This is an unofficial fanfictional companion to the comic "No-Clop November" by Frist, sidekick, and Kribbles, written with permission. The comic can be found on Tumblr and Derpibooru. Please support the artists and join in on voting for who will (or won't) be making it to the grand prize!
She stared for so long in fact that she was starting to receive stares herself from people passing.
In hindsight, standing in front of her old high school gawking at a piece of yellowed parchment she picked up off the ground probably wasn’t the best way to avoid that.
But really, there was little other reaction she could have offered, that was just how stunned she was.
“Yo, Sunnybuns!”
Sunset Shimmer snapped out of her daze. The raspy, high-pitched voice was right in front of her, and as she looked up she found its owner, Rainbow Dash, dressed head to toe in jogging sweats and giving her a raised eyebrow and an amused smile from under a wide-brimmed baseball cap with “COACH” printed on it in huge block letters. “Oh, hey Rainbow Dash,” she responded, swiftly smiling back. “Didn’t see you there.”
“You wouldn’t have, I wasn’t a second ago,” she bragged, fingering a chain around her neck that disappeared under her sweatshirt but, Sunset was sure, ended with a particular magical pendant attached to it.
“Heh, well, super speed or no, I probably wouldn’t have noticed you anyway,” Sunset admitted with a chuckle. “I was kinda off in my own world for a minute.”
“I could tell, you haven’t even changed out of your work duds.”
“Oh, right, that.” Sunset glanced down at herself, indeed still dressed in the sea-green uniform of a sushi waitress, right down to a skirt that was far too short to be wearing outside in late October. “Yeah, I kind of rushed out the second I was off. Had to make it here ASAP.”
“‘Here’ as in CHS?” Rainbow asked. “The heck for? Got an interview for a teaching gig?”
“Puh, I wish.” Sunset rolled her eyes. “The only positions that’ve opened in the last five years were, well, yours, and when Mister Doodle retired. And he taught history. I know Principal Celestia likes me now and all, but I don’t think she trusts someone raised on pony history to teach human history.”
“Yeah, good point,” Rainbow nodded along. “So what’s up, then?”
Sunset hesitated briefly, wondering if this was the sort of thing she wanted to share just yet. It was pretty outlandish, at least by human standards. But it was only a brief pause. She knew she could tell her friends anything, and if she accepted the offer in front of her, they’d certainly want to know why she’d abruptly be absent for upwards of the next month…
“Well,” she began, “I got this really quick scribbled note in my journal the other day from Twilight - Princess Twilight, that is, obviously - telling me to be by the portal about ten minutes ago, because she was going to send me a letter. No idea why she didn’t just write it in the journal, or step through the portal and talk to me in person, but whatever, I assumed she had a reason. So I showed up, and found this just popping through.” Sunset held up the piece of parchment as she finished, offering it to Rainbow Dash. “Turns out it’s an invitation.”
“Oh yeah?” Rainbow answered, taking it curiously, and beginning to read.
Dear Sunset Shimmer, You are hereby cordially invited to participate in the second annual Ponyville No-Clop November Challenge. Details follow. Due to your special circumstances re: current residence, you are also further invited to stay at the palace of friendship until the end of the challenge. Please RSVP at your earliest convenience, but no later than October 31st, by return scroll. Yours truly, Twilight Sparkle
“No-Clop November?” Rainbow echoed, pausing her reading to scratch her head. “The heck is that? Do you have to like, not walk around for a month or something?”
Sunset chuckled helplessly. “Actually, it’s a crude pony slang term for masturbating.”
“Oh. Okay, so you basically swap in clop for fap, got it. Wait…” Rainbow trailed off, her eyes widening as she unfurled the rest of the scroll and continued reading the detailed rules. “So you have to not whack off--”
“Or have sex.”
“Or have sex?!” Rainbow echoed. “For an entire month?!” She looked up from the scroll to goggle at Sunset Shimmer. “Why in the hell would you agree to something that insanely stupid?”
“Read the last line.”
Rainbow’s eyes whipped back to the scroll, reading aloud this time. “‘Everyone who successfully endures to the end of the month will receive the grand prize of--’” Rainbow froze and did an impressive imitation of Fluttershy as she squeaked her next words, “‘…an o-orgy with all their fellow winners to satisfy their pent-up cravings?!’”
“Heh… eeeeyup.” Sunset smiled sheepishly. “Hell of a pitch, isn’t it?”
“I’ll say! Holy jesus… I kinda wanna get in on this!”
“Unfortunately, it looks like this one’s by invite only,” Sunset confessed. “Sorry, Dash.”
“Bah, lame!” she scoffed, thrusting the letter back in Sunset’s face.
Sunset snickered. “If it makes you feel any better, I doubt you could accept even if you were invited. I can take time off work, sushi season’s slow, but you’re right in the thick of the school year, Coach Dash. You can’t vanish off to Equestria for a month.”
“Yeah yeah, don’t rub it in,” Rainbow grunted. “In that case, maybe we’ll just have start our own No-Fap November!”
Sunset smirked. “With blackjack, and a distinct lack of hookers?”
“Shut up.” Rainbow gave her a glare without any real bite to it, swiftly morphing it into a smile. “So, you gonna do it, then?”
“Yeah, sure, why not.” Sunset shrugged. “I don’t have anything better to do. Could be fun.”
Rainbow elbowed her ribs. “Could be real fun, eh? Eh?”
Sunset hastily batted Rainbow’s arm away. “Haha, well, I dunno, it says teasing and sabotaging each other is totally allowed, so I might not make it to the end. But honestly I’m just happy they thought of me. Aaaand if I do make it, well…”
Rainbow snickered. “Bow-chicka-wow-wow?”
“Heh, something like that. I wonder who else is in on this…”
“Well, you won’t find out ‘til you throw in, right?”
“Guess not.”
At that, Sunset tore off the bottom few inches of the parchment, which Twilight had conveniently left blank, and scribbled a brief note on it before folding it up and flicking it through the portal.
“…So, second annual, huh?” Rainbow mused. “Wonder how the first one went?”
“I’m sure Twi will fill me in before I go,” Sunset replied. “One thing’s for sure, telling the rest of the girls is gonna be… interesting…”
---
On the other side of the mirror portal, a strangely aerodynamic slip of parchment flew through the air and bopped an anxious Twilight Sparkle square in the muzzle. Hastily she snatched it out of the air in a burst of magenta magic, unfolded it, and read the best two words she’d heard all day.
“You are cordially invited… details follow. Blah blah blah, invited to stay, blah blah blah…..RSVP blah blah.” Princess Cadence giggled softly as she read the letter in her hooves. “Oh Twily, so formal.”
“Yeah, that sounds like her, alright,” her husband agreed, kissing the back of her neck and hugging her from behind.
“Oh gosh, she even wrote out ‘Shining Armor’ in the header instead of ‘Shiny’ or ‘BBBFF.’ That’s how you know she really overdid it.”
Cadence giggled back and sighed contently. The married pair were reclining in bed sharing a lazy, uneventful day together, though the arrival of Twilight’s letter had most certainly changed the mood. Even though they had both lost out on the grand prize orgy last year, they’d still had a ton of sexy fun losing together, and just the memory of those nights were enough to leave the both of them feeling feisty in a matter of seconds.
“So, we’re playing again this year, right babe?” Shining asked.
Cadence nodded rapidly. “Oh, duh, of course.”
“Hah, good. I really think I can make it to the end this year. I came pretty close last time, if I do say so myself.”
“Hehe, you certainly did better than me, at least.”
Shining smirked. “Well, that’s not saying much, Mrs. ‘First Loser.’ How long did you last, five days? Six?”
“Shush you,” Cadence said, pouting and batting his hoof off her.
