Spike is changing, and I don't know what to do. I want to help him, but I don't exactly know what's wrong... and what's more, I think I might be the one that needs help soon...
I'd do just about anything to help my faithful assistant and dearest friend with his problems, but this time I may be out of my depth. Something's wrong with Spike... very wrong, and I'm not sure I can fix it on my own. I don't know what's going on, but I'm worried about him. Some of the things he's been saying lately... they scare me.
I'm afraid for him... and I think I might be afraid of him.
"...I've been having some really weird dreams lately."
I set the large mug of coffee I'd been nursing for the last five minutes down on the dining room table and look down at Spike, my brows furrowed in concern and curiosity. I see him fidgeting under my bemused gaze, not looking me in the eye, and that makes me worry all the more. Somehow I can tell this isn't going to be a good start to the day ahead, and something in the back of my mind tells me things may only get worse.
Ignoring that little niggling voice in my head, I address the uneasy drake, my face serious but my tone light and encouraging.
"Oh? What kind of dreams?" I ask, "are they keeping you up at night?"
"No, it's nothing like that," Spike replies, shaking his head. He makes odd gestures with his claws as he speaks, as though he's trying to grasp something intangible, "it's just... it... it's hard to explain. They haven't been keeping me up, but..."
He trails off and lets out a small groan of irritation, or perhaps embarrassment judging by the slight blush in his scaly cheeks.
"But what?" I press, my worried frown fading ever so slightly at the sight. I shift in my chair, turning to fully face the baby dragon, "what is it, Spike? If it's something you'd rather anypony else not know, then—"
"Nonono, that's not it either," Spike interjects. He raises his claws to his temples, rubbing them softly for a moment before letting out a resigned sigh, "it's just... the dreams seem so... eerie when I'm having them, but when I think about actually telling you about them, it just seems silly."
"Well, why don't I be the judge of that?" I reply, my frown now fully replaced with a reassuring smile, "what's on your mind, Spike?"
He looks at me for a long moment, as if trying to decide whether or not I'm serious. The moment passes and he lets out another sigh and shrugs before walking over to the opposite side of the table where the other seat is. I watch him patiently as he scrambles up onto the chair, taking the opportunity to sip more of my rapidly cooling coffee. I frown at the pitch-black liquid sloshing around in the mug for a second or two, then my horn lights up with a simple thermal-based spell and I smile in satisfaction as I see steam rise from the mug once again. It's as I decide to take another sip that Spike speaks again, and what he says throws me off enough to make me stop mid-sip.
"A cat," he states simply.
I blink at him in response and gently set the mug back down.
"A... cat?" I repeat, incredibly unsure of where this is going.
"A cat," he confirms with a solemn nod, "every single night for the past week or so, I've had this dream where I'm standing inside the doorway of the Golden Oak Library. When I look behind me, there's no door, just complete darkness... and absolute silence."
He shivers at the memory and I feel my heart skip a beat for some reason.
"I call your name," he continues in a somewhat subdued voice, "I start searching for you, but I can't find you anywhere. I can't find anypony, the library is just... empty and quiet," his frown deepens and his gaze lowers to the table in front of him, "then I go upstairs... and that's where I see it."
"The cat?" I surmise, my voice lowering to match Spike's.
He nods once and his face suddenly scrunches up in thought. I would've found it adorable had I not suddenly found myself feeling as uneasy as the little dragon looked when he first approached me.
"He's... it's lying in my bed, watching me as I come into the bedroom," he says, giving another little shudder, "...like it's been waiting for me to show up."
"What does it look like?" I ask, uncertain of whether or not I really want to know, "can you remember?"
"That's just it," he replies with a shake of his head, "the cat itself, that's what's hard to explain. It's like... I know it's a cat, but that's all I know. Nothing else about it makes any sense."
"How do you mean?" I push, still uneasy, but terribly curious, "what about it doesn't make sense?"
"I don't know! Everything!" Spike cries throwing his arms up in exasperation, "I look at it, and my brain says 'that's a cat', but my eyes... my eyes have no clue! It's freaky, Twilight!"
"Alright, I understand, Spike," I say, raising my hooves in placation, "I won't ask you to try and explain the unexplainable."
"No, I'm sorry, Twi," Spike replies with another weary sigh, "this whole thing's got me messed up and I just wanna know what it all means."
"It's okay, Spike," I assure him with another reassuring smile, "maybe we can figure it out together. If not, we can always ask Luna to look into the matter, so there's no need to worry so much, okay?" My words seem to mollify the baby dragon for the most part and I motion for him to continue, "now what happens next?"
"Well... once I'm in the room, it starts talking to me," he pauses and fidgets a bit in his seat. His face scrunches up again and he slowly resumes his explanation a few seconds later, "the things it says... when I first started having these dreams I couldn't understand it at all. It just made... sounds," he looks up at me—he looks past me as he tries to remember, his eyes going slightly cloudy in the process,"they weren't normal cat sounds either. It was like... a bunch of different feral creatures growling and screeching and screaming in my head all at once."
"That... doesn't sound pleasant," I reply, trying and failing to imagine the sound.
I start to realize the more I hear about this 'cat', the less I want to know. I've heard of recurring nightmares, and have even had a few in the past, but this? This doesn't sound normal; It doesn't feel normal. Nevertheless, and despite my own growing apprehension, Spike continues, trying to suppress yet another shudder as he speaks.
"It definitely wasn't pleasant, and it still isn't really," he says. Then his expression becomes uncomfortable and he begins to fidget once again, "it actually did scare me enough to wake me up when I first heard it, but... I think I'm beginning to understand it—at least a little bit. That's kinda why I decided to tell you about it now."
I suddenly have an almost overwhelming urge to end the conversation here and now. I don't want to hear anymore, and that itself worries and confuses me. Thinking on what I've heard so far, the dream certainly sounds unsettling, but it shouldn't have been any scarier than a mild nightmare. Despite this, that same niggling voice from earlier is telling me that this isn't something I want to concern myself with.
I'm hit with a sharp pang of guilt at the thought and forcefully try to shove that strange urge down. It doesn't matter how I feel about what's being said, Spike is troubled and I chose to hear him out at the very least. At this point, I'm not sure what I can do other than speak to Luna or refer to a few books I have on the subject of dreams and the possible symbolism therein, but I swallow my unease and press on, asking questions I really don't want to ask.
"It spoke to you again last night," I surmise, "and I'm guessing you understood what it said?"
Another silent nod from Spike.
"And..." I swallow, suddenly finding my throat dry, "and what did it say?"
Spike looks at me then—really looks at me, and there's something in his eyes that I don't like. There's something in those draconic jade irises that I want to hide from. There's something almost accusatory in his gaze, and seeing this, my worry and confusion only grow. Another moment passes and he looks back down at the table and rubs an arm nervously as he answers, his words more hesitant than before.
"It was sort of hard to make out, but the cat... it told me that you were hiding something from me," he looks back up at me with a small frown, "from all of us... from everypony."
I can see it in the slight furrowing of his brow, the way the corners of his mouth turn down just a bit. Naturally, I tell Spike that I'm not hiding anything—not that I can think of at any rate. He watches me intently, searching my face and evidently not liking what he sees. In a way I can't blame him; his accusation catches me completely off guard and for a long moment I'm speechless. I have no deep secrets I've kept from Spike or anypony else, but the look on my face probably conveys otherwise.
Judging by Spike's expression, he's no doubt mistaken my bewildered look for guilty surprise—shock that I'd been found out. This is far from the truth, and I try to assuage his suspicions, but he waves my words away with a dismissive claw. He tells me not to worry about it, that it really was just a stupid dream and that he's probably just paranoid. He even apologizes for bringing it up in the first place so early in the morning. He pushes himself away from the table and hops off his seat, intending to get breakfast started, but I remain where I am, troubled, confused and admittedly a bit hurt.
I know he still doesn't believe me, just like I know that his dream is more than he's making it out to be. What I don't understand is why he seemingly chooses to trust some creepy dream creature over me. I haven't always been completely truthful with Spike in the past, but few and very far between are the times that I've actually lied to him; even then, they've never been anything more than white lies. The only times I've really kept any big secrets from him are when birthday and Hearth's Warming presents are involved. I trust Spike and I know he trusts me, so why the sudden distrust? Why listen to this 'cat' when he has no idea of what it really is or of its intentions—if it indeed is an actual sapient creature that's somehow managed to invade his dreams and isn't just a figment of his imagination.
No, something is very wrong with this picture, and I aim to find out what it is. I ask Spike if he wants me to talk to Luna about the dream, but again, he tells me not to worry about it. He tells me once more that it's just a really weird dream and that he'll stop having it eventually. It's clear that he doesn't even believe what he's saying, but I still find myself struck by how guarded he's suddenly become. Still, I try to ignore the hurt and focus on helping Spike with his problem, whatever it may be. I leave the matter be for the moment as I join Spike in making breakfast, but his accusation continues to sit like a heavy stone in the back of my mind. The rest of the morning goes by without any more problems, but I silently dwell on Spike's words for the rest of the day and well into the following night.
As I lay awake, gazing up at Luna's moon through the closed window above my bed, I wrack my brain in an attempt to remember whether or not I'd hidden anything from anypony lately. A few minutes turn to half an hour, then a full hour, and in the end, nothing comes to mind. It takes another few moments to pull my thoughts away from the subject, but eventually I decide to get some sleep. I shift around slightly in an effort to get more comfortable, but something catches my eye and makes my heart leap into my throat.
