Grand Theft Pony
Six Mares Play GTA V
By Game-BeatX14
RainbowDashAttack has joined the round
TwilightTime has joined the round
Applejacked has joined the round
PinkiePieParty has joined the round
RarityGem has joined the round
FlutterAngel has joined the round
The six mares each slipped on a headset from the comfort of their couches, all eyes on their respective flat screen TVs. Playing the game together had become routine as of late.
“You girls all have your mics on?” Rainbow asked.
“Yep!” They responded in unison, their voices ever so slightly crackly through the connection.
“Darling, I must say, thank you for introducing me to this game. It’s rather crude, but quite exhilarating once you get into it.” Rarity admitted.
“Exactly! See, I knew you would like it eventually!”
“Plus, if it means a chance to play with you girls, well then I can’t just pass it up...”
Rainbow Dash smiled, and then Twilight started off.
“Alright girls, what should we do first? Missions? Last team standing? Some supercar races?”
“Ah think we’re all tired of car racin’, that’s all Rainbow Dash ever wants to do on this dang game.” Applejack complained. “If we do any more though, it’s gonna be tractor racin’.”
“Applejack, nobody wants to drive stupid tractors. They’re so slow and boring!”
“Um, if I can make a suggestion...” Fluttershy muttered.
“I think we should visit the clothing stores.” Rarity suggested. “Rainbow Dash, your character looks dreadful in those clothes.”
“Hey! That’s a three thousand dollar jacket I’ve got on!”
“Expensive or not, it’s still quite an eyesore. I mean really now, solid black? I suggest something with a bit of color and style to it.”
“Only you would care about style in a freakin’ video game, Rarity.”
“Hmmpf. Virtual or not, fashion is crucial!”
“Um, I’d like to go explore the mountains a bit...” Fluttershy squeaked.
“I know! Let’s throw a dance party!” Pinkie yelled.
“For the millionth time Pinkie, you can’t throw dance parties in this game! It’s Grand Theft Auto, not Party Simulator 2014.”
“Silly, there’s always a way to throw parties. You just watch!”
Suddenly, their conversation was interrupted when a stream of notifications popped up on the screen.
Pussyannihilator has joined the round
Yologetrekt420 has joined the round
Callofdutymountaindew has joined the round
Rainbow Dash groaned.
“Ugh! Twilight, you idiot, I thought this was a private session!” She whined.
“Crap, I must have selected the wrong option when I was setting it up...”
One of the intruding players interrupted over his mic.
“Rainbow Dash Attack? Flutter Angel? Twilight Time? Hah! What kind of dumbass usernames are those?!” The trio of stallions cackled.
Rainbow Dash smirked. They sounded like typical douchebag jocks, and she didn’t need to see them to know they were dumb.
“Whatever, let’s kill them all. It’ll give us something interesting to do.”
“Yeah, like we’re gonna be killed by some girly losers!”
“Hey, fillies. What are you, like twelve? Do you even have your cutie marks yet?” Rainbow asked condescendingly.
“Shut the fuck up, bitch!” One of them yelled, proudly displaying his wit and intelligence. Rainbow promptly opened her menu and muted them, switching the settings so only friends and crew members could hear her talk. Normally she would listen to mic chatter in case other players gave away their plans or location, but in this case it wasn’t worth the headache. She asked the others to do the same, which they gladly agreed.
“Buncha idiots. Alright, Applejack! You and I will take pussy man. Rarity, Fluttershy! You take yolo man there.”
“And Pinkie and I will take Mountain Dew man.” Twilight finished.
“Hell yeah! Now let’s go!”
“Rainbow, can ya slow down justa’ tad bit?!” Applejack yelled from the passenger seat.
“Noooope!”
VRROOOOOMMM BWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
Rainbow Dash blasted down the streets in her blue Grotti Turismo R at deadly speeds. A bump in the road could easily turn them into a vehicular missile. She drifted around a corner towards an interstate on-ramp. Pussyannihilator was barely a mile away.
“At this rate, we’ll be dead before we reach him!”
“Applejack... Calm your crotch tits. I got this!”
