Fancy pants is a self made pony, and he is not exactly fond of those who are not.
Fancy pants is a self made pony, and he is not exactly fond of those who are not. Small glimpses into different parts of his life, and all of the roles he has played.
Greetings and salutations, my fellow ponies! Allow me to introduce myself! My name is Fancy Pants, stallion extraordinaire of Canterlot. Throughout my life, I have been a professional adventurer, and gentleman's gentleman! Perhaps you have heard of me... if so, I hope it has only been of those very best of my achievements and accomplishments. I should like to get to know you all, and perchance we could be good friends, perhaps. I am glad that I have been given the great and good opportunity to speak to such humble and esteemed ponies such as yourselves, and am of the hope that my words can better your lives in some way.
One of the things I pride myself on, is being a self-made Pony. My fortune was forged in the fires of my own hard work, a product of my own tears and sweat. I believe a pony should only possess what they have earned by deeds, not simply be handed fame and fortune as a result of the circumstances of their birth. For only those who have worked hard, can appreciate the hard work it takes to attain such wealth and prestige. That is why I respect you, my good ponies... for only you, who toil in the factories and fields and shops, can see the value and importance of that which I speak.
I came up from the humblest of beginnings, on the poorer side of the streets of Manehatten. I studied hard, and work hard as a grocery store Clerk, working hard and saving my bits. I eventually earned enough money to put myself though College, and there my life truly began. I went out west, and was a cowpony of the open plains, where I fought ornery Rustlers and befriended the Buffalo tribes. I came back to Manehatten, and served as the city's police chief, cleaning up the city's crime spree, and getting rid of the powerful goat crime families that held everypony in their merciless grip. many of those Don goat families still speak my name in fear, let me tell you!
My great adventures have taken me far afield, as well. I have gone on Safari to the Zebra Country, and with the aid of my Zebra coolies brought down many a fierce Chimera while on the hunt. In service to Equestria, I was the leader of my own platoon, the rough trotters. We made our mark during the great pony wars.... and it was during this war, that I made my famous charge up the San Kettle hill- an adventure which I was awarded the iron bridle, by Princess Celestia herself. I even braved the dangers of the greatest adventure of all... marriage... and the result is my beautiful, pink-haired unicorn wife Fleur De Lis, a few years younger than I am, and who sits beside me now. I have lived a charmed life, and I thank the great Horsemaster for all the good fortune I have been given.
But having settled into the life of the elite of upper-crust Canterlot, I have discovered an enemy far greater than any I have ever faced on the battlefield... snobbery. Rich, spoiled corporate ponies who were born with their mouths in a golden feed bag, and have never had to dirty their hooves with real, backbreaking work. Their class elitism sickens me, and makes me long for a return to the open plains of the safari, or the roaring sounds of canon fire on the battlefield. Oh to be rid of these sickening snobs like Jet Set. although the nobles and royalty are usually a bit more humble than the common rich, I have run into snobs like that arrogant Prince Blueblood... a Stallion such as him, is a thing I can barely stand!
It is you, my good common ponies, who have my esteem! You, who slave away in the mills, and work in the mines, to build up those rich ponies's fortunes. You are the cogs, you are the wheels, who keep the machine of Equestrian society going forward. Without your effort, without your aid, the these spoiled elites who play while you do all the work, would not have the fortunes the flout at the art galleries, or on the racetrack. I do not understand why our great and good Princesses Celestia, who has my deepest devotion and admiration, does not do something about these social parasites!
Oh to be rid of these sorry realms! To sail far, far away on an airship, and never return to these arrogant, rich ponies! Yet... we all have our roles to play in society. The mare Rarity, whom I did not recognize as one of the harmony bearers, tried to fit into this elite and spoiled world, thinking their was some kind of treasure to be found here. But I could have told you, my dear Rarity, that the greatest treasure lay with your friends, and that she was ignoring far greater wealth in her friends, rather than trying to fit in with these fools! Still, I am glad to have had the chance to meet such an esteemed ponysonage as herself, and I do hope she has come away from our acquaintance a little wiser.
I would love to board one of the great airships, and leave these foolish rich children far behind me, as I return to some forigen field where my knowledge and ability might be of more use to our great and glorius kingdom. But alas, we all have our roles to play in society, and mine is here, keeping these vultures at bay in court, so they do not exploit you, the common pony. I must continue to play the part of a spoiled, rich snob like the rest of them, so that I may undermine them from within. Now, as much as I enjoy speaking to you, my good ponies, I must be off, for I much more to accomplish ere this day is done! Tally Ho!
"Hey, Pants! Get your hindquarters over here, and get this lovely mare's bags!"
"Right away Mr. Discount!"
The young stallion, barely out of his teens, worked at the Discount's food and grocery.... a store for the upper working class ponies of Manehatten. He was small, and his brown mane was usually unkempt, giving the colt a mangy appearance. His manager, Sales Discount, was always keeping a stern eye on him; true, the boy was honest and worked hard, but he seemed to lack that fire in his belly that signified a colt willing to work his way up the ladder of success.
"Lead the way, m'am. I'll carry these out to your cart for you."
"Such a polite young stallion!" The old mare complimented him. "If only more young ponies were as polite as you!"
After he had levitated her shopping bags to her cart, she tossed him a five bit tip.
"Thank you for all of your help!" She called to him, as her chauffeur pulled the cart away.
"Thank you very much m'am, and please came again!" He replied happily.
The teenage Colt trotted back into the store, smiling to himself. "Anything else I can do to help you tonight, Mr. Discount?"
"Naw, you're done for the night, Fancy." The big earth pony snorted, chomping on his cigar. "You just sweep up, and head for home."
The young unicorn cheerfully did so, and soon he was clocking out, and on his way home.
The trot back through the Manehatten Ghetto was not a pleasant or a safe route... but it was one fancy pants knew well. On his way he passed boarded up apartment buildings, condemned houses that still had ponies who could affords little else living in them, and shady looking stallions peddling loco weed. This neighborhood was too poor to draw the goat crime family's intrest, so they left it under the control of the local street gangs. Facy Pants sighed, why did any Pony have to live like this?
As he approached his building, he heard the rage of an argument coming from inside. "I told you thugs I don't have any more bits! Now get your sorry flanks out of here!"
"That's a shame, Mr. Pants!" The oily sounding voice came from inside the tailor shop. Fancy stopped outside the door, and listened in. "It would be a shame if something were to happen to that boy of yous!"
"You leave my son out of this, you son of a Nag!": Fancy heard his farther whinny. "Now you take your thugs, and get out of my shop, before I call the law on you!"
"You think they'll even risk they're hides by coming out here?" The stallion hoodlum chortled. "But yous gots guts, Pants! I'll gives youse dat! C'mon boys, well try here again next week!"
As Fancy waited at the door, he saw three scowling earth ponies walk out past him, scowls on their faces. Fancy knew well enough to keep his mouth shut and let them pass, then he ran quickly into the shop.
"You all right, pop?" Fancy asked the red unicorn tailor, currently picking himself up off the floor. "They didn't hurt you none, did they?"
"Naw, just my pride, son." He dusted himself off with his hooves. "Thank the great horsemaster your mother didn't live to see what this neigggggh-borhood has become."
