Chapter I
“Ugh...my head...ugghh” the semi-conscious purple Unicorn, Twilight Sparkle, softly groaned as she slowly, yet steadily awoke from her daze. She felt exhausted, both her front and back sets of hooves were weak, her entire body ached, and she could barely lift her head up to cast any magic. When she attempted to move them about and regain composure, she felt the resistance from the shackles she was bound by, which instantly put her into a panic and caused her to jerk herself completely out of the haze. She was lying on her back on what felt like a pile of soft, loose, hay and all that could be seen was pitch black with a tall, skinny, vertical beam of light poking through from outside. “W-Where am I?!” she asked into the opening vast of darkness, but all she heard was her own cry echoed back at her.
In the distance, a loud creaking noise jarred through the dark room and that tall, skinny, vertical light started to grow wider as the sound grew louder. Suddenly, it was clear to Twilight that she was in the Sweet Apple Acres barn. As the sound of the barn doors opening came to a stop, Twilight squinted as her eyes readjusted to the light. Quickly peering around, she noticed that there weren't any sharp objects, torture devices, or surgical tools lying about, which put a few ideas in her racing mind at ease. A small sigh of relief escaped her throat. She couldn't make out what appeared to be two pony-shaped silhouettes as they walked out from behind the doors. As they got closer and closer, casting long shadows the entire way, Twilight's heart pounded in her chest and she eventually shouted “Who's there!? Why am I chained up!? What's going on here!?” towards her captures. With one last effort, the silhouettes opened the barn doors to their maximum and the entire place lit up from the sunlight.
“Hush now, Twi, it's just yer ol' pals Apple Jack and Rainbow” gently spoke the cowboy hat-wearing, Earth pony, Apple Jack. “All right, but that doesn't answer my other questions!” Twilight exclaimed as she wiggled herself around to make the shackles and chains rattle. “Relax.” chimed in the light blue Pegasus pony with the rainbow colored mane who was keeping herself hovered several inches off of the ground. “We know how much you like science and we wanted to conduct an experiment!” she continued. “An experiment!?” repeated Twilight. “Yea!” the Earth pony spoke as she placed her saddlebag down on the floor of the barn. “Ya see, Rainbow and I had so much fun after our last competition that we wanted to try somethin' new! ...And this time around, I'll be the winner!”
Floating gracefully to the floor and looking her friend in the face, she replied with a smile “Fat chance, work horse! I learned last time that friendship comes before competition, but I'm going to win this one hooves-down! I was even nice enough to give you that head start because I...kind of...cheated last time by using my wings, but don't think it'll be enough to beat me!” she said as her stomach started to churn and gurgle ominously. “Okay, so the agreed upon rule was that the first one to make her pass out wins, right?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Uhh-Yup.” she replied...mimicking her older brother Big Macintosh.
“Will somepony please tell me WHAT THE BUCK is going on here!?” the unicorn cried out loud! It didn't take any schooling at the school for gifted Unicorns for either of them to realize that Twilight was quite upset about the whole predicament.
“Simmer down, Twi. Sorry we had to knock you out cold, heh heh. You'll find out soon enough. Like we already mentioned, this is a competition, you're our judge, and your job is not to speak. As a matter of fact, I almost forgot!” she said as she reached into her saddlebag, pulled out a red, rubber ball attached to a thick, black rubber-band, and quickly fastened it around the back of Twilight Sparkle's head and into her mouth so that she literally couldn't speak.
“Ladies first, Rainbow Dash.” she offered courteously.
“Ya know, you're a girl too, Apple Jack...” Rainbow Dash said as she raised an eyebrow.
“After I'm finished, I reckon that term might not apply to me! A~hyuck!” Apple Jack laughed.
“Yeah, yeah, brag now...but I accept your invitation to start things off! Ugh, my stomach... Let's get this train rolling!” With that said, Rainbow Dash turned toward poor Twilight, twirled herself around 180 degrees so that her backside was facing Twilight's face, whipped her gleaming six-colored tail up over her flank, and then proceeded to lower her rump onto Twilight's muzzle. Even though it was a soft landing, there was still an audible thud on impact. Dash rocked herself back and forth slightly until she lined her tail hole up with Twilight's nostrils, which didn't take very long since Twilight has a big horse face. A muffled “Mmmmmffppphh!!!” was all that could be heard of Twilight from underneath the posterior of the Pegasus pony.
Arching her back, spreading her wings outward, shutting her eyes tightly, and letting out a grunt, Rainbow Dash finally answered Twilight's question in the best way she knew how ¨C “BBBbbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrEEErrraaa-aAAaa-aaaa-aaaa-APPPPppppppppppppppp-ppp-pp” which was by releasing a powerful, terribly odorous fart into the Unicorn's face! “Aww yeeaahhh!” she exclaimed as she rested a moment to let the scent wash over Twilight's face. More muffled speech came out of Twilight as she gasped for air. “Looks like she's still with us. Your turn!” she snorted as she switch places with her rival.
“In case you're curious, that 'head start' Rainbow was chattin' about before was a lil' somethin' I cooked up earlier today. I traded a whole batch of my freshly bucked, juicy, red apples over to another farmer for not one, but two bushels of baked beans! And Mmmmhmmm...they were mighty tasty! Ate every last morsel! I'm sure you already know what that means so I'll spare you the details and just let you get a nice whiff of the after effects!”
