day for her. It would be the first time that she raised the moon. From atop her bedroom’s balcony she could see ponies gathered in the streets. The sun had gone for the day. Everypony waited for her to raise the glorious moon. However, as she raised it something began to happen. All the ponies were going inside! Why didn’t they cheer as exuberantly for her as they did for her sister’s sunrise? Where were the children that should be playing under the moon’s gentle glow? How come everypony was going inside?
You know why. They didn’t appreciate you! Nopony understood the beauty you brought with the bringing of night. They cast you aside in favor of your sister’s sun. Even when you blanketed their lands with millions of stars they still wouldn’t love you like they loved Celestia! In fact wasn’t it your sister who told you that they were just tired? Didn’t she say that tomorrow would be different?
“Yes.” Was tomorrow different? “No.” What about the day after that? How about the day after that? Tell me if you ever saw a change. “No. It was always the same.” How did this make you feel? “I felt sad and… angry.” What did you do about it?
One morning she decided to leave the moon up. This time she wouldn’t go unnoticed and by the clamor in the streets she didn’t. Never before had the sun and moon been visible at the same time. From her balcony she could hear their confusion. This wasn’t how she wanted to get their attention, but it felt good to be noticed.
Her little stunt even got Tia’s attention. She wanted her sister to notice. When Tia confronted her about the ordeal she didn’t appear angry or anything. If possible her sister tried to ignore her more! Why couldn’t she yell or something? If she did then she’d at least have to acknowledge what she did, but she didn’t. In a straight voice she simply asked for her to lower the moon. That’s it. She didn’t even ask the most important question: why? Any joy she gathered from the attention disappeared. She didn’t protest and did as her sister asked.
“Do you know how lonely I felt right then, Tia? Couldn’t you have taken the time to ask, why? Why didn’t you ask me! Tell me!” That’s right let it all out. Let her have it! “You never knew what it felt like to be all alone. Everypony always loved you. Do you know what it’s like for me to live in your shadow? I hate you!” she screamed. Almost immediately she clasped her mouth with her hooves. So now it comes out!
“I… I didn’t mean it Tia!” Yes you did. “Why are you doing this to me?” You’re doing this to yourself. I am your darkness, born the moment your jealousy began. However, until your final decision I never had a name. “You’re Nightmare Moon.” No, we are Nightmare Moon. You and I are two sides to the same bit.
One night she decided that she had enough. She’d grown tired of being ignored by everypony. Her sister had so many chances to make them see, but she never did anything! It had come time to handle things herself. She reached her point of no return. This time the moon would rise and it would never lower again!
“What… what’ve I done?” You did what you needed to do. “There had to be a better way! Any other way! Tia would’ve gotten around to talking to them eventually. Tia, how long will it be before I get to see you again? I want to discover that these past couple weeks were nothing but a dreadful nightmare. I want to wake up.
“Tia, I love you so much. If you don’t feel the same way about me anymore I would… understand. It's scary being alone you know. Not having someone to protect you. I know that I don’t have any right to ask this, but can you… ever forgive me?” How touching. Don’t worry I’ll be here to keep you company the whole time.
Celestia couldn’t believe her eyes. After one thousand years there she lay in front of her, Luna was back! All traces of Nightmare Moon seemed to have been destroyed by the new bearers of the Elements of Harmony. Twilight and the others did what she couldn’t have all those many years ago; they saved her sister. She owed her most faithful student a great debt.
In the centuries leading up to this day she came up with a plan. This plan included all the things she wanted to express to her sister. She wanted to tell her about how she regretted banishing her. How she longed for the day she could hold her in her hooves again, but most importantly she wanted to tell her how sorry she is. However, now that she had her back her mind went blank. She’d been given a second chance and she had no idea where to start. Would Luna even want to hear what she had to say?
Celestia approached her sister’s prone form. “Luna,” she said softly. Her sister’s eyes shot open at the sound of her name.
