Axel is a stallion about as shy as they get. He intends to stay invisible, but needs to speak out
Axel, a pegasis is quite the quiet one. He's quite shy, and almost never speaks to people. He has never made it a priority to have friends, or become socially involved in anything. He WOULD interact with others, but he decides at the last minute to change his mind, because he thinks that nopony would like him anyway. That his voice does't matter, and that he could never have any influence. He finds out that voice is important, and he uses it in different ways than he recognizes.
"See you later!" Said someone from my class. She was a filly my age. I almost smiled, and replied the same thing. But I heard one of her friends to my left reply first. She was just talking to her friend that was on the other side of me. Slight mistake. Although, it actually hurt a little bit. No one has said anything to me at school yet. No one my age at least. At this age, I was almost nine. I didn't like it really. No one in my class talked to me. I've thought about talking to some other fillies, and colts in my class, but I always chickened out at the last second. I was quite shy. In fact, if someone came up to me and started any conversation, I would get nervous, and shrug, or not know how to respond. Or sometimes say nothing. during recess after lunch, I wouldn't really do anything. I would always find somewhere a good distance away from everyone else. Their playful voices, and happy laughs were still always audible. I tried to avoid hearing them. All the fillies, and colts got along so well. I wasn't brave enough to even talk to any of them. I wanted to move a little further, but I wasn't allowed to move far away from everyone else. The teachers need to be able to locate you. It IS Cloudsdale, so I guess that's quite understandable. But hearing others happy when I was never happy, was annoying. I was envious of all of them.
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I came home from school, and put my saddlebags down on my bed. My sister was home as always. She was in High school now, so she got home about an hour before I did. She had her friends over. I never came out much when My sister's friends were over. None of them were mean or anything, but I just didn't want to witness other friends, when I just came home from....being jealous of ponies with friends....I've always wondered what it was like to have friends, just one even. Somepony that has things in common with you, that you can both do.
My stomach growled loudly compared to the silence in my room. I went into the kitchen to grab a snack. I looked into the fridge, and there weren't any carrots left. I sighed. "There were plenty yesterday" I thought to myself. Just to make sure, I looked behind things like the milk, and juice, and everywhere else. In my disappointing journey through the fridge, there wasn't any carrots left. I closed the fridge and went back to my room. I was nearly there, but my sister called my name
"Hey, Axel, what were you looking for?" She asked, hushing her friends for a moment.
"Some carrots, but there aren't any left." I replied. I attempted to keep trotting to my room.
"Here, you can have some of ours" She said. Her friends and her had quite a large bowl of them.
She grabbed about three or four, and put them in another bowl for me.
"We'e going to watch a movie, so we just grabbed the rest of them. Mom should be home soon with groceries though if your still hungry later." She assured me.
"Oh, thank you, Scarlet." I replied, slightly a little happier. My sister was really nice. I appreciated having her around. I don't really tell her about my problems, but if I did, I don't know what she could do about it.
Her personality always made me feel better towards life. It's unfortunate I felt overall unsatisfied with myself at such a young age, but that's how it was. Her cutie mark was a red rose without thorns, and wings. I call it the perfect rose. She was really into gardening, and flowers in general. She managed to grow a small garden in Cloudsdale, which is uncommon. I always think about what my cutie mark would be, but I don't think about it that much.
I go back into my room, and chomp on the first carrot. I then go to my bed, grab my composition notebook I keep under my mattress, and plop myself on the bed, grabbing a pen from the nightstand. I flip the pages, near the final few pages, I'll be needing a new one soon. I liked to write stories. I always wrote about these super-ponies called the "Nitroids" Looking back it's quite the cheesy name, but I was young, and I liked it at the time. I read back to the last story i wrote the previous day, to remind myself of what's next.
"Last time on the Nitroids, Shadow's 3rd form has been unleashed, and is quite powerful. He threatens to destroy Equestria again, and attempts a large charging energy blast from his mouth. Can the Nitroids stop Shadow from prevailing?"
I always wrote these in episode form, or close to it. I introduced them like a kid's show, and wrote their adventure's in book form.
Shadow was the dark dragon that always threatens to destroy Equestria. He morphs into a stronger darker dragon at times, and becomes a harder challenge.
There are 3 Nitroids. Chip-the flame unicorn. Speed-the fast air controlling Pagasis. and Cooper, the electrical Unicorn. They are all friends of course, and met by coincidence....
"Speed, we have to stop the blast from charging! You'll have to hit him in the stomach, and cancel his focus." Chip ordered.
"On it!" Speed confirmed. He flexed his wings, and took off instantly. He charged through the air, trying to gain enough velocity to give Shadow a critical hit, and cancel his energy. It doesn't work...
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I was planning out how the heroes would stop him. As well as plan the next story... I tapped my chin with my pen. The door opened suddenly, and it startled me slightly. I shivered a little.
"Oh, sorry..." It was my mom.
"It's okay mom. What's up?" I asked.
"Well, I got your results from the camp director. I thought I'd let you open them, instead of me." My mom trotted over with an envelope addressed to me. It had the Flight camp name on it....But it wasn't the right camp.
"I thought we applied to the camp down the street?" I asked. Not really too concerned.
