A HiE story placed in Rust's universe, with a bit more bang
CURRENTLY ON REWRITE SEE BLOG FOR MORE!
CORRECTION: CURRENTLY ON REBOOT!
My nickname was Cole... but now I guess I'll just stick with that, names are pretty hard to come up with. Have you thought a plan out in your head and decided to do it to see if it would work? Sometimes it does work, and most time it doesn't. My plan, let's just say it didn't work. And it ended with some deadly...
Screw it I'm gonna come out and say it. I got f--ked up. I'm laying on the ground at my bank with bullet holes riddled in me holding a revolver.
Well we all have Guardian Angels... and I don't like mine so far.
After making a wager and a couple requests, I get sent off to Equestria and literally drop from thousands of feet up into Canterlot.
Did I mention I got changed into a kind of demonic monkey?
My name is Cole, and in the words of a great hero in a fictional Fable
$h1t...
Based on Rust's Universe with some cameo crossovers (Done with permission)
I'm out of school this summer and am in between jobs. I have a crappy apartment, with crappy neighbors, with crappy furnishing, and oh yeah, no income. I had to run to the bank to make a deposit because I got some cash that my parents were kind enough to send me, as they were on vacation in Hawaii... The bank was in its usual Friday, just before closing time, rush. And wouldn't you know it, after 30 minutes of waiting in line to make the deposit behind people who actually have a job, three people in ski masks came in with guns.
What rhymes with snobbery?
That's right, I was stuck in the middle of a goddamn robbery.
"Good afternoon to all of you hard working assholes today," said the guy with a handgun. "My associates and I have decided that today we needed some money from the bank and wanted to make a withdrawal, now if all of you could please put your heads down on the ground." No one in the lobby moved.
BANG!
"I said PUT YOUR FUCKING HEADS ON THE GROUND! And hands where I can see them!"
Near the desk and near me, a baby was crying.
Shit... this was not a good day to be a mom.
I kept my face towards the ground as the men walked around, taking money from vendors, the people, whoever.
I gave my deposit to one of them as they came by, and the baby was still crying, even while the mom was trying to shush her child. I looked at the kid and starting whispering a song to her that I learned from one of my TV shows that I could catch.
"Hush now, quiet now,
It's time to lay your sleepy head
Hush now, quiet now,
It's time to go to bed.
Hush now, quiet-"
"Will that kid not shut the fuck up!" The man with the handgun went up to the mother and pointed it at her head.
"Madam, I will only ask you to do this once, and only once. Get your fucking kid to stop fucking crying." Poor woman, she was shaking so bad she could hardly hold her kid.
I looked at the man's gun. I'm a bit of a gun nut, and I can say this, it was a beautiful gun. A Smith & Wesson .44 Magnum Stealth Hunter with gray carbon on the barrel and a polished wood grip. It has quite a punch to it. It was then I noticed he was looking at me, while I was looking at his gun, while it was pointed at the mother.
"The fuck you looking at, bitch."
"Just admiring the gun, mate," I answered, with a bit of hesitation when I said gun. He looked at it himself and muttered, "Yeah, it really is... Wanna see how much damage it can do?" He points the gun at the crying baby. Through his mask I could see a wicked grin slice through the fabric.
At this point, the kid cried louder, covering the volume of my beating heart. My mind immediately went on the fritz. I looked at him and looked for the other two men. They were both standing there, watching. Wanting to see, no, craving for some blood spill. I breathed in as my mind went through my options and picked my best one.
One...
Breathe out. Arm is in reach of revolver. Grab gun. Swing arm. Punch throat. Jerk arm holding gun away from kid. Point gun down before he fires.
Two...
Swing man around. Keep him between you and other assailants. Tear gun out of his grip. Hold gun towards other robbers. Keep tight grip on bullet sponge's neck.
Three...
"Give up now or I'll kill him!" Doesn't take warning. Quick Aim. Fire. Headshot on one. Quick A-
Oof!
The air went out of my lungs. Shit, I didn't keep a tight grip on him!
He steps away from me, big mistake. I take the revolver and point the barrel into his gut and pull the trigger. What a fucking mess... I look towards the last man and finally notice he has a shotgun. And it is pointed at me.
"Ah fuck me..."
I pull up my gun and immediately pull the trigger and hit him in the chest, he falls backwards as soon as he pulls the trigger.
BANG!
An explosion fills the room as the shotgun clatters to the ground. Well that wasn't too bad, now was it. I look around the room and smile at everyone, while they all stare back at me, no, my stomach. I look down at it and see blood spreading through my shirt quickly, and see another stain growing around my chest. My head starts to get dizzy. I fall to the ground and hear someone order "Call 911!"
People immediately rush towards me as blood pours onto the carpet as I lay on the ground. A man grabs my hand and says "You'll be just fine, my friend." I give him my biggest "yeah, bullshit" look.
"I have a question friend, I heard you singing to that child, do you like My Little Pony?" That's a random question to ask, wait he is probably just trying to keep me awake.
"Yeah, I watch it on the weekends and read a lot of the fan fictions, hell my phone has a few songs on it too."
"How would you feel about going there. You know, to Equestria." I snort.
"Ha, mate you must be mad, we all know that place is a fairy tale. But, it would be pretty nice to hang out with my favorite ponies. *cough* Oh shit, is that blood? Fuck..." I look around and notice that everyone else that was moving is frozen. It was just the stranger and I.
"Well, what if I told you that Equestria is real. And it might just save your life too. You have buckshot in your intestines and in your lungs and I'm pretty sure it hit a part of your heart too. Magic just might save you."
"Haha, well *cough*, if you are so sure about that, send me. But, let me keep my hands, let me keep this gun, and give me some ammo. God knows that if the fan fictions are true, I'll probably drop on top of a manticore." The stranger looked at me, and chuckled.
"Well, the gun, you may have to find it yourself, I can give you a way to do that. And if you are so sure about that, how about a friendly little wager? When you get to Equestria, you will meet some curious folks. Each of them are capable of some pretty amazing things. If you join them, and help them win the game, you win. If you lose however, well... I'll have to think about that one."
Was this guy for real? The blood continued to seep through the carpet around me as I weighed the choice in my mind. If I go, I'll probably be saved and then get to meet my favorite ponies! If I don't I'll probably be saved, but still have to pay off my apartment. Either choice I have a chance of dying. But only one choice leaves me financially screwed.
"Do it." The stranger smiled and pulled back his arm.
"Have a nice fall!" He laughed and stuck his arm INTO MY FUCKING CHEST AND SQUEEZED!!!!
"FUCK YOU!"
I dropped as everything turned to black.
A/N: First chapter done! Been a while since I wrote anything, so please give me criticism, and I hope you find a bit of irony in the next chapter. Out of all the gods I could have been summoned by... I got the asshole of the group.
Thank you Blackwing, Rust, JJ Malcolm, Tamara Bloodhoof, and Io and anyone else who is writing in the universe. I can't wait to see what kind of a clusterfuck happens.
The blackout only lasted a few seconds. I woke up to find myself staring straight at the bright sun.
"ARGH!!" I quickly turned over to see that the ground is thousands of feet up from me and is approaching me... wait a minute.
Begin Calming procedures...
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"OHSHIT! Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit!" I was high. Really high. Extremely fucking high. Did I mention I have acrophobia?
I was fucking falling from thousands of feet up and I still had not broken through cloud cover yet.
Wait... I got changed right?
I immediately feel around my back for wings and find... Nothing. This... this was not gonna end well... My mind was reeling and hoping that I could find some way to break my fall as I fell straight through the cloud cover. Blood continued to seep out of my chest, wait... I'm still bleeding? Crap, no time to think of it now. I broke through the clouds to find a large city on a cliff with an airship moored to it.
Wait... an airship? I fell towards it and got a closer look. Okay, that's a very nice airship, with a Laser Cannon... An airship with a... wait what?! I had the sudden feeling I just dropped into pre-war Fallout: Equestria... A grey pegasus that was flying along caught my attention as she/he/it almost hit me. Sorry, but as much as I like ponies, road rage takes overs.
"Pick a lane, you asshole!" I screamed as I fell, the pegasus paying me no mind. People these days...
My mind immediately went back to the task at hand. How do I make it to the ground safely without looking like a pancake? I dropped closer and closer near the airship, only to notice I could not land on top of it. At this point I would say I was screwed, but there was however a rope I saw attached to the ship, and I was just in arm's reach of it. Gravity continued to be my accelerator as I got closer to the rope.
I only had one shot at this and I prayed that Lady Luck would forget the time I cussed her out at Blackjack and give me another chance. I looked at the rope and saw it was about eighty feet away from me. So I'll need to the think pretty quick. I was about 10,000 feet up when I fell, and average jumpers fall at a rate of 213 feet per second at that height. I have yet to reach terminal velocity, so I am probably falling less than that speed. Just about 196, possibly. Eighty feet away fro- oh shit!
I reached out with my arm and grab the rope with my barrel sized hand... wait what? I immediately swing around and break the rope off from its anchor. The rope swings me around the underside of the ship straight into nice, soft, comforting stone wall near the castle. I crash and break through the wall and see ponies inside stare in shock as my body comes crashing through not one, not two, but three walls. All while bleeding out. I seriously hate that stranger. I break through and finally crash into a pony's bedroom and land into another wall, causing a pile of rubble to fall on me.
"I swear to God, Lady Luck, you are a fickle-," I cough and grunt as I slowly turn around to find a pink alicorn with a beautiful mane, and a white unicorn with a two tone blue mane... pointing his horn straight at me. I give them both a weak smile.