In my peripheral vision, I notice twin flashes of jade shining in the dark. I quickly turn to face the source of the light—my eyes wide and a sharp, startled gasp escaping my lips, but I'm only met with the gently snoring form of Spike, deeply asleep in his small bed just across the room. I watch him for a short while as I wait for my heartbeat to slow back down to a normal pace. His eyes are closed, his breathing is slow and even, and his features are slack and peaceful. After a time, I manage to convince myself that Spike is fast asleep and take a moment to wonder if he's having the same dream again tonight. Given how serene he looks, I'm not sure, but I give the matter no more thought and finally turn away.
As I close my own eyes and pull my blanket closer around me, I try to ignore the sudden and unsettling sensation of another set of eyes bearing down on me from behind.
A few days pass by and things settle back into a normal rhythm for the most part, but there are times when I catch Spike acting oddly. The day after we'd talked, I had asked Spike if he was still having that dream, and though he'd told with as much enthusiasm as he could muster that he hadn't, I knew better. Still, I chose to give him the benefit of the doubt and didn't pursue the issue. We didn't talk about the dream anymore after that, but I did keep an eye on him from that point on. Now, after having observed him for the last few days, I start to see changes in the drakeling—minor changes all things considered, but concerning all the same.
He gives me strange looks when he thinks I'm not looking, and there are times where I find him mumbling to himself whenever he thinks he's alone. What I find strange is that I can never quite understand what he's saying no matter how hard I listen, and he always seems to stop just as I get within earshot, even when I know he can't see me. I've heard him talk to himself in the past, but he's never been this secretive about what he says. Other than that, I haven't seen him do anything else out of the ordinary, but what I do see and hear is enough to cause me some apprehension.
A part of me believes I'm overthinking things—reacting poorly to something that may end up being nothing at all. There are countless reasons why Spike might be acting the way he is, but I don't know what they could possibly be, nor do I ask my assistant directly. I want to trust that he'll tell me what's wrong, but I know he won't. Though he tries to hide it, I can still see the wariness and suspicion whenever our eyes meet, and before I know it—and as much as I want to deny it—I've grown just as wary and suspicious of my faithful assistant as he has of me.
Another week or so goes by and the tension between Spike and I grow. Conversation between the two of us has become awkward, curt and stilted. He still remains my faithful assistant, helping me when I need him, but it's clear things aren't how they were before our talk. I can feel that tension in the air, but try to block it out and focus on my research into Spike's recurring dreams. I don't have many books on the subject in the library, but I pull all the knowledge I can from the resources I do have available to me and find several different interpretations of what may be wrong with Spike. The interpretations range from the baby dragon being uncertain about his future to repressed emotions or feelings of loneliness, and many different issues in between.
The more I read, the more I'm convinced that none of these interpretations fit the scenario. I cast aside the books regarding dream symbolism and turn instead to a book on demons and other magic-based creatures. One of my guesses is that this 'cat' might be some kind of malevolent being that somehow invaded Spike's subconscious, and is trying to turn him against me for some unknown purpose. If that is the case, then I'd have to get Luna involved, as I had no way of fighting against something like that. I planned to seek Princess Luna's aid regardless of what I found out, but I wanted to have a firmer grasp on the situation before I spoke with her so she'd have more to work with than a vague description and some suspicions.
Unfortunately, while there are some monsters and demons that have the ability to enter and even devour dreams, I find nothing matching the specific entity that Spike described. I entertain the idea of a shapeshifter, but nothing I read indicates any kind of shapeshifting creature that can also enter dreams. I don't rule out that they exist, as I only have the one book in my library to refer to and I'm certain it doesn't contain everything I need to know. Unsatisfied with the results, I give up on my search and resign myself to asking Luna for help with barely anything to go on. I'm hoping her experience will be enough to compensate for my lack of knowledge, and that she'll be able to do something for Spike.
I don't like the tension, I don't like the rift that's slowly forming between Spike and I. I want it to stop; I want things to go back to how they were before Spike told me about his recurring dreams and I pray that Luna can help me make that happen. I try my best to keep it from Spike, but the stress and anxiety is beginning to get to me. It's late at night, almost morning by my guess, and even now as I rise from the small desk in my room and snuff out the candle I'd been using to read by, I can still feel the weight of those eyes on my back.
My ears twitch as I listen to the sound of Spike's slow and steady breathing, and I try to find solace in that, but I can no longer ignore that hideous unseen gaze. It seeps into every pore and makes my skin crawl.
I get very little sleep that night, just like the last few nights before.
I frown at Rarity's dismissive response, not at all happy with the way she's treating the situation. After some deliberation, I'd decided to talk to a couple of my friends about what's been going on between Spike and I. I wanted to get some additional input before I sent a letter to Luna about Spike's dreams, and was hoping they could give some insight into any other options or solutions I'd missed. Given who the subject of the issue was, the first pony I came to was Rarity. She may not care for Spike in the same way he does for her, but she's almost as fond of the little drake as I am.
With that in mind, I left Spike back at the library and made my way over to Carousel Boutique to talk with Rarity. Despite how busy she was, the mare was more than willing to listen to what I had to say and I certainly had plenty to say. Her reply, unfortunately, left a lot to be desired.
"While this recurring dream does sound rather strange, I don't believe it's cause for any concern," Rarity says, ignorant of my growing irritation as she continues to carefully push whatever fabric she's working on through her sewing machine, "all that brooding, the dirty looks, the secrecy, it's clearly a sign that our favorite little dragon is growing up. I acted much the same way as a filly, and I'm going through something similar with Sweetie Bell right now," she pauses in her work and turns to give me a sympathetic smile, "it'll all pass eventually, Twilight, just like that dream. And like a dream, it'll be as if nothing ever happened between you two."
"I'm not so sure it's that simple, Rarity," I reply with the utmost patience, "it's not just the dirty looks and secrecy I'm worried about. Lately, he's been vanishing off to who-knows-where without warning and when he does, I can't find him anywhere. It's never for more than half an hour or so, but when I ask him where he's been, he just... gives me this blank look and says things like 'I just went out for some air' or 'I took a walk around town for a bit'. Most of the time he doesn't say anything at all. When was the last time you saw him just take a walk around town, Rarity?"
Rarity raises an eyebrow and looks at me over her red-framed glasses.
"Every time you or I ask him to run an errand for us?" she replies slowly, "I'm sorry, Twilight dear, but I'm still not seeing the same problem that you are. Forgive me if I sound rude, but from my perspective, all I can see is a 'mother' trying to deal with her rebellious 'son'."
I stare back at the other mare in disbelief, my mouth flapping uselessly as I struggle to find a response. I actually take a moment to play everything I've told Rarity back in my head and realize she's right. I do sound like a concerned mother, and I can't even deny it. The truth is, in some ways, that's exactly what I feel like. The realization does nothing to deter me from my suspicions, but I make a mental to tweak my explanation so that I'm taken more seriously when I write my letter to Princess Luna. A sigh snaps me out of my thoughts and I focus back on Rarity just in time to see her shut off her machine and fully turn to face me.
"I may not understand your thought process here, Twilight, but I can see that this is important to you," she says with a reassuring grin, "why don't I talk to Spike for you? Perhaps see if I can find the root of the problem. Would that put you at ease?"
It wouldn't.
In fact, I'm afraid of what might happen if she does. Still, I did ask for help, and if anypony else could get through to Spike I would assume it'd be Rarity. Aside from that, and despite what she says, I can see from her earnest expression that she's also worried about Spike and truly does want to help. She's a lot like Fluttershy in that way, but I suppose kindness and generosity tend to go hoof in hoof. I have my misgivings, but it doesn't take me long to agree to let her talk to Spike.
"Very well then, I still have some work left to do here, but I'll stop by the library in say... half an hour?" she asks.
I tell her that's fine and she nods before lighting up her horn and pulling a small purple bit pouch from one of the shelves near the wall of her workroom. I watch in bemusement as she pulls out a few bits and floats them over to me.
"What's this for?" I ask, taking the bits into my own magic and casting a quizzical frown at Rarity.
"It's obvious that this whole affair has taken its toll on you, dear. Baggy eyes, ratty mane, horribly crinkled tail, and your coat is as coarse as badly spun wool," Rarity replies, shaking her head and setting the bit pouch aside. She reactivates her sewing machine and begins her work anew as she speaks, "You look absolutely dreadful, darling. I'll deal with Spike, but I want you to take that and pay a visit to Aloe and Lotus at the spa. Tell them I sent you and they'll take good care of you."
I drop the floating bits into an upturned hoof and frown at them, then look back up to Rarity.
"Rarity, I appreciate the offer, but—"
"No excuses, Twilight Sparkle," Rarity interjects, snapping her machine off and whipping around to face me again. Her tone is hard and her glare harder, "I want you to march right down to that spa and I want you to treat yourself. Stop for nothing and don't you dare come out of that building until your coat, mane and tail are all shining with the radiance of Celestia's brilliant sun, is that understood?"
Caught off guard by her intensity, I flounder for something to say—some kind of objection. I open my mouth to speak, but Rarity's glare sharpens and I shut it again, let out a long resigned sigh, and nod once. I let the irritation drain out of me and give Rarity a grateful, if tired, smile.
"Alright, you win, Rarity," I finally reply, feeling lighter than I have in the past few weeks, "I'll go and pamper myself like a proper mare should. Would that be to your liking, my lady?"
"It very much would, yes," Rarity replies, raising her muzzle and speaking in a snooty tone. We share a small laugh and she gives me another reassuring smile, "in all seriousness, you don't need to worry so much, Twilight. All Spike needs is time and a caring word or two, and things will be right as rain, you'll see."
"I hope you're right, Rarity," I reply quietly, "because I'm not sure what else to do at this point."
