“Dude, nice.” I say with a hint of pride, reading down a letter that was sent to me. It’s a job offer I’ve been hoping to receive since I applied to be a receptionist in Manehattan. It’s not exactly a job I would have chosen if I had any other choice, as I really don’t like people er- ponies. People ponies. Yeah. Either way, I’m still a bit excited.
I would finally be able to move out of this hellhole of a town. Finally be able to live a calm life away from this town's issues.
You see, being dumped into a world full of talking ponies is one thing. People can get used to that after a while. But I have a big issue with where in this world I was dumped. Ponyville. I was just playing some games with my friend Eric. We had just finished a call. I decided to go to bed, so I did. Went to sleep and all that jazz. Next thing I know, I’m waking up with a massive headache surrounded by ponies and old style buildings.
Wasn’t too bad at first. But fuck me if it’s issues didn’t show themselves in less than a month of being here. Anyone who doesn’t live here can visit and notice that all of the ponies here are happy. Everyone would just be going about their day with a smile on their face. And I have no idea how. I would assume every pony here would be traumatized! At least once a month bare minimum, some giant monster or devastating horde of something makes it’s way around here, tearing shit up and causing havoc.
I’ve only been here a little less than a year and so far there have been fourteen different disasters! I asked Twilight about it a few months in and her theory is that they’re attracted to the magic that her and her friends exsert.
I tried just toughing through it. I mean, when something isn’t threatening to, or literally, destroying the town, it’s kinda nice. Twilight is nice enough, a bit grating at times, I don’t think she really gets that I genuinely don’t care about this ‘Stareswil the Breaded’ or whatever. But so far things are gucci.
Fast forward to about a month ago. I grew sick and tired of this stupid fucking town and it’s issues. So, I asked Twilight to have newspapers from other cities sent to the castle for me. I told her it was just out of curiosity, but I just wanted to look at the classifieds.
After sending several letters to various openings in various cities all across Equestria, I even tried for a cherry sorting position in Appleloosa, I was starting to give up, as no one was sending anything back.
A little over a week ago, I saw a really interesting position as a receptionist at a plaza in Manehattan. Apparently they are extending their hours later and needed another pony to cover the extra hours. Figuring I had nothing to lose, I sent my best attempt at a resume and a letter signed with my name.
That leaves us to right now, with me reading the open letter in front of the Ponyville crystal castle.
“Casey?”
I whip around to see my host Twilight Sparkle with a confused expression on her face. “What are you doing with the mail? Did something come for you?”
“Ye. Got a job.” I tell her, holding the letter up. “Gonna move to Manehattan.”
“Manehattan?” She asks incredulously.
“Ye fam. Fuckin’... Big buildings, lots of ponies, has that one statue on the island.” I say matter of factly.
“I know what Manehattan is…” She deadpans. “But I thought you liked it here in Ponyville.”
“Nah, it was all a ruse my dude” I say as I begin walking back into the castle. Handing off the rest of the mail to Twilight’s magic grip as I walk passed.
“A ruse?” She asks with even more confusion and a hint of melancholy.
I notice her tone and turn my head to look at her. “I mean, I didn’t want to hurt your feelings or anything, but this town has way too much shit going on. I may joke about it, but I genuinely don’t want to die.”
She snorts “You’re not going to die here, Casey. We’ve got all the disasters handled.”
I ponder for a moment. “Let me rephrase that. I don’t want to have to worry about disasters all the time. I hate not having control over anything. If there are issues, I want them to be ones I can help and do something about.”
She thinks about that for a moment before speaking. “I guess I can understand that. Know that everypony here will miss you here. Especially Rarity.” She trots alongside me as we enter the castle. “Make sure this is what you really want before leaving. Please?” She asks.
“I’ve thought about it for a while, and I do wanna leave.” I say. “I think moving to a bigger city with more to do will help me in a lot of ways.”
I step onto the train with my luggage in hand, and turn back to the friends I’ve made here in Ponyville. Lyra, Roseluck… Even most of the mane six were here. All except Rainbow dash. And Applejack was here begrudgingly.
I never got along with either of them very well. Rainbow dash was a hypocritical cunt, and she shows it. Especially when that one magician mare came into town. Now, I wasn’t there, but I heard from the others about her, all seemingly disgusted by her ‘showing off’ and ‘boasting’. Yeah, because when you’re trying to attract ponies to your stage to see cool tricks, you should be modest about it. That was sarcasm by the way.
Apparently Rainbow went up and challenged her because she was being that way. I wonder if she ever tasted that irony… Probably not, she’s probably too absorbed in herself.
As for Applejack, I don’t really know why we didn’t really like each other. We just simply… didn’t get along. Not that she’s a terrible pony, like Dash, we just never really clicked. Never had any similar interests. But I digress.
Looking at my friends, I notice they all wore fake smiles for your sake. Now, I understand trying to spare my feelings, but I never liked people, or in this case ponies, being fake.
“Don’t worry fams, I’ll visit.” I say, trying to reassure them.
Rarity stepped forward, sniffling. “But Casey, who will I have intellectual debates and conversations with now!?” All her friends gave her a small glare. Twilight especially so.
“You’ll find someone. I can’t be the only intellectual in town.”
Rarity then nearly tackles me with a hug, still sniffling. “I’ll miss you.”
I smile at her as the train whistles. “Likewise, fam. But I kinda gotta get going now.” I gently place her back on her hooves and finish boarding the train.
Taking a seat, I peered out the window and wave to my friends as the train starts pulling away.
“Cut that one a bit close.” I say to myself.
I decide the 5 hour train ride would be best handled asleep, so I lean back and attempt to take a nap. Keyword ‘attempt’. As long as I can remember, I’ve had sleep issues. No magic helped, likely do to my innate resistance to it. Levitation and other forms of exterior magic worked, but nothing that would physically or mentally change me in any way.
I cursed my sleep issues and decided to simply bring out my sketchbook. ‘Some light doodles should help pass the time’ I thought.
And as the landscape raced by me, I draw whilst thinking about my future new life.
I saw the city in the distance and decide to pack up my sketchbook. I managed to draw a few funny doodles. One was Twilight tripping over spike because she was too into her book. Top Zozzle. I also drew a few other things. Some nameless, faceless ponies in lewd poses. Unf.
