First published
Dagoth Ur ended up in Equestria, he doesn't know why or how, and now he has to learn friendship lessons with Twilight Sparkle, but instead of sending friendship reports to Princess Celestia, he has been sending them to Indoril Nerevar.
WARNING: The canon events that occur in this fic are not in order
Dagoth Ur AI readings
Dear Nerevar
I have somehow ended up in a unfamiliar realm of existence, even through the use of my godly given powers, I could not stop this blasphemy from occurring, I blame those false god daedric princes of this debacle, this place is also filled with talking Equine N'wahs.
Signed-Dagoth Ur
[This letter is a responce from Indoril Nerevar]
"No, No, mister-mister Indoril no home" signed-Consuela
Dear Indoril Nerevar
I have decided that it would be a wise Idea to continue the legacy of the Sixth House and Tribe Unmourned as I may stay stranded in this N'wah ridden land indefinitely, also good news, The mongrel dogs of the Empire seem to not exist here, and bad news, through my observations these N'wah seem to have a government which is not ruled by House Dagoth, The sixth house and Tribe Unmourned.
Signed-Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
So the N'wah Equines believe that political problem and coups can be solved through the power of friendship, how ridiculous, even uneducated Argonian slaves know that the only solution to political problems and coups is fire and war, preferable the fire from red mountain because it is racially superior.
Signed-Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
The Equines n'wahs have Dwemer technology, it's apparently called the Crystal Empire Express, I decided that I, the Dagoth Ur would sneak on just to do some Espionage on the Equines, turns out that that the machine went to the remnants of a empire fallen long ago, it also turns out that the absolute betty netch of the guy who was responsible for the collapse of this empire now rules over it, also literally no one lives there, he rules over an empty kingdom.
He also managed to see me somehow and revealed my presence to the Equines, Before trying to kill me, I'm a god, How can you kill a god?
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
The Equines need to find some sort of 'crystal heart' to free the crystal equines that apparently reside here, But I haven't seen any of them, at first I thought they were talking about the Heart of Lorkhan but it turns out that I was mistaken, this 'heart' they were talking about was just a carved slab of crystal, but it resonated with magic, apparently it what keeps evil from enslaving the mongrel dogs of this empire, so I may have to get it for myself.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
The purple unicorn equine wants me to write 'friendship' reports to their mongrel dog leader and self-proclaimed false god known as Celestia, she is convinced that I am writing that letter right now.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
I'm currently in the equine capital city, this place puts Vivec city to shame with its architecture, I have also been offered residence, but I choose to reside in one of the caves near the surface to rebuild the former glory of Dagoth Ur, the building,
and the false gods of this Tribunal, who i have learned to consist of Celestia, Luna, and the pink one who i cant remember the name of, agreed, I refer to Celestia and Luna as Moon and star, because I refuse to call them your highness.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
I have started working on Dagoth Ur, the building, and some noble N'wah reported me to the guards claiming that I, Dagoth Ur was trespassing on my own property while working on the front entrance to the cave I was gracefully given by Moon and Star, so I did the best thing that my racially superior Chimer brain could do and now I have a noble and two guards in shackles building Dagoth Ur, the building for me.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
Sun and Moon visited Dagoth Ur, the building today, they saw the 3 slaves Involuntary servants that are helping me build, Sun was furious about her guards being there, not the noble, Moon straight up didn't give a shit as they became bats somehow, also Dagoth Ur, the building is more liveable than before, thanks to the magic of slavery Friendship also had to return the guards but luckily I got to keep the noble so its a win win for the both of us, it seems that Friendship truly is magic.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
That 3rd godess of the Equine Tribunal invited me to her marriage ceremony,
Its been a while since I did some espionage against the equines so I accepted the invitation, also Purple Magicka equine was not informed that her only blood relative was having a marriage ceremony so she was not very happy, also I managed to grow ash yams inside of Dagoth Ur, the building so we're getting somewhere, I also wonder what the ceremony will be like.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
So the ceremony was a disaster, Purple magicka equine disappeared for like 2 hours along with the real bride, turns out that the city and ceremony were infiltrated by shapeshifting kwama equines, upon revealing herself the equine kwama queen just stood there like a khajiit wasted on skooma, she eventually asked who and what I was and I replied with, "I am the Dagoth Ur, Leader of the Sixth House and tribe unmourned and my followers call me the father of the mountain, leave now or face the wrath of my divinity," she laughed in my face just before I used my divinity to catapult her and her kind off the mountain, it was very funny and i was proclaimed as savior by Moon and Star.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