I don't tell her about my plan to write to Luna, nor do I tell her about the eyes that watch me or the strange sense of foreboding that seems to have settled over the library lately. Visits to the library are scarce normally, but nowadays, it's like nopony wants anything to do with the place. I can't blame them, and I know Rarity will find out for herself soon enough, so I hold my tongue on that matter, we say our goodbyes and I turn to leave the boutique. Just as I reach the door to her workroom, a sudden thought hits me and I turn back to the hardworking seamstress.
"Hey, Rarity?" I begin tentatively, "can I... ask you something?"
"What is it, dear?" Rarity calls back, keeping her eyes on her work, "is something else the matter?"
"No, it's just..." I pause for a second as I try to find the right words to say, "this is probably going to sound strange, but have I... acted or done anything you thought was suspicious lately?"
The machine dies down yet again and Rarity looks back at me, completely bewildered.
"I'm sorry, but I don't quite follow," she says, "can you give me a bit more detail?"
"It's about what Spike said," I explain, "how he thinks I'm hiding something, not just from him, but everypony. I have no idea what he's talking about, but maybe... I don't know. Maybe I just don't remember."
"Ah, I see," Rarity replies, nodding her understanding. She lifts a hoof to her chin and hums in thought for a few seconds, "well... I can't think of anything right off hoof, but..." she suddenly gives me an oddly sardonic smile, "...you're an incredibly smart mare, Twilight. If somepony like you really wanted to keep secrets, I doubt even Celestia herself would be the wiser."
My first instinct is to deny the claim, but I stop myself and really think about what Rarity says. I am a capable mare, I won't deny that, but am I really capable enough to keep a secret from myself?
"Maybe," I mutter, though I no longer know whether or not I'm talking to Rarity or myself, "I guess... I guess that's something to think about."
Rarity says something else as I trot out of the workroom, but I don't hear her, lost in my own thoughts as I am.
For the first time in what feels like ages, I feel refreshed and ready to take on whatever the world has to throw at me. It took a good three or four hours, but Aloe and Lotus had completely managed to work out the stress I'd been building up for the last several days and now, as I exit the spa, I feel as though I can finally think clearly again. My eyes are bright and clear, my coat, mane, and tail all shine like the sun, exactly as Rarity had intended, and for the first time since this mess had begun, I feel like I'm ready to confront Spike.
Given how much time has passed since I entered the spa, I decide to pay a visit to Rarity's boutique first. I figure she must've finished her talk with Spike by now and some of my anxiety returns as I think about what they might've talked about or what might've happened during the conversation. It's nearly time for Luna to fully raise the moon by the time I leave the spa and I still have that letter to write, so I try to hurry to the boutique. As I cross the small bridge that leads to Carousel Boutique I freeze and my breath catches in my throat. At the same time, my heartbeat quickens and a cold shiver runs down my spine.
I can feel it... that unseen gaze raking its way across my entire body.
I turn this way and that, searching for any sign that somepony is watching me, but I know nopony is there. Most ponies in town have already headed home for the evening and despite Town Hall being just a block away, this part of Ponyville doesn't get much traffic normally. I'm alone with my sudden panic and my newfound confidence and positivity crumble back into fear and uncertainty. Up until now, I'd only ever felt like this at night in my own home. To feel it now, all the way out here...
I push down my hesitation and the fear drives me forward towards the boutique. It doesn't take me long to reach the door of Rarity's abode and I waste no time in knocking on the door. My panic causes me to knock a little too forcefully, but I pay that no mind as I call out Rarity's name. A few seconds of silence pass by and I receive no response. I don't bother to knock again, as I finally remember that this is a public establishment during the day unless Rarity chooses to close early. Pushing open the door, I quickly step inside and immediately begin searching for Rarity. The distant and familiar sound of Rarity's sewing machine reaches my ears and I head in the direction of her workroom.
"Rarity?" I worriedly call out, pushing the door to her workroom open.
Inside I see the mare at her desk, looking exactly the way she had when I'd left the boutique earlier. Her back is turned to me as she continues to silently feed fabric into her machine. She doesn't respond when I call her, nor does she turn when I step inside the room. I open my mouth to call her name again but stop when I see her flinch and raise a hoof to her head. She rubs one of her temples before returning to her work. All this is done in complete silence save for the whir of her sewing machine, and though she seems fine otherwise, my unease only grows.
"Rarity?" I repeat, making my way over to where she sits. When she still doesn't respond, I gently place a hoof on her withers, "hey... Rarity, are you—"
She jerks back in her chair with a startled cry, catching me off guard and causing me to step back with a surprised cry of my own. She snaps her head around to face me, her expression one of wide-eyed shock and... fear?
"Twilight!" she breathes, holding a hoof to her chest, "goodness, you scared the daylights out of me!" she takes a few calming breaths and shuts off her sewing machine before turning back to me with a disapproving frown, "I'm glad to see you, dear, but a little warning certainly wouldn't go amiss I should think."
"Sorry, Rarity," I reply with a slight frown of my own, "I didn't mean to startle you like that, but I did knock, and I called your name... several times."
"Oh," she replies, blinking slowly, "I'm sorry, darling, I—ah!" she winces and presses a hoof to her head again, "...I must've gotten lost in my work again. Tends to happen when I'm 'on a roll' as it were," she lowers her hoof and looks me up and down and a pleased smile breaks out across her face, "I must say, the spa twins do very good work. You look positively gorgeous, Twilight. A far cry from when you first stumbled into my boutique."
"Thanks, Rarity... but never mind me," I reply with a grimace of concern, "are you okay? You seem... out of it."
I decide not to tell her about the presence I felt just yards away from her boutique. I want to see what she has to say about Spike first, and then there's her strange reaction—or lack thereof.
"I do seem to have developed quite the headache since I returned from the library," she answers, still massaging her temples. She glances at the sewing machine with a slight frown, "just working a bit harder than I should, I imagine. Nothing a little rest and relaxation won't fix, darling."
I have my doubts about that, but rather than dwell on her words, I take the opportunity to find out more about what happened with Spike.
"I know this is a busy season for you, but try not to push yourself so much," I say in an admonishing tone that turns anxious with my next words, "but speaking of the library though, how did things go with Spike?"
The moment I mention the baby dragon, something in the air shifts and I feel an invisible yet familiar weight press down on me. The breath is sucked from my lungs and my mouth goes dry, but Rarity doesn't seem to notice. Her eyes light up and a bright smile stretches her muzzle wide.
"Oh, he was just a darling, Twilight!" she gushes, "honestly I'm not sure why you were so worried about him. Sure he was rather surly at first, but just as I told you before, all it took were some caring words and a bit of understanding, and he was back to his old sweet self."
Something isn't right.
Rarity's smile is too wide, her eyes too bright.
She sounds like her normal overly dramatic self, but I can hear something else beneath the surface... something that's not her.
"He feels just terrible about the way he's acted and how he's treated you the last couple of weeks," Rarity continues, unaware of my shallow breaths and slight but uncontrollable shaking, "I recommend you two sit down and have a talk once you get home. I'm sure he wants to apologize for everything that's happened," her smile widens another inch, "at the end of the day he's your faithful assistant, Twilight, and out of all of us girls, he's probably your closest friend. Just talk to him and you'll see that he wants this bit of nastiness between you two to end just as much as you do. Just talk to him, Twilight."
I need to leave.
As I slowly begin to back away from Rarity, her smile drops into a bemused frown. At the same time, that awful weight lifts from my body and I feel as though I can breathe properly again, but my mind is already made up.
I need to leave.
"Twilight?" Rarity asks, rising from her seat, "is something the matter? Twilight?"
I shake my head and continue to back away, not giving her an answer—unable to give her an answer.
"Twilight, dear you look like you've seen a ghost," Rarity says, a hint of nervousness creeping into her voice, "your face is horribly pale and you're shaking like a leaf."
"I... I'm sorry, Rarity. I have to go," I quickly stammer out, "thanks for everything, but..."
"But what?" Rarity presses, taking a step towards me, "Twilight, what's wrong?"
I need to leave.
Rarity calls out my name again, but my horn is already lit and her cry is cut off as I briefly snap out of existence in a bright magenta colored flash of light.
I no longer know what to expect once I arrive at the Golden Oak Library, but after what I witnessed at Carousel Boutique—after what I felt—I realize I have to confront Spike sooner rather than later, no matter how much the idea unnerves me. I know he's still having that recurring dream, and I have no doubt he's been listening to that 'cat', but I don't know to what end. There's still a lot I don't know and I also realize now that Rarity was right. I should've spoken to Spike much earlier, even if it didn't amount to anything significant.
Now for some reason, I feel like it's too late, and that thought is only reinforced when I search the library and find no trace of my faithful assistant. I shout Spike's name but receive only silence in response. The only thing I hear is the creak of the floorboards beneath my hooves and as I make my way up the stairs to my bedroom, the soft fluttering of wings near the window. I look over to see Owlowiscious roosted on the windowsill, his beady black eyes locked onto mine. I look at him and remember that I'd planned to use him to send Luna my letter, but as I stand here alone and out of sorts, I realize the impracticality of the idea—at least as far as things stand now.
I have no idea when Spike will return, so I take the opportunity to write my letter then and there and decide to simply teleport it to the castle. It's a difficult feat, but definitely doable. Though I've thoroughly explored Canterlot Castle many times both as a mare and as a filly, I've never actually seen Luna's bedchambers, so my only choice is to make the letter appear where Princess Celestia can see it and give it to her sister. Thankfully there's still a bit of time left before Celestia lowers the sun and Luna raises the moon, and with all haste, I pull a quill, some ink, and a piece of parchment from my desk. The letter I write is clear, concise, and to-the-point.