Fancy winced at the mention of the Horsemaster... the deity that made him and his family stick out like a sore hoof from the majority of Equestria's Celestia-worshipping population. That was one of the reason he and his father was confined to these ghettoes, despite all of his father's hard work- no landlord would rent them a tailor shop in the nicer neighborhoods.
"Mark my words, boy.... I'll see to it you get out of here." Parsifal Pants told him, levitating the needle back up to start sewing up a pair of torn trousers. "I didn't slave my whole life so you would have ta spend the rest of your life in this sinkhole."
"Don't worry dad, I swear I'll keep studying in school." He tossed the tip he had earned into his dad's hooves, and went back towards his room to study. "I'll show them money isn't everything, and that if he earns his reputation by deeds, a pauper pony can be a prince in equestria!"
His father laughed. "That boy... always quoting those fancy novels he reads!" Before she died, his wife had made the right choice sending Fancy to that prep school for gifted Unicorns, even though it cost them every bit they had.
It was late that night when he was asleep, that a triple-crowned cutie mark appeared on the late-blooming boy's flank.
It was also later that week that he came home from work to find his father's shop ablaze.
"What's going.... oh no....pop!" He galloped towards the tailor shop in a panic! "NO! POP!"
Before he could run inside, several pairs of hooves stopped him, dragging the screaming teen back from the blaze. Concerned neighbors barely held a screaming, tear-faced Colt back from running in to save a stallion who was already immolated.
"No! Let me go!" The young colt screamed. "My pop's still in there!"
"You can't do anything, kid!" The gruff old stallion from across the street restrained him with his hooves. "Yer old man is done for! I'm sorry!"
It took the Fireponys three hours to snuff the blaze. The old couple across the street allowed him to stay with them until he could get on his hooves. Nopony was at the funeral except for Fancy... because nopony else really cared.
The gangs had finally stuck their blow against the old tailor, and burned a lesson into Fancy Pant's mind. That young colt swore to get out of this ghetto, and earn the success and prestige to come back and bury Manehatten's criminal element for what they had done.
He would be the pony...... that every pony should know......
My hard work and studying had earned me the right to attend University....
"I say, Bertie old chap.... do you really need to keep going on like that?"
Fancy Pants and two of his friends. Berite and Derby Downs, had just finished thier classes, and were trotting back to their dormitories. Bertie, as always, was making a fool of himself, jumping over fences without using his wings, trying to impress the young ladies from the filly dorms. Derby, a brown earth pony, was instead trying to discuss politics and it's relation with the stock market.
"Now I say old boy, all this talk of war with the Griffons has hurt the market terribly, no one wants to invest in War Time!" Derby complained. "Mark my words, Fancy, war is coming... and it shall be a bleak day for the business world!"
"Ahh, but there's where you are in error, my friend!" Fancy Pants replied with a smile. "The talk of war shall drive the market so far down, it will bring both governments to the negotiating table. No politician wants to be the one that both starts a war and costs jobs!"
As they were talking, a beautiful young mare trotted her way over to the two of them.
"Excuse me...Fancy Pants?"
"Oh? Why yes, my dear!" He asked politely. "What can I do for you?"
"My name's Trophy Bridle... and I have to say... your performance in the last Iron Pony competition was simply amazing!" A smaller sized earth pony mare, her lavender coat and blonde hair were the every of every other Mare on campus. Fancy and Bertie speculate what her golden trophy cutie mark was probably for. "You out-performed the other competitors with a dignity and prowess rarely seen in aristocratic stallion!"
"Why thank you, my dear!" The young stallion replied with a blush. "You are far too kind."
"I was wondering if you would care to tell me more of your athletic activities." The debutante mare replied. "Over.. say.... dinner, perhaps?"
Fancy Pants looked stunned, but then quickly recovered himself. "I would be delighted to, my dear." He said with a bow. "Perhaps we cold dine at the silver saddle? I'll stop by the filly's doems at seven."
"Splendid!" Trophy replied. "Be sure to wait at the back entrance, so the dorm monitor doesn't see you!"
As trophy and Fancy pants each trotted off there separate ways, Bertie mumbled to derby. "Why is it that he gets all the attention from the fillies?"
-----
And so it was that the prevoiusly lonely young Stallion had now accquired a compaion to spend is time with. And with her by his side, the rest of the semester flew by like a Pegasus in an arieal competition.
After his departure from the ghetto, Fancy Pants had used the scholarship money he had earned with his grades- along with what little he had saved from his bag-colt job- to get into Ponyford University- the finest secondary education bits could buy. He poured his heart and soul into his courses, excelling at not only at the fields of history and archeology , but also in everything athletic and extracurricular the University had to offer. On his dorm wall, hung a picture of Fancy with the school's rowing team, right beside a picture of him with Pony Theta Kappa.
Fancy Pants never talked about his family much, merely mentioning his father had died in a terrible fire. He was determined to never let anyone know where he had come from. Fancy had become a total chameleon, blending in with these rich stuck-ups so thoroughly that they never suspected he was from the ghetto. He hated them, of course... this rich snobs were the ones responsible for his family being in the gutter.
The sole exceptions were Bertie and Derby, whom he had met in his Philosophy class during his first semester. They had become good friends, and had come to do everything together. Then there was Trophy, the lovely little flower whom had approached him at the end of his sophmore year, and had proven to be a very dear and charming companion. They had been dating for about a year, when Fancy began to wonder if it might not be time to reveal the truth of his humble origins to his friends.... surely they would except him for who he was!
Fancy was on his way over to meet his companions and the coffee shop to meet his companions... when he over heard three voices talking'
"Can you believe it? They were going to let a commoner into this university! How Vulgar!"
That sounded like.... Bertie's voice? No, it couldn't be, his friend would never say anything like that.
"Though you have to admit... with as far down the flank as this university as been sliding, should come as no surprise they are letting vermin enroll now!"
Was that... Derby's voice? His dear friend, the son of the wonderbolts racetrack owner in Canterlot.... Fancy Pants could feel his heart sinking in his chest, when a third voice drove a dagger through his heart.
"Could you imagine ponies of a lesser pedigree running around the university grounds? It's appalling!" A female pony snorted. "You would certainly never catch me dallying with one of those uncouth ruffians!"
It was at the end of their conversation, that Fancy spotted them, and they saw him. They couldn't understand why he galloped away so suddenly instead of coming over.
"I say, Fancy, we're over here!"
"Where in the name of Celestia does he think he's going?"
"Fancy.... come back..."
The end of his senior year was coming soon, Fancy reasoned, he could finish his Liberal Arts degree, and get out of here. He had heard there were opportunities out west, perhaps he could seek his fortune there.
...
He tried to put out of his mind things like playing croquet with his two friends, or having his first kiss under the moonlight with Trophy. He would forget the warm meal they had shared at the little cafe, and how they had paddled out into the middle of that little lake in a rowboat. Trophy had wanted to pursue that night much farther than a kiss, but something of the morality his father had instilled in him held him back, and told him to wait. Now, he would never get the chance.
No, it was best to put that part of his life behind him, and look to the future. The whole tapestry of his life was spread out before him, and there were a thousand adventures to be had! As he walked back to his dorm, he could ony see the very bright future that lay on his horizon....
I made the first part of my fortune out on the open plains...
Fancy Pants pulled his tattered fedora down over his face, to keep the dust out of his eyes. The dry desert wind tore at his multicolored Poncho, as he looked out across the dusty plain.