"Well, one of Scarlet's friends is a counselor at the one across town. In fact, We'll be moving around there anyway." She said.
"Oh, we're moving?" I asked, quite calmly.
"Yes. We'll be getting a better house actually." She said smiling a bit more.
I opened the letter. I was accepted, but I didn't really feel much about it. I was extremely indifferent. No feeling of happiness, or sadness. Just acceptance.
"Excited?" She asked.
"....Not really. I don't feel anything about it." I said almost monotone.
"Maybe you will when you get there, or when you take flight." She smiled, and stroked my mane one time.
"Maybe." I said trying to sound optimistic.
"Dinner's ready by the way." She said almost out of the room.
"Okay, I'll be there in a minute." I replied.
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Dinner was good as always. My mom's cutie mark was a chef hat. She loved to cook. She could make anything taste good. My favorite thing was always her spaghetti. She had the best recipe for sauce, and seasoning for the noodles.
We packed the next day. I got to miss school, which was cool I guess. It wasn't too much to pack. The furniture was the hardest. But we got Scarlet's friends who were stallions to help us out. I helped with what I could, but I was still a filly, so I would have been a burden in any heavy lifting.
We got done packing, and started up the moving wagon. "We'll be visiting dad on the way." My mom said. I always wish that meant what it sounds like. But my dad died shortly after I was born. He was in the weather factory, and his legs got caught in the machine.
My mom always gave my dad's tombstone flowers. One's that Scarlet grew of course. When I discover my talent in the world, I want to give my dad something too. I have no idea what It will be, but I'm determined.
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We settled into the new house near Flight camp. It was quite nice. I liked the size of my room. It was bigger, but I didn't know what to do with the empty space.
Flight camp was the next day. I still felt nothing towards it,except a little anxiety. I hope I don't have to talk to too many people.
Sure enough, it came, and I didn't have to talk ALL too much. Just say my name, and raise my hoof, and start on the exercise, and that was about it. One filly in my class caught my eye. She was near me, a little to the left. She was yellow, and had soft pink mane, and beautiful aqua-green eyes. She looked quite nervous. I was nervous too, but I guess my indifference clouded it on the outside. We had a small break. I wanted to talk to her. She was shy as well, so...maybe it wouldn't feel too hard for me, I mean, she would know what it's like maybe.
I trotted over to her, right behind her. My stomach felt weird all of a sudden. I wanted to talk to her, more than anything, but I became really nervous....More nervous than wanting to talk to other fillies in my class. I lost my nerve. Although, It actually felt different this time. It felt saddening, I missed my chance today....I might get another, but why didn't I instantly think that? I felt almost depressed that I didn't talk to her.
I continued the day, and she was still there. She sat a little farther from me this time. She was towards my far right. I kept glancing at her, only to look forward, and glance again. Her eyes were breathtaking. She looked so pure. I've never seen her. WHY am I feeling this way?! I'm not in LOVE with her am I? I can't be, I've never heard her voice even.
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The week progressed. The classes rotated counselors, not students. I guess that makes it a lot less confusing. At least II could see....her....every day flight camp was in session....Geez...I NEED to talk to her at some point today.... I'll have to wait until break, but it will have to do.
Break....FINALLY! I trotted over to.....her..... I hesitated. I put my hoof out catching up to her multiple times, only to slow down, and try again. I finally decided.....I would do this....
"Um....Hi, I'm.....Axel...." I said completely with hesitation.
"...Oh.....Hi.....I'm...Flutter......" She said her name was Flutter..something...but she whispered it at the last second....I couldn't make it out.
"I...I'm sorry, I couldn't hear what you said your name was." I put on a nervous smile.
"....Fluttersh......" We're getting somewhere...I heard a couple more letters. But I still couldn't make the name out completely.
"I'm sorry, I still couldn't get the last part." I said.
She shook and let out a large fearful squeaking noise, and stood there. I didn't exactly know how to respond. It was a mixture between disappointing, and extremely adorable.
I sat down towards her. "Well, if you're scared to say it....can you...whisper it in my ear? If that helps..."
She nodded. She leaned to my ear, and gazed back and forth. "Fluttershy." She said. I was able to make out the words this time. I didn't exactly repeat it. I nodded my head top confirm.
"Nice to meet you." I said. She shook again. She squeaked and ran off....
I wanted catch up to her, and try again, but she ran off for a reason....whatever it may be....
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Later that day, Fluttershy was next to do the small scale flying practices. I was in a different small group, though I was still observing her. I felt creepy, but I couldn't help myself. Were fillies my age supposed to feel this way already?
A camp counselor forced her off of the small scale drop, to practice flying. He ended up pushing her....It looked like it was on purpose.... Kids laughed at her instantly, chanting hurtful things at her. They started to say "Fluttershy can hardly fly" All together. I was the only one not verbally hurting her. She cried really hard in the little spot she landed in. She eventually ran off into the other part of the practice room.
I followed her shortly after she settled in a corner. She cried into her legs. It hurt me, even though they were hurting her. I sat down with her. She must not have noticed me. I didn't want to speak. The kids over there spoke enough. I stretched out my hooves, and hugged her. She still cried, but it was softer. She hugged back. No one noticed us. We were too far in the corner.
