How To Not Think Things Through
Time to Plan
Chapter 1: How To Not Think Things Through
by Jonathan “KnightMysterio” Spires
All characters not original copyrighted to Hasbro and used without permission for non-profit amusement reasons. All original characters copyrighted to me, so no stealz plz. Comments, constructive criticism, and compliments are always appreciated.
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Ponyville...
Noon...
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A guard stopped to rest, panting from exertion. “How do Earth ponies do all this running,” the unicorn muttered. “I'm trained for endurance but even I can't go all day like this...”
A passerby, a cross-eyed gray pegasus with a cluster of bubbles for a cutie mark, flew up to him, offering him a bottle of water. “You gonna be okay?” she asked.
The unicorn nodded, catching his breath. “Yeah. Thank you, Miss...”
“Muffins,” the pegasus said, smiling.
The guard nodded. “Castle Walls,” he said. “And you should get to safety. We're chasing a dangerous criminal, one who's technology could potentially...”
“Destroy Equestria?” Muffins said, smiling.
Castle Walls stared at her. Muffins shrugged. “Yeah, we have a crisis like that about... oh, once a week. Sometimes we have a hiatus between the crises, so that's nice,” she said. “But really, villains showing up don't bother anypony anymore.”
“...Why is this town not leveled?” Castle Walls said.
Muffins shrugged, giggling. “Don't you have a villain to catch?”
Castle Walls blinked, and nodded. “Right, I'll...”
“YOU WILL NEVER STOP MY SCHEMES! BWAHAHAHA!” shouted the villainous Earth Pony as she trampled Castle Walls, not even noticing the unicorn as she ran from the Elements of Harmony, Discord, Celestia, Luna, Shining Armor, Cadance, a full regiment of royal guards from both Canterlot and the Crystal Empire, and a third of the Wonderbolts. All of whom trampled the guard without noticing him.
“...I'll just lay here and bleed,” Castle Walls groaned. Muffins just smiled, leaving him a muffin and flying off.
The gray and white Earth pony villain, Tech Leader (not her real name, but she thought it sounded impressive), despite her declaration, was actually at a bit of a loss on what to do next. Her plan was drastic, she knew that. She knew she'd attract the attention of heroes with her scheme, she didn't think she'd attract ALL OF THEM AT ONCE.
Truthfully, she was actually kind of proud. The last villain that merited anywhere near this much attention with Tirek. However, she fought the urge to skip. That would slow her down. She glanced back at her Cutie Mark, an advanced circuit board that was partially hidden by the gear-laden labcoat the yellow-furred, black-maned scientist wore, and grinned. It was a sign of her genius, her power. Her right to rule Equestria with a technological fist.
But first she had to get to her lab. Now if only the armored leg-boosters increasing her running speed would hold out...
“Surrender, Tech Leader!” shouted Twilight Sparkle, shooting a magical blast. Tech Leader barely managed to avoid it, making a wide leap that carried her over an apple cart.
“Sorry, 'Princess!'” Tech Leader cackled. “But I'm not about to give up on my dreams just because some random authority figure says they're bad for society!”
“You tried to create a virus that would kill every dragon on the planet!” Celestia snapped, firing a solar blast at her. Tech Leader's mechanically enhanced reflexes were the only thing that saved her from incineration.
Tech Leader sneered. “They are inferior! Ponies are the master race!” she cackled. “And I am going to PROVE IT!”
“Not on our watch!” Rainbow Dash challenged, the cyan pegasus charging Tech Leader, swooping in with near Rainboom speed. As she got close, however, Tech Leader pressed a button on a device on her wrist, teleporting out of the way. Rainbow Dash slammed into the ground, leaving a long trail in the dirt. Applejack and Soarin quickly helped her up, rejoining the chase.
“Your enhancements can't hold out forever!” Celestia called, firing out a blast of pure solar energy which Tech Leader was barely able to avoid.
”They've held out this long, haven't they?” Tech Leader cackled. “I will prove the superiority of Ponykind, and then prove my OWN superiority by leading them into a glorious future!”
“You're insane!” Luna shouted, adding her own shots to the barrage of magical blasts and snares being shot at the fast moving Earth Pony.
“Dangit,” Applejack muttered, “even Pinkie Pie don't move that durn quick!”
