I refuse to Sing Along
It was an atypical day in Ponyville. Atypical in that nothing spectacular happened. There were no hordes of creatures stampeding through town, no strange visitors from another town, no damage caused by chaotic gods, Changling Queens, or Cutie Mark Crusaders. There were no crystal castles sprouting from the ground. It was a quiet and peaceful day. To commemorate such a rare occasion, Bertha, a mundane orange earth pony with a pink mane, decided take a bubble bath in her tub and relax.
Bertha checked the water’s temperature. She tested the sudsiness of the bubbles. Once everything was ideal, she slipped right into the tub. After a sigh of contentment, she decided to do her second favorite thing in the world, (right after taking a bubble bath): she started to sing.
“Cranky Doodle went to town,” Bertha crooned. “Oh, I love taking my bath,” she exclaimed to no pony in particular. “Peace and quiet. All alone.” She continued with the song, “And called it macaroni!”
There was a knock on the bathroom door. “Oh hi, buddy Bertha!” It was Pinkie Pie, Ponyville’s resident party planner. It was her unofficial job to check up on every resident in town to see how they were doing, and to make them smile if they were feeling unhappy. Maybe it was her job. She is, the Element of Laughter, after all.
“Hi Pinkie,” Bertha replied. “Can you close the door? There’s a draft.”
“Oh sure. Just a second.” Pinkie was dragging a large object into the room.
“Um, Pinkie, what are you doing? You can’t pull a piano through the bathroom door!”
“Well sure I can! Just watch,” Pinkie replied. After a few grunts and quite a bit of earth pony strength, Pinkie was able to insert a baby grand piano into Bertha’s bathroom.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH A PIANO IN THE BATHROOM?” Bertha exclaimed.
Pinkie giggled. “Well, I heard you singing in the tubby there, and so I thought I would come in and sing along.”
“I don’t want you to sing along.” Bertha protested. “I want you to get out.”
“Don’t you know that every pony sounds better singing in the bathroom,” Pinkie explained nonchalantly, as if it was the most obvious statement in the world.
“I don’t want a piano in here Pinkie,” Bertha continued to whine.
Pinkie retorted, “But Bertha, what’s a sing-a-long without a piano?”
“It’s me,” Bertha countered. “Alone.” Granted, that response made no logical sense. But when you are arguing with Pinkie Pie, logic and common sense usually go flying out the door faster than a stream of confetti from her party cannon.
Pinkie began to play. “Listen to this Bertha. Doesn't that sound nice? Doesn't it make you want to sing along?”
Bertha continued to protest, “Stop that Pinkie. Stop that right now. I want to see you out of here.”
“Gee Bertha,” Pinkie responded musically. “It’s so much fun. I know you’ll like it once we begun.”
Bertha almost stood up in her tub. “No. I’ve to wash my mane. I’ve got to scrub my hooves...”
Pinkie continued, “But Bertha, we’ll have a ball if I can get you to sing at all.”
“No. I refuse to sing along. I won’t. So please don’t ask me if I want to, because I don’t.”
Pinkie begged, “Pretty please? It would make you happy if you sang something snappy that will bounce you right along. Something like, “Farmer in the Dell,” “Old Granny Smith Had a Farm,” “`C' is for Cupcake,” “On Top of Old Smokey,” “John Jacob Pinkamena Diane Pie Smith,” or maybe “What’s the Name of That Song?””
“No! That’s it! In a bathtub? That’s ridiculous. I quit! And that’s that!” Bertha roared. “Just go away, and take your piano with you.”
There was a knock on the door. “Somepony’s at the door,” said Pinkie as she stopped tickling the ivories.
“Go see who it is, and lock yourself out,” Bertha cried. She was not expecting any visitors at this time. But does anypony ever expect the Pinkie Inquisition? And now it seems like Pinkie was inviting somepony else into her bathroom.
Instead, Pinkie shouted, “It’s open.”
“Hold it Pinkie. What are you doing?” Bertha stammered. Pinkie greeted the new guest. She was an orange earth pony wearing a Stetson hat and carry a banjo strapped across her back. It was no other than Sweet Apple Acres’ very own Applejack. “Oh, hi AJ.”
“Howdy,” replied Applejack. “Ah got yer message. Y’all still having that sing-a-long, right?”
“Sure,” exclaimed Pinkie Pie. “And you brought your banjo too. That’s perfect.”
Applejack continued to stride into the room. “Howdy Bertha.” Pinkie wasn't the only pony that knew the name and face of every resident in town. In fact, since it is such a relatively small community, most residents of Ponyville did know one another. Bertha was a regular customer of Sweet Apple Acres. She enjoyed their apples, their apple cider, and especially their rare Zap Apple jam. Bertha always wanted to be first in line, but she’d never be able to outpace the pegasi, especially the one named Rainbow Dash. “Ooh, look at the suds. How are the suds?” Applejack reacted to the bubbles the same way Winona would react to a brand new chew toy.
