twilight and friends are sent by unknown circumstances to my apartment and must now face life as humans until we can find a way to get them back home. celestia have mercy on us...
My name is Gaiven Gonzales. i was just another starving artist who worked for the owner of an asian market until six girls and one boy appeared in my apartment. now i have to help them survive the transition from pony society (and bodies) to that of humans, and hopefully help send the seven of them back home.
(this story takes place before the season 3 finale, so twilight is still just a unicorn in equestria, but discord is reformed and king sombra defeated. And yes, this is a shameless self insertion. I just think i would make a good "sensible elder brother" type character that can help the mane six stay sane. and actually the main character isn't really me, but he is based on me and what i want to be in the future. if that turns you off you can take your skyward bound nose elsewhere! cover art belongs to RosioChika http://rosiochika.deviantart.com/ )
life isn't easy for a comic artist in Seattle. I’m actually still trying to get published so I’m not even a comic artist. My name is Gaiven Gonzales and I live in the apartment above the Asian market run by Mrs. Yamashita, where I work instead of paying rent. My official job is working as an on call interpreter, and I make enough to live fairly comfortably for just speaking Japanese.
Today started off pretty crappy when I slept through my alarm and woke up to Mrs. Yamashita standing over me. For a second I’d thought the old Japanese woman was death himself and accidentally punched her in the face. She reeled back and landed flat on her ass, her face a mask of shock. Needless to say I got to work immediately. Lucky me I still had a job because Mrs. Yamashita can laugh at herself. After that I had the pleasure of running the whole store myself and dealing with several unpleasant customers who won't accept the fact that we don't carry marusan brand ramen, followed by my lunch exploding all over the inside of the microwave.
So now it's nine o'clock at night, I’m exhausted from a stressful day that started an hour late, and I just want to go to bed. I get up from my spot in the middle of the room Mrs. Yamashita remodeled with tatami mats, and a large closet to store a futon bed in, and put the coffee table up against the wall to set out my futon bed. The mattress and comforter beckon to me when I finish, silently whispering of comfort and warmth to combat the cold November night. Within minutes I’m asleep beneath the covers and fail to notice the sound of objects slipping between dimensions and into my small three room, one bath apartment.
The next morning I awake to find a girl about my age, with fair skin and hair like cotton candy cuddled up to me. I look to the clock on my bookshelf and see it's still a little less than an hour before my alarm goes off at seven. “Who the fuck are you?” I wonder aloud. Apparently the girl is a light sleeper because she stirs and her eyes flutter open when she hears me. “Mm... pinkie pie.” she says.
“Excuse me?” “My name is pinkie pie. What's yours?” She replies, propping herself up on her elbows. I blink a few times before I think I understand. “Oh! Uh, I’m Gaiven and... I guess I should ask how much I owe you...” she seems confused by this and I realize my mistake. “OH MY GOD! I am so sorry!” another voice rings out in the darkened room that I don't recognize in response to my outburst. “Pinkie shut up! I'm trying to sleep! Wait! How did you get in here?!! where is here?!! Twilight?!!” “I'm right here spike. Where are we?”
I was still foggy from sleep at this point, but I realized that not only were there now three other people in my home I didn't recall bringing home, ONE OF THEM WAS A TEENAGE BOY!!! I scrambled over to the light switch and flicked on the single overhead bulb. When I looked back to the bed I saw six girls scattered around the room, all in about their early twenties, with a veritable rainbow of hair colors, (one of them actually had her hair dyed in the colors of the rainbow!!!) and one boy who looked about sixteen, maybe seventeen, with a green Mohawk, and all of them were stark naked!!! as soon as the three who are awake get a look at themselves they start freaking out which wakes up the other four who also start screaming. “Shut up!!!” I scream to drown the girls and boy out.
A fair skinned girl with pastel pink hair flowing down her back like a waterfall of strawberry milk turns to a dark skinned girl with navy blue hair with a pink and purple stripe in her flat cut bangs. Her wispy voice is filled with panic. “Twilight what's going on?!! what are we?!! where are we?!!” before Twilight can reply another girl with pale, freckled skin and long blonde hair bound near the end by a red elastic tie pipes up with a thick southern accent. “And where in Equestria is mah hat?!!” she starts looking about the room as if nothing else matters. Obviously the purple haired beauty with pearly skin thought this was as ridiculous as I did and sharply reprimanded the cowgirl with her new England accent in full swing. “Applejack darling! I love accessories as much as the next pony but now is not the time to worry about that!”