"Hm, looks like I won't be putting the cows out to graze this afternoon." He thought to himself.
As the harsh desert winds howled in his ears, the young Stallion reflected on how he had gotten here. As soon as he had finished university, Fancy had taken what was left of his financial resources to make his way out to the west. He had taken up work as a higher hand to a cattle rancher. Out here, he had learned to respect the power of the elements, and that a Pony- who thought of themselves as the center of the world- really was a little thing in the grande scheme of existence.
"Fancy Pants!" Slim, the ranch owner yelled out to him from the barn. "Get your flank in here! We got a problem!"
The cowpony trotted into the barn, expecting to see some hay that needed bailed. What he did not expect to see was an empty barn, completely bereft off all his livestock. But that is exactly the sight that greeted the unicorn's eyes.
"The cows... what...."
"Stolen, Fancy." His earth Pony boss grumbled. "I'd spect it was the work of them no good buffalo!"
"Standing Bison would never do this." Fancy thought to himself. "I'd better go talk to the tribe!"
The cowpony galloped out towards the buffalo village... he had befriended these majestic creatures when he had first arrived here. They had been distrustful at first, but they gradually came to trust the only pony who treated them with any respect.
"Thunderhooves, I need to talk to your father!" Fancy galloped up to his young friend, nearly out of breath. "My boss thinks the Buffalo stole our cattle!"
"What? That's ridiculous!" The young buffalo snorted. The son of chief Standing Bison, Thunderhooves was the first friend Fancy had made out here. The two got along well enough, and Fancy Pants was convinced that his friend would make an excellent chief some day. "What would our tribe do with a bunch of cows? They would eat up all of our food in no time!"
"Father's still in the medicine lodge." Thunderhooves replied."He was surprise attacked by two rough looking stallions he had just happened to come across."
It didn't take long before Fancy Pants put two and two together, and he knew what had happened to his boss's head of cattle.
"Thuderhooves." The cowpony narrowed his eyes. "Which way did those ornery ponies go?"
...
West of the village, two pony outlaws herded their stolen cattle towards the open plains, laughing about how easy their latest theft had been.
"Can you believe that dopey city unicorn, they had guarding these critters?" The brown outlaw chuckled. "It was a cinch gettin the herd away under his watch!"
"Haw Haw! And the feather ah left in the barn will make 'em think the buffalo did it!" The green stallion chortled. "Shame we had ta rough up that buffalo ta get it!"
It was then, that an angry young buffalo leapt in front of the two of them, and charged at the brown one, knocking the surprised outlaw over.
"Why you little-" The green one charged at her, but was was his by a large rock, and sent sprawling.
"Good shot, my friend!" Thunderhooves exclaimed. "That unicorn levitation magic of yours is formidable!"
Fancy smiled at his friend, as he tied the two ruffians up. "Come on, lets get these two back to the ranch, and clear your people's good name!"
...
Fancy's boss was well pleased with his efforts, and even gave him a large raise for his heroism. The Unicorn cowpony became very popular amongst the rancher community.At the very next hoedown, every cowfilly fought to dance with him.
"Ohhh! Fancy! Over here! Dance with me!"
"No no! dance with meeee!"
The fillies swarmed over him causing him to duck out of the room. "Ladies, ladies, please! Control yourselves!" He galloped out of the barn, and ran to the water trough to get a drink.
"Trouble with the fillys, eh?" His boss came trotting up, as Fancy finished lapping up the water. "Boy, in mah younger days, ah've been there!"
"I've just had enough of silly fillies, sir." Fancy sighed. "From here on out, I'm just going to wait for the right one."
"You've done such a good job since you got here, boy." The old earth pony whinnied. "Gettin up at the crow of th' rooster, milkin the cows, bailin' the hay. Ah have to admit... ah was skeptical 'bout hiring a city slicker pony, but you shore proved youself a hard worker!"
"Thank you, sir... I deeply appreciate your compliments." Fancy thanked him. "Did you make the arrangements I asked you to?"
"Yep, made the recommendation to the police commissioner in Manehatten, like y'all asked me to. Y'all have a job waitin' fore ya there on the force." The rancher shook his mane. "Y'all sore ya don't want ta stay out heah? Ah can make ya'll a partnuh in the ranch business, and mah daughter's takin quite a fancy to y'all."
"I'm sorry, sir... but I have some bushiness to take care of back in the city." Fancy's eyes narrowed. "I have some old friends of my father's who are in the need of some payback!"
"Well, with all th' bits y'all made yeah, ya should be set for life!" His boss chuckled. "Good luck to y'all son, it was an honor ta have y'all work fah me."
"Thank you, sir." Fancy Pants replied, tipping his fedora. "I promise I'll stop back to visit very time I get the chance!"
As the unicorn cowpony trotted away, his boss snickered. "Y'all really are a hard worker... but y'alls the only cowpony ah know who wears a fancy city fedora instead of a cowpony hat!"
"I hate to interrupt you darling, don't you think you might possibly be boring our guest?"
Fancy Pants dropped his monocle, and looked up in utter shock and surprise at his wife.
"Fleur! My word!" The unicorn's eyes went wide. "You've always loved my stories! You always adore hearing my dramatic tales of how I came up from nothing!"
"Indeed I do, my dear." The pink unicorn smiled, levitating the teapot to pour more tea for their honored guests. "And I know that many of our guests call upon us, to have you regale them with your heroic tales of sweeping the streets of Manehatten clean of crime, or your stories of your great exploits during the war. But don't you think the hour is growing late?"
"Egad! You are correct as usual, dearest! It's high time to break from storytelling, for a nice warm spot of tea!" The stallion smacked his forehead with his hoof. "I say, I do not know what I would without this charming mare in my life!"
As she finished pouring the tea, Fleur De Lis climbed up onto Fancy's back, and struck a reclining Pose.
"That has always been her favorite perch when we are relaxing... as you can clearly see." The unicorn stallion laughed, looking up at the mare reclining on his back. "She was a fashion model early in her life, you know. Graced the cover of every top fashion magazine in Canterlot a few years back. Photo Finish 'discovered' her when she was only nineteen."
"Dreadful mare, no kindness or compassion in her heart whatsoever." Fleur added nonchalantly. "But she can do wonders with a camera."
"Fleur came from a neighborhood in Fillydelphia that was... not as well off, as where I was raised." Fancy took a sip of his Samurai ponychai tea. "And with seven siblings, a two room apartment can be..."
"....simply dreadful." Fleur responded, resting her head on top of Fancy's mane.
"She earned enough money to get her family out of that dreadful place." The male unicorn continued. "And with the wealth she earned in her newfound profession, my dearest Fleur was able to move up through the ranks... into Cantelot high society."
"Garden Parties, high society dinners, charity auctions." She glanced at her hoof polish in a bored manner. "Every eligible Stallion in the city was asking for the honor of taking me to the opera!"
"Unfortunately, it was all pomp and circumstance." Fancy Pants replied sadly. "All of the attention of these vain upper-class ponies was on my dear wife's beauty, rather than who she was on the inside."
"All those Stallions... hansome, rich stallions... they didn't care about my personality... or my intellect... or my likes and my dislikes." Fleur replied, the anger rising in her voice. "All that they paid any attention to was how I waved my flank as I walked!"
