What can a hungry showmare do to get some food? Can she obtain some, or fail along the way?
After her recent screw-up in Canterlot, the Great and Powerful Trixie decides to leave the city. However, she forgot one crucial part: food. Can she convince a silent farmpony to part with his prized fruits, or will her ego get in the way, as usual? ---------------------------- Note: this is based on Season 3 speculation (mine), but it can be fit in canon regardless of the actual episodes that will air. Cover image is made from http://tithenluin.deviantart.com/art/MLP-FIM-Sweet-Apple-Acres-BG-211838702 and http://rusteddrone.deviantart.com/art/Standing-Trixie-281946022
The warm rays of sunlight shone upon an abandoned dirt road, unused by critters or sentient beings. Once it was used as a small trade route between the capital of Equestria, Canterlot, and a small farming community. Time, and the invention of railroad systems rendered it useless as it is now. Early in the morning, the waking animals would greet the new day with various sounds.
This time, however, the road was quiet. Not even the usual chirping and various forest noises could be heard. Slowly, the silence was broken by a sound constantly getting louder: the stomp of hooves.
If anypony would have watched (they didn’t) they could see a blue-coated unicorn mare trot from Canterlot, burdened with the task of not getting her mane sweaty. Some would instantly recognise the Legendary Lulamoon, and get punched in the nose for reminding her of a less succesful time of her life. Others would name her as the Great and Powerful Trixie, which undoubtedly suited her tastes more.
She wore nothing, aside from a pair of saddlebags, and a disgruntled look on her face. This has not been a good week. Canterlot—no, never, there is just no chance she would try something again that ended so… displeasingly. She looked even more annoyed, until she came across a battered road sign. Disregarding the fact that it was left unattended for nearly a decade, the writing on it was still legible, stating what would await Trixie if she continued further down this road. Ponyville.
She grumbled a bit, memories stirring, but then her expression changed from mildly irritated to anxious, and a bit nervous. In other towns, she’s gotten roses or loud, gleeful cheers from her fans, not… bears. Even if her "Trixie is better than you” show was met with disapprovement, or loud booing, she could always leave the town with her possessions untrampled. Unclawed. Unmaimed. Un… ripped-to-splinters. Just like this time in Canterlot- nothing would go her way.
She turned her thought process to more pressing matters. Going into the town would be a big no- there were always sore losers, who could not accept that Trixie once bested them, and therefore gained eternal superiority over the fools- no, they had to come back for rematches. And lose. And make a scene. And force her to drop her freshly ordered daffodil sandwich, and run towards the nearest town exit, dodging objects from a range of tomatoes to anvils. ("Never going back to that smithing town, by the way.” she thought.) That aside, the food she managed to bring with herself was running out, and she certeanly won’t eat anything growing in a lowly forest like this. Not after that whole incident with that fruit. Not that her almighty stomach coludn’t handle it, but having the colour of her eyeballs change to black made it very hard to appear benevolently superior, and more like making an impression of having two slices of eggplant in coffee instead of eyes.
Maybe she could get something to sate her growing hunger from the outlying farms and houses. All in all, there were hard-working ponies, whose time was taken up by their farms and couldn’t come to see the most amazing showmare in Equestria. No, scratch that, make it the most amazing showmare north of Macintosh Hills! And south from there, the second best in the world, (although she would never admit it openly) bested only by an amazing earth pony, who could sing a duet with himself, whilst riding an unicycle, juggling, and solving advanced mathematical problems. While she could sing as well as the next mare, that would not be enough to actually impress the audience; also, she kind of had enough of the advanced mathemathics part when she recited theorems and definitions for a whole week if somepony asked her a question. Perish the thought! This is a time of action and positive thinking, not apathy. She readied herself mentally for the ’task’ ahead.
"Well, Trixie is quite sure she could get her hoof on fine cuisine.” she claimed out loud. The trees surrounding her seemed unconvinced.
"Why, Trixie could even… ask nicely.” she said with a shrug, shivering at the thought. She paused for a moment. "Of course… Trixie is the best at asking nicely! They will plead for Trixie to take their meager food!” The unicorn was smiling now. Her ego reassured, she made her way towards the dreaded town, and the promise of dinner.
As she continued her journey for about an hour or two, the trees began to disappear beside her. They were slowly replaced with emerald-green grass, and bushes of various sizes and colours. Trixie noticed some large buildings.
"Probably barns,” she pondered "because I am pretty sure I see orchards beside them. At least I think they’re orchards.” She gave the objects in question a more thorough look. "They’ve got to be orchards. They are too symmetrically spread over the hills to not serve any purpose.”
She chose one of them at random, embraced by a small wooden fence, and made her way towards it. She tried to arrive gracefully and elegantly to the entrance, but her stomach made her hurry more than it was to her liking.
"Come on, Trixie, you came for a bite to chew, not to have yourself chewed out for being so... straightforward.” She knew far too well the tendency of local residents to enter lecture mode.
Nevertheless, she stopped for a moment when the small fence ended in a rather large, sturdy-looking gate with the words "Sweet Apple Acres” painted upon them. Apple, apple, apple... Trixie had a faint feeling she was supposed to remember something important related to apples. Was she allergic to it? No, the Great and Faultlessly Perfect Trixie had never let mere food rule her! She could even digest bronze! But... what could it be then? Is she supposed to remember...
Then it dawned upon her.