“Wait wait wait hold the fuck up!” I exclaim, breaking up the clamor despite never being much of a take charge kind of guy. “did you just say, 'as much as the next pony? Is that some kind of code? And where the hell is Equestria?!!” the six girls and one boy stare at me in silence like I just claimed to be from mars until twilight finally spoke up. “You mean you're not from Equestria? Then, is this your world?” I couldn't believe it. Was I seriously hosting seven beings from another world that conveniently spoke English and happened to end up in my bedroom by some freak accident? Despite my uncertainty I shook myself and decided to make sure we were all on the same page. “ my name is Gaiven and I was born in Washington state, one of the fifty united states of America. Does this mean anything to you guys?” Apparently it doesn't because they're all shaking their heads. “Okay so let me get this straight. You seven are ponies from Equestria who just happened to end up in my house as humans by some unknown means and you all speak English?” “Actually I'm a dragon.” the boy pipes up. I’m silent for a short while as I process what the kid just said. “A... dragon? As in a, fire breathing, maiden snatching, jewel hoarding dragon?” the boy nods and introduces himself as spike. “At your service.”
at this point I'm as ready to believe them as call a mental hospital. Honestly I think I’ve been more than fair for putting up with seven crazy people breaking into my apartment and claiming to be ponies and a dragon from a country I've never heard of. So I decide that either they're actually crazy or telling the truth. So I call them on it. “prove it!” twilight and the purple haired knock out are the first to step forward with proof. “Rarity and I were unicorns back in Equestria so I think the best way to prove what we're saying is true is to use magic.” Twilight explains. First dragons and ponies, and now unicorns... I’m actually not too surprised at this point.
“stand still darling.” Rarity advises me. The two former unicorns raise their hands and nothing happens at first. Then their hands are shrouded in violet and sapphire blue auras respectively and I start floating until I’m two full feet off the ground.
“Okay okay I believe you now! Just don't drop me!!!”
Once we learn each others names we decide to try and figure out where Equus (their home planet apparently) is in relation to earth and we at least figure out that the two planets are in the same galaxy based on the fact that we both have a horse head nebula. After that though my alarm reminds me I have to get ready for work. “Gah!!! Ive gotta take a shower!!!” I exclaim. “Uuuuuhhhhh... you guys go raid my closet, I’ll be back in like... twenty minutes!!!”
“raid your closet? As in put on clothes? Why?” Pinkie pie asks. “Are we going somewhere special?” The question threw me off so bad I physically stopped to turn around. “... Right! Ponies don't wear clothes!!! How silly of me! Well, humans wear clothes because going around naked is considered indecent.” I explain sarcastically slamming the bathroom door. Turning on the hot water and fan I start to think about what I’m going to do with seven people who officially don't exist to the U.S. government. I decided I’d have to make a few calls as I step into the shower and let the hot water wash away my stress.
After my shower I was able to fully appreciate how different we all were in size. Rainbow dash is the smallest of the group at 4'6” with a slim wiry build that tells me she'd be a great runner and a loli to boot, and applejack is a veritable giantess at 6'4” with muscles like a construction worker. The other girls are average heights but their bodies still couldn't be more different. Fluttershy is willowy but her boobs must be D cups at least, while rarity has curves like a racetrack. Twilight has an average build while pinkie has slight pudges in all the right places, likely from too many sweets and lots of dancing. Spike is built like my younger brother. Average height, not skinny but not especially muscular either. The product of a fast metabolism, plenty of protein, and a semi-lazy lifestyle. Needless to say my jeans wouldn't fit half of them so I had to lend spike, applejack, rarity, and pinkie pajama pants instead.