"Yes, well..." The embarrassed Fancy Pants continued, flustered that his wife was losing her composure like this. "It was rather a tragedy that these rich snobs couldn't appreciate for the wonder pony she is inside."
"But it was always my looks that got me attention, you know!" Fleur narrowed her eyes, her voice slipping out of her Canterlot upper crust accent, and degenerating into a rustic Fillydeplhia twang. "They never thought this girl had a brain, even though I could keep up with them in Science, or Politics, or Art! Nope, as far as they’re concerned, I got ahead by being a wh-"
"Darling! Please! Compose yourself!" Fancy Pants interrupted her. "While there is nothing wrong with expressing your true feelings in front of present company, you had best remember to maintain control when we are in front of the Canterlot elite."
"Of course, dearest! Quite right!" Fluer replied, regaining her composure, and settling into her previous resting position on Fancy Pant's back. "We can't have these spoiled children discovering our modest origins. You wouldn't be able to help the lower classes from within high society any longer."
"These spoiled children are so easy to control, you see." Fancy Pants told his visitors with a smirk. "If they think you're somepony important, they'll do anything you tell them is 'fashionable'."
"Tell them wearing paper bags on their heads is fashionable, and they'll wear two." Fleur thought for a moment. "Though I do recall seeing a mare in high society once, who did wear a paper bag on her head,..."
"Merely a mare living life her life by her own rules, instead of thinking what it's trendy to think." The unicorn stallion replied. "It's a trait I can respect and admire, to be sure. I truthfully believe think for oneself is a lost art among all of the high class ponies of Canterlot... save for ourselves and the Princesses, of course."
"It is no wonder the nobility sticks to thier estates in the countryside, and leaves the capital to the low-born rich." Fleur agreed. "As wonderful and exciting as the city life is, the company we have to keep in living here, is almost enough to drive us out of Canterlot ourseselves."
"Almost, Fleur, almost." Fancy sipped his tea again. "We both must admit we love the bustle and excitement of the capital. It would be a very boring life for the two of us without it!"
"Are you going to tell them how we met, my darling?" Fleur asked her husband, shifting to another pose on his back.
"Ahhh, patience my dear!" Fancy Pants told her, a smile on his face. "We're not to that point in our jolly good tale yet. We should tell this story in proper sequence, don't you think?"
"Of course, darling, you are quite right." Fluer replied quickly. "Do pick up from where you left off...."
"Well, as I was saying." Fancy Pants continued. "I had just returned from my adventures in the west, and taken a job with the constabulary force in Manehatten, where I intended to enforce my policy of 'speak softly, and carry a long horsewhip'..."
He could feel the rain beating down... the endless steam of the heaven's tears rhythmically drumming on the cobblestones his hooves trotted over. His weather-beaten long coat and fedora protected him from the worst of the ongoing torrent, but nothing could protect his mind from the torrent of memories being in this place brought forth.
Looking around at the broken down buildings and peeling paint of the street signs, he could remember....oh could her remember a time when this place was a little less worn and grey. Looking into the darkened window of a long-closed toy shop, he could remember a young colt receiving a toy train from his father for Hearth Warming day. As he passed a boarded-up school, he could remember a young colt getting his first kiss from a filly on the playground. The panicking colt running in circles, and screaming that she had given him cooties.
He had known that the Pegasus had a downpour scheduled for this evening, but her had preferred coming here in the rain. It meant he would be left alone with his thoughts. Besides, any ponies refused to come down to this old neiiighborhood, because it was rumored to be haunted. For him, this was true... it was haunted by the memories of a lost past. And the images of ponies one had known and loved were more frightening ghosts than anything else his mind could come up with.
He approached a small building in the western part of the old ghetto- the Horsemasterist temple he and his father had attended every week when he had been a colt. The old place looked a little more alive and inviting than the rest of this run-down horsehole, but not by much. As he approached, he recognized an old unicorn stallion locking up the gates and getting ready to go home. He trotted up to the old grey pony, and greeted him.
"Hello, Padre." The young unicorn greeted him, taking his fedora off. "It's been awhile."
The old unicorn with the star cutie mark spun around, and through the glow of his horn, stared into the face of this newcomer.
"Fancy Pants?" The old unicorn's gravelly voice asked. "Is that you, lad?"
"Yep, Padre Coltner, it's me. " The younger stallion replies. "The prodigal pony has come home."
"Good to see you again, m'boy." The old horse grinned. "Come on lad, let's get inside where we can talk."
---------
"Ah, the old neiggghborhood hasn't changed much lad...only for the worse." The old stallion poured a cup of hot Coca for his guest. "A new generation has grown up in the misery that you knew so well during your younger years."
"And the great rich and elite of the city do nothing to help these poor ponies out." Fancy sipped his coca, keeping his anger in check. "They leave the ghettoes to the Goat mob and the street gangs to evict ponies, beat them, and leave them to starve to death on the street."
"The ponies down here are disillusioned, lad." The old stallion shook his mane. "My congregation has only grown, as more and more of the impoverished ponies turn away from the solar princess who seems to care little for their troubles, and embrace the teachings of the Horsemaster."
"Perhaps that's why she got me out of here, Padre." Fancy Pants ate the melted marshmallows out of the top of his mug. "To come back and help these downtrodden Manehattenites."
"Aye, lad. I been hearin' your a constable in the local precinct now." Padre Coltner commented. "Gonna try and clean this ruffians out o' the old neiiggggborhood, are ye now?'
"Not try, Padre." A wry smile crossed the stallion's face. "I have a plan to get both the goats and the street gangs all in one go."
-----------
The old warehouses near the Manhatten docks, were the scene of many a shady deal. It was here, that constable Pants's informant had told him a deal over a shipment of loco weed was supposed to go down. Fancy and six other constables were waiting behind a stack of crates, waiting for their opportunity.
"You sure this is the right place, fancy?" Nightstick, a green unicorn stallion whispered. "We received a tip that the deal was going to happen on Stallion island, in the shadow of the Statue of Harmony."
"I trust my source, Nightstick." Fancy whispered back. "This is where the mob and the thunder trotters gang are going to have their exchange."
They both fell silent, as the door to the warehouse was pulled open. There was the sound of large, powerful hooves stepped onto the warehouse floor. As the police looked on, two large goats wearing suit jackets and ties walked in, surrounded by an entourage of Pony enforcers.
"It's Don Linguini, the boss of the entire borough of Bucklin!" Nightstick whinnied in awe. "But who's the goat beside him?"
"That's Grogar, his up-and-coming Hench goat." Fancy whispered back. "He made a name for himself across the river in New Jockey. Wanted for the death of 13 pony politicians."
Fancy Pants bristled in anger. Ponies were, for the most part, incapable of hating each other- otherwise a bunch of Windigo ice spirits would descend from the sky, and freeze all of Equestria solid. So it fell to the goats to run Equestria's organized crime, hiring the few evil ponies that did exist to act as their lackeys and enforcers. And ones of those evil ponies, the gang leader named scarfhoof, came through the door right then.
Fancy Pants bristled in anger. It was him, the slime who ordered a Tailor shop in the ghetto burned down all those years ago. Fancy felt the rage build up inside him, but kept it in check as the two sides began to talk.
"Yo ponies, why the long faces?" Don Linguini asked, as Grogar and his lackeys burst out laughing, even though most of them were ponies, as well.