“Only when its funny,” Pinkie Pie said, looking just as grumpy as Applejack. “Like, things are so super duper serious right now, I can't invoke any of my usual gags...”
“Save the conversation for later!” Shining Armor said, cursing when another magical snare he shot missed. “We have to stop her before she can get away!”
“I still can't believe that she'd go so far as to try genocide,” Fluttershy said softly.
Twilight growled. “I do. She tried to kill Spike directly when her plan didn't work,” she said. “I'm not gonna let her get away with this, no matter how long it takes.”
Tech Leader glanced at a power-reading in her exo-suit's goggles. She was almost out of power, and then she'd just be a normal Earth Pony with several very pissed off heroes bearing down on her. She ran as fast she could, heading for her lab just a few miles out of town.
“C'mon... c'mon!” Tech Leader muttered. She could see her lab in the distance, closing fast. If she could just get within the boundries of her grounds... “HA!”
She leaped through her gate, which slammed shut behind her. Aerial attack drones and turrets popped out of the ground and started attacking the heroes. She turned to mock them... only to see the four princesses destroy most of her drones in short order, Shining Armor creating a shield that blocked the turret fire and knocked down her gate. The Crystal Prince's face was a mask of anger, his shield making him a juggernaut as he charged forward unhindered.
“Oh crap oh crap oh CRAP!!” Tech Leader yelped, running for her main laboratory. “Gotta get to the device... If I can get to it, then I win!”
“What's she talking about?” Spitfire asked Shining Armor.
“No clue,” the prince said, still charging. “We'll ask her about once we've captured her and maybe beat the crap out of her a little.” NO ONE harmed his little brother and got away without being hurt.
“YOU WON'T ESCAPE!” Twilight snarled, glowing with tremendous power.
Tech Leader made a terrified squeak, and retreated further into her lab. Finally, however, she found what she was looking for. A large, high-tech platform with a quintuple layer glass dome over it, placed in a corner near a console. She slammed a gray hoof down on the console, the glass dome surrounding it slamming down.
She laughed as the heroes skidded to a halt, several slamming into the dome before they could stop themselves.
Tech Leader laughed. “Hardened and reinforced mega glass!” she crowed. “My own invention! It will take you years to...”
Discord quirked an eyebrow in amusement and snapped his fingers, turning the first layer of glass into nachos. Said layer crumbled instantly. Twilight headbutted the second layer, which shattered easier than the nachos. Tech Leader's laughter died in her throat, becoming a strangled yelp. She immediately began activating her device, entering in a huge number. Immediately, as Celestia melted through the third layer, the machine came to life, the platform surrounding her with a glowing blue aura.
Tech Leader felt the tingle of energy around her, and sighed in relief. She could feel herself being displaced. As Luna destroyed the last two layers of her protection with a gravity spell, she turned to them and smirked. Shining Armor threw some of the broken glass at her, only for it to pass through her unharmed. She laughed viciously.
“You may have defeated me in this era,” Tech Leader crowed as she faded out of existence, “but you won't stop me in the future! I'm traveling ten million years forward! I'll learn how to use the technology of that era and come back, conquering all of you foals! And then Equestria's purification can begin!”
Celestia, Twilight, Luna, and any unicorn that knew similar spells tried to cast anchoring spells to keep her in place. But Tech Leader faded away, the spells cast in her direction unable to latch on to anything. The last heard of her was her insane laughter as she vanished into the future.
“Damn it,” Shining Armor said. “All right! Troops, prepare for chronal incursions! Spread out! I want this base surrounded and... and...” He paused, the troops already moving to surround the laboratory. To his surprise, though, Princess Celestia and Discord did not seem worried. The two of them whispered to each other briefly, Luna, Cadance, and Twilight going over to join them. The five immortals talked quietly for a few moments, and then calmly exited the lab.
The remaining Element Bearers gave Shining Armor a concerned look. He frowned, following after Discord and the Princesses. Spitfire, Fleetfoot, and Soarin, along with the other Element bearers, followed him.
“Sir?” Spitfire asked. “I... The rest of the 'bolts and I are feelings like we came in the middle of a movie here. What's happening? Who is Tech Leader?”