Currently I’m thankful that ponies don’t have hands, and that they're more dexterous than hooves. Ponies around Ponyville liked to hire me out for repairs, since it seems every three weeks another something happens and tears up a few things.
Those jobs allowed me to have enough bits to stay in a hotel while I worked at the new job and searched for a new place. At first I thought they overpaid me, then I started paying more attention and even studying a bit about the economy. Turns out I was relatively cheap help compared to others. The contractor ponies definitely didn’t like that.
The train was pulling up to the station. I stood, gathered my belongings, and stepped out onto the platform and made my way into the city. Looked rather nice to be honest. Surprisingly clean. But eh, not important.
I pulled out the letter I got from the plaza and looked it over, searching for the address. “8326 26th Street” I read aloud. “Nice, now I just gotta find the damn thing”
After about an hour, some circles, and a couple too many times asking somepony for directions, I finally found it. It looked nice. I looked both ways like a good little boy, crossed the street, approached the front doors, and made my way inside.
The inside looked nice. Basic but aesthetically pleasing. Nothing really intricate or detailed, but still had an eye-capturing design to it. Sitting behind a wide front desk, ironically at the back of the lobby, was an admittedly quite pretty mare. At least, that was my impression from the doorway.
She had a pink coat. Aesthetic. A blonde mane swept to one side. Aesthetic. Some large jeweled glasses and a pentil stuck behind her ear. Aesthetic.
I made my way up to said desk, mentally preparing what I was going to say. As I stepped up, the mare peered at me. She gave me a confused look before realization seemed to hit and she spoke up.
“Oh hi! You must be the hue-man. Here for your obligatory interview and to start your training, right?” She asked with a smile.
Oh my god her voice. She had the most adorable lisp I’ve ever heard. “Ye.” I say super smoothly… Okay, maybe it was more stoic.
“Ooookay… Well, just follow me and I’ll take you to the boss.” She says, hopping off her chair and coming around the desk.
She nods for me to follow and makes her way into a hallway as I follow in tow. I find myself perfectly content walking behind this mare. Let me just say… She has a grade A ass.
I snap myself out of my stare as we approach a door. I turn to glance at the mare and notice her giving me a sly smirk. Sheeeiiit… Curse my male hormones… She loses the smirk and gives a friendly smile. “I’m Grace, by the way.” She says.
Nice, a human sounding name. I take that as a hint to introduce myself. A simple “Casey.” was all I gave.
“Not much of a talker are you?” She asks with an adorable tilt of her head.
“Eh, just not a big fan of new situations. Just give me a few days to get a rhythm and I’ll be all Gucci.”
She looked a tad confused at my hip lingo, but quickly shook it off. “Well, I’m glad. Means you won’t be boring.”
“I can assure you, I am.” I reply with a slight smirk.
She giggles. “Alright, well this is the boss’ office. I’ll leave you too it.” She smiles and trots off back to the front. I take a chance and check out her ass. Unfortunately, she looks back… and smirks…
I quickly look back at the door in front of me. No time for mares, gotta get bits. I reach for the knob, which I’m still surprised ponies have, grab it, and turn.
I close the door to the office and turn to face the rest of the room. Behind a dark wooden desk sits a unicorn mare. Her coat was a light chartreuse, almost lime color, and her mane a dull gray. I can tell she’s older because of the more pronounced wrinkles under her eyes. I can’t see her cutie mark, as it’s blocked by the desk.
The rest of the office looks rather nice; Like something you’d see in a mansion of some kind. The walls are covered in fancy looking stained wood carved in various patterns, a large bookshelf is placed along the wall to the right, it’s books disheveled and with no real organization to them. On the left side of the desk is a trash can filled with various food containers and paper shreds. Overall, the place looks lived in, as if this mare spends very little time outside this room.
The mare glances up from the various papers on her desk and eyes me. Giving a small frown, she makes a motion with her hoof. “Please,” She says in a bored tone. “Sit.”
I do as she asks and sit in the chair to my right. I’ll be honest, I’m a bit nervous. Even though this interview is mostly just to say one happened, as I already received the offer for the job, this mare could simply not like me and refuse to hire me.
“So, Casey is it?” She asks and I nod in affirmation. “My name is Punched Paper, but you will call me Ms. Paper.” I nod again, and she pulls over a notepad and pen with her magic. “Alright, let us begin.” She sighs. “Why do you want to work here?” She looks me dead in the eyes with an unwavering blank expression.
Now, I’m aware most people would bullshit an explanation about how they oh so love this and that about whatever position they were applying for, but I always found that as underhanded. I would rather tell the truth, even if it doesn’t get me the job.
“I’ll be honest, I have applied for many positions in various cities and towns. I may not have specifically gone for this one, but that doesn’t mean I won’t do a good job.” I state.
Her frown seems to lessen slightly as one of her eyebrows raises by a mere centimeter. Then, as quickly as it happened, Paper’s expression returns to its previous state. “Alright, it says here your main occupation was performing ‘odd jobs here and there’ in Ponyville. What did you like least about your previous job?”
“I don’t like dying.” I say matter of factly. Paper raises one of her eyebrows again at this statement. I continue my explanation. “You ever notice how if any monster or villain appears in Equestria, it’s always in either Canterlot or Ponyville?” She nods. I make a ‘well, there you go’ hand gesture.
She nods in understanding, her expression noticeably less stone-faced. The rest of the interview flys by relatively quickly, with short predictable questions and honest answers. In between questions, while Paper was writing down what I assume to be notes for each answer, I began to think about my housing situation. I knew that I was going to get a hotel, as I have enough bits to stay in an alright hotel for at least two weeks if I ate cheaply.
Paper sighs for what seems like the umpteenth time before looking at me again. “Final question. As cliche as this question may be, it’s one of the required questions I need to ask. Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I take a short moment to think before answering. “Making enough bits to live on, pretty much. Be that here or somewhere else.” I say with a shrug.