After we're all dressed I show them how to work the television and head down to open the shop before Mrs. Yamashita shows up to work the register. “Ohayou gozaimasu Yamashita san!” I chirp as I let my landlady into the store. “I have some friends from out of town in my room right now and I just thought I should let you know.” Mrs. Yamashita thanked me for informing her and wished me luck with my guests. Luckily we had early customers who kept her from asking questions. The customers were our usual college students looking for soy sauce and instant ramen that didn't taste like ass. One was a tall Irish looking fella with curly orange hair, and his girlfriend also looked Irish, but her hair was straight. Looking outside I saw they had brought their Irish wolfhound and tied him up out front. I can't really blame them for looking into cheap foods like ramen.. Keeping yourself well fed in college is a challenge in and of itself. I myself would've been reduced to having to eat that slop if Mrs. Yamashita hadn't basically taken me in and brought me food in exchange for working at her store. I had tried to express my thanks for a full year before giving up because each time she wouldn't have it, saying having me to take care of was like having another grandson around, except I was even better than her lazy, good-for-nothing grandsons because I earn my keep. When I got back to my apartment around five thirty I found Rarity, Fluttershy, Twilight, and Applejack watching the discovery channel while Pinkie, Spike and Rainbow Dash had gotten into my board games. “Hey guys. What'cha watching?” I don't know why but the extra people in my apartment felt oddly right. Like they belonged here.
“A documentary on the life cycles of horses.” twilight replied. My eyes must've been bigger than dinner plates as I dove for the remote and quickly changed the channel before the horses on the screen got into it.
“NO HORSE PORN IN MY HOUSE!!!” the girls and spike just stared at me, sprawled across the coffee table, still tense from my sudden adrenaline rush. “Um... what's this game?” Rainbow dash asked, trying to change the subject. I readily looked to the box in her hands to answer her question, and felt my stomach drop through the floor when I recognized the black and white box.
“Not for ponies or dragons. That's what it is!” I snap, grabbing the box from Rainbow dash. “Now if you'll excuse me, I’m going to make dinner.” Dinner consisted of stir fried veggies over rice with spring rolls on the side, and it went over quite well. Even spiked liked the spring rolls. I suppose I should just keep the fact that I got the food from the expired bin in the back of the store to myself... a couple hours later I set up my futon and the spare I kept for guests for the girls to sleep on while spike and I slept on the other side of the room. “Good night everybody.”
“Everypony.” Spike corrected me.
“Oh. Well then. Goodnight everypony.” I amended.
“Good night.” they all replied as I clicked off the lights. As I pulled a spare blanket around my shoulders and settled down in a corner of the room, I promised myself the next day I would buy another bed as I fell asleep, hoping Saturday would be less crazy.
Saturday: my eyes flutter open and the first thing I notice is that pinkie pie has yet again cuddled up to me in her sleep and has my arm in a stranglehold to the point where the limb has fallen asleep. She probably sleeps with a body pillow or a stuffed animal of some sort. I slip my numbed arm out of her grasp and look at the clock to see It's ten to seven. Normally on a Saturday I’d just roll over and go back to sleep until noon, but today I have seven guests and I decide to play the gracious host and make a breakfast of bacon and eggs with pancakes. I’m only half finished before spike has followed his nose to the kitchen.
“Hey dude. How'd you sleep?” Spike yawns and rubs his eyes.
“good. What cha making? It smells better than anything I’ve ever smelled.” I was a bit surprised at that. It's easy to forget your friend is actually a dragon from a world where ponies are the dominant species. Looking back it seems pretty obvious he'd never had bacon before seeing that he lives among herbivores and can survive on precious gems and vegetable matter. I tried to explain what bacon was but rainbow dash stepped into the kitchen before I could. She looks around in a daze before her half asleep eyes find me. I found myself blushing at her half-lidded gaze with one of my t-shirts hanging off her slim shoulders. It seemed unusually erotic, and I half expected her to mumble something about “nii-san”. Maybe I’ve been on my own for a little too long.
“Breakfast and coffee will be done in a few minutes Dash. Can you get the others up for me?” Rainbow Dash nodded and turned around to get the girls wordlessly, her tiny feet lightly making small slapping noises against the tile floor of the kitchen until she got to the tatami mats.
Spike shrugged. “Weird.”
“Hm? What's weird spike?” I asked.
“Well, I just think I’m going crazy, because up until now I’d never thought of rainbow dash as 'cute'. But just now, well...” He shrugs.
“Haha! I know what you mean. Women have a unique talent for looking younger than they are. If it weren't for her overall proportions I’d swear Dash was even younger than you. She's a loli alright...” I chuckled.