Orange coat, a cowboy hat, heavy accent, and an apple-themed cutie mark. Owner of this very farm, as advertised by fliers. The pony, who was involved in both life-shattering incidents that happened with Trixie; but truth had to be told, she was a passive participant in her downfall: first, she inevitably fell for challenging the Magnificent Trixie, and the second time... well, she was more of an onlooker, with an ocassional expressing of opinion, but mostly cheering for her friend...
TWILIGHT SPARKLE.
Twilight Sparkle, that evil, evil enchantress! The champion of humiliation! The incarnation of magic! Worst of all, she had no notable faults, or at least none known in Canterlot. Trixie’s contacts there could not come up with any dirt on her, but some of them, whom attended a garden party with her nemesis, claimed she did evil dances, specifically, the "Calling of Tirek”, a dance used in ancient times to contact the necromancer. Others would say that she was just very bad at dancing- which seemed more likely, and acted as a soothing balm for Trixie’s wounded ego.
Trixie shook her head. These mares are still in Canterlot, so it’s useless to think what would they do if they saw her entering the farm... but she could get a semi-revenge by sating her hunger with Apple... What was her name again? Apple Slicer? Appleleaf? Whatever it was, it does not matter... the point would be eating her apples, which she would never willingly just give away for Trixie.
The unicorn inspected the wide space spanning from the barn to the orchards, looking across the fields with an expectant eye, hoping for somepony to spot. She nearly gave up, when she noticed a moving red blur near the trees. That should be a pony living here... or the apples here grew to a ridiculous size, and they only advertised the farm because they needed to feed the rogue apple with somepony. "By the night stars, hunger is making me silly. I need those apples, quick.”
As she trotted towards the redness, she could slowly see it was a stallion, a rather large one at that. He seemed to be too busy to notice the blue mare, harvesting the apples, nearly in constant movement from tree to tree, giving a well-placed kick, and then moving to to another.
Trixie slipped out of her saddlebags, and finally managed to slow down to a calm and collected pace, when she approached him. She put up her fake smile no. 13 (her favourite), and greeted the stallion.
"A nice day to you, good uh... farming fellow.” she began.
The stallion raised an eyebrow. "Howdy.”
Trixie stopped next to him, giving a thorough inspective look from hooves upwards... and upwards... and upwards... She started to feel a bit discouraged.
"By the swirling mane of Celestia, this guy is HUGE! What did they feed him, disliked family members?!” she thought. Sure, he seemed nice, and was rather handsome, even by refined tastes as Trixie’s, but the fact that he had the build to be your two best friends at the same time seemed a bit off-putting.
Distracted by this train of thought, she completely forgot the speech she prepared earlier, and blurted out her usual routine.
"The Great and Powerful Trixie demands that you give her an apple!”
The stallions' raised eyebrow quickly descended into a frown. "Nnope.”
"Uh, Trixie means” she stammered. "that a strong, and handsome stallion like yourself wouldn’t mind giving a poor damsel like Trixie an apple, would you?”
"Eeyup.”
"Umm... is that an "I’ll give you an apple.”?”
"Nnope.”
Trixie hang her dejectedly. She didn’t want to resort to this.
"Would you be so kind to give me an apple, please?” she pleaded.
"Nnope.”
Trixie was getting annoyed. "Then let me pay for them.”
"Nnope.”
"Then I’ll perform, just for you! You could see wonders beyond your comprehension, just for a meager apple!” The mare was quite angry at this point.
"Nnope.” The stallion seemed unfazed.
"FINE!” By now, she was shouting each word at the top of her lungs. "Then I’ll work for that accursed apple, doing whatever you need of me, and just try, no, I double-diamond-dog dare you to say no one more time!”
The stallion stood silently for a few moments, considering this. "Mmkay.” he finally said.
Trixie huffed. "Well then! Trixie already told you her name, so hurry up and tell her yours! Or did you just grow on a tree, and fell down one day?” she added mockingly.
The stallion looked at her with genuine surprise. "Howd’ya know?”
The world spun around Trixie. "Sweet, merciful Celestia, he IS an apple! I can’t even...” Then she noticed he was grinning. A farm pony! Grinning at her! Laughing at her! Making her look like a fool in front of every...tree. Trixie calmed down. Nopony was here besides them, so this little slip-up will not be known. She cursed herself again for not being able to think clearly while being this hungry. The stallion, seeing that she didn’t play along anymore, bowed a bit, and introduced himself.
"Ah’m Big Macintosh.”
"So, Big Macintosh,” she looked at him impatiently, "What would you have Trixie do?”
"Simple.” he stated, "Just pick’ em apples from ’ere,” he pointed to a larger tree, "to Ol’ Rooty. Then ya’ll get some dinner.”
It was Trixie’s turn to raise an eyebrow. "Is that all?” She lit up her horn—only to be interrupted by a quick poke on it.
"No magic.”
Trixie blinked. "Whuh..?”
"No magic.”
"But it would be perfectly safe!” Trixie argued.
"No magic.”
"But it won’t affect the taste!”
"No magic.”
"But—”
"No. Magic.” he said, his voice sounding final.
"Okay, okay, fine!” Trixie accepted defeatedly.” Geez, hold your horses! Kicking them’s fine, right?”
Big Mac nodded. "Eeyup.”