After my heroic actions during the ceremony the real 3rd member of the Equine Tribunal gave me a generous sum of 1000 bits, this will do wonders for furnishing Dagoth Ur, the building. Also the music during the ceremony wasn't bad either and I also ordered that white unicorn friend of Purple magicka Equine to make me some Sixth house banners and tapestries.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Vivec
Fuck You
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
Nerevar I have just read a book that Purple Magicka equine gave me and this strange land has the worst race of all of them, "what's worse than argonians?" you may be asking yourself, the answer is simple My Little Nerevar and that answer is Khajiit, at least I will have an actual use for them aside from them getting high and stealing shit.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
I found this weird chimera thing called Discord in Dagoth Ur, the building, turns out he's this realms version of Sheogorath, he also pretty chill and also racially superior because he is a chimera and it has Chimer in it, we did some skooma and and got high like your average khajiit in Senchal.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear equine Tribunal
Where would the nearest hospital be? just in case
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
The false equine gods of the tribunal have notified me to location of a hospital in the city I have found out to be called Canterlot, I must keep my plans secret just incase this letter gets intercepted
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
I have successfully raided the hospital I mentioned earlier and stole a bunch of amputated limbs for Dagoth Ur, the building which ill plan to use as decorations, I also treated myself to a new apprentice from the foals ward in the hospital, her birth name is Luster Dawn but I call her Dagoth Dawn, she will bring glory to the Sixth House and tribe unmourned.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
Dagoth Dawn seems to enjoy playing with the amputated equine limbs that I have strewn all over Dagoth Ur, the building. she behaves as if she was born into the Sixth House.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
So Pink Skooma addict equine baked me a pie today, it was the most cursed thing I have seen with my chimer eyes, it was more cursed than Vivec's left nut.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
Purple magicka equine took me to the Bruma of this place, yes Nerevar the city where all men are women and all women are men, I witnessed one of those Khajiit people from this place get dragged away by a guard. Justice is served I say, Also I recorded the encounter using thing that Purple magicka equine gave me so ill send you the audio once I figure out how.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
Purple magicka equine once again gave me more books so that I can "Learn Equestrian history" And this book she gave me is the worst, what can it be to be so horrible? you may be asking yourself, The thing is this place has its own version of Hist trees, Now the only problem with hist trees are that they're in black marsh, and whats also in black marsh, thats right Nerevar, Argonians. Now Equestrian trees do not turn you to Argonians, but they do turn you into Hist trees through a disease named Swamp Fever, The last thing I want Nerevar is to be worshipped by Argonians.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
The ash yams are almost ready to harvest, also Dagoth Dawn was questioning me why we don't eat regular food, so as a response i told her about the inhabitants of Solsteim after the Red Year.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
Some guards knocked on the door of Dagoth Ur, the building, looking for a young filly who roughly resembles Dagoth Dawn,
They stayed a while in the lobby of Dagoth Ur the building questioning if I knew anything, Ironically Dagoth Dawn was the one to poison them in the snacks she gave out, so they must have been very ignorant to not notice that the missing filly is handing them snacks and drinks, even at 5 years old Dagoth Dawn is a blessing to the Sixth House.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
The 3rd member of the Equine Tribunal and her husband, Purple magicka equine's only Blood relative have announced that they will have an offspring, I know this as I was one that was cursed with this knowledge and may need to ask Sun or Moon for therapy paid for by the Equine Royalty, Preferably the 3rd member of the Equine tribunal.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Moon or Star
I may be in need of Therapy funded by the Royal Treasury, preferably out of the 3rd member's of Love's Pocket as she is the reason for my trauma regarding her racially inferior breeding preferences.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear 3rd member of equine Tribunal
I, the Dagoth Ur, appreciate the Therapy which was funded unwillingly by you and that mass of racial inferiority you call a husband.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
Purple magicka equine asked me if I would accompany her and her pet cliffracer looking reptile to "the dragon lands."