“A loli? What's that?”
I freeze in place, realizing my mistake. “Uhhh... just a girl who looks like, or is a really cute preteen or little girl, but I wouldn't use the word if I were you. It's kind of a geek term so most people won't know what it means.” spike raises an eyebrow, but he nods and turns to rejoin the girls in the living room. Soon after twilight pokes her head into the kitchen to ask if I had spare toothbrushes, which I don't. Well, not enough. “um... it's Saturday, so let's just skip the teeth brushing until I can pick up some more brushes.” she nods and I finish breakfast that has been eagerly awaited at the coffee table. Thank god for paper plates and plastic utensils and cups. You always have enough for guests.
About half way through breakfast twilight gets curious and asks what the bacon is. I swallow the food in my mouth and explain that it's pork. “Well what's pork?” spike asked, his earlier curiosity about the dish rekindled.
“It's pig.” The room goes absolutely silent before fluttershy faints. Rarity swoons but maintains consciousness, falling into spikes arms. The others just stare at their plates like they just told them they're cannibals. Which by their standards probably wasn't far from the truth. Who knows if pigs are sentient too in their world.
“Look, I get that this must seem like a weird thing for you guys, but humans are omnivores and-” Rainbow Dash cuts me off before I can explain further.
“Omni-what-now?”
“An omnivore is an animal that requires nutrients from meat and vegetable matter, so they eat veggies when they find them and also hunt other animals as well.” Twilight explains. “Examples from Equestria include dragons and even some ponies who choose to partake in omnivorous diets.”
my eyes nearly popped out of my skull at her last comment. “W-what?!! there are ponies that eat meat?!! I mean I guess I shouldn't be surprised since there are humans who choose to be vegetarians but... what the ever loving fuck?!! I thought meat was bad for horses!” I exclaim.
“Well technically it is because of the fat content of most meats, which is much higher than the nutritional requirements of the average pony.” Twilight explains. “ However I haven't heard of any other adverse health effects so long as it's only a small part of the ponies diet used to supplement their protein intake.”
Her explanation made sense and I told everyone they didn't have to eat their bacon if they didn't want to. There was plenty of pancakes and eggs to fill everyone but I was actually impressed when twilight decided to finish her bacon. I had not pegged her as the type to dive head first into a new experience, but there she went, chowing down and making “yummy” noises.
Later as I washed the dishes with spike, I start thinking about the water bill with seven more people in the house, which makes me think of the electricity bill, and the grocery bill, and the sleeping arrangements from now on, and all that and I realize-and blurt out “I can't afford that shit!!!” Spike jumped at my outburst and accidentally shot a fireball which ricocheted off the frying pan he was drying and hit the tile wall behind the sink, thankfully not lighting anything on fire. I stared in horror at the young man that had just hiccuped a fiery ball of death. “Oh great,” I mutter “one more thing to worry about.”
after I finished the dishes I called everyone to the living room for a meeting to discuss expenses. “Alright everyone, I need you all to listen for a minute. I don't know how things work in Equestria, but here on earth you need money to pay for just about everything. Now, I work for Mrs. Yamashita, and she takes the rent for this apartment out of my paycheck. But I still have to pay for the food I buy and the utility bills that pay for my water, gas, and electricity.” the girls nod and I continue. “the problem is I can't afford to pay for eight people's living expenses. I need at least some of you to get steady jobs. Thankfully we live near a mall so jobs shouldn't be in short supply with holiday hiring going on. So today I’m going to buy one outfit for each of you, spike included, and then we're going to go apply to some jobs okay?
Thankfully things are much the same in Equestria as far as living expenses go, so the girls and Spike were very understanding and eager to set the plan into motion. I made my way downstairs through the shop and as I did I saw Mrs. Yamashita coming in with two arm fulls of material. “Oh! Geiben san, come help me get these up to your apartment!”
I was a bit dumbstruck but at the same time curious so I just said the first thing that came to mind as I grabbed the material so she could get more from her car. “what are these?”
“they're kimono. I never wear them and you told me those people you have over lost their luggage so I thought I’d bring them so your guests could have something to wear.” she explained, referring to my weak explanation that the girls and spike were friends from Canada who had lost their luggage at the airport.