"Well," I look at them both, and put on my best happy-go-lucky Irish man accent. "Top of the morn to ya laddie, and to you as well lass." The unicorn gave me a glare, but the alicorn had a look of worry on her. I think I interrupted something pretty important, wait. Their horns have rings on them. They are married. Ah hell... I ran straight into Shining Armor and Cadence. I looked down at myself and notice that I still had blood all over my body and it was flowing through into the carpet. At this point, I'm not sure if it was the blood loss or my own stupidity, but out of everything I could have said, the first thing I said to royalty was,
"I don't know about this Cadence, this thing. It doesn't seem right. It's not even Equestrian either."
"But he is injured! And he is bleeding out! We have to help him. I've tried healing him with my magic, but he just won't stop bleeding. He has something inside of him and we need to get it out!"
"Cadence! Have you tried listening to his chest? There is something there and I don't like the sound of it."
"Pardon me, sir, madam, the doctor has arrived, where is the patient?"
"Over there on the bed, thank you. Shining, listen. He is obviously lost. I don't know what about him, but he does not seem intent to hurt any-"
"Intent to hurt anyone? Have you seen the size of his arm?! It is as if he just took a steel barrel and stuck it on his arm!"
"Ugh, the hell happened last night?"
"He's awake!"
I looked around to find myself on... the most comfortable bed ever! Oh God, this was like sleeping on clouds. Wait, I'm in Equestria, it probably is a bed of clouds. I looked towards the sound of the voices to see the alicorn smiling at me.
"I'm glad you are awake," she said with a soothing tone. "The doctor is here and he is going to take care of you. He will know more about what is going on then we will, we tried our best though." I looked at my body and saw that I had bandages covering me where the buckshot hit me. And I was still bleeding.
"Question, miss..."
"Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, but you can call me Cadence, and this is my husband, Shining Armor, Captain of the Equestrian Guard."
"A pleasure, but when you two were treating me, did you happen to take any bits of metal out? You know shiny little bits of lead maybe?"
"No?"
"Well, I would hate to destroy your hospitality and your expertise at first aid... but I might die if we don't get them little bastards out, and soon. GET THAT DOC IN HERE NOW!" My mind was in full medical mode now. I breathed in slowly in an attempt to calm myself.
One...
Peel off bandages slowly, find area of wound. The wound has already healed. Doctor has arrived. Tell him to take scalpel and re-open wounds.
Two...
Fight through pain. Grab gauze, stem blood flow. Reexamine wounds. Look for points of entry. Get flipped over, check for points of exit. Full Count: Eight points of entry, three points of exit. Minimum count is five pellets. Location is at lung with wound over two, stomach with possibility of two to three and then heart with possibility of one. May have missed.
Three
Tell Doc location of pellets. Bite down on something. Reassure royalty. Pray.
"MHMFFFM!" My muffled screams caused Cadence to flinch a little.
"Doctor, please hurry." Shining Armor watched next to the doctor, holding the tray with his magic to drop the pellets in. The earth pony doctor looked at me before I nodded for him to continue. Another flash of pain bit through me as sweat poured through me. That's three pellets, two left. I looked at the tray and saw the pellets. These things were huge. they were about half an inch in diameter. I had those inside of me? Really now? I hear the clatter of another pellet as it gets dropped on the tray. One left, and its right near my heart too. I looked at Shining Armor as I saw him stare at my chest.
Wait, I never really did get to examine myself now did I? I was silver skinned, and about five feet six inches tall. I had the body of a monkey? No, no I couldn't be. I saw a tail laying over the bed on the Doctor's side. I turned my head and found a mirror on a vanity to the left of the bed.
I had horns. Small horns, but horns none the less. Why, oh why did I look like Hellboy? I lifted up my arm and, yup big surprise, its one arm was the size of a barrel. The stick I was biting down on fell as I stared at myself.
"Heh, what do you know, I guess this really is a myth- FUCKING COCKSUCKING SON OF A BITCH!" I swear, I think I just taught a few foals some new words. I heard the last pellet drop into the tray as the doctor and Cadence worked together to replace my bandages. Shining Armor moved out of the way and started to examine the pellets that were inside of me.
"Thank you Doctor, you did some wonderful work," I told the earth pony in front of me.
"Oh thank you," he said. "But I'm not a doctor, I'm a veterinarian." What?
"You're kidding me right? Ah to hell with it, I look like a monkey anyway..." I shook hands with the doctor/veterinarian (with my left hand, mind you) and apologized for not being able to pay him.
"No worries, I'm on the Princess's payroll, she pays me to take care of Philomeena, don't know why though."
I smiled and thought about the trolling phoenix, I should meet that bird later. The vet left the room leaving me with Cadence, and Shining Armor. I smiled at them and winked.
"So how's it going everypony?" Shining Armor just looked at me, while Cadence giggled a bit.
"What are you," asked Shining Armor.
"What am I? What are you?" The nerve of some people, geez.
"How did you even get here?"
"Well you see, when a momma monkey, and daddy monkey love each other a whole bunch, they buy a barrel and soon they have a whole bunch of monkeys." I spoke with the most serious tone, snorted and said, "Kidding mate, I actually just... Well I dropped in, literally. I fell from about 10,000 feet up and barely made it to where I wouldn't die."
Shining Armor just stared at me, pondering. Cadence smiled a bit, not in a flirty way, but in that way that is meant to comfort others, kind of like a nurse comforting a patient. Shining Armor gave Cadence a look and they stared at each other for a while. Must be telepathy, I don't know, but Cadence nodded when they looked away.
"Dear, I must leave for a while, please feel free to sleep here for a bit if you need to. I'll be back in a little while." And with that, she left me with the Captain of the Royal Guard, a.k.a. badass with a license to prove it. As she closed the door with magic, Shining Armor's horn started to glow and a book appeared in front of us. I read the spine, The Equestrian Guide to Mythical Creatures and the Like, well I could see where this was going.
"Now then," Shining pulled up two chairs and a table. "We are going to find out what you are, before I have to leave soon." I nodded and took a chair.
"Geez mate, never took you guards to be the bookworm type."
A/N: Very Important- this kind of happened to me last night and scared the everliving hell out of me. So guess what? Now my character gets to experience every gruesome second of it too. Enjoy it!
"I sure as hell am not a centaur! Do I look like I have a horse body at the bottom! No I have feet. Giant feet! On elephant trunk sized legs!"
"Well maybe you're a satyr," thought Shining.
"No, I can't be. Explain the horns then why don't yo- Hey did these things get bigger while we weren't looking?"
Shining Armor tossed the book to the bed in surrender. "I don't know, and frankly, I give up. I don't know what you are. Maybe you're some new species." He snickered a little bit, "I bet Twiley would be asking you so many questions I bet." I chuckled to myself a bit too, slightly nodding my head. I moved the book over and laid down on the bed and thought for a minute, scratching at my chest bandage without thinking. I looked over at the mirror again.
I really do look a bit like Hellboy. I guess I do look like a satyr too though, but the horns... They just throw the whole thing off.
"Hey Shiner, is there anything in that book about demons? Or demigods? Or another book about those?"
"You can check and read that book, it might have a few things on there. Also, don't call me Shiner."
"Shiny okay then? I like Shiny," I gave him my stupidest grin as he groaned. "Shiner it is then." I picked up the book and started skimming through it. Since it was all alphabetic, it did not really take long to find. I read aloud so Shining could hear it.
"Demons- Chaotic creatures meant to cause havoc, while some take on a spiritual form in order to possess others, some have been known to take a physical form. These creatures have not been fully categorized for they have been seen as creations of Discord. Some gods and goddesses have taken to creating these creatures as their pets *See Lich, Gargoyles, or Basilisks for more information*. There is a theory that these creatures may also have been created to curb society from chaotic ways in order to prevent the second *scratched out* third coming of Discord. Another theory that has appeared is that these creatures are sentient beings too, and that they were created to be accepted as one in society."
Shining spoke up, "That's useful. At least we know one way or another you are helping society in some way."
"I guess, still doesn't tell me what I am though."
"That's because you're reading the generalization." Oh... well crap. Alright then, I skimmed a couple more pages and found something that looks very similar to me.
"Hey Shiner, what does this picture look like to you mate?" I flipped the book around as he took it in his magic.
"The Anung Un Rama, an extremely rare demon only seen once during the Discordian Era, where Discord at the time created him with the intent of him being a quote "Emergency Oh S%$T Fallback Plan." Implying that this demon is meant to be able to destroy an area on a large scale. The demon is noted to have one arm bigger than the other and can use said arm to punch a hole clean through stone. This demon, however, never was able to fully explore its powers because of Discord being overpowered by the sister Goddesses and then encased in stone. See picture below for full description of demon."
I looked at the second picture in the book showing Discord near a very elegantly built town holding the Anung Un Rama in his hand as if he was a button and in the caption was written "I'll do it. I'll f@#$ing do it, man." Well, I wonder what it would do?
I got comfortable on the bed as Shining Armor got up from his seat.
"I have to get ready for tonight with my wife, I want you to stay here, understand?"
"Yes, daddy, can I order pizza too?" Shining shivered a bit at that. What? Am I really that ugly?
"Just... just stay here for a while, I'm sure the servants can attend to your needs." Shining moved towards the door and grabbed his cloak as he left. I hopped off the bed and went to the window.
Wait... what happened to the wall I came through...
I looked at the walls and found one with some pebbles by it. I moved my hands around the wall and felt the stones, all of them feeling solid until I moved closer up, then my hand fell through the stones.
Ha! Illusion magic! Who'd da thunk it. Crap, I came through from that high up? I guess I fell through a few floors too.
I shrugged and moved to the door. I wanted something but I had to see if they had it first. I cracked open the door and luckily found the servant who fetched the royal vet earlier.
"Oi, mate," I called at him. He jumped and turned towards me. He was a gray unicorn with a black mane, dressed in servant's clothing. "Oi, I ain't gonna eat you. Can you do me a favor? What's your name?"