Trixie smiled. She could feel her confidence return. "Hah! Be amazed at the Great and powerful Trixie’s harvesting skills!” She walked up to a tree, and kicked it... with her front hoof. Not even the leaves budged on the tree, which was a feat itself, because a warm gust fiddled with all the leaves within the orchard, shuffling them gently. It seemed as if her kick made the tree more resilient. There was a poorly repressed snort coming from behind her. She felt her cheeks redden. She tried again with greater force. Nothing happened. Again! Nothing. Again! Not an apple stood harvested. She turned towards the red stallion, who was openly laughing now. Trixie glared daggers, scimitars, spears at him, until he finally stopped his laughter. He took a few steps, and produced some baskets from a pile, that somehow completely eluded Trixie’s attention until now, and put them under the impudent tree. He turned from it, and with a swift kick, he made all the apples fall down at once.
"Right, right, I knew that,” Trixie said hurriedly, trying to recover some of her dignity.
"Well then,” Big Mac spoke up "Ah’ll be over there, doing mah part of the job.”
"Trixie will manage” the mare claimed, regaining her composure.
The stallion nodded and left for his chores, Trixie watching him getting out of earshot. Then she turned her attention back to the trees with a smug look.
"Now, impudent greenery, prepare yourself! It is my turn to shine!”
Big Macintosh lazily walked from tree to tree. His previous speed gone, he leisurely harvested the red, juicy fruits, as if he had better things to do, and was just doing a favor for Future Mac, so he wouldn't drown in work.
Which, in fact, was the very case. The stallion had an important job: teaching an arrogant unicorn a lesson. It was clear she did not expect him to recognize her, but Applejack, the Element of Honesty, did not even hide embarassing things from her family: like being tied up with a rope in front of a crowd. Trixie would never expect her to share something so embarassing with her brother, and that gave Big Mac a needed edge. Knowledge. He instantly recognized the showmare from Applejack's description, and decided to give her a little lesson.
Big Mac grinned. The unicorn, with her hubris, played right into his hoof, he didn't even need far-fetched plans and reasons to get her to work. He was afraid that it would be too strange to jump straight to the point, but the mare herself offered working for the food. He only had to pretend to be a stuck-up earth pony farmer, who would never allow his precious apples be threatened by magic. It worked, Trixie completely fell for the trap, and considered him superstitious about new things. She does not need to know that her sister's friend, Twilight, could harvest a dozen apple trees at once- the blue mare needs to feel exhausted once in her flashy, uncaring life.
Big Mac checked the sun. By now, Trixie was working for almost an hour. He slowly walked back to check up on her, minding his step in the process. Go round a twig, step over some leaves. Thanks to the amount of time spent on the farm, he learned how to move unseen, and without a sound. The expression on her sister's friends' faces was worth sneaking around, even Rainbow Dash was baffled by the large red stallion appearing seemingly from thin air.
He neared Trixie's part of the orchard. He was expecting a deadly tired unicorn, whom he would confront about her wrongdoings, and convince her to apologize to AJ.
He heard a strange, shrieking sound as he stepped into the circle of trees obscuring his vision.
"Haiiiii-yaaaaah!"
What Big Macintosh did NOT expect, was a horridly screaming, sweaty blue-white blur, moving at an incredible speed on two hooves, from tree to tree, only stopping for a well-placed round-kick, which would make all of the apples fall down at once. She only stopped this for seconds,to yank some baskets under them, then continued like a rollercoaster high on salt. The stallion's jaw dropped.
Trixie stopped, and waved a hoof at him. "Hi there, my good Macintosh! Is there a problem?"
At least ten different questions flailed wildly inside Mac's head, promting it to explode, if he didn't get any answers, but instead he slowly shook it. The movement helped him to regain his composure. Showing that he's somewhat impressed would only make the mare's ego grow.
"Nah, ah jus' remembr'd that ah didn't tell ya that the baskets need to be taken to the cellar, in front of the barn."
Trixie eyed him suspiciously for a second, but then her expression dissolved into a wide, smug grin. "Consider it done, cap'n!" she stated, while doing a mock salute. " Trixie will be the best basket-carrier that ever worked on your fields!"
Big Mac pondered for a moment if he should introduce her to the Cutie Mark Crusaders, given their similar manner of speech. 'Greatest Applecarrier Trixie' and 'Cutie Mark Crusaders Basket Carriers Yay!' had a certain pattern to them. At least their brutal misuse of persons and wording, not to mention the occasional raised voice. He dismissed the idea, opting to keep his hearing intact from the predictable deafening conversations they would have. He turned around, leaving the unicorn to her devices; as he left her sight, she could be heard singing.
"Trixie is the bestest mare, hooray, hooray! She's the strongest, cutest, all-around best pony, ponyyyyy!"
Big Mac groaned. He quickened his pace. "Well if you're playing like this, I'll have to up my game." He reached the trees he left, stopping for a moment to calculate how much time would he need to make dinner for three. Finishing that, a determined look crept upon his face.
"C'mon, Big Mac." he thought. "You can't let yourself to be beaten by a unicorn, who doesn't even use magic!" With that, he began bucking the trees furiously.
Trixie looked up. The sun was about the peak of it's orbit. Noon? She didn't even notice the passing of time, her hunger receded with a little exercise. Although she had to admit, she indeed was a bit out of breath. A batch of apples sat on her back. She entered the cellar, but she could not get rid of her burden. The cellar was filled to the brim, baskets of apples sitting on top of each other. Her eyes scanned the cellar, looking for a place to drop her basket, but to no avail. She sighed, and turned around, but she could not help, but feel a little proud. The red stallion certeanly did not expect Trixie to keep up with him. "Speak of the devil" she thought, noticing him appear. Big Mac gestured her to follow him, and she complied. The unicorn couldn't resist, but ask: "Why?"
"Yer storage's filled up." the stallion replied. " Ah'll help ya load the rest into the barn, where ah was unloading mah share, cos' it still has room."