“A madmare,” Shining Armor said. “Her real name is Winky Whispers. The MOMENT she discovered her talent for technology, she changed her name to...”
“...something far less humiliating?” Rainbow Dash suggested, smirking.
Shining Armor rolled his eyes. “Well... yes. She innovated a lot of new technologies, including the power-enhancing devices that allowed her to keep ahead of all our attacks. The problem was that she was also an intense racist. The guard caught her trying to make a poison meant to kill all dragons in the world, Princess Celestia getting suspicious when she began questioning pegasi about using clouds as a delivery system.”
“She tried to test it on Spike, Twilight's young assistant,” Rarity said, glowering. “Miserable harridan. I'll never forgive her for this...”
Soarin blinked. “That little dragon dude?” he asked. “He's not...”
“No, thankfully,” Rarity said, sighing. “But he'll be in the hospital for weeks, working that foul venom out of his system.”
Spitfire nodded. “Okay, I think I get it,” she said. “But... why are the royals and Discord acting so calm now? If Tech Leader manages to come back from the future...”
“That's what I intend to find out,” Shining Armor said, motioning for the others to stay back while he went to talk to them.
The four princesses were sitting around a table set up by Discord, casually drinking tea. Discord himself was being surprisingly subtle, having put on a butler's uniform and was standing close by with a teapot. Shining Armor stared at them for a long moment, and scowled.
“Princesses...” he started.
“Calm yourself, Shining Armor,” Princess Celestia said.
“Indeed,” Princess Luna said, smiling warmly. “All will be well.”
“In time, anyway,” Princess Cadance said. Princess Twilight just nodded sagely, the four princesses closing their eyes and sipping their tea in perfect unison.
Shining Armor fumed. “Oh no, you are NOT pulling this all-knowing enigmatic horseapples right now. SPITFIRE!”
The aforementioned Wonderbolt flew up to Shining Armor. The guard captain turned prince snorted once. “Code D0U53,” he said, spelling out the code.
Spitfire snickered. The Wonderbolt captain flew up to a nearby cloud, one big enough to cover the table, and pushed it over the impromptu tea party. Discord, sensing what was about to happen, manifested an umbrella. But only over himself. Spitfire punched the cloud, a torrent of water gushing down over the princesses, leaving them sputtering, wet... and laughing.
Princess Cadance giggled. “We told you he'd go for a cloud right away, Auntie!” she said. “That's fifty bits you owe me and Twilight.”
Princess Celestia shook herself, making the other three yelp as she got water off her larger body. “True, true. I suppose you would have a better estimate of Shining Armor's patience than I.”
Shining Armor grimaced. “I'm missing something here,” he said, visibly irritated. “The moment Tech Leader vanished, you four went from Righteous Revenge Mode to Happy Princess Tea Party mode.”
Discord, chuckling, shook his head. “My my,” he said. “Cadance must have married you for your looks, because it certainly wasn't for your brains.”
Shining Armor started to stay something, when Twilight spoke up first. “Firstly, you? Shut up, my BBBFF is awesome.”
“Especially on our anniversaries,” Cadance said, waggling her eyebrows suggestively. The gathered soldiers and heroes chuckled, Shining Armor managing to smirk.
“Too much information class five...” Twilight muttered, making Discord laugh. She shook her head, and continued. “Anyway, secondly, Shining, I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN what Tech Leader did to Spike. And she will pay for it.” She rubbed some of the water off of her face. “That being said, right now we have nothing to worry about.”
Shining Armor blinked. “Twily, she's gone ten million years into the future. If she gets the technology she needs, then...”
“So who said she'll get it?” Discord chuckled. “You seem to forget, Shining Armor. You're looking at five immortal beings.”
“Immortals. As in beings who have time to WAIT ten million years for an imbecile to show up at this exact spot,” Luna said with smirk.
“Oh...” Shining Armor said, his eyes widening and a smile spreading over his face. “We've already won, haven't we?”
Princess Celestia grinned. “You see? All Tech Leader has done is give us more than enough time to plan. We'll be more than ready for her by the time she appears in our future.”
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Ten Million Years Later...
Tech Leader's lab...
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Tech Leader appeared in a swirl of lightning on her platform, far into the future. She looked around, and to her surprise, her laboratory was perfectly preserved as it was. She frowned a little, but shrugged.
