Attack on sharp teeth
Drops of sweet sweat rolled down Littlefoot's grizzled hide as he stared out at the army of 10,000 sharp teeth outside the walls of the Great Valley. "Wow, this is just like that scene in the second Lord of the Rings movie," he remarked, being a complete weeb who likes to compare everything to his Japanese animes. Unfortunately for him, no horse army was anywhere in sight to save the day.
"Yep, yep, yep," agreed Ducky, who's voice actress deserved everything she got.
The group of small, prehistoric mammals also included Spike, Sarah, and Petrie. Sarah was, of course, named that because she's a Trisarahtops, and also Petrie was a petriedactyle which is like a flying lizard, but not a dragon.
Then, while no one was looking, Spike ate 40 tree stars. He ate forty tree stars. That's as many as four tens, and that's terrible.
Sarah's dad walked up, and his name is also 'Sarah' for the same reason I mentioned a second ago. "Hey Sarah," said Littlefoot casually, "what's going on with all the sharp teeth? Are we gonna fight them or something?"
"Shut your long-neck mouth you fucking pile of shit," he responded. Three-horns don't talk to long-necks. Then he turned to the rest of the group. "We're abandoning the Great Valley. There's no way we could possibly fight all those sharp teeth and no horse army is coming to save us."
"WAAAAAAAH!" All of them responded at the same time like a group of shocked anime characters because I was actually the weeb all along, not Littlefoot.
"But papa, we can't leave the Great Valley. Where else are we gonna get tree stars this dank?" She held up her blunt for emphasis.
"Shit man, those s-sharp teeth can e-e-eat my scrote," announced a distraught Petrie who has asperger's.
"Yep, yep, yep," Ducky agreed.
"Don't be upset little ones, except for you Littlefoot. Fuck you. We can find a new home elsewhere. We just have to all go together and nothing bad could possibly happen. You'll see," said Sarah's dad tenderly as he leaned in and whispered a few sultry words into Sarah's ear hole. Sarah got those bedroom eyes and batted him with a dinosaur hoof playfully.
"Oh shucks, save it for later, dad," she chuckled with a blush.
Just then, a sharp tooth suicide bombed the wall of the Great Valley, blowing a massive hole in it. Before the smoke could even settle, hundreds of sharp teeth were flooding into the valley, praising the great sky T-rex. At that moment, the dinosaurs of the great valley received a grim reminder that they live in fear of the sharp teeth.
"Holy shit man, everypony run!" Shouted Sarah's dad as he led the group towards the secret escape passage at the other end of the Great Valley. All around them sharp teeth were blowing up, destroying the defenseless herbivores by the dozens. I mean, maybe if they weren't such infidels they wouldn't have had to deal with this.
They hardly got half way there when a sharp tooth jumped in front of them, wearing a turbine on its head. The group immediately skid to a halt and Sarah's dad pointed his three, mighty horns at the interloper. "We don't like your kind 'round these parts," he explained.
"Now wait just a minute there, not all sharp teeth are terrorists. Sharp teeth are actually peace-loving dinosaurs and only a small percent of us actually cause problems, and they aren't even real sharp teeth. Our sharp tooth religion is one of peace and most of us don't even stone our women or fuck goats."
"Wow, really?" asked Petrie, who's stupid and gullible.
"Then what are those strapped to your belly?" Littlefoot wondered, honestly not sure because he wasn't wearing his glasses. The Sharp Tooth looked down, realizing that the gig was up, they had spotted the belt of explosives strapped to his chest.
Without a moment's hesitation the sharp tooth charged at Sarah's dad. "Tyrannusauru Rexbar!"
Before the group could do anything, there was an explosion and Sarah's dad was blown to bits. Littlefoot was thrown to the ground, the ringing in his ears the only thing he could hear as he dizzily got up and looked around. A clubtail flailed past him, engulfed in flames. He turned to his left and saw an armless duck bill wandering around. After a moment, it reached down and picked up its arm before shambling away.
"Littlefoot!" The sound of Petrie screaming in his ear finally got his attention as the ringing died down. "Get a hold of yourself, man, we gotta make like Jimmie Nutron and blast!" It's canon because Jimmy Nutron goes back in time in one episode.
"Yep, yep, yep," said Ducky and also she has Asperger's too.
Before long, the group of nimble, little dinos had made it to the other side of the Great Valley, where the sharp teeth hadn't gotten to yet. There they saw Littlefoot's grandma and grandpa, who seemed oblivious to the panic going on a short distance away.
Littlefoot stopped and yelled at them. "Are you guys not wearing your hearing aids today?"
The long necks scrunched their eyes as they looked at him. "Littlefoot, is that you? What are you whipper snappers up to today? Hopefully not walking on MY grass."
"Are you guys wearing your hearing aids?" repeated Littlefoot.
"What?" they asked in unison.
"Are you wearing your hearing aids?!" shouted Littlefoot.
The two longnecks looked at each other and chuckled. "We're a bit to old to have eggs, Littlefoot."
"No, are you wearing your hearing aids?!" he screamed.
"Well, if you really want to know, we do both have HIV, but it isn't full-blown AIDS yet," responded Grandma.
Littlefoot was about to yell again, when he instead let out a sigh. "Never mind," he turned to walk away when his Grandpa called out to him.
"Oh, Littlefoot, your Grandma and I have been talking, and we've decided you're old enough to know the truth."
Littlefoot spun around and fixed them with a wrench-like stare, "the truth?"
"You're adopted," announced Grandma bluntly. "We're not your real parents."
Littlefoot scrunched up his face like a sock after I've masturbated into it. "Well, I already knew that. You're my grandparents. I knew my mom."