Trixie nodded. "Lead the way."
Soon they arrived to the front of the barn, though passing beside it was a strange experience for Trixie; the barn's side was painted with a large painting of one of Sparkle's friends, and a happily smiling sun. Trixie raised an eyebrow. "Uhm... nice rendition of your feelings, by the way."
The stallion turned, and gave her a disinterested look. "Nnope."
"Trixie does not understand."
"She did it."
"You mean... the pink one painted herself upon your barn?"
"Eeyup."
"Wow." Trixie thought bemused. "All the ponies in town are narcissists! That must be why they were such sore losers! " She looked up on the canvas again. "And I'm egoistic." she grunted to herself.
Stepping inside the barn, she was immediately overtaken by the sheer number of baskets present in the place; it was about four times the amount she had harvested.
"You collected all this today?" she asked dumbfounded.
"Nah, that one's been there since Tuesday. " the stallion corrected, pointing to a basket.
Trixie kept silent as they loaded the rest of the apples inside. When they finished, the stallion eyed the enormous amount they collected, then turned to the mare. "That's nuff fer now."
"Great!" Trixie exclaimed enthusiastically "So, what about dinner?"
"Easy there, missy. Mah sister's coming home at two o' clock, we'll wait fer her."
"Y-your sister?" Trixie shifted nervously." How do you know she's coming home at that exact point in time?"
The stallion raised an eyebrow. "That's when school ends."
Trixie was about to break the terrible news to him, that his sister was not even in Ponyville, save school, when she realized something.
"If you don't mind, would you care to tell Trixie what she's like?"
Big mac puffed his chest with pride. "She's a yellow lil' filly, her mane's red, an' she always wears the ribbon she was given to her by Granny Smith. An ah can tell ya' she' a real hoofypony with the hammer."
Trixie calmed down. Looks like Applesmack, or whatever had another relative living here. A filly certainly won't thwart her plans, unless...
"Say, could you tell Trixie if there are any Ursa Majors in the vicinity?"
"Uhm, nnope?" Big Mac looked at her, confused.
"Ursa Minors, manticores, cockatrices, zombies, tax collectors?" she pressed.
"Nnope, those only live in the Everfree Forest." He paused, the last part finally reaching his brain. "Tax collectors?!"
"Never mind." Trixie waved a hoof dismissively. "So, what shall we do until she arrives?"
The stallion shook his head. He can't figure out this mare for his life. "Well, ah'll check up on the food, and when ah'm back, we'll work on the fields." he proclaimed, scratching his chin. "In the meantime... ah dunno, mow the lawn."
Trixie rolled her eyes. "Fine. Dump the'AhI-don't-lahk-it' work on Trixie. Where's your lawn-mower?"
"We don't have any."
"Then how in Tartarus do you expect me to mow it?"
"Ah dunno, ya've got teeth, don't ya?"
Trixie shot a glare at him. "Whatever. The Magnificient Trixie will get... creative."
The stallion nodded, entering the house. The unicorn stared at the grass. "Well, aren't you a little pain in the flank for me?" An idea popped into her head. She'll have what she needs for that in her saddlebags... it was about time she collected them anyway. She started trotting to get them.
Big Mac checked the oven. The pastry looked like it would be ready within two hours. He liked foods that were simple to make, because then he could work on the fields at the same time. Well, not that he had to do it frequently, only at times like this, when both AJ and Granny Smith were out town. Granny was visiting some relatives, and AJ was... doing Element stuff. Big Mac never questioned the importance of what her sister does, but sometimes he wished she would help around the farm more than being goaded into one stupid contest after another with Rainbow. While his mind was occupied with these thoughts, he automatically peeled some apples, then sliced and crushed them, making some juice. He set out the table, and thought about the grass. The unicorn will probably not chew the grass down to size, but that' all right. There's always the sickle—
"Oh, horse apples." he thought, dropping everything and running outside. He recalled the first time he let AJ use the sickle. Big Mac stopped her after ten seconds, before having to condemn a five-feet radius danger zone around her. After that, using it was Big Mac's privilege, and burden. "That stubborn unicorn's gonna hurt herself."
He rushed out of the house, letting out a relieved sigh, that the mare had no tools on her. However, she was running around like a maniac, her horn lit up. Strangely enough, the grass was being cut in front of her.
"What in tarnation are ya doing?" he asked suspiciously.
Trixie stopped, looking at him with a victorius smile. "You see, Trixie got the idea, that maybe Trixie could use a strong thread: if Trixie moves it swiftly in front of her, the thread would cut the grass. But the speed of telekinesis was not enough, so Trixie yanked it around while running, for extra velocity!"
Big Mac felt a few of his brain cells die from that explanation. "But that contradicts the laws of nature!"
"To Tartarus with the laws of nature!" yelled Trixie happily. "I'm the Great and Powerful Trixie!"
Big Mac felt like headbutting the hardest tree in the farm. His limit for hearing the word "Trixie" has been crossed... thrice. He turned to the now finished unicorn, happily prancing around.
"Please, by the love of Celestia, stahp talkin' in third person!"
Trixie looked at him surprised. "All right, but then Tri- I get something to ask from you too, right?"
Big Mac nodded. Anything, but no more annoyances!
"Well" Trixie mused. She suddenly beamed. "I know! You have to say at least five words every time you speak! And don't try to brush this off with pointing and signalling all the time!"
Big Mac rolled his eyes. "Mmkay." Trixie was looking at him expectantly. "... Ah'll do it."