"Very funny, Linguini." Scarhoof hissed. The yellow earth pony street gang leader stared up at the goats. "Did youse bring the stuff?"
Grogar stamped his hoof, and a crate was lowered by crane from the ceiling. "Fourteen tons of Loco Weed, grown across the border to the south in Blarkland, and Smuggled into Equestria."
"It's incredible we get this stuff in, right under the nose of the alicorn tramp and her bureaucracy." Linguini gave an evil laugh. "By the time Celestia's finest uncover our little operation, the whole kingdom will be a bunch of burned-out addicts!”
“Hooves to the sky, all of you!” The six unicorn stallion constables rose from behind the crates. “You’re all under arrest!”
“It’s the colts!” Several of the gang members screamed, galloping for the door. They were met by several Pegasus constables outside , who flashed spotlights down on them. Seeing they were outnumbered, the thugs threw their hooves up and surrendered.
“You’ll never take us alive, flat hooves!” Grogar ran into the crates, causing them to tumble down. Linguini charged two of the fallen constables, knocking them across the room. Nightstick and three of the others put a bubble force field around the two goats, trapping them.
“You’ll not be goin anywhere, boyos!” Nightstick yelled. “Y’all be awnserin to the local magistrate fer yer misdeeds!”
Scarhoof had run out the side door unnoticed, but was met in the alley by an angry Officer Pants.
“Look, I’ll pay you anything you want, but just lemme go, and forget you ever saw me!” The crook wailed.
“Can you bring my father back to life, Scarhoof?” Fancy Pants snorted in anger. “Can you undo burning down Parsifal Pants’s tailor shop?”
“Fancy!” The earth pony thug yelled in surprise. “Never thought I’d see youse back here. Pity ya won’t be around fer long! Say hello to my little friends!”
Everything happened so quickly, Fancy would recall later. Scarhoof brought his brass-horseshoe clad hooves up towards his head, inteding to kill him. And in self defense, Fancy Pants let out a powerful magical blast, fueled by his anger towards the pony he was facing. The energy vaporized the evil stallion, leaving his brass horseshoes clattering on the ground.
Officer Fancy Pants collapsed to the ground, staring at the scorched spot where his father’s killer had been.
“It’s finally over.” He whispered to himself. ------- It was only a few years later, that a now chief of the Manehatten constables, stood outside his old neighborhood on a sunny day. Shops and stores were open again, and young colts and fillies played on the playground at the community park. Fresh coats of paint were being applied to the local buildings, and the memories of this place being a ghetto were slowly fading away.
“You’ve done a fine job these past few years, lad, cleaning up Manehatten.” Padre Coltner offered, trotting up to Fancy. “And ye avenged yer father. But ah have to wonder…. I know that Linguini died in Prision a few months back, but whatever happened to Grogar? I heard he had some kind of diplomatic immunity, due to connections with the ambassador from Blarkland.”
“Deported to the Purple mountains in the North.” Fancy Pants replied. “The Equestrian High courts decided to let the Griffons kingdoms deal with him.”
“And you’re off now too, I hear.” The old Padre adjusted his spectacles. “Resigned from your position this morning, and are preparing for your next great adventure?”
Fancy Pants nodded. “There’s a war going on, and they need good stallions on the front. I’m going to see what I can do for my country.”
The old stallion nodded. "Yer a good lad, Fancy, and you'll go far in this world. But don't be forgettin who ya are, or where ya came from."
"I won't Padre, I promise." Fancy hugged his family's old friend, before trotting away, towards an unknown future.
"Gatling! Get two stallions on that ridge! NOW!" Fancy Pants yelled, as boulders crashed all around him. "We need to take their position by nightfall!"
Captain Pants and his stallions were hunkered down in a trench, just below the san kettle hill. A strong defensive position held by the griffins, the captain was determined to get his battalion out of this trench, and capture that hilltop.
"Squawker! Where's that air support I asked for?" Fancy roared. "We need them here, ASAP!"
"Sorry captain!" The unicorn, who was sending and receiving telepathic reports through his horn, replied. "The Pegasus squadrons have their hands full! The ninth and fifteenth squadrons are having a hard time protecting Tambleon, and I can't even raise the tenth!"
"Blast it! We're on our own then!" Fancy roared, his mane bristling in anger. He and his ponies shouldn't even be here! Those stupid Griffins, starting this war over a ridiculous border dispute! Equestria rarely went to war with anypony, but those few times that diplomacy failed, Princess Celestia would call up small volunteer units to fight in the name of the crown. His unit here, the Rough Trotters, was one such group.
"Captain!" Squawker shrieked. "The griffin bombers are coming around for another pass!"
"Unicorn shields up!" Fancy yelled, as the griffins overhead unleashed a hail of the boulders they were carrying. The Unicorn energy shields deflected most of them, but one huge one smacked the earth pony Gatling on the head, knocking him out.
"Gatling NO!" The captain roared. Looking around in the trench, Fancy saw all the unconscious ponies in the trench. Those blasted griffons, they had wiped out half his force! Though he and his ponies had knocked out quite a few griffins, as well.
At least nopony had been killed in this conflict. To the Ponies of Equestria, killing unless under absolute dire necessity was a violation of the ideals of friendship they held so dear. And the absolute honor of the Griffins forbade them from escalating the combat to killing, if their opponents refused to kill... even at the risk of losing. So the 'war' had descended into a long game of shifting positions, knocking unconscious, and taking prisoners.
"Captain! We've got a ten-minute respite!" Squawker yelled. "The bombers have gone back to reload!"
"All right, stallions!" Fancy Pants roared. "Before the next volley, we’re going over the top!"
"Captain! I wanted to speak to you!" A young earth pony private, named Boltine, came galloping up. "Before we go over the top, the men and I got something for you!"
"What is it, Private?" Fancy asked. This young blue earth pony with the blonde mane was the newest recruit to Fancy's unit.
He held up a small black box with a lid. "The men and I all pitched in, and got these for your birthday!" The young stallion with the black ascot exclaimed. "Since you having trouble seeing at your age, and all."
The thirty-year-old fancy scowled at the crack about his age, then opened the box. Inside, there was a pair of spectacles on a string... ones that perfectly matched his tan hat and coat.
"Why, these are magnificent! Thank you, men!" He slipped the spectacles over his eyes. "Now I can see to give those bullies a good whopping!" He stamped his hooves in excitement. "Bullies! bullies, I say! Bully!"
The men cheered at his comment, and Fancy decided he'd have to remember that line.
Just as they were about to go over the top of the trench, however, a mare's voice could be heard coming up from behind the Ponies' lines.
"Boltine? Are you here?"
A Yellow earth pony with a blonde mane, looked down into the trench. Private Boltine looked up at her in shock.
"Valentine? What are you doing here?" The blue earth pony asked in shock.
"Private, do you know this mare?" Fancy Pants asked, annoyed.
"This is Valentine, Capitan." Boltine explained, "She's my girl, from back in Phillydelhpia."
"I was worried about you, Boltine." She replied. "I came to see if you were all right!"
"We don't have time for this!" Capitan Pants snorted. "Boltine, stay with her. The rest of you... charge the San Kettle hill! TO GLORY!"