“Heh, sorry.” Shining swiftly replaced his hoof, and Cadence let it stay this time. “Mmm… so we’re still okay with, you know, if only one of us makes it?”
“Of course, dear. That is the name of the game, after all.”
“Awesome. ‘Cause, uh, I have to admit, Twily has some pretty sexy friends…”
Cadence giggled furiously. “Oh, don’t I know it! Pinkie Pie seems like she’d be oodles of fun in bed. And I hear Rarity still has her eyes out for a prince…”
Shining grinned wider. “Hey, I’m one of those!”
“And of course, Twily and I aren’t the only Princesses who’ll be there…”
Shining shuddered pleasantly. “Mmhh… we should go see how Sunburst feels about being a foalsitter for a while.”
“You know Flurry will insist she doesn’t need a foalsitter.”
“Yeah, well, once she hits her teen years maybe we’ll revisit that conversation,” Shining said with a chuckle, hopping out of bed to walk down the hall. Sunburst’s door was closed, oddly, and it wasn’t until Shining knocked and heard only echoes that he finally noticed a short note pinned to the crystaller’s door. Curiously he plucked it down and read:
Gone to visit Starlight in Ponyville. Be back soon.
Shining’s eyes widened. “Uh… honey? You might wanna see this.”
Cadence trotted out to meet him, read the note over his shoulder, and found herself grinning. “Oh… oh dear. You don’t think…?”
“Yeah. I think we’re gonna need to find a new foalsitter…”
---
At first, Starlight Glimmer felt lucky.
All of her best friends, new and old - Trixie, Maud Pie, Sunburst, Thorax, even Discord - Twilight had allowed her to invite them all this year for the big challenge. Last year had been an absolute blast even without them, and the thought of having all her friends join in this time was a dream come true. Sure, they might not all make it to the end of November for the orgy, in fact statistically speaking at least half of them wouldn’t, potentially herself included, but still. It was her very own circle of friends, just like Twilight had her girls, her elements of harmony, and she was elated to be able to include them.
At least until reality set in.
Specifically, the reality that she now had to actually invite them all to the thing.
“Is this a joke?”
Starlight gulped and offered shaky smile to the rest of the castle of friendship’s dining room, where all five of her aforementioned friends were gathered, staring at her with varying levels of bewilderment.
Suddenly, she felt more cursed than lucky.
Maaaaaaybe gathering them together to tell them all at once hadn’t been the best of ideas.
“Ahem… no, Sunburst, it’s not a joke,” Starlight began, fighting the crimson in her cheeks as she eyes her oldest friend and met his shocked stare. “I’m being serious, it’s completely real.”
More silence followed, and Starlight swore she could have heard a pin drop if her heart weren’t beating so fast. Stars above, even going a whole month without getting herself off hadn’t been this difficult.
Then finally, finally something happened.
Unfortunately, it was only Discord bursting out in a fit of riotous, unrestrained laughter.
“Ahahaha! Ahahahahahahahahahaha! Ahhhhhh… oh, oh my goodness, just when I was starting to think you ponies had gotten boring again, you drop this bombshell!” Discord managed between wheezing breaths. “Well done, Starlight Glimmer, well done indeed!”
“Er… thanks? I think?” Starlight smiled cautiously.
“…Well, if it is a joke, at least someone thinks it’s funny,” Trixie muttered.
“It’s not a joke,” Maud and Thorax said at the same time.
“Wait, how do you two know that?” Trixie wondered aloud.
“My sisters and I tried to make Pinkie Pie lose last year,” Maud deadpanned. “It didn’t work very well. Limestone lost her favorite pillow. The stain wouldn’t come out no matter how many times she washed it.”
“…Gross.”
“They invited my mom last time,” Thorax added, rolling his eyes in vague annoyance. “She was apparently a winner, too. That wasn’t weird to hear about or anything.”
“In my defense, the first year was experimental, and that one wasn’t my call,” Starlight swore.
“Be enlightening to hear whose call it was…”
“Hold on now, just one moment, you did this last year too?” Discord said, a look of mock offense plastered on his face. “And just where was I for all this?!”
“I… don’t know?” Starlight shrugged. “I didn’t even know you hadn’t heard about it. I assumed Fluttershy would have mentioned it to you, at least, since she was playing.”
A chill shot through the room, making everyone shiver as Discord abruptly went silent, his face morphing into a suspicious glare and a half-snarl. “Fluttershy was playing this game? My Fluttershy?”
Starlight frowned a bit. “Okay, easy on the possessiveness, big guy, she’s a grown mare, she can play if she wants to-”
Before Starlight could blink Discord was in her face with fire in his eyes. “Which of you laid your hooves on her?!”
Starlight held up her hooves defensively. “No one! She lost!”
“…What? Lost?”
“Yes! Really early, actually! She lasted like a week! The only one who gave in faster was Princess Cadence!”
“…Oh.” Discord swiftly retreated from Starlight’s muzzle and calmly coiled back up into his chair. “Well, that’s better, then.” He paused for the briefest of moments. “Wait, no it’s not! She lost?! My Fluttershy lost?! Inexcusable! Rigged! This contest is rigged!”
Starlight rolled her eyes. “Hey, take it up with her, not me. No one forced her to--…well.”
“Hmph! Well then, I’ll just have to make sure she has a good friend around this time to help keep each other honest.”
“Yeah, good luck with that…”
“S-so, um… y-you also did this last year, Starlight?” Sunburst stammered.
Starlight flushed a bit deeper. “Well, erm… yes. I did.”
“Oh. How, uh… how did you… do?”
The battle was lost now, Starlight’s whole face was bright red. “Ah, well, I, um… that is, I was… one of the, you know… winners…”
Thankfully Sunburst, at least, was matching her blush for blush, probably picturing exactly what that new information entailed, so at least she wasn’t alone. “O-oh. Oh wow…” he mumbled, suddenly pulling his cloak tighter around his midsection.
“And you’re seriously inviting all of us this time?” Trixie asked, starting to blush herself.
“Well… yeah,” Starlight confirmed. “Twilight wanted me to hand out these way-too-formal RSVP letters, actually, but… well, I just… thought it would be better to invite you all personally. You’re all my best friends. Yes, even you, Discord. I… want to include you this time around.”
The table fell silent again for a moment as they all considered the offer, and Starlight briefly wished she had fingers to cross.
“I’ll play.”
Starlight gasped in relief and looked up at Maud. “Really?”
Maud blinked and shrugged almost imperceptibly. “Sure. Pinkie said it was fun. You said it’s fun. I trust you both. I’ll play.”
“Heh, great!” Starlight smiled warmly, shifting her gaze to the next pony in line. “Trixie?”
“…Well, as your best friend, Trixie would be remiss if she rejected such a heartfelt offer. So… yes. Trixie accepts your invitation.”
“I-I’ll play too!” Sunburst said in a rush, giving her an awkward smile. “It sounds… fun!”
“I suppose I’ll join as well, if only to make sure Fluttershy receives a fair chance this time,” Discord said in his snootiest tone, his nose upturned.
Starlight giggled, feeling lighter by the moment. “Heh, great… and, Thorax? It’s down to you.”
Thorax snorted softly. “Anything Chrysalis can do, I can do better. I’m in.”
Starlight beamed, her heart soaring and her loins tingling as she spun and trotted for the door. “Alright then, it’s settled! In that case, if everypony could follow me… hehe, we have a lot of new names to add to the registration…”
In the confines of a decades-old clubhouse that was these days more of a private bar-slash-sex shack, three young mares with matching cutie marks sat in a circle facing one another with intense expressions.
“Okay, girls. Let’s face facts: we fell short last year.”
“Way short.”
“Some of us comically so.”
“Screw you.”
“Ah bet you wanted to.”
“Girls! Focus! Now listen. We’ve got to do better this time, all of us.”