At this, Paper smiles for the first time. Well, it’s more of a smirk than anything. She looks down at the notepad she’s been writing on. “Well, Casey… I really like your honesty. And all the references I’ve contacted say you do your job without complaint and efficiently. I think you’ll do just fine here if you keep all that up. You may be blunt, but you mean what you say and it’s always the truth. I expect that to carry on into the workplace. Understood?”
“Yes ma’am.” Outwardly I look the same, but inwardly, I feel relief. I stand up and extend my hand halfway over her desk for a hoofshake.
She smirks a bit more and reaches to meet your hand, and shakes it sternly. “Can you come in on Monday at nine to start your training?”
“Sure thing.” I answer with a nod.
“Good, you may leave.” Paper gestures you off as she returns to her paperwork.
“Rad.” I say as I stand from the chair and exit the office.
Alright, now to find a place to stay for the time being. I think as I make my way down the hallway, towards the front of the building. I pass the front desk and head in the direction of the front door. I make it a few steps passed the desk when I hear the cute mare from earlier clear her throat in an obvious attempt to get my attention.
I turn to face her and she gives me a small smile and a raised eyebrow. “So, how’d it go?” She asks.
With an internal sigh, I decide to accept my fate. I walk over to the desk and lean on it. “It went well. She was pretty stoic through the whole thing up until the end, then she smiled at me and said I’ll be coming in on Monday to start my training.”
Grace’s smile slips some. “You got her to smile?”
“Well it was more of a small smirk, but yeah.” I state truthfully with a shrug.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen her smile. The thought just sounds weird...” She says, her muzzle scrunching up a bit.
“Ye.” I say while internally amused at the universal adorable scrunchy face these ponies have. Then I remember my current task. “So, Grace,” She turns towards me. “Know an alright hotel I can crash at while I work and find a place more permanent?”
She puts her hoof up to her chin in thought before answering. “Well, I know the Mareiott isn’t too far from here. When you walk outside, turn right and head down until you see 15th, then make another right until 24th, then a left. Keep going until you see it. You can’t miss it.” She finishes with a smile.
“And that’s the closest one?” I ask incredulously.
“Well, the closest one that won’t cost you your entire life’s savings for a night.”
“Point taken.” I give Grace my thanks and walk out the door.
Oh fuck, where was this hotel? Ah fuck it, I’ll just flag down a carriage. I step to the edge of the sidewalk and attempt to flag one down. Key word being ‘attempt’. They all seem to be ignoring me. I shouldn’t expect any different, I’ve only ever been to Ponyville and Canterlot before. And even Canterlot ponies are still wary of me, despite me visiting every so often. I really like the preserved food they have there; It’s not all apples, unlike Ponyville. But I digress.
I’m just about to give up and attempt to find the place on my own while walking in the general direction I was given, when a dull maroon earth mare with a darker maroon curly mane steps up to the street and flags down a carriage with no issue. God I wish that were me.
She was just stepping in when I grab her attention with a wave. She turns to face me with a blank expression that forms into a questioning one.
“You mind if I ride with you? I’ve been trying to flag down a carriage, but nopony wants to stop for me.” I ask with a small bit of hope seeping into my words.
The mare just shrugs and nods, unfazed by my stature. Not that I’m complaining. I give her a ‘thank you’ and follow her into the carriage.
“Where you… uh… two headed?” The stallion pulling the carriage asks.
“The Mareiott, please.” The mare answers. Her voice was very mellow and soft, like a mixture of content and bored, if that makes sense.
The stallion nods and the carriage lurches forward towards our destination. Oh fuckin’ YES. I think. This mare is going not only in the same direction I need, but to the same location. I relax a bit at my fortune.
The mare notices me relax. “Long day?” She inquires.
“Yeah, just moved from Ponyville here today, then went in for the obligatory interview for my job at that plaza back there” I gesture behind us where said plaza was. “Now I’m going to get a hotel to stay at while I find a place to rent. Luckily, you are heading to the same place I wanted to go. You just visiting?”
She nods. “Yeah, my friend and I decided to take a vacation together. She got here last night and me a few hours ago. I wanted to see a few sights at my own pace for a bit before I met up with her. She can be a bit… excited. You could say she’s a bit of a filly.”
“I know that feel, I have a few friends similar to that back in Ponyville.” Pinkie Pie mainly.
The rest of the ride falls into comfortable silence as we both rested a bit from walking around the city for hours.
I see the Mareiott on the left and sit up as we approach, excited to get a room, lie down, and just fucking die… figuratively.
We stop in front of it and the mare exits to the sidewalk to her left. She almost immediately gets tackled with a hug from a smaller blue mare with a darker blue mane that had a lighter blue bow in it.
“Bread! You’re here! I’ve been standing here waiting for the past few hours!” The small mare says excitedly.
I take this time to slide out of the carriage and stretch my legs. And after I do so, the smaller mare notices me. She looks up with a surprised expression, then turns to her maroon friend. “Hey, Bread, is this your new coltfriend? He’s a bit tall. And walks on his hind legs. Didn’t take you for a xenophile.”
Breads face darkens with a blush. “Whinny, no, we just shared a cab. I don’t even know his name.”
“Casey,” I say. “My name’s Casey. Anyways, I better find a room and get settled. Perhaps I’ll see you two before your vacation’s over.”
Whinny jumps a few times with a grin. “That’d be great! Bread needs a good lay.” Bread’s face somehow gets even darker as she glares at Whinny.
I let out a light chuckle. “We’ll see what happens. Until then.” I say as I start making my way into the hotel.
The interior is rather nice; Expensive looking chandeliers, marble everything, etc. I feel lucky I over-saved bits for this. I could probably live here for about a month if I ate ramen style.
I walk over to the front desk and place my hands on the counter, looking at the clerk. “Hi, I’d like a room, please. Preferably with a large bed.”
The clerk looks up from what she’s writing down and gives me a rather nasty look. “Sorry, we don’t serve animals here.”
What? “Um… I like to think I’m not an animal” I don’t think I’ve ever been called an animal. Maybe ‘Creature’ a few times when I first got plopped on my fat ass in Ponyville, but never ‘Animal’.
The clerk just looks with annoyance. “Whatever you are, just shoo. This is a high class hotel. We don’t want things like you dirtying it up.”
Wow. “Well, alright then. Fuck you too, ya cunt.” I say then turn and walk away.