VWOOOOOM
Rainbow drove up the on-ramp so fast her car jumped the low concrete wall, clipping the edge and flipping the vehicle over the secondary highway below.
“No sweat, we’ll just land and keep drivi-”
KA-BOOOOOM!
Rainbow Dash’s mouth hung open as the two died and respawned on the highway just down the road from the deadly crash site.
RainbowDashAttack committed suicide
Applejacked blew up
“How does that even happen?!”
“What, you mean why does your car explode when you crunch the engine into the ground at two hundred miles per hour?”
“Yeah but... Aw fuck it, I’ll call Mors Mutual Insurance.”
Boop Boop Beep Boop
Hello, Mors Mutal. How can we be of service?
Her insurance claim call was interrupted when Pussyannihilator drifted around the corner in a tricked out Zentorno, unleashing a storm of bullets and smiting both of them into a bloody mess. BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM!
Pussyanihilator erased Applejacked
Pussyanihilator gunned down RainbowDashAttack
Applejack grimaced as they respawned down the road. Rainbow Dash could practically sense her disappointment, even though they couldn’t physically see each other.
“Oh alright, I’ll try to slow down next time...”
“Gimme your bits, ya’ buckin loser!”
“I’m hurrying, stop shouting!” The convenience store clerk begged, as he frantically emptied the cash register.
Rarity seemed to be taking a page out of Rainbow Dash’s book, finally starting to loosen up and play more aggressively. It was fun to let her uncouth side take over once in a while.
“You know Rarity, you really should stop shouting...” Fluttershy suggested.
“BUT HE GIVES ME MONEY FASTER!!” Rarity roared, making Fluttershy jump back on her couch.
Their radars started flashing, and police cruisers were dispatched towards the store.
“That’s everything I have, just take it!” The cashier threw the bag of money in front of the counter. Rarity picked it up.
+$1,300
“Alright Fluttershy, now let’s get out of here and go kill yolo man!”
CRASH
Yoloman rammed his Vapid Dominator through the door of the shop, lodging it into the doorway and trapping them inside. While she was distracted, the clerk pulled a gun.
“You think you can get away with this?!” He managed to fire two shots at Rarity before she blasted him with a shotgun shell. Their wanted stars increased to three. She returned her attention to the car rammed in the doorway.
“Outta my way!” Rarity snarled.
She cycled her weapon wheel to a sticky bomb, holding it for him to see. He threw his car into reverse, but the tires spun and smoked uselessly. It was completely stuck and he couldn’t exit the vehicle. Quickly, she stuck bomb after bomb to the front of his car. Then she ran to the back room of the store, ducking behind a wall for cover alongside Fluttershy.
“Eat shit, ruffian!”
Click.
CRACK-KA-BOOOOOM!
The force of the combined explosions blew the car backwards out the door, sending the fiery wreck of a muscle car into the street. A series of notifications appeared.
RarityGem bombed Yologetrekt420
You have been charged $9,001 for destroying Yologetrekt420’s personal vehicle.
Rarity smirked as the police sirens grew closer.
“Totally worth it.”
Twilight and Pinkie raced down the road side by side, driving lavender and pink Bravado Buffalo’s respectively. They blazed through traffic, dodging around cars in pursuit of their target. Pinkie glanced at her GPS, and to her luck Mountain Dew man was only a few blocks away.
“Pinkie, get your sticky bombs ready!”
“Way ahead of you Twi!” She cycled to the bombs in her weapon wheel.
As their opponent man came into view, he started dropping grenades out the window in their path. Pinkie managed to dodge the scattered explosions, but Twilight was not so lucky.
KA-BLAM!
Twilight’s car exploded violently.
Callofdutymountaindew bombed TwilightTime
“Dammit!” She yelled. The frustrated mare grumbled as she respawned and called the mechanic for another vehicle.
Meanwhile, the fight between Pinkie and Mountain Dew man continued. Bullets flew from his side window as he unloaded several clips of ammo at Pinkie Pie. She took minimal damage, since her Buffalo was well armored. She caught up to him and spun his car out, pushing him sideways into a wall and throwing a sticky bomb out the window at his car. He gunned her down through the windshield just as Pinkie detonated the bomb, igniting both cars in a fiery explosion.
