Twilight is told the story of how a very strange man from the pokemon earth became the king of Griffinstone.
My dearest Twilight. It has come to my attention that a new king has been crowned in Griffinstone. Though I would normally not get involved in the people's decision to elect a new leader as that is their right, the reports I have received hold some ...odd details about him. Some rumors state that he is a dragon, a pony, and various types of pokemon. Then there are the laws that he had apparently passed. It seems that those delicious scones I remember have been replaced by something called pizza, which is now the official national food of Griffinstone. I would go myself but I seem to have a sudden increase in the amount of paperwork I have to do now that the ponies of Canterlot have become used to the pokemon in the city. So I must ask you to go in my place to both investigate and welcome the new king.
your friend Celestia.
p.s. I will be sending Blueblood with you in the hopes that he will learn how to behave from your example.
p.p.s. Please take Biochem with you. He just blew up his lab, again...along with two other classrooms. I told him to leave that Voltorb alone.
Twilight finished reading the reports that Celestia had given her for the seventh time since they had got on the train. If she could say one thing about the reports it was that they were something alright. One said that the king had officially renamed Tuesday, Taco Tuesday. It sounded like something that Pinkie Pie would do, which explained why the perpetually peppy pink party pony had come along with them.
Pinkie was bouncing back and forth along the train, occasionally popping up in a seat to stare out of a window. She had appeared just as they were getting on the train by climbing out of a suitcase. When asked what she was doing Pinkie had told Twilight that her Pinkie sense was telling her that there was going to be a super duper party where they were going. "And I can't miss a party like that!" Pinkie had shouted.
Blueblood was being his normal self. Which means that he was bossing the train staff around like they were his personal servants. Though there did seem to be a very small improvement in his attitude towards pokemon if how he treated the one helping the ponies was any indication. He was still a royal pain as Rarity would put it, and he kept giving the Slurpuff any ridiculous order he could think of for his own amusement, but he was careful to not call it an animal.
Twilight glanced across the train car at the other stallion that had come with them. She looked him up and down from his white mane and brown coat, to his DNA helix cutie mark. She kept looking at his cutie mark as she thought about him. They had been classmates and science partners in Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns or PCSGU for short, which he was able to attend despite being an earth pony because of him being a legitimate genius like herself. Also like her he had a tendency to experiment and invent in his lab. Unlike Twilight however Bio Chem's experiments and inventions often resulted in explosions, which was bad for PCSGU as he was the professor of genetics. He was coming with them because of his most recent explosion, which happened when he attempted to put a Voltorb into his special x-ray machine. Twilight had been meaning to reestablish their friendship over the past month ever since they had met back up in Canterlot to help Celestia with the pokemon, but stuff kept happening to prevent her from doing that. Bio Chem was currently going through his notes on pokemon biology at a near ravenous pace as he had been banned from studying pokemon while in Canterlot until the repairs were finished, but they were not in Canterlot. Celestia had personally asked Twilight to get him out of her hair, and the city, for a while and to keep him out of trouble while in Griffinstone, or at least keep him from blowing it up.
"What are you looking at Twilight?" asked Pinkie Pie who had popped up in the seat in front of Twilight and was watching her watch the stallion.
Twilight was about to answer, but suddenly realized that she had basically been staring at a stallion's flank for at least a minute or two. "Nothing!" she said nervously.
Pinkie looked her in the eye with a rather intense expression for a moment, before she bounced away saying "Okie dokie lokie." Twilight sighed in relief.
When the train reached its destination the four ponies stepped off and walked towards the towering city as the day reached noon. They were stopped at the gate by a pokemon that was apparently acting as a city guard. It was a large quadruped with blue skin, a vaguely frog like appearance, and an enormous flower growing out of its back. It spoke to them with an accent similar to the ponies of the Coltic highlands.
"Stop where ye stand ye wee ponyta." it ordered them in a gravelly voice. "Speak yer purpose here in Griffinstone."
Twilight started to answer but was interrupted by Blueblood. The prince walked right by her and stomped a hoof down in front of the pokemon. "You are speaking to royalty, and shall address us as such you brute. Now step aside and let us through, that is a royal order."
The pokemon blinked, and then he grinned in amusement. "Aye ye be royals do ye? Then I guess ye will be wanting the royal treatment?"
"Well obviously." the unicorn stallion rolled his eyes.
The Venusaur guard walked into the throne room with the four ponies held in his vines. Pinkie Pie and Twilight were in the left vine while Bio Chem and an upside down Blueblood were in the right vine. The Venusaur walked on in right up to the center of the room and dropped them. Twilight, Bio Chem, and Blueblood all rubbed the sore spots from where they landed, while Pinkie Pie bounced a few times.
"And there ye have the royal treatment. Do let me know if ye need anything else." said the large Grass type.
Bio Chem leaned over and whispered to Twilight and pointed at Blueblood. "Do I have permission to blow him up your highness? They are sure to have some combustible chemicals around here somewhere."
"....hmm, maybe later." she told him. Twilight took a look around the throne room. Princess Celestia had told her that Griffinstone had been a...well a dump for quite some time ever since its great treasure was stolen from the last king. You couldn't tell by looking at the throne room, and right in the middle on a stump of wood was the treasure. "That explains it. The new king must have returned it, therefore returning the griffins of Griffinstone to their former glory, and then they named him king."
"That is correct."
The ponies looked to the new speaker as he entered. The Dragon was not very large compared to a fully grown dragon of Equus, but he strode in confidently with a calm and patient attitude, and he still stood well over the heads of the ponies. He was orange with a tan belly, wings with green insides that looked a little small for his size, and in his head was a small spike like horn with an antenna on either side.
He spoke politely with a simple voice that was not deep but strong, giving the impression that he was a dependable and brave person. "You're the first ponies we've seen other than a single thestral. I hope I'm not the first to properly welcome you Griffinstone."
"Unfortunately you are, though that is mostly because someone..." Twilight pointedly looked at Blueblood. "...was rude to the guard at the gate."
"Oh him, sorry about that. He's used to being in charge so he can be a little testy now. So what can I do for all of you?"
Twilight stepped forward and greeted him with a bow, fanning her wings out to the side as she did. "Your highness, I am Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria, and it is my pleasure to make your acquaintance and to congratulate you on your new position as the king of Griffinstone."
"Oh, I'm not the king." he told her with a smile. "I'm just a farmer. My name is Christopher, and it is my pleasure to meet you Princess Twilight Sparkle." He then bowed to her.
"Oh! My goodness that is embarrassing." Twilight said sheepishly. "Um, thank you. So is the king around here somewhere?"
"He'll be here in a minute or so. In the meantime you can introduce me to your friends." Christopher waved at the other three ponies.
"Of course." Twilight smiled and waved at each of her companions as she introduced them. "This is one of my best friends Pinkie Pie, my friend and old classmate Bio Chem, and Prince Blueblood."
Christopher felt a dull thus as Pinkie Pie collided with his chest and hugged him, somehow making it feel like she had wrapped her hooves all the way around him even though she hadn't. "It's so great to meet a new friend who just so happens to also be a farmer! My friend/possible cousin Applejack is an apple farmer, and I even grew up on a farm, but we farmed rocks not food, except for the special rocks that my sister Maud discovered which we make into rock candy, here have some." Pinkie reached into her mane and pulled out two pieces of rock candy, one red the other blue, and shoved them in his mouth.
Christopher had to wait for everything she had said to process in his mind before he could respond. When he was caught up he chewed up the candy with a lot of loud crunching and swallowed before speaking. "Nice flavor. Reminds me of my Ma's homemade candy. It's nice to meet you Pinkie Pie." He then hugged her.