Well that could’ve gone better… I think as I walk down the sidewalk in an attempt to find another hotel.
Five. Five hotels of various names and owners. It seemed the locally owned ones are a lot friendlier as both of the ones I went to were happy to get me a room, only to find out that they had no vacancy. And the bigger ones went almost as bad as the Mareiott. Granted, they didn’t call me ‘animal’ or anything, but they still refused to give me a room. At least the one at the Hoofton seemed regretful and sorry she couldn’t get me a room. But that still doesn’t help my predicament.
I think all this as I walk by a local coffee shop. I decide that I could take a half hour and rest my legs a bit, and walk in. I order a basic coffee in the darkest brew they had. Celestia knows I need it right now.
The barista calls my name and I take my order, thanking her. I step outside, sit at one of the patio tables, and begin to sip at my cooling coffee while gazing around my new home city. “That is, if I can find a place to stay…” I say aloud to myself.
“Well, well, well, who do we have here?”
That voice… “Discord… What do you want?”
Discord appears from the table and slithers through the air and into a sitting position in the chair opposite me. “What? Is that any way to react to a friend coming for a visit?”
“Since when were we friends? Last I saw you, you turned my room into the inside of a pumpkin for Nightmare Night, laughed, then disappeared.” I give the draconequus a bemused look.
“Oh right! Heheheh, that was a fun night filled with all types of chaos.” Discord chuckles at his memories of the night.
“Is there a reason you're here, Discord?” I ask, unamused.
Discord looks caught off guard for a split second before answering. “Oh, Fluttershy just misses you and asked me to check up on you.” He says quickly then flashes an innocent toothy smile.
I raise an eyebrow. “You’re a terrible liar.”
“You know, insulting your friends will only serve to drive them away.” Discord says snootily as he crosses his arms and closes his eyes. Then a small car with miniature versions of my friends from Ponyville drives by us. As they do, they all blow raspberries at me and drive into an alley.
“We aren’t friends.” I say. “Why did you really come here?”
“Um… Oh yeah! I meant Rainbow Dash wanted me to check up on you!” He says as he pokes his first talon claw and lion toe together in a very obvious attempt to seem innocent.
I sigh heavily and lean forward. “Discord, you really are a terrible liar.” I remark in a tone devoid of amusement and give him a cold stare. “Just tell me why you came all this way to see me. Is this another prank?”
“No! No.” Discord starts to sweat a bit before conceding and deflating a small bit. He even made a balloon sound… somehow... “Okay, you caught me… ” He admits. “The truth is… I just want to be friends… You see, I-”
I cut him off. “Says the lizard-deer-goat dude who turned my room into a pumpkin for a Nightmare Night prank. Some of my clothes are still stained.”
“Exactly!” He almost yells. “You’re not livid about it! You don’t seem like you want to punch me!”
“I don’t. I just want you to not do that.” I say honestly.
“Exactly again! You’re one of the most interesting creatures I’ve ever come across! You see, the truth is… I don’t exactly know how to make a friend… My only true friend is Fluttershy, and that’s mainly because she came to me. I’ve never made a friend on my own before… I don’t know how to approach ponies… I’m only doing it now because nopony we know is around. Every time I thought to try to approach you as a friend, you were either with somepony, or you were in your room. And I was told barging into ponies rooms is rude, so I didn’t want to do that.” He pauses and looks at the table with a frown.
“I just...” Discord continues. “I just didn’t want to embarrass myself and ruin a potential friend… So, Casey, I would like to try being friends.” He smiles then realizes something. “Please?”
I decide to as least give this seemingly sincere Discord a chance. “Okay, prove it.”
Discord smiles then clears his throat, composing himself. “Alright, well, how was your day today?” He asks with a clearly fake smile. He was trying too hard.
“Fine.” I respond. “You know, if I’m gonna be friends with you, I want to be friends with you, not that fake ass smile.”
Discord drops the smile and rubs the back of his head with his lion paw, avoiding eye contact. “Oh, well um, I guess that makes sense. Uh, how are you liking the city?”
“It’s fine. You also don’t have to act interested in my feelings. If you want to be friends, be genuine.” I advise.
Discord lowers his head a bit. “Sound advice, Casey, but I am being genuine. I genuinely want to know how your day went.” He defends. “Like, I heard you had a job interview today. How’d that go?”
“It went fine. My resume was enough to land me the job beforehand, so the interview was just obligatory. I talked to one of my future coworkers. She’s, ahem, rather attractive, so that’s nice.” I decide to give him a few more details. He seems really sincere; It’s not something I normally see in Discord.
Discord smirks a bit. “Oh really? While I’d never delve into that kind of intimacy with another being seriously, I do enjoy watching others delve. Especially when it turns into chaos.” He lets out a chuckle.
I give him a cautious look. “Well, I would appreciate you not turning my potential relationships into chaos.”
“Oh no!” He dismisses that statement with a wave of his taloned arm. “The beauty in observing is not doing anything! It just happens!” He grins madly. “It’s pure natural chaos!”
I smirk slightly at his enthusiasm then look down and check to see that my watch says it’s about half past seven in the evening. I look up to Discord. “Alright, looks like my small break is up. I still gotta find a place to stay.”
Discord looks down and notices your bags. “You still haven’t found a hotel? I would assume you would find one immediately after the interview so you wouldn’t have to lug those things everywhere.” He points to your bags.
“I tried,” I answered. “Ponies either were full, or basically chased me out calling me an ‘animal’. I’m hoping to find a place before nine, but we’ll see. I might just be sleeping under a bridge.” I sigh.
Discord puts his talon up to his beard and strokes it, animatedly thinking. Then he raises his talon, pointing, with an open mouth smile. “Idea!”
I lean back slightly, caution in mind as I say my next words. “What is it?”
Discord stands up to his full height. “You can stay with me!” He says as confetti blasts from out of seemingly nowhere. “I’ll even set up a,” He shudders a bit and murmurs the next word with slight contempt. “...normal... room for you!”
“Well… That works, I guess.” I reply. Not sure if I should thank Celestia or whatever god yet, this is Discord we’re talking about.
“Splendid! I’ll help you get settled.” He closes his eyes and snaps his fingers.
