Chapter 1: Questionably Legal Shipping
“Here it is, darling.” Standing in the design room of her boutique, Rarity held up the vial. It was a small thing, no bigger than her finger. The artistically cut but clear glass revealed a sky blue liquid inside, though there was no label. “Even with my clout, I had to call in quite a few favors,” she informed suggestively. Rarity’s other hand extended, palm up, and fingers wiggled expectantly.
“This had better work,” Rainbow remarked as she pulled out a large sack of bits and handed it over. “That’s almost all my savings.”
Rarity took the bag, weighed it to her satisfaction, and made the trade. “Potions like these don’t come cheap, you know. But honestly, darling. There are better ways of attracting somepony.”
Rainbow held the vial up to her eye as a devilish grin split her face. “Oh, I’m not attracting anypony. You might say I’m detracting, hehe.”
Rarity blinked. “I’m certain that made more sense in your head.”
“Yeah, kinda,” Rainbow admitted, her expression deflating.
“I realize I shouldn’t ask, but I’m afraid that you’ve piqued my curiosity, darling. What do you plan to use this potion for?”
“There’s a couple ponies who’ve been riding my tail for too long. So I figure if I give them some of this, they’ll be too busy with each other’s tails to bother with me.”
“Bothersome ponies, you say?” Rarity quickly ran through the mental list of possible suspects. Rainbow was pretty easy-going about most things and rarely let others get under her fur. However, whoever these ponies were, they had to be positioned in such a way that the speedster couldn’t simply fly away at the first sign of trouble. The Wonderbolts seemed like the most likely culprits, though there was only one that Rainbow truly could not stand. “One wouldn’t happen to be Lightning Dust, would it?”
Rainbow’s sadistic grin said it all, but she still saw fit to elaborate. “I still don’t know how she hasn’t been kicked out yet. Probably sleeping with Spitfire or something. But on top of her reckless behavior in general, for some reason, she’s always gunning for me and trying to rope me into her messes.”
Rarity’s smirk was coy. “Trying to coax you into her mischief? Darling, you don’t think she might be crushing on you, do you?”
“Pfft,” Rainbow scoffed. “As if. No, she’s just a bitch, and not even my type.”
“No. You go for the more strong and earthy sort, I believe,” Rarity teased as she got a little too close to Rainbow, making the speedster look away. “Don’t deny it.”
“Th-that’s not the point. What matters is if I can get her to drink this, she might finally slip once she goes all goo-goo eyes over Zephyr. Then I’ll-”
“Zephyr!? As in Zephyr Breeze, Fluttershy’s brother?” Rarity gasped. “Goodness, darling. That’s”—her grin returned—“quite the scandal.”
“Sh-shush,” Rainbow shushed while covering Rarity’s mouth. “Not so loud!”
“Begging your pardon,” Rarity said while magically removing her friend’s hands. “I apologize for letting myself get carried away. Though I must admit, I’m rather impressed that you’ve cooked up such a devilish scheme.”
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. So we’re good, right? We both got what we wanted, and the deal’s done?”
Rarity affirmed, and the two friends bid farewell. Trading in potions like these wasn’t technically illegal, but it was a lot closer than most ponies cared to get. Rarity could only imagine how desperate Rainbow must have been to resort to such methods. But, honestly, she really was impressed with her friend. It was like something out of a romance novel. While the seamstress hoped for a happy ending, deep down, she secretly wished that things might take a turn for the unexpected and dramatic.
***
“Sup, Dashie,” Lightning greeted casually from the doorway to Rainbow’s house. Even for what was meant to be a friendly lunch with friends, she was noticeably underdressed with her too-small white shirt and tight booty shorts. Leave it to this mare to have to draw attention no matter where she went.
“Hey, Dusty,” Rainbow casually replied. She wore running shorts and a tank top, selections made to prioritize comfort over any kind of fashion statement. That they were functionally flyable would be especially important if things took a turn for the unexpected.
Lightning gave her signature I-know-I’m-better-than-you smirk as she entered Rainbow’s abode and looked around the cloud setting. “So who’s this other guy you’re inviting? Is he cute?”