"Wow...you're strong...too tight...too tight!" she said in gasping breaths, and when he let go her body had dents where his arms had been. Pinkie took a deep breath and blew it into her hoof to puff herself back up.
"Sorry about that." the Dragon said.
Bio Chem introduced himself next. "It is nice to meet you Christopher, but please don't hug me. I don't think I would fare as vell as Pinkie Pie."
"No problem." Christopher scratched his head as he smiled down at the stallion. "Do you have any questions? You look like the inquisitive type."
If Bio Chem had been a unicorn, or Pinkie Pie, he would have produced a notepad and a writing quill with no problem, but instead he fumbled as he tried to hold them in his front hooves while balancing on his hind legs. He decided after the third stumble to simply memorize the answers to his questions, and tossed the items away narrowly missing hitting Blueblood in the head.
"Mein Freund, I have many questions indeed." the stallion said to the Dragon. "To start with, what kind of pokemon are you exactly?"
Christopher finished answering another of Bio Chem's many questions. He was very patient with the science pony, and even elaborated on a few subjects that he had not actually asked about. As a result they were standing there for quite a few minutes with the other ponies just waiting. Twilight was okay with that as she got to learn about a species of pokemon that she had not seen before, Pinkie Pie kept getting bored and then finding little things to amuse herself like the paper airplanes she was currently throwing at Blueblood. The prince however had lost his patience with everyone.
"Oh for the love of Auntie Celestia!" Blueblood yelled. He took Bio Chem by the shoulders and shook him. "Stop asking so many questions! If you ask one more question so help me I'll introduce you to that Muk pokemon that hugged me!"
Christopher winced at that. Getting hugged by a Muk was probably the worst possible nonviolent thing that could happen to a royal.
"Ahem, right well as much as I would like to continue with the questions myself, Blueblood has a bit of a point." Twilight pointed out. "We aren't here to learn about you Christopher, no offense, but we are here to meet the king."
"Yeah, if this were a story that someone was writing we would have been here for like a whole chapter, well more like part of a chapter." Pinkie said to everyone causing them much confusion.
"Uh, okay then." Twilight decided to just accept it because it was Pinkie. "Will the king be out soon?"
"He should be. He just had a small civil matter to settle for a couple of griffins." Christopher assured them.
After he said that a big male griffin ran through the throne room yelling about a she-demon, and quickly ran out the main door. From where he had come there came the sound of hoof steps. A doorway to the left of the throne seemed to grow darker than the rest of the room as a bat pony stepped out of it. She had the usual slitted eyes of her kind colored orange, silvery hair that flowed freely for an elegantly chaotic mane and tail style, and her coat was the same midnight black as Nightmare Moon's.
"The king will see you now." she told the other ponies, her voice was a bit growly but still the voice of a young mare. When she trotted away from the door and moved across the room to stand beside the throne, the shadows moved with her. Using her wings she took out a notepad and a writing quill. "Who is visiting and what is there purpose?"
"Finally!" Blueblood exclaimed. "Do you have any idea how long we have been waiting out here? What was so important that your king wouldn't come to see visiting royalty?"
The bat pony mare just looked at him with an eyebrow raised. "I'm sorry. Now please state your name and purpose."
Twilight spoke up before Blueblood could. "I am Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria and this is Prince Blueblood of Equestria. We and our friends are here to welcome the new king of Griffinstone to Equus and to check out how much has changed."
The bat pony mare just looked at her with her eyebrow raised again before speaking. "Let me save you some time and trouble with your investigation Princess Twilight Sparkle. Griffinstone was left to its own devices for centuries, longer actually. Neither Equestria, which Griffinstone is supposed to be a part of, nor Griffinheim the ancestral home of the Griffin people ever gave any kind of assistance or aid when this place was at its loest. The King has, in one month mind you, done more for the folks here than anyone of you Canterlot nobles. The broken down library has been rebuilt and will eventually serve as a schoolhouse when there are enough children. The chasm that no-one can fly across now has tunnel bridges built across to let us walk to the other side without falling in. There is a bucking grove of trees growing nearby that will start providing fresh fruit next year, for free. So I'm sure you can go back to Princess Celestia and tell her that we are just fine with our king."
When Twilight didn't respond right away the bat pony waved a hoof in front of her face. "Uhh, are you okay?"
"B-broken down library... The books..." Twilight tilted slightly to her right side. She would have fell if a pink hoof had not stopped her.
"Now why did you go and do that for? She's broke." said Pinkie Pie as she propped up her friend.
After a few minutes, and a splash of water to the face, Twilight was better and ready to continue with the meeting. "I don't know what happened to me. I mean yeah a broken down library is a terrible thing, but it isn't bad enough to make my brain break."
"That was my fault." said the bat pony mare. The other ponies all looked at her in confusion so she elaborated. "My name is Scary Story, resident bat pony, though I prefer thestral, of Griffinstone. If you take a look at my cutie mark..." she pointed at her flank. "...you will see that it is a lit candle with the wax dripping down into the shape of a pony skull." They got a good look at her cutie mark, although Pinkie thought a different word than cute should be used, and shivered a little bit. "I was gifted with a talent in fear, and can do things like manipulate shadows and generate an aura of fear. That last one is what got to you when I mentioned the broken down library. ...you aren't going to break again are you?"
"Ah...no I'm good. Not breaking." Twilight said sheepishly and tapped her head to prove it. "So, getting back on track. Is the king ready to see us?"
Scary Story sighed. "I don't know. He just sent me out here to annoy you for a few minutes."
"You mean you have been keeping us here for the sake of your own amusement!" Blueblood yelled and stomped up to her. "If you think that I will stand for this insult you are wrong! Do you hear me you little wench? Now if it isn't your job to go find the king then go find whoever's job it is!"
"... Well you're right about one thing." Scary Story said in a much different voice than she had been talking with before. The now demonic sounding voice filled Prince Blueblood's ears. "I am not a messenger, and it is not my job to go find anything for you. I am a trusted member of His Royal Highness' personal guard."
As the thestral's fear magic touched the air the shadows around her began to come to life. Blueblood was smart enough to take a few steps back from her. "Meep..." he said.
The others in the room backed away from her as well, in a different direction from Blueblood. Twilight wanted to step in and prevent Celestia's nephew from being mauled or possibly killed but... Scary Story reached a wing behind her back and pulled out an ax. ...Twilight decided to stay out of it.
The thestral stalked towards Prince Blueblood. "Now what was that word you called me?" she asked while smiling widely. "I believe that it started with a W."
Christopher held a screaming Blueblood up and safely away from Scary Story. She of course could fly, but her intention was to frighten him to the point of mental scarring, not to actually hurt him. But the only one that knew that was Christopher so Blueblood had nearly wet himself, and the other three were not willing to risk it. Under any other circumstances Twilight and Pinkie Pie would at least try to help him, though they would never tell Rarity, but the fear aura that Scary Story was putting out kept them from doing anything.
This continued for another minute or two until Christopher finally snatched the ax away from her. The thestral pouted and trotted back over to the throne. The fear aura immediately vanished from the room, and the other ponies visibly relaxed.
"Well that was disappointing." said a man who was sitting on the throne. He was dressed in classic stereotypical king's attire including a purple robe embroidered with gold patterns, a big crown with a fuzzy white rim, and severa. rings on his fingers. He was currently pouting as he rested his head in his left palm as he leaned to the side. "I was hoping for a show."
The ponies all looked at this pasty pale white skinned bipedal creature that was apparently the king of Griffinstone.
"What kind of pokemon are you supposed to be?" Pinkie asked the question for them.