Immediately I was no longer sitting, no longer in Manehattan, and a bit nauseous. Standing next to me is Discord, and in front of us is a seemingly normal red wooden house, but I know better than to assume. I look around a bit and notice that we’re on a floating island connected with wooden and rope bridges to various other floating islands. And the sky, if you can even call it that, looks like someone dropped various shades of blue and purple food coloring in water in front of a black background. The swirling blue and purple nebula-like things surrounded us. It actually looked really pretty.
Discord gestures to his front door and bows. “Please, come on in!” He says as the front door opens.
“Alright.” I make to grab my bags.
“Oh, no, allow me.” Discord offers. He snaps his talon and my bags instantly each have a pair of wings. They flap and rise up, then fly inside the house.
I just shrug and follow them inside with Discord behind me. And as I step inside, things start to make a lot more sense. Well, make sense for Discord. The house looked rather boring from the outside, but the inside is exactly how I imagine his thought process is. Utter chaos.
There is a normal rug on the ground, yes, but the frills on the outside look as though they are having a seizure. There is a couch on the ground as well as a regular looking brown coffee table in what looks like it could be a living room, there doesn’t seem to be anything weird about it, but I decide to keep an eye on it. There is another couch sitting opposite from the normal looking one, but this one looked like a piano where you would sit on the keys and lean against sheet music. Doesn’t look comfortable.
In the corner there is a tree, but it doesn’t have leaves, it has books. In the far side of the room, there appears to be a staircase that leads to the ceiling. Wait, really? Wow, it really does effectively lead to nowhere. And finally, the last thing I can see from just inside the doorway is a recliner chair, but it’s made out of clouds, and floating across the room slowly.
“Well?” Discord gestures around. “What do you think?”
I look around again. “Fuckin’ weird,” I say, getting Discord to smirk. “But I expected nothing less.”
Discord pouts a bit before putting on a determined face. Literally, he takes a determined looking version of his face out from behind his back and slips it on like a mask. “Hmmmm… I’m becoming predictable.”
This earns a light chuckle out of me. I’m starting to like this guy. “Not predictable per say, I just expected the home of a being of chaos to have a home equally as chaotic.”
“Hm… Yes, I suppose that makes sense,” He says before he appears to have a thought. “Oh yes, I forgot!” He snaps his paw and a door appears on a blank place on the wall, but not normally, oh no, this door is perpendicular to the wall it’s on. As if someone just put it there and forgot to move it.
“Uh, Discord, what’s that?” I ask pointing at the odd door placement.
“Why, that’s your room!” He exclaims. “It’s like that so you can go through on either side! It’s genius!”
“Uh huh...” I murmur as I approach the door. I step to the right side of it, facing the front of the door, but with the wall next to me.
I open the door and was greeted with something that looks like it should be in a Portal game. There is no regular door frame, instead there’s just a soft purple glow around the edge of the portal I’m staring into. I see a bed in the room with a nightstand, a lamp, a dresser, and a rug in the center of the floor. There’s even somehow a window that looks out at the aesthetic purple and blue nebula things.
Before I could step in, my winged bags fly past me and land on the bed. They appear to be getting comfortable before settling down and their wings poof off, returning them to my regular bags.
Discord steps behind you and looks inside. “I hope you like it, I truly do. I made it as...” Again, he says the next word with a bit of contempt. “...normal… as I could.”
To say I was impressed was an understatement. Discord can really be an ass sometimes, but if he cares about something, he can be quite nice. And he really seems to want to be friends if he’s deliberately making things normal. “I like it. It is rather basic, but that’s alright, it’s temporary.”
“Wonderful! Now, would you like a tour of the house? I can only assume this place can be confusing to beings not of chaos.” He offered.
“Sure.” I answer. “Gotta know where the food and bathroom is after all.”
“Right this way.” Discord turns around and walks to an entrance to another room right off the living room. “This is the kitchen.” Discord points to a small four seater dining room table with a few standard chairs. “I took the liberty of making some basic things like the dining table and chairs, and a couch and coffee table in the living room... ugh, I’m not saying that word again... not chaotic, that way you will feel a bit more comfortable when you’re here.”
Okay, now I’m shocked. I look at him with an impressed expression.“I’m surprised, Discord. I didn’t expect you to be so accommodating.”
Discord gives a sheepish grin. “Well, you know, I uh… I just didn’t want to mess this up. I'm really trying to be a friend.”
I nod. “Well, you’re doing well so far.”
Discord smiles back before turning and walking towards a red and white striped hallway that appears to be twisting. “Now, on to th-” He stops and looks to the left. Something catches his eye in the kitchen. He walks over to the sink, where next to it, I see a couple stacks of clean dishes. Discord stands in front of the dishes and snaps his paw. The clean dishes poofed away in a flash, only to reappear on the other side of the sink, dirty.
Discord then proceeds to walk back towards the hallway. “Come on Casey, I just a few more places to show you.”
I just smirk at his antics and follow him into the twisting hallway. Thisis some Zelda shit right here. I think. There are several doors on either ‘side’ of the hall, all with varying designs. Discord stops around the middle and gestures to a bright red door with some basic abstract design on it.
“This is the bathroom. I made it mostly not chaotic. I can’t be making everything not chaotic just for you.” He says.
“Fair enough.” I agree.
He gestures towards the end of the hall and points at the door on the end. It was a flat, white, featureless except for a silver door knob, door. “That’s my room, I’m usually in there. If you need anything just ring the door.”
I look at him confused. “Ring the door?”
“Of course! It’s like you’ve never rung a door before.” He says as if it’s the most normal thing in the world, which to him, it probably is.
“Ponies don’t ring doors, and neither do humans. We either ring a doorbell or we knock on a door.” I remind him.
“Oh yes, right… Well, all you do is push on the door. That’ll ring it.” He explains. “Well, that concludes the tour! If I took you on a tour of the whole place, it’d take days. And I don’t have that kind of patience.”
“Do you even have patience?” I ask jokingly.
“Sometimes.” He answers with a wave. “Alright, back to the living room.” He snaps his talon hand and I teleport to the normal looking couch, sitting down.