In it, I simply state my worry that something malevolent may have burrowed its way into Spike's subconscious and is possibly using his dreams as a medium to hatch some sort of scheme against me and my friends. I give as much detail as I feel is necessary, including the fact that Spike is currently missing, and prepare to send the finished letter off when Owlowiscious alights on the desk in front of me. He tilts his head and looks at me expectantly, but I shake my head and gently push him away, letting him know that this is something I have to do. My horn blazes to life and after a full minute of intense focus, the letter disappears in a flash. The spell leaves me momentarily breathless, but I quickly recover and sink into my chair with a deep sigh.
With that task finally done, all I can do now is wait for Spike to return from wherever he's vanished off to... but a full hour passes by and he doesn't return. I do receive a response from Princess Celestia in the form of another letter, and that does a little to calm my fraying nerves. In her letter, she tells me that she's sorry to hear about me and Spike and that her sister is looking into the matter 'in her own way'. At that last statement, I can only assume she means that Luna is doing some kind of research directly within the dream realm.
My mind isn't put completely at ease by the response, but I feel the tight knot in my stomach loosen slightly. In the interim, as I wait for the results of Luna's investigation and for Spike to return, I spend more time pondering what this supposed secret that I'm hiding could be, but still any possible answers elude me. I try, as I always do lately, to ignore the ominous veil that now covers the entire library, but in the silence and solitude, it presses in on me, stronger than before. Again it becomes harder to breathe, and in my growing fear, I reach out and take Owlowiscious in my hooves, hoping for some kind of comfort as I hold him close. He turns his head fully around to look at me but doesn't protest.
For a time I simply sit there in my chair, holding onto my other, more nocturnal assistant and waiting for what feels like an age.
Luna has long since raised the moon and through the window, I can see its pale glow bright and clear in the night sky. I watch it and wonder what Luna's found in her search, wonder why it's taking so long to respond. I wonder if she's okay or if she's run into some kind of trouble. Time wears on as my thoughts wander, and before I'm even aware of it, both my body and eyelids have grown heavy with the lack of sleep I've suffered over the last few days. For all the discomfort I feel in my own home, I can't stop myself from drifting further and further away from consciousness. Eventually, darkness overtakes my vision as my eyes shut completely and for an instant, I'm gone...
Something whispers my name in the dark.
Its voice is gurgling and wet and carries the slow rattle of somepony on the brink of death.
My eyes snap open and adrenaline floods my veins. Every nerve in my body feels electrified and sudden vertigo turns my stomach. I try to fight down nausea as I scan my surroundings, and it doesn't take long for me to notice that something's changed—namely that I'd fallen out of my chair at some point, and that Owlowiscious is nowhere to be seen. The room also seems darker than it was before, but I'm not sure if that's actually the case or if it's just my imagination. In any case, I quickly scramble back to my hooves and move back towards the desk, bumping into the small wooden chair I'd knocked over in the process.
The contact makes me jump and a distant knock from somewhere below makes me shriek. Already so tightly strung that I feel like I'm about to snap, a loud, sharp popthat comesfrom right behind me pushes me over the edge. Not even bothering to uncover the source of whatever just occurred behind me, I throw open the door to my bedroom and flee down the stairs, right towards the origin of that insistent knocking. I stop myself short as I reach the main room where the front door is, breathing hard and shivering violently. I look from the door to the stairs, my thoughts a jumbled mess and at a loss for what to do.
With my heart pounding against my ribs, I light my horn and prepare to make a desperate escape via a blind teleport. In my panic, I don't have the wherewithal to think of a specific location so that's all I can do. Just as I'm about to cast the spell, I hear an anxious and familiar voice just outside past the door. My eyes widen with recognition and I let the teleportation spell fizzle out without having sent me anywhere.
"Twilight?" says the voice, accompanied by another knock, "Twilight, dear, are you there? It's Rarity."
Rarity.
Relief begins to wash away the fear until I remember what happened earlier today, and with the memory, the relief is replaced with wariness and suspicion—at least until I hear Rarity's next words.
"Twilight, if you can hear me, I've brought the other girls with me," she says, "I hope you don't mind, but after your... departure earlier, I decided it might be best to let the others know the situation at hoof. We're all very worried about you and Spike. Can you please let us in?"
Once again relief begins to creep in, only to be shoved back down by even more suspicion. With the way she'd been acting before, I'm not sure if I can trust what she says, so I say nothing and wait to see what she says next. My brows raise in surprise at the sound of another voice, this one holding an unmistakable rasp.
"Why are we just waiting around out here? It's a library. Let's just go in and find out what's going on."
Rainbow Dash.
Another voice speaks up in response.
"It's only a library durin' the day," comes the familiar and slightly irritated twang of Applejack, "it's private property after hours, just like Rarity's boutique. You know that, Rainbow."
"But what if she's having one of her... y'know..." there's a brief pause before Rainbow speaks again, this time in a stage whisper, "...episodes?"
I frown at that and silently move closer to the door until I'm standing just inches away.
"Um... I think I might've heard some kind of commotion from inside just a bit ago," says Fluttershy in a voice so quiet I almost can't hear, "it sounded like it came from upstairs, but I'm not really sure..."
I listen intently as the girls continue to deliberate on what to do, and the distinct lack of Pinkie's bombastic voice doesn't escape my notice. After a few moments, its decide by majority vote to enter the library regardless of whether or not I answer. In response, I choose to open the door, but only just enough for them to see my face. For some reason, the idea of them all here in the library makes me more uncomfortable than being alone.
Just as Rarity said, they're all there, standing outside my door... except for Pinkie, who I don't see at all. I search each of their surprised faces and a spark of warmth and gratitude flickers in my chest, but my relentless caution and anxiety snuffs that out almost immediately.
"Twilight!" Rarity is the first to exclaim, "we were just about to let ourselves in. Fluttershy thinks you may have gotten yourself into some kind of trouble..." she trails off and studies my features for a second before her expression shifts to a mix of concern and disappointment, "darling, you look just as shaken as the last time I saw you, and your mane! All that work—"
"Forget that," Rainbow cuts in, pushing Rarity aside and getting in my face, "what's all this about you and Spike getting into a fight? What happened?"
"I'm fine," I lie, my words coming out far more curt than I intend, "Spike and I didn't really get into a fight," I think back to that first conversation and wonder just how things had gotten this bad, "to be honest... I'm not really sure what happened..."
When I look at the others I can see a mix of different emotions. I see pity in the eyes of Fluttershy and Rarity, Applejack gives me a sympathetic frown probably thinking back to her own family, and Rainbow Dash just looks confused. I realize in the brief silence that follows my words that they want to get themselves involved, that they want to help, that they want to come inside.
I don't want them inside this library.
"...but everything will be okay once I talk to Spike, I'm sure," I continue before any of the others have a chance to speak. I pause, thinking on my hooves, then, "the only problem is that he disappeared again. I don't know where he is."
I mostly say this to Rarity, but they all react exactly as I expect them to. Surprise, worry, and bewilderment passes between them all, and they talk over one another in an effort to console and question me. Applejack looks less convinced than the others and her slightly narrowed eyes tell me she knows there's something off about my words, but I try to ignore it. It's Rainbow's comment that stands out the most, as it's the one I'm waiting for.
"What the hay are you doing hiding yourself in the library?" she asks accusingly, "shouldn't you be out there somewhere looking for him?"
"I'd like to," I reply without missing a beat, "but I think it's better if I stay here and wait for him. He's been out there longer than normal though, and it might be best if I go after all, but I don't want to miss him if he shows up here," my ears perk up and my eyes widen, as though I've suddenly come up with an idea, "do you think you all can search the area for me? Maybe see if you can find out where he went?"
"Of course we will, darling," Rarity answers immediately, "I can't imagine where he'd want to go at a time like this, but rest assured we'll find him," she turns to the others expectantly, "isn't that right, girls?"
"I hate to think he might be out there somewhere lost and alone," Fluttershy replies, bowing her head and giving me that same pitying look as before, "don't worry, Twilight. Like Rarity said, we'll find out where he went and bring him back safe and sound."
"Thanks, you two," I say with a small smile of gratitude, knowing full well that they probably won't find him, "that means a lot," my smile fades as I remember the absence of one particular pony, "by the way... where's Pinkie? She didn't come with you?"
"Said she had somethin' else ta take care of—somethin' important," Applejack answers, giving me a wary frown, "says she's awful sorry she can't be there for ya right now, but that she'll make it up to ya."
"Oh," I reply, unsure of what to make of that, "a-alright then, I guess," I look between Applejack and Rainbow Dash, both of whom are staring back at me with looks I don't like, "what about you two?"
"I dunno, Twi," Rainbow Dash says slowly, "I guess I can understand waiting for him here, but I don't like it. That said, you don't look too hot yourself..." she falls silent for a moment. Her frown turns thoughtful, then resolute, "alright fine, if you wanna stay here and wait for him, that's all well and good, but there's no way I'm gonna let you wait alone, not when you look like something the cat dragged in."
I wince at her choice of words and grimace at her implied suggestion.
"Rainbow, that's okay," I protest, "I'll be fine on my own."
"Oh no you don't," Rainbow Dash replies, shaking her head, "I know how you get, Twilight. Somepony needs to be there in case you get all—"
"Why don't ya head off with Rarity an' Fluttershy, Rainbow?" Applejack interjects, not taking her eyes off me, "yer the fastest outta all of us, an' ah'm willin' ta bet ya can spot Spike a lot quicker from above," she steps forward and I find myself shrinking back a step inside the library in response, "you'll be a darn sight more helpful than me out there. Ah'll stay an' make sure Twilight doesn't do anythin' crazy."
Rainbow looks like she wants to argue, and for a minute I think she's going to, but then she seems to think about it. Another second passes and she groans irritably before jabbing a hoof in Applejack's direction.