"Oh, this?" he asked, pointing at himself. "This is just because reasons. I'm currently in the form that I had for most of my life as a human. But this is what I look like now!" They all watched as he began to glow and his body changed shape and shrunk down. When it was over he said "I'm sexy and I know it."
Twilight normally did not pay attention to such things, but even she had to agree with the others' thoughts on his sexiness. It was nonexistent. The gelatinous pink blob that sat upon the throne of Griffinstone was definitely not what she would consider sexy.
"I can't believe it took this long for me to get out here!" he complained.
"I know right!?" Pinkie agreed with him. "Almost three chapters! And it's about how you became king of Griffinstone!"
"Yeah, talk about lazy writing." he replied.
"Hmmm, not really lazy, more like quick and easy." Pinkie corrected him.
"Wait...can you see it?" He asked, genuinely surprised to find out that she could in fact see it, but he had to be sure.
"You mean the fourth wall? Yep I sure can!" she said, smiling brightly.
"Are... Are you my soul mate?" asked the king.
Pinkie tilted her head in thought, first one way and then the other. Nopony had ever asked her that before. She had never thought about it before either. Did she have a soul mate? She did not know how to find out. She thought about it for a while and came to a conclusion. "Nah. I don't think so."
"Okie dokie then." the pink blob king said, apparently he had come to the same conclusion. "So what can I do for all of you ponies?"
Twilight, Bio Chem, and Blueblood all exhaled a sigh of relief. The thought that Pinkie Pie might possibly be this crazy king's soul mate was terrifying, and the powers that be apparently shared that opinion. There would be no Pinkie King ship setting sail from here.
"Well your majesty, we were sent by Princess Celestia to find out what the story is behind you becoming the king of Griffinstone." Twilight explained.
Before anything else could be said the Venusaur guard from before entered the room again and stood between them and the main door. He spoke, "Ah ye majesty will be wanting to know about this lot. They tried to force their way inta the city."
"Hey! You big fat liar!" Pinkie yelled at him.
THOOM!
The king had transformed himself into a gigantic one-eyed goat monster, and SLAMMED his now pony sized fist into the floor causing the throne room to quake. "You attack us in the disguise of peaceful dignitaries?!" he asked in the same voice as before...which sounded odd coming from a monster. "Explain yourselves!"
"Now-but-we..." Twilight really wished that this was a nightmare. She had been sent on a simple mission to greet a new royal and to investigate his quick rise to the throne, which took only a month, and now she was being accused of assaulting the city of Griffinstone. She was going to be arrested like a criminal, thrown in jail, possibly executed, or WORSE they might send a letter to Celestia who would be very disappointed in her!.
"What do ye wish be done with them?" asked the guard.
The king transformed into an old partially bald man who was hunched over in green robes. "Throw them..." he paused, causing them to sweat. "...a feast!"
As random as the king's decision to throw them a feast was it was much better than the alternative of being punished for a crime that they had not committed. Twilight, Pinkie, Bio Chem, and Blueblood were all led into the dining hall and seated on one end of a long table. On the other end of the table set the king, Scary Story, and Christopher. It was only noon and the food had yet to be cooked so the group had plenty of time to talk.
"So, you want to know how it all happened do you?" asked the king as he leaned back in his chair and propped his feet up on the table. He was shaped like had been when they had first seen him. "Where should I start?"
"How about you just introduce yourself first, and we can go from there." Twilight suggested. Sitting on her right side was Pinkie Pie who was frantically waving a hoof in the air.
"Yes pink one?" the king asked and pointed at her.
"Were you a human or a pokemon back on Earth, if you were a human were you a trainer, if you were a pokemon what did you do, where did you live, what did you do for a living, what's your favorite color, what's your favorite food, what's your name, and can we be friends?" Pinkie Pie asked him all in one breath.
"Uhh, what she said." Twilight said with a slightly sheepish smile.
The king thought about it for a moment and nodded his head. "Those are all perfectly good and random questions." he told them. "That I shall answer one at a time and completely out of order."
Twilight was fighting the urge to groan and smack her hoof into her face. Bio Chem chuckled to himself as he remembered that feeling from school where he had to constantly put up with the unicorns who thought that having a horn made you smarter. He found it quite funny to see somepony else in a similar situation. Twilight settled for sending a glare his way.
"Can you at least introduce yourself?" Twilight begged the king. "Calling you King all the time is a little uncomfortable for me because the last king I met tried to kill my friends."
The king stood up and bowed to her in a proper manner of one who is meeting with royalty for the first time. "Young Princess, Lady Pinkie Pie, good scientist Bio Chem...and Blueblood. I am Joker, comedian, mercenary, butt kicker, most awesome guy alive, breaker of the wall, and the pokemon king of Griffinstone."
“The answer is yes.” Joker told them as he waved a hand to get someone's attention.
The ponies all looked at each other in confusion, even Pinkie Pie. “The answer to what?” Twilight asked.
A female griffin fluttered in with a menu which she gave to Joker. “She asked if we could be friends, and the answer is yes. We'll have the southwestern appetizers.”
Pinkie Pie took out her party cannon, and blasted confetti and ribbons all over the room. She then got very very serious. “This calls for THE biggest party ever in the history of parties that take place in Griffinstone.”
“Already taken care of.” Joker leaned back in his king’s chair, and propped his feet up on the table again. “We've got welcome party planned for tomorrow.”
“You're throwing us a welcome party?” Blueblood asked with his eyes squinting in suspicion.
“Nah. Just a general welcome party.” Scary told them. “Welcome to Equus. Welcome to Griffinstone. You're welcome for saving the city that you live in.”
“You saved the kingdom?” Twilight asked.
“Yes, but that part of the story can wait.” Joker sat up, and rubbed his hands together as several griffin waitresses brought in serving trays loaded with various kinds of Mexican snack foods. Joker was drooling just a little. “Oh boy! Gordo really outdid himself this time!”
Being spread across the table were many baskets of tortilla chips, and bowls of guacamole, melted cheese, and salsa. Jalapenos stuffed with cheese were stacked high, and grilled vegetables were fresh as could be.
Each of the ponies’ sheepishly grinned as their stomachs growled.
“Ahem. We haven't ate since this morning.” Twilight said sheepishly.
“Well don't mind us, and dig in.” Joker said as he held up a plate. “I call this a chimicherry.”
“Oh, I love cherrychangas!” Pinkie Pie said, and popped up between him and Christopher. “Chimicherries are pretty good.” Joker put the plate down on the table. “Especially with whipped cream!”
Pinkie’s eyes unfocused, and she drooled a little. “Whipped cream~” she shook her head. “Uhh, are you going to eat that cherrychanga?”
“...Yes, I am going to eat this chimicherry.” He told her, and he pulled the plate slightly away from her.
Pinkie Pie’s eyes narrowed at him as she reached for the plate. “I would like some of your cherrychanga please.”
Scary Story rolled her eyes, picked up a knife in her mouth, and cut the pastry in two. “Better?” she asked after spitting out the knife.
“Yes!” they both said before swallowing their treats in one gulp.
“That hit the spot.” Joker leaned back in content. He then morphed into an air horn and let out a blast that nearly sent Pinkie flying across the room. After he was done, Joker changed back to his human form with the king's robes and big crown. “They should be here in a minute.”
Twilight took her hooves away from her ears. “Was that really necessary? And who will be here in a minute?” She was a little nervous about what might happen next.
Joker did not bother to answer, and just looked at the door. Soon enough a parade of pokemon came through the door, along with two familiar unicorn brothers.
“Hey! What are you two doing here?” Pinkie asked them.
