Chapter 1: Fucking Up the Justice League (And the Women)
Metropolis
“The buildings were shiny and glistened in the sun as the locals were just enjoying the day as they worried about nothing since Superman was their friendly neighborhood overpowered piece of shit who couldn’t be defeated by anyone in the universe. Sure he may get a little bit beaten up but he always gets back up and wins the fight no matter how fucking impossible it looks to the naked eye… well guess what fuckers? PLOT ARMOR HAS NO FUCKING PLACE IN THIS STORY!!!” Shouted Kobo.
He turned around and socked an incoming Superman straight in the jaw which sent him flying backward through three buildings as the Czarian smoked a cigar and sniffed the fumes and grinned. Swagging a height of 6’6 and packed a solid eight pack which was revealed by his sleeveless biker’s jacket, he was Kobo, The Son of Lobo.
Walking out into the middle of the street he was in, Kobo smirked at Superman’s rising form as he came out of the hole in the building with his eyes glowing red with anger. Reaching into his back pocket, Kobo put on a pair Brass Knuckles which were imbued with Supermanium, a strong metal said to be as indestructible as Superman himself.
“Surrender now Kobo, don’t make this any harder than it has to be.” Superman said with his red eyes glowing more intensely to emphasize his point. Kobo just clenched his cigar in his mouth as his he rolled his shoulders and popped the tension out as he just chuckled.
“Lois Lane said the same thing to my dick before I got harder and she relieved it for me.” Kobo remarked before gesturing to bring it on. Superman yelled in anger before zipping towards Kobo and fired his heat vision which Kobo sidestepped and sucker punched the Kryptonian in the face, grabbing his leg and then throwing him away as the blue fucker crumpled a car from the sheer force of the throw.
“Maybe I should give her call and let her review my performance, I heard it was Oscar Winning just like all the other girls said!” Kobo laughed before a Boomtube appeared behind Superman and out stepped the rest of the Justice League who consisted of Batman, Aquaman, The Flash, Cyborg, Hawkman, Green Lantern, Shazam and Martian Manhunter.
“Kobo!!! You will pay for what you have done!!!” Aquaman shouted as his trident glowed a golden hue and Batman stepped forward, “This ends here, Kobo.” He readied a batarang as the rest of the league prepared to engage the Czarian.
“Funny how Selina thought I would end but I had a couple more rounds in me.” Kobo laughed out as the Justice League charged forward and Kobo rushed forward with his fist raised back to deliver a punch.
“You are probably wondering what the hell did I do to piss off the entire men’s side of Justice League? Well let me fill you in on what exactly went down over the past six months, I came to Earth six months ago and met the Justice League. They offered me a place among their team but I told them to go fuck each other which led to me being a lone wolf and that was when the ladies came running at me. If you’re expecting a lemon then go watch Pornhub because that’s coming later…………..gah fuck it, its America, anyway, I am about 19 years old in human years but in Czarian years that is 1900 years so I took awhile to get in my groove. When I went down to Earth, I needed guidance and when the League saw who my father was, they assigned me to Black Canary who was the team’s therapy lady. We bonded and she saw me as a son and I saw her as a mother.
Dinah Lance was her real name and Green Prick had eyes for her but she turned him away and one thing led to another… we fucked and it felt fucking good. Hey man, Alabama all the way but we not related or anything so yeah. After her came Supergirl, Powergirl in a nice threesome, Wonder Woman, Hawkgirl, Starfire, Raven, Mera, Black Canary again and again, Catwoman, Cheetah, Batgirl, Zatanna, Talia Al Ghul, Harley Quinn, Posion Ivy, Lois Lane, Terra, Jessica Cruz and many more women I have gotten to pull off my belt. So yeah, that’s how I pissed off the entire male members of the Justice League… by fucking all the women they had a high school crush on but never grew the balls to ask them out.” said Kobo as the commentator.
“Now back to the good shit!!!”
With Superman as the first to clash with Kobo, the alien rammed the Czarian into the ground before Kobo kicked him into a building. Kobo turned and caught Aquaman’s trident before tossing the Atlantean away and throwing the trident like a javelin which pierced him straight in the thigh as he yelled in pain.
“Take this assclown!!!” yelled Green Lantern as he created a heavy chained mace and swung it straight into Kobo’s side which sent him flying in the air before Superman erupted from the rubble and lasered Kobo into the twelfth floor of an office building as he crashed straight into the office of a fucking hot ass secretary worker who screamed when she saw him crash into her office.
“Damn girl, want a rose?” Kobo pulled a rose from his pocket and gave it to her as she blushed in embarrassment before he gave her a paper slip. “Call me babe!” He said as he jumped back up and slipped his Supermanium Knuckles back on as his eyes glowed red as he smiled at the oncoming heroes Shazam and Superman.
“Time for them to know the Main Man!” He yelled before charging forward and caught Superman’s flying fist and forced him to a dead stop before grabbing his neck and delivered three punches with his Supermanium Knuckles which made Superman’s nose start bleeding before tossing the Kryptonian aside and stared down at a glaring Shazam. “Finally hopped out of the diapers, huh Billy?!” Lobo shouted.
“You slept with my sister Mary!!! Don’t act so cocky like you’re gonna win!!!”
“Right, she was lactose intolerant but she gobbled up all the milk that was on my dick!!!”