He paused. "Fo'sho!"
"So, what's the next task?"
"Wait here." he instructed her. "Ah'll get the plow."
He walked back to the house, and put away the unneeded stuff. He was determined to not let anything faze him anymore, but this was getting ridiculous. Maybe real hard work would quell this mare a bit, allowing him to find an opening. Yes, plowing is good.
A few minutes later, he emerged from the barn, pulling the plow with him. He quickly slipped out of it, and called Trixie.
The unicorn showed up immediately. "Sir! What is my new job, Sir?"
Big Mac silently gestured to the plow. No, he will not play along with her shenanigans.
"Sir, I understand Sir!" Trixie shouted, giving a (now genuine) salute in the process. "Platoon, move out!" She took a neutral position, at the opposite side of the plow. She turned around.
"FIRE AT WILL!" she yelled, and bucked the plow with all her might. The resulting sound made Big Mac's teeth consider moving to a new mouth, with nicer neighbours. The following face-hoof didn't help the case.
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF CELESTIA ARE YA DOIN'?"
Trixie looked hurt. "I just wanted to cheer you up. You seemed a bit out of it since noon."
The stallion eyed her suspiciously. The mare wouldn't know kindness, if it didn't hit her in the head. "Ah don't know what game you're playing, but ah don't care. Ah'll pull the plow, and ya'll sow the seeds in the tracks. Make sure they are distributed evenly."
"Sure," the unicorn replied, "but isn't it a bit late to sow them now?"
He shook his head. "Nnope. These are faster-growing plants. They will be good fer reserves if the winter gets colder than expected."
"Okay." Trixie nodded. "Where are the seeds?"
"In that shed. They're labelled 'BMS'."
"What does that stand for?"
"Big Macintosh Special."
"Sounds like some kind of hard cider. By the way, that was only three."
The stallion blinked. "Wha..? Oh. Add 'seed mix' to it then."
He strapped on the plow again. While he did that, Trixie unloaded the sacks, and arranged them neatly nearby. She even took the proper sowing pot, that she would plunge into the sacks. She stepped behind him. "Ready when you are."
Big Mac nodded. "Juss' be careful with them seeds." With it, he began pulling the plow.
After a minute, he shot a glance behind. Trixie was sowing diligently, and she was using her mouth to hold the pot, not her magic. She noticed him staring at her, and grinned.
It was a nice day for Ditzy Doo. She nearly finished all of her deliveries, and only got shouted at twice. Nearing the last house on her assignment list, she quickly lowered to her hooves. It's not like she couldn't fly to the farm in question, it's just that the trees were planted in the wrongest of places for any flight to take place. She happily trotted towards Sweet Apple Acres, humming a light tune. The noon sun warmed her face, and cleared most of the shadows. Yes, maybe some muffins are in order for this beautiful day. But! Job first, pleasures later!
As she reached the front gate, she nearly put the letters to the mailbox routinely—before she remembered that the mailbox was out of order, due to an old, old mistake on her part, of a time when she wasn't as qualified for the job as she is now. A time of a week ago. The time of the bourbon muffins. The day when Rainbow Dash finally recognized her awesome flying skills, and turned to her for advice! Namely "How in the hay can you fly backwards and upside-down at the same time?" While formulating a proper response, she might have poked the Apples' mailbox a bit, but it wasn't her fault that the rickety old thing catapulted on a beautiful arc, and disintegrated into splinters during it's flight. From that time, she agreed to deliver the Apples' mail into their hooves.
"Well, if you don't come out, I'm going in!" she thought. She checked her regulation muffin, which was an ordinary blueberry muffin, except for it being as old as Dinky, and reaching the unbelievable hardness of diamonds. She considered opening her own self-defense school, using only hooves and muffins, the 'Muffin Fu', but ultimately rejected the idea. The poor little muffins are meant to be eaten, not to turn them into weapons of mass destruction! Well, maybe it would not be so bad if they destroyed just a little mass, because the bathroom scale showed that she could stand to lose a little 'mass'.
She went straight to the house, ignoring the barn and other farm buildings, but nopony answered her knocks. Pondering if she should just go in, she heard some noises coming from the fields. "That must be them!" she thought. The mailmare immediately started trotting towards the source of the sounds, navigating between various farming instruments, before realizing she somehow tried to go through the barn instead of going around it. ”What a stupid layout” she thought, turning around, immediately stepping on the head of a rake, punching herself in the nose with it’s handle. She recoiled from the sudden assault, stepping back into a rogue caliper, yelping in pain, jumping forward, and tripping on a carelessly positioned seed sack. Getting fed up with the situation, she remembered that she can fly. Immediately darting to the air, she victoriously flapped her wings like a rabid dragon, prompting her to attempt exiting the barn half a meter above the door. The concussion caused her eyes to behave for a moment, but then they returned to their chameleon-like routine. She finally left the death trap, cursing.
Taking the route beside the barn this time, she wound up in the fields she remembered Applejack claim being ’Youseless’, only they weren’t empty this time. In front of Ditzy’s unbelieving eyes, a scene from the end days unfolded. Big Macintosh, the strongest, bravest, and reddest of Ponyville’s stallions, was running. From a mare. Absorbed so much in getting away, that he forgot to take off his plough, too. Ditzy rubbed her eyes. The scene did not change a bit. A blue mare was still chasing Macintosh, with a small sack that she will no doubt use to add a little spice to the poor stallion before eating him! Ditzy felt her knees go weak, and with a small shriek, she fainted.