Moments later Discord teleports himself and his own couch across the coffee table. Then, in another flash of light, a tea set and a few boxes of tea bags appeared on the table. A fire then starts below the teapot. “Care for some tea?” He asks. “I’ve got Ginseng tea,” He opens a box and pulls out a singing tea bag. “Green tea,” He opens another box and this time pulls out a glowing neon green tea bag. “And Oolong tea.” He takes the final box and pulls out a very long tea bag and sets it curled up on the table.
I can’t help but chuckle a bit. “I guess I’ll take the Green tea.”
“Good choice.” He says as he snaps again and the tea set makes my tea before my eyes.
The tea bag is put in the hot water and almost instantly the water is turned into a glowing green liquid. I look at Discord with slight concern at the unnatural color. “Uh, is this safe to drink?”
“Of course! It is Green tea after all.” He assures me.
I take a cautious sip. Yep, that’s Green tea. “Tastes good, thank you.” Then I get reminded of something. “How do I leave when I want to leave? I know you just teleport, but I can’t.”
“Through the front door, naturally.” He says, sipping some of his Oolong tea. The tea bag hanging out of the cup.
“Through your front door is nothing but floating islands and tye dye space.” I deadpan.
“Through the front door is wherever you want it to be! That’s the beauty of chaos magic!” He exclaims. “Go on, try it. Just go to Manehattan.”
“Oh?” I get up and step over to the front door. I imagine and think about the other side being Manehattan, right in front of my new workplace. Then I open the door, only to see Sugarcube Corner. “This is Sugarcube Corner, not Manehattan.” I say and close the door.
“Are you thinking about where you want to go?” Discord asks.
“Yeah, and it didn’t work.” I reply.
He groans in frustration. “Well there’s your problem! Don’t think about it too hard, just go!”
I decide to try again. I’m going to Manehattan. I think, then open the door.
The Crystal Empire. “Didn’t work.” I say as I close the door and turn back to the lounging draconequus.
“I said don’t think about it, Casey. Just go.” He says with slight irritation in his voice.
I figured one last try won’t hurt, so I just went for it, my only thought being ‘I’m going to work’. And sure enough, I just swung the door open mentally prepared for work, and I was there at the plaza. “Huh, alright, I think I get it now.”
I turn to go back, only to find nothing but the nearly empty street with a couple carriages moving at a slower pace than usual. I get a little worried that I won’t be able to get back until Discord flashes next to me.
“Wonderful! You did it, and only on your third try. Impressive.” He says. “Alright, back to the house.” He snaps and the two of us are brought back to the living room, sitting on our respective couches.
That experience gave me another similar thought. “Alright, well that begs the question; How do I get back here on my own?”
“Hmmm…” Discord scratches his chin in thought before he gives that ‘idea’ look again. He smiles and snaps his paw and I was bathed in a white light for a second before it went away. “There, now you can come back any time.”
I look at myself and see no changes. “What did you do?”
“Oh, I just gave you the ability to use a small amount of my Chaos magic.” He states.
I just give him a confused stare. “Discord, I’ve never used any kind of magic before. How do you expect me to use Chaos magic?”
Discord rolls his eyes. “Because Chaos magic isn’t like Harmonious magic, like that stuff unicorns use. With Harmonious magic, you have to focus, train, study, workout and stretch your magical reserves, and a whole bunch of other useless nonsense. And even then, there are many limitations with Harmonious magic. What, with it’s laws of equivalent exchange, among other things that bore me too much to get into.
“But Chaos magic,” He giggles. “It’s like an all you can eat buffet! Do whatever you feel like, forgo meaningless laws of magic, and it takes no effort! You just use it like you would your arms or legs!”
“So, it’s basically like your door, only with anything?” I ask.
“Precisely!” Discord exclaims. “Here, let’s try it out!” He snaps his paw and the two of us are standing in the currently dark and empty streets of Canterlot. “Now, get us home.”
“Uhhhh… So, I just, as you say, ‘do it’?” I feel unsure about attempting to use magic at all, let alone Chaos magic.
Discord just nods. “Oh, and also, since you’re just channeling my magic and it’s not coming from within, you’ll need to use something as a switch or catalyst. Since my Chaos magic comes from within me, I can simply make things happen with a thought.” He explains. “Just go with snapping your fingers, it’s very satisfying.”
“Wait, how an I even able to use magic?” I ask. “Twilight said magic didn't work on me.”
Discord shakes his head. “One of those ridiculous rules and restrictions Harmonious magic has.”
“Alright...” I hold my hand up, ready to snap. “Just like the door?” Discord nods. “Okay...” I’m going to Discord’s house. I snap my fingers. And sure enough, we flash away and back into the living room in Discord’s house.
“Huh, well that sure is a thing.” I suddenly feel slightly winded and begin to pant a bit. “Woah… I feel tired as fuck.”
“Obviously. I mean, you did teleport us to another dimension. It may be my magic, but it’s your effort, even if I did help you do it. The direction of the magic was all you, but I just helped you push through. If you tried doing that on your own the first time, you probably would’ve passed out. You’ll feel alright in the morning.” Discord says as he snaps away the tea. “So, you might want to teleport onto your bed the next few tries until you get used to it.”
“Gotcha.” Feeling exhausted, I check my watch only to find the hands moving around randomly.
“Uh, what’s with my watch?” I look at Discord, who just looks back like I’m an idiot. “Oh right, chaos dimension… Say, would you mind giving me a working clock synced to Manehattan so I can know when it’s day or night?”
Discord snaps his talon. “There, that should do it.” He lays back on his couch.
I get up and walk over to my weird perpendicular door. I open it and peer inside to see a large analog clock ticking away. But it doesn’t look like a regular analog clock, It’s face seems to be made of the night sky, and it had only one hand extending both ways, one end the sun, and the other the moon. The dual hand was almost perfectly straight up with the moon making its way to the top, where there was a red indicator that pinpointed the top of the clock. Not precise, but useful nonetheless.
I turn back to Discord. “Night, fam,” I say. “And thanks for letting me stay here.” Discord gives a smile and I walk into my room and shut the door.
Discord then groans. “Oh, this is too much work, being nice. I can’t keep this up forever. Friendship is hard.”