“Well look here brother Flim, it appears to be somepony that we know.” Flam said to his twin with a brilliant smile.
“Yes indeed brother, and here is another it would seem so.” Flim said to his mustachioed sibling as he smiled at Twilight.
“Let's not be rude. We'll tell you about my brother, and me.” Flam told them as he gestured from Flim to himself.
“A good idea, but where to begin?. Flim tapped a hoof on his chin. “Why, the beginning is usually best you see.”
They both posed to start a song. “Weeee-
“No singing. It's against the law.” one of the griffin waitresses told them, and she pointed at a sign for emphasis.
“...Oh…” Flim and Flam settled back down, and took their seats since everyone else was at the table already.
Joker stood up and whistled. “Ok! Time for introductions. Everyone, these are the ponies, Twilight, Pinkie, Biochem, and Blueblood. Ponies, these are my friends and family.” Joker took an impossibly long breath, and introduced everyone. He cycled through the members of the Royal Flush mercenaries, which was a fairly long list for such a short introduction. “And these three are Jimmy Wobbuffet, Melissa the Deerling, Rai the crotchety old Raichu, and Harley the Cacturne. Well say hello already!”
They all spent a few moments greeting each other. Though, Blueblood got bored and decided to sample some of the food.
“Blech! What is this abominable food?” he shuttered at the taste.
The big, very big, blue pokemon that was practically all stomach glared at the unicorn beside him with his squinted eyes. “It's refried beans on a tortilla chip. Why? Do you not like my cooking, buro?”
“...Um?” Gordo saved Blueblood the trouble of answering by belching in his face. Blueblood fell over onto his back with his legs in the air, and one of his hooves twitched.
“Nice one!” Pinkie Pie cheered.
“All of my friends.” Joker got everyone's attention. “The Princess, Twilight Sparkle has come to Griffinstone to see its progress after my crowning. However I think it more wise to hear my story in full, as we have only been here for a little over a month. Since many of you are my friends from before who I have known for many years, and you still don't know my past, I have invited all of you here to hear it.”
“So like my momma used to say.” the pokemon king of Griffinstone raised a glass to all of his guests. “Life is like a box of poffins, you never know what you're going to get.”
“Copyright infringement!” Pinkie Pie yelled as her Pinkie sense acted up. Then she sat upright and glanced around suspiciously. “I get the feeling that I we're being watched.”
Deep underground beneath the Abysmal Abyss, in a cave unknown to the griffins above a sinister being gazes upon the gathering with red eyes. If not for his eyes, and his sharp teeth he could walk the land above without notice. He sneers when he sees Pinkie Pie notice his spying.
“Hmm. It seems that the pink pony has the sense. I haven't met one with that power since...that white pegasus. No matter, she can only sense what is happening, and if nothing is happening then she senses nothing.” the speaker turned his horned head away from the crystal that showed him the vision, and the ringing of bells sounded from his movements. His cloven hooves clicked on the stone floor of the deep cavern that was his lair, and he addressed his minions without bothering to look at them. “Have the workers sleep until I say to awaken them.”
Arimaspi grunted and did as he was told. The cyclopic goat monster grasped the mystic talisman that hung from his neck, and waved his free hand at the thralls that his master uses in place of living slaves. Sleep.
The undead ponies, griffins, diamond dogs, and even a few undead arimaspi all stopped what they were doing to obey. They all lay down simultaneously, and spoke three words.
“Now it's a little hard for me to remember everything because, you know, crazy. But I can remember enough to give you a good look at who I am. Be warned though, I didn't start out crazy, so at some point this will become a very sad story.” the man told all of those present before he sat down.
A few seats down from Christopher a pokemon that looked like an orange lizard with loose partially shed skin hanging from his shoulders and waist, and a mohawk of red scales on his head chuckled. He propped his arms behind his head, and looked up at Joker. “Another origin story, Joker? Which one will it be zis time, eh? Abducted by aliens, or cloned from a ninja?”
The king threw his arms wide, and smiled widely. “What can I say, Roi? If I have to have an origin, I want it to be multiple choice!” at this, Roi and the rest of the Royal Flush mercenaries shared a laugh for the old joke. “But this is how it really happened.”
“Hehe, sure it's, Joker. Sure it is.” Roi waved him off at first, but then he saw that his friend was not smiling. “Wait...you're actually going to tell us.” It was not a question, but a spoken fact. Roi knew when the man was joking, and when he was not.
“I feel as if ve are missing something.” Biochem rubbed his chin. “Could someone perhaps fill us in.”
“Joker enjoys telling a different version of his past every time someone asks about it.” Roi explained to the ponies. “But now...I think we will hear the real thing.”
Joker smiled again, but it was not his usual madman’s smile. It was the smile of a man who finally knew it was ok. “This is my story, and it all started when I ran away to join the circus.”
A collective smack filled the dining hall as everyone applied a hand, hoof, paw, wing, or other appendage to their faces.
“What?” Joker looked at them in confusion. When nobody responded he eventually shrugged and moved on. “I don't think you need to hear every detail about my life...or want to…
“Most kids go to the local Professor after their tenth birthday to get their pokedex and trainer's license so they can begin the journey of discovery that is the life of a pokemon trainer. I on the other hand, did not have a desire to be a professional trainer, so after my tenth birthday I ran away to join the circus.” Joker explained, mostly for the ponies who may not know how things worked on Earth. “Lucky for me there actually was a circus in town that day, but it was packed up to leave, so I hid in one of their train cars and travelled with them to the next town. And it was on that train that I met my first pokemon friend.”
The air in the dining hall became very wavy, signaling a flashback.
A young boy of ten sat alone in a dark train car as it rumbled along the tracks towards its next destination. He had no money, no spare clothes, and no idea where he was going. But he was on his way, somewhere, to join the circus. He could not wait to be a clown.
His stomach growled.
“Food?” He got up and stumbled around in the dark, trying to find a light to turn on.
Click.
“Well that's lucky.” He was in the snack car, surrounded by popcorn, cotton candy, peanuts, and hotdogs. Not having any way to cook anything, he opened a bag of peanuts and set out some hotdogs for later.
After a few minutes he heard something that was not his stomach growling. He grabbed a stick of cotton candy as a weapon and advanced through the train car in search of the sound. He found it; a small pokemon was chewing at the hotdogs he had set out, but the plastic wrapper kept getting stuck in its teeth.
“Meowth! Meowth meowth meowth.” It was a cream colored cat with patches of brown on its ears, hind paws, and the curled end of its tail. It had whiskers growing from around where it should have had a nose (two on either side and two above its eyes), and a gold medallion rested on its forehead. It was a Meowth.
“Here, let me help.” the boy reached for the food when he saw the cat pokemon spit out some plastic.
“Meowth!” the feline complained about the human taking its food.
“Here ya go!” he pulled out a hotdog and gave it to the pokemon.
“Meowth?” the cat took it and ate it, and smiled at the human. “Meowth!”
“You're welcome.”
The boy remembered his cotton candy and decided to take a bite that was a little too big. He started to cough as a lot of the sugar went down the wrong way.
“Meowth?!” The pokemon rammed into him with a Tackle, knocking him to the floor and making him successfully cough up the junk food.
“...ow…”
“Meowth?” The cat lightly slapped a paw on his face. “Meowth?”
“I'm ok.” He blinked at the pokemon sitting on his chest, and suddenly hugged it. “You saved my life! Thank you!”
“WHAT THE HELL!?”
They looked around to see a man in a red dress coat and a big top hat, with a large mustache, and a rather angry frown. They were not able to see him for long before he threw them off the train. They both rolled down a hill, tumbling head over heels the whole way down, and only stopped when they splashed into a creek.