When the two of them made eye contact, Luna’s eyes lit up like a little filly’s on Hearth’s Warming Eve. Then in a flash it vanished; the light was replaced by what she could only describe as fear. Luna shrank away from her as she approached. The sight of her sister like this made her eyes well up.
“Please sister, don’t be afraid of me,” she said bringing herself down to her sister’s level.
“I tried to plunge the world in darkness again,” Luna whispered.
Her sister spoke so softly that she almost missed what she’d said. After just getting her back did she really think she’d just send her away again? Why not? It’s what you did last time. She took a deep breath. Time to tell Luna how she felt, forget the plan.
“Don’t fear sister. I have no desire to send you away again. I made a terrible mistake that I realized a moment too late; I have regretted it ever since.” She paused briefly; her next words came out slowly as she resumed speaking, “Luna, I have a request to make of you. Though I don’t believe I have any right to, but do you… do you think you could accept my friendship again? I’d like to be your big sister once more.” She braced herself for the rejection that she expected would follow.
“I… I…” Luna stammered. The look on her little sister’s face was difficult to read. A swarm of emotions seemed to be flooding Luna all at once: Happiness, fear, doubt, sorrow, there were so many feelings that she recognized. At this moment she felt all those things too.
After a lingering silence her little sister did something that she never expected. Luna threw herself at her and buried her face into her chest. “I’m so sorry! I’ve missed you so much Tia!”
“I missed you too Luna,” she said as she rested her chin atop her sister’s head. Anything else that needed to be said could wait. For now she was just content with having her sister nuzzled against her. This time she’d make sure that she did things right. Luna would never have to feel alone again. I think this occasion calls for a celebration. In the background she could hear that somepony else had the same idea.
Celestia had no idea how it happened, but somehow an unnaturally energetic pony named Pinkie Pie managed to somehow commandeer the plans for Luna’s welcoming party. Of course seeing what the pink pony could do on such short notice impressed her. So she couldn’t say that she minded. Crowds cheered for her sister as they rode into Ponyville on a golden chariot.
“Sister who are these ponies cheering for?” Luna asked.
“Why they are cheering for you of course!”
“Me,” her sister said looking up at her in disbelief.
“Yes you.” Celestia couldn’t help but smile when she saw a large grin on her sister’s face. I can’t wait to see what you think of what I’m about to say next. “Luna, in order to properly welcome you back I want you to raise the moon.”
“Are you sure?”
“It would only be for a little while, but I think that if we are to rule together again then the moon should get just as much attention as the sun. Don’t you think so sister?”
Luna’s smile grew wider as she wrapped her hooves around Celestia. “Thank you,” she whispered.
Celestia felt a tear slide down her cheek at her sister’s thanks. Her sister thanked her for something that should’ve belonged to her from the start: The adoration of her subjects. At least now her eyes were open to what her sister needed. There would be a lot she’d need to make up for, but she was determined to make up for the past. Today her penance would begin.
***
The party went on late into the evening, but Luna enjoyed every second of it. When the time came for her and her sister to return to the castle she honestly felt tired. The Princess of the Night wanted to retire for the evening and it was almost time for the moon to be raised! This didn’t come as a surprise to either of them. Today had drained her both physically and emotionally. Tia assured her that she’d take care of the moon tonight so that she could rest.
Instead of heading straight off to bed she decided to wander the halls of the castle for a bit; even after all this time it was almost exactly as she remembered it. She had to admit that she felt a certain comfort knowing that at least one place in Equestria remained mostly untouched by the hands of time. One thousand years is a long time to catch up, but just how much did she miss in her absence? How much did she have to relearn?
It would take a long time, but she had the determination to make her readjustment work. Tomorrow she’d begin her studies and take back her duty of raising the moon. She had hope for tomorrow. Things were going to be different this time. However, even if they weren’t she’d still be okay. At least this time she’d have her sister with her and in the end she’s all that mattered. Even though she craved attention from her subjects all she really needed was affection from her sister.