“Since I was out plowing the field today, I worked up a healthy sweat. Hope ya don't mind, Twi!” Apple Jack said seconds before she flashed a smile towards the non-compliant judge and took her seat. “Pfft...pop...pfffftt...brrppp” was all that came out causing Dash to fall to the floor in laughter “BAH-hahaha! Is that all you got?” What started off as a few sputtering pops of gas roared into squelching hiss and a full onslaught of wind! “Fffffsssssssssssssssss...fshh...bbbbbrrrrrrrooooouuuPPppppppppppppppppppppppp” erupted from AJ as she bit her bottom lip in total concentration! Those produced by Apple Jack were way wetter than Dash's, much to Twilight's dismay. “How you like dem apples, Rainbow?” she asked as she tipped her hat. She lifted herself, with a bit of a moist slosh sound, off of the judge.
Round one was over and the purple Unicorn was still awake so nopony could be declared the winner just yet. Warming up for round two, Dash burst out in wit with the line “Needs to be about 20% stinkier.”
This time, Twilight Sparkle didn't let Dash ease onto her and squirmed her head around, but that didn't stop the relentless Pegasus as a wicked smirk appeared across her face. Holding the back of Twilight's head, Rainbow Dash shoved and ultimately wedged her nose deep between her butt cheeks and held her in place. “Here...smell this one!” and with that came a loud "PPPPRRRRRRRRRooooMMMMPPPPPPPP" reminiscent of a tuba, followed by a long “PHhhhRrrIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPP” echoing from under her ass, propelling her upwards for a split second. “C'mon! How are you still up!?”
Mustering up some strength, Twilight cast a weak object levitation spell on the ball gag that was preventing her from speaking. With one, long, deep-breath, she shouted “First of all, you ponies are craaaaazy! This is disgusting! Second, I demand to be set free¨Cmmpphh!” but was quickly cut off. “Uhn uhn uh...we need a judge...” she said as she rolled the gag back into Twilight's mouth “and you really do not want this to become a tasting contest! As the element of honesty, trust me on this one!” Twilight didn't have much else to do but lie back and comply.
“Hey, remember that winter when you walked right into the wrong end of that skunk den? Well shucks, sugar cube, you're only going to wish you smelled that good after what I'm about to unleash...” the Earth pony said as she swished her tail and raised up her left ass cheek on Twilight's face.
“FFFffffffffrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappPppttptptptPTptptPTpbbbbrRRrrrrappafffffffssssSSSsssss”
“Whoa Nelly!”
Without much notice, another pony gracefully made her way into the barn. “I thought I heard some commotion coming from in here. Apple Jack, I stopped by to bring you those spurred boots you asked me to design for you¨C“ the white unicorn, Rarity, started to say before she trailed off, stopped mid-sentence, as she glanced at the sight before her¡ªher jaw slightly ajar. Realizing that she was now awkwardly staring, she pondered as to what was taking place in the barn. “Twilight, I really like your...shackles...?” is all she managed to say as her brain ran through all of the possible scenarios in which this was correct in any context. “Thanks for bringing ma boots! See ya'll later!” Apple Jack quickly said as she attempted pushing Rarity out in a friendly manner.
A gleeful smile adorning her face, Rainbow Dash enthusiastically interrupted and spouted out “We're having a farting competition! Twilight's our judge! Isn't it awesome?”
“Oh my!” a wide-eyed Rarity began to reply “We ladies do not fart, we politely poot for we are civilized and have manners!” She closed her eyes, revealing luscious blue mascara and eye shadow, lifted her chin up in an exquisite demeanor, and elegantly trotted over to Twilight Sparkle. “Must I teach you two everything...?” she asked as she lowered her arse onto the other Unicorn's face. “You have...” she adjusted herself in a clockwise motion, “...to find...” then counter clockwise, “...the perfect...” with a slight back and forth tush wiggle, “...spot!” as she finally settled into the opportune place. Rainbow Dash and Apple Jack were just as surprised as Twilight at what they were witnessing as not a single one of them made a sound.
For several moments, not a sound could be heard. Suddenly, Twilight began to furiously kick her back legs about. Several more moments of this went on, which seemed like an eternity to the purple unicorn when Rainbow Dash angrily lashed out. “If you're not going to do anything, let us back on!” Just as she was speaking, a nauseating aroma hit her and Apple Jack's nostrils. It was silent, but deadly! It was foul enough to force the Earth pony to cover her muzzle with her hat and the Pegasus to flutter her wings in attempts to bat against the smell emanating from the dainty Rarity. “You see girls, a lady must be gentle and delicate and release her wind slowly and quietly so that none are the wiser! At a fancy party, you can always blame it on spoiled hors d'œuvres or ripe cheese!” she said with a smug grin as she was still releasing this atomic gas bomb on Twilight's face. From a furious kicking to a slow twitch to eventual motionlessness, Twilight Sparkle passed out from the fumes. Rarity gave a soothing “Ahh~” as she got back on all fours and walked out of the barn as gracefully as she entered. The sulfurous scented cloud lingered in the barn for quite some time even with the doors wide open.
“Twi passed out...” bewildered she asked from behind her hat “...That mean we just lost a farting contest to...Rarity?”
“Well...there's always tomorrow.” Dash said amidst coughing and undoing the unicorn's Shackles. “Sweet Celestia...she reeks! As much as I hate losing, there are certainly worse fates! I'll race ya outta here, cowgirl! I've still got more in me, let's go find Fluttershy. I'm going to get her to pull my hoof!” she exclaimed while raising her back left leg, ripping a short, pungent fart. She followed up by leaping into the air and spreading her wings for flight.
A full gallop away “I'm way ahead of ya, slow poke!”