“Turned out we were there for a few hours and the ringmaster didn't appreciate us eating a bunch of the food for free.” Joker clarified for everyone. “So he threw us off the train. Perfectly logical.”
Twilight Sparkle balked at him. “Two questions. First; WHAT JUST HAPPENED!? Second; He threw you off of a moving train!?”
“I have four Psychic types sitting...floating right there.” he pointed to the beheeyem, starmie, solrock, and lunatone. “Between the four of them there's enough Psychic power here to make you actually remember that you were there without it seeming like the normal illusions of a Psychic pokemon. Seamlessly.”
Roi whispered to one of his teammates, a large black crocodile pokemon. “I was wondering why he kept those nerds around.”
“They can just do that vhenever they vant?” Biochem asked.
“Well...no.”
Several of the other pokemon and ponies around the table visibly relaxed.
“They have to be in a trance state that lets their minds work in perfect sync.”
The air got wavy again.
“Oh, another flashback.” Pinkie Pie announced. “I've got popcorn!”
Me and my friend, Coin, I called her, were on our own for quite a few years. Just a boy and his pokemon, all on their own. At first it has been pretty difficult to survive comfortably, but we eventually got the hang of it. She would act cute and distract people, and I would take their stuff. By the time someone had figured out what had happened, we were already gone.
You're probably thinking that we stole only because we needed to. Or that we only took from those who had too much. Well, I hate to disappoint, but we were greedy and indiscriminate about who we targeted. We were jerks.
A boy, clearly in his teens, walked casually along the sidewalk. His eyes drifted from person to person as they shopped at various stores. The pokemon on his shoulder, a Meowth, followed his gaze and waited for the prey to show them some reward.
An older woman had just slipped a wallet into her handbag. A jogger took his headphones off and hung them on the small radio on his belt. Some rich looking man with too many rings on his fingers.
They took it all.
“Meowth!” the boy looked to where his friend was staring.
A girl, close to his age, was looking at some expensive necklaces, even though, she already wore one. It was not his usual style to steal from people just to do it, he always sold what he took, but it was always fun. He made his way through the lightly crowded street market so that the Meowth would have an opening.
The girl shrieked as something was suddenly clamped onto her head.
“I'm so sorry about that.” the boy said to her. “She's really friendly.”
The girl looked into the eyes of the Meowth on her head as it leaned down to look at her. “Uh...can you get her off?”
“Yeah sure.” the boy reached for the feline.After a bit more scrambling on the girl's head, the Meowth surrendered to the boy. “Bye!” the said, grinning like a Sableye, before dashing off.
“Uh...bye.” she waved...and felt the absence of something on her neck.
The boy held up his hand to check out the silver necklace he had taken from the girl. “Jackpot!”
“HEY!” a voice from behind called out.
The boy and the Meowth both looked back to see what the yelling was about. The girl was trying to run them down. With fire in her eyes.
“GIVE BACK MY MOTHER'S NECKLACE!!”
He started running. “Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap!”
“COME BACK HERE YOU!!!” And she was fast too...
“I really wish you could do Pay Day, or Shadow Ball, or SOMETHING THAT WOULD BE USEFUL RIGHT NOW!” he yelled to his companion. But with a complete lack of training she was limited to very basic attacks like Scratch.
He thanked his luck as he saw a man up ahead pushing a cart of vegetables for sale. After running past the man he spun around and gave the cart a kick, sending it rolling towards the girl.
“My cabbages!”
However, instead of slowing her down like it would most people, the girl actually used the cart as a springboard, and with that jump, actually covered MORE ground than her running somehow. “You’re not getting away!” she growled.
“RUNNING FASTER NOW!” he pumped his legs as fast as he could out of fear, with a Meowth clinging to his skull with it's front paws while it's body flapped out behind him.
He took several random turns through the town in an effort to lose her, at one point making a full circle around the Pokecenter. He displayed some impressive acrobatic skills by leaping over fences and other obstacles. But eventually he had tired himself out, and now he was leaning against the back wall of some building trying to catch his breath.
“Finally...lost...her...yay…” he puffed slowly.
“Oh really now?” came a chillingly familiar voice...from right next to him.
“EEEEK!!” he jumped sideways...and belly flopped on the ground. He didn't move but he groaned in pain.
The girl was about to reach down, and definitely not cause him physical pain, not too much, and take back the necklace. But the Meowth was on his back before she could, and it hissed angrily at her. They stayed like that, staring at each other, for a minute. And in that minute the girl was able to get a better look at him; old dirty clothes that hung off of his too skinny body.
His stomach growled loudly.
All that basically told her one thing. “Oh dear…” she gasped.
Having come to the obvious conclusion that he was starving and homeless, she decided to take care of him. Their first stop was the Mauville City food court; a fine place to eat if you could keep your seat.
“Thank you.” she told the cashier after she paid for the food, and then went back to sit with the boy. She thought he might be older than her by a few years, it was hard to tell exactly because his features were young in appearance, but he was a good bit taller than her, and being so thin threw off his appearance a lot.
He was currently sitting with his head and shoulders slumped over the table. His hair was tangled and wild. His shirt looked to be too small for him, and only fit because it hung loosely off of his skinny body. The Meowth was in much better shape; he took care of her, even at the expense of his own health.
Consequently, the girl currently felt like crud for chasing him that much. “Hey, you still okay?” she asked.
He raised an arm and gave a thumbs up. “Just peachy, babe.”
“I'm not your babe.” she told him and crossed her arms. “I'm just feeding you because I feel bad for you.”
“But you are someone's babe, or else you want to be.” he countered, and looked up at her. “I can tell because you said you are not MY babe.”
“Incorrect. I’m not anyone’s ‘babe’, neither do I have any interest of being anyone’s ‘babe’ at the moment,” she sighed in mild annoyance. “...so, you got a name? I can’t keep calling you ‘you’ all the time.”
He blinked as he realized that they had in fact not introduced themselves. “Well, my name is-
“Hey!” a street thug slammed his hands down on their table. “Give me your seat.”
“Um..why?” the boy asked.
The street thug, a full grown man, pointed at the number on their table. “I'm hungry, and your food is almost ready.”
“But, I'm starving...literally…” the boy told him, and the Meowth hissed in agreement with his pout.
“So?”
“Are you serious?” the girl deadpanned in the street thug’s face. “Are you seriously trying to steal food from a starving person!?!” if looks could kill, he’d have keeled over and died.
“If I don't eat, then I'll be the one that's starving.” he mocked her with obviously false worry. Then he grinned. “But I'll tell you what; we can battle for it.”
The girl’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “Very well,” she said in a low and dangerous tone, and anyone listening was wondering why the room suddenly felt...colder.
“Do I get a vote?” the boy asked.
“The finale! Hyper Beam, 45°!” she said to her Pokemon, a Liepard smirked and complied. The purple, panther-like pokemon fired an energy beam from its mouth.
“Lickilicky, dodge it!” the street thug ordered his pokemon. But the pokemon was too exhausted from its battle, and the attack struck perfectly. The man groaned and returned his pokemon to its pokeball. “Two Lickilickies and a Lilligant beat by a single Liepard...how?”
“Who knows. Maybe I’m that good...or maybe you’re just that bad. Oh and between you and me, my money’s on door number 2,” she chuckled.
“Oooh,” some of the spectators said in response to that burn.
“Good job, Shade.” the girl told her partner as she turned back their table.
The boy was cheering exaggeratedly at the, in his own words, stupendarvelous performance. The Meowth was doing an adorable victory dance on the table. Then they both stopped and the boy pointed nervously behind the girl, at where she had been battling the street thug.