Bertha answered, “Oh, hello Applejack. If you don’t mind, I’m trying to take a bath, and…”
Bertha never got a chance to finish her sentence, as another pony entered. She was a lime green unicorn, carrying a lyre that closely matched her cutie mark. “Hi Pinkie,” she said.
“Lyra. Come on in,” summoned Pinkie.
“Can some pony lend me their hoof with this lyre?” asked the unicorn.
“Sure. Let me get that,” said the pink party pony. She was about to grab the lyre as another pony entered. She was a lavender alicorn. She was accompanied by a lavender baby dragon.
“Hi Pinkie,” boomed Equestria’s newest princess.
“Hi Twilight.”
“La, la, la, la,” sang Twilight Sparkle. “The acoustics are great in here. It’s a terrific place for a sing-a-long. Spike, write this down,” as she ordered the drake to jot down some notes. They were presumably some mathematical equations that would somehow prove how Bertha’s bathroom was somehow the most ideal place to harmonize.
Bertha was stunned. “Princess Twilight?” Although Twilight loathed to act like royalty, or even as an upper-crust unicorn, she was still a princess, and this background pony never expected to host any type of royalty – especially in her bathroom.” If you would please…”
Bertha was interrupted again. A quartet of ponies entered. They were wearing matching green outfits, and sporting green and yellow bow ties. It was Ponyville’s very own singing troupe, The Ponytones.
“Greetings everyone,” roared the Ponytones.
Pinkie beamed, “Hi Rarity. Glad you could make it. Did you invite the entire group?” She wasn’t able to see the door anymore so she had to ask.
“I brought the entire group as you requested, Pinkie,” exclaimed a white unicorn as she pranced into the room. “
“Big Macintosh Apple? Here in my bathroom?” gulped Bertha. She began to sink beneath the bubbles. She had recurring fantasies of having the hulky red stallion here in her house, and even in her bathroom. But never in a situation like this.
“Umm, excuse me,” stammered a yellow Pegasus that lurked out from behind Big Mac. I wanted to come and sing as well… that is … if you don’t mind.”
Bertha composed herself. “Yes I do mind. I mind all of you.”
There was a crash at the door, followed by a Technicolor explosion. There were 2 more pegasi that arrived. One was cyan colored, with a rainbow colored mane. The other was grey, with golden colored crossed eyes. The former began to speak.
“Sorry we’re late Pinkie. Did we miss anything?”
“Dashie, you’re just in time,” beamed Pinkie.
“We would have gotten here sooner, but somepony forgot where they left their fiddle,” boomed Rainbow Dash as she leered toward her companion.
“I just don’t know what went wrong,” cried the other Pegasus.
Bertha had had enough, “Now please, you ponies are going to grab me a towel, and then you are going to leave.” She was yet again interrupted by a knocking of the door. This time, it was a dark grey earth pony, and a very pale yellow unicorn. The earth pony was wearing a pink bow tie. The unicorn was sporting over sized magenta lens sunglasses.
“Pardon us, but we were invited to appear at a musical gathering. Is this the correct address?” asked the earth pony in a very proper and dignified manner. “And is there any space available where I can place my cello?”
“A cello?” exclaimed Bertha. She was apoplectic to the thought of having just a piano in the bathroom. Now there is a whole warehouse full of musical instruments in here.
“Wow, just check out the acoustics in here. I can make some really sweet wubs in here,” stated the blue and aqua maned unicorn, as she pulled out a couple of speakers, two turntables, and a microphone. “I’m gonna call it, “Wub-A-Dub-Tub.”
“That’s exactly what I said,” Twilight Sparkle replied back to the DJ.
Bertha sunk back into her tub. There was no way this situation could get any worse. It seemed like to entire population of Ponyville was here. She could not get any more embarrassed.
There was a loud belch. It was a noise that seemed to be too loud for the tiny dragon to produce. However, a scroll was the end product of Spike’s bellow. Twilight used her magic to seize the scroll, and began to read aloud.
“Dear Princess Twilight, A sing-a-long sounds like a splendid idea. I would love nothing better than to join you in Ponyville, and have a wonderful time. But alas, duty calls, and I cannot shirk my responsibilities here in Canterlot. I hope you understand. If not, you will very soon. Sincerely, Princess Celestia.”
“P.S. Luna loves the idea too. She is practicing her singing in her room as I write this. She wants to sing a song, and should arrive in Ponyville shortly.”
“Nightmare Moon, um, I mean, Princess Luna in my bathroom?” yelped Bertha. She was completely underwater at this point. It is possible that she might have drowned herself, if it wasn’t for a feeling of something gnawing on her back hooves. “What was that?” she cried. “Is that… is that an alligator? Pinkie, there’s an alligator in my bathtub!”
“Oh that’s just Gummy. Don’t worry Bertha, he’s harmless. See?” Pinkie explained as the opened the alligator’s mouth and revealed to Bertha that he indeed had no teeth.
Applejack sought to get everypony’s attention. “All right, all right, are y’all ready to begin?”
There was a shout from the back of the room by an overly muscled white peagsus with undersized wings. “YEAH!”