I got back from flight camp that day. I really didn't want to explain anything about Fluttershy, and kids making fun of her, and how I like her, and all that. Because I really don't want my family to put their noses in her issues. It's the "right" thing to do, but knowing how shy she is, and the other issues that might follow, and how MY mouth spoke of it, it might do more harm than good.
"How was flight camp, Axel?" My mom asked.
"It was normal, nothing to really talk about." Of course I lied, but I had to.
"Oh, well alright. Are you hungry?" She asked, looking over a pot of mac and cheese.
"No, I'm fine. Maybe later. I'll be in my room if you need me." I was always hungry after flight camp. Today, however, I had too much on my mind to worry about my stomach. The thought of Fluttershy crying, and other ponies just tormenting her for small, petty reasons just sickens me! How would they feel if they were made fun of in front of the whole class, and just laughed at?
I got out my notebook. However, today, I wasn't feeling the "action packed adventures of these imaginary ponies". I wanted to write something with more meaning. I found a spare notebook around my dresser. I'm gonna try something that I've never thought of before. I'm gonna write a love story....I just hope no one else sees this.... Even my own mom. She might laugh at the idea.
I began to write. I thought of a title first. "Separated Wings Never Fly as Fast". I'll make this a novel....It's gonna be hard, seeing as I've never written a story more than a few pages long..... Here goes....
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Chapter 1: Mental Journeys
I began my walk through the depths of my mind, and wondered into my soul, which led to my heart. It was beating faster than usual. Was I around something scary, or exciting? I take a look back at reality, and there she is. Fluttershy.....
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I quickly reread the first snippet of the handwriting. I actually used Fluttershy's name..... I erased it as soon as I realized that I did. I didn't know what else to use....All I could think of...was her name...no one else's. I couldn't put a face like that to a different name....It's not possible, it fits her all too well... I re-wrote it. I continued writing. I soon realized I was spewing my thoughts and feelings as they happened in life on the paper. Geez, what's happening to me? I thought again... I ripped the first page, which wasn't even filled yet. I began a new page, and started over.
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Chapter 1: The Voiceless Colt
"See ya later!" A filly said to my right. I almost replied, but the filly to my left replied first. She wasn't actually talking to me. It hurts thinking someone WANTS to talk to you, but they really don't. That's how my school life has always been. My voice usually goes unheard. Some say they don't know what I even sound like. During recess, I just sit in a far away place and watch in envy at the other young ponies, enjoying their time in the playground, and having fun with their...."friends". I don't really know what friends are like. They seem like they'd be nice to have. Although, I might never know....
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After writing almost three pages, I realize that EVERYTHING I had written HAPPENED, or happens all the time...This was ME.... It's like my brain just wants me to write my life down. I gave in, and wrote it all. I wrote the previous days of school, My sister Scarlet, and my mom, and everything...And of course, Fluttershy. I hope no one ever finds this. I finished Chapter 1 with almost 10 pages of writing. I didn't think I could even do that... In fact, I was knocked out. I woke up at 10:00 AM. I fell asleep around 6:00 PM yesterday. I looked at the notebook. I noticed something as my vision focused. A page. Loose leaf, not a part of the notebook. I froze as I read the really large words "Awwwww" It was my sister's handwriting... Oh no... I already failed my mission of secrecy. GREAT!
I went in the living room. Scarlet was awake. "I was just about to get you up" She said jokingly.
"Why did you read that?" I asked.
"Read wha...oooooh! That!" She said, sounding a little sarcastic.
"Yeah, that." I said, sounding weak.
"That was sooo cute!" She said like a grandma who pinches cheeks. "I didn't know you could write like that!" Now she was complimenting me. She was a nice sister, so I guess that was her whole intention.
"I've been practicing." I said carelessly, going in the kitchen.
"AXEL! YOUR FLANK!" She said really loudly.
"What? What happ........NO WAY!!!!!" I got my cutie mark. It was a pencil and a sheet of paper. I bounced in excitement. I guess I'm a writer... Flight camp was today, so I guess I can be a little more happy today.
I arrived at flight camp again, hoping to actually have a lengthy conversation with Fluttershy today. I begin to walk towards the main practice area, and one of the counselors is yelling at another counselor. My sister's friend April was yelling at the counselor I had yesterday.
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO FLUTTERSHY?!!!" She looked as if she was going to murder somepony.
"Nothing, what do you mean?" He said with no emotion. That liar. He pushed her, and if anything caused her pain yesterday,
"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO MY SISTER?!!" I almost didn't believe I heard that. Sister? Oh, man, what a coincidence... I'm not ever going to tell Scarlet that....Oh wait....she read my story yesterday. GREAT!
After a little while, April stormed off, I moved on as well. I saw Fluttershy in the distance getting made fun of by a couple of colts. I almost went over there to help, but another filly came to her rescue. She had a rainbow mane. She looked tough, so I just watched, trying to stay invisible. Not like anypony would notice anyway.The rainbow mane filly challenged one of the colts to a race in the main track. I slowly crept behind them to watch. She gave Fluttershy the flag, and the racers trotted towards the starting line. My eyes were focused on Fluttershy. She looks so cute... I feel creepy just watching her without talking to her. Maybe after today, I'll be able to talk to her and converse for more than a minute.