"B-b-b-beck, sir," he stuttered. He obviously was afraid of me. I stuck out my hand in greeting and put my kindest smile on my face. I have met people like him before, use to see them act like that all the time at events I went to, and I made sure that they felt welcome to the events, even if I did not know them.
"Very nice to meet you, friend," I told him.
"What is your name, sir?"
"My name?" Crap, never thought about that before. Well, might as well give him one of my nicknames that my friends called me.
"My friends gave me a lot of names, like Rehab and Cole, take your pick mate."
"Coal? But your skin isn't exactly coal colored."
"Yeah that's true, but it was short for my real name Colt, but some of the people where I lived never pronounced the 't' so Cole just stuck."
"How'd you get the name Rehab?"
"Well, I'll tell you the story but first I need a favor. Do you guys have tobacco leaves here? You know brown, whole leaf, you smoke it, it gives you yellow teeth, bad breath, lung cancer, but its relaxing and its good for social events and makes you look sophisticated." Beck nodded his head.
"Sweet, then do you think you might be able to get me some? I'll trade you a story and a favor for it, since I have no cash on me."
"I believe one of the gardeners keeps some for Prince Blueblood," he answered.
"Great! Take it from him, I hear he is kind of a prick anyway." Beck smiled at that, and nodded his head. He left saying he would be back soon from it.
About thirty or so minutes later with me staring out the window and watching the sunset, Beck returned. I squealed (what? I don't have an addiction, I just enjoy simple things) and hopped, no wait, bounded towards him, while simultaneously knocking a picture off the wall.
"Eh, I'll fix it later, so how many did you get me? A bushel?" Beck nodded his head and smiled at me. Well that was easy to warm him up to me. I looked at the leaves of tobacco just waiting to be plucked off.
"This is part of Blueblood's Zebrahican stock. They apparently grow it into a more smooth flavor compared to Trottingham's supply." I plucked a couple of the leaves of and ground it with my fist into a semi-coarse grind. The other one I gave a slight sniff in my hand.
"This... this has a very subtle scent to it. Smells like a bit of fermented... fermented wine perhaps?" I looked at Beck with a raised eyebrow.
"The way the Zebras grow it allows it to have its own unique flavor in each one," Beck told me. How much about growing tobacco does this guy know? I finished with the leaf I was working on and set the other leaf on the vanity.
"What are you doing?" Beck came up under my arm and looked at where I set the leaf. I never noticed how much taller I was then these ponies.
"Making one of the smarter ideas the Spanish have came up with."
"The who?"
"Ah just pay attention, mate." I took the ground tobacco leaf and sprinkled it in a perfect row on top of the whole leaf until it was a nice long hill, then I grabbed the edge of the leaves and rolled it into a perfect cylinder. I placed the roll into my mouth and looked at Beck.
"Right, now give me a spark, mate," I looked at him and pointed towards the roll. He looked at me curiously and his horn lit up, sparking the end of the roll. I breathed in quickly until the tobacco started to burn slowly. I snorted smoke through my mouth and smiled.
"And that, my friend, is how you make a cigarillo."
"We usually just eat them," deadpanned Beck. I laughed at that statement a bit.
"Well I hope you guys spit it out too, tobacco screws up your digestive system, but either way it still blackens your gums worse than charcoal." Beck grimaced and I pulled up a chair.
Wait... why do ponies have chairs if they don't sit like Lyra? Shouldn't they just sit on pillows? And for that matter how do they hold stuff with their hooves!! Fuck it, its magic, I don't have to explain it.
"Now mate, I can tell you the story now, or would you rather save it for later," I looked towards Beck, smoke coming out of my mouth in wisps. He looked at his watch and his pupils became pinpoints.
"It will have to be later sir, I have to help with the set up of the Gala!" He quickly got up and started walking towards the door.
"Wait the Gala is tonight?! Why doesn't anyone tell me these things!"
"Sir Shining Armor should have told you! Why do you think he left?"
"I hate being uninformed," I muttered under my breath, taking another puff from the little cigar. I waved to Beck as he left, and thanked him for doing me the favor of bringing smoking back into my life. Yes I know it is a bad habit, no I do not care. No I will not share it with ponies, they do not deserve to know this. Yes, I will smoke still, even with second hand smoke being a hazard. Deal with it.
Fifteen minutes later, I put out the end of my cigarillo and toss it out the window, hopefully not hitting anypony down there. I laid back down on the bed and decided it was time for me to take a nap.
Well an hour into it, I was passed out. At that point, however, I felt a presence in the room and I made a motion to get up, but to no avail. It was as if I had a boulder laying on me while I slept on the bed. I struggled to open my eyes and felt the presence move closer to my bed. My heart raced, I was mentally panicking because I could not show any facial features either. It was as if all my muscles decided that living was less important than nap time. I mentally screamed at my eyes to open even a little bit and they finally obliged. As my eyes cracked open and I struggled to keep them open, my heart froze.
Staring at me from the foot of the bed was a pony. Not just any pony, a pony without a face, and black tendrils for a mane.
Shit... Shit... SHIT!!!! I've seen it somewhere! I thought it was all bullshit but its true! Oh dear God!
Every fiber of my being wanted to run, but I was weighed down on that bed. The pony tilted its head and looked at me for a little while longer. Finally it turned and walked out towards the door. As soon as the door shut behind it I jumped out of bed to the door and looked out of the hall. Only to find nothing there. One thing stood on my mind though...
I left the room, with fear and curiosity hovering in my head. I wanted, no needed to know why that thing was here. I've heard stories of it, I've seen the MarbleHornets's series of it that is meant to be a psychological thriller, but the fact that it is here? It... It was strange. I continued down the hallway as the lighting got dimmer.
Freaky...
I continued down my course and went down the stairs. It was the only way I could go. As I looked towards the end of the hall I heard very subtle hoof steps moving away from me and turn at the end of the hall. I quickened my pace, chasing after the entity with some subtlety. I think my nerves were starting to get the best of me, I may have been reborn as a demon, but I still had the emotions of a human. Strange isn't it? I turned at the end of the hallway to find a door cracked open that led to the outside.
Outside the doors I heard music and chatter. Was that Pinkie Pie? What is she doing with that... Never mind, I can fan girl squeal later. I quickly proceeded through the castle garden, doing my best to follow this... thing. I knew my basic creepypasta. I should not be stalked by the Operator, he only stalks those who had tragedies happen to them. I left the garden towards a building with large glass windows and I heard a conversation going on from near the entrance.
"Hey dumbass, I forgot to tell you I lie as well."
Okay... a conversation that reminded ne of Jersey kids getting in to a fight. I peeked around a hedge and saw a... bear? Fighting a unicorn with a two tone blue mane... Wait, crap that's Shining Armor! I winced as I saw him bounce around like a pinball inside his own shield. I looked towards the door and saw the Operator move into the building. As I watched him my chest wound started to itch something fierce, as if I had something try break out of the bandages.
"This is the time I shove your head through that wall for hitting me." I watched as the bear-thing took Shining Armor and shoved him horn first into a wall.
That does not look comfortable, not in the slightest...
The creature moved towards the entrance of the building as I walked towards Shining Armor.
"Sorry mate," I whispered to him as I tugged him out of the wall and laid him on the ground gently. "Mass murderers who cause psychological problems take priority." I stepped into the building which I now recognized as the Royal Archives from when Twilight broke in to stop time, and heard footsteps echoing from the dimly lit hallway. I followed the footsteps past the various subjects and categories in the archives, everything from survival to cooking, offensive and defensive spells, and the like, all the while my chest started getting worse and worse.. I heard the clash of metal on metal from up ahead and saw the bear-thing walk into one of the archives. I felt something behind me and turned around immediately to find-
"Oof!" I was tossed down the hallway by a strong force. I banged my head against the stone floors as I fell. I looked up in a daze to see the Operator walk down towards me, fading in and out of my vision as he did so. Time seemed to slow down with every single step it looked like it was taking, and I-
JESUS H. CHRIST WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T MY CHEST STOP ITCHING!
I must haved looked like a fool scratching at my bandages as the Operator came closer to me. It wasn't until I looked up that it grabbed me. At this point, I would like to say it was actually very kind, picked me up, dusted me off and invited me for tea. Dear God, that would be the exact opposite of what happened, it grabbed me by the bandages and lifted me into the air and tossed me into a stone wall, but he kept my bandages with him. I slammed my back into the wall and fell on my stomach gracelessly. I rolled over and groaned in pain, my chest still itching. I opened my eyes and looked at my chest to see a polished piece of wood stick out of my chest. Next to the grip was a piece of parchment rolled up. Slender Man moved towards me as I grabbed the parchment and read it quickly.
"Enjoy your little gift,
Sincerly,
Your Game Master
P.S. Told you you could have it. Oh, and mind the AoE."
Slender Man moved closer as I looked at the letter and then the wood grip.
He... He didn't... This is gonna hurt isn't it
I grabbed the wooden grip in my barrel fist (what, you want me to call it the right hand of doom? That's just stupid) and started to pull. I gasped from the pain as the wood grip started coming out. Wait, was it near my heart? What the hell! I kept pulling as Slender Man moved even closer. The gun was covered in blood but I could see the enscriptions placed around the gun. What did they do? Off in the room where the bear-thing went I heard a yell.
"You want these books? Well you can have them! ON THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONA!!!!!!!"
Oh... shit... I pulled the gun out a bit faster until it finally came out of my chest. I gave my last gasp of pain as I got to fianlly get a look at the gun. It was the revolver from the bank, but custom designed, and it had a Latin phrase on the side.
Wait, that's from my family's Bible, only we have that written in it... That prick!
The phrase said Cape Locum Et Fac Secum in Latin, it means "Take a stand and make your mark." I smiled to myself a bit as I stood up to look at the Operator.