"Alright, fine," she concedes, flying over to where Rarity and Fluttershy are standing. The two share a worried glance, but Rainbow ignores them and continues speaking to me and Applejack, "I'll find Spike and be back before you can blink!"
And with that, she shoots off into the night sky and vanishes in an instant, leaving a chromatic trail in her wake. After a few more assurances and some well-wishing, Rarity and Fluttershy follow soon after, albeit at much slower, but no less urgent pace. That leaves me and Applejack standing alone, me on one side of the doorway, and her on the other. We stare at each in silence for what feels like an eternity, and I feel the nausea return as I look into Applejack's hard green eyes.
"Well... that's that, ah reckon," Applejack finally says, "now how 'bout we head inside an' talk about what's really goin' on?"
I wilt under Applejack's stern glare, my ears flattening against my head. I'd known Applejack might think there was more to what I'd said, but I was hoping she'd trust me enough to leave things be. Apparently, I was expecting too much and now she was here in the library's main room, and she wanted answers.
Answers that I might not be able to give.
"Now ah don't wanna go placin' any blame or throw any accusations around willy-nilly," Applejack says. Her expression and tone soften somewhat, "ah don't know nearly enough about what's goin' on to do anythin' like that, but somethin' definitely smells rotten about all o' this."
She sweeps her eyes over the library's interior. Though there's all manner of objects, various books and knick-knacks on display, the place feels barren and the entire library is as silent as a grave. Applejack visibly shivers and turns back to me.
"This place is givin' me the willies," she mutters, "ah don't know how ya can stand it, bein' all alone like this," she focuses that intense gaze back on me, "this ain't right, Twilight. What the hay happened here? Rarity mentioned somethin' about you an' Spike havin' some kinda fallout, but she was a bit sparse on the details."
I stay silent for a second, wondering whether or not I should just tell her. It's not like I know much more than she does at this point.
But what would that accomplish, really? What could she possibly do to help?
The only one in a position to do anything remotely useful is—
"Luna!" I suddenly cry, remembering that I'd been waiting for her report on the 'cat' creature, "I can't believe I almost forgot!"
My outburst startles Applejack and she takes a step back, giving me a bewildered look.
"Luna?" she repeats, "the hay does Princess Lunahave to do with all o' this?"
But I've stopped listening to Applejack all together. My mind goes back to the sound I'd heard just before I fled down the stairs in a panic, and I feel like an idiot once I realize what the sound actually was. Mentally cursing myself for the mindless fear of earlier, I wrap my horn in a magenta glow, but before I can teleport back up to my room, Applejack places a firm hoove on my shoulder.
"Twilight!" she growls. Her frustration dulls the country twang in her voice, "for buck's sake, slow down and tell me what you're on about, filly!"
I look at her and she glares back at me.
"I..." I begin, swallowing hard and craning my neck around to look back at my bedroom door at the top of the staircase. I feel Applejack press her hoof deeper into my shoulder and whip back around to face her again, words quickly spilling out of my mouth before I can stop them, "just give me a few minutes and I'll tell you everything I know, I promise."
Applejack opens her mouth, then shuts it again and silently searches my eyes for any kind of deceit. My eyes are wide with desperation and my body is itching with impatience, but I hold her gaze. I don't care whether or not she knows what I know anymore. I don't care if she ends up thinking I'm crazy when I mention the unseen gaze, the 'cat' in Spike's dreams, or whatever that was back at Rarity's boutique. The only thing that matters to me in that moment is the letter waiting for me back in my room. I'm not sure if Applejack is mistaking my desperation for earnestness, but evidently, she's satisfied by whatever she sees. She nods once, pulls her hoof from my shoulder and steps back.
"Alright, go on then," she finally says, her mouth set in a firm line, "do what ya gotta do, but ah'll be here, and ah'll be expectin' that explanation when yer done, ya hear me?"
"Yes, thank you, Applejack," I reply, letting out a quiet sigh of relief. I was prepared to Pinkie Promise if I had to, but apparently, that wasn't going to be necessary this time, "I just need to check something and I'll be right back down."
I finally unleash the teleportation spell I'd been holding onto and in a flash, I appear at my desk, right next to the overturned chair. Sure enough, I see a neatly rolled scroll sitting comfortably amidst the various clutter of books, inkwells, used quills, and stray parchment atop the desk. I take the scroll in my magic and practically tear it open before reading over it.
Twilight Sparkle,
I have done a thorough search of the Dream Realm and have encountered no such creature as the one you described in your letter. Furthermore, I cannot see the dreams of your dragon assistant nor can I sense his presence.
Wherever he is, either he is not asleep, or something has hidden both his and their own presence in the Dream Realm from me. While this is a troubling thought, and while I will continue to look into this situation further, I am afraid I can offer you no more aid at the moment without additional information. Until then, I have other duties I must return to.
I bid you good luck in your search, and may the Stars guide you and Spike safely through the night.
~Luna
My heart sinks like a stone into water.
I fall to my haunches, my legs numb with disbelief and eyes still glued to the now useless piece of parchment floating before me. I don't know how much time I spend sitting there staring at the letter, but eventually, I let it slip from my magical grasp and gently float to the floor. Unbidden, or perhaps out of habit, my mind runs through all the other options and solutions available to me, but the more I think, the harder it becomes to keep those thoughts in order. I grab onto one idea, only to have it scatter like leaves in the wind an instant later. It's the same with the next idea, then the next, and the next, and the next one after that.
I can't keep my focus.
My head starts to pound painfully, my body begins to tremble, I feel sick and it takes everything I have to keep the bile down. I try to control my breathing, but my breath comes out in short sporadic gasps. I feel light-headed and scared and I can feel that terrible gaze pressing in on all sides, weighing me down and making me fight for every bit of my sanity.
I want to scream—I need to scream, but I can't get enough air in my lungs to pull it off.
I want to run; I want to leave this place and never come back, but I can't focus enough to teleport and my legs refuse to budge.
It's like a dam burst somewhere inside me and I can feel myself being washed away. It's like I've lost all control—like all the fear, panic, anxiety, and stress I'd been building up for almost two weeks has suddenly been unleashed all at once.
I'm spiraling.
I can't think, I can't breathe, I can't take it anymore.
It needs to stop.
It all needs to stop, it has to, because if it doesn't... if it doesn't...
If it doesn't, then I might k—
I seize up at the sudden sensation of a small, but warm embrace. Everything stops; the panic, the fear, the anxiety, the madness, all of it coalesces into one singular emotion as I slowly drag my teary, wide-eyed gaze to the little purple dragon hugging my lower half for all he's worth.
Utter shock.
"S... S-Spike?" I croak in a hoarse whisper, barely able to believe what I'm seeing, "you're back..."
He looks up at me with those large predatory green eyes and smiles a bright and reassuring smile. My heart melts at the sight and suddenly I feel like my whole world has realigned. Everything falls back into its proper place as I scoop the dragon up into my hooves and squeeze him tight.
"You're back..." I whisper again. Tears stream down my face and my voice is quiet, but thick with emotion. If anypony were to see me right now, it probably would've looked like I hadn't seen him in years, and to me, that's exactly what it feels like as I look into his eyes, "you came back, and I... there's so much I want to tell you..."
I put Spike down and he brushes himself off before placing a gentle claw on my leg. He continues to look at me with his warm and comforting smile as he speaks.
"It's alright, Twilight. I know things have been kinda weird between us lately, but I'm here for you, Twi."
It's a simplistic apology that doesn't even come close to conveying how I feel about this whole situation. Nevertheless, I put as much feeling into my words as I can. It isn't hard to do given how fragile I feel at the moment. Spike had brought me back from the brink of a complete mental breakdown, but I'm far from okay. Still, it looks like things are going to be okay now that my faithful assistant is here with me. And what's more, he seems to be back to his old cheerful self.
Just like I remember him.
I have so many questions to ask Spike, but instead of saying anything right away, I pull him into another small hug, reveling in the warmth of his scales. It takes another moment for me to realize he hasn't replied and I pull away from him with a quizzical frown. To my confusion, his comforting smile fades in something a little more melancholy, almost sorrowful. I also see something else in that smile—something older, something wiser, more understanding.
I don't like it.
"Spike?" I ask tentatively, "what's wrong?"
"Well, it's just... there's no need to apologize, Twilight. If anything, I'm the one that's sorry for acting so stupid all this time."
"No, Spike," I reply, taking a step towards the drakeling, "I was the idiot here. I never once tried to talk to you. I could've prevented things from getting as bad as they did, but I was... scared. I don't know why, but that was no excuse to distance myself from you."
Spike slowly shakes his head and gives me a strange, pitying look, not unlike the one Fluttershy wore earlier.
"No, Twilight, you don't understand. I... I kinda found some things out—some really, really important things... and kept it all to myself. I should've told you, but... well... I was afraid of how you'd react, but not anymore. I'm done hiding things from you, Twilight, and I've already forgiven you for hiding things from me so you don't have to worry about that anymore."
"Spike... what are you talking about?" I ask, unable to stop a small tremor from entering my voice, "what did you find out? Where did you go?" I take another step forward, "where have you been?"
The warmth and comfort from only moments ago is slowly beginning to ebb, and I can feel the fear crawling its way back into my mind. Spike's sad smile only grows sadder at the onslaught of questions and I suddenly get the feeling I've made a terrible mistake.
"...Spike?"
"The truth is... I never left, Twilight. I never once left the library. I've been here the whole time... right under your nose, watching you... but you never noticed me."
"No..." I mutter, searching my memory for something I missed, "no you weren't here, Spike. I looked everywhere... everywhere for you. I searched every nook and cranny, searched the library from top to bottom, and I didn't... I couldn't find you... anywhere."