“Easy for you to say, you almost made it, Sweetie.”
“Yeah, if’n ya hadn’t bucked it up with knocking out Big Mac you probably woulda made it.”
“I didn’t think Spike would retaliate that hard!”
“Dude, bro code is some sacred shit to them. I wouldn’t be surprised if they aim to knock you out first this year.”
“W-what? They can’t still be mad about that! They wouldn’t!”
“They might.”
“C’mon, don’t scare her like that, Scootaloo, Nightmare Night ain’t til tomorrow.”
“Just saying. Plus, the crusaders’ ranks are gonna be smaller this time around. Support’s gonna be down a bit.”
“Oh, yeah, dang, Ah wish Babs coulda made it this year.”
“Eh, I dunno, it’s probably for the best. I mean, she made me lose right next to her.”
“Oh yeah…”
“Besides, if anypony needs to be better this year it’s you, Bloom, you just up and quit all on your own.”
“Ah did not! Applejack went an’ accosted me--”
“Pfft, don’t feed me that line again, you totally let it happen.”
“Look, shut up, both of you, it doesn’t matter! None of that matters! This year we’re gonna do better! All of us! Together! We are gonna do everything in our power to prop each other up, cool each other down, and carry each other to the finish line, because by Celestia, I am going to taste Spike’s dick this year if it’s the last thing I ever do!”
“…Wow, Ah guess we know what she’s after.”
“Still.”
“Quiet! Now are you all with me?”
“Oh, well yeah, duh.”
“A’course, jeez, calm down Sweetie, it’s just a little friendly riffing.”
“Okay. Good. Alright then! Crusaders, together!”
Three spit-shined hooves clapped together and shook, and the three mares swiftly put their heads together to formulate a plan.
---
“Well, Rainbow, I’ve got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?”
“Uhh… whichever, I don’t care,” Rainbow Dash muttered distractedly. She was currently writhing on the floor of her living room with her head propped up against her couch cushions, her wings stretched out to her sides and one hoof buried between her thighs, swirling gratuitously. “Ffffuck, that’s good…”
“…Are you sure you don’t want me to come back later?”
“Hey, you said it was a good idea to work it out of my system as much as I can before we get started! Well, I’ve got a lot to work out, I don’t care if somepony sees!”
“Uh-huh.”
“Look, egghead, I’m listening, okay? I swear. Just spit it out already. Start with the bad news, I guess.”
Twilight Sparkle clicked her tongue in disapproval, tapping quill to clipboard in her magic. “Fine. The bad news is, Spitfire replied and says she can’t come this year.”
“Oh, what?!” Rainbow shouted, leaping to her hooves and jabbing the messy one at Twilight. “Weak! Why not?!”
Twilight rolled her eyes, but smiled; at least that had gotten her to stop. “She wanted to, she really did, but apparently, three other Wonderbolts are on the invite list, and she can’t let too many core members take time off all at once. So she’s staying behind this time so the rest of you can have fun.”
“Aww, lame…” Rainbow pouted. “I really wanted her to--…” Rainbow froze and gave Twilight a side-eye. “Wait, what was that last part?”
“That last part was the good news. Your other two invitees are confirmed for attending.”
As if on cue there was a knock on Rainbow’s door, and without waiting for an invitation, Twilight smirked and pulled it open.
Rainbow yelped and hastily wiped her hoof clean behind the couch. “S-Soarin! Thunderlane! Hey!”
“Hey, Crash!” Soarin answered, smiling and trotting inside alongside Thunderlane, both stallions still decked out in full Wonderbolt attire. “Not late, are we?”
“Not at all,” Twilight answered. “You’ve still got all of Nightmare Night to relax before we get started.”
“Awesome,” Thunderlane said, idly sniffing the air. “…Huh, hey, that scent… is that--?”
“Rainbow Dash, yes,” Twilight confirmed. “She was just enjoying herself.”
“Twilight! Shut up!” Rainbow hissed.
Twilight smirked at her. “What? I thought you didn’t care if somepony saw?”
Rainbow ground her teeth and seethed.
“Haha, it’s cool, Crash,” Soarin assured her. “Sounds like good strategy, actually! Get it done while you can! Maybe all of us should, uh…?”
“As a matter of fact,” Twilight cut in, “if you’d all like to stop back at the castle with me before you, ah, ‘help yourselves,’ I’m actually going to need to require it.”
Rainbow’s anger vanished. “…Say what.”
Twilight gave her a cryptic smile. “You’ll see.”
The other three ponies all looked at each other confusedly, but Twilight didn’t elaborate, and instead flew off out Rainbow’s front door toward her castle.
“So, uh. Should we follow her?” Thunderlane asked, eyeing Soarin.
“After a smile like that? I’m kinda scared to.”
“…Don’t worry guys, it’s just Twilight,” Rainbow assured the boys. “I’m… eighty percent sure it’s something harmless.”
“What do you think she meant, then?”
“What, about wanting us to get ourselves off before we start?”
“I dunno,” Rainbow admitted, and then gave them both a playful smile. “Buuuuut, maybe once we find out, can help each other out with it…”
Both boys perked up instantly.
“I could go for that.”
“Me too.”
Rainbow grinned wide. “Well alright then! Let’s go catch up to the egghead!”
The three pro fliers stepped outside with a shared nod and a few hoof-bumps, and in a matter of seconds they were a flashy blur across Ponyville’s skyline, leaving a very irritated purple princess in their dust.
A shrill whistle announced the arrival of the four o’clock train from Appleoosa, making Big Macintosh’s ears perk up and his lips curl into a smile.
Finally.
“There he is!” Applejack announced from beside him, pointing across the platform. Sure enough, their cousin Braeburn was trotting swiftly toward them through the small disembarking crowd, one hoof planted firmly over his stetson to keep it from flying off in the late October winds and exposing his unruly blond mane.
“Applejack! Big Mac!” he greeted his cousins, briefly throwing his hooves around them both. “Hooooo-wheee, it’s been too long!”
“Eeeyup,” Mac agreed, grabbing his cousin’s bag in his teeth and tossing it up onto his back with an almost effortless flick of his neck.
“Heh, thanks there, Big Mac. And thanks fer lettin’ me stay with ya fer a while, cousins!”
“Ain’t no trouble at all!” Applejack assured him. “Twi wanted everypony ta stay at the castle fer the month, but when it came ta family Ah just had ta put mah hoof down.”
“Haha, well thanks, Jackie, really appreciate it. Big ol’ castle like that’s probably a bit too drafty fer me anyhow.”
“Eeeyup.”
“So how ‘bout this contest, eh?” he said, an excited grin blossoming on his muzzle. “Sure am glad y’all invited me, sounds like one hay of a way to spend a month!”
“It’s sure somethin’ alright,” Applejack said with a chuckle.
“How’d y’all do last year?” Braeburn asked, looking toward Macintosh and jabbing his flank with an elbow. “Did ya stud a room full’a mares through the floor, eh? Eh?”
Mac flushed and sighed. “Eeeenope…”
Applejack couldn’t help but laugh. “Poor fella got teased out late into it by one o’ Apple Bloom’s friends. Cold-blooded hit, it was.”
“Aww, well that ain’t no fair!”
“Li’l underhoofed, yeah, but technically still within the rules. She got her comeuppance, though, so it all balanced out.” Applejack puffed out her chest proudly. “This Apple made the winner’s circle, a’course.”
“Yeah? Well that’s great, congrats, cousin!”
Applejack beamed smugly despite Macintosh rolling his eyes at her. “Eeeeeeyep, sure was a good night. Even got ta play the part of a stallion fer a while, thanks ta some princess magic.”
Braeburn gaped at her. “Izzat right? That’s a thing they can do?”
“Th’ Givagalawilly spell? Sure is.”