She waved, the flag, and the racers were off, and Fluttershy....disappeared. I...I didn't see her on the track. There was a gap in the clouds... Oh no.... April flew after her, and so did the rainbow mane filly. I...I wanted to help, I just...I'm too weak. I can't do anything spontaneously, and feel confident, I...What is wrong with me?
I walked off, I couldn't even fly yet, so the previous idea wouldn't have helped at all. After that event, flight camp was dismissed early. I walked alone as always. I felt more alone than usual. You'd think it would always feel the same since I had nopony to call a friend, but...I almost had Fluttershy. I almost HAD a friend. I hope they find her... Please let her be Okay.
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A couple days passed, and flight camp was cancelled for the entire season. They never found Fluttershy. I stood in my room for a long time, I didn't come out, or eat, or anything. I didn't even write. Out of all the things I could write ABOUT, I didn't want to express any of them. I felt too much pain. If I tried to spew my emotions on a piece of paper, it would make no sense. I'm too clouded by pain to write anything decent. I just sat there, staring out my window. Imagining Fluttershy's face in the sky. I began to tear up, and then my lip quivered, and then I began to lose it. I sobbed. I grabbed my pillow to soften them, but they were heard by my sister. She came in.
"Axel...I'm, I'm really sorry about what happened. April told me about her sister, and I know you liked Fluttershy. I didn't tell her about you, but I didn't want to make it awkward." She hugged me tightly. I cried into her chest.
"Don't you want to eat something? You haven't eaten since yesterday. Mom's really worried." She was concerned, but she couldn't know what I felt. Fluttershy could be dead.
"No, I'm not hungry..." I said softly.
"At least take a shower, you haven't showered in two days." I must really stink.
"Fine..." I said. I got into the shower and turned on the warm water. At least in the shower, it's not obvious that I cried the whole time. I was in the shower for a good twenty-five minutes. It was relaxing, but it didn't cure the pain any.
I got out of the shower, and I wiped part of the mirror so I could see my face. I looked into my eyes really deeply. I almost had my nose on the mirror. I thought about something really quickly. My eyes...the gateway to my soul. The only way I can see them is a mirror. The condensation fogs the image. If s mirror isn't clear, you wipe it, to make sure it's there. And sometimes, you're not satisfied with what you see. I'm not... It's almost like a drawing... If you mess up, you erase the mistake, although it smudges, making the mistake and erasing attempt obvious. So it's always obvious when you fix something you don't like. In a mirror, the image is the same, unless you fix...you... I can't change my physical appearance without it being obvious, however, I can change my mentality, which makes you believe you look good, or that you feel good.... I'll have to figure out where I am in life at the moment. I've gotta write my heart out into this notebook.
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As soon as I got back to my room, I grabbed the notebook, and wrote, and wrote, and wrote. Every word just came to me instantly. I didn't stop writing. I was going to get through these few chapters before I feel like not talking about them again. I had began to slow. I was done with chapter 4 already. I actually added a few details, and events, seeing as this WAS a book.
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A whole year had passed, and I slowly finished the book. Seeing as I had no more to write about Fluttershy after chapter 4, I began to fictionalize events, and things into the future. It was a love story, so I had to make it end with romance of some sort.
I was done. My whole year's worth of writing was done. I was only 10, and i wrote a whole book. I looked at publishing companies around Cloudsdale, and they all turned me down. My grammar, and writing style was too...inexperienced. It might as well be. I was only 10. Maybe some other day, I'll re-write it, and make it better even.
5th grade started, and we had to introduce ourselves to the class, and teacher. I was nervous, but I managed to speak for 10 seconds or so. One of the colts in my class said that he loved to write too. His cutie mark was a quill, and parchment. I took interest in him. He was different than me though. His voice was very clear, and loud. He seemed so outgoing, and confident. I might not be good friends with him, even if I tried.
Recess hit. My "Favorite" time of the day. Where I'd just sit in a far enough distance from everyone else, watching them have fun while I spend time in my thoughts.
The colt from my class came towards me.
"Hey there." He said in a friendly manner.
"Oh, hey." I said trying to sound the same, but my voice was too soft.
"You said you like writing, right?" He asked. I got a little happy.
"Yeah. You do too right?" I returned
"Oh yeah." He said, nodding "So, do you have any stories with you? I brought some of mine." He pulled out a notebook.
"I don't have any with me, but I'd love to hear some of yours." I replied. He smiled widely.
He showed me a couple stories he'd wrote. A lot of them were really simple, realistic stories. His style was comedy. He was pretty good at making puns, and jokes. We talked about them for awhile.
It was time to go back in class unfortunately. "Bring yours tomorrow man! I'd love to hear them." He said.
The next day arrived. I was excited to go to school today. I met a colt who shares the same interest as me. He and I both loved to write stories. Today, I would show him my book that I wrote, as well as a small collection of the super hero stories.
I arrived in class and saw him at his desk, staring into space before class.
"Hey dude." I greeted.
"Oh, hey. What's up?" He replied.