Big Macintosh immediately stopped when he heard the scream. In fact, he stopped so fast, that Trixie nearly ran into him, but thankfully she also heard it, and slowed down to see the source of the sound. When they saw the unconscious mailmare, they looked at each other with guilt. Their efforts to prove to the other that they are, in fact, tireless and strong, devolved into running around at insane speeds, while also taking care of the seedplanting. True, they were effective, but they positively looked silly, or, as Ditzy has proven, menacing.
"Uh, is she all right?" Trixie asked.
"She'll be fine. She overreacts sometimes." the stallion replied. The unicorn suddenly giggled.
"I can't even begin to imagine how stupid we looked, competing like that. You know, Big Mac, I haven't had so much fun as today in a looooong time. So what do you say?" she extended a hoof. "Friends?"
Big Mac felt anger rise in him. If he could've become any redder, he would've been a tomato. He couldn't stop himself.
"Are ya for real, ya brat?!" he bellowed. His sound did some good to Ditzy; she jumped up, and started to recollect herself, looking relieved that they stopped, but completely clueless to the nature of Mac's rage. Trixie withdrew her hoof, not understanding the situation.
"What's the problem, Mac? What did I do?"
"Don't ya 'Mac' me, ya gloating girland! What did ya do? I'll tell ya: ya made a fool out of mah sister, ya brought an Ursa into town, and ya prob'bly did somethin' shady wherever ya came from, and, to top it off, ye were prob'bly tried having fun at mah expense! Yer nothin' but a pile of decadence!"
Ditzy gasped. "She's a relative of the Princess?"
The other two looked at her, confused. She became unsure, too. " Y'know, the new Princess, in Canterlot?" she asked sheepishly.
Trixie chuckled. " No, I'm not related to her." She turned back to Mac with a serious expression. "Look, I know that I did a few… nasty things that I am not proud of. Just give me a chance to explain."
"Why? So ya could sweet-talk me into believing yer the most innocent pony in Equestria?"
"Hey Mac," Ditzy chirped, "if your life is not in any kind of imminent danger now, I'd like to give these letters to you. Dinky and Amethyst are waiting for me. It's pumpkin week!"
Mac took the letters, thrown off from his stern stallion routine. Ditzy waved to them, and took flight straight towards Ponyville. A fading shout could be still heard from her. "And try to disarm your traps in the barn! You could stun a bear with them!"
The pegasus mentioning her foals made Big Mac remember about Applebloom. As if to a cue, her voice could be heard upon entering the farm. "Hey, bro! Ah saw Ditzy fly away, did Ah get a letter?" She quickly found him, her smile faltering a bit upon seeing the unfamiliar mare. It didn't take long for it to return, nudging his brother slyly. "Oh, Ah get it." she whispered to his ear conspirationally. "Ya wanted to spend some tahm with yer special somepony!"
"What? No!" Big Mac replied without a second thought. "She's just stayin' for dinner, then she will have someplace important to go." He said the second part a bit threateningly.
Trixie shrugged. "Fine. Don't come crying to me when your conscience won't let you sleep!" With that, she took off for the house. Applebloom looked at her brother confused.
"Go in, sis. Ah'll put these away, but Ah'll be there in a minute." Applebloom nodded, and trotted after Trixie. Big Mac collected the discarded farming equipment, and his thoughts. What Trixie said was true; in a way, Big Mac was entertained, too. But there is still the matter of humiliating AJ and her friends, not to mention the damage caused by the grumpy Ursa. Finally, he decided to listen to her story, and make a decision after that. He finished restoring order to the barn (which looked like a hurricane hit it), and finally reached the house. He could hear a voice from inside. "Now, be amazed!" Anger crept up his throat again. He leaves her for a minute, and she tries to bedazzle his sister? He nearly started giving her a piece of his mind, when he entered the room, but then Trixie spoke again. "Pick a card. Any card!" Appleboom took a card at random. "Okay," the unicorn instructed her,"now take a good look at it, and put it back to the pile!" The filly obliged excitedly. "Now…" Trixie paused for effect. "was it this one?"
Applebloom shook her head disappointedly. "Nah."
"Woe is me!" Trixie exclaimed. "My skills seem to have dwindled, unless…" She turned to Big Mac, as if only noticing him now. "A-ha! You took the card!"
"What? No!" the stallion denied defensively.
"Then how do you explain…" she ruffled his mane, startling him, and pulling out a card in the process. "this?" Applebloom glanced at the card, and her excitement returned. "That was it!"
Trixie smiled smugly. "Was there ever—" A loud growl from her stomach interrupted her. "… You know, I'm gonna take this as a sign, and stop saying that. By the way," she turned to Big Mac, "you owe me three more words."
"Owe you? Why?" the stallion asked, completely forgetting their previous agreement.
Trixie nodded. "Excellent. Now, I don't want to look too greedy, but I am positively starved."
"Me too!" Applebloom added enthuastically. "What's there to chow on?"
"Apple soup, fried apples, and a surprise for dessert."
"Let me guess… pear pie?" Trixie asked sarcastically.
"Think of something else. Here we don't care about a-pear."
Trixie's eyes widened as she turned to the filly. " You didn't tell me your brother is so puntastic!"
Applebloom giggled. "Yeah, he only jokes home. Ah haven't seen him to do so much as smirking when he's not on the farm."
"Let's drop the subject, 'kay?" Big Mac scoffled.