“The ‘Give a--…’” Braeburn trailed off and blushed. “…That can’t be the real name.”
“Don’t care, Ah like it, Ah’m usin’ it.”
“…Heh, just like the willy, huh?”
“Dang right!”
Big Mac snorted and rolled his eyes again.
“Aww, cheer up, big guy!” Braeburn said, clapping a hoof around his shoulder. “You’ll make it this time! I believe in ya! An’ I’ll be right there with ya, too!”
Macintosh held his frown for a second or two longer, but then finally relented, smiling and nodding. “…Thanks, cuz.”
“Alright, alright, enough o’ the sappy stuff, we gotta get goin’. Twi wanted ta see ya as soon as ya got in, Brae.”
Braeburn laughed. “Oh heck, we ain’t gotta sign a contract or somethin’ fer this, do we?”
Applejack snickered, and this time Macintosh joined her. “Heh, well, somethin’ like that… don’t worry though, Ah expect ya won’t mind it.”
“Well, if ya say so,” Braeburn said.
“Follow me,” Applejack announced, setting the pace as the three Apples left the train station and headed for the castle.
“…So, uh, those cute fillies from yer buckball team are playin’ too, right?”
“Eeeyup.”
“Hot damn.”
---
Elsewhere in town, Rarity and Fluttershy pushed open the doors of the Ponyville Day Spa and breathed in the fresh air as they walked outside.
Well, staggered outside was probably more accurate.
“Goodbye ladies!” one of the spa twins called after them, waving.
“And good luck!” the other added.
“Thank you, dears!” Rarity answered dreamily, her tail still reflexively hitching high. “We’ll be back in December!”
Fluttershy leaned heavily against Rarity as she walked, her face almost as pink as her mane and her smile enormous. “Rarity? I’m… really thirsty.”
“Mmm, how about a stop at Sugarcube Corner on the way to the castle, then?”
“Oh yes, please…”
The trip took much longer than usual, what with the pair leaning on each other to support their slow, shaky legs, and having to make a conscious effort to keep their tails down lest they’d appear to be offering themselves to everypony in sight - not that the circles of ‘potentially interested ponies they passed’ versus ‘ponies suiting their own interests’ didn’t necessarily overlap, but they were on a schedule here - but eventually they made it to everypony’s favorite bakery, the bell overhead calmly jingling as they pushed open the door.
“Oooh, hi Rarity, hi Fluttershy!” came an immediate, loud and chipper greeting.
“Good afternoon, Pinkie Pie,” Rarity replied as she approached the front counter, almost walking without support by now. “Could you whip us up a couple of tall lemonades, please? Fluttershy and I are in rather dire need of hydration.”
“Ooooooh!” Pinkie giggled at her fellow mares. “Spa day?”
“Spa day.”
“I-I had a coupon…”
“Hehehe, say no more! Two lemonades coming up!”
“Thank you, Pinkie dear.”
Rarity placed a few bits on the counter while Pinkie got to work at the juicer, and a minute later she laid two ice cold glasses of lemonade on the counter, complete with crazy straws and paper parasols. “There you go! Enjoy!”
“Oh, thank you Pinkie,” Fluttershy said, taking hers immediately and skipping the straw entirely, instead just tilting her head back and guzzling half the glass all at once.
Rarity couldn’t help but giggle, taking a much daintier and more ladylike sip from the straw. “Goodness, Fluttershy, are you alright there?”
Fluttershy lowered the glass, panting softly and sighing in relief. “Y-yes, I’m fine… I was really… really thirsty.”
“Well I should think so. The twins always do lovely work, of course, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you get quite that into it. You nearly splashed Aloe with that last one.”
“So did you…”
“Yes, but Aloe was on my side of the room,” Rarity pointed out, giggling again.
“…W-well, I mean… yes…”
“Haha! Happy endings,” Pinkie said, and joined in Rarity’s giggles.
“So, Pinkie, how has the day treating you?” Rarity asked.
“Oh, it’s been crazy busy!” Pinkie Pie said as though nothing could have pleased her more. “You just missed the last rush, everypony’s buying up loads of goodies for Nightmare Night! Especially brownies! I’ve been baking soooooooo many brownies…”
“I see! Well, good to hear you’re keeping busy. Although I do hope you manage to find some time to yourself before the end of the day. Getting through the next month is going to be hard enough without missing your last chance for, ah--”
“Flicking the bean? Watering the garden? Chilling and jilling? Dialing rotary? Forming the beast with two backs? Inserting tab A into slot B? Playing a duet with Mister Johnson and the Juice Crew?”
“…Sure. One of those, at least.”
“Oh, don’t worry, I’ve got that taken care of. After we close, Imma hump some Cakes.”
At this point such an absurd assertion didn’t even make Rarity blink anymore, although she did briefly imagine the myriad complications of getting that much sugar stuck down there and reflexively shuddered. “Oh, er… I see. Well, I hope you, ah, make sure not to accidentally sell them later, then… and thoroughly clean yourself after.”
“Hehehehe, oh, I don’t mean the kind of Cake you sell. Or do I? I wonder if either of them is into that… Ooooh, we could have an auction sometime! Buy a cake, eat a Cake!”
“…Well now you’ve lost me.”
Pinkie opened her mouth again, but it ended up being unnecessary. With uncanny timing, Carrot and Cup Cake both emerged from the kitchen, giggling and rubbing muzzles together as they moved into the shop proper.
“Last call, everypony, we’re closing up early for Nightmare Night,” Cup Cake announced, flicking the ‘OPEN’ sign in the window over to ‘CLOSED.’
“Pinkie, the kitchen’s all shut down,” Carrot said. “Can you handle closing up the register while we head up and make sure the twins get on their way for trick-or-treating?”
“Sure thing, Carrot,” Pinkie cooed, winking. “I won’t be long. See you upstaaaiiirrrrs~!”
Carrot winked back and followed his wife upstairs, bumping her rump with his muzzle and making her giggle as they climbed out of sight.
Fluttershy gulped heavily, sucking on her empty glass. “…O-oh. M-my.”
Rarity threw her head back and guzzled the rest of her lemonade all at once, slamming the glass back on the table.
Far away from mainland Equestria, on an island that was more volcano than island, Ember, the unquestioned lord of all dragons, watched with hopeful excitement as a thick cord of emerald green flames traced its way through the sky above the vast ocean around her mountaintop throne. The fiery rope swerved and swayed, almost like it was intentionally teasing her, but eventually it made its way to her window like she somehow knew it would, and curled itself into a tight spiral in front of her face.
Ember held out her hands expectantly, and the fire poofed out of existence, replaced by a small scroll bearing the seal of the Equestrian Ambassador to the Dragon Lands. Or just Spike, as she refused to call him that long-winded nonsense, no matter how much it made him do that cocky, sexy little strut of his. She popped the seal impatiently and almost ripped the scroll open, greedily drinking in the words she hoped would be found within:
Ember. Equestria. Now. Bring that sexy body. Where doing it girl Where MAKING THIS HAPEN Spike
Okay, that was decidedly not quite the words she’d been hoping to find. Either Spike was making some kind of obscure reference to something, or he’d been concussed while writing to her. But she didn’t really care which. The message was clear.
The time had come again. Ember was invited. And she couldn’t wait to get another taste of that sweet, sweet dragon dick.
“Yes. Hell yes. Hell fucking yes,” she chanted to herself, and launched herself out the window on a beeline for Equestria.
---
“Luna.”
“Mmrrrhh.” The princess of the night stirred, reluctantly, squinting her eyes shut against the sunlight as her sister’s softly scolding voice dragged her from her pleasant dreams, and immediately she struggled to return to them. There were numerous cute ponies there, stallion and mare alike, and they were all very eager to add to the satisfying tickle of pleasure between her hind legs…
Unfortunately Princess Celestia was not content to let her return to the dreamscape. “Luna, wake up,” she said, a bit louder this time, and the pleasant tickle in Luna’s loins suddenly became a rather uncomfortable prodding.