“Some word of my work must have gotten out over the millenia,” she reasoned, smiling as she looked over the perfectly preserved state of her lab, the damage from the earlier battle completely repaired. She entered the code to unlock the protective dome, and to her delight, her code was still functional.
“Ha! Excellent!” she said. She stepped out of the time machine, and went to repairing her battle armor, calmly disabling the security measures so she wouldn't be attacked on the way out. She strode out of her lab's front door... and frowned.
Everything looked the same. The forest around it, the sounds and smells... Nothing had changed. “Ten million years, you'd think they'd have plowed over Everfree by now,” Tech Leader muttered. She shrugged, checking her powered armor's weapons and striding into the forest. She was more than certain she'd be able to handle anything.
She strode through the forest, heading towards Ponyville. She scanned from side to side. The creatures were there, but strangely, everything she encountered just seemed to be watching her. Staring at her. Tech Leader began to feel uneasy, the Earth pony genius unsettled by how calm the supposedly unstable forest seemed to be.
“It's just progress,” she tried to tell herself. “All this is is the result of inevitable progress, the taming of Everfree...” Maybe if she said it enough, she'd believe it.
A giggle sounded in her left ear.
She whirled, shoulder mounted energy cannons popping up. “Who... who's there?”
The giggle again, this time in her right ear. She spun in the other direction, firing plasma blasts from her shoulder cannons. A chill wind froze her guns. And right behind her, a hate-filled voice whispered “DON'T.”
Tech Leader considered all her options and came to the logical conclusion of getting the buck out of there!! Ponyville couldn't be far now!
Giggling followed her out of the forest, as she passed into a clearing. Tech Leader ran through, briefly glancing at the sign. “Welcome to... to Ponytropolis?!”
She skidded to a halt, and looked around, gasping. Where the little hamlet of Ponyville once stood was a thriving city. Crystal skyscrapers intermixed with towering tree skyscrapers, crystalline vehicles flying overhead. Flashing billboards showed holographic advertisements, one of them touting Ponytropolis as the home of the original Sugarcube Corner, which from what Tech Leader could guess meant that the Cakes had turned their humble little shop into a megafranchise. Towering in the distance was Twilight Castle, shining and gleaming in the sunlight, no longer looking so weirdly out of place, especially now that it had grown along with the city. Everything was beautiful. Even better than Tech Leader had dreamed!
“Ha! HAHAHA! WONDERFUL!” she crowed. “This era has MORE than advanced to have the technology I'll need! A little more magic remains than I expected, but...” She looked again at the city, and frowned, ducking behind a wall. “Uh oh...”
Everypony in the city was an alicorn. And to top it off, zebras, griffons, changelings, hippocampi, deer, and what looked like dragon-pony hybrids moved among the alicorns as if it was the most natural thing in the world. “It seems that I am going to be the odd pony out,” Tech Leader said, looking at her distinct lack of horn and wings. “And on top of that, my values of racial purity never made it to this era... Frustrating...” She shook her head. “Well, no matter. I'll just...”
“Your hatred leads me to you,” whispered a voice in Tech Leader's ear. “It feeds us. It feeds me...”
Letting out a shriek of fright, Tech Leader whirled, leaping out of her hiding place. She screamed again when she saw what was behind her.
Looming over her, larger than life, was a trio of Windigos. And leading them was the ghostly, ethereal form of a pony she knew. Her eyes glowed white, and her wings had become crystalline ice, but her prismatic mane and tail were unmistakable.
“R-Rainbow Dash?” Tech Leader stammered.
“Rainbow Hurricane,” corrected the frigid entity. “Queen of the Windigos.” She grinned, revealing sharp teeth. “Your racism is delicious to me. A rare treat in this regrettably peaceful world.”
“Now now, Rainbow,” said a cheerful voice. Ghostly energy swirled into view, forming over Rainbow Hurricane's shoulder into the vague shape of a mare. “You and your Windigos may not have very much hate to feed on nowadays, but isn't it a much nicer world because of it?”
“Easy for you to say, Ghostly Pie,” Rainbow Hurricane said, smirking. “We feed on hate and anger.”