“Zephyr Breeze. He’s Fluttershy’s younger brother and… sure.” Rainbow lied through her teeth after checking to make sure he wasn’t in earshot. “You might’ve seen him around. He’s been doing a lot of jobs at the academy, getting our manes ready for shows and stuff.”
“Oh, that guy,” Lightning realized, thought it over, and gave a half-hearted shrug. “Yeah, I guess he’s okay. But still, I gotta ask. What’s the occasion?”
“No real occasion,” Rainbow said dismissively. “You two are my f-friends, and I just thought it’d be cool if you got to know each other.” Lightning’s smile made Rainbow want to punch her, but the cyan mare repressed the urge. She had a plan. The doorbell rang. “Speak of the devil.” She turned to greet her other guest. “Hey there, Ze-”
“Well, hellooo, my lovely!” Zephyr exclaimed dramatically, a bouquet of roses in one hand and a box of chocolates in the other. His vest and trousers were black, and his bowtie was a bright red. He’d even shaved off his usual stubble and overall looked downright presentable. Too bad his mouth kept moving. “‘Tis I, your delivery colt for the evening. I believe the madam ordered one night of fine dining, pleasant company, and a stallion who knows what the ladies want.” His eyebrows bounced suggestively. “Passion guaranteed.”
While Rainbow was repressing her gag reflex, Lightning burst out in guffaws.
“Hahaha! Holy shit, RD. Haha. Is your friend, like, an escort or something? Dude, you should’ve told me if it was that kind of party. I’d have worn my—”
“No!” Rainbow needed to put this zombie down before the infection spread further. “No, Zephyr isn’t an escort. He’s just,” she tried not to look too repulsed as she gestured towards him, “like this.”
“My dear Dashy speaks true,” Zephyr affirmed. “I am a humble, but passionate stallion who knows what the ladies like,” he explained while clearly undressing Rainbow with his eyes.
Lightning had to slap a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing more. She couldn’t tell if this guy was just messing with Rainbow or if he was being sincere, but either way was hysterical. “So, how do you two know each other, anyway? RD said you’re her friend’s brother or something.”
“Indeed. Dashy and I go way back, all the way to our formative years. She looked out for my sister in flight camp, and we met soon after. I’ve always had an eye for quality, and I could tell right away that my dearest Dashy was something special. Naturally, the feelings were mutual.”
Between Zephyr’s words and Lightning’s chortles, Rainbow suddenly got the idea to bind her wings and jump out the nearest window.
“An eye for quality, aye?” Lightning asked with a lascivious smirk. She stood to bodily face the pair, spread her legs, put her hands on her hips, and presented herself for inspection. “Well, what do you think of this?”
Zephyr gave the other mare an appraising look. “Well-well-well, I can see I’m not the only one with an eye for quality. Dashy, you should’ve told me you were inviting this mare to our herd.”
“We’re not in a herd!” Dash snapped, her mask of cool slipping. She had to work fast to calm herself. “W-we’re just friends, Zeph. I’ve told you this, like, a million times. I like you, but you’re just not my type.”
“Still playing hard-to-get, I see.” Zephyr rolled his eyes and sighed good-naturedly. He then stage-whispered to Lightning, “She has such trouble admitting her feelings.”
Lightning snickered. “Tell me about it. Ya know, when she thinks no pony’s looking in the showers, I catch her staring at mares all the time.” She turned sideways and gave her rump a wiggle. “Mare’s got a thing for tight plots.”
“Oh, don’t I know it.” Zephyr mirrored Lightning’s turn and rump roll. “You’d think a fellow pegasus wouldn’t underestimate other pegasi’s peripheral vision so much. I’ve caught her checking me out more times than I can count.”
“Okay, that’s enough.” Rainbow moved behind Zephyr, put her hands on his back, and pushed him to the living room, right past the still snickering Lightning. “You two have a seat right here, and I’ll bring some refreshments. Hot coco good?” she asked through gritted teeth.
Zephyr huffed as he was forced to sit. “Oof. Dashy, you know I like it rough, but there are guests over,” he said in that insufferable way of his.