She turned around. “Oh, come on! Seriously?!” she yelled as several more thugs were waiting for their turn.
“There, that’s all of them,” she sighed as she plopped herself down on the table, the food having already come in the middle of the fight. She sighed again, her hand petting Shade on her head, while on her shoulders, a pair of Spinarak sat. “Hope you’re enjoying your meal.”
BAARRRRRRRRRP
The girl and her pokemon snapped to attention, and looked at the boy and the meowth...and the six bowls of ramen they had eaten. They were not exactly small bowls. He was slumped over in his seat, his partner lay across the table, both of them with greatly satisfied expressions on their faces and obviously full stomachs.
The Liepard’s jaw dropped, and then it mumbled something not understood by the humans.
The girl noticed a single bowl of ramen leftover, with a note next to it. She picked up the note...and then smiled. She gave the last bowl to her Liepard, just like the note had asked her to.
The Liepard blinked, a little surprised at gesture, but smiled and accepted it all the same. Of course, she said something first, which ended with her sharing the bowl with the two Spinarak.
“Eat up you three, you deserved it,” the girl chuckled.
“So, what are you planning on doing now?” She asked once the bowls had all been taken away.
“First thing's first.” he told her, and pulled out all the stuff he had stolen. “I fence this junk for some moola!”
“Something a bit more long term,” she sighed. She honestly wanted to tell him off on what he was doing but...she’d just a hypocrite if she did. “Is that really how you want to spend your life? Stealing from random people just to get by day by day?”
“If this were a few years ago, I'd say that I wanted to join the circus.” he shrugged. “Honestly, me and Coin are just coasting along right now. I'd like to be something better, but it's not like I can just suddenly be the next Phantom Thief Fox.”
“Of course, I don’t think just anyone can be a Fox,” she nodded, though she had a large sweat drop at the back of her head. “But if you do plan on doing something...less than legal, just watch your back. Also...if you can help it, don’t lose your heart. This might be just me, but I think just cause someone isn’t quite on the RIGHT side of the law, doesn’t mean they’re automatically evil. They can still have morals and standards. If you really have to do something like that, don’t lose sight of your morals and/or your standards. In short, don’t lose your heart,” she advised.
King Joker sat at the table, transformed into his younger self, and raised a glass. “And I have done my best to be a good person ever since. Thanks for the advice and the kindness you random girl whose name I can't remember. Even after I lost my mind, I still tried my hardest to keep my heart.”
A groaning could be heard from the floor as Blueblood finally woke up. “What happened? The last thing I remember was an ungodly stench.”
“Wow, Gordo.” Joker said as he Pinkie Pie and Scary Story all held up score cards, his and Pinkie’s both had perfect tens while Scary’s had a six. “You knocked him out for two chapters.”
“Like I said; nice one!” Pinkie Pie cheered.
“I've heard better.” Scary said halfheartedly.
Blueblood shivered in disgust. “I think I'll move to another seat.”
“Ahem.”
Blueblood looked to see a purple leopard looking pokemon wearing a lavender beret beckoning him to a seat beside her across the table. Given that his options were currently stay next to the obese slob that belched in his face or the feline who was at least making an effort to look civilized…
“My name is As monsieur Blueblood, and it is my pleasure to meet a Prince.” she purred as he joined her, and there was quite a bit of emphasis on the word ‘pleasure’.
“...Charmed, I'm sure.” Blueblood said without looking at her.
“Maybe, just may~be~” she grinned at him rather predatorily.
Biochem leaned in close to Twilight and whispered. “Should ve be vorried about him?”
The sun was high over Canterlot as the Friendship Express pulled into the train station. Ponies were going to and fro, busy with their daily lives, and pokemon, too, were strolling about. It was a bright and normal day, normal considering the arrival of an entire planet's worth of creatures from another universe a few short months before.
A few ponies stepped out of a private train car and received a few stares from those who recognized them. The brown earth pony was overlooked, but he could hardly care as he rushed off after saying farewell to the others so he could get back to his research. Prince Blueblood tried his best to look good for the ponies, he straightened out his mane, adjusted the tie on his suit and wore a smile fitting for one of nobility, but aptly avoided any contact with the pokemon. The pink mare looked….calm and relaxed, which was unusual for her. And finally, the lavender alicorn, Princess Twilight Sparkle, had bags under her eyes and was shielding her face from the sun with a wing.
“That was one heck of a party.” Pinkie nodded in approval. “I passed out as soon as we got on the train and slept the whole way here.”
Twilight groaned and sheltered her face under her wing some more. “Pinkie, please don't start being loud. My brain feels like I stayed up for a week trying to understand your Pinkie Sense….”
“It's your own fault.” Prince Blueblood snorted disdainfully “Drinking that much alcohol in view of the public, and don't blame it on the punch being spiked. Disgraceful behavior for a royal.”
“Wha- You're one to talk!” Twilight regretted shouting as it made her head throb. “Who was it that had to be hunted down to catch the train because he was too busy fooling around with that Liepard with the Prench accent?”
Blueblood faltered in his trotting and sputtered “Tha-Tha-That never happened! No such thing happened! And besides,” he turned toward Twilight and jabbed his hoof into her face accusingly “You haven't got any room to judge yourself. Or did you get so drunk that you forgot about shoving your tongue down Bio Chem’s throat like a harlot?”
Twilight's eyes crossed as she looked at his hoof almost touching her nose. Her gaze traveled up his foreleg and then settled on his face, her eyes locked onto his like a hawk's on a mouse. Blueblood took a moment to consider that he had just insulted a fellow royal, Celestia's favorite pupil, and the mare who could transmutate him into any number of horrible things.
He quickly withdrew his hoof from her face. “Ah, haha! My apologies, Princess! Uh, we should be getting to the NO WAIT DON'T TURN ME INTO A TOAD!” Blueblood covered his face in a pathetic defense against whatever spell Twilight was casting over him.
Her magic passed harmlessly over him. “Come along, Pinkie. We should go find Celestia now.” and she seemed a little too pleased with herself “We’ll leave the Prince here, he's about to get quite popular.”
Blueblood watched them go, thanking fate that the mare hadn't cursed him as he had feared. Deciding it was best to avoid her for the time, he turned to go the other way. “Perhaps a nice stroll will do me some g-”
“You're Prince Blueblood!” a random mare exclaimed as she invaded his personal space.
“Ah! Ah...yes, I am-”
“He's so handsome!” another mare said.
“Thank you, I really need to be going now-”
“He's so dreamy!” a stallion yelled out.
“Ah! Stay away from me!” this was really beginning to freak him out.
“I really like his mane!”
And with that began Prince Blueblood’s race around Canterlot, from a mob of obsessed admirers.
Princess Celestia couldn’t help but laugh as she read Twilight’s report on her recent trip to Griffinstone.
“I’m glad you are enjoying yourself sister, because this,” Luna gestured to the stack of paper that made up Bio Chem’s report. “Is torturous.”
“He is very thorough,” Celestia admitted. “But on the bright side, we now know just who and what we’re dealing with.”
“I’m still confused just what Griffinstone is at this point,” Luna admitted.
“They’re a City-State,” Celestia explained. “Now they just have a formal ruler... albeit an odd one.”
Luna grumbled to herself. “So, have you gotten to the part where Princess Twilight mad out with Bio Chem?”
Celestia nodded, a smirk on her face. “It’s so nice to see her loosen up a bit, and it’s good for him to interact with other ponies.”