"Hey, bitch, you think its fun to torment others?" I pointed my gun at it. "You think its fun to kidnap kids and torture adults?" The creature tilted its head at me. I pulled the hammer back on the revolver. "Well you can go fuck yourself." A loud bang echoed throughout the hall as I pulled the trigger... and missed! What the hell! Don't the enscriptions enchant it with something? I mean serious-
"So long and we thank you for all your-" An explosion filled the room and rubble came crashing through the main hallway, hitting me and squashing Slender Man. I was launched outside through the stone walls, as if the Fates were telling me,
"You started here in rubble, and we'll be damned if you don't end your day in rubble." I went crashing into the Royal Garden as I heard more noises coming from the Gala. My very last thought that occured in my head was a very modest
When I awoke, my head was throbbing worse than the time I went to a concert and got knocked in the head by the stage diving Great White Whale. Yes, he was white, and he was at least 300 plus pounds. How he got to the back of the stage I will never know, but you don't stage dive at a certain weight, that's just stupid. I looked around the room I was in to see that I was in an hospital bed in what I guess was Canterlot's main hospital. I was also chained down to the bed.
Well then... This is not at all kinky.
I looked around the room, it was your standard medical suite, except designed for only one patient. You had your curtain for privacy, your whiteboard with information as to who takes care of what (I had Doctor Caduceus and Nurse Joyheart for my caretakers), with a window opened to the outside to show it was still night, and a nightstand with drawers.I was annoyed by the fact that they didn't give me any blankets for myself. I looked at myself to notice I was bandaged even more than usual, so I am guessing I got some shrapnel in me from the explosion. Remembering how a trap was triggered right when I was about to shoot the Operator in the face.
I need to find that bear and punch him in the face for stealing my kill!
What? So what if I missed! It was still my kill and I deserved it after having to pull a revolver out of my chest! Stupid bear...
I looked out and noticed that the lights from the Gala were still going off, which meant I was only asleep for maybe a few hours. I want to go ahead and get this out of the way, but I hate waiting. I hate sitting somewhere and doing nothing, so normally I would read fan fictions on my phone, but because I have no phone, and I am tied down to a bed, you can imagine how this felt to someone like me. Good news is I had an average singing voice, and since I was stuck here, I might as well enjoy myself. So, I just closed my eyes and went through my mind's infinite library of music that I enjoy. I figured, if anything, some good old Dustin Kensrue covers were as good as any song. I hummed to myself to warm up my vocal cords a bit and started to sing.
There's a place I know where the train goes slow Where the sinner can be washed in the blood of the lamb There's a river by the trestle down by sinner's grove Down where the willow and the dogwood grow Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there where the train goes slow *It was at this point I heard an acoustic guitar playing, matching my memory of the song.*
You can hear the whistle, you can hear the bell From the halls of heaven to the gates of hell And there's room for the forsaken if you're there on time You'll be washed of all your sins and all of your crimes Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there where the train goes slow
There's a golden moon that shines up through the mist And I know that your name can be on that list There's no eye for an eye, there's no tooth for a tooth I saw Judas Iscariot carrying John Wilkes Booth Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there where the train goes slow
If you've lost all your hope, if you've lost all your faith I know you can be cared for and I know you can be safe And all the shamefuls and all of the whores And even the soldier who pierced the side of the Lord Is down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there where the train goes slow
Well, I've never asked forgiveness and I've never said a prayer Never given of myself, I've never truly cared And I've left the ones who loved me and I'm still raising Cain I've taken the low road and if you've done the same Meet me down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there by the train Down there where the train goes slow Where the train goes slow Where the train goes slow Where the train goes slow Meet me down there by the train.
I then heard the slow stomping coming from the door, I looked over to see a white coated pony with a buttercream yellow mane in a nurse's uniform stomping her hooves in a type of applause.
"My, my, by my Celestia, that singing was ah very beautiful performance there sweetie," she smiled at me sweetly as she came into my room. She had a southern accent that almost made me want some apple pie. Almost.
"I've been known to sing skylarks out of their nests, miss." I gave her a small wink, the tool in me taking over for a short time before mannerism sent him back into his gray walled bachelor pad where he belonged. "Miss Joyheart I presume?"
"Why, yes. Mr. Cole is it?" I gave her a nod to confirm who I was.
"It's surely amazin' tah be workin' with ah species as unique as ya are sir, especially one that can perform magic that well. You ain't no Johnny Bits, but you sure play a wonderful guitar." That part... confused me a touch. Wait, Johnny Bits?
"Ex-squeeze me," I queried in true Austin Powers fashion. She returned a puzzled look at me, surprised a bit.
"Ya didn't know y'all could do magic?" I shook my head.
"Well I..." What? I thought that guitar was in my head and I was imagining it, but if she heard it then that means...
"'Fraid not, sweetheart, the doctor has tah give the order. Ah apologize about it though, is there anything ah can do tah make ya more comfortable?" I looked up at the ceiling and thought for a moment.
"Well... Mi- I mean Joy, I guess to start, what might help is if I could get a pair of pants. Jeans specifically." She looked at me curiously.
"Uh, m'am, I don't know if you noticed this, but I'm neckid." She then looked down towards my, well you get the idea. However, her reaction was hilarious! She turned from white to pink to a deep crimson shade of red so quick you would've thought someone asked her about about her sex life at a lunch (something similar to this). She quickly left the room muttering something about "By Celestia," and "I know I'm a nurse, but..." I honestly chortled a bit. A bit embarrassed myself though since I asked so casually. Couldn't help it though, I mean there was probably no other way around it, and if there was it wasn't as funny as this way.
I figured if I was going to be here, I might as well practice my magic. I tried thinking about how telekinesis worked and tried to lift the clipboard at the edge of my bed. I looked at it and thought about the clipboard levitating in front of me, after a few minutes of focus, the clipboard was surrounded by a silver aura and was lifted towards me. I levitated it towards me and had it hover in front of my face.
Lemme see here, we have some blunt force trauma, that is the rubble, reopening of wounds, that would be the part I pulled out the gun, and shrapnel was buried into my chest I see. They had to reopen my chest to pull out some of them and then... found that the wound healed on its own? The hell? That ain't normal... I was brought in by... Beck?! Beck found me! Good work, boyo!
I chuckled a slight bit and decided I was going to open up the nightstand. I laid the clipboard down on my chest. Next, I focused on the handle of the nightstand drawer and slowly pulled it out.
Just doing magic without knowing a thing about it, 'cause I'm awesome you know.
To my immense joy, and worry at the same time, I found my gun in the drawer! Squee~!
"I'm glad to see you were able to get the gun out in time," a voice came from my door. I looked to see a unicorn in scrubs and a doctor's coat.
"What? How do you know about my revolver?"
"What, Mr. Cole, I am wounded, you do not remember me?"
"Can't say I do, but am I correct in assuming you are Doctor Caduceus?" The stallion smiled at me and gave me a nod. Wait, a second. That smile, that voice.
"You are the prick who sent me here! You sonuva-"
"Now, now, Mr. Cole, I am also the one who saved you with that gun. I mean after all didn't you kill the Operator?" I stared at him for a minute.
"Um, yeah, yeah I did." I really hope he didn't know I missed.
"Wait you missed? How can you miss! I gave you explosive rounds!" Crap! Wait a second did he just-
"Read your mind? Yes. All of us gods and goddesses are able to do that. You can do your whole spiel now." I just sat there for a minute and shrugged.
"Nah, I'm good. Question though, who are you really?" The stallion gave me a smile.
"Well, here I am known as Doctor Caduceus, I picked up the trade whenever I visited Equestria. However, on Earth, I believe you know me by another name. I am Hermes, son of Zeus and an Olympian."
"I prefer to refer you as the asshole who stuck his hand and grabbed my heart."
"Well, how else do you expect me to give you your weapon. You had to bring in it somehow, I just had to make a bit of room for it to fit."
"I guess, but couldn't you have done it... in a less painful way?"
"Nope." I glared at him with a fiery passion. Maybe if I glared at him long enough, I could set him on fire. With my mind.
"I also wanted to ask you a few questions, Cole, if you don't mind."
"I guess, can you do something about the restraints though? I have this itch and its annoying the hell out of me right now." The god/doctor pony moved towards me and with a glimmer of magic unlocked the restraints and let me free. I got up and stretched my back and scratched at my bandages a bit.
"You know you can take those off right? Your wounds healed up quickly when I applied magic on it, you should just have a few scars and some irritation too." I shrugged at him, claiming it gave me a rugged, tough guy look.
"Any chance you can give me a bit of an explanation on my situation here? You told me to help these 'chess pieces' but I don't really know where to start." I walked over to the window and looked out at the lights for a while, it was simply beautiful out too. With Luna's moon and not a cloud in the sky, and not that far away from here I could here a concert going off from the Gala. It sounded wonderful. I turned around and saw Doctor Caduceus/Hermes levitate a chair over to me as he grabbed himself a seat on my hospital bed. He stared out the window for a while contemplating, thinking of how he was going to explain this "game" to me.
"Well, I'm afraid I can't tell you as of yet friend." My jaw dropped.
"Are you serious?"
"Nope, I may be a god, but I am still trying to find everything out myself, and that is being put on hold since Hades asked for a huge favor." I was kind of curious about that, why would a god ask another god to work for him? It was strange but it made since that the God of the Underworld would send out the Olympian messenger to find someone for him.
"Yeah, it does, but I don't want to say much else, as of yet. Anyways, do you have an idea on how to help your fellow pieces?" I shook my head.
"Dude, I was dropped in this morning, took a crash course in sky diving, crashed through at least three walls, annoyed the hell out of the Captain of the Royal Guard, smoked a cigarillo-"
"Wait you smoke?"
"Yes, anyways-"
"Where did you get it from?"