Luna let out an annoyed grunt and refused to open her eyes. “Mmmff, five more minutes, Tia…”
“We don’t have five more minutes, Luna. We are expected in Ponyville within the hour, and you are not ready.”
Luna waved a hoof dismissively in the general direction of her sister’s voice. “We are the leaders of Equestria, sister, we have five more minutes if we say we do.”
“Luna.”
“We have until midnight, Tia. Five more minutes will not cause us to miss the cutoff. I will rise shortly, you need not prod my nethers about it.”
“Luna, I’m not the one doing that.”
Luna frowned at that, and with a sigh that melted into a hum of curiosity she opened her eyes and lifted her head at last.
There was a pony passed out on top of her crotch.
Well, that explained a few things.
He was a stallion, slim and toned, and he was softly snoring as he slept, his slow, deep breaths fluttering gingerly over her nethers, which she didn’t particularly mind. But he also happened to be a thestral, one of her elite night guards, and so whenever he shifted in his sleep his fanged jaws had a tendency to poke her in some sensitive places.
Huh. Now why in Equestria was one of her personal guards asleep face down between her legs?
Luna glanced around her bedroom, fully awake now, and saw no less than four more ponies, all from the night guard, passed out in the bed with her. Most of them were stallions as well, though she recognized at least one mare, and all of them were smeared with some rather pungent-smelling fluids. Herself especially, she realized after a moment, though the one mare she could see was also similarly well-coated in the stuff, and as she spied the stallions’ mostly flaccid but still unsheathed cocks laying limp and dripping on her bedspread, she thought she had a decent idea what said fluid was.
What had she been doing all day--?
Oh.
Oh, right.
Yeah, now it was all coming back to her. A night full of anxious nerves about the month ahead. One bold guard with an off-hoof suggestion. A quick and delightfully successful poll for volunteers. A few drinks to lubricate things - along with some actual lube - and then the rest of the day was something of a blur, but she was waking up in bed with around a half dozen other ponies, there was a great swell of contentment and satisfaction in her core, and everything between her teats and her back thighs was thoroughly covered in stallion jizz, so she must have been having a very fun morning.
“Get it all out of your system?”
Luna looked over at her sister, blushing for the briefest of moments, and smiled in return. “Yes, I believe I have. My ponies have performed admirably, and I believe I am prepared to endure the next month.”
“I should hope so. After our success last year, I will expect nothing less from the both of us this year as well.”
“I will be fine, I’m sure. What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Are you not going to relieve yourself before we go?”
For the first time in the conversation Celestia cracked a smile. “Who says I did not?”
“Oh-ho? Do tell.”
“I may have observed your example and… refined it, for my own purposes.”
“Ha! I doubt that. You do not look the part at all.”
“Perhaps I simply had the sense of mind to finish my business and clean myself up for the journey at a reasonable hour instead of falling asleep in a pile of my own filth.”
Luna scoffed at her. “Beware your tongue, sister! Those are fighting words!”
Celestia simply smirked and turned to leave her sister’s bedchamber, stopping at the door. “Well, if you don’t believe me, you could always help me do something about it on the carriage ride to Ponyville…”
Luna’s mock-anger vanished as quickly as it came. “…Oh?”
Celestia looked back, wiggling her eyebrows and flicking her tail just so, giving her sister a perfect but far too brief glance at the pink folds beneath it. “If you manage to make yourself presentable before we are scheduled to depart. My escorts will not wait.”
Luna’s eye twitched, drawing in a deep breath, and though Celestia closed the door on her way out, she could still hear Luna’s bellowing.
“NIGHT GUARD! RISE AND SHINE AND ON YOUR HOOVES! YOUR PRINCESS REQUIRES BATHING, POST HASTE!”
Celestia paused to laugh at the immediate bangs and crashes of toppling ponies and rattling armor before carrying on toward the courtyard to await her carriage. Perhaps if Luna took long enough, she’d have time for a quickie with the drivers, too…
---
Later, at the Castle of Friendship…
“Hey Twi?”
“Yes, Spike?”
“Luna and Celestia’s carriage is here.”
“Oh, good, we should go out and meet them, then.”
“Actually, it’s been here. For like ten minutes.”
“What? And you’re just now telling me?!”
“I was waiting for them to come out.”
“Well, go greet them already!”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?!”
“They still haven’t come out.”
“…They’re still in the carriage?”
“Yeah.”
“…Uh…”
“And now it’s rocking.”
“…Rocking.”
“Like, shaking back and forth.”
“Yes Spike I know what rocking means.”
“Now their escorts are giving it weird looks.”
“Well I should hope so, it’s their job to investigate--”
“Aaaand now they’re getting in the carriage too.”
“…Oh for the love of--”
“It just started rocking a lot harder.”
“Okay thank you Spike I get it.”
“…Wanna go down and join ‘em?”
“…Mmmhh. Fine. I suppose we can be a bit late for the Nightmare Night party…”
“Thanks for the help, girls! Happy Nightmare Night!” Sunset called out over her shoulder as she stepped through the mirror portal. She landed comfortably on all fours as she emerged on the other side, more readily expecting her old pony body this time. She took a quick look in the mirror to make sure everything looked right, and-- Oh, score, Sunset thought, poking the headphones around her ears and the comically-oversized zipper on her vest. Her costume had survived the trip. Good to know. Maybe there were still some Nightmare Night festivities she could get in on before the big day tomorrow. Not that anypony here would get her costume, probably, but…
“Ah, Sunset, you made it! Wow, nice costume! What are you supposed to be?”
Sunset turned and smiled at the sound of Twilight’s voice. “Heh, hey Twi. I’m a character named Marina, it’s from this video game in the human world--”
The rest of her sentence died in her throat as she drank in the sight before her. Twilight Sparkle was standing in front of the cutie map along with her dragon assistant Spike, who was easily taller than either of them these days, and the two of them were cuddled up side by side, giggling at some private joke between them. Twilight was wearing robes of an offensively bright orange and a slightly-less gaudy yellow headband, while Spike had chosen a far more reasonable shade of red for his robes yet the far more ridiculous accessory: a pair of sunglasses, indoors, at night. Both sported logos on their chests, a sun and a giant gear respectively.
Sunset suppressed a groan, recognizing their outfits instantly. “Oh lord, you two found Homestuck.”
“Hehe, we sure did!” Twilight confirmed. “I think we make a good Rose and Dave, don’t you?”
“Too good. I never should have given you guys that laptop…”
“Hah, too late now!” Spike cackled.
“I could make so many incest jokes right now.”
“It’s not incest if it’s not by blood,” Twilight said with an airy giggle.
“Somehow I don’t think even blood would stop you.”
“Ahehehe, weeeeellll…”
Sunset rolled her eyes, but resigned herself to let it go and change the subject. “Regardless, it is still kinda weird seeing you two so cuddly. In my world you’re a dog, Spike.”
“Well, I do sometimes get an uncontrollable urge to hump somepony’s legs,” Spike answered, giving her a lecherous grin. “But I usually miss and end up between them instead.”
“Oh my god, you’re such a pervert.”
“Said the girl visiting from a whole ‘nother universe for a shot at an orgy.”
“Touché,” Sunset admitted, chuckling. “Speaking of, I gotta admit, when my friends on the other side heard about this, they had some… interesting reactions.”
“Oh yeah? Like what?” Twilight asked.
“Well, half of them are kinda disappointed they didn’t get an invite, for one thing.”