“Oh, I don’t mind watching,” Lightning said as she came up and sat beside him. “I think it’s cute the way you tease each other. Say, you wouldn’t happen to have stories about Dashy from her awkward teen phase, would you?”
“Goodness, where to start!?”
Stick to the plan. Stick to the plan. Rainbow repeated this mantra in her head over and over as she fled to the kitchen. Unfortunately, her walls were not terribly thick, meaning that she could still hear the pair trading embarrassing stories about her. This was a bad idea. It turned her stomach to realize just how much dirt these two collectively had on her. And now that they were pooling their resources… No. She was in too deep already. They would now team up against her no matter what. Her only chance was that this potion worked exactly as she hoped it would.
Rainbow called back to the gossiping pair and asked for their preferences. Both wanted marshmallows. Perfect. She dropped the puff balls into a couple of mugs, followed by equal portions of the potion. Her mug was the only one without marshmallows, or mood-altering magic, but things weren’t set yet. She placed the mugs on a tray and brought them out to the pair.
“—and her bottoms came right off in the middle of the tumble,” Zephyr explained through his tear-filled eyes. “She landed plot-first right onto my mother’s face. The force was so great that they… they…” He wheezed so much that it was hard to breathe.
“G-go on!” Lightning urged, also with tear-stained cheeks.
“They…” Zephyr made a drawn-out inhale. “Had-to-send-them-both-to-surgery-to-get-mother’s-snout-extracted!” he said all in one breath.
The cloud house shook with their deep belly laughs. Upstairs, Tank had torn off segments of wall clouds to shove them in his ears, but he could still feel the vibrations. Any pegasi who happened to be flying nearby also felt the changes in the air currents brought by such an uproar. The contrast of such joy mixed with seething malice created a small pocket of chaotic energy that even got the attention of a certain draconequis.
***
“Something the matter, Discord?” Fluttershy asked as she brought out her friends’ tea. As had become their tradition, the well-endowed mare had taken to wearing an apron that read ‘Kiss the Cook,’ but nothing else.
Facing the direction of Rainbow’s house, Discord grinned and turned back to Fluttershy, although one eye had elongated out and bent back to keep watch. “Oh, nothing major. Just some ponies having a bit of fun.” Then, with his legs hidden under the table, the chaos god snapped his cloven hoof like it was fingers. He was such an incorrigible little scamp.
***
Shaking with rage, Rainbow swallowed her wrath and set the tray down on the coffee table before her angry shakes caused her to spill the drinks. Quickly she turned it so that the marshmallow mugs were closest to her intended victims. “I’m g-glad you two are getting along sooo wellll,” she forced out as she plopped herself on a nearby chair, not noticing that it felt a little weird.
“Man, I can’t believe I didn’t notice you before,” Lightning said, ignoring Rainbow’s remark. “You’re not half bad looking.”
“Well, thank you kindly,” Zephyr acknowledged smugly. “Dear Dashy gave me the impression that tonight might finally be the night where she comes clean about her feelings towards me, so I saw fit to put my best self forward.”
Lightning scoffed. “Sorry, you did all that for nothing. Unless it’s related to sports, I don’t think Rainbow can tell the difference between a bowtie and a jockstrap.”
“Uh, I’m right here,” Rainbow pointed out as the pair laughed.
“Oh, tell it, sister. That mare might have the looks and the moves, but her sense of style leaves much to be desired.”
Rainbow slowly and deliberately turned to face Zephyr, eye twitching. “Wanna say that again, buddy?”
“Oh, hey. When did that get here?” Lightning asked after spotting the coco.
“What the…? I brought it for you. You both heard me!” Rainbow asserted with a snarl.
“Hmm. I guess dear Dashy must’ve brought it while we weren’t looking,” remarked Zephyr. “Funny, that. I knew she had trouble expressing her romantic feelings, but I never took her for the bashful type.”
“Yeah. You can say a lot about Rainbow, and I mean a lot,” Lightning agreed as she grabbed one of the marshmallow mugs, “but bashful really isn’t one of them.”
Rainbow clenched her fists before turning away with a huff. “You know what? Fine. Say whatever you want. I don’t care.” Even as she said this, she watched out of the corner of her eye as Zephyr took the other marshmallow mug.