Invigorated by their Capitan’s words, the Stallions poured out of the trenches and galloped towards the enemy lines. Stallions slammed into griffins, biting and stomping their enemies with all of their might. Fancy himself blasted six griffons into unconsciousness that day, and urged his men to beat his score.
A half hour had passed into the battle, when Fancy Pants and his still six standing stallions planted the flag on top of the hill. A sea of unconscious griffins and ponies surrounded them... proof of thier hard won victory.
"Well done, troops!" Captain Pants replied. "Your victory here shall be the stuff of legends!"
It was at that moment that the clouds began to gather on the horizon. Suddenly, a colossal funnel cloud descended from the heavens.
"What in the name of the horsemaster is THAT?" Fancy Pants asked in shock.
"Sir! Its a death funnel spell!" Squawker yelled in shock. "Some unicorn mages in the seventh unit made it, and lost control! It's rampaging all over the battlefield!"
"We need to get out of here!" One of the stallions whinnied in terror. "It'll kill us all!"
"We can't leave these unconscious ponies and griffins here on the battlefield!" Fancy replied. "Stand your ground, stallions!"
Back behind the lines, Boltine and Valentine watched the column of wind descend on the battlefield.
"Valentine, make a run for it!" Boltine told her. "I'll be right behind you."
Nodding, she nuzzled him. As Valentine galloped away into the sunset, a single tear rolled down Boltine's cheek. When she was out of sight, the brave lad jumped out of the trench, and galloped towards the maelstrom.
"Boltine... NO!" Fancy yelled, as soon as he saw the young stallion. He knew what the boy was going to do, as he remembered his magic lessons from his youth...
"Remember, class... a death funnel spell that goes out of control can be stopped by a pony's sacrifice... but this method is to NEVER be used....
Before Fancy could even make a move, Boltine had raced into the heart of the storm. The winds lifted the young stallion up into the air, and tore his fragile body into tiny idescrnible pieces.
"BOLTINE! NO!" Valentine Shrieked, as she looked back to see if he was following her... like he had promised. Before her tear-streaked eyes, flashed all of her dreams of a home, a family, and a life with the stallion she loved. Dreams that were torn to pieces, even as the whirlwind died down.
"BOLTIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEE!"
......
"The Griffins agreed to a peace agreement, in honor of the young stallion's sacrifice." Princess Celestia told them. "They feel he died with honor."
Less than a week later, Fancy and his Rough Trotters stood before Princess Celestia herself in Canterlot, having received medals for their bravery on the battlefield. He had long looked forward to his first meeting with the Princess, but right now, he didn't feel much like celebrating.
"In honor of Boltine's bravery, I am commissioning a new order of Royal knights... the Big Brother Ponies. They shall watch out for and protect all other equines, as if they were thier own younger siblings." Princess Celestia looked down at Boltine's ascot, lying on the desk before her. It was the only piece they had found of him. “They will all wear ascot neck scarves, to remember that brave pony... who gave his life for Equestria."
Fancy looked to his left, and saw the sobbing Valentine, who quietly walked out of the ceremony. "He was only a lad.." The unicorn thought to himself. Boltine had a girl, a future... he was an older unicorn, with no ties to anypony. It should have been him who had charged into that cloud... not a bright young soldier, barely out of colthood. He had had every reason to live, blast it! So why had Boltine had to die, while Fancy Pants the coward kept on living?
The ceremony ended, and Fancy Pants trotted away by himself. Putting his on his spectacles... the last thing that brave lad had given him.. and trotted away. When he had first volunteered to lead a unit two years ago, Fancy Pants had thought this would be a splendid little war. But after countless battles... and actually watching a brave pony die under his command... Fancy Pants wanted nothing more than to get far, far away.
It was late afternoon in Canterlot, as as the wealthy ponies who lived there prepared for that evening's parties, dinners, and social events. The well-to-do unicorns who sat in the upper echelons of Equestrian society, made ready too attend the events that would make or brake their reputations. It was among these events, that grand art gallery opening at the canterlot museum was being held. And among those ponies invited to attend, was one whose reputation had proceeded him into the elite of Canterlot. A war hero, a crime fighter, and a rough cowpony, who had trotted the rugged plains of the frontier.
"I say, Sky Runner... would you be a good chap, and straighten my tie for me?"
"Sure, Fancy Pants! Give me a sec here..."
Fancy pants was preparing for the party, with the help of his friend, Sky Runner- a white unicorn with a black mane, and Evening star cutie mark. The child of two Pegasus from Cloudsdale, Sky Runner had been named before he was born, out of the certainty that he would turn out like his Parents. When he turned out to be a Unicorn, his disappointed mother and father quietly shipped him off to Celestia's school of Magic. He had excelled in his studies, until angering the wrong Pony. Now he was a lowly clerk- a waste of this unicorn's potent magical ability. Fancy had befriended him, and was determined to get him out of the straits the young mage had found himself in.
"This could be your opportunity to impress the Canterlot elite, Fancy." His friend exclaimed. "You'll have those rich and pompous fools eating out of your hoof."
"If I play my cards right." Fancy replied, levitating his spectacles onto his face. "First impressions are always important, and I must make the very best one if I am to enter into high society."
After the War, Fancy had used the fortune he had slowly grown over the years to purchase a small estate on the outskirts of the capital. His reputation, and connections that he had formed over the years, were enough to guarantee his entry into the upper class. But it would be up to his own charm and charisma to keep him there.
After they had finished getting ready, the two trotted towards the museum. As they approached, Fancy could not help but admire the large white marble structure, with it's ornately decorated columns. At the entrance, the two unicorns had their ID's checked by the Pegasus guards, then trotted inside.
The interior was packed with ponies, a veritable who's who of Canterlot high society. Fancy recognized everypony from The up-and-coming fashion designer Hoity Toity, who was making a splash in the world of fashion, to Prince Blueblood, the teenage nephew of the Princess herself. The walls were decorated with the photographic artistry of Foto Finish, the famed pony photographer, who decided what was in style in Canterlot, and what was out.
It was at that point, that Sky Runner saw several mares off to the side, giggling to themselves. "Uh, Fancy? Will you excuse me, please?"
"What? Oh, of course... go ahead." Fancy Pants motioned him off, and started wandering through the gallery by himself, as his friend made a beeline for the pretty little fillies. The middle-aged unicorn wandered amongst the crowd, looking around at all of the young pony couples.
They all looked so happy together, laughing and chatting. His whole life, the adventurous unicorn had rejected all of the attempts of mares to lifebond with him, brushing off their advances. Looking at all of the happy stallions and their spouses, Fancy Pants began to wonder if he had made the right choice in doing so. Again and again , he had avoided forming an emotional bond with a mare and taking a mate... and he was depressed by the thought it may just be too late in life for him. Sighing, the lonely old stallion went over to look at one of the exhibits.
It was then he saw the photo... of one of the most exquisite and beautiful mares he had ever laid eyes on. She was reclining on a red velvet couch, staring out at him with seductive and alluring eyes. Her hypnotic gaze held him in place, and he was helpless before her beauty.
It was at the same time, that a very beautiful unicorn model was having an argument with her date on the other side of the room.
"No! Absolutely not!" The mare snorted angrily. "I do not want to go back to your place with you, nor do I ever wish to speak to you again!"
"But... sweet muffin!" The wormy little unicorn stallion pleaded, trying to get back on the white mare with the pink mane's good graces.