Twilight giggled at that. “Oh, gosh, I’m sorry. Honestly I didn’t think any of them would be interested. The human world seems like it’s a lot more uptight about this sort of thing.”
“Hah, well, you’re not wrong about that. The second part, at least. But a couple of them wouldn’t have minded playing. Bet you can guess which ones.”
“Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie?” Spike offered.
“Right in one.” Sunset smirked at Twilight suddenly. “Although, a certain rising rock star probably wouldn’t have minded a shot at a couple of old flames like us…”
Twilight instantly flushed. “Ahaha… haha, is that right…? Heh-heh, well, m-maybe I’ll put that out there next year then…”
“I’m sure he’d appreciate you thinking of him,” Sunset said, giving her a wink before letting it drop. “So, where is everypony? I’m not late, am I?”
“Hah, only for the free show!” Spike declared.
“Quiet, you,” Twilight scolded him half-heartedly. “You’re fine, Sunset. We’ve actually got a big Nightmare Night party going downstairs, our co-players are just gonna stick around after it’s over. Before that, though, come on up to the cutie map. You still need to… hehe, ‘register.’”
“Uh, alright then,” Sunset said as she approached the cutie map, which, thanks to Twilight’s magic, was now apparently perverted beyond recognition. The table was now haphazardly sub-divided into just over two dozen segments, each with somepony’s name scribbled into it, and all but one stamped with either a hoofprint or a clawprint, in fluids that were very definitely not ink.
“What do you think?” Twilight asked. “I really stepped things up this year, now that we’re a bit more familiar with the basics.”
“It… sure looks like you went all out,” Sunset observed, her eyes tracing over the various names scrawled on the table. “So this is everyone who’s playing, huh?”
“Yep,” Spike confirmed. “Twenty-six takers this year. Bit bigger than last time.”
“You two, all the other girls… buncha your siblings, haha, maybe I’ll get to make some incest jokes after all… ooooh, hehe, Starlight? Awesome… and these must be her new friends she’s been telling me about, that’ll be fun to meet them… and there’s--… oh. Oh jeez, Celestia and Luna? The freaking god-empresses of Equestria are playing too? Gawd, that won’t be intimidating or anything…”
“Don’t worry about it, it’s not as intimidating as it sounds,” Spike assured her. “They’re both actually huge perverts.”
“…Oh really.”
“Oh yes, hehe…” Twilight agreed, sighing wistfully. “Mmmhh, they were just out of my reach last year, though…”
“Not mine!”
“Shut up, Spike.”
“Ah-heh… w-well, that’s good to know, I guess,” Sunset said, looking back at the cutie map. “…Speaking of perverted, what in the world did you do to this thing, anyway?”
“Oh, this?” Twilight looked back at the map as well. “Well, let’s just say I’ve… enhanced it temporarily, for our little game…”
“Uh-huh… enhanced how, exactly?”
“I’ll explain it to everypony at the final countdown. For now though, I need you to stamp in.”
Sunset eyed the individual segments of the map again, and the stamped prints in each, of varying neatness. Fluttershy and Maud’s hoofprints were so perfectly neat and unblemished it was almost supernatural, whereas Discord’s looked more like a paint splatter than a hoof-print. Pinkie had made a little smiley face out of hers, while Rainbow Dash had added a crude likeness of her cutie mark. Shining Armor and Princess Cadance, who were of course side by side, had smeared their stamps into each other’s squares until the lines of not-ink met one another like little legs holding hooves. And right at the edge in front of her, just below the married couple’s stamps and next to Spike’s and Twilight’s, was a chunk of unstamped space with ‘Sunset Shimmer’ written across the top.
“So is, uh… is this stuff what I think it is?” Sunset wondered aloud.
“If you think it’s cum, then yes, yes it is,” Spike said, completely straight-faced.
“…Why?”
“It was necessary for the spellwork I was weaving to enhance the cute map,” Twilight explained. “I’m confident the payoff will be worth it for everypony once they see it, but first it needs the essence of each participant to work properly.”
“Heh-heh, essence,” Spike snickered.
“So, wait, what you’re saying is… did you seriously pull some ‘contracts written in blood’ level magic for this thing?”
“Well, no, not blood, obviously, but… kinda?”
“…Twi, you know this is gross, right?”
“It’s just sugar water and proteins, primarily. And the rest is vitamins and minerals.”
“All part of a healthy nerd’s diet,” Spike added.
“Shut up, I’m not asking her to eat it.”
“Hey, you never know, maybe she’s into that.”
“Spike!”
Sunset chuckled. “It’s okay, Twilight, I’m not mad, this is all just… a little more formal than I was expecting. Then again I guess that’s my own fault, considering you went to all that effort just on the invitation…”
“Ah-heh, yeah, I guess maybe I went a bit overboard, but I promise it’s totally in the spirit of the game. I wouldn’t do something dangerous with this.”
“Heh… alright, Twilight, I trust you.”
“Hehe, thanks, Sunset… do you need a minute alone to…?”
“Mm, nah, I’m good. All this talk already has me kinda wet anyway,” Sunset admitted. And sure enough, as she stretched one foreleg underneath herself and into the pants of her costume for a quick swirl, she swiftly brought it back out dripping and glistening.
“Hot.”
“Thanks,” she said, throwing a quick wink at Spike, and stamped her hoof firmly into the center of the map piece bearing her name. The table briefly flickered and grew warm around her hoof before fading away, and when she pulled her hoof back, it was perfectly dry again, and her girl juices were seared into the table under her name.
“Great! That’s it, everything’s set for the challenge!” Twilight exclaimed happily. “Now we just have to wait until midnight. You guys wanna head down to the party ‘til then?”
“Sounds good to me,” Sunset agreed. “Can’t wait to meet everypony…”
The Castle of Friendship was easily home to the biggest Nightmare Night party in town, thanks in no small part to an over-abundance of space in which to party. The entire grounds had been taken over by the traditional Apple family corn maze, and once you made it to the castle itself, even if you ignored the incredible job Pinkie Pie, Rarity and Rainbow Dash had done decorating the place, the scene in the main hall alone put every other party around to shame. Ponies from all over town were there, some from out of town, even, and all of them seemed to have the same topic on their minds at one point or another: the intriguing challenge sweeping through town, spearheaded by their local Princess.
“So how does a Changeling go about, er, that sort of thing?” Cheerilee was currently asking of Thorax, curiously prodding the smooth, featureless flesh beneath his tail, something she probably would have had the sense of mind not to do if her cheeks weren’t rosy with cider.
Thorax actually didn’t seem to mind, though; on the contrary, he looked thrilled at the chance to educate somepony about his kind. “Oh, well, you see, our transformations aren’t illusions, that’s a common misconception. We actually morph our bodies into whatever form we wish. You’re poking bare flesh because we naturally morph away our genitalia when not in use as a defense mechanism. When we do ‘whip it out,’ as it were, we of course have our natural anatomy, but since we’re equipped to coexist with other species, our genitalia is included when we transform into another species. Of course if we really wished to, we could independently morph the genitals themselves…”
“Ooooh, really?” Cheerilee gave a slightly tipsy giggle, her eyes lit up with aroused curiosity. “Tell me more…”
“Gladly! I’ve actually been practicing my options for if I win this challenge! I’m used to pony anatomy, but it sounds like there’s going to be some healthy demand for dragon genitalia as well…”
“Ooh, hehe, maybe you can give me a little preview…”
“What about your own?” Ember demanded abruptly from one side.
Thorax whipped around to look at her, grinning at his comrade in royalty and oblivious to Cheerilee’s disappointed pout. “Hey Ember! Um, what about my own--?”
“I mean, you’re perfectly fine as you normally are, you don’t need to change yourself to please everypony else!” The dragon lord folded her arms stubbornly. “They should just accept your junk as it is, along with the rest of you!”