Mrs. Yamashita never ceases to amaze me with just how generous she can be. She never lets you leave her without something to remind you that there are not only decent people, but modern saints in this world. Provided she likes you. I’ve seen first hand what she can do to a grown man with a broom.
The girls were a little surprised when I brought the kimono in but were quick to join in lugging the garments up to the apartment. After the clothes were piled in the middle of the living room Mrs. Yamashita shooed Spike and I out to the stairs that led to the shop, saying it wasn't right for boys to watch pretty girls getting dressed. “And don't you DARE peep!” she says before closing the door behind her. Was she daring us to try? Better not to take the chance.
Twenty minutes later Mrs. Yamashita opens the door again, calling spike and I in to get dressed as well. “what? Mrs. Yamashita, why do I need to get dressed too? I have clothes.”
the old Shriveled Japanese woman gave me a look and simply asked, “you don't want to match all the pretty girls?” That was enough for me. I'd always liked Japanese clothes, so it wasn't like I was complaining, just confused. I already knew how to put on a mens kimono myself and selected a black number and a navy blue belt with gold embroidery, which Mrs. Yamashita insisted I accent with the black hakama pants with a gold fish scale pattern. I then put my long brown hair up in a top knot to complete the look. While I was getting dressed myself, Mrs. Yamashita had set spike up in a dark green kimono with dark brown hakama and a deep purple belt.
Once we were dressed she called the girls in from the kitchen and my jaw hit the floor. I couldn't believe that the girls who I already thought were beautiful had now gained an exotic elegance.
The first to come out was rarity, wearing a white kimono that hugged her curves with a black sash and sapphire blue length of cord holding it around her waist. Her hair, normally a very intentional set of coils hanging to the right of her face, was now arranged into a bun atop the crown of her head, with smaller coils sticking out randomly.
Next was twilight wearing a purple kimono with a kirin embroidered on the front near the bottom hem with lavender thread and a lavender obi belt with a hot pink cord securing it. Her flat cut hair had been left loose and it looked very good on her.
Pinkie pie literally bounced out of the kitchen after Twilight wearing a bright pink kimono that didn't go past her knees and showed a lot of cleavage, (apparently it had belonged to Mrs. Yamashita's fourteen year old granddaughter) with pale cherry blossom petals printed on, and a cherry red sash. Her wild and curly hair was up in a simple ponytail.
Fluttershy came out after pinkie and looked absolutely mortified in the yellow kimono that was very prominently open and showing a lot of her ample bosom simply because it wasn't big enough to wrap around her breasts fully. I could see her orange obi straining to hold the robe closed as she hid behind her hair which the back of had been wound into a bun, leaving the front to frame the right side of her face like it usually did.
Applejack was convinced she looked ridiculous because the hem of her emerald green kimono couldn't reach past mid calf on her. Her obi was black with a koi fish embroidered on in gold thread. Her hair was in a braid that hung over her left shoulder and served to make her look even taller.
When applejack finished her turn to show off we waited for rainbow dash but she refused to come out until pinkie had to drag her out. The sky blue kimono suited her but the fact was it was simply much too long for her. In order to make it fit Mrs. Yamashita had to fold excess cloth under the rainbow patterned obi so that the folds hung down to mid thigh on her. It was only because she'd claimed that “Pink is waaaay too girly for me!” that pinkie was wearing the pink kimono instead of rainbow dash.
To finish off the outfits Mrs. Yamashita gave us all straw sandals from the shop for free and with that we were off to the mall. Our group got a loot of different looks, from excitement, to jealous, lust, confusion, and even slight disgust towards pinkie and fluttershy. I can't exactly say why but I got very protective of the girls when the looks of disgust came their way. I mean, never let it be said that I don't stand up for my friends, but I’ve never glared so hard at someone they actually ran away for fear of what I might do over a dirty look. However after that our group went unmolested as we went from store to store, grabbing applications here and there but mostly being told to go online to apply at the company site. Never the less we scored an interview for everyone and with a little coercion (not hard when you put a beautiful girl in front of a middle aged man) all the girls had jobs waiting for them on Monday.