I open my door, having heard that, and say. “I told you, if we’re going to be friends, be yourself. I hate fake personalities.”
“Oh, just go to bed, can’t you see I’m wallowing here?” Discord snarks.
I let out a chuckle. “There you go.” I say then close my door. What a day… I think as I climb in bed and fall asleep.
“Rise and shine, Casey!” are the words that awake me as I feel a large amount of water being dumped on me. My eyes shoot open and I roll off of my bed in surprise. I look up to see a floating bucket and a smiling Discord.
I lay face down on the floor and groan. “Literally why the fuck did you do that, Discord?” I ask in irritation, voice muffled by the floor.
The draconequus ignores my irritation and snaps the bucket away as well as the water in my bed and clothes, drying both. “It’s morning, and I didn’t want you to sleep in too much.” He says.
I look up to the window and see nothing but blackness and the demonic cousin of Aurora Borealis. “Wha- oh right…” I sit up and face the draconequus. “I assume this place doesn’t have morning?”
“Please, day and night cycles are so boring!” Discord says, waving his claw.
I sigh, then chuckle a bit. “Alright, well, I don’t have anything to do today. So, why’d you wake me up?”
“On the contrary, Casey!” Discord says. He snaps his paw and we both teleport to the living room. “I’ve got plans for us today!”
Confused, I look up to him. “Why would you of all people have plans?”
“Who says the Spirit of Chaos can’t have plans?” Discord asks, feigning offence.
I look up at him and cross my arms. “Literally the title?” I ask rhetorically. “Seriously, what’s up?”
“Well, uh,” Discord starts, “Fluttershy told me the best way to make friends was to, uh...” He shifts around a bit. “Do things together?” he finishes with an unsure smile.
I take a moment to think. “Uh, alright I guess.” I say. “I’m in. What’s the plan?”
“Bowling!” He shouts excitedly.
“Bowling?” I ask, surprised at the seemingly normal activity. “Regular bowling?”
He scoffs. “Of course not regular bowling. We’re going to play Chaos Bowling! It’s an invention of mine that I like to play with Fluttershy sometimes when she comes over for our tea parties.” Okay, if I’m being honest, that really does sound like fun.
I nod in understanding. “Alright, I’m interested. How does it work?”
Discord’s smile grows. “Oh wonderful!” he exclaims, clapping his paw and claw together. “So it works like this,” He snaps his claw and, after a quick flash of light that temporarily blinded me, we were standing on a small-ish, grassy floating island outside his house.
The oval shaped island is about fifty feet long and twenty feet wide and has what I immediately recognized as a bowling lane starting at the center and extending to the end of the island. It has the arrows and everything. I notice a shimmering red ring hovering slightly above my eye level about another thirty feet past the end of the lane. Inside the ring there are ten bowling pins, but they appear to be shifting, moving, and bending. In the space between the pins and the edge of the island, there are pink clouds spinning around, creating a large kind of cylinder leading to the pins. Every now and then one of the clouds would cross from one side of the cylinder to the other. Overall, it’s very neat looking, but leaves me confused.
“Alright, rule number one,” Discord starts as glasses appear on his face and a chalkboard appears next to him. I wait for a few seconds before his glasses and the chalkboard explode. “There are no rules!”
I chuckle slightly. “Makes sense. So how do we play?”
Discord smiles then whistles. Then from the ground beside the lane, a tube pops up angled towards us. The tube starts making noise before a blue object flies out of it and flies towards Discord. He catches it and points to the tube. “Here comes yours.”
I turn back to the tube and see a red object fly out of it and towards me. “Oh shit!” I exclaim and catch the object with both hands and my chest. It feels like it has a good amount of weight to it, but after the impact, I notice it feels lighter. I take a look at it and saw that it’s some kind of cross between a regular bowling ball and a paper airplane. It had the same marble-like design as a regular bowling ball, but it looked like it ate a paper airplane. I hold it up with one hand and it started to float upwards slowly, as if it’s completely weightless. I look up and notice that Discord’s was the same way, just blue instead of red.
Discord steps up the the start of the bowling lane and looks at me. “Now, to play, all you have to do is throw your Bowlane at the pins, avoid the obstacles, and hit as many pins as possible. Like so,” He holds up his ball-plane, which I now know he calls a ‘Bowlane’, and closes one eye to aim it. He even comically sticks his tongue out in concentration. He then begins running down the lane rearing back the limb with the Bowlane in preparation to throw it.
He gets about six feet away from the edge before throwing. The thing sails right through the center of the cylinder of pink clouds. But right before it’s about to hit the pins, a cloud drifts from the outside in an attempt to cross. The Bowlane collides with the edge of the cloud and flies off course, just barely scraping the edge of the ring.
Discord stomps the ground. “Ponyfeathers!” He turns and walks back over to the start of the lane, his arms crossed in frustration.
He whistles again and a blue Bowlane shoots out of the tube. And with a determined look, he catches it and aims quickly before running again and throwing it. It flies straight down the center of the cylinder, taking the same path it took before.
The Bowlane makes it halfway down before one of the pink clouds darkens to a nice purple and fires a bolt of lightning, making Discord’s Bowlane explode into shrapnel.
Discord looks on in horror as his Bowlane explodes. His face then turns red and stomps the ground again, making the whole island shake slightly. “What the BUCK?! HOW?!”
After he calms down, he walks back over to where I was standing. While my mind was telling me to not say anything, the larger part of me decided to do just that. “‘Like so’, huh?” I ask with a smirk on my face.
He flashes me a fiery glare before sighing and calming down. “Well let’s see you do better.” He says with an arrogant smirk. He snaps and a giant score sheet along with an equally giant marker appear and hover to the left of the lane. The marker floats over and jots down his score under his name. He then gestures for me to take my turn. “Go on, show me how it’s done.”
“Alright, alright.” I say, approaching the lane. I hold the Bowlane as best I can, but it’s really awkward to hold. I eventually settle on holding it from the bottom with both hands and my thumbs reaching towards the back of it.