As I say this, I feel a sharp tug in my mind, like a rod trying desperately to reel in a fish. The sensation causes me to wince in pain, but I try to grab hold of it anyway, only to fail, and it slips away.
"You didn't check down there, Twilight. You never check down there."
"Down..."
The tug, the sensation, the thought... the memorycomes again, but a jolt of inexplicable terror makes me instinctively push it away.
Not down there.
Never down there.
Never again.
I clench my eyes shut against the creeping dread, try to push it away, but it pushes back, and not just fear, but unbridled terror fills me again.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Spike!" I find myself shouting "I don't understand what you mean! Down there? Down wh—"
Spike's not there anymore.
My eyes fall on a room devoid of anypony else but me, but before I can fully comprehend this fact, I hear a voice. It comes from everywhere at once; It comes from above me, from behind and right in front of me. I can hear through the walls, I can hear in my mind...
...but I hear it echo the loudest from below.
"Down here in the basement, Twilight."
"Down here in your laboratory."
"That's where I found your little secret, Twilight. Your little pet project, what you were hiding from me and the rest of the world."
The voice is gurgling, wet, and carries the slow rattle of somepony on the brink of death... and I realize with growing horror that it's his voice.
It was always his voice.
"You're not Spike," I whisper shakily, staring straight ahead and seeing nothing but the vague and incomprehensible images that flash through my mind, "you... you can't be Spike... Spike is... h-he's... he—"
"I'm not dead, Twi... I never was."
The images begin to grow clear, and memories begin to surge to the surface, but I desperately try to shove them back down.
It's a losing battle.
"I was always here, waiting for you to come back for me... to save me... but you never did, Twilight."
I feel numb.
My head is pounding with the effort it takes to keep the memories at bay, but despite those efforts, some things begin to seep through the cracks.
"W-Who are you?!" I shout in a high, frightened voice, "What did you do with Spike?!"
The voice ignores my questions.
It knows the truth, and it knows that I know the truth. It knows what I've been keeping hidden, locked deep down inside me—somewhere so deep that it wouldn't even be possible without the use of—
"Mind magic. Powerful wards that twist the memory and trick the senses into believing nothing's there."
"That's why you didn't come back for me, Twilight. You thought I was dead, and so you locked me and your memory away behind wards and seals and left me there alone with it."
"But that's okay, Twi. Now the seals are breaking and you're remembering everything you hid deep inside your broken mind, and that's what really matters."
"You do remember that thing you pulled into the basement, right? The monster you let out from that place you called the 'Other Side'? The 'cat'?"
I remember.
Celestia help me, I'm beginning to remember all of it.
The memory of that monstrosity nearly makes me wretch with fear. I can remember the excitement I felt at the historic breakthrough I'd made. All my hard work had led up to that moment, months of study, too many sleepless nights to count, grueling and frustrating trial and error... but I'd finally done it. I'd wanted to keep all my research secret from any prying eyes until I was done... and that included Spike. I don't even know why I thought secrecy was so important at the time, but it was. Spike could have been there, he could've been with me every step of the way, helping me achieve what I and many others thought impossible... but I didn't want him involved, and then things went wrong.
Very wrong.
I tore open a rift to the 'Other Side', broke something fundamental in the process. I let it into my basement, into Equestria. It was much larger than what Spike had seen in his dreams—its massive form had taken up a sizeable portion of my lab—but other than that, it was exactly as he'd described it, a horrible, mind-bending thing that defied any and all explanation. Like Spike, my mind had also associated it with a feline, but that's not what it was—that couldn't have been what it was.
I didn't know at all what to make of it, but whatever it was, it didn't belong here and I shouldn't have brought it here... but I did. I couldn't have known—nopony could have. I tampered with something that was best left alone and Spike was the one that paid the price for it. I could only watch in horror as that thing dragged itself through the opening I'd made for it. Spike had somehow snuck into the lab at some point. He found me, tried to warn me, tried to get me to do something, but I couldn't do anything.
I was too scared, horrified by what I'd done... and then, before I knew it, it had grabbed him—changed him, twisted him into something else and pulled him in. His screams were horrible, bloodcurdling, agonized, and I just stood there. He called me then, in that gurgling, wet, rattle of death. He called my name... and I abandoned him. By some miracle I found just enough mental focus to teleport out of the basement and with the last of my sanity I locked whatever that thing had been away with every type of magical seal I knew, and just as the voice said... I forced myself to forget everything.
But if Spike was down there, then who or what was living with me this whole time? I can remember sealing off the basement, but now that I'm thinking about it...
...I can't remember anything that happened between sealing the basement and that conversation I had with Spike, or the creature I thought was Spike. Everything before that talk about recurring dreams is a complete blank.
"I can tell you what happened, if you want, Twilight, but I'd rather tell you face-to-face. It took some time to weaken them all, but the wards and seals are completely gone now, so you should come and join me. It feels like forever since I've seen you with my own eyes, Twi. I really wanna see you again."
"Oh, and don't worry about Applejack. She was getting kinda curious while we were talking, so I kept her busy for you."
And what is it planning to do to me I can't help but wonder. It claims that it wants to talk, that it has answers to questions I didn't even realize needed asking, but I don't believe it for a second. Every fiber of my being tells me not to do what it says, to flee the library and never return, to keep galloping and never look back.
To abandon Applejack as a lost cause... just like I did with Spike.
The thought sickens me almost as much as the fear of whatever I left down in that basement. I don't want to go down there again. I don't want to know whether or not what it says is true. I want answers, but my terror convinces me that they aren't worth facing it again. The answers aren't worth it... but Applejack is, and it's then that I realize my mind was already made up, that is, until it speaks again.
"Applejack is gone, Twilight. I sent her to run a little errand for me while we... talk. Whatever you think I did, I definitely didn't."
Rather than anger, its twisted voice sounds almost amused at my assumptions.
"I'm hurt you'd even think I do something so horrible. I only want to help you and the other girls, Twilight. That's all I've ever wanted."
I don't reply to his words. Instead, I stay right where I am, frozen and silenced by fear, distrust, and indecision, though most of my hesitation was fear. Now that I remember what had happened down in the basement, the memory of that day refuses to leave me, the images repeating themselves over and again in my mind.
"Twilight, the seals are broken. I can leave this basement anytime I want, but I don't need to, nor do I want to... not yet. I can drag you down here either way, but I'd rather you come down here on your own."
"You wanted answers after all, and there's something I need to show you. You'll want to see this... or maybe you won't, but it's something you need to see regardless."
It's right about one thing, all of the seals and wards I'd cast are gone. Now that I remember what to look for in terms of thaumic energy, I can no longer sense the workings of the spells I'd placed on the entrance to the basement. I don't know how it was able to remove them, but it's clear that that thing really can leave the basement at any time.
One part of me wants to curl up and hide in my room at the thought, and the other is screaming to warn everypony in Ponyville to escape, but no part of me wants to see the horror lurking down there in the lab. Not since I was a filly have I wanted so badly for Celestia to hold me and tell me everything would be okay, and Spike...
I just want my faithful assistant here by my side... but he's gone, and I'm the one who failed to save him like he tried to do for me. Between the memories of what I'd done in the lab, the fear of the creature I'd unleashed upon the world, the pain of losing Spike to that creature, and the guilt of knowing all of it was my fault, all I can do is sink to the floor of my bedroom and stare at nothing as despair and hopelessness begin to wash over me. I barely even notice that the voice has fallen silent. I don't know how long I stay that way, but eventually, I feel something small and warm rest on my withers.
"Twilight... Twilight, look at me."
Through clouded, watery eyes, I slowly look up and see none other than Spike looking down at me, his eyes bright with concern and compassion. The idea that the monster below is mocking me comes to mind, but complete emotional ruin washes the suspicion away and I simply stare in his direction unblinkingly and expectantly.
"I'm not lying when I say I want to see you again. I'm not lying when I say I want to help you. You don't have to trust me, and I know you can't help but fear me, I know you can't help but fear what you don't understand, but you're Twilight Sparkle."
He smiles at me then, the big goofy smile I'd seen Spike wear countless times in the past.
"Finding out what makes the world tick is what you live for, and I should know—I do know, Twi. I know so many things now, and I want to share that knowledge with you because I know you, more than anypony would appreciate what I have to tell you, what I have to show you."
I continue to stare at him, drinking in his words but receiving nothing from them. His smile falls and he lets out a disappointed sigh before lowering himself so that we're at eye level.
"Alright then, how about this? Picture me in your mind—not as I am, but as I was back before all this began. Picture the day we both came to Ponyville for the first time during the Summer Sun Celebration, how we met the girls and how you all defeated Nightmare Moon. Remember how you felt then? Remember how it felt to finally put the pieces together and unlock the sixth Element?"
For a long moment, we continue to look into each other's eyes, and nothing happens as I once again let his words sink in. Then slowly, reluctantly, the memories come to me, and as they rise to the surface I latch onto them like a drowning mare, holding them as tightly as I can, trying to find some sort of solace or escape from the nightmare that my reality has become. Spike smiles a satisfied smile, the smile a proud parent might give their foal for doing something good.
"There you go, just like that! Now, close your eyes. Keep those memories in your mind, keep that hope and happiness in your heart, and I'll take care of the rest, okay?"
I mindlessly obey, all too willing to immerse myself further within a time where my mistakes and Spike's fate doesn't exist. Lost in better times, I go back to the years I spent in Canterlot—years I spent as Celestia's personal protégé, years I spent acting as an occasional mother to an infantile dragon, years I spent delving into the deepest mysteries of magic and science in all its forms.
