Only Twilight thought they needed a users manual. Hang on tight.
This is the creation of the Elements of Harmony's users manual, from the point of view of a certain number 1 assistant.
Twilight decides one morning, that she needs to create a guide on the use and properties of the Elements of Harmony, using the scientific method as her (rough and incomplete) guide.
This is always how it starts, she calls for a supply roll call, and before we know it, the tree is on fire.
“Check.”
I wonder if she even sees the signs when she is slipping into an obsessive frenzy?
“Quills.”
Or maybe she sees them but can’t stop herself, I wonder if she needs help?
“Check.”
I should really read over ‘Psychological Problems for the Pragmatist’ sometime.
“Ink.”
Or maybe I could compile a list of books that could help her and go through them all, ranked by applicability.
“Check.”
Great, now I am thinking like her.
“Okay Spike, take a letter please.”
Oh, that I didn’t expect. Normally it’s progressed to a list or a schedule by the time her mane is this frizzy, must be a touchy subject for her to get so worked up over.
“Dear princess Celestia.”
Yup, called it.
“I am writing to tell you of a wonderful lesson on friendship I learned today.”
Okay.... She didn’t do anything today, not even her morning chores.
“I learned how important it is to trust that your friends will understand your reasoning, instead of worrying for hours and hours on end.... Actually spike, take away the repeat, I don’t want to sound too desperate.”
As usual, I transcribe everything she says, not editing it at all. I can always use being a ‘baby dragon’ as an excuse. Celestia needs to know how panicked Twilight is.
“With this new lesson in mind, I would like to request the use of the Elements of harmony, to further my study of the magic of friendship.”
Oh, here we go.
“I understand that you may be apprehensive to allow me to run tests on them, but I assure you I will take the utmost diligence in their safekeeping and proper use.”
Oh boy, lying to the princess already? Proper use does not sound like Twilight Sparkle.
“This would be in the pursuit of the knowledge required to construct a Users Manual for future bearers of the elements to refer to.”
As if they require one. Put necklace on, feel happy, blast evil. Is there really anything beyond that? I am sure I will be writing a list answering that question later.
“Thank you for your assistance and understanding, your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.”
I sigh and look to her for approval before breathing a plume of green flame across the note, and watching as it vanishes in a cloud of ash.
“Why do you want to write a User’s manual anyway?” I ask incredulously.
“Spike, the Elements of Harmony are the most powerful artifacts in all of Equestria.” She says pointedly.
I stare blankly at her. “And?”
“And we have no idea how they work!” She cries out. “What if it comes down to a moment of crisis, all the world is hanging in the balance, but since we don’t know how the elements work, we FAIL?” She whispers the last bit, hooves held in front of her mouth in terror and eyes as wide as plates.
I wonder if she has slept in the last 48 hours.
“Now, I am going to need you to write up a list for me, of things that we are going to test.” Twilight tells me, suddenly grinning widely as she trots to her desk and grabs a brush in her magic to attempt a futile attack on her mane.
“We don’t know what Celestia is going to say though...” I remind her nervously.
I don’t like redoing work, I really don’t like doing work that ends up being useless.
“I’m sure it will be fine.” She says, as one eye twitches dangerously, and the brush dangles from a collection of knots.
“Okay... So, list title?” I ask, deciding that work is the lesser of two evils.
“Element Examination,” she says with a grin.
I wonder if there is a disease passed from writer to writer that forces them to alliterate when titling anything.
“Item one. Power output.” Twilight says, finally getting through a bunch of knots in her mane and working it towards its normal shape.
“How do you test magical output?” I ask curiously.
“We won’t finish this list if you ask questions, but I prefer using light and heat output to measure a spell’s power. The more light and heat are produced, the more powerful it is.”
I ponder the giant glowing rainbow of concentrated friendship that I had seen first hand. “Uh huh.”
“Item two. Power draw. Item...”
“How do you draw power?” I interrupt.
She glares at me but then sighs and shrugs. She likes explaining her ideas and she knows it.
“Not drawing like a picture, it means how much power it uses.”
“But you six didn’t seem tired at all after using the elements.” I point out.
“That’s what I’m talking about!” She spins on me frantically. “What if the Elements of Harmony are sucking our life force out of us to fuel the beams, and we would never even know it!” She says dramatically, face an inch from mine.
“Ehehehe.... yeah.” I say as I write it down. “Next?”
“Item three. Usage parameters.”
I wasn’t going to ask what she meant by this after her last outburst, but she continued undeterred by my lack of interest.
“I mean, what if the Elements don’t work in cold weather?” Twilight gasps. “All of Equestria could be doomed by a simple lack of knowledge!”
I just nod with a nervous smile, hoping that this isn’t a day that I have to fill out a “Replacement windows” form.