Fluttershy was working for Petsmarket, rarity was working for Spendless shoe store, applejack and pinkie were baristas at Sunbucks coffee, rainbow dash was in shoes at Big 4 Sporting goods, and twilight works in Barney & Nobility. Even spike got a job assisting Mrs. Yamashita, who took a liking to him right away, calling him “Bozu-chan”. An apt name meaning “little punk” or “punky”, seeing as spike's mohawk made him look like a punk rocker.
Since everyone had gotten a job in the span of a day with fake social security numbers my friend from a law firm had cooked up, I decided we should celebrate. We had cake and pizza, (only one of the six I ordered had meat to appease the girls aversion to meat, while leaving plenty of meat lovers for Spike and I to enjoy) and after Spike got tired I brought out my stash of rum and coke, and led the girls out to the balcony.
“A toast! To employment, and your future wardrobes!” I cried, raising my glass. The others cheered their agreement and clinked their glasses with mine. Apparently the rum was a bit strong for Rarity , Fluttershy, and Twilight, who set down their glasses after one sip, but Rainbow and Applejack chugged theirs like champs. I swiftly cut everyone off at one glass before something got started.
That night we all went to bed in much the same way as the night before, but this time the girls didn't want to put spike and I out in the cold again, so it ended up with 4 to a futon length wise with our feet were hanging over the edge of the mattresses. Spike was with Twilight, Rainbow Dash and Applejack, while I shared with Rarity, Fluttershy and Pinkie who had already latched onto my arm as soon as her head hit the pillow.
I took one last look at the clock which told me it was one in the morning and wondered if having seven room mates would be so bad. And then I remembered we only had one bathroom...
Ah Sunday, the best day of the week in my opinion. A day of rest and relaxation, faith and communion, you know, the American dream.
For me, this Sunday began with another early (for me) wake up call and a round of cafe' au lait for everyone, followed by hours of sifting through clothes racks at a second hand shop. A few hundred dollars later everyone had three pairs of pants that fit and several shirts. I could feel my credit card screaming in agony.
We stopped around noon for lunch at Spendco where I ordered two large combo pizzas and drinks, which the girls and spike had never seen before. Apparently the idea of sauce, cheese, and toppings spread over flat bread had not occurred to anyone in Equestria. I was surprised to see that the girls liked the pizza and only picked off the sausage, leaving the pepperoni, even though I had warned them it was more pork. I think they're starting to get in touch with their human instincts. For better or worse, I don't know.
Once we'd eaten it was for the stop I had been dreading this whole time. As we proceeded through town I halted out company in front of our destination. Wallymart...
Applejack arched a golden eyebrow. “Uh, correct me if ah'm wrong mister Gonzales, but don't we have enough clothes to get by in this here world o' yer's?”
I turned to applejack pushing my glasses higher on my nose to catch the glare from the sun. “Applejack, please don't think for a second I would allow you girls to walk around after using mens shampoo, body wash, conditioner, face wash, acne treatment, razors, shaving cream, or other toiletries. Also, I have noticed signs that you, fluttershy, and pinkie are experiencing mild to severe back pain, such as repeated stretching and massaging of the lower back. I have no desire to wait until twilight and rarity are experiencing that same discomfort before taking action. Action that is only affordable at my least favorite store.”
Rainbow frowned at not hearing her name. “Hey, why don't I need whatever you're talking about?” she growled. Rainbow dash flinched as I rested my steely gaze on the former pegasus.
“because you're never going to experience this pain chichinashi. You'll be lucky to fill in a sports bra...”
“What the heck does that mean?!!” Rainbow Demanded, shifting into a fighting stance.
“It means you have no boobs.” I spit the words with as much venom as I could.
“What the heck are boobs?!!” the tiny girl demanded. In response I simply poked Fluttershy,s voluminous breast, eliciting a surprised squeak.
I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and removed my hand from my glasses to elaborate. “Look, we're here for toiletries, feminine care products, and underwear. I’ll answer questions when we get home okay?” the girls nodded and we proceeded inside. We were greeted by an elderly woman named Cherrie and headed to the soaps. “Alright, I want you girls to break into pairs and agree on a scent. Please try to pick a partner who has similar tastes.”
my first mistake was asking a group of six very different girls to agree on three scents for shampoo and body wash. The whole process took ten full minutes of the girls bickering quietly (more of a dull roar in pinkie's case) while spike and I stood to the side and got the plus size unscented conditioner and a fresh bottle of two in one shampoo and body wash for us.