"A friend got it for me, anyways, took a nap, got the hell scared out of me by Slender Mane, chased after him, saw the Royal Guards get wrecked by a bear thing, chased after Slender some more, almost got killed, pulled a revolver out of my chest, got blown up and took a nap under some rocks and woke up here. Does it look like I had time to think of a plan to help people I don't even know!" I exploded on the last sentence, somehow ending up in Hermes's face.
"Calm down, friend. I'm here to help how I can. I know you didn't have much time, but look at the bright side, if all that stuff didn't happen, you would still have iron in your heart, and you would not know about your magical abilities." I glared down at the deity in stallion form and heaved a heavy sigh. He had a point. I have a weapon I am familiar with at least, granted I need to get some practice in me. I still had a few questions on my mind however.
"I still need to ask, what did you mean in the letter by 'Mind the AoE,'" I queried.
"You never saw the explosions? Empty the revolver really quick and set down the bullets." I did as he asked and set the bullets gently on to the bed. They all had orange tips on them, specifically burnt orange.
"Now, remember how in your world, you mortals had rocket launchers?" I nodded and watched as he picked up one of my bullets. "These bullets are the equivalent of an RPG, but they do not leave a smoke trail, and they are more compact. I cannot speak for the stability myself though, this was just to experiment with a few chemicals and elements. Now, what I meant by AoE is-"
"The area of effect caused by the explosion from the bullet. Essentially what you are saying is that when I pull the trigger on the gun, if I fire point blank I will get blown away by the blast and possibly damaged by the shrapnel from anything I hit too right?" Hermes nodded his head.
"I call them Big Pappas, because of that. You never want to piss off Big Papa or else you may be missing a limb." I smiled a bit at the suggested humor. I knew a couple things about a "shotgun wedding" from the places I have been to.
"Got any standard .44 bullets? I need to get back into practice with this thing." Hermes smiled and opened the drawer on the nightstand again to show a ammo box full of .44 rounds. I smiled a bit, I was hoping I would not have to handcraft any bullets, since the material can be pretty tough to come by.
"Next question, why was Slender Mane chasing me," I asked Hermes, to which he looked at me and sighed.
"I was afraid you would ask about that. You see, when I brought you into this world, it may have felt like I sent you right before you died, but the fact of the matter is, you died and then I sent you into this world. My guess would be that the Operator considered your death to be a traumatic enough experience that he did not want you escaping twice... Or thrice by now. You were dead, but the Fates allowed your revival and permitted your entry to Equestria at mine and Zeus's request. To tell the truth I was surprised Zeus passed that." Honestly, at this point, I would say I reacted to it violently, or with sadness, that I punched him in the face with tears in my eyes but here is the problem. I felt nothing. I felt a kind of emptiness but it was one I was not use to whenever I had depression and apathy hit me in my junior high and high school years. It was that loss of value of my life. I use to tell myself that if I died, I would be ready, but now that I see that my own body on Earth that was created specifically for me was destroyed, it left me empty. I sat back down on the chair, my back to Hermes.
"Excuse me, Cole," Joyheart had returned finally. Good thing I'm good at faking happiness!
"My pants! Oh sweet lovable blue denim! How I have missed you!" I jumped out of my seat much to the surprise of Hermes who was still getting use to the melancholy atmosphere I left by my chair. Achievement Unlocked: Skewed Bipolar. I ran over to the jean pony and gave her a peck on the cheek as grabbed the pants from her back.
"Oh my, now that ah didn't expect," she blushed. Hrrrk! Too much cuteness! I slipped the pants on and turned back to Hermes with a big, stupid grin on my face. He stared back at me and shook his head. He stood up from the bed and walked over to me and the nurse.
"Oh, Doctor Caduceus I did not know you came in here."
"It's quite alright Nurse, I can see you are quite taken with our new patient here, he is a sweet boy. Little bit ugly-" Hey screw you! "-but a good kid." His mouth went into his coat pockets and pulled out a bag. "Here you go Cole, here are some bits to get you started out, should be a good five hundred in there, but be careful where you spend it."
"Yes, dad," I answered. Hermes shuddered visibly, seriously am I that ugly?
"Now I'll still be here, and now that you aren't completely naked anymore, you can go around town a bit. Go explore, and come back here when you are done. I hope you have an answer to my question when you get back too." I nodded at him and smiled.
"Nurse, can you go get that bag I left behind the station please?"
"Yes, Doctor."
"When she comes back you can leave when you want to, but like I said, come back and ask to see me in my office, I'll be working late tonight." I waved him off and went to the bathroom in my hospital room. It wasn't that I had to go pee, it was that I was secretly narcissistic and had to look at myself in the mirror. And then possibly pee. I got a better look at myself then when I saw my reflection in Cadence's vanity mirror. I was a dark grey skinned humanoid with horns, but my horns had grown bigger and had a slight curve on them since I last saw them. I also had silver hair growing out and slicked back a bit. Over my right eye I got a scar, I'm guessing from the shrapnel from the explosion. My nose looked like a regular human nose, no curve, just normal. I had a pretty square chin though, and that meant I had a pretty manly chin. On the manly chin I had a silver-haired goatee growing in with a soul stripe coming up to my mouth. I seriously do not know why everyone cringes? I look sexy... right? My torso was still bandaged but it had some muscle mass under all of the bandages. I had a lot of muscle in fact, and it looked good. I kept feeding my ego in the mirror until I heard a knock on the door.
"Cole! Ah have your bag here!" I gave myself a wink in the mirror and immediately kicked my narcissism back into his room of mirrors where he should have stayed. I stepped out of the bathroom and greeted Joyheart. I set the bag down on the bed and opened it up. Inside the bag I found a few things, a holster that fit the .44 perfectly, a notebook and pencil probably for my ideas and thoughts since you know, everything that has been happening, a pair of aviators, and a black military beret. I squealed on the last one, I'm a huge fan of hats, back home I had ten baseball caps, five flat caps, six bandanas all of various colors, and four fedoras, one for each season. I was giddy, hell I was excited! I got a few things that I needed, and then some. I placed the ammo box into the bag, put the bag over my shoulders and I was ready to hit the town.
"Joy, thank you for taking care of me, I know I was pretty tough to take care of, even if it was just for a little bit," I gave her some gratitude, since it was late and she probably would have rather been at home with her friends or family on the night of the Gala. She smiled at me and said your welcome as I left the room. I exited the hospital and had only one thing on my mind.
Need... Whiskey!
With the nightlife of Canterlot still active, I went straight to the place where the lights were brightest and the smell of alcohol led my nostrils with its alluring scent. I went through the streets and alleys, until I spotted the golden cellar gates of Heaven. The sign above read McColtan's Pub. I walked into the pub and was immediately attacked by the entire room staring towards me. Can't say I blame them, not every day you see a demon walk into your home. However, I was taken by surprised that it was not only ponies there. I saw griffins and catpeople there too. They all just stared at me and I had only one option. I took in a deep breath...
"Can't a thirsty soul get a shot of whiskey in him?!" I yelled to the crowd in my best Irish accent. I went to the bar and ordered a shot of whiskey (AppleJack Daniels, why am I not surprised). My horns started glowing as I figured I might as well lessen the tension with a good old drinking song. The patrons were taken by surprise as they heard a violin and I jumped on to the bar after drinking my shot.
Now, I hope you all know this song. Because these people obviously didn't but they were clapping along and swinging with me as I made a complete ass of myself. During the second verse I started to grab one of the catwomen and dance with them. much to the anger of one griffin I think. I spun around and sang around the whole bar until I got to the end of it. I then motioned for everyone in the bar to start howling with me. A couple of them all I got was a
"Rawwrrrr" and a "WRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYY!"
I shrugged and plopped down between a few ponies at a table.
"Good evening to you all," I gave a wink to the mares of the table and ruffled the manes of the stallions. I waved the waitress over to get a drink. They stared at me like I was an alien... Well technically I was or maybe it was the bandages. The waitress sauntered over to the table and looked at me.
"Anything I can get for you sweetie?"
"Got anything like a rum and cola," I asked the waitress, without really looking at her.
"I'm sorry sir, we are out of rum." I banged my left fist on the table. Insert curse about rum always being gone here.
"Well, could you do something like a whiskey and cola? Jack and cola specifically."
"I'll see what the barkeep can whip up for you babe. Want me to keep a tab?"
"That would be wonderful miss," I gave her a wink as she walked off to get me a drink. I looked at the other ponies with me at the table. "Well go on, keep talking, I ain't gonna bother y'all. I'm a friendly foal in a monkey's body." My tail wagged and wiggled behind me as the ponies stared at me. The stallions shrugged and focused back on the mares.
"Listen Golden, Tea, me and Prongs would never leave you to any Diamond dogs, I know the rumors are scary, but as long as you are with us, we will protect you." That was the tan stallion talking, and I'm guessing the gray one was Prongs. I was curious about what they were talking about though.
"Wait, Diamond Dogs? What are you talking about?" Prongs gave me a look and the mares were kind of shocked.
"You never heard the rumors," asked one of the mares, I'm guessing Tea.
"Nope, I just dropped into Canterlot this morning. Literally."
"Well, rumors have been going around that in Equestria ponies have gone missing and they have been saying its the Diamond Dogs," answered Tea.
"Hm, interesting, what is that all about?" The table next to us, which was filled with griffins and catpeople immediately turned towards me.
"Boy, you must be green, you haven't heard the call go out from Captain Griffin," stated one of the griffins.
"Captain Griffin? Nope, never heard of him. Like I said, dropped in just this morning." They shook their heads and turned back to their table.
"So ponies have been going missing?" I turned back to the four I was next to who all nodded.
"Yeah, but these great boys have vouched for us, and so we know we are safe," said Golden, with a hint naivety, I looked around at the rest of the pub and noticed something about the griffins, catpeople, even some diamond dogs and a few of the ponies. Some of them were bearing scars, others had weapons sheathed on them and were wearing rainbow armor (are those dragon scales?), then I looked at the four in front of me. No scars, no weapons, looks of innocence, but complete confidence in their own abilities. Time to test the honorable protectors. I looked at Prongs and the tan stallion.