“Item four!” She is really getting into this. “Target requirements! What if they don’t work on beings who are covered in tin foil?! We have to make sure our weapon cannot be neutralized!”
I get a disturbing image of Twilight holding the Element of Magic like a sword, smacking her enemies with it.
Good thing “ignorance” and “not enough time in the day” aren’t ponies, or they would be in serious danger.
“Item five....” She thinks for a moment. “Ah, it was Wielder requirements.”
“It only works for you six.” I point out, raising an eyebrow.
“But what if we have an argument? If all of Equestria hangs in the balance, and we can all be doomed by a simple quarrel or tiff or misunderstanding... We need to know, Spike!”
“Of course.” I deadpan, writing it out.
“Lastly, Element properties.” She says victoriously. I don’t bother asking, out of fear. She doesn’t explain, probably because she thinks it’s that obvious.
I personally wonder what exactly Twilight plans to do in order to test all of these, but it is not my problem. Not yet, at least.
That is future Spike’s problem.
We post the new list on the current project board in the throne room before saying goodnight to the guards and heading up to bed.
I wake up to a burp of green fire clouding my vision, and manage to rub my eyes before grabbing the pair of scrolls that had appeared.
Grabbing a nearby glass of water and sipping it, I start to read the first one which was addressed to me.
“Dear Spike.
Thank you for, as always, being candid and aware of what information should be passed on, and what should be kept for the well being of others. This letter cannot be seen by anypony but you. Now to get to the heart of the matter.
I will be allowing Twilight to use the Elements of Harmony for her little experiment, but I would like for you to keep me appraised of the situation, as well as keep an eye on whatever Twilight does with them. If you feel she is crossing a boundary, I will conveniently schedule a visit.
The other scroll is for Twilight, and a courier should be there soon with the Elements and some gems for you.”
Well, at least being a spy for the princess pays well.
I roll up the first scroll and stick it under a floorboard with other letters for me, as well as a few gems that I have snuck away from the cabinet.
Finally I get up, stretch, and head downstairs to start my morning chores, noting that Twilight had managed to sleep through the night, hopefully making her a bit more level headed.
Pick up, organize, sort into piles, and move piles to destination.
In a perfect world, all this cleaning would get done as the mess is made, but Twilight gets a little too into her projects, and the moment it could take to clean up after herself suddenly is the difference between remembering or losing the solution to the whole thing.
It’s okay though, for all I whine about my work, I am far happier here than I have ever been anywhere else. My life is simple, and Twilight is the best friend and adoptive sister I could ever ask for.
I just wish there wasn’t so much paper in the library.
With a flash of purple light, Twilight makes her appearance, still wrapped in her blankets, on top of the thankfully clear kitchen table.
“Good morning.” I say with a smile.
Her reply is not so much words as a snarling that vaguely indicates the need for cereal and tea.
If it weren’t for my much stronger need not to be mauled, I would ask if she was building a dependance on the stuff.
I get her the requested items, hand them to the huddled mass, and watch as it vanishes in another purple flash. Presumably she has returned to her comfortable bed to eat her breakfast, shes done it before.
A few moments later, a knock on the door heralds the arrival of the Elements. I thank the delivery mare, who is having a wonderful conversation with four royal guards, before taking the large box and scooting it to lay in the middle of the room. I don’t bother trying to move them quietly.
Incoming Twilight in three... two... one... Well dang, I was sure...
“Spike?!” A shout from upstairs startles me, since it was a few seconds later than I expected.
“Package and letter for you, Twilight!” I call back.
Instead of teleporting, Twilight decides to run quickly down the stairs, almost falling over several times. Once she reaches the bottom she grabs the letter telekinetically and rips it open before reading it out loud.
“Dear Twilight Sparkle, my most faithful student.”
Make her feel needed before letting her down, but you are giving her what she wants, so why be so preparatory?
“I am pleased by your drive and ambition, and with your many lessons in the power of friendship in mind, Have granted your request. In the box being delivered today, you will find the Elements of Harmony, some gems I thought Spike would enjoy, as well as a gem which will record your tests for later conscription.”
So far this all sounds pretty ordinary... Twi getting exactly what she wants and all.
“I do have a single condition for this experiment. You must gain permission from each of the other bearers of the elements before beginning.” Twilight chuckles. “Is that all? Oh I am so relieved.” She says as she pops open the crate, putting the crown on her head and swaying back and forth while humming a happy tune.
I see the implications of this, however. Twilight will ask her friends and they will want to know what, exactly she is going to do. Unlike her plans and lists, stuff like this is usually make it up as you go. Incoming disaster.
The crown is returned to the box, and Twilight sits down to make another list.
“Friend Finding.” Is the unnecessarily alliterative title.
“I think we should tell Rainbow first, she is sure to be up for some experiments.” Twilight says.