It may be a interesting experience.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
I have just returned from the dragon lands and it was the most hilarious shit ever, Equine's Cliffracer reptile wanted to learn "what its like to be a dragon" so she took him, along with me to the dragon lands and once we got there the dragons told him to prove himself by jumping into a lava pool, the fool did not do it, But I, the dagoth ur Plunged into the fiery goodness below, Oh Nerevar how it reminded me of Red Mountain, the dragons found it hilarious and it was funny as shit to watch Purple magicka equine start panicking over this.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear sister
This letter is regarding the "Chimer" known as Dagoth Ur.
we must find out more about Dagoth, please read the list below.
why does he refer to himself with the following:
Lord Voryn Dagoth, Father of the Mountain, awakened lord of the sixth house, sharmat, high councillor to House dagoth.
Where did he come from?
What is he?
What is this Sixth house he keeps refering to?
why does he have a noble enslaved? (not of great importance and probably for the better)
why did he call his daughter Dagoth Dawn?
I will assign some of your Lunar guards on this task due to their stealth skills.
Your loving sister, Princess Celestia
Dear Nerevar
Nerevar we have a problem, the cursed offspring of 3rd equine tribunal member has been conceived, they have named it Flurry Heart and it looks like a member of the Tribunal, they plan to do a ritual known as the "crystalling" which requires the crystal heart, Ill keep you informed on further events
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
I had an idea that is so great that it may be able to re-write Equestrian history, I have a plan to steal the crystal heart, I'm having the noble excavate the mountain further to build a new heart chamber, I'll keep you informed
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
Nerevar, I have done it, the heart... its mine, I prevented the crystalling of that false god Flurry Heart, now i have to wait for the chamber to be completed!
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Dagoth Ur
We know that you stole the heart, we don't know how, and we do not know where you are keeping it, but you must return it or face the consequences of your actions.
Signed - The Princesses of Equestria
Dear false equine Tribunal
I have no idea what you are talking about, it was probably that Sombra individual.
Signed - Dagoth Ur, father of the mountain
Dear Nerevar
I have placed the heart inside of a chamber within Dagoth Ur, The building, I also ordered Dagoth Dawn and that noble to work out how to make it almost Inaccessable.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
The Tribunal wanted me to "repent for my crimes" by helping purple magicka equine go to some equine town called "Our town" how ironic, so me and the group of purple magicka equines friends are going to go to this so called "town".
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
We arrived in "Our town and the place looks miserable all of the buildings look the same, it reminded me of that time I was in Windhelm.
Anyway we met this equine who claimed she was the leader of this pathetic excuse of a village, Nerevar what village on Nirn has 4 houses. Anyway this "town" ran on an ideology of what's yours is your neighbours, and what's your neighbours is also yours but what's mine is mine, and what's yours is also mine, or something like that and I have no clue how this place works as this equine who I was told is named Starlight Glimmer encourages sharing but refuses to share anything that's hers, I'm confused Nerevar.
Signed - a confused Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
So the group I was unwillingly accompanying somehow managed to get their "cutie marks" stolen, after that problem was sorted the villagers started a revolution against Starlight and she fled, (I have no idea what happened to "friendship" here.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
Shining shield or whatever 3rd equine tribunal member's husband is called invited me on a walk through the Everfree, please note that it was raining heavily and there was thunder so I agreed out of sheer curiosity of what would happen, but that traitorous argonian slave chose it would be a great idea to try to kill me, as I said before, I'm a god how can you kill a god, anyway I stopped him by firing a fireball at him but that's where the good news ends he set on fire, and managed to set the bridge we were standing on a flame, fell into the ravine and died, they will be looking for him for a while.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
So as fate would have it, they have no clue that I am partially responsible for his death, and they invited me to his funeral after spending a week looking for him, to rub ash in the wound I accepted.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Voryn Dagoth
We are sorry to announce that Prince Shining Armor has passed away unexpecting and tragically, please have a moment of silence for the loss of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza's Husband and Father to Princess Flurry Heart, may the gods watch over his soul.
Signed - Princess Luna
Dear Nerevar
They found my real name.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Sun
I apologise for getting Moon hooked on Skooma, but do not blame me, blame the Khajiit.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Cursed Offspring
You have been marked by House Dagoth, the Sixth House and Tribe Unmourned
Tread with Caution.
Signed - Dawn of House Dagoth
Dear Nerevar
Nerevar, I have stole 3rd equine tribunal member's inheritance from that time I accidentally murdered her husband, they will have fun looking for it.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
Purple magicka Equine decided that it would be a good idea to take me to the mirror dimention of Equine land, and it was very disappointing, they were all outlanders and Purple magicka equine also became one of the outlanders, also don't tell moon and star but I reposessed one of the dwemer contraptions from that world. I may write about my experiences in the mirror world.