But she was having none of it. A mare can instinctively spot a bad stallion after talking to him for an hour or so, (one of the odd quirks of female pony genetics) and she knew this poser was a fake.
"Hmph!" The model snorted in contempt. Levitating a punch bowl over his head, she dumped an entire bowl of Cherry Delight on the spoiled unicorn.
"Aiee! My new jacket!" He wailed, running out of the gallery.
Snorting angrily, Fleur De Lis trotted over towards the other side of the room. "Another date with a stallion who turned out to be a creep!" She shook her head. "Are there no good males to lifebond with out there? Every one I've ever come across has been a total loser!"
It was then she saw Fancy Pants looking up at one of her centerfold portraits among the photos on the wall. Amused, she trotted up to him.
"You know, if you wanted to stare so much, you could just look at the real thing." Fleur said, startling him. "The model for that photo is right here."
"What? Oh!" He was stunned into silence, by this vision of loveliness before him. "I am sorry, my dear... I-I didn't mean to..."
"It's quite all right, good sir." She replied, smiling. "I sense no emotional lifebond with a mare." She thought to herself. "He's single... at his age?"
"My name is Fleur Di Lis, I'm a fashion model for Canterlot weekly. Whom do I have the pleasure of speaking to?"
"My lady, my name is Fancy Pants... and I am truly honored to have had the pleasure to have met you." He replied, bowing to her.
"Fancy Pants? The Hero of San Kettle hill?" She asked, surprised. "Your reputation precedes you, good sir."
“There’s something... sincere about him." She thought to herself. “He’s not like the others, I can feel it."
"The same." He replied. "So you're a fashion model? "What an... interesting profession."
"To be honest, my good Fancy, it is actually dreadfully boring." She waved her hoof dismissively. "In any event, it seems... rather dull over here. Can we go over and have a seat on that bench?"
The two trotted over to the bench, and sat down together. Fluer struck a reclining pose next to him, and they began to talk. Much to his surprise, Fancy found this young model had quite a head on her shoulders, knowing about the places he had been to, and things that he had seen. While she was surprised to find a stallion with common interests- one who wasn't a shallow jerk who wanted to force the lifebond with a mare he had nothing in common with, and get into her bedroom.
Before either of them knew what had happened, they both had agreed to meet the next day for lunch. Over the course of the following week, they appeared at all of the social functions together, and caused quite a stir with the Canterlot press. While dating a mare like Fleur helped raise him in the eyes of the Canterlot elite, all Fancy cared about was spending time with Fleur.
"I say, Sky Runner!" The old stallion told his friend. "I do think this Fleur is an extraordinary young lady!"
"At least you're having better luck than I am!" Sky Runner sighed. "I struck out with those mares at the opening!"
"Cheer up, my good fellow!" Fancy said reassuringly. "You'll find the right mare someday!"
That night, Fleur and Fancy met aboard Prince Blueblood's new air-yacht. They sat together, staring up at the stars.
"It is simply dreadful that all of those stallions called you a loose tramp!" Fancy snorted angrily. Everypony knew a stallion and a mare couldn’t do... that,,, without a lifebond being formed! It wasn't choice... it was simple pony biology! “If I saw those scoundrels, I would give them a sound thrashing!"
"But I came up from the streets, you know." Fleur sighed. "I came up from nothing... only because of my looks."
"Ah, but it wasn't just your beauty, my dear." He told her. "For you had the brains and talent to put those looks to good use, and get your family out of that terrible ghetto."
She smiled... and then did something totally unexpected. She climbed up onto his back, and stuck a model pose on top of him.
As she nuzzled his mane, Fancy Pants felt her emotions reaching into his mind, trying to form the lifebond with him.
Was this right, he wondered... to take a mare half his age as his mate? This was a bond that a pony could form only once in their lives, how did he know he wasn't making a mistake?
But unlike his dallying with Trophy, this felt ...right. And Fleur was unlike any mare he had met before.
As the model climbed off his back, Fancy Pants stepped forward and kissed her, letting the emotional bond between the two of them form.
Fancy Pants trotted his way through the jungle, hacking and slashing his way though the undergrowth with his levitated machete. The unicorn swatted mosquitoes away with his tail, and kept his head low to block the burning light of the sun out of his eyes. It was far too hot and far too humid for his liking, but that had never stopped this bold and determined unicorn when the chips were down!
Taking off his pith helmet, the white unicorn wiped the sweat off his brow, and checked his map again. The airship that had brought him here had dropped him at the coast, and he had trudged his way though miles and miles of uncivilized wilderness. His target lay somewhere ahead, and the unicorn adventurer prayed he made it to his goal, before something far more threatening did!
It had been a plea for help that had brought Fancy Pants here... a request from the highest pony in the land. It had only been four day ago, when he had received a letter from none other than Princess Celestia herself. The Alicorn told him that the royal nephew and niece, Prince Blueblood and Princess Rosaline, had disappeared while on safari in these dangerous lands. And the Solar Princess, had turned to the most famous and influential hero in Canterlot to bring them back, alive and unharmed. With Fleur busy at a photo shoot in Trottingham, it fell to Fancy to make this tiring journey alone.
As he made his way into the deep jungle, Fancy came to a clearing at the crest of a hill. "I say..." He gasped under his breath, as the magnificent sight of the jungle floor stretched out before him. In the distance, Fancy could see the towering forms of Ancient step pyramids towering over the treeline. Relics of the ancient Penna civilization, many a pony came to the southern continent to either explore them, or simply marvel at their awe-inspiring beauty. Fancy hazarded a guess that the two royals had come down here for the latter, and had run into some unforeseen trouble.
"H-help! Help me!"
As he descended into the valley, Fancy swore he could hear some stallion crying out in pain. Increasing his speed to a gallop, he raced down the hill, to find a brown earth pony collapsed on the ground before him. Blood was seeping out of the wounded equine's mouth, and his eyes were wide in sheer terror. Fancy guessed he was from The royal siblings entourage, and the shape he was in did not bode well of their safety.
"Don't worry, my good fellow, I got you!" Fancy lifted the stallion's head, and levitated his canteen up so the earth pony could drink.
"I say, what happened here?" Fancy asked the wounded pony, after he had drank his fill. "Where are the prince and Princess?"
"B-blueblood ignored the warning on the inscription.... o-opened a sealed door in the pyramid." The wounded Pony stuttered out. "An evil wind blew across all the ponies in our group... there were shrieks... and blood..." The stallion's eyes went wide in stark terror. "T-the fakies...THE FAKIES!"
"I say, just rest old boy... I'll be back for you." Fancy trotted forward... convinced that the Stallion behind him was delirious, due to some form of shock. The entourage had probably attacked by some Jaguar or Puma, and this stallion had gotten away wounded. He had to find the prince and princess, before something terrible happened to them.
"What no-NO!" The stallion pleaded, as Fancy started to trot off. "Don't leave me here alone! Don't leave me here- ARGHAAAH!"
Fancy spun around, to find the stallion's severed head landing at his feet.
"BY THE HORSEMASTER!" Fancy yelled in shock. Suddenly, the white unicorn found himself surrounded by nine ponies that emerged from the jungle... but these weren’t ordinary ponies. Their coats and flesh were cracked and peeling, as if it was poorly applied paint. Their hooves were chipped, ad their manes were half torn out. They stared at Fancy with a burning look of pure rage.