Shazam roared as divine lightning flashed around them before he was hooked by Kobo’s chain harpoon and slammed into the floor below as Kobo chuckled before the champion yelled, “SHAZAM!!!” A large and powerful lightning bolt raced towards Kobo and slammed straight into the back of his neck which sent him flying away and slammed into another building as he shook the blow off and looked to see Shazam zoom straight under him and yelled again, “SHAZAM!!!”
Another bolt slammed straight into Kobo which sent him straight down and obliterated the whole right side of the building as he slammed onto the pavement of the road and formed a massive crater. Kobo got back up immediately to see that he was encased in a green cage before breaking it like it was glass and swung his fist behind him as it slammed right into Green Lantern’s face and his body went flying into a car and he was slumped.
“Glowstick down, fucking pussy.” Kobo remarked before hearing a sound behind him and grabbed the person’s throat as it turned out to be Shazam and he yelled, “SHAZAM!!!” A lightning bolt came down but this time Kobo used Shazam as a shield as the bolt struck the champion and transformed him back into the ten year old Billy Batson.
“SHA-OOF!!!” Kobo flicked his finger against the kid’s head as it knocked him out cold before he could say the word as he chuckled and cracked his knuckles. “Martian Manhunter and Hawkman, I hope you two provide me some good entertainment.” He said as he turned around and saw the two of them as Hawkman flew towards him with his spiked mace ready to swing as Kobo dodged the first two swings and blocked a kick before grabbing his big ass falcon wing and threw him at the Martian who just went intangible as his comrade sailed right through him.
“Stop this madness Kobo, you cannot defeat me.” The Martian stated bluntly as Kobo threw a car at him but it sailed through harmlessly as the Czarian just sighed before putting his hands down, “Facts have never more clear.” He said without humor as the Manhunter got a pair of cuffs and made himself tangible as he stood infront of Kobo.
“Good choice on your part.” He said as he cuffed him but Kobo smiled deviously which confused the Martian until he said, “A bad choice on your part.” He clicked a button as the Martian looked down and saw that there was a bomb but it was too late to go intangible as an explosion went off straight infront of the Martian and he screamed in pain as fire overwhelmed him and was knocked unconscious. Kobo broke the cuffs before grabbing a chunk of asphalt and swung to his left as the Flash tried to run up to him and attack but was slammed by the chunk of asphalt and knocked out as his limp body slammed into a traffic pole, bending it.
“Sheesh, without plot armor, y’all fight like pussies.”
He dropped the slab of stone before a rocket hit him square in the face but didn’t faze him as he looked up and saw Cyborg along with Batman. Grinning, Kobo jumped up to punch the shit out of them but then a boomtube was called down on all three of them and suddenly they were in Antarctica but more specifically, The Fortress of Solititude.
Kobo looked around as he laughed when the cold breeze hit him, “Oh what a fucking plot twist, its not like this was in the story’s fucking description!”
Batman stepped forward, “Kobo, enough of this, please.”
“Or what?”
“We make you stop.”
“How? I can kill the entire Justice League if I wanted to but I didn’t because I don’t have to since I can knock all of your asses out easily. What are you gonna do? Wait for Superman? Obviously since we’re in the fucking Arctic so I’ll happily wait for him to come here. I go and make trouble just to fucking get you all to take me seriously which you have not as previous fights say but now….it’s different, you brought the big guns….what’s your plan Batman? Send me to the Phantom Zone? I’ve escaped that place twice. Arkham Asylum? Blowing that place up is fucking easy. So what now Bruce?
“Oh its something you don’t expect.” Cyborg said looking behind him.
“Superman appeared right behind me as I was talking, didn’t he? You know you should have gone for the free hit.” Kobo said turning around and looking at the Kryptonian before noting the strange gun in his hand and it was pointed right at him.
“Say goodbye Kobo.”
He pulled the trigger and a blue ray hit Kobo straight in the chest as he began to dissipate but he didn’t appear fazed as he just looked at Superman with a bored look on his face, “This don’t solve one’s problems you know and oh, thanks for the gifts!!!” He disappeared from the universe of New Earth as Superman looked at where Kobo was at before flying into his Fortress of Solititude and saw all of his weapons and gadgets from his people was missing as his eyes glowed red and he roared out one name.
“KOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!”
Meanwhile
The Everfree Forest was on fire as creatures of darkness and shadows crept from the dark depths and attacked the town of Ponyville. Everypony were running for their lives as the creatures that chased them resembled miniature dragons as they bred purple fire to incinerate all who were in there path. From the forest, a larger more bigger dragon emerged with pure black armoured scales and red glowing eyes as he snorted at the running forms of anthromorphic ponies.
"Such a weak species, how you rose to power? No matter how, it ends today."
He breathed out his set of flames and incinerated a cottage that was near the forest as animals rushed out for their lives as he torched the cottage to ashes. He stomped forward towards Ponyville as he saw six figures rushing towards him and he chuckled darkly as he knows exactly who they are.
"The Elements of Harmony, what a waste."
Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and cracked her knuckles, "You're going down, buster."
"The only thing that's going down is your souls getting dragged to Hell."
He readied another blast but stopped when something slammed into the back of his head and he turned around to see a gray coloured man in a biker outfit lifting a big chunk of rock with one hand.
"Wassup Bitches?!" Kobo yelled.