“Well, I don’t know Twi, after you tried to measure her sonic rainboom...” I remind her.
The damage had depleted Twilight’s stipend for a month.
Twilight winces but gets the hint. “Rarity then, she owes me a favor after I got her some of that Saddle arabian silk.”
In the wrong color, but a start is better than nothing.
I write down Rarity’s name.
“Secondly, Pinkie Pie.” Twilight said with determination. I was a bit taken aback.
“Really?” I clarified as I wrote her name.
“Pinkie is most likely out of all of them to find it amusing and not to bog me down with unnecessary questions.” Twilight said, waving a hoof with a fond smile for the Pink Pony.
I shrugged. “How about Applejack?” I propose.
“Well... I am worried she will tell me that this is all a bad idea.” Twilight said sheepishly.
I can not say anything to that, not only does Twilight know that what she is doing is a bad idea, she knows her most honest friend will tell her so. I suppose this will at least keep her from going overboard.
“So... Fluttershy?” I suggest.
“Followed by Rainbow, then AJ.” Twilight says, nodding.
We take the list, gather saddlebags and a few gems for myself, and head out to the boutique. As usual, I enjoy the idea of getting to see Rarity. Who I not only like, but seems more willing to let me help her with her projects than Twilight.
As usual, the light ringing of the doorbell was quickly followed by her greeting; “Why hello! I wasn’t expecting you so soon, were we doing spa day earlier in the week this time?” Rarity asked with a chuckle.
“No, still on for Thursday. I do have another question, however. Something I need your help with.” Twilight started, sitting next to Rarity’s work table and smiling as I stand next to her with her list and a gem I have been munching on.
“Certainly, my dear. What can I do for you?” She asked as I watched her elegantly resume her work on a dress.
Good thing nopony knows how much I like her, that would be so embarrassing.
“I have a new assignment from the princess!” Twilight says eagerly.
No wonder she didn’t want to talk to AJ first. That’s as close to a lie as you can get.
“I am going to be writing a book on the use and properties of the elements of harmony. A sort of Users Manual, if you will. I would like your help in the testing and...”
A crash from another room, and a white blur streaks between the legs of the table interrupting Twilight’s proposal.
“My cheesecake!” Rarity screams, running to the kitchen in a panic as Twilight and I sit in confusion. “I am so sorry dear, I will certainly help but I must clean up this mess, and find OPAL!” She screams angrily.
“Thank you!” Twilight says as she gets up. “Do you need help?” I ask worriedly.
“Nono, I will be fine.” I can hear the squishy sound of cheesecake being scooped off the floor. “I will be available tomorrow, today I have to finish that dress, clean this up, punish Opal, aargh!” Rarity growls, frustrated.
Twilight pulls me out of the door and onto the street, smiling. “So now Pinkie Pie!” Twilight says as she practically hopped towards sugarcube corner. I suppose that she was glad for the interruption, but I worry that Rarity might be caught off guard by the scale of this thing.
Our entry into sugarcube corner is, as usual, a sudden switch from the peace of ponyville to the cacophony of a working bakery.
“Hi Twilight! Hi Spike! I have your favorite cupcakes ready for you over there.” She gestures to a nearby shelf that holds a white cupcake with a single sapphire on top, and a red velvet cupcake.
I eagerly hop up onto a stool to get mine, eating it in three bites while Twilight starts her spiel to convince Pinkie.
“So I have a new project that I am going to be working on, Pinkie.” Twilight starts.
“Can I help?!” Pinkie asks eagerly.
Twilight takes the first bite of her cupcake with a surprised look on her face. “Really? You wanna help?” Twilight asks, pleased.
“Of course, silly. I would love to work on a user manual for the Elements with you.” She says, patting Twilight on the head.
Twilight chuckles and finishes her cupcake before catching up with what Pinkie said. “How did you know...”
“Oh silly, I was talking to Lyra about a party that I can’t tell anypony about, and pricing a reload or twenty to the party cannon, and she got mail from Derpy, and There were a bunch of guards from Canterlot, and I asked them if Derpy was delivering royal orders for the first ever Equestria-wide party, and they laughed and said I should know, since I am one of the bearers, and I laughed and I said I’m not a bear! But they just showed me a box and said that it had the elements of harmony in them! And I said ‘that is so weird I thought they were supposed to be locked up’, and they said that you needed them for research, and I figured you must finally be working on that user manual.” Pinkie Pie says with a smile.
“But how would you know it was a users manual?” Twilight asks, confused.
“Twi, the fact that there wasn’t one to start with, means that eventually you were going to make one.” Pinkie says with a smirk.
I chuckle quietly as Twilight stammers.
“W...Well great! I’m happy you want to help!” Twilight says happily, finishing her cupcake. We decide on a time to meet up tomorrow, and head out towards Fluttershy’s cottage.