“Oh, well…” Thorax shrugged. “Yeah, I sorta get where you’re coming from, as a species that’s generally always going to be what they’re born as, but fluidity of form is one of a Changeling’s defining traits! So really, if we’re going to be having a big mating party, I don’t mind being whatever gets my friends excited the most. Heh, after all, it’s not as though I’d enjoy it any less!”
Cheerilee cooed softly, running a hoof over his shoulder. “Aww, Thorax, that’s so sweet of you! I had no idea Changelings could be so kind. You know, I’d be just delighted to help you spread knowledge about your people to my students… maybe you’d like to tell me more about them… hehe, and about yourself? In private…?”
“O-oh! Uh… heh, wow, okay!”
Ember just snorted and looked away. “Hmph…”
Over in a corner behind them, meanwhile, a pair of well-dressed rich mares approached a trio of their old classmates huddled together again over some last minute details.
“So. Bloom, Sweetie, Scoot. Doing that silly chastity challenge again, eh?” Diamond Tiara said with a coy smirk. “I heard you all flunked the first run. Think you three are gonna hold out this time around?”
“Damn right we will!” Scootaloo vowed. “Hey, you two shoulda joined in!”
“Oh, we had a much better idea for how to spend the month,” Silver Spoon said.
“Really? What’s that? Sweetie Belle asked.
Diamond’s smirk turned downright wicked as she hugged her best friend close. “It’s called ‘Silvy and I have amazing sex every single day of the month, just to rub your muzzles in it.’ Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”
“…That’s cold, Di,” Apple Bloom grunted.
“Yeah, but it’s fun!” Diamond added, winking and strolling toward the snack table with Silver.
“…Reformed or not, she’s still a bitch.”
“Eeeyup.”
“Mmhmm.”
Beyond the rich mares at the snack table was the punch bowl and the cider barrels, the latter of which Rainbow Dash was guzzling down her fifth tankard from, finishing it off with an epic belch that echoed off the crystal walls.
“Whoa, nice one, Crash!” Soarin laughed.
“Pfft, that’s nothing, you should see me at the first day of cider season!” Rainbow boasted.
“Oh man, cider season,” Thunderlane groaned, drooling. “Clipper, buddy, you’ve got to come to Ponyville for that one sometime.”
“Hey, look at you three,” Starlight Glimmer said, walking up to them with a chuckle. “Isn’t Wonderbolts wearing Wonderbolt uniforms as their Nightmare Night costumes a little lazy?”
“Bah, I prefer to think of it as a built-in costume,” Rainbow countered. “What the heck are you dressed as, anyway? Are those overalls? …Does your hat have eyes?”
“Oh, it’s from this new game in the human world about a plumber who tries to save his Princess from a giant turtle with the help of this guy from a race of hat people…”
“Wow, what?” Soarin said, chuckling. “I think you lost me there.”
“…Okay, well, yeah, it sounds silly when I lay it all out like that, haha…”
“You’ve been visiting the human world?” Rainbow asked.
“Oh, hehe, yeah, just every once in a while. I’ve got a pen pal there, actually. Ah, speaking of which, here she is!”
“Who, me?” Sunset Shimmer blinked as she stopped beside Starlight, and blushed at the trio of toned, uniformed Pegasi. “Oh, wow, hi there.”
“Wow, what are you supposed to be?” Rainbow wondered. “Is your hair, like, made of squid tentacles?”
“Oh, it’s from this game back home--”
“Yeah, don’t bother,” Starlight muttered. “We don’t have video games yet.”
“God, I know, right?” Sunset groaned loudly. “And Twilight wonders why I prefer to stay in the human world… you’d think fingers alone would’ve gotten the message across, but I guess she can get that from Spike. Well excuuuuse me, Princess, we didn’t all have dragon assistants that grew up to be our fuck-buddies.”
“What’s so great about fingers?” Rainbow asked.
Both unicorn mares smirked at each other before Sunset answered, “Imagine your front hooves ended in ten flexible little dicks that can each be controlled individually, and you can stick them anywhere.”
Thunderlane’s jaw dropped. “N-no kidding…?”
Rainbow snorted dismissively. “Hmph, they can’t feel as good as a wingjob. Especially not one of mine, right boys?”
Soarin shuddered and nodded. “Girl’s got a point there…”
“Damn right!” Rainbow grinned and ran one of her primary feathers on each wing under both boys’ chins, making them quiver a little. “And that’s just a taste of what I can do…”
“Yeah, well, let Spike finger you sometime and then see if you still like wings better,” Starlight said, smiling lazily.
“Bah…”
Somewhere behind the crowd at the cider keg, the center of the main hall had turned into an impromptu dance floor, primarily because Discord and Celestia were cutting a rug across the room, catching much of the party’s attention as they wove a particularly aggressive tango around each other with expressions somewhere between old friends reunited, and rival predators fighting over a fresh kill.
“I confess myself a little disappointed, my dear,” Discord was saying. “You and your silly ponies had all this fun last year without little old me.”
“Oh? Is that jealousy I hear, Discord?” Celestia said back, her tone all tease.
“Jealousy? Hardly. Disappointment aside, I understand it was an exclusive club sort of thing. Limited availability and whatnot. It’s not as though you invited some random mail-mare to play instead of moi.”
“I played by accident!”
Discord looked around with a slight glare at a grey and blonde, wall-eyed pegasus standing just behind him, wearing a party hat like a unicorn horn.
Celestia chuckled. “Haha… yes… by accident. Ahem… I’m sorry to hear you couldn’t play again this year, though, my little pony.”
“That’s okay, I appreciate you thinking of me!” the pegasus said cheerfully, glancing past her. “Ooooh, snack table!”
The pegasus was gone in a flash, leaving Discord grumbling sourly.
“Not jealous at all, hm?” Celestia teased again, bumping her flank against his hip to get him dancing again.
It took a few hip-checks, but eventually Discord got grooving again. “Hmph… well, perhaps a smidgen. You know, I thought friendship was a more inclusionary concept.”
“Of course,” Celestia agreed, twirling away from him until they were a full wingspan apart, though still hand in hoof. “If it makes you feel any better, I really do regret not passing along an invitation back then, given the willingness you’ve showed this time. To be honest, I actually expected you to decline.”
Discord scoffed derisively, dipping Celestia backward as she twirled back into his arms. “Decline to participate in the most interesting game you ponies have come up with since my return? Whyever would I do that?”
“You’re not much for ‘rules’ and ‘structure,’ Discord.” Celestia hauled herself upright again, dancing around his snakelike body an arm’s length apart. “I daresay you’ll have a tough time staying motivated to abide by them. Why, I wouldn’t be surprised if you clopped out simply to escape the rules out of sheer boredom.”
“Is that a challenge, old friend?”
“Perhaps it is.”
Discord twirled her close again, a rose appearing between his teeth - though the blossom itself was just a dense cluster of thorns, while little rosebuds grew where thorns normally would. “Then I’m afraid I have no choice but to accept.” He offered the warped flower to the sun princess. “Though I think you underestimate my ability to bend rules.”
Celestia laughed and nibbled off a rosebud. “I think you underestimate just how binding Twilight’s little contract was.”
“Contract? I don’t remember any--… oh, you sneaky little alicorn…”
Celestia cackled. “Just remembered the table we all rubbed off on?”
“And what exactly did I ‘sign,’ then?”
Celestia merely wiggled her eyebrows, and before Discord could retort further, another princess swept a long pink wing up between them.
“Easy, you two, save the rival-sex for the first of December,” Cadance said, giggling. “Twilight wants all the players in the map room… it’s almost midnight.”
“Splendid,” Celestia replied, and offered Discord one last wink before she made to follow Cadance. “Good luck, Discord. We all hope to see you at the celebration party, I’m sure…”
“Hmph… oh, I’ll be there, you’ll see…” Discord grunted, and stalked after them.