Then there were the friends I made after I left Canterlot for the first time. They weren't my first friends, but they were the ones I cherished the most. I see all the trials and tribulations we faced together; I see the night we used the Elements to banish the Nightmare that had taken hold of Princess Luna. I see my brother's ponytale wedding, ruined by Chrysalis and saved by true love. I also think of the happier, more peaceful times during my life in Ponyville. Whether it was spending a quiet evening reading a book with my faithful assistant close by or enjoying a lively afternoon picnic with the girls, I was as happy as anypony could possibly be all things considered.
Then an agonized scream shatters my perfect world, the sound of it clearly feminine and horribly familiar to my ears.
My eyelids snap open and I find myself in an alien world of unfathomable nightmares. The walls, floor, and ceiling are all made of strange dark stone, rotted wood and what I can only imagine are massive, scattered globs of pulsing sickly grey flesh. The fetid smell of blood, bile, and some other unknown but equally vile substance fills my nostrils and it takes every ounce of will not to retch right then and there. Viscous black liquid drips to the ground from above and seeps through the many cracks in the walls. It bubbles up from the stone floor, hissing and popping and emitting some kind of vapor that makes my eyes water. Everywhere I look, it's the same scene—dark, horrific, and endless. It takes me no time at all to realize that I'm in what's supposed to be my own basement, my own laboratory... and there's no exit to be found anywhere.
Another scream catches my attention and draws my horrified gaze to the slimy scaly bulk of a beast that towers over my comparatively minuscule form, its own partially amorphous body taking up most of the space before me. The beast is a mix of dark pink-grey flesh, pale violet scales, and bulbous green eyes amidst all manner of claw-tipped appendages. Somewhere in that maddening visage, I see a gaping mouth large enough to swallow several ponies whole and filled with rows of mismatched teeth. Some are large and some small, but all are tapered to a knife-edge and drip with the same black ichor that oozes from the floor, walls, and ceiling.
But its form doesn't stay that way for long, and before my eyes, it twists and changes to something else—something far more difficult to comprehend, but just as gruesome if not more so. Then it changes again a few moments later, and again, and once more. Each transformation is more twisted than the last, but the sickening screams of agony I hear from seemingly everywhere at once remain the same, and it takes me a moment to realize why that is and why it sounds so familiar.
Having seen it for myself, I now know that this eldritch horror is none other than Spike. 'Spike' is what my mind now tells me when I look at it, but that's not the only thing I see. The screams don't belong to 'Spike' and they don't belong to Applejack either. The other creature I see in my mind's eye when I look at that thing, the other creature whose screams savagely tear at my heartstrings, the other creature whose name I scream out with renewed despair and hopelessness...
That gurgling rattle of a voice is like thunder in my ears. It reverberates in my bones, shakes my mind and leaves me dizzy with fear, but it's Pinkie's wordless screams that hold my attention the most. Overwhelmed by the terror and confusion of my predicament, I can only cry out her name in the desperate hope that she can hear me.
"Pinkie... PINKIE!" I scream repeatedly to no avail. My voice is drowned out by Pinkie's own screams, and so I finally turn my focus towards the monster that had formerly been my faithful assistant for answers, "give her back... you can't have her... YOU CAN'T HAVE HER!!!"
'Spike' begins to say something, but my emotions are turbulent and volatile, and through my fear and rage, I don't hear it. Before it has a chance to finish speaking, I've already sent a focused beam of raw magic hurtling towards the shifting mass. Then I send another, and three more in quick succession, all of them impacting its grotesque form and causing chunks of its scaly flesh to break off and splat wetly against the ground. To my horror, the constantly morphing flesh is quickly and easily replaced, almost as if I'd done nothing at all... and Pinkie's screams only grow louder as a result.
A panicked thought crosses my mind and my horn flares again, this time with a teleportation spell. The magic surrounding my horn crackles and dies with a pathetic pop, the spell not having taken me anywhere.
There really is no escape.
"Spells don't work, Twilight."
"I don't blame you for trying, I know you're scared... but there's nothing you can do to affect me. Pain, injury, death... these are all concepts—mere ideas that don't apply to me. Not anymore."
'Spike's' words echo loudly through my entire being and somehow I know and accept them to be the truth. I try to ignore it, but just being in its presence, it feels like I'm standing before something immutable, some fundamental force that can't be changed or contained by mundane means like stone walls or even magic. Somewhere beneath the terror, I begin to wonder why I even bothered placing wards at all.
"When you first left me down here in the lab, I did try to break free, but my mind was fractured from the merge and the Knowledge hadn't yet taken hold."
"I abandoned my attempts to escape, and instead I focused on the Knowledge. I learned things, Twilight. I know so much that I can barely contain it all."
"Sure I was able to handle it all for a while, but the Knowledge is always growing and my mind can only hold so much. Now my mind isn't enough—our mindsaren't enough.
"We need more, Twilight, more minds to hold the Knowledge... and what better mind to help us contain it all than that of the smartest mare I know?"
This is a dream.
This... all of this... it has to be a dream or some kind of nightmare. This isn't what I wanted; my goal when I opened a rift to the 'Other Side' was to find the 'source' of all knowledge, or at the very least, a vast font of it. I'd expected to find some kind of unfathomably grand library or some creature of immense wisdom and intellect that I could learn from. I wasn't certain of what I'd find, but this... abomination was the last thing I expected to come crawling through from the 'Other Side'. If what that thing says is true, then in a grim and gruesome sort of way... I succeeded in my goal.
The old sayings 'be careful what you wish for' and 'curiosity killed the cat' both come unbidden to me and I can't help but laugh aloud, though it comes out half-mad and sounding more like a choked sob.
I was an idiot.
I am an idiot.
I don't know when, how, or why Pinkie became part of this insanity, but I know I can't save her, just like Spike, only this time I never even had a chance to try. I don't know if knowing that makes it better or worse in the end.
"Despite what you might think or hear, Pinkie doesn't need saving, Twilight. Give her a bit more time and she won't even want it."
'Spike' falls silent for a brief moment as another feminine scream rips itself from his form. As if to back up his claim, the scream suddenly devolves into raucous giggles that send cold and violent shivers down my spine.
"Pinkie's mind really is something special, Twilight. It's nothing like yours, but at the same time, there's a strange sort of... kinship I can feel between her thoughts and yours—a synergy."
"It's like she's the chaos to your order—like she completes you and vice versa, though not in a romantic sense. If the two of you were born in the same womb, you would've been twins... same in body, opposite in mind, completely inseparable from one another in soul... it's actually kinda fascinating."
The shock, disbelief, and confusion mix with my ever-present fright and leave me speechless. The only thing I can do is stare wide-eyed and open-mouthed as 'Spike' continued to change from one repulsive form to another. I could only wonder the same thing I'd wondered about Applejack earlier.
What had he done to her? What happened to Pinkie Pie?
"She actually arrived while you were asleep up in your room. Rarity had already told her about you and she came to cheer you up... but she found me first. I tried to talk to her, but she was a terrified gibbering mess, kinda like you were when the rift opened."
"Everything's fine now though. She's with us, and pretty soon she'll be part of something amazing, though it's taking her a lot longer to merge than it did for me..."
There it was again.
Us.
Our.
Merge.
It's clear Spike is now part of some kind of collective if his words are anything to go by; a singular hive of minds in one body, sharing and expanding this 'Knowledge'. Now he has Pinkie... and I know he wants me as part of that horrific melding of minds. I pale at the image of it, but deep down I know that if he wanted me, there was nothing I could do to stop him from pulling me in, just like he was pulled in... just like he pulled Pinkie in.
Pinkie, an innocent mare who wound up in the wrong place at the wrong time.
A wave of sorrow passes through the multitude of negative emotions in my chest, then I remember what Applejack told me and confusion once again takes over.
"But... Applejack, she—"
"Applejack told you what I wanted her to tell you, just like Rarity back at the boutique."
"The only reason you didn't catch on with Applejack as you did with Rarity was because you were in the library, and though you probably didn't realize it, you were already used to my presence here."
It was true.
Back in Carousel Boutique, 'Spike's' presence was even more unnatural and out of place than it had been here. Those eyes, the weight of that presence—his presence, here in the library I was practically mired in it. I had no way of noticing whether or not Applejack was being manipulated, and that thought brought forth yet another horrifying question.
Was I being controlled? Had 'Spike' been manipulating me this whole time? Was that niggling voice in the back of my mind really his?
Is that why there's a large gap in my memory?
"A bit of it was experimentation, but I mostly did it to save you, Twilight."
"The wards were powerful, but at the end of the day, you weren't in your right mind when you made them. Suffice it to say they failed not too long after they were made, and you relapsed... violently. I couldn't bear to see you like that, Twi, even after what you did... so I fixed you."
"You see, I realized I could touch the minds of others beyond my reach, no matter the distance. At first, I only used this to gain more Knowledge, but pretty soon I realized I could bend other creatures to my will, make them think what I want, say what I want... do what I want."
"I put your body to rest and repaired your shattered psyche. I turned others away from the library while you were comatose. With your Knowledge, I rebuilt your wards and made them stronger."
A sick squelching noise catches my attention and my eyes snap towards one of the nearby globs of grey flesh on the ground. As I watch, it jerks and twitches for a few seconds before expanding rapidly. It changes from an ugly grey to a royal purple, all the while shifting itself into a small, but familiar draconic shape.
Before I realize what's happening, I'm met with the spiny back of Spike's original diminutive form. He turns to face me and I instinctively jerk back at what I see. His mouth is set in a cold, emotionless line and his eyes are black as the void.
"I even used Knowledge I gained from the 'Other Side' to give you back the 'Spike' that I could never be again, complete with his own memories."