“Well, I suppose there’s nothing left to do but offer a toast to absent friends.” Zephyr held up his mug. “To Dashy. She’s a wild one, but that just makes her all the more worth chasing.”
“To Dashy,” Lightning agreed. “May she someday pull that stick out of her plot and learn to party.”
Both downed their drinks. Rainbow was on the edge of her seat. She hoped they wouldn’t notice her behavior and get suspicious, but she couldn’t help herself. How long did the potion need to take effect again? She’d forgotten. What exactly were the terms for activation? She was pretty sure that the drinker fell in love with the first pony they saw. They were looking at each other, so… wait. Zephyr was looking at his mug and smacking his lips at the apparent odd taste. Crap! Could the potion make somepony fall in love with a mug? These two hooking up was one thing, but Fluttershy would definitely notice if her brother started serenading a mug. There’d be an investigation, they’d make the connection to her, and getting kicked out of the Wonderbolts would be the least of her worries. Oh-crap-oh-crap-oh-crap! This was such a bad ideaaa!
“Say, did this taste funny to you?” Zephyr asked.
Lightning gasped after downing the whole thing. “Mmmh, good. What’d you say? I missed it.”
Still looking into his mug, Zephyr shrugged and took another sip. “She must’ve used a brand I’m not used to. Probably something cheap.”
Lightning shook her head. “Nah. Damaged products get extra discounted.”
Zephyr chuckled. “Ah. A fair point. You know, I—” Zephyr’s breath caught in his throat when he and Lightning locked eyes for the first time since their toast. The stallion cleared his throat, suddenly seeming less full of himself as the mare shuffled in her seat. “Well, I’ve always considered myself a stallion of discriminating tastes. But after speaking with you, it just now occurred to me that… that I can do better than dear Dashy,” he said sarcastically.
Rainbow flinched. Her pride had just been kicked in the balls.
“Ya know, I think you got a point there, Zeph. I’ve been trying to get that mare’s attention for who knows how long, and I don’t think she even realized I was hitting on her.”
“You what!?” exclaimed Rainbow.
Zephyr smirked. “I don’t suppose you dropped your pants, bent over, and invited her to mount you.” He chuckled at his crude remark, only to spy Lightning’s cheeks turning a shade of red. “Wait, really?”
She nodded. “It was back when we still shared a room. I told her to ‘come and get it’ and everything. She just walked away.”
Zephyr blinked. “Okay. Being thick is one thing, but how can Dashy fly with all that lead in her skull?”
Lightning chuckled and scooted closer to the stallion. “I don’t know. Aside from being cute and the star power, I’m not sure what attracted me to her in the first place.”
Rainbow had been figuratively flipped on her back while Lightning took the proverbial iron boot to her pride’s balls. Lightning liked me all this time? Rarity was right? How did I not notice?
“You know, if you did that for me, I’d probably take the hint.” Zephyr scooted closer to Lightning and set his hand atop hers.
“Oh? You wouldn’t just brush it off as me playing some kind of game?” Lightning closed the gap between their faces and inhaled through her nose. She could smell his aftershave and found that she liked it.
Zephyr laughed. “Even if I did, I’d be crazy to pass up the chance to be with a mare as gorgeous as you.” His voice raised in pitch towards the end, and he tried to turn away out of embarrassment. He didn’t make it far before a hand cupped his cheek and forced him to look back at her.
“So you’d take me, then?” Lightning asked in a husky purr. “If you saw me bent over and asking to be mounted, you’d take me?”
Zephyr swallowed. “I-I’d want to.”
Lightning smirked. “Care to put your money where your mou-ff!” Her words were cut short when a pair of lips encompassed hers. Zephyr’s kiss was forceful as he took up most of her vision. His lips were chaffed, and his technique left a lot to be desired, but there was undeniable passion behind his actions. After recovering from the initial shock, Lightning pushed back. She prodded his lips with her tongue, requesting an invite. He complied and let her take the lead.
“Ewww!” cried Rainbow in disgust, but could not tear her eyes away. “Guys, I’m right here!”