“Should I send a message to Cadence?” Luna asked, wearing a smirk of her own. “I’m sure she’d be interested in her sister-in-law's first real relationship.”
“Let’s wait for them to have their first actual date before we tell Cadence anything,” Celestia replied with a laugh. “We don’t want her getting overexcited and messing this up before it starts.”
Lune chuckled and returned to the report. “... do you think we’re too excited about meddling in Twilight’s love life?”
“Nonsense Luna, we’re not meddling, we’re simply... encouraging.”
A little later in the day, Celestia was looking over some recent reports, specifically on how the Pokemon integration was going.
“Las Pegasus is getting better, I’ll need to send someone to check on Trottingham-”
There was a knock at the window. “Hi Princess!” Came the muffled call of a familiar delivery mare.
“Hello Derpy,” she greeted, opening the window with her magic. “Please, come in.” Celestia was fairly friendly with the mare, though their original meeting had been... less than normal.
“Thanks, I can’t stay long,” Derpy replied, rifling through her mail bag. “Just came to deliver a letter... well, more like an envelope.” She pulled out a large manila envelope. “Whatever’s in there, it’s pretty full.”
“Indeed it is,” Celestia said, floating the envelope over to her and examining the address.
There wasn’t one.
“Hm, curious,” she cast a few examination spells on it and found it to be full of... some kind of clay. “Doesn’t seem harmful.” Using her magic, she split the top open with magic.
Only for the clay to jump out at her. “GREETINGS FROM GRIFFINSTONE, PRINCESS CELESTIA!” the clay yelled as it partially took the form of what she recognized as a human, human from the waist up with just the contents of the envelope below that. “Allow me to introduce myself; King Joker of Griffinstone! Now I understand that it is customary to give a lady a kiss when first meeting her, so…” and with that, he grabbed her head gently and…..laid a long sensual kiss on her lips, and not one used for greeting a lady.
It was at this point that the throne room doors opened and Luna walked in. “Sister, Aegislash has been harassing the petitioners again and-” she stopped when she saw the site before her.
What looked like a half-human, half... slug, was making out with her sister... and Derpy was here for some reason. “Is this a bad time?” She asked.
Celestia responded by flinging Joker against the wall, creating a very purple splatter pattern. “No! He just... I wasn’t...” she cleared her throat. “Luna, this is King Joker... from Griffinstone.”
Luna mouthed ‘Ooooh’ as she realized what was going on.
Joker reformed an instant later, a burst of small fireworks announced him, and stepped forward. “Celestia, that kiss has ruined all other mares for me. None could possibly compare!” then he noticed Luna “Unleeeessss?” and wiggled his eyebrows.
“No,” Luna deadpanned, her horn lighting up, preparing to cast either a shield or a laser spell.
“Fine. I do still have to talk to Empress Victoria at some point.” at this, he transformed into a handsome, though, gaudy male Griffon, with a canary yellow body and a green head. “B T Dubs, give Derpy a tip for the express delivery.”
“Aww, you don’t have to do that,” Derpy insisted sheepishly.
“Nonsense!” Luna protested, taking the Pegasus under her wing. “You delivered a king today. You deserve compensation.”
“We’ll see to it,” Celestia said with a smile. “Besides, it’s your turn to host us for tea this month.”
Derpy blushed, but giggled and nodded.
“Alllllrighty, then! I'll get right to the point, Tia and Lulu.” Joker said to them. “Can I call you Tia and Lulu?”
“No,” they both said together. They were getting an uncomfortably Discord-like vibe from this Joker.
He simply shrugged. “Just remember not to call me “Mistah Jay”, it's copyrighted.”
“Anyway, we have a little to discuss.” Joker cleared his throat. “First,” his neck stretched out till he was face to face with Celestia from halfway across the throne room, “Why does it seem that no aid was given to Griffinstone by Equestria for the more than a few hundred years that it was a dump?”
The Princesses looked at each other and sighed. “Griffinstone is a city-state, which means it’s largely self governing,” Celestia explained.
“When the idol was lost and the governing forces collapsed... there really was no one agency or ruling power to give aid through,” Luna continued.
“And the Griffin’s belief in their own greed made them... greedy,” Celestia said with a sigh. “The few good will missions that have gone there have universally reported back as said that their supplies were depleted within the first week.” She shook her head. “Recently my sister suggested we just annex the territory, no one else has claim on it, but the Griffins of that city have refused to work with others.”
“Fair enough.” Joker said, from his new position on top of Celestia's throne, where he was attempting to reach into her mane. “I actually don't know a single thing about politics but as the king I felt it was my job to ask. How do you make your hair keep moving like this, or, is it even hair? OMG is it a magic wig?”
“It’s not important,” Celestia said, floating him so he was in front of her.
“Sorry. I lose focus easily.” he apologized before moving on. “Second on the list, is why I was made king. I'm sure you are curious.”
“Did you manage to retrieve the idol?” Celestia asked. “I thought about getting it myself at one point, but I wasn’t sure how the Griffins would react.”
“I did do that.” he confirmed. “As well as have my pokemon companions build a permanent and safe bridge to let people walk across the Abysmal Abyss without fear of falling in, rebuild the library and eventually set it up as the new schoolhouse, start a magically enhanced pokemon grown orchard of apple trees that will be full grown and ready to give fruit next year, and...eradicate a smallish horde of zombified ponies, griffins, and other assorted creatures that was just in the bottom of the Abysmal Abyss for some reason.”
“... huh,” Luna said. “Sounds interesting.”
“So all that, plus bringing back the Idol….me king now.” he put a crown on his head after pulling it out from under his wing.
Joker continued on his list, “And finally, I'd like to sign an official peace treaty with Equestria.” he shrugged “Just hope I'm not going to have to sign one of those super long forms of paperwork that stretch to the ceiling.”
Celestia blinked, this Joker did not mess around. “Alright, well normally a Peace Treaty takes time to draw up, all the minuta have to be covered and what not.”
“So….a day?” Joker asked innocently,honestly not having a clue.
Celestia sighed. “Yes, if you are willing to wait, I can have something drawn up by tomorrow.” Looks like she wasn’t getting much sleep tonight.
“Excellent! So who am I bunking with?” he asked happily. “Because I made no arrangements or plans for staying the night, but here I am.” he smiled, similarly to Pinkie Pie.
“We’ll prepare a room,” Luna said.
“Sleepover! Girl's night sleepover for royalty only!” Joker exclaimed as he took the form of a unicorn mare. “I'm anatomically correct, just so you know.”
“... we’ll prepare your own room,” Luna repeated.
“Aww, ok-” Joker returned to his Griffon form. “By the way, is it Griffin, Griffon, Gryphon, or Gryffon?”
“You just said the same word four times in a row,” Celestia said, raising an eyebrow. “If you want to know the spelling you’d have to write it down.”
“Yeah, but the readers can still see it,” he pointed out the obvious. “And so can the writers. Duh.”
“I... what?” Luna responded, confused. “The... I’m going to go, Derpy, with me!”
“Okay, Luna,” Derpy replied, following after the Princess of the Night. “Bye, Mister Joker!”
“Bye, Muffin Mare!” Joker waved to her. He turned to Celestia and said simply, “I'm like Pinkie Pie.” as an explanation to the randomness.
“Well to be fair I don’t know what her... thing is, either,” Celestia shrugged. “So...”
“Side question,” his face screwed up a little, “When I change, I can literally shift between male and female, so; do I go by King or Queen?”
“I suppose that’s up to you,” she replied.
“Most people I know regret leaving me in charge of decisions.” he pointed out, “But I'll go with king, and say that anyone, gender regardless, who sits on the throne of Griffinstone takes the same title. Bonus being that it removes any gender stereotypes.”