KA-BOOOOOOM!
Callofdutymountaindew gunned down PinkiePieParty
PinkiePieParty bombed Callofdutymountaindew
Pinkie Pie respawned, just in time to see Twilight pull up next to her in a purple Karin Futo.
“Let’s get out of here and head back to the girls, I don’t feel like messing with these guys anymore.”
Rainbow Dash stood outside an Ammunation gun shop with her mouth hanging open in disbelief. Pussyannihilator had returned while she was in the store, managing to hook her Turismo R to a cargo helicopter and fly off with it. He had only made it a block before crashing into a building and exploding again, destroying her car along with the massive helicopter. She looked at her minimap, noticing Applejack was down the block in her Poplar Street garage.
“Yo Applejack, can you come pick me up? That bastard stole my car with a Cargobob and blew it up! Let’s go do something else.”
“No problem, Rainbow!”
About twenty seconds later, Applejack fishtailed around the corner in an orange Vapid Sandking XL, complete with chrome bull bars and every upgrade in the shop.
“Get in, loser! We’re going offroadin’.”
Rainbow Dash climbed into Applejack’s truck, only to shove her out the driver door and take the seat.
“Rainbow, dangnamit!”
“Ha, nice truck Applejack! See ya!”
Rainbow Dash sped away, not noticing the sticky bomb Applejack had attached to the truck while she was peeling out.
BOOOOOOM!
Applejack detonated her truck, killing Rainbow Dash along with it. She quickly called up the insurance company and mechanic, getting a replacement delivered and giggling while Rainbow cussed up a storm into the mic.
The six mares grew tired of killing the other players and screwing around aimlessly, and finally decided to meet up along the ocean side highway while the stallions were busy racing around on the opposite side of the city. They all stood next to their cars, chatting and discussing about what they should do next.
“So can we please do an actual mission now? We haven’t really accomplished anything...” Twilight noted.
“Nah, maybe next time. I’m getting a little tired.” Rainbow yawned.
Twilight accepted her reasoning. It was getting late after all, and dusk was falling over Ponyville.
“Hey girls! Watch this!” Pinkie yelled excitedly.
The boisterous pony fired off a few rockets from her firework launcher, lighting up the sky with burst of color. The light from the explosions reflected off the ocean, giving off an impressive display.
“I saved it from the fourth of July update! WOOOOOOO!”
They smiled jointly at Pinkie’s incessant ability to find the party in everything.
“Wait, where did Fluttershy go? Wasn’t she just here a minute ago?” Asked Rarity.
She was answered by the intensifying sound of a fighter jet dive bombing towards them at full speed, the roar of the thrusters cracking the sky.
Flutttershy un-muted her microphone, smiling devilishly.
“Hey girls, those are some nice cars you have there!”
Fluttershy smashed the speeding jet right into the middle of them, laughing maniacally.
“Muahahaha!”
CR-KA-BOOOOOOM!
A giant fireball engulfed the highway, igniting all their personal vehicles and creating a deadly chain reaction that left all five of their cars in a smoldering mountain of burnt and twisted metal. The six mares respawned nearby on the beach, about a hundred feet from the highway.
All five turned to look at Fluttershy.
“Totally worth it...”
Fluttershy turned to run away, only to be gunned down in a cacophony of shotguns and assault rifle rounds.
“Yeah, that’s not going unchecked Fluttershy.” Twilight chided, still holding her assault shotgun.
“Alright, I think that’s enough for tonight.” Rainbow added.
“Agreed. Same time tomorrow?”
“Yeah, sounds good. Except Fluttershy’s not invited.” She joked.
Fluttershy was about to retort, when a familiar error kicked them from the server.
Connection to the session lost due to an unknown network error. Please return to GTA 5 and try again later.
“Celestia fuck me with a banana, this game has too many egghead technical issues!”
“Awwwwww, I guess our Grand Theft Auto party is over...”
“Dammit Rockstar, get yer shit together!”
“I wonder if I could diagnose this error?”
“That’s ok, we were getting off anyway...”
“But I didn’t get a chance to buy new outfits yet!”