Of course, they couldn't hear a word he was saying, and just continued. "Your real parents are at this address," they explained as they handed him a 10.5" x 8" sheet of loose leaf notebook paper with an address written on it in sharpie. "Go there and learn who you really are."
Littlefoot was about to explain to them that they were wrong when a sharp-tooth came out of fucking nowhere, strapped with enough c4 to destroy an entire bag of long-necks. Before Spike could eat even half of forty leaf stars Littlefoot's grandparents were a smoldering pile of rubble. Scorched Earth.
"Holy shit," shouted Sarah, who had PTSD from watching her father get blown up in the exact same way, which made this scene particularly stressful for her.
"Come on," alerted Petrie who spotted over a hundred sharp teeth coming their way, "let's get the f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-flippin' heck outa here." Without further adieu, they made it into the secret passage, which was actually only large enough for small dinosaurs to fit through anyway so none of the others would been able to escape regardless.
"Aw jeez, the Great Valley is destroyed," sulked Petrie.
"Yep, yep, yep," Ducky said in a defeated tone.
"What are we gonna do now?" Wondered Sarah, who has basically the same name as little foot's mom, which I find kind of strange. Like, do dinosaurs only have a few dozen names or something?
Littlefoot looked down at the note in his dinosaur hoof. "I suppose we can go to this address. Maybe whoever they are will let us stay there."
"Sounds like a plan, chief," said Sarah as they made their way through the passage. It looked like the group had quite the adventure on their hands. Little did they know, they were being followed. Chomper, the only sharp tooth small enough to fit through the hole, glared at them. He'd never forgive them for what they'd done. He'd make them pay...
"Wow, that sure was an epic adventure," said Littlefoot as he and his party stepped out of the dark woods. "I still can't believe Spike managed to solo the Lich King." Spike had that same smug look he always has, but now he had a legendary sword strapped to his back.
Sarah chuckled, "I thought it was pretty impressive how you used the shares to gain godlike powers and collided the four floating islands, killing everyone in Gameindistri."
"Yep, yep, yep," acknowledged Ducky.
"I still can't b-believe it's not b-b-butter," stuttered Petrie, completely ruining the joke.
Littlefoot looked down at the sheet of paper, and then looked up. "Hey look, we're here."
The group looked up and, sure enough, on a nearby cottage was the exact address on the note. The house was right on the edge of town, so the group walked up to the door. "The year's 20XX, who still lives in houses?" wondered Sarah, who'd never even been inside a house, much less lived in one.
"It's like these people don't even sleep in the dirt with the camels," said Littlefoot, announcing his disgust. Unbeknownst to him, the owner of this house had slept in the dirt with many a camel, if'n you catch my driftwood.
"You know, now that we're here, I'm a little nervous in the service about who we're gonna meet. I mean, what kind of freak lives in a house? Maybe we should just leave," said Petrie like a sniveling, little creep.
"No way, Jose-bot," announced Littlefoot who's basically in charge, "we came this far, we can't possibly turn back now. Not when we're so close!"
"I-I'm Petrie," Petrie said, a little upset his closest friend had forgot his name.
Ignoring the winged-lizard, he took a deep breath and readied himself. Honestly, Littlefoot was a bit nervous in the service too, but he didn't want to show it in front of everypony else. Then he felt a dinosaur hand on his shoulder. He turned and saw that it was Ducky, who nodded her head at him.
"Yep, yep, yep," she reassured.
Littlefoot turned back and steeled himself, preparing for the worst as he walked up to the door and pushed the doorbell several times. After a few moments, a tiny horse answered, opening the door and looking at them. She just sighed and rubbed her face with one horse hand. "Mooooom! It's for you!"
The group of dinosaurs shared a look of confusion as another horse showed up at the door. She was some gross purplish color and had similar-colored hair, though the group couldn't actually tell because dinosaurs are colorblind. So are horses, for that matter, but this was no ordinary-human horse. It was actually a pony and they were all in Ponyville.
"If you're looking for child support you aint gettin' any from me," said Berry abruptly as she moved to slam the door. Littlefoot was lightning fast, though, like some kind of horrible, rocket cheetah, and he slammed Petrie into the gap in the door before she could close it all the way.
"Not so fast, horse," he said, "I will not be denied." Despite being baby dinosaurs, Littlefoot was actually almost twice the size of Berry, and he easily broke the door in half with his mighty dinosaur hoof.
"We don't want any trouble now," said Berry, who was starting to sweat sweet sweet sweat.
"You got trouble," announced Littlefoot as he barged his way inside. "Trouble's my middle name."
Sarah smashed her way through the wall and took a look around, "nice place ya' got 'ere."
"Yep, yep, yep," said Ducky, who didn't even take her shoes off as she walked across the carpet. Spike was in the kitchen, cleaning out the fridge.
Berry had had just bout enough. No way was she gonna let some little punks come in here and walk all over her. She jumped out of the way before being stepped on. "Hey, what the hibbity-heck is going on here?"
Littlefoot turned and gave her the paper. "This is your address, isn't it?"
She looked it over, "well yeah."
"Then that means you're my real mother," said Littlefoot. There was a gasp from the live studio audience, and Berry looked over to Maury.
"Is this true?!"
Maury Povich pulled out a manila envelope and looked each person assembled in the eye before he pulled the sheet out. "According to the DNA test, Littlefoot is, in fact, your son."
"Damn, I knew I shouldn't have fucked literally every type of creature on this planet," Berry cried in outrage as she remembered back to her insane college days. "Well this is a real problem. I already have one little shit to deal with," she finished, pointing at Berry Pinch, who was 'Mommy's favorite accident'. Mainly because he other accident, as it turned out, was a fucking dinosaur.
Haha, wow! What a goofy situation! What shenanigans will our protagonists find themselves in next? Well you just gotta read the next chapter to find out you digital dumbey!