When the pair finally pulled apart, Lightning’s eyes were half-lidded as she took in the uncertainty in Zephyr’s expression. “That was your first kiss, wasn’t it?”
He nodded silently, though his eyes betrayed his longing for more.
“We’ll see if you can’t do better the second time around.” Lightning gave no other warning before she pushed Zephyr back on the couch and clambered atop him. She set her knees to either side of his body while her plot hovered dangerously close to his pelvis. Then, with a coy smirk, she told him, “I think you might be overdressed.”
“I-I’m inclined to agree,” Zephyr affirmed as his shaking fingers attempted to undo the buttons of his vest.
Lightning Dust was many things, but patient was not one of them. The mare knocked Zephyr’s hands aside and tore his vest open, sending orphaned buttons flying. He was about to protest the damage to his clothes when a finger to his lips silenced him. Lightning’s smile promised all manner of fun happenings if he complied, which was enough to calm him down. With her boy-toy quieted, Lightning ran her hands tenderly along his teal chest. He wasn’t terribly muscular, but at least he lacked a potbelly. She could work with this. The mare arched her back to rub her cheek against his right breast. His fluff was soft, but his moans were like honey to her ears. “Hehe. You’re fun to play with.”
Emboldened by her forwardness, Zephyr attempted something similar. His hands came down on the mare’s plot with a light smack. Her booty shorts suddenly seemed a lot tighter as his fingers began kneading her taut cheeks through the thin fabric. Zephyr looked up to check Lightning’s reaction, briefly fearful that he’d crossed a line.
“That all you got, lover boy?” Lightning growled in challenge before diving to seize another kiss. Their lips passionately smacked together as she felt the fingers grow impassioned in their fondling. Her ass cheeks were pushed around, squeezed, pinched, and then a few extra bold fingers ventured into her crack. She stiffened when one grazed her anus through the fabric, and playfully bit Zephyr’s lip in retaliation. “Not bad.”
“I’m really liking this body you’ve got, Dusty,” Zephyr informed, trying to resurrect his illusion of suaveness. “Definitely feels like this mare knows how to take care of herself.”
“You’re surprised? A mare’s body is like a temple. What kind of dumbass would disrespect such a gift by lazily napping and scarfing down junk food all day?”
Rainbow had just stood from the chair to deliver her final rebuke, but this latest blow to her pride knocked her flat on her ass. “Ow, guys. Ow.”
“Your body is my a temple, Dusty,” Zephyr groaned. Lightning had started sitting on him and grinding against his growing erection. “M-may I worship it?”
Rainbow didn’t know whether to gag at the corniness, or swoon at the intended romance.
Lightning chuckled, sat up, and lifted her shirt. Her boobs were a little above B-cups and fairly average by pegasus standards. The bra was lacey black and practically see-through. She fluttered her eyelids in invitation while grinding her hips against the stallion’s impressive length.
Zephyr wordlessly followed Lightning’s lead. One hand grabbed a breast and sunk its fingers in deep. His other hand lingered on her ass, loving the way she squirmed, especially each time he teased her ass hole. Lastly, he pressed his snoot between both breasts while applying his tongue to the one that wasn’t being groped. Her chest fur was thin and felt splendid against his tongue. Lightning’s squirms and moans intensified under the stallion’s experimental touch.
“Y-you practice with a pillow or something? Cuz you’re gooood,” Lightning moaned. Her hands grabbed Zephyr’s back to hold him in place while he attacked her weak spots. When he stopped, she hurriedly amended her words. “Ya know what? I don’t care. Just keep doing… that!”
Relieved not to admit his shameful secret, Zephyr picked up the pace. Both hands slipped under the mare’s clothes to attack her flesh more directly. Her heightened pitch told him that this was good as his mouth fumbled to remove the other half of her bra.
Flustered and frustrated, Lightning unlatched her bra and tossed it to the side, hitting Rainbow right in the face.
“Okay, that’s it!” Rainbow stood, bra still in hand. “You two can get the buck out of my house!” She pointed at the door and stomped her hoof like a foal throwing a tantrum, but the pair just kept at it. “Did you hear me? I said to get out!”