After the girls managed to decide on their shampoo and body washes we selected razors and shave cream. That was a lot easier because I could just buy a pack of disposables and one sixty four ounce can. Next was the products I shouldn't mention as a man, which the girls actually recognized and groaned at.
“Y'all mean humans get the monthlies too?!!” applejack blurted.
I couldn't help breaking out in giggle fits at the question. Normally periods aren't funny in the slightest to me. In fact I keep a bottle of Midol in my outing bag (you wouldn't believe how many purse jokes I get because of it) in case one of my female friends needs it on the go. It was the particular phrasing of it that had me slapping the ground and gasping for air between bouts of laughter that shook my whole body. “I-I'm sorry A-Applejack.” I struggled to speak without stuttering I was laughing so hard. “I've just never heard it referred to like that bef- wait... don't horses go into heat annually?” I asked, getting to my feet.
Twilight was the one to explain as usual. “Actually in our world we go into heat monthly. This is followed by menstruation and cramping if we're not pregnant the week after.”
“well I guess that explains it...” I said shrugging. “well, if we're all done here, then it's off to the underwear...”
the girls once again recognized a commonality between our worlds when they saw the panties. “Ooh!!! you humans are kinky!” Pinkie exclaimed, grabbing a frilly pink thong.
“Goodness gracious!!!” Rarity cried, her face turning beet red. “Why are these out where children can see them?!!”
it was only then that it occurred to me that ponies are probably naked 24/7 so clothes are probably a foreign thing to them. Except they're not. Apparently what humans call underwear is sexy universally. “Chill guys, these go under your clothes and can't be seen.” I assured them.
“Iff'n it's all the same to you Mr. Gonzales, Ah'd rather not. Ah ain't no pervert.” Applejack piped up.
“I'm inclined to agree with Applejack.” said Rarity “The idea of wearing panties like some debauched maniac is just plain unsettling.” rainbow dash nodded her head in agreement and fluttershy hid behind her hair, signaling her opinion.
Only twilight and pinkie were still browsing the underwear rack. Both had flushed faces but pinkie had her usual grin and twilight claimed to be doing it for the cultural immersion. Either way I wasn't about to push the issue of underwear and moved on to something the girls were unfamiliar with, bras.
Spotting a sale's girl I called her over and gave her a weak story about my friends from Canada losing their underwear and needing measurements to get American sizes. Luckily the girl wasn't quite Einstein and desperate to make a sale and pulled applejack into a fitting room almost forcefully.
“Whuh-hey now!” applejack blurted as the sales girl got her measurements. After she was finished she pulled in a giggling pinkie who put up much less of a fight. After pinkie was fluttershy who only squeaked as she was pulled in. as she came out holding her breasts on the verge of tears, the girl called in twilight, finally calming down enough to not yank her in. last was rarity, who walked in and chewed the girl out for her sloppy technique. After all the measuring was dont the girl led us back to the bras and pointed out the ones she recommended.
“Ms. Sparkle you'll want the B cups here, and miss rarity, I suggest looking at the C cups. Applejack and pinkie, you'll need the Upper level D cups, and miss fluttershy, these are the double Ds right here.” the girls grabbed the sizes and colors they wanted and turned towards the dressing rooms again.
“I'll go first!” Rarity declared.
“Actually Rarity, Ah think fluttershy needs to go first.” Applejack said, pointing to Fluttershy, who was once again stretching her back in an attempt to alleviate some of the discomfort.
“Oh yes I see. Of course Fluttershy should go first.” Said Rarity, moving to let Fluttershy through.
The poor girl scooted in and closed the door faster than the average human could blink. Her face must've been a brighter red than a stop sign. “um... oh... ugh... nng!” fluttershy seemed to be having trouble in the stall.
“Everything okay in there fluttershy? Should I call the sales girl back? I asked.
“N-no, I'm Fine... B-but, do you think you could help me with the clasp please?”
Cue nosebleed. “Uh... sure... I-I’ll be there i-in a second.” I stammered, wiping the blood from my upper lip. The door unlocked and, checking to see if anybody but the girls and spike was watching, I slipped in quickly. Fluttershy had removed her oversized yellow sweater and tee shirt and was holding the bra over her breasts with her back to me. I could clearly see her flushed face in the mirror opposite the door. I tried to be as fast as my shaking hands would allow.