"Nothing much, I brought a story to show you. Well, actually, It's a novel I've written." His eyes grew wide as dinner plates.
"Novel!?" He exclaimed. "A whole book? How long? What about?" He was talking kinda fast. It wasn't that amazing, honestly.
"A hundred or so pages. Kinda short, but a novel at the least." I shrugged. I tried to be humble. Not that I was conceited in the first place though.
"Dude! Show me!" He said excitedly. I brought out the notebook, but the teacher just came in, and asked the class to go to their seats. "Alright, later then." He said
I didn't pay attention to the class today. I actually overlooked my novel, "Separated Wings Never Fly as Fast" I overlooked the book, and skimmed through the chapters of the future....the future I WISH could happen.
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Chapter 8- We bring back the past
I found my way through these pony houses, and just started to walk, and get a feel for this new place.The ground is actually kind of nice. I look through all the ponies and see one in particular. An all too familiar face. Her coat yellow, and her mane pink, and beautiful...Fluttershy. "She's here?" I asked myself. I walked over to her, and we began to catch up on things. She informed me that she landed actually safely, and became used to the ground. She agreed to come with me to a dinner get together. A date I guess...
I looked at the page, and stopped at that paragraph... I forgot about some of the details put in here. It brought me to depression. I realized that I will actually never wake up to see this event. My dreams being this great, are just fantasy. I wish I could just see her again one day, and have the book make sense. I soon realized that I was crying. My teacher stopped. She was confused.
"What's wrong?" She didn't know what to say other than that. I did not respond. I just sobbed. I couldn't control myself. My heart was not only spilled on the page, but was now spilling out through my eyes. I walked out of class to calm down. I eventually did... But my emotions remained the same, even if my eyes "felt" better.
Recess came along. I walked back into the classroom to get my book. My teacher was out of the room. I looked on my desk. It was gone. My saddlebag was there, just not my notebook....
"Oh no...." I thought. "NO! NO! No one is supposed to know yet!!" I yelled in my head. I walked outside. I found another corner. The one I'm so used to had fillies beside it for some reason. They looked at me funny. I assumed they saw the book, or at least some of the wording. Great....No one even knows who fluttershy is, but it really doesn't matter...It still hurts. I love her...I shouldn't feel this way, but I do... I HATE IT! Why can't I just let it go!!??? WHY!!?????
The friend I thought I had made seemed to be hanging out with other colts. I didn't walk over. He saw me, but pretended he didn't, and said nothing about it to any of the colts he was with.... Can this day get any worse?
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Recess ended, and I was called to the guidance office. I already kinda knew why. What was written in that book wasn't just love...but the sheer description of loneliness, and having no one else but yourself to depend on in life...Never loving anyone else, because the one you did love, is now gone.
I arrived. The counselor had the notebook on her desk.
"Have a seat, Axel." I sat down slowly, and hesitantly. "These words are powerful. I skimmed through parts of the chapters, and I can tell that...you're alone. Whoever died in this book, must mean a lot to you. No colt can make up a tragedy like this without experiencing it." She rambled about it. I listened, but I didn't absorb any of the words. They were useless to me. She stressed confidence in one self, and all this other garbage I'll never have.
After the visit at the office, I came home, and hid the book in my closet, and put it in a random box with stuff I never touched anymore...If I was going to forget about Fluttershy, I had to do it Cold turkey...Just gradually forget... And hope her face never appears in my mind again...Ever...
5th grade passed. I spent the summer at home, doing nothing but, you guessed it, writing. I tried to write exciting things, action. As school got closer, my stomach tied faster, and more painfully. The colt I almost became friends with never talked to me after the second day I met him. He forgot I existed, like every other pony outside of my family. I TRIED not to exist soon enough. I felt like just accepting that I'll always be alone. No one to call a friend. No one to have sleep overs with. No one to talk to when I'm down. No one my age I can trust...No one....Not a single pony.
6th grade...Here we go...
We started off with "getting to know each other" activities. I didn't even get up. No one came to ask me any of the questions. I just sat there, as if I was some invisible entity. I can see you, but you can't see me sort of thing. We did roll call, and When I raised my hoof to show I was here, half the class didn't know I was even here. That's typical though.
As the year progressed, I began to get picked on by these older colts. They called me names like weak. Spineless, a pussy. And they threatened to beat me up for no reason. I didn't get it. I hated myself enough. Why do I need them to remind me how worthless I am? That's all there is to say about 6th grade.
7th grade. I was bullied a little bit, but not much. I felt a little better about myself, because people KNEW I existed. When the class was assigned to write poetry, I was always classified as the best poet. The teacher agreed. I didn't say much besides "Thanks" or something simple. I almost refused to make friends at this point. If I'd never had a friend before, why start now? I was fine on my own it seemed.....
8th grade... Here we have torment, and hell... I had to move again. Move schools at least. There was a problem with zoning, so I had to transfer to some other middle school. I hated it.... I was quiet, but still managed to be picked on. The bullying happened again. It got really bad. They beat me up a few times. They tormented me constantly. I was never anything other than dirt to them. In fact, the young mares made fun of me now too. They all hated my guts for what seemed like no reason...I got tired of it. I had to take a long walk. I found a corner of cloudsdale, and I jumped... I closed my eyes, so I wouldn't be tempted to fly by instinct. I passed out from altitude change.