“Yes well,” she cleared her throat again. “I have some reports to go over, so if you’d like I could have some guards show you around?”
“Yeah sure,” he agreed, “Maybe I'll find a friend of similar likes to me. Do you know anyone who enjoys playing completely unnecessary pranks in funny but impolite ways and possibly has several personality disorders?”
“Can’t say I do,” Celestia lied. Discord was bad enough now that he had Pinkie and Hoopa to mess around with.
“Eh, whatever. I'll just go play the tourist while I'm free.” Joker accepted the simple plan. He then took one of Celestia's forehooves in his Griffon claws and gave it a like peck on the golden horseshoe. “Good day, m’lady.”
With that, he simply walked out of the throne room.
And Celestia let out a deep sigh. “It’s like if Discord was ruler of something,” she shook her head before teleporting a quill and parchment to her. “Alright, now to start a new Peace Treaty...”
“Oh, and by the way.” Joker sang out as he popped back in through the door. “I have the power of cute.”
Celestia sighed again. “What does that even mean?”
“It means this.” he promptly transformed himself into….a small, fluffy, white as fresh snow, kitten, with a big blue ribbon on its head, and the biggest and most adorable blue eyes that could fit on a tiny kitty.
And then he gave an equally tiny and adorable “Meow.”
Celestia had to admit, he did look cute now. “Alright, that is pretty cute.”
“And nothing can resist cute for forever!” He yelled in the cute kitty voice. He then marched out of the room, still as the kitten, like and army general. “Kneel to cuteness!”
The guards caught themselves and returned to their normal position before they could fully bow, looks of embarrassment crossed their faces.
Celestia facehooved and groaned before turning back to the parchment. “This is going to be a trial.”
Surrounded by night's gloom, a young boy climbed the front steps of a house. Inside he went, and walked to the living room, and he waited for a moment. Just a moment, before he reached for something on the table.
Fire sprang from the cigarette lighter. It caught the walls and the floor, it spread like a hungry thing that had been without sustenance. The boy ran.
“Momma! Daddy!” yelled the boy. But he had no voice.
Up the stairs he saw them, mother, father. Still as statues, eyes closed, sleeping. He watched as the fire claimed them. They burned and melted into naught but flame.
The flames glew gold, and took shape. Round and smooth and flat, a coin. The coin flipped into the air, spinning end over end, one side reflecting the fire, the other side showing a man with a surgeon’s scalpel.
As the coin fell, flipping over again and again, the images shifted. The fire growing closer, with the boy’s parents burning behind him as he watched. The man lowering the scalpel ever closer.
Luna slowed the dream to a crawl as she tried to piece it together. She’d been stretched thin these past few months, and it was starting to get harder to personally intervene in every nightmare that caught her attention.
And yet...
“Very well,” she blasted the ‘surgeon’ across the room, dispersing the apparition into the aether, then quelled the flames in the house and removed the images of the child’s parents. “Tis alright young one,” Luna said, appearing before the child.
She found it interesting, some of the humans had adapted their new bodies into the dream selves, their subconscious, rather quickly. Gene, Abby, Seth, yet some, perhaps the majority, still dreamt in their human body. Just an interesting thing she had noted.
“I am Princess Luna, and these nightmares shall bother you no more this night.”
Turning his gaze on her, the boy had a look of wonder in his eyes. He raised his hands before him and made some quick patterned movements, as if attempting to cast a spell or use some silent signal.
“I... do not understand,” Luna said. “What is... what are you doing?”
The boy blinked, looked at his hands then at her, as if realizing that she would of course not know his sign language, and slapped a palm to his forehead. He held up one finger and motioned for her to wait.
After a short moment, the boy’s form began to melt, shifting and sliding, and growing, before settling into the form of an adult man. His age slightly indeterminate, his features obscure and bland, as if he could not decide what he should look like. “Sorry, my inner child doesn't talk.” his voice, however, was very familiar.
“Oh dear Harmony,” Luna facehooved. “It’s you…” she looked around again. She’d expected something like Discord’s chaotic, demented dreams, or at least the nonsense that was Pinkie Pie’s subconscious. “So... might I hazard this event is part of the reason you’re so... unique?”
He laughed, ironically amused. “The same recurring night terror for over two decades? Yes, I'd say that's part of it…”
Luna ‘hmm’ed’ at that. “Well... glad I could be of service, but I must be going,” Luna didn’t like spending time in more... disturbed minds, it never ended well for her.
“No therapy for me? Fine, I'll just sit here and wait for it to come back, probably dwell on how I only started speaking after what I did so I could tell myself jokes in an attempt to not feel bad about it.” He lay down and curled his knees up into his chest, and obvious attempt to guilt her into staying. “Not like I feel depression when I'm awake, nope, I'm all smiles and laughter out there….”
“... Harmony this is Discord all over again,” Luna sat down across from him. “Fine, what do you want to discuss?”
He sat and looked at her, his face not a hint of laughter on it, “I played with fire, and my parents got burned instead of me. I don't even know what their names were, it was so long ago…. I'm a jerk, I know, it's on purpose mostly, but...I just can't talk about this in the real world.”
“... how much of how you act is a charade?” Luna asked, she felt like this was a totally different person from the one she’d met earlier today. “How much armor do you wear?”
“Back on Earth I ran a mercenary guild, they were with me for years before coming here, closest thing I have to family now. I love them, but not one of all sixteen know about this.” He thought a moment, “As for how much armor I wear,” he pulled a tasseled rope that wasn't there before, and a dozen different suits of armor fell in a heap to his left. “...I'd say about half, i do genuinely like some comedy!” his smile, though small, was genuine.
Luna wasn’t sure what to say, again, this was like Discord, hurt but hidden behind comedy. “Joker...” She began. “I’m not a therapist, I help ponies get over their fears, deal with day to day problems that seep into their dreams, insecurities... You clearly have some deep seated psychological issues, and I would really suggest a professional... that being said, you shouldn’t blame yourself for what happened as a child, you didn’t know. And I suppose their are worse coping mechanisms than humor.”
“True, all too true. But emotions rarely bow down to logic, as you know first hoof I hear.” He winked, “The bad ass night goddess look is pretty hot, in my opinion.”
He continued past her confused and embarrassed look, “As for fears an such that bug us on a day-to-day basis…” an image of the surgeon from his nightmare appeared, and Joker's face became much clearer to see, beneath the humor and despair was unrepentant rage. “Dr. Rupert Nurem…”
Luna made a sound of disgust. “Him again? Is there anyone that bastard didn’t violate?”
“God?” Joker suggested.
“I’d be surprised if there wasn’t at least an ancestral connection,” Luna said under her breath.
“Well….there is that one alternate universe.”
“What?” Luna asked.
“Hmm?” Joker needed a moment to understand her question. “Oh, I can see past the wall of reality, like Pinkie Pie!”
“... riiight,” Luna had no idea what that meant, but it probably meant she should leave before something crept into her brain.
“Just ask her about ‘The wall’ sometime.” then he thought about it, “Or don't. It's one of those ‘you can't unsee it’ things.”
“... I should probably go,” Luna said. “Lot’s of dreams to get to...”
“Yeah, you're a busy mare….can I have a hug first?” Joker actually managed to look embarrassed.
Slowly and unsurely, Luna wrapped her wings around the man in a, albeit awkward, hug.
He returned the hug, “Thanks, I- OH, LOOK, NOSTALGIA!” and then ran off to a corner of his subconscious that had what even Luna could recognize as those new electronic games and moving art plays that foals enjoy nowadays. “Hehehehe!”
