Oh, okay.
There is a long pause, and I just stare at Discord in confusion. He stares expectantly back at me, twirling his beard around his claw. I wring my hands nervously, then finally break the silence. The glare starting to form on his face isn’t looking too friendly, and I fear that he may turn me into a potato or something if I don’t answer him soon.
“Um… could you repeat that, please?” I request.
Discord sighs and puts a paw to his forehead. “You humans are all the same. Unintelligent, violent creatures. I said, make your wish.”
“My… wish?” I hastily duck as Discord chucks a frying pan at me. Where he got it I have no idea; my sister “borrowed” my frying pan last month and I haven’t seen it since.
“Yes, your wish! I have to grant one wish of yours,” Discord says, his voice heavy with annoyance.
“Why do you have to do that?” I ask, peering around him to evaluate exactly how much it would cost me to repair the giant dent in my wall. I’ll have to pay to get the wall fixed and re-painted, plus it looks like he damaged the electrical wires. Do I even have enough for that? Maybe if I-
“Were you even listening to me earlier?” Discord shouts at me, breaking me out of my concentration and making me flinch back. “I gave you the whole explanation, as well as acted everything out to ensure that the message got across. Celestia still doesn’t quite believe that I’ve learned everything about friendship, so she’s forcing me to travel across dimensions and grant wishes for various creatures. I’m sure it’s supposed to teach me something, but I can’t figure out what it is,” he muses.
“Oh, right. That.” My short-term memory has never been the best, and this is no exception. I have no idea how or why Discord, a character in a fictional cartoon, is standing in my kitchen at five in the morning. I know that I’d woken up early and gone downstairs to grab something to eat, but I’m not entirely sure what happened between walking down the stairs and now.
“Yes, that. There’s a few rules: You only get one wish, you can’t use your wish to get rid of me, you can’t wish for more wishes, blah blah blah I forget the rest,” Discord lists.
“Okay,” I agree.
There was another awkward silence. Discord floats around the room, fidgeting with my various kitchen appliances. An old cardboard box from when I’d first moved into the house last week throws itself out of the window, and I’m pretty sure there used to be a toaster in the place where a giant Princess Celestia figurine now stands. After shoving a bag full of marshmallows into my microwave, Discord grows impatient and demands, “Your wish. Now.”
“My wish?” That was obvious. There is only one thing I was really intrigued about right now. “I wish to be transported into Equestria!” I declare happily. Although I am still a bit too tired and groggy to fully process what was going on, this is still pretty awesome.
Equestria - the land of ponies. It doesn’t get much better than that. Ponies are better than people, although I suppose I’ll have to cut back on the mean. Equestria is just amazing, and this feels way too good of an opportunity to be true.
“Whatever.” Discord seems unimpressed. “Let’s just get this over with already. I have seventy-six more dimensions to visit today in order to meet my daily quota. And if I fail to meet it…” he shudders, trying to suppress a memory of boiling cheese sauce and drying paint. Then he looks up at me and waves his hand in my direction. I feel a whoosh of air, and all goes black.
I can’t move or speak. I suppose that’s because I’m being teleported or something, but as I’ve never teleported anywhere before, I’m not entirely sure. I’m pretty sure that people didn’t normally feel this stiff when you’re teleporting, though. My entire body is rigid and I don’t feel like I am moving at all. My limbs felt awkward, but that’s probably because I’ve been transformed into a pony. But shouldn’t ponies be able to move and see? Am I paralyzed? Am I blind? Why are my arms so heavy, and why do I have so many of them? What’s going on? I hear voices coming towards me. Coming towards me very, very quickly, although now that I’ve had a bit of time to think about it, it seems like one is moving faster than the others. It sounds like multiple voices - at least two ponies. No, three, and by the sound of it, they are fillies. They’re all laughing hysterically.
Then, all of a sudden, I hurt. A lot. Ow… I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. And this is actually a valid comparison because I’ve been hit by a truck before. Well, a LEGO one, and it didn’t hit me. I stepped on it. But it hurt! It was my cousin’s fire truck model, and it had the ladder thingy sticking up. Was it really necessary to make those things out of such painful materials?
The giggling stops.
“Wow, Scootaloo, are you alright?” one of the voices asks.
“Yeah, fine, just a scrape,” says Scootaloo, who sounds much closer to me than the others. I think she’s the one who crashed into me. “This stupid tree got in the way of my trick!” she pouts, kicking me in the shin.
Tree?
...Oh. That actually makes a lot of sense.
I’m a tree, in Equestria. Well played, Discord. How did I not see this coming?
My shin hurts now.