"Hm, so you must be these 'fakies' he was talking about." The unicorn muttered. To Fancy's horror, two of the fakies in the background were tearing the dead stallion's body to pieces and devouring it.
"Cannibals!" Fancy yelled in disgust, before taking off in a gallop towards the pyramid. The Fakies charged after him, quickly closing the distance between them, and nipping at the unicorn's tail. Spinning around, he hit them with a flash spell that blinded them, and dashed up the steps and into the open entrance on the building's side. Shaking of their daze, the creatures ran after him, but stopped just at the pyramid's entrance, staring in at Fancy, and snarling.
"I say, they can't enter the Pyramid for some reason!" The white unicorn yelled in realization.
"Exactly.. which is how we know your not one of them." A mare's voice said behind him.
Fancy spun around, to find a pink unicorn mare, and a white unicorn stallion hiding in the opening behind him. The stallion was cowering back against a wall, while the mare looked frightened and concerned, but mentally competent. Both were wearing torn safari gear.
"Princess Rosalyn Majesty! Prince Blueblood Majesty! You're alive!" Fancy Pants whinnied in surprise. "I was afraid those cannibals had devoured you!"
"And you're Sir Fancy Pants. I recognize you from your appearances at court." Rosalyn replied. "I'm guessing that Aunt Celestia sent you to rescue us?"
"Yes, that's correct." Fancy replied, nodding. "Did those creatures out there devour your entourage?"
"Those creatures were our entourage." Rosalyn growled, glaring back at her brother. "Bluebrain here ignored an inscription left by the ancient Penna, warning of a quarantined virus in the pyramid’s inner vault. It apparently turns ponies into fakies."
"Those monsters are going to get us!" The quivering Blueblood whined. "They're gonna eat us all up! WE'RE DOOMED!"
"We call them fakies, because they're nothing but pale imitations of ponies now." Rosalyn shook her mane. "I think the gate has a protection spell that keeps the infected out of the pyramid."
Fancy looked the two of them over. These two were not actually related to Princess Celestia- rather, they were the descendants of the old Unicorn royal line, adopted into the current royal family as a courtesy to the old unicorn loyalists at court (and to prevent the nationalists from using them as figureheads to rally around, for unicorn independence). The fact that one unicorn war hero had been sent to rescue them, instead of an entire battalion, was a telling sign as to how much they were actually valued.
"We're going to have to fight our way out of here, Princess." Fancy told her. "We'll have to disintegrate as many as we can while we run!"
"Should we really kill them though?" Rosalyn asked. "They are ponies, after all!"
"My dear princess." Fancy replied, shaking his mane. "Those creatures are no longer ponies."
Rosalyn nodded, then trotted over to her brother. "Come on, Blueblood! Let's go! We are going to have to make a run for it!"
"But it's beneath my royal station to run!" Blueblood whined.
"Little brother, if you don't run.. when we get back I'll tell everypony at court you sleep with your stuffed-"
"Okay! Let's go..." Blueblood whined.
The three of them suddenly burst out of the doorway, and broke into a gallop. The fakies were hot on their hooves, as Fancy Pants and Rosalyn hit them with magic blasts left and right. After disintegrating several that were blocking their path, the three unicorns charged straight up the hill.
"Keep moving!" Rosalyn shrieked. One of them managed to catch up to Blueblood, who was lagging behind.
"Help me!" Blueblood shrieked. Fancy immediately jumped back, and hind-kicked two of the fakies, sending them tumbling back down the hill. As three more rushed them from the front, the princess hit them with a jet stream of fire, destroying the three fakies on the spot.
"Good show, your highness!" Fancy yelled to her.
"Less talk, more running!": She snorted back. The three of them continued up the hill, where they saw a large shape moving down from the clouds.
"Look princess! There's our ride!" Fancy yelled, pointing his horn up to an approaching airship. "And I think they see us!"
The airship moved in closer, and the earth pony in the gondola motioned for them to jump aboard.
"We're going to have to jump for it!" She yelled back.
"I'll never make it!" The prince cried.
"NOW!" Fancy roared. The three of them leapt high over the drooling fakies, and Fancy and the Princess used their levitation magic to carry them safely up into the gondola. Blueblood slid across the inside, hitting the opposite wall with a loud SMACK!
"I say, princess! You are quite a capable fighter, for a delicate court flower!" Fancy yelled back to her, as he pulled himself back up.
"Thank you, good sir!" She whinnied back, standing up. “I actually hate being at court functions like the gala! But Celestia insists we attend!"
"You might like the gala, if you tried!" Blueblood exclaimed, pulling himself back up to his hooves. Rosalyn just scowled at him.
"Those, poor ponies." Fancy looked back down at the contaminated ponies below. "I'll send word to the unicorn battle corps to come back here, and put these creatures down." He shook his mane. "And let us pray we have seen the last of these 'Fakies'!"
"It was after my return from dealing with the fakies, that my position really rose in the eyes of the Canterlot elite!" Fancy Pants smiled at his company. "Oh, being a war hero was already an achievement enough. But to have rescued two members of the royal family? That was an achievement worth the notice!"
"It wasn't just because of my modeling career... that we were getting invited to all of the parties." Fleur continued, nuzzling her life mate. "My Fancy had risen into the high society though his own achievements... and his own hard work."
"Fleur soon retired from her modeling career, and I used my fortune to become the most influential pony in Canterlot." Fancy continued, slipping his monocle into his eye. "After the royals, of course."
"He started from nothing, little one, and became everything." Fleur agreed. "Anypony can do it, if they set their minds to it!"
"And that, I hope, is the lesson you carry away from this little talk!" The unicorn gentle-stallion smiled down at him. "That hard work, determination, and perseverance can take you out of the lowest lows... and up to the highest heights!"
"Well, young colt." Fleur spoke kindly to their guest. "What have you to say?"
The young pony, who had been listening to the entire story intently, finally spoke up.
"Wow! That's amazing, Sir Fancy Pants! You're so cool! Your my favoritest unicorn ever!"
With that, the energetic young earth pony exploded out of the room, galloping toward the door, to find his own adventures to have, and his own fortune to find.
"My, your story made quite an impression on him, Fancy." Fleur commented, climbing up on his back. "It seems Princess Luna was right to have him come here from Ponyville, and hear your story."
"Ah, the exuberance of youth." Fancy took a sip of his tea. "In his eyes, I see the same determination and drive that I had at his age. That boy will do all right for himself, that is certain."
"You do take such an interest in those youths from the dregs of society, my dear." The unicorn mare commented. "Such a noble philanthropist I married!"
"They are our future, my dear. The herd will rely on their generation... to innovate, and push ponykind forward," Fancy shook his mane. "For if we ever cease to invest in our future... then Equestria will become a thing of the past."
"As much as I do love your dramatic speeches, my dear, it is getting rather late." Fleur yawned. "Shouldn't we go out, and see that young Pip gets back to his quarters in Canterlot all right?"
Fancy remebered a little colt, much like the young one from Trottingham who had just galloped out of here, and how nopony had believed in him. And he remebered what it was that had gotten him through even the worst of times, when everything in Equestria was against him.
"He'll be fine, my dear. Have a little faith." Fancy replied, smiling. "Just have a little faith."