"So," I started. "What you are saying is that, when shit hits the fan, you will stand by these girls and protect them from harm?" They both nodded. "Even if say, diamond dogs broke through the floor and started kidnapping people left and right." My drink had arrived and I took a sip. "What if they were armed and were prepared to kill you? What if they took the girls from you and told you if you moved they would kill you? Would you still try and save them even at the cost of your lives?" I stared at the two stallions, Prongs was starting to look nervous, but the tan stallion stared back at me with the fire of determination in his eyes.
Time to move in for the kill.
I unholstered my gun and pointed it at them. Everyone in the tavern screamed, and all of the scarred brawlers stood ready for a fight against me.
"What if I was working with the Diamond Dogs? What if I told you that if you moved a muscle, I would blow your brains out and then I would take your mares and ra-" Tan stood up and attempted to tackle me over the table.
Good reaction time. I like this kid, but too obvious.
I side stepped and grabbed him by the mane before throwing him on the ground. Hard. The other patrons were watching me, I think I saw a few spears being put at the ready. Tan was glaring at me and trying to hit me, put I had him pinned with the revolver to his throat.
"That's good, no delay in your actions. Wasn't even afraid of my gun. That's excellent in fact." I smiled at the stallion and got off of him. And then he bucked me in the stomach.
"Ow! SONUVA- I ain't working with the diamond dogs. I was just fecking testing you. Ow... ow." Tan had gotten up and gotten into a fighting stance.
"Woah, mate, woah. Look I work with Princesses. I just-"
"Bullshit!" Woah, a pony that cusses. Never thought I would hear that.
"Okay, you're right, if I told you who I did work for, you wouldn't believe me." It was then I noticed everyone in the bar had weapons pointed at me. I holstered my revolver and put my hands up.
"Woah, everyone calm down." A catman came up to me and gave me a sniff.
"You don't have diamond dog scent on you," he said.
"Well hell I could have told you that."
"How did you get the bandages, demon."
"Woah, bit much friend. I was shot. Okay?"
"Shot? By what?"
"Y'all won't believe me if I told you."
"Try us." I took a deep breath and decided I might as well at least see if the truth will work.
"I'm an alien." I got a few whispers from that, something about "the Captain," I didn't really hear.
"Go on, demon."
"Well I guess it was yesterday, I went to the bank, and there was a robbery. Some guys came to steal money, one of them threatened to kill a baby, and I stopped him, killed two of them and the third one shot me with a 20 gauge shotgun. That's why I got the scars. Some guy then sent me to Equestria and I landed in the Royal Castle. I've had a few events since then, but that's the basics of it." The fighters in the pub seemed satisfied with that for some reason.
"What are your plans then alien?" That was from one of the griffins to my right.
"Well, don't really know yet." I reached for my drink and took a sip from it. "That is why I came here, to see if I could think of something. Say, this diamond dog situation, you saying it is all over Equestria?"
"Not just Equestria," that was from the catman who sniffed me. "It's everywhere, Gem Fido, the Dominion, The Great Southern Forest. All of it. It is because of the dragons and their greed for gems and the diamond dog Alphas also having a lot of greed." I nodded my head and had another sip of my drink.
"Has anyone thought about setting up a kind of force to safeguard from situations like that?"
"Captain Griffin is raising an army and has the support of Princess Celestia."
"Yes but for what?"
"To free the Dominion and declare war on the enslaving diamond dogs."
"Alright, but aren't there other threats?"
"Yes, there are hydras, demons, ogres, orcs, goblins raiding and destroying villages, and then there are domestic disputes too."
"Alright, well isn't there a kind of force? Back in my homeland, there was a union of a lot of countries called the United Nations, and they had their own police force in a sense to keep the peace. In one story I read, I remember a branch of an organization breaking off from the status quo and patrolling a whole wasteland to try and keep it safe for the settlers there. Isn't there something like that?" All of them put down their weapons and shook their heads. I relaxed a bit. Thank God, that might have ended badly. However, I think I may know what I can do for this land now. Now I just have to set it up first...
But first.
"Drinks are on me tonight everyone!" I got a huge rousing cheer from all of the patrons as the atmosphere completely changed.
And it was then I realized, 500 bits would not be enough to cover the tab.
A/N: Wow, that one took a while. I think I delivered though. Over 5,500 words too. So that might satisfy you all for a bit. Feel free to give me some critique I'm always looking for ways to improve. Props to Blackwing's Griffin the Griffin for having such a huge crew. Enjoy the story! Now I got to go plan some more!
"No, no, not the plushie. Please. Anything. But. The Rach-" THUNK! "Ow!" I woke up on a cold stone floor, both of my horns were hurting, but surprisingly I did not have a hangover. I rolled over onto my back and found myself in a dimly-lit cell.
Oh, God... Not again.
I pushed myself off the ground and went to the iron bars. I gave them a test pull to see how strong they are, and like many who try to tear each other out of prison, they bent a little. I shrugged my shoulders and went back to the stone bed. Fun fact: sleeping on stones is comfortable as long as you are used to it. I rubbed my head and tried to think for a little bit. Which hurt. A lot. I heard the clatter of tin and saw a plate laid down by my cell. I ran over to the cell bars and tried my best to peek around the corner, only to see no one near there. I shrugged and picked up the plate full of food. It was a simple meal of bread, butter, mangoes, and grapes. I was sad not to see bacon, or meat period, but beggars can't be choosers and I made the mistake of going to sleep on a drunken stomach. I sat down, leaning against the stone bed and started to munch on the meal.
I struggled to bring together the events of the night before. Most people would have a problem the morning after a night of heavy drinking, but I fortunately hardly ever run into this problem and blame the drink on memory problems. From my experience, I learned that it is not possible to be drunk and forget the night before unless you completely pass out. I have also learned that while some people experience hangovers, I had so far had the good fortune of not experiencing the headaches, and sensitivity to light and noise like others, which I consider a plus I guess.
I gradually finished my meal and tossed the tin near the iron bars. I crawled back up onto the bed that I fell out of earlier and laid down, heading back to sleep. A prisoner who was rested would fare better than one who was exhausted anyhow. Besides, what else could I do here?
I woke up some time later with no idea how long I slept. At least I was feeling better though, and that is always a plus.
Well, better do something at least somewhat productive.
I looked at the walls of my cell and moved my giant hand over them. They felt like normal stone. I smiled a bit, hoping they didn't mind a little redecorating. I pulled back my fist just a bit and started tapping at the stone with my over-sized fist. Chunks of stone came crumbling down the wall leaving a fist sized hole in the wall. I kept at it for a couple minutes and smoothed it out until I made two nicely sized hand-holds that were big enough for my hands to fit and grasp comfortably over my head. I pressed my back towards the wall and reached up, grasping the hand-holds firmly. I crossed my hooves and lifted my knees towards my waist line and started doing crunches. One-hundred-and-seventy-five crunches. I dropped down onto the ground and laid flat on my stomach. I pressed my barrel of a fist onto my back and pushed myself up with the other smaller hand. I started doing push-ups with my left arm... and only got to two. I collapsed on the ground and switched hands. I got to another five on that side. Well, that was disappointing. I rolled onto my back and started doing bicycle instead.
My time in prison consisted of periodical conditioning and some low quality meals. I never bothered to ask what got me in prison, no point anyways. I was pretty sure I did something stupid. When I finished exercising for the time being I went towards my bed and laid down to rest. I heard a door at the end of the hall open and the familiar sound of hooves walking down the hall.
“Prisoners! You have visitors!”
“Visitors for who!?” asked one oddly chipper voice.
“Yeah you dumb mule! There are at least six of us here,” yelled a prisoner from down the hall.
“Silence you ruffians! Let the guard speak!” Spoke another, more familliar, and extremely grating voice.
“Oh piss off, you oblivious fool!.” The guard announced the description of the prisoners.
“One visitor for the demon, and two for the changeling known as Sir Knightmare.”
“But what about MEEEEE!?” Shouted the noblepony.
“AH SHADDAP BLUEBLOOD!” shouted the first voice. I chuckled at the first voice, apparently its a general rule to hate Blueblood. “So, mister guard, who’s visiting lil’ ol’ me?”
“Lucky bastards,” hollered the second voice. “They’ve only been here for less than a day! Where’s my free letter to my family!”
“Calm down, dammit, you’ll get it in due time.” The guard began conversing with the owner of the first voice again. “I present Nurse Candy, Nurse Joyheart, and Her royal majesty, Queen Chrysalis.” The last name was spoken with no small degree of disgust. Wait... Who?!
“Hey,” I yelled. “Chrysalis is here? I... I don’t even... What?!” I watched as the group made their way down the hall and recognized Chrysalis and Joyheart and saw a third cream-colored mare walking with them also wearing a nurse's uniform.
“Long story demondudemanguy.” Spoke the first voice, this ‘sir Knightmare’ apparently. “Basically, she’s here for a peace treaty, and was one of the brawlers at the Gala when things went to shit. There’s a lot of folks alive today because of her.”
Ah, so that explains all the noise from a few nights ago. I wonder if that pirate crew had anything to do with it.
“It was because of YOU and those damnable alien ruffians that everything fell apart in the FIRST PLACE!” shouted the third voice, clearly identifiable as BlueBlood. He was annoying me and that voice was getting on my nerves.
“Bluey! Mind toning it down a touch,” I told Blueblood. “Else I may just have to come through the wall and see you face to face!” Blueblood continued to shout and holler.
“Now see here, you dirty demon! You have no right to treat royalty like that! Why I should have you-
“BLUEBLOOD SHUT THE HELL UP!” everyone shouted, including Chrysalis and Nurse Candy.