A few minutes later, two dozen some creatures were squeezed into the cutie map chamber, a few lucky early arrivals seated in the thrones around the table despite the protests of their proper owners, and the rest lining the wall around it. The clock on the wall was ticking down the final ten minutes to the end of Nightmare Night (well, the formal end of it anyway, the party was still in full swing and would likely stay that way for a couple more hours at least), and at five minutes to midnight, Twilight Sparkle took her seat at the head of the table and knocked a hoof on it like a gavel to call the room to order.
“Thanks everypony, for taking a break from the party for a quick chat,” Twilight said to the small crowd gathered around the map table. “Are we all here?”
“No, hang on, we’re missing that neon Bambi guy,” Sunset pointed out.
“Who, Thorax?”
“I know I saw him at the party…”
“What’s a Bambi?”
“I’m here! I’m here, sorry!” Thorax shouted, stumbling through the doors and shutting them behind him. He did his best to act as though nothing was out of the ordinary, but he was failing miserably given that there was an obvious smear of lipstick staining his sheepish smile and a dribble of semen leaking from his half-erect, stallion-style cock.
Trixie snickered loudly at him. “Getting a last-minute quickie in?”
“…Ponies around here are really friendly,” Thorax answered as diplomatically as possible, though the room erupted in laughter anyway.
“Alright, alright, settle down everypony,” Twilight eventually called out. “If King Thorax is done feeding on some hot, fresh love--”
A few more snickers and giggles broke out and Thorax rolled his eyes and tried to hide his smile.
“--we can get down to business. So!” Twilight clapped her front hooves together. “Welcome to year two, everyone! I’m sure you’re all familiar with the rules at this point, but since we have some new faces this year, here’s a quick review anyway. As of midnight tonight, your challenge is to endure the entire month of November without--”
“Flicking the bean? Watering the garden? Chilling and--”
“Pinkie Pie for heaven’s sake you did that bit already!” Rarity hissed.
“Oh yeah! Whoops! Never mind, carry on Twilight!”
“…Right. As I was saying, to successfully complete the challenge, you must make it to December first without achieving sexual climax. Of course, it wouldn’t be terribly interesting if we all just locked ourselves in our rooms for a month, so just to be clear, prodding and teasing each other is allowed. Dare I say, encouraged, even. But beware, the more you tease, the higher the odds you might just be teased back…”
Sweetie Belle squirmed and shrunk in her seat slightly.
“…Now of course, you can always say no,” Twilight carried on. “Consent matters, so anything that happens against your will, including wet dreams, won’t count. Otherwise, sexy outfits, bumping and grinding, shamelessly gratuitous displays of arousal… it’s all fair game. Stroke off right to the edge, even, if you think it’ll cool you off. But whatever you do, take care not to overwhelm yourself in the process, because barring those two exceptions, if you cum, you lose.”
“And I suppose this is all still on some kind of easily abused honor system?” Ember asked, a skeptical frown on her face.
“You saying you cheated your way in last year?” Rainbow swiftly prodded.
“What?! No, of course not! Take that back, featherbrain!”
“Hah, easy, easy, just joking!”
“But a fair question, Ember,” Twilight said with a nod. “Of course I trust all of you to play honestly… well, almost all of you…”
Discord smirked. “Love you too, Princess Twiggles.”
“…But just as insurance… and a little extra fun for anyone who wants to enjoy a good show… Pinkie, a little ‘dramatic reveal’ flair?”
Pinkie Pie produced a snare drum from the aether as Twilight lit her horn and fired a spell at the cutie map, and as Pinkie kicked off an expert drum roll, the map flared to life with a massive, three-dimensional projection of the very room they were all standing around in.
A cymbal crashed from… somewhere.
“Gentlemen… BEHOLD!”
“Thank you Pinkie.”
“You’re welcome!”
“Holy crap, is that… us?” Starlight asked.
“It is!” Twilight replied, beaming. Indeed, the 3D screen over the cutie map was packed full of not just the room itself, but also miniature versions of everyone in the room, moving perfectly in time with their counterparts.
“Oh, I get it!” Sunset gasped suddenly. “It’s like live TV!”
“Exactly!” Twilight agreed. “I’ve enchanted this map to passively maintain a scrying spell on everyone who stamped our little ‘contract,’ hehe… don’t worry, it’s not going to actively spy on your every moment. You can still bathe and use the toilet and write personal letters and break your diets with ice cream binges in peace and privacy. This particular version of the spell will only become active under certain… special conditions…”
Sunburst raised a slightly shaky hoof. “Uh, is this the part where you explain why you made us all stamp it with, um… o-our, uh…?”
Everyone stared at Pinkie for a long, silent moment.
Pinkie simply shrugged. “What? It was cum. We were all thinking it.”
“Thank you, Pinkie, for pushing through that barrier,” Twilight finally said, chuckling a little. “And yes, Sunburst. This is why I had you all do that. By stamping in to this particular scrying spell with your unique sexual fluids, what will make the spell activate - and thus put you up on display and archive the moment in recording crystals for anyone who wants to watch - is the moment any of you approach the point of no return.”
Twilight looked back at Ember, who was blushing horribly now. “So, to answer your original question, Ember, if somebody - ah-heh, excuse me - when somebody gives in and clops out…” She tapped a hoof proudly on the table. “They won’t be able to hide it. It’ll all be right here for everyone to see.”
Again the room fell into silence for a moment, but thankfully a much shorter one this time.
“Twilight?” Rainbow spoke up, her wings at full extension. “…That’s really friggin’ hot.”
“Hehe, I know, right?!”
“Never would have pegged Sparkle for a voyeur…” Trixie muttered. “…Wait, yes I would, what am I talking about?”
“And what if we don’t wanna be on display like that?” Ember growled.
“Didn’t you just say you wanted something better than the honor system?” Rainbow asked.
“Well… I mean, yes, but… that… grrr, I said shut up, wingnut!”
Rainbow just laughed at her, but Twilight gave Ember a reassuring smile instead. “Don’t worry, Ember, no one outside this room is going to see it.” Twilight paused, and then gave her a teasing giggle of her own. “And since you’re here at all, you’re already willing to fuck everyone in this room, so…”
Ember merely crossed her arms and huffed. “…Hmph.”
“And on that note…” Twilight looked back at the rest of the congregation, which was suddenly alive and excited and buzzing with anticipation as they sensed what was coming. “I hope all of you try your best to make it to the end of the challenge, because as you should all know by now, the grand prize is, of course, an exclusive--”
Rarity gave a pleasant, full-body shudder.
“--all day--”
Fluttershy quivered and clamped her thighs together.
“--winners only--”
Rainbow pumped a hoof and grinned.
“--orgy.”
Cheers and stomping hooves filled the room immediately.
“Woohoo!”
“Yee-haw!”
“Yay…”
“Wheeeeeeeeee! Sex party!” Pinkie’s party cannon materialized between her hind legs and fired, bombing the room with a flurry of dick-shaped confetti.
“Hehe, yes, it’s all very enticing, but remember you have to make it there first,” Twilight repeated. “Anyway, I think that’s everything! Thanks for the meeting, everypony, we can all head back to the party now, and--”
BONG
BONG
The castle filled with the echoes of twelve heavy chimes, and at the same time the display on the map table was gone, swirling away into nothingness and replaced by an enormous counter, which immediately began ticking away:
“…--and with that,” Twilight finished, “good luck to all of you, and try to last longer than my sister in law did.”
“She’s right. I’m bad at this game.”
Everyone giggled along with Cadance, but it was a different laughter this time. Excited still, yes, but with a vague undertone of tension as well. No Clop November was no longer just an entertaining thought exercise.