I woke up after somepony saved me...sompeony...saved me? why? I saw a trail of rainbow, fading away as the pony got farther and farther away. I shook off the feeling. I was back on Cloudsdale. Crap.... I couldn't even kill myself....
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The next day of school, I snapped. Some bully made fun of me as always, but I got mad. More than usual. I got infuriated. I quickly turned around and punched him. It was a hard punch. I saw bllodd instantly. He got up, but I bucked him in the face. His nose cracked, and broke. I walked off after that. No one messed with me after that day. I just couldn't take it. When a bottle reaches it's limits, it spills until the capacity is back to normal.
I was finally in 9th grade. The same crap happened from last year...Bully after bully, after bully. I got suicidal again. I went to the corner of Cloudsdale, and tried my luck again. This time, however, I did hit the ground. I could feel it, but I couldn't feel the pain yet. Unfortunately, I was still alive.
I woke up in a hospital. A nurse mare asked how I felt. "Numb..." I replied.
"That will ware off soon." She said. "You're lucky." She continued. "Barely any injuries, but the ones you have will hurt for awhile." That seems unreal. I still can't kill myself.
"No...I'm not lucky. I wanted to die." I said.
"what?..." She asked softly.
"I hate life...I just wanted to end it. I just can't take it, everyone hates me." I looked at the mare..."Where are your wings?" I asked.
"Oh, you're on the ground, silly." I forgot.
"How long has it been?" I asked.
"A couple days." She returned with concern in her voice.
I didn't say anything. Scarlet, and mom are probably worried. "When will I be out of here?" I wanted to see mom, and scarlet.
"Probably by tomorrow." She said. That would have to do.....
........
The day passed by, and I took flight back to Cloudsdale. It wasn't as easy as usual. My body still hurt pretty bad. My wings ached with every flap. Arriving to my house, I took a deep breath, and exhaled. I knocked on the door. Scarlet answered...
"Oh thank Celestia!" She said hugging me with tears. I felt guilty. I would have to tel her everything that happened. My mom came out and held us all in a tight hug. Explaining this would suck. But I had to.
....................
Finishing my story of sadness, was heartbreaking to them. They never looked at me the same way again. It goes to show how much your family doesn't always know about you...
I was now 16 years old. After a lot of convincing, and promises, my mom let me drop out. Scarlet finished, and had a nice job on the ground, helping with weather on the ground. My mom told me that since I've dropped out, and I'm not going to school, I have to live as if I've grown up. Meaning, I can't live at home. Scarlet is letting me stay with her. Through all these years, Scarlet is the ONLY friend I've had. It might have to stay that way. It probably will. At this rate, I'll never find that special somepony who loves me, and who I also love, no matter what.
I began to pack. I looked in my closet, which was clogged with random old toys still. I looked on the shelf, and I saw a box of my childhood belongings. I tried to make a "self time capsule." I looked in it. My old lunch box, some old stories about "The Nitroids" And some other stories. I looked in the notebook of the Nitroids. My grammar and spelling and such, were really bad. I mean, I WAS a young colt, but I can't believe it was this bad. I picked up an old robot toy, and examined it. "This was from when I was 6." Under it, lied the memory I never wanted to remember. I promised to forget it... "Separated Wings Never Fly as Fast." I looked at the pages. I remember writing this, from so long ago. I looked in the chapters where I said I'd be 16. Everything to the exact detail ACTUALLY happened. I looked in the chapters of when I was in middle school. EVERYTHING! exact. The suicide attempts, and all.
"How is this even possible?" I thought to myself. "There's no way I could have predicted the future THIS well." I put in in my case, and promised myself to look at it later. I also threw in some of the Nitroid stories. I'm going to make sure to go somewhere with writing some day in my life.
After packing, I flew down to Scarlet's. My wings never were the same after being in the hospital. I could fly, but I was only half as fast as I used to be. Scarlet prepared a room for me, and I thanked her. I had to find some sort of job, to at least show I'm making some sort of effort towards life.
..................
It's been a month now, and I haven't found a job. Last night though, I realized that whatever divine force is not letting me have friends, is getting more and more cruel. Scarlet was out on a night shift at the diner she works at. The police knocked on my door. They gave me some bad news. There was a shooting at the diner. She was caught in it. Straight in the head. No pulse, no breath, no heart beat. She's gone.
The only friend I could hold close in the world... The only pony who was always nice to me, and loved me...Is gone. What am I going to do now? I literally have NO ONE!! My sister is dead. I sat on the couch the whole night, and became lost in my own thoughts of depression and grief. I didn't move it seemed. I didn't sleep either. I didn't even write anything. I remembered the book I wrote. I hesitated. I pased around the bag I hadn't touched, with the notebook in it. I opened the notebook. page 89. Me, 16 years old...Living with my sister, and she dies at her job... I predicted this....I predicted everything that happened in my life!!! I didn't even know it! I don't know how I could have predicted such a thing. What is this? Is this some sort of curse?