It's the baby dragon that speaks, and though his tone matches that of the original Spike, there's clearly something dark and incomprehensible underneath—an eerie whisper that doesn't match his words.
"I did all this for you, Twilight. I did it because I want to help you. Despite what I've become, I am, and will always be your number one assistant."
Though I know the drakeling standing before me is just an unsettling mockery of the real Spike, I focus my attention on it anyway, preferring its mostly familiar form rather than the hideous thing behind it. With something else to draw my eyes away from the massive creature, I finally find my voice, though it's hoarse and choked with barely suppressed terror.
"If... i-if you did all this for me," I pause, then start again, trying to sound more confident than I felt, "if you did this for me... then why tell me about the recurring dreams? Why not just let me live my life... with this... this fake Spike?"
I cast a quick, involuntary glance at the larger mass further back and my heart skips a beat as I see patches of pink and big bulbous cerulean eyes bubble to the surface of the creature's amorphous body. The eyes, glowing with an eerie luminance in the gloom of the defiled basement, roll madly in their sockets for a few moments before snapping to me with a suddenness that makes me jump.
I quickly turn my gaze back to the baby dragon and speak again, though my voice is far more unsteady.
"Why... why give me back my old life if you're just going to take it away again?" I continue, doing my best to ignore the focused stare of those monstrous blue eyes, "why did you put me through all of that?"
Both the monstrosity and the fake remain silent for a moment as if to consider their answer. In the brief moment of quiet, I hear what I think is Pinkie's voice, but it comes out wrong, in much the same way as discordant notes played on a piano. Both the sound of it and the unintelligible words she speaks make me flinch uncomfortably.
The imitation of Spike finally speaks again a moment later, its face just as blank and its eyes just as black and empty as before.
"I wanted to give you more time, Twi, really I did, but I tore all of that away from you for two reasons, time and necessity."
"As I told you, the Knowledge is always expanding, always growing. I can't stop it, we can't stop it. It consumes us, and so we have to add more to the 'Library' of minds. There are trillions of us, Twilight. Trillions of minds from every corner of time and space, all coming together for one purpose... to gain more Knowledge."
"What was done to me, what I did to Pinkie... what I'm going to do you and eventually the rest of Equestria and beyond... it's all just a means to an end that has no real end. I realized around the time I created this facsimile of the original Spike that the time to add to the 'Library' was drawing close."
"I wanted you to share in our purpose, Twilight. I knew... I know there's no other being on this planet more worthy or more fitting than you... but I also knew that your mind then was still fragile. As powerful a creature as I am, I can't mask my presence and you would've realized something was off eventually whether I rebuilt your memory or not."
"Besides that, any more tampering I did with your memory would've destroyed you. Still, I needed your mind open and malleable, so I used fear and paranoia to break you down. It was for these reasons that I whispered in the facsimile's mind and let things unfold on their own... for the most part. I hated to do it, Twi, but once you become part of the 'Library', you'll see it was all worth it in the end."
How could it possibly have been worth it?
This creature was just gathering knowledge for knowledge's sake. There were many ponies who'd call me a polymath, and they wouldn't be too far off the mark, but unlike this twisted mass of minds, I'd always wanted to use what I learned to help others. What would be the point in joining with something whose only goal was to learn and nothing else?
It would be a hollow existence.
"Aw, c'mon, Twilight, don't be like that! It's not so bad!"
I freeze on the spot and my blood turns to ice.
The words come from the fake Spike, but they aren't his words. The voice is female, high-pitched, rambunctious, excessively happy and horribly out of place. Just like I'd heard only a few moments ago, it also carries that same unsettling undertone as the fake Spike, that eerie discordant whisper that couldn't be placed.
"...Pinkie?"
The doppelganger smiles a wide smile—much too wide for its face, then melts back into a pile of quivering flesh. It only stays that way for an instant before the glob suddenly shoots into the air, expands like a bubble, and explodes outward with a loud, wet pop, taking on the shape of a pink earth pony mare in the process.
Pinkie Pie.
She stands right there in front of me, bouncy and full of that boundless exuberance the rest of my friends and I, and all of Ponyville had come to know and love... but it isn't Pinkie. Not really. The bottomless black orbs of the previous façade are gone, replaced by the bright cerulean of the original Pinkie's eyes, but there's a different kind of emptiness there, a hollowness I can see despite the apparent cheer in this Pinkie's tone and expression.
"Heya, Twilight! It's me, Pinkie! I finally got the talking thing down again so here I am!"
"Pinkie..." I mutter almost involuntarily. I feel unshed tears come to my eyes at the sight her smiling face, "Pinkie... I'm so sorry. I didn't mean... I didn't... if I'd known you were coming I would've—"
Pinkie waves my words away with an enthusiastic shake of her head.
"Aw don't sweat it, Twilight. There wasn't anything you coulda done to stop me. My Pinkie Sense told me there was a doozy of a situation at the library, so I came running like a mad pony. Sure, the library suddenly felt super scary for some reason, and sure, every bone in my body was telling me not to go in there, but you needed help, and there was no way I was leaving a friend in a place that creepy."
"But, Pinkie you... look what happened to you!" I cry, ignoring the tears now spilling down my face, "this only happened because I didn't come to you girls sooner. If I'd let you all know what was going on earlier, then maybe... maybe..."
I trail off and Pinkie smiles that same sad smile that the fake Spike had worn back in my bedroom.
"Like I said, there was nothing you could've done, Twilight; there's nothing you need to do—nothing that involves saving me anyway, or even grieving for me and Spike. Yeah it was scary, yes I was so terrified that I went crazy for a bit, but things are better this way. I'm better this way. We're better this way."
She moves towards me.
It's a slow, deliberate movement—very much unlike how the Pinkie I know would move. As she gets closer I can almost sense her intent, but I can't bring myself to move. My emotions, still tumbling about in a mad whirlwind, paralyze me where I stand.
Or maybe it's the thing behind Pinkie, that monstrosity watching and waiting in the background. I can't tell for sure, and it doesn't matter anyway. Pinkie's already reached me by the time I refocus my thoughts on her. She gently places a hoof under my chin and speaks again, her tone still bright and reassuring, only now it's not her tone, but Spike's.
"And hey, who says you can't use the Knowledge to help ponies? I used it to help you didn't I?"
I can't speak.
My mouth flaps open but no words come out, just a shaky gasp of terror as the gurgling voice of that eldritch beast assaults my ears and mind with an almost painful force.
"You just need to see it for yourself, Twi. Feelit for yourself; understand it the way we do, and you will..."
"Here... let me show you..."
Behind the fake Pinkie, I see the massive beast twitch, then another movement catches my eye, but before I can comprehend what it is, something slams into, and through my chest with the force of a cannonball and the sharpness of a blade.
The agony is immediate and crippling.
A scream rips itself from my throat, but its quickly cut off as blood rushes into my windpipe. The coppery taste fills my mouth and I feel my life spilling past my lips by what seems like the gallons. Distantly, beyond the pain that overwhelms my senses, I feel myself being yanked in one direction, and a moment later, I'm enveloped in a paradoxical mix of warm and cold, soft and hard, wet and dry, and other conflicting sensations.
Above them all, always above them all, is the agony. It pierces my brain, tears through my body, and clouds my vision until all I can see are flashes of black and red. Nothing is right anymore, the world as I know it ceases to exist, and in its place is hurt like I've never experienced it before. Time loses meaning, there is no space, there are no concepts save for the pain.
I'm changing.
As the agony finally begins to ebb, understanding begins to set in, and I know this as a fundamental truth.
I'm changing, and not only that, but I can hear something. Voices in the darkness whisper to me, but this is nothing like what I'd heard in my sleep. These voices are comforting, encouraging, welcoming... wise. The voices grow until they number in the billions—the trillions, but I can hear them all, each and every individual voice.
They tell me things.
Some of it is silly—some information is trivial, nonsensical and pointless. Some of it is fascinating and insightful, Knowledge that I could've never obtained on my own, living in the place that I did, the time thatI did... the world that I did. I take in all of it, drink it in eagerly, absorb it into my being and make it mine, but one question remains, the answer lost amidst the rapid influx of information.
Who am I?
Two voices rise to the surface, seeming to separate themselves from the rest and speak to me. They're warm and caring and familiar... and remind me of a place I feel like I've abandoned. They tell me the answer, and in doing so I feel myself lift up, rising along with them to the surface. I know who I am, I know what I am, and I know what I have to do. Among trillions of voices and faces, I regain a sense of self and for the first time in what feels like an eternity, my eyes open.
I am Twilight Sparkle.
The name is only one of countless others, but I know that it's my name. The other voices around me distance themselves and allow me to take control without a word of complaint and, with a newfound sense of freedom, I take in my surroundings. The Knowledge flows in from every direction endlessly and I continue to take it all in, reaching out far beyond the walls of the basement to taste the minds of Ponyville.
With every mind I touch, I can feel their vague sense of unease, their apprehension. They know that something isn't right. I root around in their brains, searching their thoughts, and the only clue any of them have is a tiny niggling voice in the back of their minds, easily ignored, easily forgotten.
I let out a rattling sigh of contentment as I rein my senses in. Spike and Pinkie had been right all along. I have my purpose, but my purpose is not all that I am. I can use the Knowledge to change the face of Equestria, to change the face of the entire world, and maybe more... and that's exactly what I intend to do.
Thankfully I don't have to do it alone. There are like minds like Pinkie, Spike, and even others not even native to this dimension that are willing to help, and I can do it all at my leisure, no need to rush for the moment.
Once Applejack comes back with the others, I'll have even more friends to help me, and until then... I'm content to wait down here in the lab.