Well who wouldn't be nervous if a girl had called you into a small enclosed space to help her put on her bra?!! this crap has to be straight out of a manga!!! who could be lucky enough to be asked to help a beautiful girl put on her bra?!!
“um... is everything okay back there?”
It was then I realized I’d been just standing behind Fluttershy with the clasps in my hands. Wiping the blood from my face again I quickly explained the clasp in a hushed tone so only she could hear. “got it? Alright, now show the others. Oh, but make sure to check the coast is clear for me to come out.”
sticking her head out the door Fluttershy gave me the all clear and we stepped out of the dressing room. After everyone had tried on all their bras( and some modeling from impromptu Pinkie) I felt a tug on my sleeve and found Rainbow Dash holding a small training bra to her chest, with her face red as a tomato. There was a silent, momentary exchange between us before she uttered a phrase I will never forget. I can still hear the hitch in her voice like she was about to start sobbing. “I-I just don't want to be l-left out...”
My heart leapt into my throat. Had I slipped into old habits and ignored the feelings of someone I considered a friend yet again? No! I will not let that happen again! “Oh! A sports bra! Great idea Dash! Of course I’ll get it for you!” I assured her. “But... I wonder, where's that cocky grin I like so much huh?”
“Seriously?!! AAAAHAHAAAAAA” She cackles. All signs of being upset are now totally gone, replaced by her usual attitude. “What kind of cheesy line was that?”
I was speechless to say the least. I’d been played for a fool and felt a little betrayed. I turned away and just shuffled towards checkout with the girls in tow.
On our way to the check out we saw my friend Rodrigo, who had provided the social security numbers and backgrounds. “Hey buddy” I called, waving him down. “What's up?”
“Not much.” he replied. “Are these the girls you talked to me about?” “Yeah, this is Fluttershy behind me, Twilight is the bookish looking one, the lovely lady is Rarity, Pinkie Pie in pink, the tall one is Applejack, and those two are Rainbow Dash and Spike.” I explained. Rainbow and Spike grumbled about not getting preludes to their introductions.
“Wait, you were serious about those names? Quebec must be weirder than I thought...”
I was the only one to laugh at the joke, seeing as I was the only other person in the group who knew what Quebec was... noticing everyone was confused I quickly said goodbye to Rodrigo and headed to the registers.
Thankfully the line was short and the young man at the checkout was nice. He didn't say anything much besides mentioning that he knew my pain. “No dude... You have no idea. I live with six girls now...” as I payed for the bras, panties, and toiletries I heard my wallet breathe its last and my credit card give a triumphant laugh. Dammit.
The bus ride back to my apartment was thankfully short and we were home by Three in the afternoon. When we arrived I found a large cardboard box with my name on it in front of the stairs. Inside was an old futon and comforter. Once again, crazy little Mrs. Yamashita has truck with all the generosity in her tiny body. “Sigh... Come on spike, help me get this up the stairs.”
Once inside I headed straight for the kitchen and start making curry and rice for dinner. Spike also volunteered to help, so I set him to work chopping carrots and onions. I got a little worried when he started sniffling while cutting the carrots. “You okay buddy?” I asked, drying my hands on a towel.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just feeling a little homesick. I’m really missing my marefriend...”
“Marefriend? Is that like a girlfriend? Wow... who is she? What's she like?”
Spike sighed and started chopping the onion while he told me about how he had had a crush on Rarity for two whole years before she had finally explained that she wasn't interested. After that twilight had put him into public school to give him something to do during the day. It was there he had got to know three fillies who called themselves the cutie mark crusaders.
“Sorry to interrupt but, what's a cutie mark?”
“oh, it's like a tattoo that appears when a pony discovers their talent that defines them. For example, Twilight's is magic, and Pinkie pie's is throwing parties.” Spike explains. “Anyway, about then Rarity's little sister Sweetie belle and I got close and started dating. We've been together for six months now.”
“wait wait wait, you're dating your old crush's little sister? You've got some balls man...”
Spike shrugged and we finished dinner in silence. The meal was also quiet. Nobody spoke until It was time for bed. I just lay there for a couple hours hoping spike was going to be okay...