The ghostly energy formed into the spirit of Pinkie Pie. The ghost giggled. “Well, we'll just have to make you and your kids some meanie pants burger with extra sleaze!” Ghostly Pie then turned to Tech Leader, her mane becoming loose and stringy as she grinned wide enough to swallow the armored Earth Pony whole. “ANY VOLUNTEERS TO BE THE BURGER?”
It is to Tech Leader's credit that she didn't pee herself in fright. As it stands, she did shriek in terror, running for her life further into the city, Rainbow Hurricane and Ghostly Pie following her. Tech Leader ran for the center of town, tripping over a sign that pointed towards the Zecora Memorial Apothecary. As she approached the square, though, a loud, rumbling stomp made her skid to a halt.
Her eyes shrinking to pinpricks, she turned in the direction the stomping was coming from. A strangled squeaking as a massive golem of crystal and metal stomped into view, one that was, bizarrely, wearing a massive stetson hat and decorated with three apples painted onto its flank.
“REALLY JackAI,” said a haughty, powerful voice. Tech Leader whirled, seeing two massive elder dragons perch on a roof nearby, the crystal-white female with the purple spines, one curling elegantly like a mane forelock over each of her five heads, the other a hulking, purple, single-headed beast with green spins and an impossibly wide wingspan. The five-headed female snickered. “Using the Apple Megalith body?”
To Tech Leader's surprise, the robot, its eyes glowing orange, let out a chuckle, a surprisingly feminine voice coming from it. “Shoot, Rarity. Y'all know that Magic wanted us to go showy for this one.”
“She does have a point, Rariamat,” the male dragon said, smiling. “We did make something of an entrance ourselves just now.”
One of Rarity's heads nuzzled the male. “Ah, my darling Spykoran,” she said through another head. “Allow me the pleasure of teasing my friends once in a while, hm?”
The other two chuckled as Rainbow Hurricane and Ghostly Pie caught up, cutting off one avenue of escape. Tech Leader yelped, and tried to bolt, but a quintuple fireball from the dragon queen Rarity had become made her stay put.
“Ah ah ah,” she said. “The others still have to make their own entrances.”
“Others?!” Tech Leader wailed. How many of the other Elements survived to this time period!?
Spykoran, once little Spike, just smirked. “Yep. We got a BIG greeting planned for you.”
Tech Leader giggled nervously. “Eheheh... No hard feelings about those poisoned gems, right?”
Spykoran's eyes narrowed. “What do you think?” he rumbled, smiling and showing two rows of VERY sharp teeth.
NOW Tech Leader peed herself in fright, her armor thankfully insulated so she didn't shock herself. All things considered, no one really held it against her. What's next?! Tech Leader moaned inwardly.
She got her answer quickly, when a nearby building suddenly turned into a giant wedding cake, the inhabitants rather startled to find themselves as living decorations on the pasty. The top of the cake exploded in a cloud of fireworks, Discord and another draconequus emerged, a lovely one with the wings of a hawk and a bat, the arms of a wolf and a calico housecat, the legs of an elk and a cheetah, the body of a dragoness, the horns of a caribou and a goat, the tail of a wasp, and the head of...
No way... Tech Leader thought. “Fluttershy!?” she said, stunned.
“Flutterbold, actually,” the draconequus corrected, grinning lasciviously and coiling around Discord, the two kissing passionately. Once she came up for air, she added, “'Shy' went south for the winter a LOOOONG time ago.”
“Such passion! Such wild abandon in your show of affection! Wondrous!” said a combined voice. Tech Leader looked up, spotting what looked like an alicorn at first, but one that was radiating raw power far different from the mundane alicorns that populated the city.
One half of the alicorn was Princess Cadance. The other half was Shining Armor. The combined entity grinned. “We are Love! And Love has awaited your return, Tech Leader!”
“...WOW that's disturbing,” Tech Leader said, Love just laughing in response.
“Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction when it first happened,” said an alicorn that strode confidently up to Tech Leader. Before the terrified technician could say anything, green fire swirled around the alicorn, who transformed into Queen Chrysalis, the infamous leader of the changelings. Although she was much different from how Tech Leader remembered her during the Royal Wedding Fiasco.