“Damn, colt! Just how big are you?” Lightning chuckled after twisting her hips on Zephyr’s pelvis.
“Hopefully big enough to please a smokin’ babe like you—ou!” Zephyr’s smart remark was cut short by Lightning sticking her hand down his pants, grabbing his length, and fishing it out for all to see. Zephyr winced in preparation for mockery.
Lightning blinked in awe as a bit of drool dripped from her lips. She wiped her mouth clean with a wet slurp. “H-How the buck were you hiding this in your pants!?
“Uh…”
Rainbow was equally speechless. This wasn’t the first time she’d seen his penis. However, the last she’d gotten a good look was when they were all still young enough to bathe together. There’d been the occasional glance when she’d stumbled on him changing in their awkward teens, but nothing had given her any indication that this pompous prick would grow into a pussy pulverizer! What was even happening right now?
Lightning, undaunted by philosophical ponderings, let a lascivious grin split her lips. Her cheeks flushed pink as she tenderly trailed her fingers up and down the tower of meat. “You’re not secretly part earth pony, are you?” she asked breathily, not really caring what the answer was.
Rainbow swallowed, having wondered the same thing about Fluttershy’s full figure from time to time.
“Not sure.” Emboldened by what he’d taken as a compliment, Zephyr decided to press his perceived advantage. “Don’t know. Wanna see if I’ve got their endurance?”
“Get out of my head!” Lightning slid down on Zephyr’s knees, braced her hands on his waist, licked her lips, and dropped her mouth down.
“Aw, screw it!” Rainbow cried out in exacerbation. She averted her eyes, but it wasn’t enough. Her hands were over her ears to block out the wet slurps and lewd moans of her guests. She briefly considered just telling them that they were under the effects of a potion in the hopes that they’d become lucid enough to get the buck out of her house. However, if the roles were reversed, Rainbow imagined herself lingering just to spite whoever had tricked her, which was probably what these two were doing, anyway. And since she lacked the mental fortitude to stick her hands in that mess to break them up by force, the only option was to tuck her tail between her legs and flee out the door. “Gah!”
“Hey, watch it!”
Rainbow jumped back and assumed a fighting pose. “Stay back you… Soarin?” She looked the stallion over. He was dressed smartly in a fancy blue tuxedo that complimented his dark gray mane, which was charmingly unkempt. In his hand was a bouquet of dandelions before their bulbs had flowered. “Wh-what are you doing here?”
Soarin looked at her like she’d grown a second head. “I… came to pick you up? It’s 11:30.”
“Already?” Rainbow snapped her wrist up to check her watch. “That’s weird. Where’d all the time go? I was certain I set that up sooner,” she trailed off in a mumble. Where had the time gone?
Soarin’s ears perked at the sounds of moaning from just behind the door and looked down at a now embarrassed Rainbow. “Uh, if this is a bad time, I could—” Whatever he’d intended to say was cut short when a slim blue hand grabbed his vest collar and pulled him down to the mare’s level.
“Not on your life, buddy.” Rainbow’s growl was almost a purr. “We agreed on 11:30, and Rainbow Dash is not a mare who leaves ponies hangin’.” Only now that she was out of the house had she become aware of the full extent that her guest’s pheromones had on her. Had she caught a case of second-hand love potion just from being in proximity to her guests? Of course, being this close to Soarin didn’t help matters. “You didn’t shower, did you?”
The simplest response would have just been to say no. Soarin was the kind of stallion who needed to be brow-beaten into bathing, thinking that his natural musk was a babe magnet. Rainbow had proved him right. As such, he felt confident enough to smirk and say to her, “Don’t know. Wanna check?”
Rainbow’s simplistic and instinctive response was to close the remaining distance between the two and smash their faces together. His stink was exhilarating, and his lips tasted almost as good. However, before either of them could get any further into it, she pushed him away, and breathily said, “Your place!”
Picking Rainbow up bridal style, Soarin zipped across the skies and through the clouds to his humble abode. All pegasi were trained from a young age to breathe easily in high altitudes, but Rainbow was putting that training to the test as she refused to release his lips. Not even repeated collisions with pillowy clouds were enough to dissuade the blue mare’s activated libido.