Dear Nerevar
I went to an equine tattoo shop today, the shop was more dodgy than a Khajiit pawn shop in Anequina, I asked for a traditional dunmer tattoo made with the highest quality ink, The Tattoo pony looked at me dead in the eyes and said "I extracted ink from two ball point pens it doesn't get higher quality then that," as soon as she said that I decided that I no longer wanted a tattoo
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
the city was attacked by a anorexic minotaur who proceeded to devour the magic from all of pony land, I remained uneffected because the equine tribunal put me under house arrest for the week and the entirety of the encounter, so my magic didn't get stolen.
P.S they put me under house arrest for stealing the inheritance.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
Purple magicka equine decided that Friendship is a required form of education in equine land, and some fascist looking equine male decided that they can have the school unless no inferior races attend, including me, his exact words were, "you may open this school under one condition, you must keep anyone who's not a pony out!" he said as he pointed towards me, lets say I have another slave unpaid intern.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
I have had a breakthrough regarding the crystal heart, I have created tools that are capable of transfering the heart's power onto a mortal soul, I shall research this further.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
The capital city was attacked by that shadow mist equine, the kwama insectoid, and the hungry minotaur, along with a literal child i have never seen before, also I have been band from interfering with Equestrian matters.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
the villains were defeated by a small population of creatures and promptly turned to stone, thats what it took to defeat them, also the palace is in ruins,
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
They sent kill squad after me, now I have more decorations for Dagoth Ur, the building, I had enough of their shit, I must prepare...
also I'm teaching Dagoth Dawn the dark arts, shit like necromancy and that...
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
Dagoth Dawn has been working hard preparing for war, she spent the last week summoning the dead to be under our command, currently we have 2500 Sixth house soldiers.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Sister
Sister, my access to the dream realm has been severed, I don't know why or how, but i feel as if something bad is about to happen.
Signed - Princess Luna
Dear Nerevar
I feel the Equines coming my way.
In case that I fail, I ordered Dawn to get enough legions to hopefully fuel this war for 4 centuries, however this will put her in a comatose state for an amount of time even I cannot predict.
If I fall, I will become a Martyr.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Princess Mi Amore Cadenza
In regard of the previously mentioned Operation Breakdown, you will be responsible for attempting to retrieve the Crystal Heart from the grasp of Dagoth Ur, Where ever he may be hiding it. shall you fail or fall we are preparing a battalion of royal guards to storm the facility known as Dagoth Ur, May Faust have mercy on our souls.
Signed - Her Royal Higness, Princess Celestia
Dear Nerevar
As I have been being bombarded by unicorn fire and people trying to infiltrate Dagoth Ur, the building for the last few days, I have realised that none of Moon's Soldiers are participating in this war, they possibly aren't because she doesn't want to kill her only skooma dealer.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
In the event that I do fail, I will wipe the city right off the mountain using the power of the heart, there will be nothing left to scavenge Nerevar, that I promise.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
You will not believe who my generals bought into the heart chamber today Nerevar, It was Princess Cadence, the 3rd member of the equine Tribunal, Now I'll show her what the Sixth House does to trespassers...
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Dear Nerevar
The rest of the equine Tribunal are at my door, and they're pissed, There is no hope for us, I must send Dagoth Dawn away to save her from the destruction of the city, I must use the heart.
Signed - Dagoth Ur
Status Report
Princess Mi Amore Cadenza - Deceased
Prince Shining Armour - Deceased
Princess Luna - Alive, Magic reserves exhausted permanently
Princess Celestia - Alive , Magic reserves exhausted permanently, Comatose
Princess Flurry Heart - Alive, In hiding
Princess Twilight Sparkle - Alive (shall take leadership)
(Voryn) Dagoth Ur - Status Unknown, Presumed dead
(Luster) Dagoth Dawn - Status Unknown, Presumed dead
Unknown number of Equestrian And Sixth House fatalites
Sixth House destroyed
Damage Report
Canterlot - sent into Oblivion, reconstruction impossible
Ponyville - Major damage, repairs possible
Appleloosa - Minor damage
Begin construction of new capital
War duration: 600 years.
Signed - Princess Luna