I promise Scarlet, I'll make you proud... I'll try to live the way you always wanted me to...
There was a funeral for her. I went, and her friends didn't talk to me, or say anything to me. My mom was silent too. She cried a lot. But I wasn't spoken to. I tried to talk to her, but I only got one word answers, or cries... I need to be here. But, I can't even converse with anyone. I'm losing everyone, and everything... My mom doesn't speak to me. No one even was friends with me in the first place...What's wrong with me? What am I in the world for? .............................................
I sulked in my sadness for a few days. After a week, I managed to get a job. I helped at some place called Sugarcube Corner. Selling sweets. I was hired so that one of the other employees could take a break and stop eating half of the food they cooked.
I was working from 11:00 AM to about 4:00 PM in the afternoon. I'd get a customer or a few every 20 minutes. at about 3:30 PM a mare came in, she sounded a little annoyed. She had a rainbow mane.
"Have you seen Pinkie Pie?" She asked.
"No, sorry, she's not working this shift. I haven't seen her." I said.
"Alright." She went off. She flew, and a rainbow streak followed her path. Kinda like when somepony saved me from falling. Is it the same pony?
After about 10 minutes. Another mare came in. She was looking for Pinkie Pie as well. Pinkie Pie must have been popular.
"Have you seen Pinkie Pie?" She asked with a very hesitant, and shy voice.
"Sorry, I haven't. Another pony came looking for her too a few minutes ago."
"Okay, thank you." She said, trotting off. Her voice was soft, and sweet. I thought about her for a few minutes. I felt like I've heard that kind of voice before. Her appearance seems familiar too. Pink hair, yellow coat...
I suddenly had the most random flash back of early childhood. I was about 9 years old. I heard a chant "Fluttershy can hardly fly!" I heard her cry, and I came over and hugged her, and comforted her. .. Fluttershy.......FLUTTERSHY!!! SHE'S ALIVE!!!!!
I ran home after my shift was over. I yanked the seemingly cursed notebook, and looked near the end. I remember the details. It was said she managed to land, and remain on the ground safely. It was also said that....She remembers me. That's all the reassurance I need. She might be out there somewhere in town. I had to find her. I couldn't run up to her and just blurt out this book. I had to play it cool. "I just went out for a walk. Fancy to see you here." I played in my head. yeah, that would work...
I walked out of my house casually. I walked near Sugarcube corner, to see if Fluttershy was anywhere in the area. Didn't look like it.
"Oh, Hey Axel!" Said a happy sounding voice. It was undoubtedly Pinkie Pie.
"Hey, Pinkie. Your friends were looking for you. One with a Rainbow mane." I said.
She thought for a second. "Oh, yeah! Today was our late afternoon picnic. i promised to be there."
"oh. Okay." I nodded.
"You should come with me. I think you'd like my friends." She suggested. I obviously accepted. I'd never get a chance this easy to catch up with Fluttershy.
"oh. Sure! I need something to do anyway." I said, nervously grinning.
"Alright. Let's go" She began to hop along the trail to the park. I followed
We arrived at the park. Her friends looked at me a little funny since I was unfamiliar.
"Who's this Pinkie?" an English sounding pony inquired.
"This is Axel. He's taking over for the noon shifts at sugarcube corner." She gave me a friendly nudge. I smiled nervously.
Fluttershy looked at me deeply. I tried not to make too much eye contact. When I did, she looked away. Does she remember me?
The ponies introduced themselves to me. Fluttershy was the last of them. She was just as shy as I remember.
We started conversations. wasn't participating too much. Fluttershy asked me a question I was about to ask as well.
"You look sort of familiar...I don't know where though." She said in her soft voice
"Oh yeah, I kinda remember you from somewhere too." Said the rainbow maned pony.
I sighed. I had to spill the beans RIGHT now. "I was in flight camp with you and Fluttershy.. I was with her in class when she got made fun of for being pushed. I was the only other pony who didn't make fun of her. When she went into a corner, I went over to her, and hugged her. I remember her returning the embrace...I was also there when you fell off the clouds. I thought you were a goner. I spent my life trying to forget about you...because...i loved you on the inside. I tried to start conversations, but I was not very social. I was so hesitant to talk to you. When I finally did, I found out that you were shy too. It was a weird feeling. When you fell, I spent days in sorrow, I wrote a novel, and spewed my emotions and stories on paper. I finished writing it a year afterwards. What's weird is, I wrote events that spanned out from being 9...to 16. I made up events that might happen. The weird thing is..everything in that book happened in exact detail. Everything from me being bullied and alone in school, to you surviving the fall off the cloud. It's as if I'm an unintentional psychic or something."
They were all silent, and paying attention to me spilling out my past, and troubles, and the book...Everything.
"I thought it was you." She said, coming closer to me. "I've wanted to find you ever since I fell" In my head, I thought I'd never see you again. I thought, you wouldn't remember me even if I found you."
We were both silent. We smiled at each other, and gave each other a tight embrace. She nuzzled her nose on my neck. The other ponies watched.
"Awwwww!" Some of them said. Pinkie Pie cried a little.
"I love you too..." Fluttershy said... We just met again...It may be happening too fast. But I was still enjoying every second of it...