Gone were the rot holes that dotted her wings, mane, tail, and legs. Gone were the eyes filled with hatred. Her mane and tail were now poofier, more styled, and her wings were crystalline butterfly wings. To Tech Leader's shock, Chrysalis now also had a cutie mark, a green, radiant heart.
The fused Love entity landed to Chrysalis and kissed her on the cheek, the Changeling Queen blushing. Love smiled at Tech Leader. “Behold Empress Chrysalis, Ruler of the Crystal Imperium. Our bride.”
Tech Leader's eyes were bulging out of her head. “WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!? HAS THE ENTIRE WORLD GONE MAD?”
“We all go a little mad sometimes,” said her own shadow. Tech Leader squeaked, leaping away, as a dark, shadowy alicorn emerged from it, his horn a blood red curve.
“Who in blazes are you?!” she shrieked.
The shadow chuckled. “You were alive during the era of my second coming. Surely you've heard of King Sombra?” he said.
Tech Leader stared. She'd heard the reports, of course, but there hadn't been a detailed description of the once king. Just rumors and hearsay, nothing concrete. To see him here like this... “Aren't you an enemy of the Crystal Empire?!”
King Sombra, radiating dark power like Love was radiating benevolence, blushed and turned to look at the Love entity. “Love... can change a stallion...” Sombra said softly. Love just smiled at him.
Tech Leader QUICKLY blocked out the images that were forming in her head. She looked around, the various superbeings watching her with a careful gaze, various citizens watching the spectacle with growing interest. She tried to figure out a way to get around this, but with so many powerful beings here, she felt completely overpowered. All of her tech, all of her genius, useless.
“All of your tech, all of your genius, useless,” said a voice, agreeing with her thoughts.
Tech Leader looked up. Descending from above like angels from heaven were four alicorns, radiating majesty and power like Sombra and the Love entity were. Three of them she only knew from studying the history of Twilight and her friends. But they were all together now, circling Tech Leader and moving in perfect unison.
One was Twilight Sparkle. Another was Trixie Lulamoon. The third was Sunset Shimmer. The fourth was Starlight Glimmer. Tech Leader stared at them as they landed, the four alicorns smiling benevolently.
“Who... what...” Tech Leader stammered.
When the four alicorns spoke, they spoke as one, moving in perfect unison. “Where once was four, now there is one. Our minds, our souls, all now exist as one. We are Magic Incarnate, the embodiment of this planet's life force. We welcome you to the future, Tech Leader.”
Tech Leader staggered, falling to her knees. “...I never had a chance, did I?” she said, her mistake finally occurring to her. Time travel means nothing to immortals who can wait for you...
Magic Incarnate traded amused looks amongst her four bodies. “On the contrary,” Magic said in her fourfold voice. “You have every chance in the world now. Much has changed. We have changed. You have a grand and glorious opportunity, Tech Leader, to abandon the petty pride and hatred that has guided your life. Become a new mare, and join a society where Friendship and Love are the guiding lights of the world.”
Tech Leader stared at the ground. “What happened to Princess Celestia and Princess Luna?” she asked after a long moment.
“They too await you,” Magic said. “In my castle. Because of the nature of their ascension, Queen Celestia and Queen Luna cannot exist amongst mortals for long periods of time. They wait there, guarded by their consorts, the reformed Kings of Tartarus, Tirek and Scorpan.”
Tech Leader groaned. “Of course...” she muttered. “Of course Tirek's been reformed.”
Magic's Sunset and Twilight bodies helped Tech Leader to her hooves. “We are offering you a chance,” Magic said, all four of her bodies standing side by side and smiling. “A chance to grow as a pony, and truly become a technological leader. Will you accept our friendship?”
Tech Leader looked around. All the ponies and other beings she had looked down on, now living a happy life with a true pantheon protecting them. All her ambitions turned to ash. All she had left was battle armor that she had peed herself in.
“...I suppose I have no choice,” she said softly.
“Life is always a choice, darling,” said Rarity, chuckling.
Spykoran nodded, smiling calmly. “You just have to make the right one.”
Tech Leader shook her head, sighing. “I accept your offer,” she said. “But... is there a place I could get cleaned up first?”
Magic smiled, nodding. “Come. A cleansing is always a good way to start your new life.”
TO BE CONTINUED...