“Thanks,” I told the group.
“You’re welcome.” said Chrysalis, she gave me a nod as she walked past me towards the next prison. Nurse Joyheart came towards my cell.
“Well, Mr. Cole,” she said in her sweet southern accent. “Seems like yah got yourself in quite the predicament here, sweetie.” Looks like I was about to get a lecture. I smiled and starting moving towards the bars..
“Nurse Joyheart, so nice to see you again.” Cole took a closer look at her and noticed the bag she was carrying on her back. The guard gave him a glare when I got closer.
“Back off prisoner, don’t step too close to the bars.” I glared straight back at him and grabbed the bars. “Stop that,” he ordered.
“Dude, you’re seriously telling us to back away from CHRYSALIS? Did you SEE what she was capable of last night!? Trust me, they've got more to fear from her than us...” Knightmare, I appreciate it... but I really need you quiet right now. . I started pulling the bars a part and grunted.
“Hey, Knightmare, wanna shut it for a tick?” I kept on pulling on the bars to bend them apart wide enough for me to fit through. I stared at the guard as the bars got wider and wider apart.
“Cole! Stop it,” said Joyheart, worry presenting itself in her voice. I motioned for her to step away. I did not want her to get in the way of this, besides I did not plan on killing him.
“Now, now,” said Chrysalis, as she smiled. “Let us see what he does?” Well, I'm not sure if I am comfortable with Chrysalis supporting me, or maybe I should feel appreciated for it. It's weird. Chrysalis watches with a slight grin as I pry the two bars apart, freeing myself with shocking ease.
“Are we doing a jailbreak?” Knightmare asked, the tiny changeling popping out of his cell and, with a flick of his hook, forming a clawed hand and using the sharp tip to pick the lock on his cell door. “Because that’s actually a pretty cool idea.”
“Nah, not really Knight.” I started walking towards the guard, intimidating him with every glance, until he stared down at the guard. I brought his fist up, as if to strike to guard and with a quick flourish of my left hand, flicked the guard on the nose. The guard reeled back in surprise as I smiled and stepped back towards my cell, and bent the bars back into place.
“So, Cole, Knightmare...” Chrysalis grinned, “We were sent to retrieve the two of you. You’ve been pardoned.” My eyes went wide, I thought they were getting me on bail, but I'm getting a pardon instead?
“Am I pardoned?” Blueblood asked.
“No, you’re lucky to not be executed by the very laws you’re so obsessive over for how you treated me and my entourage.” I stared at Chrysalis for a second then looked over at Nurse Joyheart.
“Is she serious?”
“Deathly serious.” Nurse Candy said.
“Well then,” I muttered. “Guard, you might as well let me out then.” He looked over at the guard who he just flicked expectantly.
Knightmare turns to the guard as well, stepping back behind the still opened door of his own cell. The guard huffed and passed my cell and opened Knightmare's first. He then handed the keys to Nurse Joyheart.
I think I made him just a bit mad, maybe flicking him wasn't the smartest of ideas.
“You open it,” he told her. “I refuse to do anything that could be seen as kind towards him.” Well, obviously, you're a jerk and you officially deserved that flick on the nose.
“Well that’s odd. You’re nicer to a changeling who was locked up for giving a noble bloody nose than you are for a demon-looking dude who’s only in trouble for getting drunk in public?” Chrysalis asked, “You have very skewed priorities, young one.”
“Well... I think it might also be for property destruction,” I muttered as Nurse Joyheart opened the door.
“And for public nudity,” continued the guard. Wait... what?! I looked at him wide-eyed. If I did that, then it must mean that. Oh hell... At least I got my pants back.
“Holy... Well... hell... I think I went to fourteen shots then.” I cast my eyes down in embarrassment. “Hey! New record!” He smiled as his face shot back up.
“Lightweight.” says the goddess who can obviously magic her liver back to health. Screw healing magic.
“Compared to me, maybe.” Candy chirped, giggling lightly. And you're a horse so piss off! “Sooo...public nudity, eh? Kinda wish I got to see that.”
“No you do not, there have only been two occasions that have happened. Last night, and Graffiti night at the University of Texas frats. Never. Again.” I still had hopes that the pictures from that night was never passed around, mankind does not need to know such madness exists. I walked over and hugged Nurse Joyheart then stood to the side to allow the group to pass.
“And you said he wasn’t nice.” Candy said, grinning at Joyheart lewdly.
“Hey Joyheart, would you mind explaining the company, please,” I asked..
“This here is Nurse Candy, she was a student of mine when she first decided to become a nurse. We go way back, and were quite close,” she pointed towards the earth pony. “And this is Queen Chrysalis. She-”
“No need for that one, I know of her,” I cut her off and looked at the Queen. I stepped towards her a bit and inspected her being. A wide smile cut across my face from ear to ear as I looked directly into her eyes. An idea popped into my head as I looked at her.
“Chrysalis... have you ever been glomped?”
“On several occasions, by Knightmare...and oddly enough even Celestia after I requested a peace treaty and handed over my terms of surrender.”
“Well then this might be a familiar feeling.” I quickly backed away, jumped off the wall parallel to the group targeted Chrysalis for the imminent glomp. The changeling Queen responded promptly, wreathing herself in green flames to shapeshift, revealing....something I think I would have been knocked upside the head for looking at on the internet.
“My... well Ah do believe someone has yet tah sober up,” said Joyheart as she looked at the destruction.
“Oh I’m sober.” I looked back at Joyheart as I got up and dust myself off. “Just the first time we met, I was tied down and restrained on a bed without being able to move an inch and I was missing my pants too. Where are they?"
“Oh la la!” Candy said, “Somepony had a happy night!” The cream-colored mare giggled happily.
“Oh hush you,” Joyheart said while she blushed. “It was nothing like that, he was in the hospital!” I quickly caught on to what Candy was doing.
“Yes! I was but a poor injured lad and this temptress, she took advantage of me in such a poor state! Oh how tragic.” I placed the back on my head as if I were to faint.
“Joyheart, Honey, you should have CALLED!” Candy gushed, clearly ‘getting in to character’, “I’d have taught you a few of my old tricks. I mean it’s all because of you that I have a job at all right now, it’s only fair!”
“Wait....you’re THAT ‘Candy Apple’!?” Chrysalis said.
“Wat.” was Knightmare’s only response. I looked at everyone and then back to Joyheart expecting some kind of clarification.
“THE Candy Apple!?” Chrysalis continued, drawing attention from the other prisoners, “From the Naughty Nurse Candy series!? OH MY FAUST I’m your biggest fan!” Suddenly the ‘big bad scary’ Queen Chrysalis was bouncing around like a teenage cheerleader meeting Justin Bieber for the first time. Hyperactive, irritating, and squealing like a pig.
“Yet again. Wat.” was, yet again, Knightmare’s only response. Joyheart started to blush an even deeper crimson.
Wait... Naughty Nurse? And her name is Candy? Wha- Oh. Ohh. Ohhhhhhhhh. I quickly caught on to it and nudged Knightmare.
“So wait... what you are telling us, Miss Candy,” I started.
“By Celestia’s luscious flank...”Knightmare said, “Are you trying to tell me....you’re a...a...”
“PORN STAR!” all those present shouted, almost all with glee[even Blueblood, shockingly].
“Well I might have polished a few staves back in the day....” Candy said, looking at her hoof nonchalantly. “Mighta done a stint or two as Nightmare Moon. But Joyheart, here, taught me what I needed to know to play the part of a horny nurse, and more than enough to earn a license and become one after the industry was forced to go underground. I dunno about you but as much as I love making mares and stallions wet, I don’t love it enough to turn criminal.” I looked over at Joyheart with a deviant smile.
“So what you are telling us,” I winked at Knightmare.
“Don’t say it...please don’t say it.” Joyheart mumbled.
“That you and Candy used to be....” Knightmare turned to Chrysalis with a lecherous grin....
“You wouldn’t....” Candy grumbled...
“Candy Strippers!” Chrysalis said, gleefully, much to the mirth and laughter of the congregated criminals. Except Blueblood, who joined the two nurses in their groan at the horrible pun. What a killjoy....
“Cole, now that wasn’t very kind of yah.” Joyheart looked at me and gave me a chilling glare. I quickly spoke up to defend myself.
“But, it was just too good to pass up! You have to understand Miss!” Joyheart’s eyes stared straight into my soul. We both looked into each other’s eyes and from what any normal pony could see, it was just two individuals staring at each other. However, it was more than that. It was a battle of epic proportions that could only be seen by the spirits and God (and maybe goddess here). I stared into those orbs and only say death and despair and my defenses fell. Joyheart saw her opening and went on a full offensive, stepping closer and closer to me until I was on my knees turning away in submission.
“Now apologize,” she ordered. I looked towards her and Nurse Candy.
“I’m... I’m sorry Nurse Joyheart and to you too Nurse Candy,” my voice dropping to a low murmur.
“Good. That pun was so bad I was ‘bout to start sticking acupuncture needles inta your scrotum.” Nurse Candy said, reverting to her southern accent briefly. I flinched, I did not want to experience that, that just sounded... uncomfortably bad.
“I think she’s mad.” Chrysalis whispered to me, hiding a grin of her own rather poorly.
“Well, you don’t say?” I got back up onto my feet, and stood by Nurse Joyheart’s side.
“Regardless, it’s time to get you two back to the throne room.” Chrysalis spoke calmly, keeping her voice almost perfectly even.
“So...we’re free? Just like that?” I was curious as to why I was being let go.
“ Yes, Celestia officially pardoned Knightmare after taking several testimonies pointing to him protecting my honor, and you, apparently, just needed a few days to sleep off your hangover.” The Changeling Queen turned on her hooves and began walking out of the dungeon block.