He quickly served the soup, which was enjoyably warm by the time. They wished a good appetite to each other, and started eating. Trixie took a careful sip from her spoon, but as soon as she tasted the soup, she started shoveling it in her mouth with an amazing speed. Applebloom stared at her, pouting. "Ya know, if Ah eat like that, AJ or Granny Smith scolds me ra'ht away."
Trixie looked up, embarassed. "Sorry, it's just that I'm so hungry, and this is so good!"
"Ah know, ra'ht?"
Big Mac smiled to himself. If only it would this easy to impress other ponies like this… Alas, the ponies who are well fed tend to look for other… visible body traits in other ponies rather than talking to them first. He watched amused as Trixie snarfed down her portion, voicing her satisfaction with happy sighs. New plan. Instead of carefully planning a date next time, he will make sure the mares eat some of his cooking first. A foolproof plan!
The unicorn snatched the bowl with the fried apples, and took a more than healty portion of it. Big Mac supposed if she did not blow up on the spot after eating all of it, she will be immobilized for days. It was comforting, if a little bit disturbing, to see somepony appreciate a meal so much. Still, a promise is a promise, and he has not gotten all of his doubts out of the way.
"So" he looked at her expectantly, "what's yah' story?"
"Yeah!" Applebloom interjected, "How didya find yah' cutie mark? I bet not some uncool way like everypony in the town, by doin' useless stuff tha' they knew they were good at!"
Trixie giggled, but her mouth was full of fries, so it sounded rather like a clogged vacuum cleaner. "Looh' kihd," she started, distributing fried apples equally in a half-meter radius, "Ah' been' hastin' an a'hvanc'd ih'lusion hpell in tha' moonlaht' while tryin' ta look like an oak tree." She gulped down the food in her mouth. "Don't ask why."
Applebloom looked at her confused. "Can Ah even try tah' get mah cutie mark like that?"
Trixie shook her head. "Sorry kid, you just don't have the required talent to do that." Applebloom hung her head. "You simply don't look like an oak tree." the unicorn continued.
The filly brightened up. "Can ya teach me how tah' be a tree?"
"I wouldn't recommend it, unless you want to spend the rest of your life guessing what third of your talent is." Big Mac shot up an eyebrow. Trixie pointed at her flank. "The moon. It has nothing to do with my talents with tricks and illusions."
"Ya can divert the topic, but ya can't evade it foreva'h." the stallion stated calmly.
"You know, there's not much to it." Trixie replied, wondering. "I think it's of no surprise if I tell you that I started doing my magic shows at a young age. I have dealt in mysteries, and trickery of life to entertain, bringing amazement to many of my fellow townsponies. Their admiration was the best thing in the world, and I yearned for more. When I left town, I hurried to Manehattan — I was eager to be known and praised by more. Needless to say, that wasn't the case. I had a few visitors, some even applauded me, but that was far from enough. I was disappointed. So when a businesscolt offered a place in a variety show, I agreed. He told me that I had potential, but needed to change the premise of the show itself. 'Don't show them your stuff right away, kid,' he said, 'make them want to see your stuff.' I interpreted that as to goad the audience, to taunt them. The next show went by nearly the exact routine that you could have seen last time I was here. And you know what the funny thing is? They loved it. Manehattan ponies enjoyed seeing their fellow cityfolk humiliated. All the time I spent there, I did my little show as many times as I could, gaining more and more hubris along the way. Technically, it was a kick in the flank when those two colts brought that Ursa here."
"Wait."Big Mac interrupted."Two colts?"
"Yeah, Mac!" Applebloom added. "Didn't ya know? Snips and Snails brought the Ursa to town so that Trixie could vanquish her!" She caught up with her own words. "Wait a second... ya Trixie?"
"No, my name is Innocenty Innocentson, and I have no idea who this 'Trixie' is, but boy, does she sound pretty!" she winked at the filly, who replied with a confused smile.
"Anyways, yeah, I kinda left bearing a grudge for that Twilight character 'cause she made me look like a fool in front of a whole town, but in hindsight, that kinda was the stuff I was doing all the time. You know, this day made me realize something. I did not enjoy my show. I acted high-and-mighty on-stage, but treated my fans demeaningly. In the depths of my heart, I did not want their admiration for that. But today... I had so much fun. I remembered the countless times I've spent devising new tricks, testing them in theory and practice, and finally, show it to an audience. That is what I've missed."
Big Mac scratched his chin. "Ya know, Ah think Ah believe ya. But ya'll need tah' apologise tah' Applejack and her friends, too." Trixie slammed her hoof to the table, staggering the two Apples.
"That's it! Applejack! I was really annoyed that I can't remember her name, even when I read it on your fliers."
"Those were a failure." Big Mac stated with a bit of sadness in his voice. "Nopony came tah' the farm because they've seen them." He looked Trixie in the eyes. "But Ah suppose ya have a good reason why ya showed up on our doorstep with only a saddlebag and nothin' else?"
The unicorn shifted around nervously. "Yeeeeah... about that. I might or might not have challenged Twilight of the clan Sparkle to a magic duel yesterday."
"Ya did what?!" Applebloom shouted. Big Mac raised a brow.
"Ya had a magic duel with the Element o' Magic?" he asked unbelievingly.
"I thought it's an honorary title, like the Mayors!" the blue mare said defensively. "Besides, I challenged her to a spectacularity contest!"
"Specta'hcularity? Is that even a word?" Applebloom interjected.
"So anyways, I miiiight have turned some guardsponies' coat black, and I might have made a medium to large hole in the middle of Gearhead Street." Trixie finished.
Big Mac closed his eyes, and buried his face in his hooves. "So basically, ya turned Canterlot against yerself, too."