I hold it in front of my face, looking over it with one eye to aim it. Satisfied, I begin running down the lane. I throw the Bowlane with both hands straight down the cylinder, well, mostly straight. It’s veering to the top left a bit. I stand there expecting the same thing that happened to Discord to happen to me, only for it to not happen. Instead it actually hits one of the outer pins, causing it to explode violently into smaller pins that hit the other pins, causing them to explode at well. Soon I was left with three pins left in the circle. Unfortunately they were all spread apart.
But I still hit the pins on my first try, which made me happy considering Discord’s first try wasn’t as fortunate. I walk over to the start of the lane, turn to Discord and give him an arrogant smirk. “Was that better?” I ask in feign confusion.
Discord just narrows his eyes before flashing me an evil smirk. “So that’s how it’s gonna be? Well, Casey, you’re on.” He maintains his grin as he uses his claw to whistle, sending my Bowlane at me.
I catch it with ease this time. Still smiling, I look up at Discord. “Let the game begin, old man.”
Feeling as determined as ever, I raise my Bowlane to take my aim. I glance over to Discord and notice that he’s looking between the five remaining pins, me, and the score sheet. He’s biting his nails, making the pieces fly to the sides comically. I smile at his nervousness. This game is mine I think. My current score is one-hundred-ninety-eight, while his is two-hundred-two. So, while I’m losing right now, if I hit all five of the remaining pins, I win.
About halfway through, we were tied, so we decided to make things a bit more interesting. We made a bet that, in hindsight, was probably very stupid of me, but it’s made this game incredibly fun. We bet that whoever loses, would owe the winner a favor that they could cash in at any time. I realize that making such a loose deal with the literal Spirit of Chaos is basically like making a deal with the devil, but I’m feeling cocky.
I look back, continue aiming, begin running, and throw. I stand there, watching the red Bowlane sail through the air, heading straight towards the group of five pins as they hover around, warping as if they were stuck inside a funhouse mirror.
Just as my hopes start to solidify into certainty, I notice one of the pink clouds fade to purple. The purple lightning strikes my Bowlane, shattering it, as well as my hopes, into thousands of pieces.
I just stand there, mouth agape, as I get showered with the Bowlane shrapnel. “Oh fuck… What have I gotten myself into...” I ask silently. I hear Discord celebrating behind me.
“YES! I won!” he shouts as he dances in place. “Discord, Lord of Chaos, and champion of Chaos Bowling!” Confetti bursts out from the ground, making it rain various colors across the island.
I regain my composure and walk over to the still dancing draconequus. I sigh, ready to get this over with. “Alright, what’s the favor?”
Discord looks down at me. “Well, I don’t have to redeem my favor right now, do I?” he asks with a smile.
“Well, no… I just thought I’d ask to try to get this over with as quickly as possible.” I answer honestly.
“Oh don’t worry, Casey.” He pats my head condescendingly with his paw. “I’ll make sure my favor won’t harm your mortal self.”
I give a deadpan expression as he pats my head. “Gee, thanks...”
Discord tilts my head up with his talon. “Oh come on, don’t be like that. Let’s go back inside and get some food.” He snaps and again I wince at the light as we’re teleported inside. As I regain my sight, I hear Discord gasp. “Oooh! I have a better idea! Let’s go out for lunch!”
I ponder for a second before answering. “Sounds gucci to me,” I say, “Got any place in mind?”
Discord taps his chin in thought. “Well, I was going to suggest Sugarcube Corner, but now that I think about it, we’ve got a whole new city to explore!” He pops a brochure into his paw, opens it and begins looking it over. I notice on the front it read ‘Manehattan: A Visitor’s Guide’.
“Well, what looks good?” I ask.
“Nothing, but that’s to be expected from ponies.” he says as he tosses the brochure behind him. It lands in a trash can that appears right under it before disappearing. “Let’s just walk around and find something. Well, you’ll walk, I’ll just fly. Walking is so overrated.”
“Sounds good to me.” I say, “I’m ready whenever you are.”
Discord nods and heads towards his front door, throwing it open to reveal a Manehattan sidewalk. I follow behind him as he steps out. As I look around, I notice nearly everypony was looking at us, some with fright, likely at the fact they they’re looking at Discord, while others wore curious expressions.
True to his word, he floats up a few feet and lays on his stomach mid air, looking at me. “Lead the way, Casey.”
“Alright. I don’t exactly know this city, like, at all. So don’t blame me if we don’t find something immediately.” I say as a disclaimer.
“Oh no worries, Casey, I’m sure we’ll find something in this city.” he says, floating up beside me as we begin making our way down the sidewalk.
“Are we there yet?” Discord whines as he floats next to me on his back, wearing a sleeping mask.
I sigh. “One, I don’t know where we’re going. And two, we’ve only been walking for ten minutes.”
“What?!” Discord exclaims, startling a few ponies around us. “It feels like it’s been ten hours!”
I look at him with a raised eyebrow. “You don’t wait often, do you?”
“Waiting is for ponies who can’t do literally anything!” He says, “I knew I should’ve just made lunch myself. I could really go for a plate of steel and grease nachos, maybe add some iron shavings, no, aluminum shavings...” I just shake my head and continue walking, looking around for a restaurant that catches my attention.
Then I see it. A restaurant with a name so punny, I can’t not stop for it. Filli’s. It had a red silhouette of a filly as its logo. It was literally Chilli’s.
“There.” I start, pointing at Filli’s. “Found a place.”
Discord looks in the direction I’m pointing, squinting his eyes. “There? It doesn’t exactly look high class… Remember Casey, we can go anywhere.”
“It reminds me of home.” I answer, not looking away from Filli’s.
Discord looks at me confused. “My house?”
“No.”
“Twilight’s castle?”
“No.”
“Well now you’ve lost me.” he says, crossing his arms.
I turn and look at him in his yellow eyes as he gives me a confused look. “Earth.” I say simply before returning my gaze to the restaurant. “My home.”
His eyes widen slightly in realization and he unfolds his arms. “Oh...”
We both stay silent for a few seconds until Discord becomes bored and snaps his claw, lifting me up with his magic. “Well, that’s enough moping for now. Let’s go on in and eat, shall we?”
I give a sigh then a small smile. “Alright... By the way, I can still walk.”
“Yes, yes, of course.” he says, waving his claw, dismissing his magical hold. I land on my feet and we walk through the front door.