“Well, Hellboy?” Knightmare said, his voice no longer nasally...musta been an act, he made a sweeping bow towards the entrance, as the three lovely mares made their exit there. As he followed, he began humming a familiar tune.
“Wait! Ah hell, I don’t know this song,” I complained.
“Just follow what I do,” explained Knightmare, he began beating his wings rapidly, as if calling out a multitude. “It’s all A-capella, we are our own instruments, so just roll with me, sonny.”
“Call me sonny again,” I threatened. “That’s my schtick.”
“How old are you? Because I’m pushing seventy as is....” Knightmare replied, his deadpan reaction betraying nothing. Cole quickly looked away, trying to come up with a quick lie.
“Uh, over 900 years old?” Cole uses Poker Face! It's not very effective...
“Well I’m 40,000, so you whippersnappers best behave!” Chrysalis countered irritably.
I am a man who walks alone And when I’m walking a dark road At night or strolling through the park
Knightmare takes the lead, easing into the song into something that sounds oddly a lot like Iron Maiden. Wait, I actually know this one! Thank you junior high days!
When the light begins to change I sometimes feel a little strange A little anxious when its dark
Cole finally gets into the groove, continuing the lead lines with surprising skill.
Fear of the Dark! Fear of the Dark! I have a constant fear that something’s always near! Fear of the Dark! Fear of the Dark! I have a phobia that someone’s always there!
Both of us efficiently duet the third stanza, the buzz of Knightmare’s wings still pulling duty as the backups. Out of the blue, Chrysalis chimes in, taking up the lead of the song as they enter the suspiciously light-less hallway leaving the dungeons.
Have you run your fingers down the wall And have you felt your neck skin crawl When you’re searching for the light?
Lighting her horn ablaze with magic, she’s able to combat the darkness enough to avoid tripping, but not much else, lending a fittingly ominous aura to the darkened passages.
Sometimes when you’re scared to take a look At the corner of the room you’ve sensed there’s someone watching you!
An eerie chill settles into the air as I feel a presence behind us, following the five of us as we sing and stroll down the darkened hallway.
Have you ever been alone at night Thought you heard footsteps behind And turned around and no one’s there?
Suddenly, and simultaneously, all five of us turn around, but there’s absolutely no one behind us....that we can see. The hair's on the back of my neck rise, wondering if its possible for ghosts to exist in Equestria.
And as you quicken up your pace you find it hard to look again Because you’re sure there’s someone there!
The presence returns once again, I can sense it following us. Call it a sixth sense but I was sure that was what was happening. Or maybe I am just too immersed in the song.
Fear of the Dark! Fear of the Dark! I have a constant fear that something’s always near! Fear of the Dark! Fear of the Dark! I have a phobia that someone’s always there!
[‘instrumental’]
As the five continue, singing the phrase ‘Fear of the Dark’ at regular intervals in various tones, the floorboard lets out a loud creak from behind us, startling all of us and causing Knightmare to run let out a shout and run around checking doors and halls in suspicion, though Chrysalis doesn’t miss a beat in the song. My mind was on edge, wandering what was following us.
Watching horror films the night before Debating Witches and Folklore The unknown troubles on your mind!
She got the nurses, Joyheart and Candy, to join into the song, paralleling her own voice beautifully.
Maybe your mind is playing tricks You sense, and suddenly, eyes fixed On dancing shadows from behind!
The trio of mares turn around, and look down the hall and then turn immediately back, the two nurses with a slight bit of fear in their eyes.
Fear of the Dark! Fear of the Dark! I have a constant fear that something’s always near! Fear of the Dark! Fear of the Dark! I have a phobia that someone’s always there!
Fear of the Dark! Fear of the Dark! I have a constant fear that something’s always near! Fear of the Dark! Fear of the Dark! I have a phobia that someone’s always there!
When I’m walking a dark road... I am the man who walks alone....
“BOO!”
“Jesus Holy Christ!” Knightmare and I screamed in unison, with screeches coming from the nurses and a surprised Chrysalis leaping up just in time to grab the four of them before they fall.
A small figured appeared in front of the group, giggling with a hoof covering her mouth. I quickly grabbed her and held her up to eye level with one hand.
“Alright, very funny, now who are ya,” I asked, annoyance creeping into my voice. Can you blame me? We were just creeped and then scared by the smallest changeling that lives on this planet.
“Rachel, but everyone calls me Mimic,” she continued to giggle. Alright, that is pretty cute, but I must not let my mask fall, I must look tough dangit! I sighed and looked around at everyone.
“Anyone know where she came from?” I looked from Knightmare to the nurses to Chrysalis.
“CryCry, is she yours? She looks like a changeling.” Chrysalis’s brows furrowed at the name.
“I am not CryCry, I am Queen Chrysalis, and you shall refer to me as such.”
“CryCry sounds better,” I deadpanned.
“I’mma be honest, I like it. ChryssiePie.” Knightmare said.
“I’m not ‘ChryssiePie’ either....”
“OK, Cherry Pie.”
“Oh Faustdammit PLEASE don't start singing that song around a CHILD!” Says the queen who just swore in front of said child.
“Cherry Chimichanga,” offered Rachel with a slight smile.
“I’m never going to run out of nicknames at this rate,” Chrysalis deadpanned.
“I LIKE her! Can we keep her?” Knightmare said. I sighed at that.
I found her first though, I call dibs.
“Maybe, depends who her caretaker is,” I told Knightmare. Hoping that he would not be able to beat me to adopting her.
“I’d rather....not.” came an unexpected and familiar voice. That of Crown Princess Cadence of the Crystal Empire.
“Hoyo Cadence!” Knightmare shouted, waving to the pink alicorn through the gloom....and suddenly, all of the lamps and torches came on with a click.
“You...could have just turned on a light switch...” The Princess of Love said, stifling a giggle at Chrysalis’ embarrassed reaction. I turned around and smiled.
“Cadence! So good to see you again!” I walked towards her and bowed before her with a flourish.
“And you as well, Cole, and I see you are at least somewhat clothed.” She saw me blacked out wasted? Well that shall do wonders for my reputation towards the nobles.
“Hey! I have a question,” asked Knightmare. “How does someone in a society of nudists get tagged with a public indecency charge?” That's actually a good question...
“Because,” Chrysalis began, “Most stallions cocks are retractable...his isn’t...and technically neither is yours. Be thankful Celestia didn’t press charges over your ‘towel accident’.” I think I will just let that one slide.
“DAMMIT KNIGHTMARE I CAN’T TAKE YOU ANYWHERE!” Chrysalis screamed, her face redder than blood from embarrassment.
“And this is why we can’t have nice things,” I muttered..
“I’m sorry, queenie, but you’re just so ADORABLE when you’re flustered!”
“I have to side with Knightmare on this one, Chrysalis.” Cadance quipped, “You look so cute I’d love to just pinch your cheeks!” Chrysalis immediately backed away.
“Do it, and you’ll regret it,” hissed Chrysalis.
“OK, how about this?” Cadance asked, and, moving faster than imaginable, locked lips with Chrysalis in a prench kiss. This time it was Knightmare’s job to shield Rachel’s eyes from the sight, much to the young changelings laughter.
Wha- did she just? Forget it. Ponies are officially weird and fall ships are now canon in my mind.
“I wonder how Shiner feels about this,” I muttered aloud.
“Shining?” Knightmare asked, “Dude, this was one of his requests. In exchange for overcoming his anti-changeling racism and helping out in keeping us from going extinct, he gets to see Chrysalis and Cadance get frisky at least once.... Apparently they enjoy each other’s company....better than expected. If ya know what I mean.” I looked from Knightmare to the couple kissing each other.
“I... am at a lost for words,” muttered Cole. “Seriously, I thought everyone would still be cautious with each other, right?”
“Dude, it’s been four months and the changelings have signed a peace treaty that specifically states Celestia will incinerate every last changeling if Chrysalis breaches the treaty. Then again, the whole ‘Chrysalis X Cadance’ thing isn’t in the treaty, she agreed to it because she’s horny.”
All clops are now canon as far as I am concerned now.
“That much I’m willing to admit....” Chrysalis stated, nibbling on Cadance’s horn gently. I stared for a moment and then smacked himself in the face. Nope, naughty thoughts go away, you're a man, a man does not hover over those thoughts! Granted, I am in college, but still!
“Right, so throne room before we give a child an impromptu education in safe sex?” I quickly started walking ahead of the group.
“Sounds like a plan, my man.” Knightmare said, carrying Rachel on his shoulders. He was promptly followed by the four gorgeous mares that had tagged along. The procession continued down the halls until they finally found the throne room.
“The princess said she wanted tah talk tah yah before yah left, Cole,” explained Joyheart, the bag still being carried on her back. “The Doctor was kind enough to pack you some extra clothes in order for you to look presentable, ladies if you please.” Chrysalis and Cadence activated their magic and created a curtain in order for me to change behind. I took the bag off of Joyheart and walked behind the curtain and started to change.
“Well, dudes, ladies, Chrysalis, I bid ye all farewell. I’ve got a band to gather and a road trip to kick off. Be well and blessed be, everypony!” Knightmare set Rachel down on Cadence’s back and buzzed off, using his wing to skate across the floor at high speeds.
I looked through the bag and found my holster, a fresh pair of pants and a vest that would easily allow my arm through. I also found some cologne and a bit of soap that looked like it was to be used as deodorant. I quickly cleaned myself up and pulled back my hair in order to get it slicked down. I detached one of the straps from the bag and made an impromptu strap for the holster. I removed my bandages to find all my wounds cleaned up and healed and started putting on the pants. I wound the holster and strap around my waist and then put on the vest. To complete the ensemble I set the back around my shoulders messenger back style and made sure it was tight to my back. I stepped out from behind the curtains and presented myself to the crowd.
"Well, ladies, if you excuse me, I have an appointment with royalty apparently.