"Well, the princesses weren't there, but yeah, kinda."
Big Mac raised his head. "So what'll ya do now?" Trixie shook her head.
"I don't know. I've lost most of my stuff in that bear attack, and I really don't want to go back to my parents' house to beg for bits."
"Ah know that feel." the stallion exclaimed. He suddenly perked up. "Wait, Ah think the Mayor took custody of yer stuff which was left unharmed. Maybe we could ask her tah' return them."
Trixie beamed like a watchtower. "Really? That would be sooo nice!"
"But" Mac continued, "we can only visit her tomorrow morning, 'cause she's not available 'round now. In return, help me with the rest of mah chores today, and ya can sleep here today."
"Deal."
"Big Maaaaaac!" whined Applebloom. "Dessseeeert! Ah want it noooooooooow!"
"Manners, young lady!" he scoffed, but he produced a large plate from the refrigerator.
The rest of the day passed quickly. Before they knew it, they were done with every chore Big Macintosh could think of. After a few rounds of card games, they went to sleep, hoping to catch the Mayor early.
Big Macintosh darted awake. The sun has not yet risen, but he woke up exactly at 5 a.m. precisely. He always woke up at 5 o' clock, his family could have set the watches to him. In fact, whenever they had to be set, they were indeed set to him. He trotted down the stairs, and spotted the unicorn slumbering on the couch. She was sleeping on her back, her head tilting down on the edge of the couch, touching the ground. He poked the showmare.
"Mmmmrmmh." she groaned. "No more cups of tea, they make me edgy."
She slowly opened her eyes, and recognized Big Mac. "What?" she yawned. "No breakfast in bed?"
"Very funny." he replied. " Get yerself together. We need tah' make a plan so nopony would recognize ya on the way to the Mayor's office!"
"I think I have an idea." Trixie stated, fully awake.
Big Macintosh and Applebloom trotted down the streets of Ponyville. They only encountered a few mares on the way, whom they politely greeted. It wasn't long before they reached the Mayor's office. The stallion knocked on the door.
"Come in!" a voice called.
The two entered, and were greeted by the sight of the First and Only Mayor of Ponyville making airplanes from the paperwork.
"Oh, Big Mac, Applebloom, hi." she said with a chipper smile. "What can I do for you?"
"G'morning, ma'am. Actually, it's not fer me, it's fer her." he motioned towards Applebloom.
The Mayor turned to AB, but before she could say a word, a bright flash came from the filly; her body seemed to grow to twice it's size, and her color changed to blue. Also, she grew a horn. The brown mare was taken aback.
"You are that showmare responsible for the Ursa attack!" she accused Trixie.
"I seem to remember differently." the unicorn replied. "I've came for my stuff that was recovered from my wagon."
"Yes, yes of course."
The earth pony proceeded to a wardrobe, and produced a slightly torn hat, a ragged cape, a weathered chest, and a jewel box. Trixie opened both, and eyed the contents. "Yeah, everything seems to be in order."
"Wait!" the Mayor stopped the blue mare, her eyes lighting up greedily. "You need to pay a 300 bit safekeeping fee."
Trixie nodded. "All right." then she produced a bag of bits from her chest, and threw it on the desk. "That should be five hundred bits, plus-minus ten or so. Please use the remainder to renovate the streets so that no produce will be lost due to bumps in the road." She winked at the dumbfounded stallion, and emptied the few things found in the two containers to her saddlebags. With a bit of hesitation, she put the robe and the hat in the chest.
"Give it to somepony who needs it."
She hurried out of the room.
Big Mac caught up with her on the street. "That's it? Ya just leave? After getting yer stuff, ya go away, 'cause you don't need anything else from us anymore?"
Trixie shook her head.
"No, Mac, I don't just leave. I have a few things I've got to attend to, and with my stuff in check, I should really get on with them. Maybe visit my parents, too. It's been too long since we last talked. I promise to write, I know the adress now. And you know what, you can send replies to me, too."
"Ah don't even know where tah' write." the stallion said embarassed.
"Then improvise. I think Twilight Sparkle surely knows a way to make letters reach somepony. She is the personal student of a Princess, after all. By the way, what do you say to a Nightmare Night party? I've got a terrific idea for costumes, I just need to get a few things. Sorry for being so back-and-forth with my speech, but I never had a pen-pal."
Big Mac sighed.
"If it's nothin' like yer shows, Ah guess it's all ra'it."
Trixie clapped her hooves enthusiastically.
"Good! But now I've got to hurry, or I'll miss the 9 o' clock train."
Big Mac accompanied Trixie to the train station. On the way there, the two chatted about neutral things, but when they reached it, a train has just arrived. Trixie turned to the stallion, and extended a hoof. Big Mac shook it.
"Well, this is goodbye, Big Macintosh., Not a final goodbye, though, so see you later! If not anytime else, then on the day of Nightmare Night!" She approached the train, but turned back. "And... when your sister gets back, tell her I'm sorry. I'll apologise in person, too, but let's give it a head start, shall we?" She jumped on a carriage, and took a seat near the window.
The train soon departed, and she waved to Big Mac until he disappeared to the distance. She felt satisfied. She rediscovered her purpose, made a friend, and got an unsurpassable costume idea for Nightmare Night. Oh yes. She grinned. Today will be a good day.
The sender of this letter officially challenges TWILIGHT SPARKLE, protegé of Princess Celestia of Equestria, to a contest of costumes, held in aforementioned settlement. All postage fees are covered by the recipient of this letter.