Luna made her way to her bedroom. She threw herself on the bed and waited for a deep slumber to embrace her, but it never came. For what must’ve been hours she remained there on the bed in a state between slumber and consciousness. She knew the problem. Her banishment weighed heavily on her mind. If she wanted to get any rest tonight then she had to get some answers.
She felt a little awkward pestering her sister at such a late hour, but she went to her door anyway. “Tia,” she said opening the door as quietly as possible. “I’m sorry to disturb you at such an hour, but—” Then she noticed that her sister’s room was empty. Where is she then? Is she still in her study?
She decided to try there next. To her surprise her sister was indeed there. Tia was lying in front of a lit fireplace writing something down on a piece of parchment. “Umm, Tia, do you have a moment?” she asked while pawing at the ground.
Her sister put her quill down and said, “Luna I thought you were in bed.”
“I couldn’t sleep. I wish to discuss something with you if you’ve got the time available.”
“Of course I do. Come lie next to me. Tell me what is on your mind. Though I have a feeling I know what it is.”
Luna laid herself down by her sister’s side. “It’s about my banishment.”
“I thought so. What would you like me to say, sister? What could I say to put your mind at rest?”
“I… don’t know. Maybe, just, why?”
“Why? This is an easy question without an easy answer. I’ll tell you what I eventually told myself. I did it because Equestria was dying. Under constant moonlight there was no way Equestria would’ve survived much longer.”
“Weren’t there any other options? Did you even try to find any?”
“I suppose I could have talked to you, but I was too ashamed of myself at the time to even try.”
“So instead you decided to send me to the moon! You sent me to the moon for one thousand years because you couldn’t talk to me?”
Celestia winced at her words. “That’s not—”
“That’s not what, fair?” Luna snapped. “Do you know what it was like for me up there? I was alone and terrified. I missed you! I thought that you hated me and didn’t love me anymore. I thought that you replaced me!” She got up and trotted a short distance away. Right now she just couldn’t bring herself to look at her sister.
“Do you think I had an easy time banishing you?” Celestia snapped back. “Do you think it was easy for me to see your face on the moon every night? Knowing that because of me you were there in the first place? Do you— Luna…”
She tried to stifle herself, but couldn’t. All the things that she felt on the moon were returning full force. The grief wracked at her body. “Luna.” She heard her sister say again. Then she felt hooves on her shoulders.
Celestia turned her around. Luna could see the tears dripping down her sister’s cheeks when she looked down at her with a soft expression. “One thousand years Tia,” she whimpered.
“I know. I wish that things had gone differently. That maybe I could’ve acted like the sister you deserved. Maybe all of this could’ve been avoided. I can’t offer you a good explanation for my actions back then. To this day I am still trying to figure it out and I probably will still be trying when the sun sets for its final time. All you need to know is this: I love you. I always have and I always will.” Her sister embraced her tightly. “Now come on. Let’s lie by the fire again.”
A silence fell between them for a few minutes before Luna thought of something else to ask. “Tia, what if my darkness comes back?” It was the only question that she had left.
“Then I shall try to save you from it. I won’t lose you again.”
Luna nestled closer to her sister and laid her head down. That was the answer she hoped for. With her mind at ease, she could feel her eyelids grow heavy.
***
Celestia smiled at her sister. Luna had fallen asleep. “May your dreams be sweet,” she whispered as she draped a wing over her body.
In the quite she wondered what the future had in store for them. It wouldn’t be easy whatever it was. There would be high and low points, but no matter what they would stick with each other this time. Because that is what sisters do, they protect each other, through it all.
“I love you big sister,” Luna said with a yawn.
“I love you too little sister,” She said resting her head next to her sister’s. This reminds me of the time you came into my room because of that nightmare. Do you remember that night? I always loved that memory.