Fluttershy remembered me. I remembered Fluttershy. We started to spend time together. Just us. We shared what happened after she fell to the ground, and started to date, I guess you could say.
We loved each other, in fact, after meeting her, I made friends...Her friends. They welcomed me into their circle. One day, Fluttershy told me about their connection with Princess Celestia. That theywrite letters to her, to tell her how they're developing in life. She wanted me to write one.
"It would be a long letter. Are you sure she'd want to take the time to read this?" I asked.
"Oh, yes. I know she would love it." She suggested with a sincere smile.
I shrugged a little. I got my pencil, and began to write my life story. Fluttershy said it would be fine to do that. It was a good 8 pages...That was just shortening it, and summarizing, only giving minor details.
A couple days after, she replied. Fluttershy gave me the letter. It was nice to know that the princess actually cared about just one person enough to reply
............................................
Dear Axel,
I want you to know that I am ever so happy you finally found light in the darkness, despite all the hardships. The fact that we can all develop with enough work is really something to appreciate, is it not? I would really love to have your book published, and anything else you would like to share with the world. Hope to hear from you frequently
-Princess Celestia
.................................................
My eyes became teary. I was smiling so widely that my cheeks hurt. My books, and stories, published, by Celestia's approval? This is a DREAM to many credible writers.
"You ok?" Fluttershy asked.
"I'm...I'm fine. She wants to publish my books and stories." I said, not able to control my happiness.
"That's wonderful!" Fluttershy cheered. It wasn't a loud cheer, but it WAS Fluttershy.
....................................
In our early adulthood, Fluttershy and I, got married. My stories became very popular. I had only gotten positive reviews on posts. I was asked to post a biography. I did. Every word, and hardship faced was mentioned.
Fluttershy's animals seemed to like me even.
The sheer fact that I came from a deep dark trench, all the way into fame, and recognition, and happiness in only a couple years was amazing! I wrote to the princess all the time, and thanked her for her generosity.
I never wrote books about "Life" again. Because What happened earlier, predictions of the future, might happen again. I'd like to keep life a surprise, and live every day, learning something new, without expecting something else.
........................
Scarlet...I did it...I reached the life I KNOW you and mom would have wanted. I'll miss you. I'll be sure to see mom soon to tell her the good news. Or maybe she already knows... I can sincerely say that through the years of loneliness, I have found that Special Somepony, and have found ponies I can actually call "Friends." A dream I never thought I'd achieve....
After a couple years or so being with Fluttershy, I remembered a lot of my past. When I was alone, in school at Cloudsdale, and seeing my dad...Seeing my...dad...OH! I forgot my promise to him. I promised I'd give him something when I figure out my talent!
It was obvious that I would be giving him some literature. I'll give him a poem. It would mean more to me than a story. Stories are all I usually write. I write poetry once in a blue moon. Maybe less... Fluttershy was attending our foals...That's right, our foals. They were a year old now. Twins. One a colt, and one a little filly. They had bright blue coats, and soft pink manes like Fluttershy's. The colt was named Treble Cleff. The filly was named after my sister. Scarlet Rose.
After observing my family, I got to the poem for my dad.
I see you in stone, and ink
but your name, is all it speaks
the frame your bound to and paused
Only tells me a split second, not how it was caused
The dust gathers, and time passes
but love lasts, and pain crashes
the blood in me will still love on
Even though they say your gone
Physically, you're not there
But in my heart, I feel it tear
In pony heaven, whatever you do
Scarlet, is right next to you
Even though the past has been bad
I still wish I was there, to call you "Dad"
I cried a little after reading it back. Scarlet was buried right next to him. I'd have to write her something as well.
Sister, I wish you to see
The stallion that I've grown to be
Living life day by day
With no sadness in my way
I see the colors not just gray
The colors brighten every day
the family name will continue
And every day, I'll miss you
I hope you're with dad, having fun
Now there's two, not just one
Remember me, for I have a gift
I'm living the life you wanted me to live
You've given me hope, no matter where it goes
Because you always were the perfect rose
I was proud of this one too. I put them in separate bottles, and actually addressed them with t tag and such. I gave Scarlet a rose in hers. I also put a picture of me as a kid in Dad's.
I took my foals, and Fluttershy to their graves. I told them that my dad was their grandpa, and that Scarlet is their aunt. I put the bottles right beside the graves. I told them about Scarlet, and I couldn't really describe Dad, other than what my mom told me. that he was caring, and loving.
As life progresses, keep old promises. They could mean something to you later, no matter how simple they are.
I'm gonna miss Scarlet, but if it weren't for her, my life wouldn't be anything like this at all...
I even went to Cloudsdale to visit mom. She was getting old. No too old, but old enough to notice. I told my foals that we'd be meeting Grandma. I knocked on the door, and when she opened it, she burst into tears with the biggest hug possible. We were invited in, and I told her about my life after I left, and introduced her to my foals, and acquainted her with Fluttershy a bit more, seeing as she didn't know her all too well. It was an emotional day, however, it made me feel like all the crap I went through was all worth it. I would have never achieved anything if everything didn't happen the way it did. As painful as it was, I'm glad it worked out.......
